Chapter Nine: Friends Never Say Goodbye

Faking your own death is much more difficult than one may think. Ash was learning this the hard way. A gunshot rang in his ears as he collapsed on the train tracks. Arthur had stabbed him right below his ribcage. Alex shot Arthur mere seconds after Ash collapsed. His hands were at his side, tightly gripping his freshly-opened flesh. Eiji was on his way back to Japan by now, he refused to die here without him. Surprisingly, he wasn't in pain. The adrenaline and shock made sure of that. All he needed to do was stay alive.

Shit hit the fan after Arthur fell dead. There were hands grabbing at Ash, his fellow gangsters rushing him to safety. Voices shouted at him to stay with them, to keep his eyes open. Guns fired left and right as the two gangs warred against each other, both wishing to avenge their fallen boss.

Tires squealed as Ash was whisked away in the back of a stolen ambulance. Ash's skin was several shades paler than usual. It was cold from all his spilled blood. Inside, four highly bribed EMTs and a single doctor worked their asses off to save Ash. Arthur missed his vital organs, but not by much. As long as they could stop the bleeding, he'd be fine.

Sweet, pure oxygen flooded his system. Someone was slapping his face "Mr. Lynx, Mr. Lynx we need you to stay with us!" they called to him. He was trying. He was trying so damn hard. He thought of his promise to Eiji. He thought of Eiji telling him he loved him 100+ times since last night, each time believing it might be his last chance to say it. He remembered the pink and white sweater Eiji insisted he leave behind for Ash. He thought of the way Eiji had kissed him, even with Max and Ibe watching, before they took him to the airport. He thought of the text Max had sent him; an image of Eiji seated on the plane, looking as white and dead inside as a ghost.

A needle pricked his vein, fractionally bringing him back to reality. Someone else's blood now mixed with his own. "Mr. Lynx, you're doing great. Stay with us a bit longer!" the EMT said again. He wanted to scream out in pain as he felt the stitches repair him, inside and out, but his nose and mouth were covered with an oxygen mask. Instead, his screams came out as muffled groans that fogged the mask.

"Try to breathe, just breathe, kiddo." It was Max. He was now acutely aware that Max held his hand tightly. How on earth had Max managed to reach Ash in time? He must be superman. Ash opened his eyes to look at him. He couldn't voice his question, but Max read his face well.

"He's fine. Eiji's fine. I watched them take off, he's on his way back to Japan now." Max told him. "Now, it's your turn to fulfill your promise. You have to survive. Hold on. If not for yourself then for Eiji. Don't break his heart. Hold on, Ash."

His vision clouded and disappeared as he lost the war between his eyelids and his willpower.

"Mr. Lynx! Mr. Lynx!" Someone was slapping him again.

"Ash! Damnit! Don't you dare die on me!" Max was shouting, tears spilling out.

"Mr. Lynx! Stay with us!"

"Fuck! We're losing him!"

"Sir, step aside!" Someone shouted at Max.

Beeeeeeeeeeeep. The world went black as Ash flatlined.

"CLEAR!" Lightning coursed through Ash, violently lifting and dropping his body on the metal table with a thud.

"CLEAR!" Again, his chest rose several inches before falling loudly on the table.

Still nothing.

"Hit him again!"

"CLEAR!" For a third time, his body thrashed upon the table. Third time's a charm. The heart monitor began to beep again. A half-laugh, half-sob escaped Max's lips.

Ash woke up in no pain at all. He glanced around the room to find they'd moved apartments. He'd never been here before. It seemed normal enough. It was a small, dark room. Come to think of it, it seemed it was more of a closet than a bedroom, there wasn't a window in sight. Windows must be too risky at the moment. Max sat slumped over in a chair at the foot of the bed. Standing beside Ash was an IV pole, feeding him two lines, presumably morphine and saline. That explained his lack of pain and the utter fatigue he felt.

"Max-" his voice escaped him in a small whisper. Max must have been on edge, sleeping lightly, because even that one small, whispered word was enough to jolt him awake.

"Ash!" He scooted his chair to the head of the bed. "Thank God, you're up! How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Gosh, you had me worried sick, kiddo!"

