Chapter Thirty-Four: Dreamstate
The cabin of the car was quiet, only the sound of the air, the gentle sound of tires on pavement, and rain against the window filled the air. Ash's head was balanced against the window, rattling uncomfortably as the car drove over the bumpy city streets. Tears welled in his eyes but he didn't dare let them fall, the effort burned his throat.
"Come now, Ash, you didn't actually think someone could love you," Dino sneered.
Ash stared out the window, didn't even have the strength to look at him. They drove slowly in the New York traffic. Neon signs barraged his eyes. "He loved me," Ash rasped finally.
Dino scoffed, "Loved? Loved!? No one can love you! You're a whore." He placed his giant, meaty, paw of a hand on his upper thigh, uncomfortably high. "My whore," he said venomously.
It took all Ash's strength to raise his head from the window. "Don't fucking touch me!" He spat. He raised his arm and tried to throw a punch, but Dino had drugged him, so his arm simply fell weekly against his own torso.
The intention behind the action was enough to anger Dino, however. He violently gripped Ash's face by the chin. "I'll do what I want," he said angrily. He then painfully shoved his head back towards the window. There was a loud thump as his head made contact with the glass. He barely felt the pain, he was far too angry, far too devastated.
"You're to be punished," Dino said, more calmly now. "For running off like that. For disappearing into some drug-induced fantasy. Do you know what you were blabbering on about when I found you high as a fucking kite?" He scoffed. "Living a life in Japan? With that boy of yours? Owning a home? Absurd."
Ash shut his eyes and dug his fingernails into his own palm, with as much force as his weakened state would allow. He would not cry. Was it really all a dream? Had drugs simply made him believe what he wanted? And where was Eiji now?
"Where is he?" Ash hissed.
"That's not your concern. He's been taken care of," Dino answered emotionlessly.
"Where is he?" Ash repeated, this time with more heat.
Dino grabbed him by his shirt collar, pulling him away from the window. "It wasn't real, Ash! You never ran away with him and you never will! You were on drugs and believed what you wanted to! You're supposed to be smart, aren't you?! So how could you believe someone like him could love someone like you?" He shoved him back into the car door once more. Again, his head thudded loudly against the door, but he barely felt it.
"WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!" Ash screamed. He startled the driver, causing the car to swerve slightly. Someone honked. Dino cussed under his breath.
"He's dead!" Dino yelled back, though not as loudly.
"NO!" Ash shouted angrily. "No! You're lying to me!"
"He's dead and you watched him die! Why else would you have run off to some drug den?! You don't remember because you don't want to believe it, but that's the truth. Dead. Killed by banana fish, just like Shorter!"
"NO!" Ash screamed again, his voice more hoarse now. Tears were inevitable at this point, it was just a matter of time. "...no…," he whispered.
"Yes. He was different from the other subjects, though. Had a reaction. It killed him before he could give us any real, useful data."
Tears finally fell. "No...not Eiji," he croaked. "Not Eiji," he repeated tearfully.
"Yes, Ash. And the sooner you accept it the better." His hand returned to his thigh. "Now, you're finally back to me. And you will be punished."
Ash startled awake, gasping for breath. He was in his home in Japan. Eiji was sound asleep beside him. Alive. Eiji was alive, uncorrupted by banana fish. It had been a dream. No, a nightmare. But it felt so real...so real that he questioned if this was real now. Which was real? Was he only dreaming now? Was his unconscious body back in New York, asleep in Dino's multimillion-dollar fortress?
His chest burned as he struggled to breathe, trying to tell himself he was okay. This was real. This was his life.
He'd felt this way only once before, but it had happened back in Iku-san's office. They had dove deep into some repressed memories that session. It unearthed a deep-seated panic. He felt disoriented, like he was in a dream, like his life wasn't real. She had talked him through it and, until now, the feeling had never bothered him again.
He tried to remember her advice. Ground himself...he had to ground himself. His body was tingling with anxiety, he had to ground himself.
He grabbed his phone as he silently slid out of bed. It was 2 AM, that is if this was even real. He exited the bedroom, silently closing the door behind him, and made his way to the downstairs bathroom. He ran his wrists under icy cold water. It didn't seem to help, so he switched to hot instead. Steam poured out of the faucet and Ash pulled his wrists back in pain. "Shit!" He cursed.
Still, he felt no better. If anything, he was feeling worse. Because he felt pain in the dream too...so he was no closer to discovering which scenario was reality. Deep down he knew this was real, his life in Japan, but in his panicked state, he couldn't quite accept it.
He switched the water to cold once more. It did nothing except make his arms itch terribly. He jumped in the shower, instead. He hadn't even bothered to undress. The cold water made his shirt and boxers cling uncomfortably to his body. It helped, slightly, but he was still far from okay. He still felt disoriented and dizzy. He had to sit in the shower, trying to breathe. Try to breathe. Try to breathe. Try to breathe.
