Chapter 47: Does a Sick Girl Dream of Rabbits or Sheep?

The job of a medical professional asked of many sacrifices. Your sleep, your hunger, sometimes your sanity.

You must accept that you will see people die, or be in pain. This is not a job for the faint of heart.

But that is why Riku knew this was the place he could do the most good. Having witnessed death in many forms, life cruelly taken away before his eyes and in his hands, he wanted to avert this irreversible pain as much as his hands would let him.

He travels around the world, healing various diseases and repairing fractured and torn body parts through nothing more than miracles in the eyes of his peers.

His work is so ethically sound and successful that none have dared to approach him for questioning, and he has kept himself humble by refusing to host any interviews.

His reputation proceeds him only because of how far he's spread his aid, and the hope it's given to others.

All that matters to him is that he succeeds.

And it's through this newest patient, the frail but hauntingly beautiful Alice Carroll, that he finds himself challenged against all prior knowledge he once held dear.

Free from his travels to other locations, he returns to his workplace closest to home and immediately visits the girl in her room.

She's been given an IV drip and a few books to read at her request. Fairy tales of old, depicted in both modern and older interpretations, laid in a stack beside her bed.

She gazes out the window at the waning moon in the midday sky, eyes curious and detached from her surroundings.

"Good afternoon, Alice." He said, his light and gentle voice enough to guide her back to reality.

She turned her head and greeted him with a smile as dainty as lace, "Hello again, doctor. Here to try again?"

"I would like to run another blood test, yes, but that's not important right now." Riku pulled apart his coat and slowly turned himself around, confirming there was not a single medical tool on his person.

Then he sat down in the chair beside her and gazed into her eyes, "Have you been sleeping comfortably?"

"It's not hard to fall asleep. I can do it simply by closing my eyes, and wishing it to be so." She said, her voice carried lightly by its serenity.

"...I see." Riku closed his eyes and nodded, always knowing bravery whenever he saw it.

"Anything I can do to make you…more comfortable?" He offered.

She turned her head back and whispered, "...I used to enjoy lemon tea before I went to bed."

"I can have that made up and brought here in a matter of minutes. But first, I need to check to make sure it's ok for you to have acidic foods."

Riku picked up her files beside her bed and a quick examination reminded him of an important discovery…

Of all the inflictions she had, ranging from blood clots in the legs, an irregular heartbeat, and decreased mucus production, she had nothing going on in her throat.

After confirming it was ok, he rang up the cafeteria to get the tea prepared.

Once he was done, Alice asked him, "Doctor, do you get enough sleep?"

"As much as I need to." He replied.

"It must be difficult though…" Alice said with a mild degree of pity, much to Riku's curiosity.

"How do you figure?" He asked on his way back to the chair.

The moment he put his hand on the back of the chair, the room's colors inverted and Alice's face became black with her eyes a twisted swirl of white lines.

"Because of all the guuuuuiiilt." Clawed out of the voice of nothingness.

Riku blinked once and shook, returning to the familiarity of his patient's room.

Alice laid there, cocking her head with a confused expression. And upon looking at his hand, Riku saw that he was in a cold sweat.

He gently closed his eyes and coughed, "...I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"I said 'because you work so much'. Doctor, are you sure you're getting enough sleep?"

Riku rested a hand on the side of his head and muttered with concern, "Maybe I haven't…"

He then sat down, took a breath to steady himself, and then focused on her pile of books.

He took the top one off and smiled, "Ah, Alice in Wonderland. A classic."

"Heh heh, I'd be worried if you weren't familiar with it, Doctor." Alice said, a rare smile of gratitude on her face.

Riku chuckled fondly, "My wife loved to read it to our young boy when he was still in his crib."

After flipping through the pages to get familiar with the tale of the girl who fell into a whimsical world, he looked his patient in the eyes and asked her, "If I may be a little presumptuous…Were you named Alice because of this tale?"

Alice stared at the ceiling, her smile feeling not as true to herself as it was a moment ago, "That's a good question. Am I Alice because there was a girl in a tale named Alice? Or am I Alice because I was destined to read about a girl in a tale named Alice?"

Riku paused and thought about that for a moment, and didn't quite know how to respond.

The girl looked at him again and asked, "Like you, doctor. Your name is Riku. That's a character from an old video game series. Were you named that way because the character existed, or were you named that way because you have destined ties to that character?"

"That…is a rather interesting perspective, Alice," Riku said sincerely, but had nothing more than a fond chuckle at the idea of his brother putting any deeper meaning behind his name, "I doubt there was that much thought put into my name, though."

