Chapter Three: I Don't Deserve You

Morning light streamed in through the main room's windows. Eiji awoke in great pain. He had fallen asleep sitting on the sofa, with Ash's head in his lap. At some point in the night, he had slid down the back of the couch. Though his legs remained out in front of him, still supporting Ash's head, the rest of his body bent at his abdomen and was now resting on the remaining cushion of the couch. Any chiropractor would cringe just looking at the angle at which his spine had been bent for the past twelve or so hours. Eiji sat up very slowly, both out of pain and fear of waking Ash. Once upright, he realized his legs were completely numb. He was convinced that If he stabbed himself in the thigh right now, he would feel absolutely nothing. He looked down at Ash. He was in a much more comfortable position. He lay on his side with his bad shoulder in the air, and his left arm curled beside him. His long legs were scrunched so that he fit, although just barely, on his two cushions of the couch. Despite his numb legs and urge to pee, Eiji couldn't bring himself to move Ash's head just yet. Instead, he sat there softly touching Ash's hair, savoring the moment. Eiji sat there for several minutes combing his fingers through Ash's hair, gently untangling little knots that had formed during the night. After a few more minutes, Ash began to stir. He opened his eyes, squinting in the morning sun.

"Mornin', Ei-chan" he mumbled, his voice deep and raspy with sleep. He closed his eyes again and he sleepily teased "you're right where I left you, I see. You ever sleep, or did you just sit there all night combing my hair?"

Eiji lifted his hands, looking slightly offended.

"Well! Good morning to you too!" he said sarcastically.

Ash opened just his right eye to look up at Eiji. He placed his right hand beside his own face, near Eiji's knee.

"Please, don't stop. I was only teasing, I promise." Ash told him reassuringly.

Eiji's expression returned to its peaceful default. He smiled a bit and released a small, barely audible, sleepy sigh. His hand returned to the beautiful blond's hair, gently combing through it once more. Now both Ash's eyes were open, looking up briefly at Eiji. When he caught sight of Eiji's tender smile, he quickly closed his eyes once more, desperately willing himself not to blush.

From the second Ash woke, he felt intense pain originating in his shoulder and radiating down his back, as well as his arm. He had missed several doses of his medication during the night and he was paying for it now. But this moment was so pure, so sweet. He couldn't bring himself to move. What if Eiji never wanted to touch him like this again? With so much love, wanting absolutely nothing in return. He would never forgive himself. And so he decided to continue to lay there, even in pain, until Eiji moved first. Hell, he'd be happy to spend eternity like this, even with his throbbing wound. Similarly, Eiji's numb legs and overwhelming need to pee meant that he too was not in the most comfortable position. Yet, just like Ash, he could not bring himself to move. What if Ash never let Eiji so close to him again? Sure he seemed to be enjoying himself now, but his traumatic past created an uncertain future. What if Ash regrets this later and another opportunity to touch his beautiful hair never arises? He'd never forgive himself for letting such a beautiful moment slip by. And so he sat there continuing to run his fingers through Ash's hair until his bladder could hold no longer. As Eiji's fingers slowed to a stop, Ash opened his eyes and looked up at him. Eiji took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say.

"As much as I'd love to sit here with you...like this…forever, my bladder will burst if I sit here much longer." Eiji told Ash. "Also, my legs have been… what's the word... numb? Yes, numb for….well I'm not sure, actually, probably most of the night," he added awkwardly "so, unfortunately, you'll have to move that gorgeous head of yours."

That last statement made them both blush. Ash began to sit up slowly, his legs stiffly finding their way back to the floor, and his head to the back of the couch. As his head moved from Eiji's lap, Eiji began to rub his thighs, encouraging the feeling to return to his legs.

Ash yawned as he replied "Yeahhh, I need to pee too….that and take another oxy. I didn't take any all night and now the pain is ten times worse."

"Ash! I'm so sorry! I should have set an alarm... I should have woken you during the night to take your medicine!" Eiji exclaimed, sounding horrified at his oversight.

"Calm down. It's not your fault, I should have remembered to set my own damn alarms." Ash replied

"Alarms? As in more than one?" Eiji asked hesitantly.

"Well, I can take it every four hours, and the last pill I took was last night at 7...and it's..." he checked his phone "8 AM now...so I missed…" he closed his eyes doing the math through the haze of pain and fatigue "three doses...well, technically four, since I'm due for one now" he finished.

"Ok!" Eiji exclaimed, getting to his feet. By now enough feeling had returned to his legs to walk, although he still had the uncomfortable sensation of pins and needles with each step. "Let me pee and then I'll grab your meds!" he said as he ran to the bathroom.

"Don't forget to wash your hands!" Ash shouted after him with a stupid grin on his face. Eiji laughed in surprise as he closed the bathroom door.

"You're supposed to take these with food right?" Eiji asked Ash as he brought him his halved pill and water.

"I think so…" Ash responded sounding uncertain.

"I thought you said you took these often? How are you unsure?" Eiji asked.

"Well, I know you technically are, but I'm usually in too much pain to make myself anything." Ash explained.

"Well then, it's a good thing you have me here to take good care of you!" Eiji said with a smile. He then turned and entered the kitchen to get Ash something to eat.

"I can't imagine anything better." Ash whispered to himself.

When Eiji returned, he was carrying a plate of scrambled eggs, toast, and diced strawberries and bananas in one hand, and in the other, a large glass of orange juice. He set them down on the coffee table in front of Ash. Ash looked at the food in disbelief, and then quickly looked up at Eiji. Not only was this a full breakfast, but it was an American breakfast, which was something of a rarity for Eiji.