He couldn't breathe.
He shut the water off and tore out of the bathroom. It was illogical, but getting out of the room somehow helped the breath return to his lungs. He didn't stop in the hall, however, he left a trail of water behind him as he ran outside, slamming the front door behind him.
The wind hit his wet body, sending shivers through him. He paced up and down their sidewalk, still struggling to breathe. He pulled his phone from his pocket. It was soaked, but thankfully, it was water-resistant, so it still worked. He brushed water off the screen and opened his contacts. He, for some reason, felt like he couldn't wake Eiji, but still needed to talk to someone. But not just anyone, someone who could help him.
He thought about calling Iku-san. She'd given him her personal number for emergency situations like this. She wouldn't mind getting a call at 2 AM, she'd told him as much. But he didn't call her.
He couldn't call Aki or Miyuki. That would simply upset them and he wasn't sure talking to them would help. He felt like he was in a dream world, and they were part of that world, talking to them wouldn't help him distinguish fact from fiction.
He took a deep breath. Max. He could call Max. His finger hovered above the green phone icon by Max's name. His insides felt like they were boiling. He bit his tongue and called. Max answered on the third ring.
"Hey, kid!" Max answered enthusiastically.
"H-hey," Ash began, his voice coming out raspy from lack of use during the night.
"How's it going? Pretty late there, right? Everything okay?" Max asked, after realizing the time difference. It was late afternoon in New York.
Ash exhaled shakily into the phone. That helped. It solidified the fact that he and Max were in two different time zones. Max was in New York, and Ash was far away. Good.
"Ash? You okay?" Max asked, his concern obvious, despite the fact he tried to downplay it with his tone of voice.
"Ash?" He asked again when the other end was still silent.
"I- I just needed to hear your voice," he said finally.
It was a strange thing to say. Max was a bit speechless.
"What's that mean, Ash?" He asked with more obvious concern now. "Where are you?"
"At home," he said simply. But his voice was still strange. It sounded distant, even to him.
"Okay, good...good. Where's Eiji, kiddo?"
"Upstairs. Sleeping."
"Alright. Why'd you call? What's up?"
"Already told you."
"Well...I'm not sure I understood your answer. Why would you need to hear my voice, kid? Is something wrong?"
"I'm just feeling shitty," was the only explanation he gave.
"How so? Talk to me, Ash?" Max was pacing anxiously now, sweating a bit, hands shaking slightly. He'd never considered Ash a risk to himself, but suddenly, he was very worried for him.
"You wouldn't hurt yourself, would you Ash?" He asked, unable to stop himself.
Ash didn't answer but shook his head, which obviously Max could not see.
"Ash!?" Max demanded.
"No, Max, I wouldn't," he answered softly.
It was the truth, but Max was hardly convinced.
"Hey, you have lots to live for, kid, you have so many people who love you. You have Eiji. You can't do that to him. Please tell me you won't-"
"I wouldn't," he said more firmly, but still explaining nothing.
"I think he'd actually die if you did, there's no way he would ever be okay aga-"
"I said I won't," Ash interjected. If he was angry, his voice didn't show it.
Max ran a worried hand down his stubbly chin and let out a shaky sigh.
"What happened, Ash? You two have a fight? You drunk, kid?"
But Ash didn't sound drunk.
"Wha- No," Ash responded, a bit surprised. He and Eiji didn't really fight. Sure sometimes they bickered like an old married couple, and back in New York Eiji would yell at Ash for not taking care of himself or doing something risky for Eiji's sake, but here in Japan, they had little to fight about. Certainly, nothing that would leave Ash this upset. Ash shook his head again, "No, I- I just- I-"
"I'm listening, Ash, I'm listening. You can tell me," Max urged him on, trying to sound as open and comforting as he was humanly able, despite the fear coursing through his veins.
"I just- had the worst fucking dream," he said finally.
It was a step in the right direction. He recognized this was not a dream, but reality.
He exhaled shakily, "And I haven't quite snapped out of it yet."
"Okay. Okay, why don't you tell me about it, huh,?"
"I was- back in New York- with Dino." He scoffed as the last part left him. Of course, he was with Dino, all bad dreams contained traces of him.
"And he was taking me back to his mansion...he was telling me all this...here in Japan, with Eiji...wasn't real. Just a drug trip. Eiji was dead and I couldn't cope."
Max's face was twisted, somewhere between rage and sorrow.
"And...it just felt so real…" his voice trailed off.
"And you still aren't sure this is real?" Max inferred.
Ash sighed, "basically."
"Why me?" Max asked after a small pause.
Ash shrugged, "I dunno." He sat on the curb, soaking it with water as he did so. "You're in New York...that helps...somehow. I dunno. It's hard to explain.".
"Okay, makes sense," Max said softly. "Makes sense."
"Does it?"
"Mmm, it does." Max sighed, looked for something he could say to help further. "You in some kind of therapy, Ash?" He decided to ask. He wasn't sure if it was brash, hoped it wasn't.
