Chapter Twenty-Eight: Hurt People Hurt Other People
A fan whirred quietly in the dimly lit room, disrupting the humid summer air with a delicious artificial breeze. That and slowed breaths were the only sounds breaking up the silence of the room. Eiji lay pressed up against Ash's side, his head upon his bare chest. Their legs intertwined casually in a way that had become second nature months ago. Eiji's index finger repetitively traced lazy figure eights upon Ash's sweat-dried chest. The action kept his mind running, as he was desperate to stay awake a little longer. This was, after all, Ash's favorite part; lying in each other's arms until their skin cooled and their breathing returned to normal. For Ash, this is what really drew the line between making love and simply having sex. Even when Dino Golzine had claimed to love him, he never did this, not that Ash would have let him or would have even wanted him to do so.
Ash's left arm lay heavy across Eiji's shoulders, and his right hand caressed his hair gently. Although Eiji loved it, he was mentally cursing the soothing motion because it was not helping his efforts to ward off sleep. Their breathing had slowed and now they battled their eyelids to continue basking in the other's love.
"That's never happened before," Ash said softly.
"Hmm?" Eiji hummed the question. Ash had done just about everything and what they'd done tonight was by no means new, so Eiji really was unsure what he meant.
"Cumming twice like that," Ash said much too casually.
"Mmm. I didn't even know that could happen," Eiji said innocently.
"Mmm, yeah, I knew, just never experienced it for myself, ya know."
Eiji hummed in agreement. He was thankful for the conversation, it kept sleep at bay a little longer. He continued it by asking, "Did you enjoy yourself?"
He heard and felt a vibration run through Ash's chest as he chuckled slightly. "Shit, Eiji, I came twice before you even did once, I think it's fair to say I enjoyed myself."
Eiji's eyebrows furrowed, "Hey, what's the point of Iku-san teaching you that big fancy word if you're just gonna turn around and forget it? We both know that physical reactions don't necessarily mean you enjoyed it."
"Hmm," Ash hummed, sending more vibrations through Eiji as his head laid on his chest. "Yeah, well that was more of a problem back when - before you."
"Huh?"
"I never enjoyed it before you but sometimes I'd still cum, even though I hated it. But that's never been the case with you. Now I have the opposite problem; enjoying myself but not…" his voice trailed off but Eiji knew what he meant, even if he couldn't bring himself to say it. "Anyway, you don't ever need to worry about that because I'd stop you if I didn't like it."
"Mmm, well, I'm still gonna ask," Eiji replied stubbornly.
Eiji couldn't see Ash's face but somehow he still knew Ash was smiling at him now.
"And that's why I'm marrying you," Ash told him sweetly.
Eiji smiled against his skin, "I love you too, Ash."
The unspoken declaration of love did not escape Eiji
Eiji stopped tracing patterns on Ash's skin for a moment and glanced at the ring on his finger, causing Ash to smile to himself.
"What are you thinking?" He asked with amusement.
"That...well one of us will be changing our name pretty soon...but we haven't discussed who," Eiji said softly. There was no concern or worry in his voice, it was simply an observation.
"Who's name are we taking, Ash?"
"Yours," he replied instantaneously. Lynx was never his real name and Callenreese posed a possible risk to their safety. If anyone ever discovered Ash had faked his death, that name would lead them to Eiji too.
"Hmm, mine…" Eiji mumbled in thought.
He pressed his hand against Ash to help prop himself up on his elbow. He found Ash staring at him lovingly. "So you'll be Ash Okumura?" He asked with a blush.
Ash nodded, "Callenreese carries too much danger...not to mention memories. If it's okay with you I want to take your name."
"And why would I not be okay with that?" Eiji asked, confused. Of course, he'd be honored for Ash to become an Okumura.
"Well...I don't know, I was more worried about what your family might think. You guys are all about tradition in this country, I didn't want to mess with that."
Eiji laid his head back on Ash's chest. "Screw tradition," he muttered against his skin.
Eiji felt the vibrations of another chuckle upon his ear.
Silence fell between them and Eiji could feel his eyelids becoming heavier and heavier with each passing breath, yet he still fought to stay awake. Soon, prying them open each time they reflexively closed was more strenuous than pole vaulting had ever been.
"Eiji," Ash whispered.
"Huh?" He replied, eyes pulling open.
"You can fall asleep," Ash said softly. There was a spark of amusement in his tone like watching Eiji battle sleep was something truly entertaining, deserving of its own reality show.
"I wanted to stay awake," he said with a yawn that showed his body was actively betraying him.
"I can tell," he responded with the same amusement. "But it's alright, I'm tired too."
