"Tess-"

"Can I have a second? Tonight hasn't exactly gone how I thought." She snapped when he tried to push her and despite his loud harrumph her frustration appeared to make him calm down.

She knew her carefree demeanour often got on people's nerves, and not just in the irritating way she sometimes aimed for but also because aside from literal torture there was little worse than struggling to compose yourself in front of someone who very clearly had it together. Especially when you were either at odds or very close, or worse, the dreaded combination of both. She knew because she had spent her first two, hell probably the first three years as an operative around people who almost never broke their composure. She'd learned from the best. And she was grateful for their lessons but sometimes Tess missed the girl who was unashamed of her vulnerability, unabashed in her desire to be entirely herself no matter what anyone else thought. In spite of what they thought.

Pieces of that girl were still inside her, they were what drove her at her core but it was different now.

Everything was different now.

The unmistakable sound of clinking glasses brought her attention to where Voight was pulling out a bottle of whiskey, his eyes flicking to her arm when he set them down on his desk. "You need something for that?"

"No. Thank you." She had to give him a look when it didn't seem like he believed her, or maybe he was wondering what kind of medication she'd taken but after a minute of staring he nodded and started pouring out their drinks.

"Why'd you let him do it?"

"Okay, in case it wasn't clear, I did not plan for this happen."

"But you let it." He replied, passing over her glass before he leant against the cabinet behind his desk, likely too full of his own nervous energy to sit. "I'm not saying I'm not grateful because I am. What you did… I never could've done it. But everything I've heard about you tells me you could've taken Walter's men-"

"Ang's." She corrected, shrugging when his eyes widened and he straightened, a piece of information he hadn't known, not though she'd had the time to tell him before now. "I mean, it's possible it was a combo of both their men but Walter went to Ang and he made the call."

"And he did that?"

"He ordered it." She said quietly, taking a little sip of the whiskey instead of slamming it back like she wanted to.

The last thing this night needed was for anyone to get drunk.

"Why?"

Tess took a slow breath, and another small sip, then looked back at Voight, so struck by his obvious confusion that it took her a minute to find her voice. "Sometimes the smart move is to fight. Sometimes it's not."

"I get that." He said dryly, his own drink at his side, one finger tapping on the glass. "What I would like to know is what made you decide that this wasn't the time to fight. Tess, he branded you."

"Do you think I don't know that?" She snapped, again, taking another breath before she turned her head to look out one of the windows.

His questions were fair, and expected, but they were still raising her hackles and she didn't know why. No one really enjoyed having their judgement called into question but she wasn't so naïve as to think it wasn't deserved; she had risked life and limb on his behalf and one of the latter had been injured. And he was right. She could have fought her way out and even though everything she'd thought in the moment about how it was the best option to de-escalate the situation was true…

The real truth was that she felt she deserved it.

As if every time she got hurt protecting someone else it was penitence for all the people that had gotten hurt because of her.

Even for the people she had hurt, no matter how much they'd deserved it.

It was a hell of a twisted cycle and she had no idea how to pull herself out of it.

"Look, Tess-"

"This wasn't the first time I've been hurt." She said, cutting him off but keeping her eyes locked on the darkened city outside for another couple seconds before turning back to him, doing her best to give into the urges to smile and shrug rather than shove them down. "It wasn't the first time I let myself be hurt either and I highly doubt it will be the last. And I did it because it was what needed to be done to stop Ang from going scorched earth. Because it was what was right."

This time Voight was the one who sucked in a deep breath and as he finally took a swig of his whiskey she relaxed, grateful that the pushing seemed to be done. They were quiet for a few minutes, him lost in his thoughts and Tess trying very hard to stay out of her own. Without even realizing it she finished her drink and when a quick peek at her phone showed Jay and the others were only just getting into Chinatown she decided there was time to have another. Voight raised a brow when she grabbed the bottle but when she raised hers back he passed over his glass to get his own refill, frowning when she hissed slightly when she bumped her arm.

"What do you think made him do it? Ang." He explained when she just stared at him, glancing at her arm again.

"I don't know. But… How well do you know him?"

He made a face when he saw her cut herself off but he took the time to think her question through, making another face before he shrugged. "I know his reputation, same as everyone else. A little too high up the ladder for me to have any personal connections. Why?"

"I don't know him well but I have known him for a while but tonight, I don't know, something had changed. He knew what he was doing and he knew there'd be consequences he just… Didn't care. There was a recklessness I've never seen before."

"And what exactly are those consequences going to be?" Voight asked dryly but for possibly the first time she couldn't find any judgement in his gaze.

"I told you he was told to play nice with. This isn't nice." She said sarcastically, briefly raising her arm before a throb of pain had her bringing it back close to her chest, choosing to ignore the way the older man tracked the movement. "So I decided to handle him the way you would any child throwing a tantrum."

"I don't think a spanking is going to work."

A laugh bubbled out of her and just like that she saw him make the switch from an old school veteran police officer to just a gruff yet quietly soft old man. "I'm letting his parents deal with him."

"The Triad?"

"I told you they liked me." Tess replied with a shrug, her smile growing at his shocked expression. At least until reality set back in. "I don't imagine they're going to be kind. He's not the only Triad leader Stateside that's been bad at following the rules lately. But-"

"He made his bed. He can lie in it." Hank finished, holding her stare with surprising gentleness until she nodded and then he returned it.

Again for a few minutes they were quiet but the air in his office was a lot less tense now and he finally took a seat, watching as she checked in on their team.

His team.

"So what else is on your mind?" He asked after she gave him a brief update, the raid had gone flawlessly and they were just finishing up before heading back, giving her a very parental look when she just blinked at him.

What wasn't surprising was that he could read her, not perfectly but he was getting to know her, and he wouldn't have gotten to his position if he didn't have good deductive reasoning. So it made sense he knew there was more bothering her and he didn't seem at all insulted that she didn't want to share what.

But she should.

She'd already pulled one team into her chaos, the least she could do was give the second a heads up.

"You know that feeling you get sometimes? In the field or just, in life, that little hand on your back, nudging you in a certain direction? Whether you listen to it or not."

"I do." Hank answered with a nod, his gaze soft but just as penetrating as always and for some odd reason that helped Tess to swallow past the lump in her throat and finally push out something that had been trapped in the darkest corners of her mind for the last five years.

"Sometimes I feel two."

"You're talking about the hack." He said simply, his lips quirking at her shock. "You leave a couple old guys together, we're going to talk."

Coulson.

Fuck her.

Obviously she'd known they'd had several conversations while her team had been here and it wasn't like she hadn't wondered about them but in her defense she'd had a lot going on. And while she might have the ability to learn most things she was adamant on respecting people's privacy. Plus it wasn't like the information was a secret and it made sense they'd talk about it, that Voight would have questions but… that was just one part of it.

The start.

"What did Ang say?" He asked when she stayed quiet and since there was no going back she let the rest out.

"Just that I should remember that he's not the only one who doesn't like me, which is true." She said with a heavy breath, taking another sip to steady her. "But there was something in his eyes. It's always like that. A look or a comment, things that don't quite add up."

"A feeling."

"A feeling." Tess repeated, absentmindedly clenching her fist until another throb had her forcing herself to calm.

To a point.

Because saying it out loud made it much more real. And there wasn't anything she could do but keep as many people out of the crosshairs as possible.