"Yeah," was the only answer he got.
"Okay, well, this happen before? This disconnect from reality?"
"Once."
"Well, did your therapist teach you how to deal with it? What did you do last time, Ash?"
"Grounding exercises," he replied simply.
Max wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that. He had his own trauma from the war, of course, but never experienced what Ash was going through right now. And grounding could look many different ways.
"You try any of those yet?" He asked calmly.
"Kinda." With one hand, he balled up the fabric of his wet t-shirt and squeezed a bunch of water out onto the pavement.
"Okay. Did it help?"
"Kinda."
"Does talking to me help?"
"Kinda."
Max sighed quietly, trying to hide his frustration. Ash wasn't giving him much to work with here.
"Ash?"
Ash didn't respond.
"This is going to pass, okay?"
"Yeah," he unconvincingly agreed.
"I think you should go upstairs and wake up Eiji," Max suggested.
"I'm outside," was all he said back.
"Outside?" Max sounded more worried now. "Why are you outside?"
He couldn't breathe inside. Instead, he said, "Didn't want to wake Eiji."
Max inhaled deeply and then audibly exhaled. "Well, I think it's a good idea to wake him. He can help you more than I can." Back in New York, he ran a worried hand through his hair. "But if you want me to, I'll stay on the line. We can talk as long as you need to, okay?"
Max would sit with him until the sun rose in Japan and Eiji woke naturally. He'd push aside all obligations to make sure he was okay. Ash said he'd never hurt himself, but Max wasn't convinced. He'd never seen, or rather heard, him like this and that alone was enough to scare him.
"I can't go in there yet," Ash replied.
"Okay, okay, that's alright. Stay with me then."
"Mmm."
"You want to talk about something else? Take your mind off things?" Max suggested.
Ash shrugged, "Sure," he muttered lifelessly.
Max dug for a more cheerful topic. "Jessica and Michael moved to New York with me. The wedding is next month. Michael is going to be the ring-bearer at the wedding. We bought his suit last week. I'll send you a picture of him in it, he looks adorable…"
Max continued talking, Ash mumbled a small "Mmmhmm," and "uh-huh," here and there, but he was only half-listening. He was trying to pay attention, to take his mind off other things, but in the back of his mind, he still wasn't sure this was even real. He dug his toes into the asphalt of the street below his bare feet. It hurt. Good. Anything to connect him more concretely to this world.
After a few more minutes, the front door opened and Eiji ran outside. Max heard him on the other end. He let out a sigh of relief but didn't yet hang up. He'd be okay now. That was what Max was waiting for. He had planned to stay on the line until he actually heard Eiji's voice. He had no intention of simply believing Ash would wake Eiji, he needed to hear the other boy's voice.
"Ash!?" Eiji shouted anxiously as he ran towards him.
Ash was still sitting on the curb in his wet clothes, looking miles from reality. Eiji reached him and squatted next to him on the curb.
"Why are you all wet?" Eiji asked.
Max's eyebrows rose in surprise. He hadn't expected that.
Ash shrugged. "Took a shower."
"In your clothes?"
He shrugged again. "I guess," he said numbly.
"Oh, baby, what's wrong?"
Another shrug.
Just then, Eiji spotted the phone he held up to his ear. "Who are you talking to, Ash?"
"Max," he said simply, devoid of emotion.
"Did he call you, or…"
"I called him."
Max was still listening intently. "Eiji!" Max's voice buzzed from the speaker.
"Can I?" Eiji asked, indicating he wanted Ash to hand him the phone. Ash handed him the phone.
"Hey, Max," Eiji spoke into the phone.
They began to talk, Ash could hear both their voices, and that helped. Proof they still existed in the same world. He exhaled and some of his anxiety left him. Eiji noticed, and moved closer to him on the curb. He wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling the blond close to him, not caring that his clothes were getting wet.
"I was worried about him," Max was saying, "he's not himself...acting so strange. I was worried he might hurt himself, ya know? I couldn't hang up until I knew you were with him."
Tears formed in Eiji's dark eyes. He held Ash tighter. Ash allowed his head to fall onto Eiji's shoulder. He inhaled Eiji's comforting scent.
"Thank you, Max," Eiji said gravely. "You're a good friend."
"Of course, kid, of course. I'm happy to help however I can," he said honestly.
"I appreciate that."
"Eiji? Go take care of him now, but call me later, okay? Even if it's late here, call me, okay?"
Eiji smiled slightly. "I will."
They said goodbye and hung up. Eiji pocketed Ash's phone in the pajama pants he was wearing.
"Hey," he said gently. "Let's get you inside, okay? You must be cold."
Was he cold? Ash wasn't sure. He felt numb to the world. He simply nodded and allowed Eiji to help him inside.
They made their way upstairs. Eiji grabbed a towel and fresh clothes. Ash just stood in the center of their bedroom, looking dazed.