Ash closed his eyes and furrowed his brow. Max was giving him a headache with his barrage of words. He shook his head, "I'm not in pain, but I feel like shit. How much morphine ya have me on?"

"Not my department," Max said, shaking his head "Alex is in charge of that."

"What's my damage?" Ash asked, even though he was afraid to hear the answer. Max's face went stern.

"Stabbed right under your ribs, left side. No vital organs hit, but the bastard did get an artery or two. Couldn't tell ya which ones, I'm no doctor, after all. Anyway, you lost one-fifth of your blood. Doctor said you went into Hypovolemic Shock, which basically means you lost too much blood and your blood pressure was too low for your heart to pump blood through your body. They had to give you multiple transfusions during and after stitching you up."

"Lucky to be alive, huh?"

"Damn right." Max averted his eyes. "Actually...you died on the table. They had to shock you three times before you came back to us."

"I know, I remember." Ash said so quietly, Max wasn't sure he'd heard him. His eyes widened in horror.

"I felt each one. Worst pain, I've ever felt." Ash said, closing his eyes as he remembered it.

"Eiji was right to worry as much as he did."

"Hmm. Yeah." Ash said, unable to look at Max. "Please tell me you didn't tell him that."

"No, no. But you should." Max told him firmly. "I only talked to Ibe, told him you were alright. Told him to tell Eiji not to worry."

"And the plan? Does the world think I'm dead?"

"Mmmm. Broadcasted both you and Arthur's deaths on the 5 O'Clock news."

"Good." Ash let out a sigh of relief. "Then it's all worth it."

"Mmm." Max nodded in agreement.

"What day is it?"

"Thursday, you've been out for three days."

"Three days!?" Ash asked too quickly, wincing in pain. "No one's called Eiji in three days! He must be wor-"

"Calm down, I talked to Ibe, remember?"

"That's not the same! Call him right now!" He commanded.

"Don't you wanna talk to him?"

"Not...not yet. I can't yet, I wouldn't know what to say."

"You don't have to tell him all the details, just that you're alright." Max gazed into his eyes sympathetically.

"You've never had a hard conversation with Eiji, if that's what you think. He has a way of pulling information from me. Information I wasn't planning on telling anyone." He thought of the first time he told Eiji he loved him. The words left him, almost against his will."

"Well, you should really talk to him before the week's out. It'll put his mind at ease." Max rose, and opened the door. "I'll go call him."

"Wait. Call him in here, Max." Ash pleaded. "And put him on speaker phone? I want to hear his voice. But don't tell him I'm here. Say the drugs have me knocked out or some shit."

Max smiled at Ash sadly as he closed the door again and sat down. The phone rang only once before Eiji answered.

"Ash!? Ash!? Are you in pain, are you alright!?" Eiji's voice resonated from the phone's speakers. Ash closed his eyes. His stomach turned. He wished he was brave enough to talk to Eiji himself.

"It's Max, Eiji."

"Oh. Oh, sorry."

"I just wanted to give you an update."

"Is everything alright!? Has he woken up yet!? Eiji asked urgently through the phone.

"Yeah, yeah, he woke up a little bit ago. He's on a good deal of morphine-er- pain meds," Max clarified, unsure if Eiji knew the drug's name "so he's not in any pain."

"Can I talk to him?!"

Max made eye contact with Ash, raising his eyebrows. Ash shook his head.

"He's asleep right now, kid. I'll make sure he calls you before the week is out."

"That's not good enough, I want to talk to him tonight!"

Max glared at Ash. Ash averted his eyes. "Well, I'll try to wake him in a bit and see if he's up for a chat." Max explained.

"No, don't give him the option, he'll say no. Make him call me." Eiji demanded.

This elicited a laugh from Max. Ash shuddered. "Sounds like you know him well. But it's easier said than done, making Ash Lynx do something he doesn't want to." Max sighed. "Anyway, kid how are you holding up? Was your flight okay?" Max glanced at Ash. He was asking the questions he thought Ash would want to know.

"The flight was the worst 14 hours of my life." Eiji muttered, his voice sounding broken. "I'd be doing a whole lot better if he'd talk to me." He finished, bitterly.