"Tired too?" He asked with another yawn.
"Mmm."
"'Kay," Eiji replied. With that, he closed his eyes and sleep captured his consciousness within a minute. Ash smiled down at him and watched him sleep peacefully as long as his own sleep-deprived brain would allow. He cursed his body as his eyes closed. No matter how long he got to watch Eiji sleep upon his naked skin, it was never nearly long enough.
The front door burst open as a honk sounded from the street. Miyuki raced outside, still in her school uniform with no shoes on her feet.
"No WAYY! MOM, IT'S GORGEOUS!" Miyuki screamed as soon as her eyes caught sight of the black BMW pulled into their driveway.
Aki stepped out of the passenger side and Eiji stepped out of the driver's seat. Miyuki's face drained of excitement, her expression was twisted with confusion.
"Where's Ash?" She asked curiously.
Right on cue, a second car pulled up beside the home. Now that all his money was out in the open, he had no reason not to buy himself a car as well. He hadn't been planning on it when he went to the dealership that afternoon, but the cream-colored convertible in the display window was calling his name.
He parked in front of the house, the top of the car rolled down. To the neighbors, he must look like a movie star, the young blond American pulling up in an expensive convertible.
"You didn't," she muttered to herself in a low voice that Ash couldn't begin to hear from the street.
Miyuki raced down their front steps, unsure which car to admire first. She chose her mother's, simply because it was closer. She stuck her head inside and inhaled the delicious smell of new leather seats and rubber tires.
"Wow, Mom, is this really ours?" She could hardly believe it. She never thought they'd have a car, let alone one so gorgeous.
Aki had happy tears in her eyes as she bobbed her head yes.
Miyuki hopped inside and began to admire all the luxurious features.
Eiji left them and walked over to Ash who was still sitting inside the car he'd just purchased. Eiji leaned over the side of the passenger door with a goofy smile upon his lips.
"I can't believe you did this," Eiji gushed.
Ash didn't say anything, just shrugged with a smirk.
Eiji opened the passenger door and climbed in. He leaned close to Ash and asked quietly, "Will this be the car?" His dark eyes were unusually bright as he asked the question. The sun shone brightly overhead, bringing caramel-colored highlights to the surface of his hair. Not a hint of blush colored his confident cheeks. And in that moment, Ash wondered if Eiji had ever looked more beautiful.
Ash peered over his shoulder, glancing at the backseat. "I think there's enough room back there, don't you?" Ash responded with a shit-eating grin.
Eiji smiled gloriously at him, with all the warmth of a thousand suns.
"Room for what?" Miyuki asked excitedly as she threw her hands on the passenger door.
Miyuki couldn't see, but Eiji rolled his eyes, cursing her presence as she disturbed their moment.
"Room for us all to take her out for a spin," Ash said casually.
Thank God Ash could lie so well.
"Ah! Yes!" She squealed. She then turned her head and shouted at Aki, "MOM! Ash's taking us for a drive!"
Eiji got out of the passenger seat and pulled his seat forward so Miyuki and Aki could climb in the back. He then sat down beside Ash once more. Ash took them for a spin. He drove safely, even though all he really wanted to do was drive fast.
"Ashu!" Aki shouted over the wind from the backseat.
"Yeah?"
"Can't we go a little faster?" She asked in Japanese.
Ash laughed and shared a glance with Eiji. Maybe his prediction about her being a speed demon wasn't so far-fetched after all.
Once Ash got to the highway, they flew. Ash really was an excellent driver. Although he drove fast, at Aki's request, and wove in and out of other cars, they never felt unsafe. Instead, it was thrilling, exhilarating. The wind whipped through the car, freeing their faces from hair and deafening their ears as they raced along the coastal highway.
Ash glanced at Eiji. He expected him to look childlike with glee, but he didn't. Instead, he was wearing the same expression he wore last night when he told Ash that the car fantasy exited him. Eiji felt his glance and looked his way. He raised the corner of his mouth in a smirk that was characteristic to Ash, but rare for Eiji. Ash returned his smirk knowingly.
"Eyes on the road, lover boy!" Miyuki shouted from the backseat teasingly.
Ash gave her a sarcastic look through the rearview mirror and then returned his eyes to the road. Ash swerved sharply just to give Miyuki a scare.
She let out a surprised yelp. "Ash! You ASS!" She screamed over the wind.
Aki swatted her shoulder out of motherly obligation, but her face said the cursing hadn't actually bothered her.
Ash exited the highway at the next exit and began their return trip.