"Do you want help?" Eiji asked, pointing to the towel Ash was still holding but not using.
Ash nodded. "Okay."
Eiji helped him out of his wet clothes, dried his skin, and helped him into clean, dry pajama pants and one of Eiji's shirts. It was actually one of the shirts Eiji had stolen from Ash, so it fit, but still smelled like Eiji, and that was the point, Eiji knew it would help him feel safe. Once he was fully clothed, he ran the towel gently through Ash's hair. He then changed into a dry shirt himself, since holding Ash had gotten him all wet.
Ash was still standing numbly in the center of the room.
"Ash?" Eiji asked carefully. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
He shrugged and sank to the floor in one fluid motion. "I had a dream that this was all a dream and now I can't shake that feeling," was all he said quickly.
Eiji sat crisscrossed on the floor, across from Ash. "That's a horrible feeling," Eiji said sympathetically.
"You know it?" Ash's head perked up, a bit of life returned to his eyes.
Eiji nodded. "Used to get it all the time. I was depressed, after my injury, and I used to dissociate...usually for no reason at all."
Ash stared at him intently, encouraging him with his facial expression to continue talking.
"I saw someone about it...and for other stuff...and they taught me some grounding exercises...and some breathing exercises. But ya know what helped most?"
Ash shook his head.
"I would go outside and lay face down in the grass," he adjusted so he now laid on his stomach, with his cheek to the floor. "Like this."
Ash looked puzzled.
"Looks crazy, I know," Eiji smiled. "But for some reason, it really helps." He patted the floor beside him. "Try."
Ash joined him on the floor. They lay so their faces were oriented towards the other.
"Are you real, Eiji?" Ash finally asked the question that was burning in his brain.
Eiji frowned, a few tears welled visibly in his eyes. "Yes, Ash, I'm real," he said quietly, trying not to cry.
"You wouldn't lie to me?"
"No," he whispered. A few tears fell to the wood floor.
"Am I real?"
Eiji nodded, the movement drug his hair up and down the wood floor. "Yes, Ash, you are real. I promise you're not dreaming."
"Dino said it was a drug trip," Ash said, finally providing a single detail about the dream he'd had.
"Dino always lies," Eiji said sternly.
Ash nodded. That was true, Dino lied, convincingly, about a lot of things.
"Dino said you were dead, killed by banana fish," he elaborated.
"Dino is dead, Ash, he's the one that's not real. Just a ghost who still haunts you."
"Promise?" Ash whispered.
Eiji nodded, "I promise."
Just then, Ash's phone buzzed three times against the floor from its temporary home in Eiji's pocket. He sat and glanced at the home screen. Three texts, all from Max. Eiji opened them. The first was one simple word. "Ooops," followed by a picture. It was a selfie. Max was standing in front of a large, elaborate headstone: Dino Golzine's grave. It was covered in half-a-dozen raw eggs, thanks to Max. The third text said, "Hope ya feel better, kiddo." Eiji smiled. He showed the phone to Ash.
Ash rolled over so that his back hit the wood floor. He took the phone from Eiji's hands and held it above his face. The tiniest of smiles spread across his face. "He's really dead," Ash said finally. It was the first time he'd actually seen Dino's grave. Proof.
Eiji nodded.
Ash pressed the power button and pocketed the phone. "Can we go lay in the grass?" Ash asked.
Eiji smiled, "Of course."
They made their way to the backyard, bringing a few blankets with them. They laid face down in the grass. Ash was silent, still didn't feel like talking much. Eiji told him stories. A few were memories from his childhood, and a few were completely made up. Even after Ash dozed off, Eiji kept talking, not wanting the lack of noise to wake him up. And he thought that, maybe, if he kept talking, he'd appear in Ash's dream instead of Dino.
The sun woke them earlier than normal. They rose sleepily and drifted inside. Eiji made coffee and Ash settled on the couch, blanket in tow. Ash sat as Eiji brought him coffee, which he graciously accepted.
"Feeling any better?" Eiji asked as he slipped the coffee into Ash's hands.
He sipped the black liquid. "Much better," he breathed. "I don't know what came over me."
"Don't apologize," Eiji said preemptively, taking a sip of his own coffee.
Ash took another drink and was quiet for a moment. "Thank you...for not asking too many questions last night. My brain was offline."
Eiji nodded. He knew. "You could have woke me," he said after a pause.
"I didn't want to." He sipped his coffee and then regretted his words. "That sounded wrong...I...was just scared it wouldn't prove anything. You'd wake up for nothing. I called Max because he's in New York and that helped separate me from that place, solidify reality," he amended.
Eiji nodded, "I get it. Don't worry, I'm not offended."
"I was out of it, but you know I'd never hurt myself, right?" Ash forced himself to ask. "Cuz Max didn't seem so sure."
"I never thought about it until last night."
"Well?"
