Chapter 5

Why Did He Show Him Mercy?

Jote pushed her door open but held onto it so it would not slam, glancing around at the modest bed and her worktable filled with herbs, medicinal vials, and sundries. Her frustration doubled when she realized she did not have a candle with her to ward off the darkness.

Fortunately, the moon's silver light touched a portion of her room and helped her locate a honey wax candlestick. She immediately gave up on the idea of lighting it with flint which was hidden somewhere on her desk. She begrudgingly used her own magic as a Bearer and lightly touched the wick, sudden heat flaring from her fingertip and catching onto the wick. If any of the Undying witnessed the scene, whether acolyte or Elder, she would have received quite the rebuke for utilizing magic.

Jote was a Bearer since the day she was born to a Rosarian maid working for the ducal family. Before the constabulary could brand her left cheek with the deadly wyvern ink, she was rescued by a compassionate member of the Undying.

From her earliest days, she was taught how to be resourceful with the use of her hands and without the need of aether. How to start fires, scout sources of water, identify medicinal plants, stitch wounds - and, of course, how to fight to best one's opponents in the art of the blades.

There was a strict code against the use of magic in the realm of the Undying. None of the Undying's Bearers used their magic as it could potentially attract unwanted attention and blow their cover. Another reason was because the Undying would lose members to the Crystal's Curse instead of focusing on their devotion to the Phoenix.

Only once was an exception was made – Undying Bearers used some of their healing powers on Joshua during his five-year convalescence. A sacrifice they viewed as divinely necessary even though it wore down their bodies.

Being a protector and attendant to the Phoenix, Jote in particular, was not only required to learn combat skills but hone her resourcefulness and keep herself in prime condition. She was forbidden from sacrificing her own physical well-being through the use of magic.

Looking into the flame of the small candle, Jote could not help but soften her furrowed brow when she recalled years ago something she overheard Joshua saying to another Undying member when he was informed that Jote was an unmarked Bearer.

"It brings me relief that Jote was never branded. I greatly wish that she lives a long life without the shackles of the Crystal's Curse. She is my right hand and I desire to keep her ever at my side."

Even now Jote could feel her face blushing just like she did that time she first overheard him. At night, she would turn over what Joshua said many times in her mind throughout the years especially when she craved comfort. Then she would reprimand herself by thinking, His Grace always demonstrates his generosity for all of the Undying. You are no exception. He never broached the subject with her that he was aware that she was a Bearer.

That sentimental memory lasted a few moments before it was whisked away as she turned around and closed her door swiftly but soundlessly and placed her brass candle holder on the table's edge.

Jote sat at her worktable and quickly cleared the area. She found her sketchbook where she chronicled everything from useful information about Valisthea or new plants that could be added to her ever-growing list of curatives. She hoped it would distract her mind and weigh her eyelids with exhaustion.

But that window of drowsiness never came as the moonlight moved across her room and the wax tears trickled down the candle. Nearby her hand was a wilted snow daisy in a beige clay vase that had come from a bouquet Dalan had picked and brought to the headquarters during a field observation in Sanbreque's Royal Meadows.

While the Undying's hideout was fit for function not aesthetics, there were exceptions made when it came to the study of botany. Jote asked to take one for her own studies. The only sound was the scratching of her pheasant quill scribbling across the page. Jote's hand wrote the correct words but her mind still had the evening's events painted vividly along with its residual emotions.

Joshua's expression when the elders confirmed that Clive was alive kept replaying over and over. His gaze softening, his mouth slightly open in awe and what she could tell, the sure beating of his heart. The shock, the denial, the hesitation, the relief, and the need to take immediate action. All of those mixed emotions showed themselves in his face within seconds.

In all her years of knowing him, she had never seen such depth of emotion. There were days she sensed his grief and nostalgia when she caught his eyes mist over as he gazed into the horizon. The way he tried to keep the grimace of pain hidden during his years of treatment when he first awoke from his long slumber at fifteen years of age. The look of absolute determination as he materialized his Eikon abilities or when he cast a Firaga spell from his hand or when swiping his blade in a sparring duel with Sulien and the assassins.

When Joshua defended his brother against the Undying, she saw that same look of absolute determination. It was as if his training and education that he perfected over the years was done for this very night of confrontation against the Elders and not for an actual battle.

Why is he showing his brother mercy? Why can't he think of himself and of us!? That night he was torn to shreds was by none other than his brother for Founder's sake! She yelled in her mind and abruptly stopped her writing to slam her quill down and pull her nutbrown hair behind her ear.