"You made me a legit breakfast?" he asked, his voice filled with awe.

"Well of course, what did you expect?" Eiji replied

"I don't know, a granola bar?" Ash responded sounding confused.

He knew any other guy here would have simply tossed him a granola bar if that. It wasn't that they didn't respect or care about Ash, but he was their boss and they weren't used to showing him such compassion. Plus he wasn't used to being vulnerable around them, so he likely wouldn't have asked for them to get him food anyway. But Eiji...Eiji didn't even need to be asked. He did this, treated Ash so well, just because he wanted to...just because he cared for him. Hot tears welled up in Ash's eyes as he continued to look at Eiji in disbelief.

"You're too good to me, Eiji, ya know that." Ash said, shaking his head.

"Honestly Ash, it's just scrambled eggs, it's not a big deal…" Eiji said, genuinely confused why this situation warranted tears from the toughest guy he knew.

Ash wiped away a few tears from his eyes and tugged the sleeve of Eiji's beautiful pale pink and white striped sweater.

"Sit" was all Ash dared say as he pulled Eiji down to the couch with him. Despite all his pain, Ash gave Eiji a one-handed hug, burying his face in Eiji's shoulder. "I really don't deserve you" he mumbled into his shoulder.

"Nor I you" Eiji replied as he placed one hand on the back of Ash's head and the other rubbed reassuringly up and down his back. With this, Ash gave in to the tears, gripping Eiji tightly as he cried into the shoulder.

At this moment, Bones left his bedroom, stumbling sleepily into the main room. He stopped in his tracks, eyes filled with terror, at the sight of his boss. Eiji clearly mouthed the word "OXYCODONE" to Bones while gesturing with his head towards the bottle of pills on the table. He was happy to falsely accuse the pain meds to explain Ash's little emotional release. Bones shrugged his shoulders, apparently satisfied with this explanation, and made his way to the bathroom. As he closed the door behind him, Eiji placed a gentle kiss on the top of Ash's head. For a split second Ash froze. And in the next second, he pulled Eiji impossibly closer to himself, sobbing even harder into his shoulder.

"I don't deserve this man!' They both thought in unison.

After moving to his bed after breakfast, Ash spent the remainder of the day in and out of consciousness. Every four hours, Eiji's alarm would sound, alerting him to wake Ash long enough for him to eat something and take his pill. With Bone's help, Eiji decided to change Ash's bandages after giving him his 4 O'Clock dose. Ash was so drowsy that Bones had to help him sit while Eiji quickly, yet carefully, tended the wound. Eiji fetched Ash a clean flannel, and let him sleep again until he was due for his next dose. This continued for the remainder of the day.

At midnight, Eiji's phone sounded off. He pried himself out of bed and gave Ash a nudge, only to find him already awake. Eiji first noticed his hair plastered to his head with sweat. He then noticed the discarded flannel that was hanging over the side of the bed. Finally, he noticed the blankets that had been kicked to the bottom of the bed.

"It's boiling in here!" Ash explained.

Eiji moved and placed the back of his hand on Ash's forehead.

"You're burning up." Eiji told him matter-of-factly. "I'll be right back..." he added. Eiji left the room and returned with a glass of water and a wet rag which he placed on Ash's forehead. Eiji's hand then moved to fetch the pill Ash was due to take. He paused as Ash shook his head in disagreement.

"Let me skip this dose, I don't feel well enough to eat anything right now. I'm sure I'll be back to sleep in a few minutes anyway…" Ash said, his voice trailing off in fatigue.

"Ash, no! You'll be in even more pain if-"

"I'll be fine! Really!"

"Fine." Eiji gave in, not having the strength to argue. He plopped back down on his own bed.

"Wait…" Ash said, causing Eiji to stand back up. Ash paused before finishing what he wanted to say. He looked away from Eiji as he added "I hate to ask this...but…but if you don't mind... could you help me out of these damn jeans? I feel like I'm suffocating. And I'm in too much pain to get them off on my own...believe me, I tried."

"Ah! Yeah! You should have said something sooner! That must be so uncomfortable, especially with your fever!"

Before Eiji could take a step closer, Ash skillfully unbuttoned and unzipped the skinny jeans with his left hand. He was certain he would have burst into flames right then and there if Eiji had to do that part for him. Eiji then helped him the rest of the way. Once Ash was free of the horrid pants, Eiji tossed them across the room to join the other dirty clothes in the hamper. Ash now lay there covered only in black boxer briefs, bandages, and the wet rag upon his forehead.

"You're the best, Ei-chan." Ash told him cooly, closing his eyes once again. Externally, he maintained his cool demeanor, but on the inside, his heart was pounding.

Eiji took a second to admire Ash while still standing between the two beds. Never before had he seen such a beautiful human. Even in his current feverish state, he looked perfect to Eiji. A bout of anger welled up in Eiji's chest, 'How dare Dino and his men treat him so badly?! Ash deserves better...the best! How dare they!'

"Go to bed, perv." Ash scolded Eiji teasingly, still feeling his presence standing over him through closed eyes.

"Sorry!" And with that, Eiji jumped back into his own bed. 'Baka! Baka, baka, baka!' He cursed himself in Japanese. 'How could I be so stupid! Now he probably thinks I was lusting after him! God, I'm such an idiot!' He cringed at his own actions and buried his head under his pillow.