"I don't know," he thought about the arms Ash showed him some time ago, rubbed raw with guilt. He thought about Ash forcing himself to throw up the day they'd return from Tokyo. He thought about him sitting outside last night, soaking wet, shivering. "No, I'm not sure I knew that," he said finally.
"I wouldn't," he said seriously. "I promise, I'd never do that to you, Eiji."
Eiji nodded slowly. "But sometimes you hurt yourself without thinking...like your arms," he said cautiously.
"But I'd never do it on purpose," he clarified. He leaned forward and kissed Eiji's cheek softly. "I'd never do that to you," he whispered.
"No, Ash, never do that to you. You matter too."
Ash's eyes found the floor and smiled sadly. Eiji touched Ash's arm and rubbed it comfortingly. "Yeah?"
Ash nodded, "yeah."
They finished their coffee quietly. It was then Eiji realized his words to Max.
"It's getting late in New York, I told Max I'd call… so I'll call now." Eiji picked up his phone and then paused. "He was really worried about you, Ash."
"I know, tell him I'm sorry, will ya?"
"There's nothing to be sorry about. We're both glad you called him."
"I wouldn't have hurt myself, Eiji," he said more firmly.
"But you would have suffered alone… and neither of us want that. Not ever. I'd always prefer you to wake me than to know you suffered alone."
Ash nodded in vague understanding. He supposed he'd feel the same way if the roles were reversed.
Eiji dialed Max's number and started to place the house. Max answered instantly.
"Hey….. yeah, he's doing much better….. Mmhm…..yeah." Eiji continued to pace as he listened to what Max had to say. Then he walked to Ash and handed him the phone. "He wants to speak to you."
"Hi, Max," Ash said almost bashfully into the phone. "Look, I'm sor-"
"That's exactly why I asked to talk to you, to shut down any bullshit like that! You don't have to apologize, kid."
Ash tried to speak, but Max continued.
"Look, kid, you mean a lot to me. I'll always be happy to talk, no matter what," he said seriously. In a lighter tone, he added, "And don't you forget it!"
Ash smiled sadly, "Thanks, Pops."
"Max?"
"Yeah, Ash?"
"I'd never- I wouldn't- What I mean to say is, you don't have to worry about me trying to-"
"I know, Ash, you don't have to say it." Max stopped him, saving them both from the harshness of those words.
"Thanks," he muttered.
Ash may have been feeling better, but it was obvious he wasn't completely himself yet because when Max said he loved him and Ash didn't deflect or argue with the statement. He simply nodded and hummed in agreement. They said their goodbyes, and that was that.
Ash fell back into the couch cushions, stretching out across the entire length. He closed his eyes as if he could fall asleep right there.
Eiji walked to the back of the sofa and rested his hands upon it. He peered down at Ash and asked, [Okay?]
Ash smiled at the sudden Japanese. [Okay.] His eyes opened. "I'm exhausted."
"Just relax today. Dad's not flying in until tomorrow evening."
So that's what they did. Eiji cleaned and then spent the rest of the day with Ash on the couch watching TV and eating junk food.
Miyuki came over, unannounced, that evening. Ash heard Eiji trying to shoo her away as he answered the door, but Ash insisted she could stay, so long as she didn't mind his current depressed state. She didn't mind, 'everyone has those days,' she had said. She joined them in their marathon of Secrets of Shinjuku, highly surprised to learn they'd not only started the show from the beginning but had already burned through an entire season. At this rate, Ash would catch up to where she was in no time. Miyuki left around eleven, when she could hardly resist sleep any longer, and Ash fell asleep on the couch. Eiji couldn't bring himself to wake him, so he slept there with him, cramped but cozy, squished, but safe.
"I can cancel, really," Eiji insisted.
"No, Eiji. I'm fine, really."
"I just accepted the first time they suggested, I really didn't think about it-"
"It's fine," Ash emphasized. "Stop worrying about it, you have more important things to worry about."
"Do you want Miyuki to go with you?"
Ash shook his head, "No, it's alright." Ash smirked, "I've done far more dangerous things than picking up my boyfriend's dad at the airport."
"Fiancé!" Eiji corrected with a shout.
Ash smiled, "Fiancé," he agreed.
"Well," Eiji bent down to tie his dress shoes, "Maybe I'll be home in time to go with you."
"Do not rush your interview for me, Eiji. He's just your dad, not Dino Golzine."
Most people would have said, 'not the boogeyman,' or 'not a monster,' but to Ash, nothing was more horrifying than Dino Golzine.
Eiji's phone chimed. He checked it. "Ibe's outside," he said.
Ash straightened Eiji's already perfectly straight tie. "Good luck," he said sweetly. "You'll do great. How could you not?"
Eiji opened the door, "Good luck to you too," he said with a nervous smile, "Don't let Dad give you too hard a time."
"As if," Ash scoffed.
"Don't you give him a hard time either," he added with a laugh.
"No promises," he teased.
