4.

She took a deep breath and filled her lungs with the cold November air. Just do it, Valentina thought and forced her feet to move. She put one foot in front of the other and slowly crossed the street. The building loomed over her with its massive wooden doors. A man dressed in a blue uniform and vest walked outside and held open the door for her and before she could blink, she was inside, and the door slammed shut behind her.

Her feet froze to the ground at the top of the old stairs as she took everything in. Inside was buzzing with activity. Everywhere she looked there were someone in uniform going somewhere. In the middle of the room stood a high desk and behind it stood an older woman with grey hair, whom Valentina assumed to be the one in charge given that she was in a different coloured shirt than everyone else.

This was it. This was district 21 where Jay worked and spent his days. There was no turning back from here. This was the moment she had both longed for and dreaded for months now.

It wasn't Jay's reaction as much as her own that frightened her. Or maybe it was. He was all she had left in terms of family. Everyone always said that the hardest thing to face when coming home was your own family. It was looking into their eyes that made you realise you made it home and was truly safe. It was when it became real that so many didn't make it back with you and would never get to look their family in the eyes ever again. Everything you ran from while you were away catches up with you. That was something she had desperately been trying to ignore, but the need to regain control of her life and to start living again won out. To be able to do that she had to stop hiding out in her apartment and face the rest of the world.

"Excuse me!" She said and approached the front desk. The grey-haired woman looked up from her paperwork with disinterest clearly written all over her face.

"How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for a Jay Halstead."

"Regarding?"

"It's personal." The woman studied her up and down for a minute before she gave Valentina a slight nod. "Park it over there."

Valentina turned around and did as she was told. She took a seat on a bench next to the stairs on the right that lead up to what she presumed was the second floor. The woman picked up a phone and spoke into it quietly for barely two seconds before she returned to her paperwork. Valentina sighed and settled in for what could be a long wait.

Her heart was almost beating out of her chest. If she had eaten any breakfast, it would be making a second entrance right about now as her nerves were wreaking havoc in her body. She looked up at the clock on the wall every few seconds only to find that the arms hadn't moved at all. It never ceased to amaze her how slowly time could move.

It took almost five minutes until Valentina could hear footsteps approaching, coming down the stairs. The footsteps were followed by the sound of the metal gate at the foot of the stairs opening and closing. Then she heard his voice, and she stopped breathing.

"I'm here Serge, what's up?"

Her head immediately spun in the direction of the voice and her eyes landed on a familiar figure that she would recognise anywhere. Jay, dressed in all black, walked over and leaned against the front desk. His hair was shorter than the last time she saw him, but not as short as it was during their employment. And he had grown a beard. But otherwise, he was just as she remembered. The same playful grin he always wore when he annoyed her to no end, adorned his face.

"You've got a visitor." The woman behind the desk pointed at Valentina, who slowly rose from the bench.

Jay turned around and his jaw immediately hit the floor. He took a tentative step in her direction before he faltered. His right hand came up to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. He let out a long breath and bowed his head before he looked up again and met her eyes.

"Are you really here?" he asked in a soft, almost broken voice.

"I'm here." Valentina replied just as softly.

Jay opened his arms up wide and looked expectantly at Valentina. Valentina happily walked into his arms and wrapped her arms around his waist. She sank into his embrace and allowed the familiarity to calm her worried soul. For the first time in a really long time the voices in her head stopped talking and she could just breath and allow him to comfort her for a little while.

Her vision became blurry as moisture built up in her eyes. She blinked fast to make it go away, but a stray tear still managed to spill out and run down her cheek. Jay's arms squeezed her more tightly to his chest.

"Are you okay, Nina?" he asked in a low voice. Valentina shook her head before she answered.

"I don't know." she whispered.

It was true. She was a complete mess. She got up in the morning, went to work and then went home to cook or read a book. But that was about it. She had isolated herself from the world, so she didn't have to face her problems. Like the fact that she dreaded going to bed every night in fear of what awaited her in her dreams. That the sight of her scar immediately brought her back to that fateful day and caused her to have a panic attack right there and then. Or the fact that she had not called her family and told them what had happened because she didn't want to hear "I told you so" and have them suffocate her with their overprotective nature that drove her up the wall.

In the middle of all this she threw herself into dangerous situations almost daily in the line of her new career. She had found herself a new second family that had no knowledge of her past and a partner that did everything she possibly could for Valentina to open up. Last but not least she had started something with Kelly, her partner's roommate and a superior officer from the firehouse, that caused butterflies to flutter around in her stomach every time he looked at her.

After a few minutes they pulled apart and simply looked at one another. They catalogued the differences from the last time they saw each other. Every new wrinkle. Every scar, even those that were only visible in their eyes. When this was done, a big grin spread on Jay's face.

"I can't believe that you're really here!" he exclaimed happily. "When did you get back?"

"Uhm…" she could lie to him and tell him at a later point, but she had never lied to him before, why should she start now? "A few months ago."

She could see the hurt and confusion on his face. His eyes told her about all of the questions that was running through his head at that moment.

"A few months?" he questioned. "How long have you been in Chicago?"

"The same." Jay opened his mouth to say something, but before he could she interrupted. "I wasn't ready to face anyone that knew me before. I'm not… Something happened, and I just wasn't ready to deal with it. I knew that if I saw you, I would have to. I just needed some time to adjust before re-entering the real world completely."

Jay nodded but remained silent as he mulled over her answer. Valentina's heart sped up as she hoped she didn't have to elaborate the reasons why, that he would except her vague explanation. She had already taken a huge step today by showing up here. She needed to take this one step at the time, or she would implode and run away.

"Are you staying?"

"Yeah." Valentina nodded her head. "I got a job as a paramedic at a station, not far from here actually. I quiet like it there." Jay's face lit up and he pulled her into another embrace.

"I'm glad!" he pulled back. "This is a cause for celebration don't you think? Tonight, beers on me?"

"Sure!" she let out a relieved laugh and matched Jay's enthusiasm.

"Do you want to come upstairs, meet my unit?"

"Okay."

Jay turned around and started to walk up the stairs. Valentina followed him and let out a long, shuddering breath when he could no longer see her. It was over. She had done the hard part. She faced the music and came out alive. Things had gone way better than the different scenarios she had made up inside her head.

They walked through the gate and continued upwards. When they reached the top of the stairs, Valentina came to a standstill and soaked everything in. Several desks were scattered around the room in front of a large whiteboard were several pictures hanged amidst unreadable writing. Every desk was occupied but one on the far end. Everyone's head turned their way and looked questioningly at her presence. A man walked out of the office on the other side of the room and joined the spectators.

"Everybody, this is Nina. She's practically my little sister, so behave!" Jay warned with a smirk. "Nina, meet Intelligence."

"Hi!" she gave and awkward wave and what she hoped was an inviting smile.

"How do you know Jay?" a blonde, scrawny looking kid asked. He looked like an excited puppy.

"We served together." Jay answered. "We were in the same unit."

Nina could see immediately how their respect for her rose the same second that Jay told them that little detail. She also knew that meant that they respected Jay and what he had gone through to get here. The fact that Jay had found his place again amongst people that respected him made her feel hopeful. Hopeful that maybe one day she could one day do the same.