Once they returned home, everyone exited the beautiful car in very high spirits. The neighbor to the right of them was out watering her garden, probably hoping to catch them as they returned. The house had gone from zero cars to two expensive, luxury cars in a single morning. She motioned for Aki to come talk with her as they made their way up the driveway. Aki obliged and the two engaged in hushed conversation.
"What do you think she'll say?" Eiji asked Ash.
"I told her she could tell people my rich uncle died and left me everything."
"We're about to have a bunch of new friends on the block if she does that," Eiji teased.
"Good thing we won't be here much longer then."
Miyuki punched Ash, quite hard too, as he spoke the words. "Ass!" She said, raising her voice angrily.
Ash rubbed his arm where she'd struck him. "Hey, you know I'm only teasing!"
Miyuki's face reddened in anger or embarrassment, it was hard to tell which. She spun on her toes and stormed inside.
"She knows I was joking right?"
Ash loved it here, that's why they weren't going far. He hoped he hadn't truly offended her. She must know he loved living here.
"She knows, she just wishes we weren't leaving," Eiji replied seriously.
"She can't expect us to stay forever."
"No, but she can hope. Try to see it from her perspective. After we leave it will just be her and Mom. It's bound to get boring with just the two of them."
"But we'll be back to visit."
"Visits aren't the same."
Ash stared at the door Miyuki had slammed on her way inside. He checked the time on his phone.
"We have another house tour today," Ash began, "It's in about 40 minutes."
"When'd you book that?" Eiji asked.
"Yesterday after you told me you like smaller houses. This one caught my eye a while ago but I didn't book a tour because I wasn't sure it was...grand enough."
"Grand enough? Ash, why do you think I would care about that?"
"Cuz I'm an idiot," Ash told him flatly. Eiji tried to argue but Ash kept talking. "Anyway, point is I'm gonna talk to her before we go. We can drive now and it's not that far so I should have plenty of time." He glanced at Eiji a bit awkwardly. "Wish me luck," he said with a nervous smile.
Ash climbed the stairs and made his way down the hall to Miyuki's room. A single pale knuckle rapped softly on her door. She didn't answer and so he knocked again, this time a little louder but still non-threateningly.
"WHAT?" She shouted through the door.
"It's me," Ash said, announcing his presence.
"I know," She responded sassily, "I said, 'what?'"
If she were a guy-no-if she wasn't Eiji's sister he would have told her off and just left. And he was tempted. Instead, he took a deep breath and forced himself to speak calmly. But before he could speak she yelled again.
"What do you want, Ash!?"
"I want to come in!" The words came out harsher than he planned, but to be fair, she provoked him. You don't pull a cat's tail and expect it not to scratch you.
"That's nice!" She said sarcastically.
It took everything in him not to yell. She was acting out of a place of hurt he tried to remind himself. He didn't answer, just stood there for a moment in silence.
On the other side of the door, Miyuki sat quietly pressed up against it. She was listening hard, trying to decide if Ash was still standing there. Then the wooden floor creaked and she could tell he was walking away. The door was unlocked but he hadn't even tried the handle. If it were Eiji, he would have tried to bust in. Then she would have braced a foot against the door and used all 110 lbs of her body weight to keep him at bay as long as possible. And then he would've made it through and they'd shout for a bit and eventually make up. But Ash didn't act the way she'd expected. He was leaving without putting up a fight.
The door ripped open, causing Ash to stop and turn around halfway down the hall. Miyuki held onto the door as she stood threateningly in the doorway.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
"We're having a repeat," Ash said finally, "of what happened in Tokyo."
Miyuki glared at him.
"I'm in no hurry to leave here, Mi, I'm really not," he said truthfully. "But we have to leave at some point, you know that."
She said nothing, but her face softened and her eyes drifted to the floor.
"But I should've known better than to joke about it. I didn't mean to upset you."
She still said nothing. Her body was still tense. Her face had relaxed a bit, but her knuckles still gripped the door firmly.
"I'm not here to fight," he added, seeing the tension in her muscles, "I actually came to apologize." He took a deep breath, "So, you don't have to forgive me or even say anything, just know I'm sorry." With that, he turned away and began to walk down the hall again.
Miyuki's eyes widened and her eyebrows arched. She released the door she'd been gripping and color returned to her knuckles. As he reached the stairs, she willed her legs to move. She flew down the hallway, barely catching him before he rounded the stair's bend.
"Wait, Ash!" She called from the top of the stairs.
He stopped and looked up at her.
"I'm sorry," she blurted out. "I shouldn't have yelled. You're not Eiji...you don't fight back."
He chuckled, causing her face to twist in confusion.