For a moment, Ash wondered if Eiji could somehow see him through the phone. Tears swelled in his eyes as he thought of Eiji trapped on the plane.

"You sleeping? Getting enough to eat? Are ya taking care of yourself, Eiji?"

There was a pause. Max pulled the phone away from his face, making sure he hadn't lost connection or accidentally hung up. Then Eiji spoke again.

"Did Ash ask you to ask that?"

"What? No, I-"

"He's in the room, isn't he? He's listening." Eiji said very softly, his voice filled with hurt.

Max made a few awkward sounds as he tried to conjure up the right words. Silent, hot tears burned Ash's eyes, clouding his vision, before streaming down his cheeks.

"Well!" Eiji spat. "You tell my gorgeous blond boy I'm glad he's ok. You tell him I miss him. And that I love him and if he loves me too, he'll call me back."

The dial tone sounded and Eiji was gone. Ash had stopped crying, the words "my gorgeous blond" rang in his ears like a gunshot.

Max gawked at him, still holding the phone in disbelief.

"Call him back." Ash said, his voice hoarse.

Max crossed the room in two large steps. He handed Ash the phone but hadn't yet let go. "You call him back. And you better tell that boy you love him."

"He already knows." Ash grimaced. He used one hand to fiddle with the blanket.

"It doesn't matter, say it."

"I've said it before."

"Say it again." Max said sternly.

"They're not easy words!" Ash raised his voice, looking at Max.

"Being stuck nearly 7,000 miles away from your 'gorgeous blond boy' isn't easy either." He stared at Ash. "Say it." he said once more before releasing his hand from the phone.

"Fine, but get out. And don't listen at the door either."

"I don't think you realize how small this place is. I won't matter where I am, I'm gonna hear."

"Then take a walk." Ash spat.

"There's no way in hell I'm leaving you alone."

"Then just watch TV or something." Ash scowled.

"Fine, only if you promise to tell him."

"Ok, I will, just get out already!" Ash shouted.

Max did, closing the door behind him.

The phone rang, this time Eiji did not answer on the first ring. Ash wondered if he was going to pick up at all. He wouldn't blame him if he didn't. But right before the phone went to voicemail, Eiji answered.

For a moment he didn't speak. It felt like forever, but it was only 10 seconds. "Ash?" he asked finally in a soft voice.

"Hi, Eiji." Ash said, just above a whisper.

"Ash, you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice." Eiji choked out, barely holding back tears. Ash was genuinely surprised he wasn't chewing him out.

"How are you doing, Eiji?" Ash asked calmly.

"Better now that I know you're alive!" he responded quickly.

"But Max said he called Ibe days ago. You already knew I was alive." Ash furrowed his brows in confusion.

"I couldn't be sure they were telling me the truth. Not until I heard your voice. You should've seen me on the plane, Ash. I was a wreck, even with that pill. They offered to land the plane in California before we crossed the ocean, it was bad. If you had died, Ibe probably would have lied to me after seeing me like that." Eiji told him almost casually.

Ash didn't speak, he couldn't find the words. Tears threatened his eyes again.

"Are you crying, Ash?" Eiji asked, suspicious of the silence.

"Yeah." Ash breathed, no longer holding back his tears. He was sniffling into the phone now.

"I wish I could jump through the phone and hug you." Eiji said, sniffling as well.

"I love you, Eiji." Ash said. The words no longer felt scary. He was no longer speaking them because Max had told him to. He needed Eiji to hear them, no matter how hard they were to say.

Eiji laughed into the phone. Ash could hear the tears in his laugh. "God, I love you too, Ash." Eiji was so happy to speak the words to him again. Before the phone call, he was still worried he'd never get to say them again.

"Do you really think I'm a gorgeous blond?" Ash laughed, his voice lighter now.

"Of course." Eiji laughed, smiling into the phone. Ash laughed.

"Are you okay then?"Eiji asked.

"Yeah. The plan worked, the world thinks I'm dead."

"Ok, that's great, but I didn't ask about the plan. I asked if you were ok."

"I'll be ok, Eiji." Ash said, smiling sadly.

"Will you tell me about it?" he asked hesitantly.

"Only if you really want to know…" Ash told him softly.

"I really want to know."

"You'll probably start crying all over again."