Ash stepped outside with Eiji and kissed his cheek in a swift goodbye. "Good luck," he said once more.
Eiji returned the gesture, "Bye, Ash."
From the street, Ibe smiled at the two of them. He hadn't actually seen Ash since he arrived in Japan. It was heartwarming to see him now, happy and calm, no gun in sight. Someone had cut his hair recently. It looked good, better than it did in New York. Ibe wondered if Eiji was the one who cut it. He was taller now, too, passing up Eiji by a good several inches. Overall, Ibe thought he looked healthier. Although still slim, he looked slightly more filled out now, like someone was feeding him well. Ibe imagined that someone was Aki.
Eiji reached Ibe's car and opened the passenger door, letting in a wave of humidity with him. Ash needed his car to pick up Okumura-san from the airport and, although it wasn't as nice as Ash's car, Eiji was just glad he didn't have to walk or take the train on this oppressively hot August day.
[Good luck!] Ash shouted as the car drove away.
[Just me, sorry,] Ash apologized as Okumura-san met him at the baggage claim. [Eiji has an interview and Miyuki is busy with…] he didn't actually know what she was up to, [whatever it is she does all day,] he said humorously, deciding not to lie to his soon-to-be father-in-law.
Okumura-san nodded.
[But you'll see them all tomorrow...I mean, you'll see Eiji tonight, of course, but-] His voice trailed off. Okumura-san was looking at him strangely with an expression Ash couldn't read. Suddenly he wished he had invited Miyuki along.
Okumura-san extended the handle of his suitcase and began to walk. Ash hurried after him. [Your Japanese has improved greatly,] he said as they made their way through the airport.
[Oh...oh, thank you,] he stammered. He hadn't expected a compliment to be the first thing the man said to him.
[I tried to learn a bit of English, just in case, but] he glanced over his shoulder at Ash, [I'm really no good at languages.]
Crazily, Ash blushed. Okumura-san, serious Okumura-san, tried to learn English for Ash.
The blush must have surprised Okumura-san just as much as it did Ash because he looked away quickly.
[I can say my name and ask the time and] "how are you," [But I didn't get much farther than that.]
[Before Miyuki started teaching me all I could say was 'sorry,' 'idiot,' and my own name,] he let out a small puff of air as he remembered how daunting the language seemed back then, [so I know how you feel.]
Okumura-san's head turned towards Ash, [Miyuki is teaching you?]
Ash nodded, [Eiji's far too impatient with those types of things,] he said with a smile.
[On Saturday mornings?] He asked.
[Y-Yeah, actually. How did you know?]
[She used to call me on Saturday mornings...until she started tutoring a friend.]
Ash's face dropped, [Fuck...shit, sorry.] His mouth straightened into an awkward line as he realized his bad language. [Sorry! I uh-] he blushed with embarrassment again, "shit," he cursed himself in English.
For the first time that day, Okumura-san smiled at Ash. [I might be a bit old-fashioned but I can handle a curse word or two,] he said humorously.
Ash relaxed. [Sorry,] he repeated, unsure if he was apologizing for stealing Miyuki away or his language...or both.
Okumura-san apparently took it as an apology for the prior, [You didn't know.]
They walked on in silence and Ash made a mental note to scold Miyuki later. The outside air hit them like a wall of humidity as they exited the cool airport.
[Did you call a cab?] Okumura-san asked Ash.
Ash shook his head. For a second he thought about teasing him, saying he thought it was a nice enough day to walk to the train, but he remembered Eiji's words and decided against it. [I have a car,] he said.
Okumura-san looked impressed, [Very good,] he commented approvingly.
When they reached Ash's car, Ash was suddenly self-conscious of just how nice his car was. Okumura-san actually laughed, it was the first time Ash had ever heard it, when Ash stopped in front of the expensive BMW. Although the roof was currently up, it was obvious the car was a convertible. Apparently, Okumura-san thought Ash was pulling his leg.
With a smirk, Ash pulled out the key fob and unlocked the car. The trunk popped open and so did Okumura-san's jaw. Ash took the suitcase from his shocked hands and loaded it into the trunk.
[You rented this,] he remarked, still doubting this boy owned such a luxurious car.
[It's mine,] Ash said simply as he opened the passenger door for Okumura-san. He closed the door politely as Okumura-san settled into the seat.
In the ten to fifteen seconds it took Ash to walk around to his own door, Okumura-san took in a few details. It certainly didn't smell like a rental. It no longer had that 'new car' scent. There were a few loose coins and a pen in one of the cup holders. He tried the glovebox. It contained the car manual and registration, as well as some napkins from a takeout place and some reusable shopping bags that were definitely Eiji's doing. It certainly looked like it belonged to him. Ash opened his door and sat.
"Such a snoop," Ash remarked.
Okumura-san didn't understand his words but he still frantically closed the glovebox and buckled his seatbelt.
[What was it you said you did for a living?] Okumura-san inquired.