"Sure I do," he replied, "and if you were anyone else I would have yelled at you too."
Miyuki blushed, she wasn't expecting that answer.
He ascended three stairs and then stopped so that they could see eye-to-eye. "We really aren't going far and we'll be back to visit. You'll still tutor me and we'll do lunch on Saturdays. We could still come for Sunday breakfast…" he paused in thought. "What else? What would help?"
"Movie nights...or game nights?" Miyuki suggested bashfully.
"They're yours, whenever you want," he agreed immediately. "What else?"
"Family dinners?"
"I'd come every night if Mom lets us," he smiled.
"Really?"
"I don't say things I don't mean," he said honestly.
She tried to smile but it turned into a tearful frown. "Ash," she whined.
Miyuki threw her arms around his neck and gave him a tearful hug. After a few seconds, Ash returned her hug lightly.
"Ash?" Eiji shouted from the lower level. "Ash? We should probably get going soon, right?"
Miyuki released him and averted her eyes. She was a bit embarrassed at her little emotional outburst.
"Wh-Where are you guys going?" She asked.
Ash closed his eyes and scrunched his face in a way that screamed, 'this is awkward.' "On a house tour," he told her.
"Good luck," she said with a small smile that proved the sincerity of her statement.
"Ash?" Eiji shouted again.
"I'll be right there!" he called back. "You can tag along if you'd like," he offered. Maybe if she came along she'd realize just how nearby they planned on moving.
"No, no it's okay."
Ash smiled and turned to leave.
"Wait, Ash?" She stopped him in his tracks.
"Yeah?" He asked, turning around once more.
"Thank you...for not screaming at me. I would've deserved it but still you...you didn't. I know I can act like a child when I'm upset...so it means a lot that you didn't treat me like one."
"I would never yell at a child," he told her with a face of stone.
"So you did treat me like a child then…?"
"No. You're hurting. You've already seen your own father walk away with empty promises of frequent returns. You're afraid this will be the same. But I promise it won't be. I didn't yell not because I was treating you like a child, but because I know what it's like to hurt, and yelling never helped anyone," he told her wisely.
She shook her head in disbelief. "Am I that obvious?"
Ash shrugged, "I'm good at reading people, so I really can't say." Maybe it wouldn't have been so obvious to others, but it was to Ash.
"We're gonna be late!" Eiji called once more.
"I have to go," Ash told her apologetically before starting back down the stairs.
"...bye…" she muttered quietly, almost to herself.
He disappeared around the bend of the stairs. She heard him chatting with Eiji the second he reached him. She turned and walked back to her bedroom. Once the door closed she flopped onto her bed and tears began streaming down her face. She was no longer angry but she was still sad. Ash had read her perfectly. She was afraid of being forgotten once they moved out. She never thought her own dad could leave and realize he didn't miss them as much as he thought he would. Would this really be any different? Ash had just promised that wouldn't happen but, really, only time would tell. But she hoped and prayed he was right. Because she couldn't stand to lose them too.
"No way…" Eiji twisted in the passenger seat towards Ash. "No way, Ash!"
"What?" He asked, genuinely confused what Eiji was on about.
"Which one are we seeing?" He asked as Ash parked the car.
"That one," he said, pointing to a house with a red door.
Eiji inhaled sharply.
"Why? What's wrong?"
"Did you know? Did Mom tell you?" He asked frantically.
"What? Eiji, what are you talking about?"
"That's my childhood home, Ash!"
Now it was Ash's turn to be shocked.
"No…no, I swear I didn't know. We don't have to go in if you don't want," Ash said. He couldn't imagine someone wanting to move into their old childhood home as an adult.
Eiji smiled, "I loved that house. I cried like a baby when we moved."
"Understandable."
"I was fifteen," he added humorously.
Ash smirked and raised an eyebrow, "Okay, less understandable."
Eiji chuckled, "Yeah."
"Why'd you move?" He asked with a knitted brow.
The smile fell from Eiji's face. "It got too expensive once Dad moved out," he said solemnly.
"Shit."
Eiji shrugged, "It's okay."
"You still wanna go in? I can explain the sit-"
"I do," he interrupted.
"Alright, let's go then."
Once inside Eiji greeted the realtor as Ash's head swiveled around the entryway. It was a gorgeous home, he wouldn't have wanted to tour it if it weren't, and it made him sad to picture the Okumuras moving out because they could no longer afford it on Aki's salary. It was only ten minutes by car from their current home, but this one was in a slightly nicer part of town. Ash imagined a 15 year-old Eiji crying as the home was boxed up and moved away. His face must have looked angry then, as he thought of Eiji's Dad leaving them behind for a better salary and more prestigious job title in Tokyo, because Eiji touched his arm lightly and said, "What's done is done, Ash. Let's look around, huh?"