"I don't care, I want to know everything."

Ash took a deep breath and began talking. Once he started, he couldn't stop. Once again, Eiji had somehow got him to tell him so much more than he thought he would. He told him everything. He told him about the fight, where Arthur stabbed him and where Alex shot Arthur. He told him of his injury, how many stitches it took to patch him up, how much blood he'd lost, his body going into shock. It took him several shaky attempts before he was able to get out the words "I died on the table." He described what it was like being shocked back to life. And he told him about the ambulance ride. About how it was the thought of Eiji that kept him fighting for his life.

"You actually died...on the table?" Eiji choked out between tears after Ash had finished talking.

"Try not to think about it, Eiji. This is why I didn't want to call yet. You have a way of making me spill all my beans."

Eiji laughed through tears at the phrase. "Thank you for telling me. I know it's hard, but I needed to know."

"Mmm. I know." Ash agreed. It was important that Eiji understand what he'd been through.

Eiji decided to change the topic. "So, are you taking care of our favorite sweater, then?" Eiji asked, referring, of course, to the pink and white striped sweater he'd left behind for Ash.

"I am." Ash lied with a smile. He hadn't actually seen the sweater yet and was praying it hadn't got left behind in the move. "It still smells like you; like roses."

"Good. Try not to get any blood on it." He teased.

"I wouldn't dare."

"Are they feeding you?" Eiji asked, a smile still in his voice.

"Well I've hardly been awake an hour, so no, not yet." Ash laughed.

"Mmmm. You must be exhausted. Do you have lead limbs again?" Eiji asked, his voice more serious now.

"Yeah, these pain meds are stronger, too. I'll be down and out for a while, I expect."

"I guess I should let you get some rest then..." he said regretfully.

"You make sure to get some sleep too. I don't want you losing sleep over me."

There are many ways to say 'I love you' without actually saying it. Eiji understood the sentiment behind Ash's words.

"I'll try, Ash." He said sweetly, a goofy smile on his face. If only Ash could see it. "Will you call me tomorrow?"

"Yes, if I'm conscious."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Ash confirmed. And he meant it.

"Set an alarm for your meds." Eiji decided to add before hanging up.

"It's an IV drip, it doesn't stop."

"Oh, are you in the hospital?" Eiji sounded confused.

"No, I'm hiding out. Gangster, remember. We can have illegal bags of morphine if we want." Ash told him lightly.

"Ok, ok." Eiji laughed.

"Anyway, Alex is in charge of it. Maybe he's not such a bad nurse after all. Though, I'd still rather have you taking care of me." he smirked, even though Eiji couldn't see.

"I'd rather that too." His voice trailed off and silence hung between them for a moment before Eiji said "Ok, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you, Ash."

"Take care of yourself, Ei-chan." Ash told him. Eiji understood what Ash meant.

They hung up. Ash held the phone close to his chest. It somehow filled a fraction of the void he felt not being to hold Eiji. Max poked his head in the door. Ash rolled his eyes dramatically.

"So you were listening even after I explicitly asked you not to?" he said annoyed, though not as annoyed as he was pretending to be.

"This place doesn't actually have a TV." Max explained with a sheepish grin.

"What!? I'm gonna be locked up here for God-knows-how-long without any TV?"

"Don't worry, I'll get you one." Max said, collecting his phone from Ash and sitting beside him again. "I'm proud of you...for telling him everything and for saying those three magic words."

"Yeah, yeah! Let me get some sleep, will ya?" he said, acting annoyed. Inside, he was happy. Max often filled the role of the father he desperately needed.

Max patted his leg twice and then left the room. Ash closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Max appeared in the doorway a moment later.

"What now?!" Ash shouted.

Max said nothing just threw a pink and white ball of fabric on his face. The smell of Eiji filled his nose, warming his whole being. Ash smiled, The Sweater was safe and sound.

"Thanks, dad." Ash mumbled through the sweater. Max just smiled and closed the door. Ash placed the sweater like a pillow between his neck and shoulder. He felt safe. If he couldn't have the real Eiji, this would at least fool his subconscious mind as he slept. He was asleep within minutes. Eiji held him in his dreams, he could thank the sweater for that.