"Still no post? How can tha' be?" Archaeologist grumbled, opening and closing the little mailbox door several times in quick succession, as though the very process of doing this repeatedly would magically spawn the desired contents inside.
"Still waitin' for tha' summit?" A sleepy voice with a similarly thick Yorkshire accent came from behind him as Palaeontologist Smurf wandered down the stairs in his dressing gown and stegosaurus themed slippers and seated himself with a coffee in hand.
"As a matter o' fact, ah am" Archie sighed, closing up the mailbox and heading back into his mushroom hut to join his brother at the breakfast table. "They said I'd get a reply within' tha week - an' a thought me essay on th' uses of cattail reeds as weavin' materials in ancient Smurf culture was a winner this time fer sure"
Pal shrugged. He'd never been as into the ancient cultures of his own species as much as his older sibling had. Pal was far more fascinated in the ever more ancient and – in his mind – more impressive prehistoric beasts he'd discovered fossils of as a young Smurfling.
Archie was still seething in his seat when there came another knock at the door, which he begrudgingly answered to a rather annoyed looking Architect Smurf.
"Archie? Postie got our mail mixed up again – I don't know how he keeps doing that it's only the first four letters of our names that happen to be the same, I mean the rest-"
"Aye, aye, annoying" The historian clearly had other things on his mind as he grabbed the envelope out of Architect's hand and flipped it over. A wide beam spread across his face as he looked at the golden wax seal, imprinted with the impression of a skull and a couple of trowels. He eagerly tore the seal away from the paper and pulled out the letter within.
"Dear Archaeologist Smurf,
Your essay on The Uses Of Cattail Reeds As Weavin' Materials In Ancient Smurf Culture was a wonderful entry, and we were all very impressed with your findings and research and am delighted to announce we have decided to declare you this year's winner.
As such, we would like to invite you to the grand summit of the conference of the Archaeological Society Of Magical Fae next week, where you may read out your essay as well as present one other finding of your choice to the entire conference. This is your chance to really impress us – show us something we've never seen before.
Looking forwards to seeing you there,
Sincerely,
Alder Wood Elf
Chairman of the ASOMF.
Archie let out a shaky breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding as he slowly lowered the letter, one hand clamped over his mouth to steady himself.
"Well? Did you get it?" Pal called through the open door.
"I-I won!" Archie ran back inside and threw his arms around his brother's shoulders, hugging him into a tight hug "They want me to present ma essay and an archaeological finding of my choice ta th' conference next week!"
"Well done Arches!" Pal raised his eyebrows in genuine congratulations as he patted his sibling on the back "So, what findin' are you going ta present to wow em?"
"… Good question" Archie pulled back from the hug, frowning "This is THE archaeological society o' magical fae we're talking about here … there can't be a lot they haven't seen before, a mean t'is is their life's work! Look, a love diggin' up ole pottery as much as tha next archaeologist but after a couple centuries it all starts ta look tha same"
"Sounds like ye have a challenge on yer hands"
"Yeah but … this is my life's work too! Am sure ah can find summin' to blow their little fae-ish socks off"
"Better get searchin' then, ye only have a week ta do it"
Archie gulped.
Books, papers, fragments of artefacts and pottery and bones and bowls littered the floor of Archaeologist's study that afternoon. The yorkshireman had spent hours retrieving and documenting every last item in his possession and was almost down to his last trunk without a single item on his registry he thought good enough to impress the higher-ups at the ASOMF.
He was still scrabbling around in a trunk of pottery fragments when he heard a familiar voice come up behind him.
"Oy Archie, bit of a mess in here - watcha looking for?"
"Not now Skelly, am looking fer something interesting"
"Oh right, uh… like what exactly?"
"I wish I knew" Archaeologist sighed and sat back on the floor, resting his chin on his hand. His eyes scanned every inch of his upturned study but there was nothing he hadn't thoroughly combed through already. Ancient books … ancient statues … ancient pottery fragments … the ancient skeleton standing in his doorway … ancient weapons … wait a second.
"Skelly!" Archie jumped to his feet, beaming. "Yer a skeleton!"
