Prompt sent to me by Welshwtch here on FF. Totally silly Shandy AU "We know that we know, and so does everyone else, but we can't really do anything because we're ridiculous and desperately need help to figure things out" scenario that totally took on a most random life of it's own. Takes place season 3, which is probably my most favorite season to play with.
Since the story is completely finished, I've decided to post it all at once. Reviews are welcomed and so greatly appreciated! My inbox is also always open for any and all discussions! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
As usual, I own nothing, I regret nothing, I miss them terribly, and my insomnia gets to play with them now because TNT & Duff and Co. so graciously donated them for all of us FF writers to play with.
When the BFF sends out an, "I need you. Meet me on the PAB terrace and don't tell anyone where you're going. Bring coffee." text ten minutes after you just saw her, you answer - and make sure the coffee has a double shot. Andrea, along with all of Major Crimes, had just left Jane Doe #38's, or Alice as she had named herself, memorial service. Sharon had seemed fine, standing next to Andy as she usually does these days, the shoulder bump not going unnoticed by Andrea. But something in the way the text came across had her curious as to what was going on. "Hey," Andrea said as she tapped Sharon on the shoulder with the coffee cup before she sat down. "Got your message. But what's with the hiding? Especially here on the terrace. Are you okay?"
Sharon smiled and sheepishly shrugged as she took the coffee from Andrea. "I'm fine, for the most part. I just…" She really didn't know how to answer. "I don't know exactly. Honestly, t's all so ridiculous and I'm not quite sure what to make of it anymore. All I know is that everything is a mess."
"Oh…kay. Now I'm even more curious and a little worried. You look completely confused, which is very unlike you. What's going on? Please do not tell me that you're having second thoughts about going through with the divorce. Sharon, honestly, that man…"
"No, Andrea," she interrupted. "I am, most certainly, not having second thoughts. I'm pushing to get this divorce done with or without Jack. This does have something to do with him, just not the way you're thinking. It's about some things he said to Rusty and something he said to me." As Sharon continued to explain in great detail how Jack had gone behind her back and told Rusty about Sharon wanting to adopt him, and about their divorce, she started getting angry again.
After her conversation with Rusty, she had called Jack to, as Andy would say, "Rip him a new one." Jack had tried to play dumb and say that he thought Rusty already knew, but Sharon had seen right through him and called him out on it. Then Jack turned things around on her, leaving her questioning his words ever since. "…And you can deny it all you want. I know for a fact that you're dating someone. I still know plenty of people in LA, Sharon, and those people love to talk…" So, while she was still beyond furious with him for dragging Rusty into his nonsense, the question he asked her was still hanging in the air. "So, what exactly are you and my dear old friend, Andy Flynn? Because all of this works in my favor so I can claim that you were unfaithful long before I ever was, and you and I both know just how far back I can go to prove it."
"He's going to try and claim infidelity? On you? Please tell me he didn't go there."
"Oh, but he did. Not only did he tell Rusty that we wouldn't even be getting a divorce if it wasn't for his adoption, Jack also tried to convince him to tell me to drop it! I am either going to strangle or shoot that man! No, wait. First I'm going to strangle him, then I'm going to shoot him. Then I'm going to look for someone to help me hide the body."
As Andrea watched Sharon get up to pace back and forth, she couldn't help but laugh to herself. As serious as the situation was, there was something rather amusing about seeing the ever unflappable Sharon Raydor completely unnerved. "One, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear any of that. I can't defend you if I have to prosecute you. Although, there isn't a judge in LA that would actually convict you. Two, we both know you wouldn't have to look very far for your accomplice," she smirked. Andrea paused when Sharon quickly turned to face her with a stomp of her foot. The crossing of the arms and death glare she was getting had told her that she struck a nerve. The nerve that just happened to have the same name of a certain lieutenant. "Oh, no. You don't get to get all," waving a hand up and down towards Sharon, "Darth-y with me, missy. I've kept my mouth shut on this because of everything you're trying to get done. And while I will never agree with Jack on anything, his question is valid. What exactly are you and Andy?"
There it was…again. The million dollar question that seemed to be on everyone's mind lately. Including her own. "Well, if I could answer that question on my own, we wouldn't be here now, would we? You're supposed to be helping me! What kind of best friend are you?" Sharon thought she had it figured out. She and Andy were friends, he was her subordinate, and that was it. That was all it could be. Not to mention the fact that not only was she still married on paper, the thought of dating anyone, especially Andy, while waiting for the ink on her divorce papers to dry just didn't seem right. Sure, she hadn't been completely abstinent during her twenty-plus year separation. Jesus, she was human, contrary to popular belief. She had dated, let a few men into her bed, but none of them meant anything. Not the way Andy would…could. Not the way he does. So, no, she wouldn't date him. She couldn't…could she? The internal struggle of how she wanted things to be and what they actually needed to be had her completely lost. "Andrea, you know very well what he and I are and how hard we've worked to get back here. It can't…we can't be…" she sighed. "It's just a friendship. That's all it is."