"Just what a knock-off DESERVES!"

Riku opened his eyes to see that black face with white eyes staring him down point-blank.

He blinked and then froze on a paralyzed stare, and his heart began to race with the chill of space gripping his chest.

"...Perhaps, I could make do with some tea myself." He went back to the phone to add his request to the order, picking a chamomile brand instead.

He then took a deep breath and sat back down in front of Alice, nearly forgetting to put her book back onto the stack.

"Is Alice in Wonderland your favorite fairy tale?" He asked.

"Yes, by a country mile," Alice replied with a smile, "It's a tale older than all of us still alive, but no less beautiful."

"I like looking at the various interpretations, to gauge how people view the message."

"Some authors write a straightforward adaptation of the tale. Others like to put a slight twist, to subvert the audience's expectations."

"But do you ever notice how the story always begins and ends the same?" Alice paused and her smile faded into a frown, "Alice enters Wonderland…and then leaves it behind forever."

"..." Riku felt there was a heavy weight behind her interpretation.

Alice had a faint twinkle of wonder in her eyes, "What a beautiful, ever-changing world Wonderland must be. She could have spent so, so long there."

Riku remarked, "But eventually, even whimsy would become mundane."

Alice closed her eyes and there was a mood surrounding her actions that made him believe she wanted to look upon him with spite.

"Imagination is boundless, it's free. If the world can't provide whimsy, then you learn to make your own."

Riku didn't want to say anymore. Even that prior comment felt rude by his usual upright standards.

After letting their conversation fade away into the sterile hospital air, Riku stood and approached her cautiously, "Before the tea arrives, it's time to help your body move."

"That time again, doctor? Alright…" Alice closed her eyes and released her rigidness around him, "You know this won't do anything."

And if Riku were any normal doctor, she wouldn't have even gotten the chance to say this.

For as he helped her stretch her legs and flip her body over, he noticed that the sores he thought he had made disappear with an extra sensitive herbal cream had returned in the exact same spots with the same level of intensity.

It was too fast.

But still, he would apply another layer of cream onto the sores before setting her down comfortably.

As he gently set her down onto her back, he heard a loud "SNAP" that echoed throughout the room.

And looked down to see that her leg had broken off, like it was connected to the joint of a doll.

He trembled and had a hard time breathing, as a knot tightened around his heart with cold, prickly thorns.

"All ThIS STrEngth…and people still DIE around you…"

He looked upon Alice and a black fog began to collapse upon her.

He closed his eyes, took a very deep breath, and upon opening them up again he enjoyed the natural sounds of the hospital atmosphere once more.

And Alice was perfectly fine.

"..." But she was staring at him with curiosity.

"Haaa…" Riku stepped away and wiped the cold sweat off his face and onto a towel, then threw it out and washed his hands.

"You're not an ordinary doctor, are you?" Alice's remark poked him with the same sort of chill as the thorns from his vision.

But when he turned around, he saw her curiously looking under her bedsheet at her legs, "I've never seen a treatment that reduces the sores that much, that fast."

Riku closed his eyes and felt relieved it was only that type of question, "I have my special methods. You must understand, of course, that I'm not at liberty to discuss them."

Alice covered herself back up and turned her head, "It's nice to feel comfy, for a little bit anyways. But they'll return. They always do."

She faced the inevitability of her situation with little more than a fake smile and a tender voice. He admired her attempts at bravery, but wished there was a little more hope behind it.

"...Later today, I'll be working on removing those blood clots in your legs." Riku warned her calmly.

"Hmm, that'll be nice. Then I'll be able to paddle my legs a bit if I feel stiff," Alice replied, before posing another question, "Doctor, can we play a game?"

Riku smiled, "What kind of game?"

"It's called 'Where will my blood clots appear next?'" She said such a hopelessly blunt statement with a continued smile.

"..." Riku closed his eyes and played along regardless, "If I had to guess…it'd be the arms."

"Guess?" Alice pondered, casting doubt on his abilities.

"Blood clots don't simply relocate when they're removed from one spot." Riku said.

Alice curled her lips and raised her brow, "Then you subscribe to a logical way of looking at my condition."

She turned towards the window and muttered, "I was right, you're going to fail to find the answer like all the rest."

"But…" Her head turned independently of the rest of her body and the black mass of her face grew a red, yawn-like smile that shifted between static and stone-like textures as it grew to cover half her face, "You're USED to THAT."

Riku closed his eyes and took a deep breath again, but when he opened them that black face had jumped off her head and hit him with a scream.