So many times, Jote became lost in her own questions of why this Eikon – now revealed to be Clive Rosfield – would commit such a wrongdoing? Not to mention to a child! Perhaps he was a jealous older brother who couldn't stand the thought of his younger, fragile brother being the Phoenix's Dominant and for being the heir to the ducal throne. The thought made Jote furious and the seed of prejudice against Clive Rosfiled was planted and sprouting already.

And yet…his Grace still forgives him…

A reaction bubbled to the surface that far outweighed her fury and frustration…jealousy.

Jealousy.

Perhaps she sensed that change would be coming. That maybe Joshua would secretly flee and set out to reunite with his brother. He may even leave in the dead of the night, without her, and journey across the realm to Sanbreque to find him. While everyone would strongly discourage him, they ultimately could not force him to stay. They were all obedient to the Master of the Undying's will and only answered to him.

Though it would be blasphemous to admit out loud, Jote did not care about that alternate scenario. All of her care and concern was for the Eikon's Dominant – Joshua Rosfield. If he were to leave to reunite with his brother and the worst were to befall him…her life would be all for naught. Before she could truly demonstrate her ability to protect him, there would be nothing to protect.

But it wasn't only that. Her heart ached with a sentiment she couldn't name and she felt her eyes prick with tears as her handwriting blurred before her. An intimate emotion that was far beyond the feelings a retainer should have for her master.

Seeking to pull herself out of her depressing reverie, she straightened up and realized she never removed her holster that contained several blades. Irritated with herself for possessing such shameful feelings for Joshua, she grabbed at the holster's clasp, not realizing that one of the daggers had loosened itself.

She yelped out in a pained surprise as the knife from her hand clanged to the floor. The clay vase that held the wilted snow daisy soon joined the knife on the floor with a subsequent crash. She hurriedly inspected her hand to assess the damage. The silver blade had bitten deeply into her right palm and fingers. How foolish of me! She inwardly panicked. She swished her head to the wall nearby which was organized with hooks filled with various items. She searched for materials to disinfect and bind her wound. Before she could make any further advances, she felt a mild touch on her wrist that made her jump out of her skin.

A familiar hand gently wrapped around her wrist and turned her hand to face upward, blood pooling into the palm. His other hand hovered above hers.

"No, your Grace, please save your—" But the warm tendrils of healing flame were already at work binding her skin together and turning her blood into soft ash that dissolved into their air.

The soothing feeling soon followed as the flame slowly faded, leaving her hand completely unscathed. No more biting pain and hardly a scar left behind.

Jote had already calmed down the moment she realized who it was – if anything it was the shock of him suddenly appearing. How did I not hear him behind me? How did I not hear the door open?

Her gaze drifted from her healed hand and made contact with his framed almond blue eyes, finding a tired but concerned expression.

"Forgive me. I heard a shout coming from your room and something breaking. I knocked on your door a couple of times but you did not answer. I was concerned so I entered." Joshua said in a hushed voice. It was almost as if he heard her internal questions.

Jote stared at him with embarrassment and her cheeks burned as her heart pounded. He stared back and she realized he was waiting on her answer.

"I- thank you…my lord…" Jote stuttered. Formality was drilled into her but right now she was caught unaware. A few years back, Joshua mildly teased her about not needing to be so formal with him as she was his attendant. But the raised eyebrows from Cyril and the Elders indicated otherwise.

She could see the reflection of the candle's flame in Joshua's eyes as he nodded. She thought he was going to leave after seeing that she was healed but he stood for a moment then gestured towards her bed as if asking permission. There were no other seats in the room besides the bed and her worktable bench which she currently occupied.

Jote knew what he was asking and turned herself towards her own bed as he took a seat at the edge. Jote's hands were folded in her lap as she darted her eyes around. Joshua adjusted himself and angled forward, placing his clasped hands in front of him. She noticed he was still wearing all of his clothes from before including the indigo tunic.

There was a momentary silence as they looked away from one another. How late is it? Jote glanced towards the open window and attempted to calculate the approximate time of night by the angle of the moon until Joshua's voice interrupted.

"Jote, you seem to carry a lot of unspoken thoughts. If you desire it, please share them with me." Joshua's tone had a slight note of pleading to it. He clearly did not wish to force her but seemed anxious to know.

Jote's breath hitched in her chest, surprised and shocked as her eyes turned to him.

"What…what do you mean, your Grace?" She inquired quietly.

Joshua appeared as though he was treading carefully. "We…have known each other for quite some time. Please do not think me arrogant for saying that I can sense when words from you are left unsaid."

Surprised by his sincerity, Jote looked at the floor as her long eyelashes brushed down. Clearly her lack of eye contact alone was confirmation of his statement. She took a deep breath and tried to imagine an escape route with great difficulty.