Ash saw the realtor watching them nervously, he must have assumed Ash was already dissatisfied. He purposefully brightened his expression. "It's gorgeous so far, I can't wait to see the rest."
The mood lightened and they began the tour. The house was a good deal larger than the Okumura's current home, but still on the smaller side. It had about the same number of rooms, but each one was more spacious. It was staged with traditional Japanese furniture. The main level housed a spacious entryway, a living room lined with windows and doors that let in a generous amount of light, a decently-sized kitchen with a separate dining room, a small bedroom, a bathroom, and a laundry room that was much larger than the closet-size one in the current house. Beautiful bamboo floors lined the house where tatami mats didn't reside.
Upstairs, there was a master bedroom with high ceilings, large windows, and an ensuite bathroom with a shower and spacious tub. Upstairs, there was also a small office, another small bedroom, and another living room space that was currently staged with kotatsu and a TV.
The front yard was beautifully landscaped with flower beds and plum trees that would bear blossoms in the spring. The back of the house was lined with an engawa, a type of covered porch typical in Japanese homes, that could be accessed from several rooms on the lower level. The backyard contained various trees, a rock garden, statues, and a koi pond. A traditional stone fence lined the yard.
The whole house took Ash's breath away, but he tried to remain neutral. If this wasn't Eiji's childhood home, he'd have said straight away that he loved it. And if he could have his way, this would be the one. But he knew that EIji might feel differently, and he didn't want to influence his opinion. Even though he'd told Eiji just yesterday there was no room for politeness in house hunting, he wasn't about to follow his own rule if it meant putting Eiji in an awkward position.
They thanked the realtor as they departed and walked to their car.
"Well?" Eiji began, "What did you think?"
Ash started the engine and considered his words carefully. "It...was lovely."
Eiji fastened his seatbelt and waited for him to say more. But he didn't. "What? That's it?"
Ash buckled and pulled away from the curb, "You probably don't want to move back into your childhood home..."
"But?" He correctly assumed there was a 'but' Ash wasn't voicing.
"But if it wasn't your old home, I'd say it's the one," he decided to tell him honestly. "But that doesn't mean I want you to just agree to it. I want to know your honest opinion too."
"My honest opinion?"
"Mmm."
"I already told you. I loved that house, I was so heartbroken when we had to leave. I'd move back in a heartbeat."
Ash glanced at him and then back at the road. "Really?"
"Yeah," Eiji smiled.
"You're being honest?"
"I said I was."
"Well...just think on it a bit...I don't want to rush it."
Eiji let out a frustrated laugh, "I just said I'd move there in a heartbeat."
Ash glanced sideways at him again and pulled over. He put the car in park and looked at Eiji, trying to decide if he was really serious.
"What, Ash?"
"I'd move there in a heartbeat too, but wouldn't that be selfish of me?"
"No, because I loved that house. It would be a dream to own it again and make it ours."
Ash stared at him a moment before shifting the car back into drive and continuing their drive home.
"Ash," Eiji said, it wasn't a question but it also wasn't strictly a statement. "Ash, put an offer on that house."
Ash sighed. "It is a gorgeous home…"
"So buy it," Eiji smiled.
"I just told Miyuki we wouldn't rush out, yet here we are ready to go just an hour later…"
"Are you kidding?! She and Mom will be ecstatic. It's so close and it's a place they already feel at home in."
Ash's face relaxed. "Okay."
"Okay what?"
"Okay, I'll put an offer down."
Eiji grinned from ear-to-ear, "Ahh! Really?!" He leaned over and kissed Ash's cheek as he drove. "Marry me, Ash?"
Ash flushed and let out a laugh that sounded more like a question, "Ha, wha-what?" He glanced at Eiji, "Hasn't that already been established?" He checked his ringed finger on the steering wheel. He was thankful to see it glinting in the sun, it meant he hadn't dreamt the proposal.
"So what? I wanna hear you say it again," Eiji said with a feisty grin.
Ash's ears were red now too, and Eiji felt proud he'd flustered him so much. "Of course. Of course, I'll marry you, you goof."
"Put me down for a point!" Eiji chirped.
"Huh?" Ash raised an eyebrow.
"Our game? Put me down for a point, I flustered you!"
"Oh...oh, right. You and Miyuki are so bad at that game I forgot we were playing," Ash teased, quickly regaining his typical cool composure.
"Hmph!" Eiji raised his middle finger at Ash, "Fuck you!"
