Arkham Asylum Patient Files Chapter 14: The Joker: Interview 3, a batman fanfic

"As my time today was too occupied, I was actually glad that Dr. Scroll volunteered to step in for my next interview with our toughest patient, Joker. As I am helping Dr. Young with her session with Miss Dooh, Scroll will take on the task of seeing to the clown, and to perhaps get to the bottom of his little gag in the offices today." - Dr. Jeremiah Arkham

Dr. Scroll: Taped session number 18. While Dr. Arkham is assisting Dr. Young in her evaluation with Rufina Dooh, otherwise known as Red Riding Hood, I have taken it upon myself to see to the infamous Joker, as to aid Dr. Arkham in his own evaluations with the patient. Now Joker, I'm just going to cut to the chase before we truly begin. Would you care to explain to me why there were over one hundred crates filled with ink jars and quills?

Joker: Simple really. I put them there. Why?

Dr. Scroll: Why, or most importantly how would you even manage such a feat?! You were being monitored throughout the week!

Joker: Ah ah ah Doc! A good magician never reveals his tricks! *Laughs*

Dr. Scroll: I'm fairly certain that Dr. Arkham would love to know of this little trick of yours, walking about the asylum free as a bird. Joker, what we're you trying to gain from this little stunt of yours?! Half of the guards and the all of the janitors in Arkham were stuck with removing each and every box from my office. It took them even longer since some of the boxes broke! There is still ink everywhere!

Joker: Oh I know, such a waste of ink.

Dr. Scroll: Precisely.

Joker: I was hoping it would fall on you. After all, paper and ink go hand in hand. Well that or hand and quill. *Laughs*

Dr. Scroll: Ugh. Another joke about my name?

Joker: Oh lighten up Doc, would it kill you to laugh for once in your miserable life? I mean you really don't have much of it left!

Dr. Scroll: I don't appreciate your type of humor Joker!

Joker: *Sneers* Everyone's a critic.

Dr. Scroll: I'm sure they are. Now, let us talk more about you. I was hoping to go back to beginning for my own sake and...

Joker: Whoa Doc! I can't tell you that!

Dr. Scroll: Why not?

Joker: You're rushing things girlfriend! We haven't even talked about the bird and the bees yet! *Laughs hysterically*

Dr. Scroll: *Sighs* This is going to be harder than I thought. I meant from your beginnings as a super criminal!

Joker: Ooooooooooh! Well, why didn't you say so? You really need to be specific Doc.

Dr. Scroll: Never you mind about that now. Now from what I have read about you in the files, you had fallen into a tank of acid and became a clown.

Joker: Yup.

Dr. Scroll: And you claim to have no memory of your past life.

Joker: Well, sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another.

Dr. Scroll: So I'm led to believe. One story, you were a hitman who worked for Carl Grissom before he died, in another you were an abused son of a snake dancer, or you were abused by your drunken father. One also said you we're a clown for hire and got fired after bringing a gun to a children's hospital, and so on, but the one you seem to favor the most is the story of a poor comedian trying to support his pregnant wife. I must say, there are quite an impressive amount of origins.

Joker: Well Doc, I find it best that if one is to have a past, make it multiple choice. Heh. But you gotta admit, it's better than what knockers has. And that's zilch.

Dr. Scroll: Knockers? Oh you mean Mist.

Joker: On the nosey! Hey, you're good at this Doc!

Dr. Scroll: Thank you, I suppose. But one thing I wish to ask is...

Joker: Say Doc, I have to ask something myself.

Dr. Scroll: I'm hosting this session Joker, not you. Your question can wait until then.

Joker: Actually Doc, I don't think it can. You see a little birdie here has been telling me that you've been having trouble with Stripes.