"Oh gee, that's terrifying" Skelly stared down at his skeletal hand in mock fright "and here I was thinking I was an elephant"
"No you daft 'apeth, I mean you're interesting! Archaeologically speaking."
"Damn and for a second there I thought you were hitting on me"
Archie either ignored or didn't hear this comment, his eyebrows were furrowed with concentration as he tapped his chin thoughtfully, his eyes glancing over his friend's mostly skeletal form.
"Those wazzocks at the summit won't know what hit em … Skelly!" Archie grabbed his friend's non-boney arm "Tha 'as to come wit' me!"
"Uh … where now?"
"The conference o' tae Archaeological Society O' Magical Fae! Oh yes" Archaeologist rubbed his hands together gleefully "They've seen pots an' fossils a plenty over tha centuries but you … you my friend are going ta be something reight special … a bet they've nowt seen tha likes o' you!"
"Woah woah woah, slow down. The who now? You better not be planning a mass carbon dating, I won't have it" Skelly's eyes – or at least, the magical gold spheres that technically now made up his eyes inside the otherwise empty sockets – narrowed in suspicion.
Skelly, as his name suggested (though more precisely known as 'Skeleton Smurf', having lost the former memories of his life) was a curious being Sorcerer Smurf had discovered and brought back to the village some years ago. An ancient seasmurf of some kind, Skelly had been resurrected by a necromancer Smurf many millennia ago and had lived alone on the island he died on for many more years after the passing of his former master.
Skelly was almost all bones, curiously apart from his right side, which still maintained a permanently preserved and intact right arm, leg and a small section of Smurfy blue scalp, which left no questions as to his species in life. The only thing keeping him going this long was the essence of the necromancer who had revived him, in a sacrificial attempt to create the most forbidden final act of all – defying death itself.
Skelly, for his part, took the whole 'immortal but skeletal' aspect of his undead life in his stride. Known by his friends for his endless supply of bone and skeleton related puns, he was a surprisingly fun character to be around once you got past the fact he could remove his skull from his spine and carry on talking.
Unfortunately for Skelly, those that weren't terrified by him had an even worse attitude towards him – fascination. And Archaeologist Smurf had proved to be far from the exception, forever trying to carbon date the exposed bones of his friend (a process he had repeated frequently due to the magical nature of Skelly's existence messing up his equipment upon attempts.). But as much as this annoyed him even more than the ones who ran away from him, Skelly was grateful deep down to have a true friend or two in the historical studying Smurf brothers, and especially in Archie who he now considered his best friend. It made his complicated and confusing existence that much more bearable and gave him new memories to replace the ones he'd forgotten.
This is perhaps the reason he reluctantly agreed to go along as the archaeologist's 'discovery' for the conference, with the strict pinky promise that no carbon dating would happen during the event.
On the day of the scheduled conference, Archaeologist had put on his best suit, which he'd been saving for just such an occasion. Skelly had been instructed to come with as much of his skeletal form as he was comfortable showing, and whilst he reluctantly agreed to leave his cloak at home, he insisted on at least travelling in his tights till they got to the location.
The venue was situated at the edge of the forest, in a little grove not to far away from a rather stunning beach that, had it been any other day, Archie would have loved to stop to hunt fossils on. Several fairy, elf and water nymph children were playing on the soft sand and jumping from the edge of the pier and it brought back memories of his Smurflinghood with Pal and Miner.
The conference hall was a large wooden building of clear wood elf design, judging by the intricate patterns carved into the supports, which Archie excitedly pointed out dated back to a specific subset of wood elf architecture from the time of King Aspen III (he had written a paper on it for the previous year's essay contest). The surrounding gardens were filled with various flowers and all manner of magical plants that several gardeners were attending too.
As they made their way to the front doors Skelly quickly reached out and plucked a white carnation from one of the flower beds.
"Skelly! Tha's stealing" Archie hissed.
"Shh – it's for good luck! Smurfette told me" The skeleton slipped the flower into his friend's breast pocket and gave it a quick pat. "For the speeches"
Archie gave a nervous grin, feeling a little hot under the collar. Probably from nerves.