Ash smirked. He started the car, blasting the AC. [I didn't say,] he said smartly.
[Oh.] Okumura-san said awkwardly. [Well, what is it you do?]
Ash began driving through the parking lot, making his way back to the highway. He didn't work at the moment. While his Japanese was improving, most jobs required foreign applicants to pass the JLPT N2 test, which Ash had not yet taken. Plus, he and Eiji had decided to take some much-deserved time off. But none of that would explain the car and he didn't feel like telling the real reason right now. So instead, he said, [I once played the stock market, back in America, and got really lucky. That is how I could afford this car.] It didn't really answer the question, but at least it wasn't a complete lie. It was thanks to his 'playing with stocks,' that he was able to rob Dino of all that money
Okumura-san nodded slowly. He looked further impressed. [So you're a day trader?]
Ash glanced at him. To lie or not to lie. [Not currently,] he said, deciding to go the route of honesty.
They drove silently for some time. Ash drove slow and careful, hoping to seem like a mature and collected adult.
[Okumura-san?] Ash asked, breaking the quiet.
[Yes?] He asked formally.
[What is it that made you say yes? To me...marrying your son?] Ash asked nervously. This question burned in his mind quite frequently.
He was quiet for a long moment and Ash regretted the question. Finally, he spoke, [Aki called me. Told me how good of a person she thinks you are. She told me you are good for Eiji. She begged me to give you my blessing. I made no promises to her that day on the phone,] he paused and picked up the pen in the cup holder. He clicked it nervously a few times before continuing. [But when you spoke to me at the wedding...you seemed...so nervous.] Ash cringed at the memory of his shaking voice as he uttered his rehearsed Japanese. [And sometimes, nervous is good, it means whatever is causing your nerves is really important.] He set the pen back down and glanced at Ash. [And I could tell you really loved him...and who am I to deny that?]
Because he had been denied that. His own mother made it clear she never truly approved of Aki.
Ash nodded. Even though he was the one who asked, he was unsure how to answer.
[And after your call inviting me here,] he began to add, [I realized I made the right choice.] He smiled again and so did Ash.
They drove the rest of the way in silence. When they pulled into the driveway, Ash watched Okumura-san's face carefully. He'd called him to warn him they had purchased the old Okumura residence, but he knew actually seeing it might be a bit of a shock. Okumura-san, however, seemed unfazed. Still, Ash studied his expression a moment longer before exiting the car. He was a hard one to read, even for Ash. He was obviously a business professional, so formal and serious most of the time. He hid his emotions well.
Ash retrieved the luggage from the trunk. Okumura-san did not argue with the gesture. [Thank you, Lynx-san,] he said appreciatively.
[No, no, call me Ash,] Ash insisted as he unlocked the front door.
Okumura-san nodded, [Shun,] he said with a slight bow, encouraging Ash to call him by his first name as well.
[Shun,] Ash said with a slight bow of his own.
"Eiji?" Ash called into the home. "You home yet?" He listened for a response, but nothing came. He turned to Shun, [I guess he's not back yet.]
They removed their shoes and Ash led him to the guest room on the first floor. Miyuki had helped decorate it. She had reasoned that she would probably stay over occasionally, so she ought to have a room. Ash had laughed and conceded to her wishes.
She had chosen to decorate the room in navy blue, white, and gold accents. It was really quite classy. Off-white walls lined the room. Dark navy curtains lined the windows. A white and navy comforter clothed the bed. A large dark wooden trunk sat at the foot of the bed, acting as a home for extra blankets, sheets, and pillows. A gold lamp with a white and navy shade that matched the bedspread sat upon a dark wood dresser with golden hardware. A solid navy chair and a gold floor lamp sat in the room's corner next to a dark wood desk. Near the door, there was a gold-framed floor-length mirror and a peacefully ticking clock. A white area rug with ornate blue and gold floral designs sat in the center of the room, giving it a more cozy feel.
Okumura-san took note of the nice furniture on the way to the guest room and now stared, a bit in awe, at this nicely furnished room. They had only moved in last week. He was surprised they were even completely unpacked, he certainly didn't expect everything to be this nice already. Usually, it took couples months, if not years, to get a house to look the way they envisioned it.
He looked at Ash, [When you said you got lucky with some stocks…]
Ash tsked at him with a waving finger, [Now, now, if there's only three things I've learned in life, it's this,] he held up a finger, [Don't ask a woman her age,] he raised a second finger, [Don't ask a woman if she's pregnant,] he raised a third, and final, finger, [And don't ask a man how much money he makes.]
Shun looked mortified, worried he'd offended Ash. Ash, however, simply laughed at his fearful expression. As he opened his mouth to apologize, Ash slapped a hand on his shoulder. [I'm not easily offended.] But that ought to shut him up.
Both their heads turned towards the bedroom door as they heard Eiji return home.
"Hey! I'm back! Ash? You down here?" Eiji called from the front room.