Then he opened his eyes again and fell forward, slamming his hand down onto the tool tray for balance.

He clenched his fist against his pounding chest and steadied himself upright to look at her as she glanced out the corner of her eyes.

"As you say…I'm not an ordinary doctor. Your life is worth saving, so I will take as long as I must to save it."

Alice turned her head back, and for a brief moment he saw her eyes tremble with the light of hope. And then it faded into the darkness, leaving only the mask of her smile to carry on her feelings.

At that time, there was a knock on the door, and Riku opened it to see that another nurse had brought both their tea.

"Thank you…" He whispered, bringing the tray over to Alice and carefully handing hers over.

She wiggled upright and shook her hand, "I'll wait until it's cooled off a bit."

Riku nodded and sat down to drink. The herbal remedy going down his throat was just what the doctor ordered, ironic though that remark may be.

After a little time, Alice picked up the cup with a slight struggle. To aid her, Riku subtly used his powers to hold onto the cup so it wouldn't drop nor spill.

She took a sip and immediately put the cup back onto the tray.

Riku pondered, "Does it taste too different now?"

"..." Alice laid back against her pillow and giggled, "...Actually doctor, I lied. I've never had lemon tea before. But I wanted to."

Riku smiled fondly at her little show of mischievousness and wondered, "Then it wasn't to your liking?"

"It's an odd taste. Tart, but…warm."

"I could add a little something to make it less tart, if you'd like."

"How?" Alice pondered.

Riku withdrew to his private cart in the back corner of the room and pulled back the curtain, revealing a spice rack, "I always keep this on hand, just in case."

He pulled out the sugar and added a dash of it to her tea, then gestured at it for her.

After another sip her smile was a little more pronounced, "That's much better."

"That's good." Riku watched the room twist and turn, pushing Alice's bed farther away.

But not before she threw her cup at his face and made him feel like his skin was being boiled alive.

"It's never ENOUGH!"

Riku thought this pain was real, and the laughs of the ill girl were grinding into his skull.

He took a deep breath a few times and then awoke to the real world.

There was hardly any subtlety to what was going on here…perhaps he was more tired than he was letting on.

Still, that was no excuse to abandon a patient in need.

He walked back over to her bed and looked down to see that her cup was empty, which made his heart skip a beat.

He began patting his face, but felt his skin was still there.

"What is the meaning of this…?"

"Doctor?" Alice murmured, "Are you sure you're alright? You were standing still for a while…"

Riku turned to face the clock and saw that five minutes had passed.

A grainy whisper penetrated his ear.

He took another deep breath, his only course of action against these strange mental breaks, and then sat in the chair in front of Alice.

Looking her dead in the eyes, she asked her softly, "If I haven't done enough to make you feel comfortable here, then please, speak up now."

Alice was stunned into silence for a few moments, and faced the ceiling before asking, "Doctor, you've done more than enough. But all you can do is temporarily dull the pain."

"Little tricks and sugary delights doesn't make you any different from the rest…"

He wanted to listen to her pessimism and believe that's what she truly sought to live by. But he could not ignore those brief glimpses of hope in her eyes.

He could only begin to imagine how long she's had to endure this pain with no one to answer it.

Her responses read like a routine she's performed over and over.

"..." Riku closed his eyes and bridged his fingers together, "Your favorite part of Alice in Wonderland is the Mad Hatter's Tea Party."

"H-Huh?" She turned her head with a truly perplexed look in her eyes.

He smiled with joy that he was right, "For a brief moment, Alice can experience a sense of normalcy. With familiar tastes, sights and sounds."

"It's why you specifically requested tea."

"...And what meaning do you interpret from that, doctor?" Alice inquired.

"I'm not going to be the one who explains your feelings, Alice. I want you to know…that I am listening. That I am here…" Riku opened his eyes and was assaulted by the black face on her head shrieking.

But he held on tight, fought against this strange, sleep depravity induced vision, and finished his sentiment, "But you must be here too. Not as a player on some stage, or a character in a predetermined narrative. But as Alice, my patient."

"..." Alice's eyes widened and she once more turned her head the other way.

Riku stood up, "...I can never force you to say anything."

"...Doctor," Alice murmured, "I want you to know that my barbed comments are not meant to offend you specifically. I simply do not trust doctors to do their job properly."

"...But as a person, I can tell you're genuinely kind. It's…felt like a while since I've gotten to have conversations like this. Normal…mundane conversations."

Riku smiled and sat back down as she flipped to face him again.