"In the backseat, please!"
Eiji turned as red as the converse on Ash's feet, "Ash!"
"Okay, okay, you're right...that's my job this time," he teased further.
Ash laughed from deep within as Eiji hid his face in his hands out of pure embarrassment.
Even.
Ash pulled over at a drug store before returning home. He got out of the car, Eiji a few steps behind him looking quite confused.
"What are you buying?"
"I'm not sure yet," Ash responded casually.
"Huh?"
They walked inside and the store clerk welcomed them. Ash perused the aisles, looking for something, but not sure what that something was just yet. He grabbed a box of salted caramel chocolates as they passed through the candy aisle, but apparently he wasn't satisfied with that because he kept browsing. They walked up and down each aisle. Eiji asked why they were there several times, but each time Ash ignored him. They reached the cosmetic aisle and that's when Ash saw it. He grabbed a box of pastel pink hair dye with a triumphant grin.
"Perfect!" He said happily to himself.
Eiji finally understood. "You're trying to make it up to Miyuki?"
"Yep," he said coolly as he read the information on the box. "Says this stuff washes out after five washes. I can handle pink hair for a week," Eiji wasn't sure if he was talking to him or to himself, not that it really mattered.
"You're just rewarding bad behavior," Eiji argued.
"No, that's not true," he replied, never looking up from the box of dye.
"Yeah it is, she threw a fit like a child, she's the one who needs to apologize."
"She already did." Ash picked up a second box to compare to the one he was already holding. He apparently preferred the first box because he placed the second box back on the shelf after mere seconds of looking it over.
"Ash," Eiji placed a hand on his forearm to get the blond to look at him.
"She's hurting, Eiji. She's afraid we'll leave and see her less and less until we hardly see her at all. She's worried she'll be forgotten again."
"Again?"
"It hurt her when your dad left. It must have."
"That's not what Dad did!" Eiji raised his voice.
Ash placed the box of dye in the basket he was carrying. "That's exactly what he did," he said calmly.
Eiji didn't argue because he realized Ash was right.
"And I think I unintentionally made it worse by buying that car today."
"But she loved the car," Eiji stated, confusion furrowing his brow.
"Maybe so, but I think she feels like I'm replacing us with things money can buy."
"So you're trying to prove that's not true by buying her more stuff?" Eiji asked with a skeptical tongue.
"It's ¥1,300, it's hardly expensive. No, this is something she talked about back in Tokyo. I'm trying to show I listen, I remember, and I care- even about the stupid stuff."
"I'm sure she already knows that."
"I want to make sure. 'Cuz I know what it feels like to have someone try to prove their love with money and expensive gifts."
Actions speak louder than words and Ash wanted to give her an experience that showed he wanted to spend time with her.
"Sooo you're gonna let her dye your hair?"
"I am."
Eiji frowned slightly. "But I love your hair," he whined.
"It'll be out in five washes, it'll be fine."
Eiji nodded slowly as he realized those words were just as much for Ash as they were for Eiji. "You don't even want her to dye it, do you?"
Ash tried to smile, but it was more of a grimace. "Nope."
Eiji smiled sadly, "You don't have to suffer to prove your love for someone," he said sincerely.
"Well...I'm gonna do it anyway," he decided.
Ash knocked lightly on Miyuki's door after dinner. Unlike earlier, she called, "It's open!"
Ash opened the door to find her sitting on her bed with her laptop, presumably working on homework. He said nothing, just dug into the contents of his plastic shopping bag. First, he tossed her the chocolates, which made her smile, and then the box of hair dye, which made her squeal.
"Ahhhh! No way, Ash! I get to dye your hair?!" She belted as she snapped her laptop shut and tossed it aside.
"Yes…" he shut the door behind him and sat on the edge of her bed. She leaned toward him with wide, curious eyes. "But first, I want you to listen to what I have to say. Do you have time?" He said, his eyes gesturing towards her laptop.
"It's Friday, I have all weekend to work on that," she said instantly.
"I want to tell you a story," he began slowly. She looked excited so he felt obligated to add, "It's a true one...about me...and it will probably upset you, but I promise there's a good reason for me telling it."
Her expression sobered but she didn't speak.
"Well? Can I tell it?" He asked with raised eyebrows.
She nodded.