An imp receptionist greeted them inside and almost fainted at the sight of Skelly (which he was rather proud of) before being told by Archie that he was definitely here on invitation and not as cursed outbreak. The frightened receptionist lead them to the correct room with some trepidation, and let Archie know he could gather his thoughts in the hall for a few moments whilst Skelly went to hide in the backstage area to wait on his cue and remove his trousers. This was because as the subject matter of Archie's second presentation was his bones he needed them on display (and after all, he hadn't any more to show than a science classroom dummy these days so he was quite comfortable with that).
Archie took a deep breath, steeled himself, took a moment to check his notes and pat the carnation in his pocket, and then headed in through the large double doors.
Oh boy. He knew he was in for a big crowd but this was ridiculous. The auditorium was a large, circular room with a massive oaken stage that had a single podium to the right side for Archie to place his notes. Looking around the room Archie couldn't see a single empty seat. Hundreds, if not a thousand eyes were staring at him, belonging to all manner of fairies and sprites and imps and pixies. No fellow Smurfs. Archie had only been given a plus one and he'd used it to bring Skelly as his project or he would have loved his brother Pal or his best friend Miner to be there to support him. Archie shuffled his notes nervously on the podium. Was it just him or were the firefly lights working overtime in here?
An elderly looking wood elf with a large acorn cap suddenly got up from his position on the front row and hobbled onto the stage, bringing with him a little magic device that amplified his shaky voice to the room.
"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the sevenhundredth and forty first annual conference for the Archaeological Society Of Magical Fae. As you know, I am the chairman Alder Woodelf. Our guest of honour today is the winner of the annual essay competition – Archaeologist Smorf."
Archie ignored that mispronunciation. He felt a little sweat trickle down his back.
"Here to present his essay – and a surprise topic of his choice – here is Archaeologist with his essay 'The Uses Of Cattail Reeds As Weavin' Materials In Ancient Smurf Culture'"
The audience clapped as Alder handed Archie the little voice amplifier and shook his hand good luck before returning to his seat.
"Ah, er, 'ow do everyone?" The little device in Archie's hand let out a piercing feedback noise and the Smurf winced as he held it further away from his mouth.
"Tha's better. Ah yes. My essay"
Archie selected his chosen paper from the top of the pile and cleared his throat.
"The topic I have chosen to present today is on tha uses of cattail reeds as weavin' materials in ancient Smurf culture.
Cattail reeds have, of course, been used throughout history in various cultures. But did you know tha' they were particularly important to the Smurfs as a nation during the great textile crisis movement? This was because of several factors that contributed to the shortage of materials within Smurf village durin' that time, and without the cattail reeds we may not have survived that period of history.
My first point is-"
If Skelly hadn't been so willing to support his friend, he may have fallen asleep backstage. As much as he liked Archie, and as much as the room full of people with equally boring hobbies seemed to be enraptured by it, the essay sure droned on for what seemed like an eternity. And Skelly had spent nearly three thousand years alone on an island.
The sound of large applause is what woke Skelly from almost falling asleep backstage. He jolted, almost started clapping himself before realising he was still hidden out of sight. He slowly got up and made his way to the gap between the curtains. Peering between them he could see the back of Archie and a random old guy, as well as an entire theatre he was about to be presented too. If Skelly had had a throat, he would have gulped.
"I'm sure we can all agree that was a very insightful essay from our winner here, certainly one we haven't heard before! And we've been doing this for seven centuries now!"
Polite chuckles rang around the room.
"Yes, but our budding archaeologist here has yet another treat for us! Ladies and gentlefae, put your hands together for Archaeologist Smorf's surprise presentation!"
"Thank you Alder, may I say what an honour it is to be 'ere tonight. I won't take up too much of your time now as I'm sure you're all eager to see what I have to present to you today.
Tell me, we're all archaeologists and fans of archaeology in her, aye? And I'm sure all o' us 'ave thought about how cool it would be if we could actually go back in time an' experience the events we study for ourselves? Well I've got no time machine, but what a do 'ave a think you'll be reight chuffed with – because today, ladies an' gentlefae, a've brought tha past to you!"
Skelly stood up straight behind the curtain.
"It's ma pleasure, to present to you all, tha worlds first piece o' livin' history come to tha future! Here with me tonight is ma project an' personal friend – Skelly Smurf!"