She curled her hand against the pillow and murmured, "You're…the only one I can have these conversations with anymore."

Riku felt prompted to pry further, but let her be. There was a heavy sorrow in her voice, as though her losses were recent and taxing upon her mind.

"...Doctor, have you ever wanted revenge against someone?"

It was a prompt and curious question, one which Riku answered honestly, "...Yes. Once."

"I don't know who I am even wanting to get revenge against. Just that they took three very important people away from me."

As she sat here all alone, with no other visitors sans himself and a few other assistants, Riku could only presume she had lost her family to some tragic event.

"I see nothing wrong with wanting revenge against a murderer. But it can never be your sole reason for living. Let it consume you, and you'll be nothing but a wandering void once it's over."

Alice smiled, "Normally, someone would say revenge is wrong."

"...Someone in my family lost a cherished member recently. But he's lived a life of loss, and learned to hold back his vengeance," Riku looked at the ground with a forlorn expression, "He's become a much stronger man than I."

"...You're saying, if you wanted revenge against someone, you'd do it?" Alice pondered.

"Perhaps," Riku wasn't quite sure of himself, "I'm a far cry from the lost child who saw revenge as his only purpose…But now, I also have a lot more to protect."

"And it'Ll ALl comE falLiNg DoWN uPoN you like an AVALANCHE OF SELF-LOATHING AND HATE."

Riku closed his eyes, but they refused to listen to him.

He stared into the darkness hovering below him, a twisted, malicious whirlpool of thorns and yarn-like tendrils inviting him into a deep red, single eye.

"..." Riku kept breathing to steady his heartbeat until he sat back in his chair comfortably, checking back on the clock to see that two minutes had escaped him.

He could not keep performing under these conditions, so he steadied himself upright and remarked, "I'll be right back."

The moment he opened the door he saw the ceiling lights were broken and the scent of blood was thick in the air.

Slashing noises filled the silence and he saw bisected bodies being flung down an intersecting hall, followed by a devastating flood of flame.

And out from the flames walked a twisted figure whose wings were stitched together out of black yarn and thorns, glitching into stone and metal and fire-like states of existence.

The person's face was upside-down, their smile encompassing half of it, and their right hand was nothing more than a burnt stump.

"Y-You…?" Riku froze, as a second later the figure impaled him through the chest from behind with their burnt stump.

"MEEEEEEE!"

He jolted awake with his heart racing and someone reaching out towards him, "Doctor Whiter…?"

"Ah!" He gasped and pulled back, but it was merely an assistant showing concern. A few other gazes wandered his way, and he had to presume he was standing in this position for a few minutes.

"..." He narrowed his gaze and pinched his forehead with a sigh, "This cannot be mere coincidence anymore. There's something going on here…"

And whatever it was, it seemed to be preventing him from figuring out the cause, even though every instinct was telling him how obvious the answer was.

He wanted to do an investigation into this, but slipping away from his job was ill-advised.

He took a quick walk to the rooftop to get some fresh air, stretch his arms, and then returned to Alice's room with no more incidents to speak of.

She greeted him with a smile, "You're back. Is everything alright?"

Riku calmly surveyed his surroundings and waited a few moments, "...It appears so."

He then returned by her side and, his curiosity tingling, decided to pull out her medical records.

To his surprise, there was nothing suggesting that any other doctors had caught her illness, "All these diseases, and yet no cross-contamination with other people?"

"Going to try something new, doctor?" Alice pondered.

"Not yet," Riku put her records back in place, "I was just thinking about something…"

"Everything I've done so far, blood tests, physical examinations, you've seen the works and plenty more. Is there anything a doctor…hasn't done before?"

Alice curled her lip and her answer, though not to his liking, was still pleasant to hear, "No one has talked to me this much."

"Heh. You are definitely one of my chattier patients." Riku commented in turn.

"Really? ...Being able to hold a conversation is a gift. Sometimes, you don't even get to talk back."

Riku closed his eyes and chuckled, "It's one of the reasons I was drawn to my wife. She and I can talk about anything in the world, and time just passes us by like the wind."

"So you're happily married? Even though your work takes you far away so often?"

"There's no distance great enough to separate us."

Alice's eyes quivered and she breathed a gentle sigh, "And let me guess…you have a good relationship with all your kids too?"

He felt there was bitterness in her tone of voice, and though that would be cause for worry, Riku had to be honest.

With a shameful lowering of head and shoulder, he bridged his hands before his waist, "I wish I could speak more positively on that front. I have four kids. Three daughters, one son, and of them, I only feel close to my boy."