Ash began walking to the front room with Shun on his heels.
"Hey, Dad," Eiji smiled upon seeing his dad and gave him a tight hug.
Ash could see the surprise in Shun's typically stoic face as Eiji hugged him. It took a moment before he returned the hug. It must have been a long time since the last one. Ever since Aki explained everything about herself and their father to her children, Eiji saw his dad in a different light. That hug made it obvious. Shun, on the other hand, still wasn't aware of that conversation, hence the palpable surprise.
[What do you guys wanna do for dinner?] Ash asked as Eiji and Shun pulled apart. [We could do take-out, or go somewhere...or we could make something here?]
They decided on take-out. A little over an hour later, food was delivered to the house. They ate and made conversation about this and that. Eiji told them about his job interview, saying he thought it went well. They continued to talk around the table, even after all the food was eaten. After some time, Ash whispered something to Eiji and excused himself from the table.
Even though he was feeling much better, ever since the other night, he kept getting waves of dissociation from reality. None of these episodes had been as severe as the first, but it was still quite unpleasant, to say the least. He went upstairs and laid face-down on the bedroom floor like Eiji had shown him. It helped. Through the floor, he could hear the muffled sounds of Eiji and his dad's conversation. He hoped Eiji refrained from telling him the reason for Ash's sudden departure. He seemed to leave a good impression on Okumura-san today and he didn't want to sully that. He closed his eyes and unintentionally fell asleep on the bedroom floor. About an hour later, a gentle hand nudged him awake.
"Hey," Eiji said softly as he knelt beside him. "Are you alright?"
Ash pulled himself into a sitting position. His face was red where it had been laying on the floor. He stretched and let out a yawn. "Shit," he mumbled groggily. "Didn't mean ta-" he yawned again, "fall asleep."
Eiji smiled lovingly and tamed Ash's messy hair with gentle fingers.
"It's alright, I just told Dad you were giving us some time to talk alone. I think he really appreciated that."
Ash smiled sleepily, "Good," he said with another sleepy yawn. Ash leaned back to rest against the foot of the bed, but otherwise made no effort to remove himself from the floor. Eiji joined him.
"Feeling dreamy?" he asked.
Ash rolled his eyes at himself and nodded in frustration. "Yeah. I think your dad likes me." He shook his head, "I'm having a hard time believing that's real."
Eiji nodded silently, "I know. But he does like you and it is real." He stood and Ash watched him leave the room with curious eyes. "I have an idea,'' he called as he wandered down the hall.
He returned with a Sharpie and a bandaid. "Let me see your wrist," Eiji said.
Ash offered his wrist a bit hesitantly. "What's this?"
"Just an idea I had," he removed the Sharpie cap. "I'm going to write you a message," Ash tried to see what Eiji was writing, "Hey! No peeking!" Ash turned his head. "I'm going to cover it with a bandaid and In the morning, you can uncover it. If it's still there and if you can read it-I know I can never read in dreams- then you'll know you're awake."
Ash looked unconvinced by Eiji's methods. "Have you done this?" he asked skeptically.
Eiji placed the bandaid over his writing. "Mom used to do it for me…" he said shyly. "It worked for me so I thought we might as well try." He shrugged. "You don't usually fall asleep in a dream, so if you can remember this and you wake up and the writing is still there and you can read it, I don't know, I think it helps. And you don't get to know what it says because then your brain can't dream it."
"Unless my brain just makes up the message," Ash argued.
"It's a sentence, your brain can't dream up a logical sentence. If the sentence makes sense, you'll know you're awake."
There was a pause. "Okay. Okay, I'll try it." Ash said finally.
Eiji smiled, "Well, yeah, I already wrote it."
As they settled into bed, Ash remarked, "I hope I don't smudge it in my sleep."
Eiji smiled, "The bandaid helps with that."
In the morning, Ash woke earlier than normal, anxious to read what Eiji had written. He sat up, waking Eiji in the process. He picked at the bandaid on his wrist. He uncovered Eiji's goofy message. It read: [Roses are red, Violets are blue, Happy birthday, Ash! I love you!]
Eiji smiled as he watched Ash's eyes read the message. Ash smiled and looked at Eiji. His eyes were still heavy with sleep. His dark hair was fanned beautifully across his white pillowcase. He had an arm slung lazily over his forehead. He looked gorgeous, Ash thought.
"Help?" Eiji asked with a yawn
Ash nodded with a goofy grin. "Yeah, there's no way I could dream you'd say something that sappy and cliché,"
"And it's in Japanese," Eiji pointed out, "Your brain wouldn't conjure up a foreign language, not in writing anyway."
Ash grinned, that love-drunk grin Eiji treasured so much. He leaned down, placing his elbows on either side of Eiji's head. "You're perfect," he gushed.
Eiji smiled. "Kiss me?"
Ash did, soft and slow. When he pulled away, Eiji whispered, "Happy birthday, baby." Ash smiled and kissed him again.