With that, Skelly stepped out from behind the large curtains with an overly dramatic flourish of his hand, gesturing up and down and his mostly skeletal form as if it wasn't obvious to the room.
Speaking of, the room was silent.
No one could quite believe what they were seeing, or if it was real at all.
Skelly stood awkwardly on stage for a couple of seconds, hoping Archie would save him.
It was Alder Woodelf who spoke up first.
"Archaeologist er, is this real?"
"Of course I'm real" Skelly huffed, removing his own skeletal arm at the shoulder and waving it over his head before reattaching it and wiggling the fingers. "Real, and totally ancient"
"Yes, ahem" Archie picked up a small pointing stick from the podium and walked up beside him.
"Skelly here was discovered on a deserted island and brought back to our village – he could easily be over six thousand years old!"
"Have you tried carbon dating it?" a voice from the back of the auditorium rang out.
Skelly winced.
"Y-yes I have tried carbon dating him a couple of times but it always messed up the equipment – necromancy magic and technology don't go well together"
Several gasps and murmurs rang around the room. The very mention of necromancy was enough to have peaked the interest of everyone. Necromancy was, after all, a forbidden art for any culture or species.
"Wait, wait, hang on a minute" Alder rubbed his chin thoughtfully, removed his glasses, polished them, then returned them to his face to continue squinting at the spectacle before him.
"I don't know much about this stuff, but I find this improbable – necromancy requires some kind of er … life force, as I've been told, yes? How can your discovery here be over six thousand years old, that's … well that's almost permanent!"
"Well he's not been sustained that long but actually" Archie quickly glanced at Skelly for permission before continuing his explanation "the necromancer that revived him er … well we don't know much, never met him, but he was so dedicated to his work he cared more about sustaining a creation than his own life – Skelly is permanently sustained off of his life force."
The excited murmurs in the crowd grew louder. This wasn't just history, it was magic and forbidden excitement at that, something none of them had expected when they arrived.
"Interesting" Alder's eyes glinted, "Would you permit me to study this specimen up close?"
"Well er, as long as it's alreight wit' Skelly…"
Skelly wasn't super keen on having this random old guy get up close and personal with him but he was there to do a job so he reluctantly agreed.
"Absolutely fascinating" Alder murmured as his ran his hands roughly over Skelly's arm "Real bone, this is the real deal, huh?"
"Yeah er, I promise you it's not all glamour haha" Skelly squirmed uncomfortably on the stage as a couple of the other head archaeologists now also came to the stage, eager to see the living skeleton for themselves.
"What's with your right side? There's still some skin there is that going to decompose? Ooh it feels cold"
"Uh-um I'm kind of preserved in this state so no that's gonna stay like that, it's fine though I guess it's magic … hey! Hands out the ribs buddy"
"O-ok guys, maybe we can back off a little? Give the skeleton some space?"
Archie himself was pushed slightly to the side of the stage as more people poured onto it, although he protested and tried to fight through the people himself in a vain attempt at rescuing his friend.
"W-woah hold on people! Skelly's alive ye know?! Don't hurt him-"
Skelly himself was backed up against the podium as the swarm of archaeologists continued to grow around him, chattering over each other and clambering to feel the real living bones for themselves.
"Ooh they were right, Heather, these are definitely real bones!"
"Feel the curvature on that spine, very healthy. I'd say … early 200's"
"From the size of the pelvis I'd say male"
"Woah buddy, personal space - alright, BACK OFF ALL OF YOU!"
The wave of spectators stepped back and Archie found himself landing flat on his back.
Skelly glowered at the crowd before pushing past some of them and out of the doors before anyone could stop him. Once he was out of sight the hoards of people turned and started clamouring at Archie instead.
"Archaeologist Smorf, where did he go?"
"Get him back!"
"I wasn't done taking my femur measurements!"
Archie jumped to his feet, looking annoyed and dusting off his good suit.
"You know, tha whole thing about a LIVING skeleton is that he's still a person. I shouldn't have let it get that far …" Archie gave an awkward bow "Thank ye fer yer time, now if you'll excuse me, a 'ave to go look for me friend"
Archie turned tail and ran towards the doors, the shouts of the ASOMF behind him begging him to bring back his presentation.