"One daughter ran away from us, another struggles to look me in the eye. And my oldest…" Riku raised his hands and trembled, "I made her fear being held by others."

"..." Alice looked him straight in the eyes with confusion, "Why are you being this honest with me?"

"I have no reason not to trust you." Riku said bluntly.

"I-I see…"

"...Doctor, all this talking has worn me down. Is it ok if I rest now?"

"Of course. But I will be putting you under anesthetic later on while I work on removing your blood clots."

Alice turned to lay on her side and curled the blanket against her chest, "...Even though it's meaningless, thank you for trying."

He spent the rest of his time here trying to keep her relaxed while he ran a few tests again. The results he was getting so far were too inconclusive to make any sort of judgment call.

He didn't suffer anymore blackouts either, perhaps that fresh air was all he really needed after all.

But the fatigue rolled in again around the time he wrapped up with Alice and let her rest peacefully in her bed.

He decided to leave behind scented lavender hooked onto the ceiling to give her good dreams.

She had such a haunting visage in the presence of nighttime. It made him second guess whether he was dealing with someone truly alive.

But today reminded him that under all that pessimism was indeed a girl fighting to live, even if she didn't want to acknowledge it.

"Or YOU don't WaNt To ackNOwLeDgE that she will be YOur FIrst FAILure…"

"Oh. Sorry. First?"

"Do you think you can just IGNORE ME?!"

Riku turned around and was faced with a giant, boney spider wearing a green hat and with elven ears.

"..." He took a deep breath and picked up his things and tried to head out the door.

Black yarn and webs rushed after his feet and tangled him up, trying to drag him back in.

He took another deep breath, and continued walking, snapping the ties that bound him.

He tried to close his eyes as he made his way through the halls. The blackness forced them open without leaving behind the sensation of their touch.

Riku nevertheless kept walking through decaying ground and spiraling madness, trusting his gut to get him outside and into the rainy night.

The cold droplets snapped him back to reality, and he turned back to see his working place of residence was still intact.

"..." But when he looked back, he was stunned to see Lunalei standing in front of him.

"L-Luna…"

His daughter pulled a gun on him and shot him through the chest, "Ghhh…!"

He stumbled back and started bleeding black liquid.

"I was right," His daughter said in a haunting tone, "You really are a blackheart…"

Riku choked and gasped, then fell into the puddle of his own making, diving into a nightmarish sea.

"No, focus…this is nothing new." Riku took a deep breath and swam against the pressure of the water trying to drag him down.

He took a liberating gasp as he "breached" the surface, and opened his eyes to see he had returned to reality…

Now set ablaze, the moon splintered in two and the stars exploding into oblivion.

As he found himself blindsided by this nightmare, a terrible tearing sensation overcame his right arm and made him scream in pain.

His arm was pulled back into the grasp of a towering man holding a staff, "Still a fool to the bitter end. Drunk on power…drunk on the success of saving lives."

The man turned his head back, his hollowed out eye sockets filled with fraying black yarn and shards of metal, "This time…I will make sure to take the other arm…"

Riku fought through this pain, so real that his heart still raced even as he managed to break out of this nightmare.

It was then he recognized that he was a hazard to anyone he'd come across, and chose to avoid heading to the parking lot.

It would be a long, long walk through cold rain, whenever his mind would let him perceive it as such, but he felt confident that once he was home everything would be alright…

These sensations punished him by taking his fears and stabbing into him like thousands of prickly thorns.

It was as though the nightmare was trying to reach for his heart and render it cold.

So much guilt had gone unanswered, buried in the past.

Compounding it with the guilt of the present, and even Riku's strong mental facilities were starting to wear down.

But he held confidence that his instincts were stronger than fear, that he would find his way back home.

And eventually, with a body drenched in torrents of rain, he slammed his hands against the front door and got to witness it open hastily by his wife's hand.

"R-Riku…?" She voiced her deepest concerns, as his face was no doubt tired and pale with exhaustion.

He outsped her amazing reflexes to hug her tightly and accept her warmth into his body.

For all his failures, he had succeeded where it mattered most with her.

"...Oh honey, you look terrible." Lunis embraced him back.

"It's…been a strange day." He spoke honestly.

"LeT Us PUt you OUt of YoUr MiSeRY THeN!"

Lunis, with her silver beauty stained with black coils of metal for her hair and knives as thick as pillars, stabbed him through the gut.

But he held on just as softly, even as his heart ached.

No nightmare could fool him here.

He was right where he belonged…

Next Time: The After School Camping Team!