He was silent for a moment. Mentally, he was reminding himself to keep the story free of too many upsetting details, and to stay calm. He wanted to tell his story with a level head, otherwise, he was sure she'd just get more upset. He took a deep breath and then began to speak. "When I was a boy, my parents weren't the best...to put it nicely. My mother left me and my father when I was very young so she could run off with some other guy. And my dad saw me as a burden she left behind. I never really felt loved by either of my parents." He caught her frown and added, "And I don't say that to make you pity me...but I'll get to the point later. Anyway, as a boy, I was on a baseball team and the coach was a real scumbag." There was no way to gloss over the next sentence, but he still tried, speaking the words quickly. "The coach raped kids and I was one of those kids."
Miyuki inhaled sharply but Ash continued speaking without acknowledging it.
"And my dad took one look at me and knew what had happened. He took me to the police, but nothing really came of it. And then he told me if the coach came to me again, just let him have his way with me. He knew I'd be better off if I didn't put up a fight. But he said to make the man pay me." Ash rolled his eyes, "Some father, right? Anyway, I did what my dad told me. And this all started when I was seven and ended when I was eight, with a bullet in his flesh...fired from the gun I'd stolen from my dad. Time passed and my dad tried to send me away to live with my aunt-again, some father, right? I didn't want to live with her so I ran away. That was maybe the stupidest thing I ever did because it was then that I was kidnapped and taken to New York City." Ash stopped talking for a moment to take another deep breath, willing himself to not get emotional.
"In the city, a mafia boss, Dino Golzine, ran some sick club for perverted politicians and businessmen. He trafficked young boys to these sick fucks and I was one of those boys." He glanced at Miyuki. Surprisingly, she wasn't crying, but she looked like she might start any second. "Should I continue? Is it too upsetting?"
"Keep going...you're the one who lived it, the least I can do is listen," she said softly.
Ash nodded. "Anyway, he sold me to creeps and used me for himself and over time I became his favorite toy." With closed eyes, he shook his head for a few seconds before continuing. "It was Dino who basically raised me. And he tried to convince me he loved me with expensive food and clothes and gifts. But it's hard to believe those words when they come from someone who rapes you every night. And he tried to convince me that I loved him too because I-" he didn't finish the sentence. "All that to say that I had a pretty skewed view of love all childhood- well, all my life, really. That is until I met Eiji. He was the first person who saved my life and didn't expect anything in return. He's the one who taught me love was gentle and caring and respectful and selfless. And he taught me that all through the way he treated me." He paused for a moment and looked at Miyuki. She looked distraught, but still remained calm, no tears spilled from her eyes. "So why tell you all this? What's the point?"
She shook her head like she didn't know, as if he were expecting an answer.
"The point is," he continued, "that I know what love is and I know what it isn't, and that's all thanks to your brother. And I need you to know I love Eiji and, in a different way, I also love you and your mom. When I saw how upset you got today, I realized I needed to make this clear; when I buy you guys expensive cars or slip you money, or take you to Tokyo, or whatever else- I'm not doing it to buy your love, I'm doing it because I already love you."
She'd listened to his whole story quietly. It was devastating, yet it was that last sentence that finally made the first tear fall.
"And I also know you're scared we'll leave you like your dad did, but I swear on my life I won't let that happen to you twice." He took a deep breath. "They're hard words to say, so please don't laugh...I love you and I'm sorry if I ever hurt you by overlooking your pain and your struggles because my own are so big. "
"I'd never laugh at that," she whispered seriously. She then wiped a tear from her eye and crawled from the middle of the bed to sit on the edge with Ash. She looked at her hands and began to speak. "I think you're the first person to realize my outbursts come from a place of hurt. Dad always says he loves us, but it's hard to believe that's true when we only get to see him a few times a year. It hurt when he left and it still hurts now."
"I know. Eiji accepts it, but you're allowed to still be pissed. Or just sad. Or whatever you need to be."
She nodded, "Thank you, Ash," she said softly. "It's been several years now so I feel like I should be over it."
She looked up from her hands. "Not that it's anything like what you've been through…" she added, a bit embarrassed that she was still upset over something so small compared to the tragic story he just told her.
"Eiji always calls me on my bullshit...and I have to call you on that. That's bullshit, Mi. It would kill me if any of you went through half of what I did. You don't have to compare your pain to mine- or anyone else's for that matter," he told her firmly.
Her dark brown eyes met his green ones and she studied him for a moment before saying, "That all happened...but you were purposely vague...right?"
Ash nodded, "Not even Eiji knows all the details. They're too upsetting."
He thought about how long it would take to recount every story of abuse. It'd probably take days, maybe even weeks. Plus that would bring them both so much unnecessary tears.
"That's so unfair...you just have to deal with it all on your own?"
"It's okay. Eiji knows enough, he doesn't need to know everything. And I can always talk to Iku-san."
Miyuki nodded. She wanted to hug him but after that story, she thought maybe she shouldn't. "It means a lot that you told me then."