The Smurf ran through the building, checking every room and corner, and calling out the name of his friend. He even checked the gardens, and silly places he knew even Skelly couldn't possibly fit into. His suit was clinging to him with nervous sweat, now dirtied and scuffed from his frantic searching. But still no sign of a Smurf sized skeleton anywhere around the building.
Archie suddenly remembered something very specific about his friend.
And if his reasoning was correct, he needed to head to the beach.
Archie's suspicions were proved correct, as he found Skelly was sitting on the edge of the pier, his knees pulled up to his chin. The beach was surprisingly empty at this time, whether the other fae had left out of their own will or because Skelly had scared them Archie wasn't sure. He tentatively made his way along the pier, noticing that he could see the reflections of the sun on the surface of the water through the gaps in his ribs. What a weird existence it must be.
Archie sat down next to his friend, letting his legs hang over the side of the pier, the waves sloshing about a couple of feet below them.
An awkward silence hung thick in the air.
Archie gulped, then coughed.
"I thought I might find you here"
No reply from the skeleton.
"You mentioned you always come to the ocean when you feel sad, you told me once you felt drawn to it, like it were some part of your past"
Skelly's lips (or rather his jaw, since he had none) remained sealed. Archie sighed and sat back, using his hands to hold himself up.
A little more silence passed.
"Do you know WHY I got into archaeology in the first place?"
Skelly's golden pupils flickered towards him for a second.
"Pal was actually tha first to dig up anythin'. It t'were weird growing up in tha village, we didn't 'ave parents obviously - I mean we 'ad Papa as a sort o' authority figure but he was too busy splitting his attention amongst 100 kids to be anybody's "dad" dad – but anyway Smurfs have t'is weird instinct when it comes ta relatives. We knew even before we got our ancestry folders a little while back that me an' Pal t'were surely related. Back then a looked out for him as an older brother should, he were a shy kid – shyer than he is now, in fact. And if I weren't playin' wit' Miner I'd take him ta th' beach. One day he dug up this weird tooth, thought it was from some prehistoric creature! After that I couldn't stop 'im diggin' up fossils every chance he got"
Skelly still didn't speak, but his eyes were now focused on Archie, who knew he was listening.
"Well anyways, one day a was helpin' Miner down in the ole shaft, he were diggin' up coal fer the winter (he'd become interested in that stuff) when he suddenly found this weird little clay thing. He weren't too interested so he threw it over his shoulder an' it landed at me feet. Well a picked it up and turned it over an' noticed something reight strange about it – there was a little engravin' of a Smurf with a hat that looked nothin' like anything ah'd seen in the village. So a took it to Papa and he said 'Smurf' (ah didn't 'ave a name back then) 't'is is from some ancient Smurfs, long before we were 'ere' and it made me think. I'd never considered what kinds of Smurfs lived before us, but it opened me little Smurfling eyes it did."
Archie let out a little chuckle, lost in his own memory.
"It made me think, Skelly. We'll never get to speak to Smurfs of the past. Oh sure we can find letters an' pottery fragments that tell us about their ways o' life but we'll never know em. Lots o' Smurfs don't even care about the past. I spent my entire Smurfy life tryna uncover little fragments o' it so that I can see how they felt back then. An' then one day a hear through the Smurfvine that little Sorcerer has brought back a Smurf skeleton, an' am thinking 'well this is exciting, I've never seen a whole one'"
Skelly made a little noise which could have been a chuckle.
"Imagine me shock when it turned out to be a walkin', talkin' one at that. Do you know how many archaeologists actually get to speak face to face with the things they study their whole lives? Apart from me, none o' them. And we get so wrapped up in the excitement of study that we forget the things we're studyin' are an' always a've been people just like us. At the end of the day the only thing seperatin' us is time"
Archie shuffled into a more comfortable position on the pier.
"What I'm tryna say is … I was wrong for today, Skelly. For trying to set you up like a spectacle ta be studied in front o' a crowd o' strangers. I know a wouldn't like it if someone did tha' to me so why should you – because you're a person too. Or were. I mean you are, of course, just with less alive parts – oh well this is awkward now, what a MEANT ta say was you're not an artefact, yer an individual and as yer FRIEND … a should have treated ya like such"
Skelly looked down at the sea below them for a few moments more, and Archie thought he was going to continue the silent treatment until he saw the familiar magical glow about his neck that indicated he was about to speak.