After a few moments stretched on, she replied, "Your Grace, I am perfectly at ease."

The words failed to convince even herself. It was a blatant lie.

"Jote. Please…be honest with me. Though you were silent at the gathering, I could sense a strong force emanating from you. Even in the hallway tonight before you left my side…" his voice trailed away but she sensed that it carried pain.

It almost ceased the air from Jote's chest. She dared to raise her eyes to meet his and the look she found caused a sharper pain than what she felt moments prior from the blade slicing her hand.

He held that expression in his framed cerulean eyes as if he was determined to right the wrongs he had committed. It was extremely difficult not to be honest with him after witnessing the intensity of that gaze. She damned the formality that was set in stone within her and took a hammer to crack it. The words came tumbling out.

"Forgive me your Grace for my forwardness. But I do not understand why you are insistent on exempting Lord Marquess from his actions. Is caution not the best course of action?"

Jote quickly stopped and whipped her head away from him as she realized what she was implying.

After witnessing his display during the council meeting, she was hesitant of provoking his annoyance. That was the last thing she wanted as this was the first evening where she had witnessed his outburst. She could tell that he was protective of his brother and his former Shield. She felt slow tendrils of jealousy rising from her heart once again.

After a few moments of agonizing awkwardness in the shame of her reaction, Jote slowly lifted her eyes back up to meet his. Her heart lifted when she saw his surprising reaction. Instead of finding an irate expression, much like the one he had in the council meeting, she was met with a neutral expression graced with a tint of understanding. Perhaps it was the fire from the candle on the table that was emphasizing the Prince of Flames' mien.

Joshua waited a couple moments and took a deep breath in and slowly sighed.

"You are troubled…I can understand why. It's only natural to question why would I be forgiving towards the person who had left me for dead that night ten years ago…"

Joshua's gaze drifted towards the open window with the moonlight streaming through. Jote's room was one of the few that had a window as the layout of Tabor meant most rooms were built into the mountainside. Joshua's room was ensconced to ensure maximum safety but sometimes she wondered if he ironically felt like a bird in a cage.

Jote dug her nails into her palm. She was about to ask an impertinent question - one where its answer may irreparably crush her.

"Will you…search for the Lord Marquess yourself, your Grace?" She regretted those words as soon as they left her lips. There was a slight shake to her voice. She almost didn't want to hear his reply.

Joshua glanced back to her with a questioning look, one of innocent confusion. Frankly, Jote found that expression incredibly endearing and wondered if he looked like that at ten years old before he was found that night in a ripped and bloodied body that barely held onto life.

His expression transformed to one of comprehension as the realization dawned on him.

"You mean…do I plan to secretly leave the Undying to find my brother?" The corner of his lips twitched up with the slightest amusement.

If only Jote could see her reflection now. Her wide eyes contained fear and dread. A vulnerable expression for a guardian.

But Joshua did not answer. Instead, he turned his head to gaze out the open window once more.

"Since emerging from my comatose state and throughout the era of my convalescence, you have been my steadfast companion in study, in training, and in my musings. We have spoken much about the second Dominant of Fire that assailed me that night, tirelessly analyzing every angle in search of understanding. But you always knew that it was never enough for me. I trust that our bond allows me to be forthright with you. What I am about to divulge, I must ask to keep to yourself. Let this remain between us. Not even Cyril should know."

Jote's heartbeat quickened as she anticipated his next words. Joshua broke eye contact with her as he sighed and looked at the carpet through his folded hands. They were in close proximity to each other now.

"While I rejoice that my brother is alive, I am fully aware that I must exercise caution. It is not for my safety that I am concerned for but for my brother's. This night I saw in Cyril and our Elder brothers and sisters an unshakeable determination. It was as unyielding as my own faith in my brother's innocence. While they have agreed not to pursue Clive, I must become a shield for him at a distance as he was once for me. I must protect him," Joshua stated with a strong conviction.

"I'm not sure if I completely understand, your Grace."

"I fear that if I pursue Clive and reunite with him, his Eikon may be provoked against his will by the same external force that was present that night. Should his Eikon attack me regardless of whether I take the form of the Phoenix or not, I have no doubt in my mind that the Undying would desire retribution."

Feeling as if her chest was being filled with warm water, Jote took a shuddering breath.

"My lord, how are you certain that our brothers and sisters would go against your word to leave his Lord Marquess untouched?" she inquired with her widened honeyed eyes. The emotions were hard to hold back.

Joshua's eyes held a wounded expression which he failed to hide.