"Here she goes with the it's just a friendship spiel," Andrea said while pinching the bridge of her nose. "Sharon, what you and I have is a friendship. What you and Andy have is a holding pattern. As far as being your best friend goes, I'm the best friend who has watched this, whatever the hell you two are, play out for years. Years, Sharon. Also, it's not like you haven't dated or slept with anyone while you were separated, so why are you so hellbent on holding back with Andy? Especially now. I'll agree with you on some of the reasons you've had over the years for not crossing that line with him, but the biggest one that you've been holding on to is null and void at this point. So then allow me to rephrase my question, Captain. What do you want you and Andy to be?"
"It's complicated. He and I are finally in a good place again and I don't want to risk jeopardizing it. I just filed for divorce, and who knows when that will be over and done with, and not to mention that I don't even know how or what Andy feels about any of this." Her hands started fidgeting as she began to pace again. God, she wished she had pockets in this blazer.
"Oh, please. It's only complicated if you make it complicated. Your divorce is nothing but semantics at this point and you know it. Besides, anyone with eyes and half a pulse can see exactly how and what Andy feels. Years, Sharon. Years. Next excuse."
"He's my subordinate." It came across as more of a question rather than a statement of facts. Even she barely believed that excuse. She looked down at her shoes when she saw the incredulous look on Andrea's face. When did that scuff get there? "Besides, it's against the rules for a superior to pursue a lower ranking officer."
"Fine. Clearly, he has to be the one to ask you out, which I'm sure he knows. But it's not stated anywhere that dating a subordinate is against the rules. Your precious, precious rules. But keep going with the lame excuses. I'll wait you out all night if I have to."
"We're," Sharon inhaled, then shrugged as she shook her head, "just friends." She sighed. "Very good friends." It wasn't that she paused, it was where she paused that was a dead giveaway. "Just so you know, I hate you right now."
Andrea stood up to stand next to her friend. As much fun as she was having teasing Sharon, she saw just how hard she was struggling. Looping her arm within Sharon's, she turned them to start walking towards the exit. "Except you don't. You love me and you know I'm right. C'mon, you can buy me dinner for the headache you just gave me. We'll have some wine, you can think of more lame excuses, I'll come up with more valid reasons as to why your excuses are lame, and we can figure out how to act on this crush of yours - it'll be great!"
"What? No, no, no! I don't have a cr…No, Andrea, seriously? I do not…" The look on Andrea's face said it all. "I really do hate you right now."
"Keep telling yourself that, my dear best friend. Ooh, I almost forgot my briefcase. Go on ahead of me, I'll meet you in your office." Andrea slowly made her way back over to the bench to where she left her belongings and made sure that Sharon had gone back inside. "You can come out now, lieutenant."
There was no way Provenza was getting off of that roof unnoticed during their conversation. He hadn't even seen the captain and Hobbs sitting on the bench when he first got there. But as he approached them to say hello, he overheard Andy's name, and stopped to hide behind one of the tree planters, allowing curiosity to get the best of him. Now he wished he hadn't. Kinda. "I don't even have an excuse as to why I stayed to listen. It was rude, and part of me is sorry. But there's an even bigger part of me that isn't. I will tell you that he's just as big of a mess over this as she is. They're both idiots if you ask me."
"I think that is the one thing you and I will ever agree on. So now what?"
"Hell if I know. You're not the only one that's watched this play out for years." Provenza paused, taking a sip from the water bottle he had carried up with him. Yeah, sure, he thought they were both idiots. They're the biggest idiots that ever itioted in the history of idioting idiots. But they just happen to be two idiots that he very much cares for and that deserve a chance to finally be happy. "Give me a day. I'll figure something out."
Andrea ducked and looked around for the sky to start falling down around her when she realized that Provenza was willing to help facilitate the mess that is Sharon and Andy. "You've been dead set against them becoming a them for as long as I can remember. What changed your mind?"
He sighed and chuckled to himself. It really wasn't much of anything to anyone that didn't know them. But to someone that knew Andy and Sharon and their history, it meant a hell of a lot more than either of them dared to admit. "Alice's memorial. It's silly, really, but you of all people would understand." He paused as Andrea stared, trying to figure out what he was talking about. "I watched her right hand twitch to keep from grabbing Andy's the whole time. It got worse after she nudged him on the shoulder. Her hands only fidget like that around him. She never did that with Jack. Anytime I saw them, she always pushed Jack away when he reached for her," he shrugged. There was more that he knew, more that he'd seen over the years, but he'd keep that to himself. "Go to your dinner, Hobbs. I'll be in touch."