"It's such a weird feeling being a person with no sense of who I am. I mean I know I have my own thoughts and feelings now but not remembering anything before Necromancer brought me back … I feel like I've lost the person I was, whoever I was. I think in that way … I get it, Archie. If I could just find some clues that weren't just my cryptic dreams that might help me piece together my past I'd be ever so happy. And well, I know they've never exactly seen a reanimated skeleton, so, whilst I AM upset about what happened in there … I get it. I know you didn't intend for it to go as far as it did. And … I'd be willing to go back if the conference still wants me."
"Are you … sure?" Archaeologist probed cautiously "You've had a rough day o' it, if you just want to go back to the village I won't be ups-"
"I want to go back" Skelly lay a bony hand on his friend's shoulder "But perhaps this time … I could be the one giving the speech?"
Archie paused and then grinned, pulling his friend in for a rather uncomfortable hug on his end.
"I'll make sure they listen ta every word"
The auditorium was silent again. Respectful.
After Archie gave them a thorough telling off, everyone who had been there had returned to their seats to listen to the new presentation – being given by the skeleton himself.
Skelly took the little audio amplifier tentatively from Alder and tapped it a couple times to make sure it was on.
"Er, hello everyone. My name's Skelly and er … I'm a skeleton as you may have already noticed … ahem sorry, I like to be a little humerus … no bite? Ok.
Well, I'm doing this presentation because … I was a person, once. Truth is I don't really remember who I was back then. I do have dreams about it sometimes! That's one of the weird things about me – I know I liked the ocean, or I assume I did because that's where I feel close to and where I often see. I know I had family – er, I think I did. I see a girl in my dreams too, I think she was family"
Skelly shrugged. He of course hadn't planned any of this speech so it was all coming out from the top of his head.
"Let's see … well I don't really remember dying. Or how I died. It was obviously foul play of some kind since I was quite young – oh and my favourite cloak that I'm not wearing tonight has a bit of a rip in the chest, maybe that had something to do with it. I don't know. Point being, I was a person once! From the past. And if I could I'm sure all you history nerds would love to hear about my era but sadly I don't remember any of it"
Archie put one hand over his face.
"But er, see to me … it's not too important if I don't remember the past. I think I see enough of it to know I lived well in what time I had. And I'm sorry to disappoint you all with not being able to recall more but for me my present is more important. What I do know is that in my own past I had a horrible master who revived me and treated me like a live in servant, and then I lived alone for many, many more years and I'm honestly not sure which was worse."
Skelly cleared his throat. He'd never been able to cry in this form but he could still get choked up.
"And then … a Smurf called Sorcerer found me. Brought me back to Smurf village. Gave me a new life. Family. Friends"
Skelly turned to Archie and gave him a skeletal grin.
"So as much as you guys are interested in the past – and I get it, it's pretty cool. I have a lot of past on these old bones and I guess I see why that's fascinating but people from the past were just people too, as I am now. And if you're respectful – and please don't carbon date me again – I'd be happy to answer more questions. But for me I much prefer living in the present"
And with that, Skelly handed the microphone back to Alder to wrap up the presentation as he slipped backstage to re-grab his trousers for the journey home.
He could hear cheering and applause from the theatre as Archie took his bow for the essay and presentation and then the smiling face of the Yorkshire Smurf appeared between the curtains, his eyes twinkling.
"Take it they liked the presentation in the end?"
"Oh yes, Alder's asked me if I – and you, but I said it was your choice – would be OK opening the conference next year too as a special mention"
"Hm, we'll see" Skelly chuckled. "I'm ok with comedy routines but I think you're better at the big speeches"
"I think tha did great, really"
Archie threw his arms around Skelly for another hug and gave him a quick kiss on his bony cheek.
"Thank you for agreeing to today, by tha way. Ah think I learned a thing or two, too"
"Heh well er, just call me "
"Mm maybe stick to that comedy routine of yours for now" Archie grinned "But between you an' me, a think you've got the makin's of a bone-afied archaeologist"