Ash nodded. That was the point. Along with wanting her to know he understood false declarations of love and wanting her to see that sometimes his own pain was so big it blinded him to other's, that was the point; to show her he trusted her enough to be vulnerable around her. To show her he loved her.
Ash looked at her. Her head was hung low and she was unconsciously wrapping her arms around herself. It made her look small and anxious. Miyuki was fairly predictable, for the most part, and he realized instantly she'd like a hug but was too scared to ask. He scooted a few centimeters closer.
"Would you like a hug?" He asked softly.
She frowned and a few more tears fell as she nodded fiercely.
Ash hugged her and, for a moment, it was an awkward one-sided hug. But when he didn't let go, she hugged him back and cried softly into his shoulder.
Eiji had changed Ash. Something like this no longer felt scary. He now knew how to comfort others and show them he cared. And there was something so inexplicably beautiful about that.
And so she cried. For herself and the father she'd lost. For her Mom and what she'd lost when Okumura-san moved to Tokyo. And she cried for Ash and everything he'd been through. And for Eiji and what it must feel like to know the man you love has been hurt and traumatized more than anyone ever should, more than he can even tell you.
Ash rubbed her back and let her cry until she exhausted her tear ducts. When she finally pulled away, he lightened the mood by asking, "Should we do my hair tonight or tomorrow?"
That got her to smile. Victory.
"Tonight," she said between lingering sniffles.
"M'kay. Why don't you go take a shower and when you feel up to it, come get me and we'll do my hair."
"Okay," She said with another sniffle. She stood and grabbed some pajamas and made her way to the door. She paused in the doorway and added, "You're a really good brother, Ashu," she said, her Japanese accent peeking through her normal carefully crafted American voice.
She didn't wait for a response and continued walking towards the bathroom down the hall.
She left him smiling sappily at the foot of her bed.
Ash collapsed on the sofa beside Eiji, emotionally exhausted. He and Aki watched TV. Eiji sat on the sofa and Aki stood watching from the counter as she prepped food for tomorrow's dinner. Ash's head hit Eiji's lap. He closed his eyes and didn't say a word, but Eiji could feel him decompressing the second his head hit his legs.
"How'd it go?" Eiji whispered the question.
"Fine," Ash muttered back, blond lashes pulled like curtains over his typically piercing eyes.
"Did she cry?" He asked as he began to run his fingers through Ash's blond hair. It'd be dyed pink soon, he remembered as he stroked it. He smiled softly to himself at the thought of Ash letting Miyuki taint his perfect hair just because she wanted to.
"Everyone always cries," he complained almost bitterly.
Few people were privy to his past, and even fewer got the full story, but everyone he'd ever told always cried. Even if they tried to hide it, he'd always seen tears glaze their eyes. In a way he hated it. It meant Dino was still causing pain even from beyond the grave. Even before Dino was dead he hated it.
"Did you cry?"
"I wanted to...but no."
He'd chosen, instead, to stay strong for her, to make it easier.
Eiji rubbed his back comfortingly. "Mmm, baby," he mused sympathetically.
Miyuki took a long time in the shower, presumably crying a bit more while she was in there, and when she finally appeared in the living room, Ash was asleep in Eiji's lap. Aki had finished her prep work and had since gone to bed. They'd dye his hair tomorrow, she decided. She grabbed a snack from the kitchen as an excuse for coming downstairs and then disappeared silently back up the stairs.
Fifteen minutes later, the episode of the show Eiji was watching ended. At the press of a button, the TV went blank and Eiji gave Ash's shoulders a gentle shake. Ash stirred and squinted up at him, a bit disoriented.
"Let's go to bed," Eiji suggested.
"Miyuki ever come down?" He asked with drowsy concern.
"Mmm, she went back up though when she saw you sleeping." He saw through her snack excuse.
Ash sat and stretched sleepily, a fatigued grown escaping his lips. He eventually stood and they went upstairs. Ash fell back asleep almost instantly. Eiji, on the other hand, lay awake for a long while, wondering just how much Ash had told his sister. His life could be boiled down to a few tragic paragraphs, and even in this simplest form, it was not an easy story to recount. No wonder Ash was exhausted.
Ash lay on his stomach, clutching his pillow as he slept soundly. Eiji watched him sleep for a bit, trying to understand how he'd been so lucky to earn Ash's trust and affection. No one else got to know him like he did and that fact alone made him feel honored to be here with him now. His thumb touched the bottom of his engagement ring and he smiled into the darkness. He was so damn lucky. He closed his eyes and eventually drifted to sleep.