"Jote…though the Undying may view my wishes as the ultimate creed, their methods and means to reach their desired result are not always ones I am in agreement."

What he said was true. The Undying in the past had sacrificed themselves in ways that upset Joshua as a proof of their faith. Sacrifices that were made in vain for the most menial of tasks. While this concept was ingrained in Jote since her nameday, she was keen of Joshua's reaction when he was told of another Undying's death. This naturally created cognitive dissonance within her. Yet she did note over the years how the concept of sacrifice slowly influenced Joshua as well -perhaps without him even realizing it.

Jote gave another defeated sigh. "Yes…I am well aware."

Joshua's gaze shifted to the wilted snow daisy that had fallen from the table earlier with the clay vase now in pieces. He reached down and slowly picked it up from the floor and sat back in his earlier position where he leaned towards her. His slender fingers were twirling the flower between his thumb and index fingers.

His brows beneath his wavy blond fringes slightly furrowed as he gazed at the flower. There was a heavy silence in the air as the only sound was the evening breeze.

"Then you know what would happen if I were to reunite with him in haste. If the worst were to occur…" He breathed in deeply and then sighed. "There would lie no doubt in my heart that our brothers and sisters would avenge me. That is why we must learn whatever we can of this malevolent force but also be aware of Clive's situation."

He looked up to meet Jote's dark eyes.

"Jote, in earnest I do wish to reunite with my brother even right now. Yet I am aware of all of the potential consequences. I must be patient and let time run its course. My selfish desire is that you remain ever by my side as we uncover the mysteries. But do not feel obliged based on duty alone- ultimately, the choice is yours."

Jote's gaze was fully locked into his. She was still processing everything he had said before. The way he had opened his heart to her and divulged his deepest thoughts about his brother. It truly brought her joy that her support mattered to him yet he wanted it to be her choice. Thank the Founder that there was but a single candlelight as the shadows of the room concealed her red cheeks.

All of the harsh emotions she felt earlier that evening – the shock, the anger, the frustration, the jealously – all melted away. There was just a slight ominous feeling for the future left behind along with the hope that Joshua's wisdom beyond his years was not in error for placing trust in his brother.

In all fairness, Jote never had a sibling yet the feeling of profound love and optimism that Joshua had for his older brother was tangible even to her. It would take time for her to fully comprehend his rationale and come to terms with his newfound purpose in life. But his unbending faith in his brother and willingness to be his shield from a distance formed tears behind her eyes. If she was to protect him, she would have to place her undying faith in Joshua.

She knew her answer in that moment when he asked her. She would never abandon him and would journey by his side across the realms.

"Your Grace, as you promise to be Lord Rosfield's shield, I will be yours and follow you across the Twins and even the Continent," Jote stated as if taking an oath.

Though still tired, Joshua's face brightened as a soft smile lit his expression. He seemed to want to convey many words to her but finally settled on a few.

"Thank you. Jote," he said her name in an almost whisper.

Jote felt her heart soften even more. She felt a second shock as Joshua reached out to her take her hand which was in a fist at the edge of her knee. The same hand that was injured only moments ago.

He gently moved his thumb against her knuckles to open her fingers from their fisted state and turned her palm upwards to face him. His hand held hers from below and his thumb stroked the inside of her palm as if checking the former wound. Not even a scar was present now. Just the ever-fading fingernail marks from earlier.

This intimate gesture alone sped up Jote's heart and she stopped herself from breathing as to not give her reaction away.

Joshua's other hand still held the wilted flower – wait.

It was no longer the lifeless flower from earlier but a revived and pristine snow daisy. Jote regarded the blossom with an amazed expression. She never realized that Joshua had the ability to heal other sources of life as well.

He pressed the stem of the flower in her palm and closed her hand to hold it. Then he held her hand with both of his.

"Until dawn, my lady," whispered Joshua with a chivalrous sparkle in his eyes. With that, he slid his hands from her and stood up from her bed to take his leave.

Jote sat still in her chair with her hand still holding the flower midair.

The previous statement had shaken her. He had never referred to her as "my lady" until this moment. My lady? I am but a servant…

Joshua moved away from her and reached the iron door handle.

"Good evening…your Grace," bid Jote.

Joshua opened the door and stopped to turn halfway towards her. He gave her a final nod and an affectionate smile. He stepped through the threshold and softly closed the door.

Jote still held the flower in her hand barely moving from her chair.

Never could she have anticipated that, years later, she would find herself falling for the Dominant of the Phoenix. Holding onto the precious flower, she promised that she would forge herself to become the strongest shield and protect him from all malicious forces that were sure to come their way.