Chapter Thirty-Five: Birthday Boy

"You seem stressed today. Is something new bothering you?" Iku-san asked Ash compassionately. She was supposed to be neutral, and normally she did a good job at doing so, but Ash had been doing so well lately, yet today he seemed troubled. She couldn't help but let her worry show through her words.

"There's a lot going on right now," he told her simply.

"Care to tell me about it?"

"Eiji and I are moving the day after tomorrow...which is good, but ya know...moving is always stressful."

"Sure, moving is stressful. That's a big step for you both." She jotted something onto her notepad. "But, correct me if I'm wrong, but I sense there is also something else."

Ash sighed, "There is." He picked at a small flap of skin on his nail cuticle. It peeled back and began to bleed slightly. "But it's not really my business to share."

"Oh?"

"Eiji's parents are divorced," he stated flatly.

"I remember," she replied neutrally.

"What's bothering me...it has to deal with something Eiji's family is going through." He pulled off the tab of loose skin by his nail. It bled more, causing him to curse under his breath. Wordlessly, Iku-san reached into her desk drawer and handed Ash a bandaid. He twirled the wrapped bandaid in his fingers but did not open it. "So it's not really my business to tell," he added.

Iku-san clicked her pen on her desk and sat it down upon her notepad with a small thud. She folded her hands on the desk and leaned in. "Ash, I know you do not know Eiji's father well, but his mother and sister have accepted you wholeheartedly into their lives."

"It has nothing to do with me," he said seriously. His finger was still bleeding, causing blood to pool around his nail bed. He ripped open the bandaid and applied it to his finger.

"Answer me this," she continued. "In a few months, after you and Eiji promise each other forever, who will you be?"

"Huh?" He responded with a furrowed brow.

"Who will you be?" She repeated. She knew he knew what she was asking. "Still Ash Lynx, orrr…?"

He shook his head and looked at his hands. He wished he still had that flap of skin to mess with. Now he had nothing to distract himself.

"Well?"

"...Okumura…" he mumbled. "I'll be Ash Okumura."

She smiled slightly. "Yes, you will." She clicked her pen again on the desk. "Now, I will not make you tell me, but if you wish to discuss it, I believe it is fully within your rights to do so. You are, after all, part of the family. Maybe not on paper, but really, what's the difference?"

He was silent for several long minutes. Iku-san did not speak. It was a tactic of hers that Ash hated when he first started seeing her. She'd ask a question and then stay silent long enough that Ash would say something just to break the awkward silence. He was used to it now and actually had come to appreciate it. The silence allowed him to process his thoughts and more clearly communicate what he was thinking.

"I- I don't know if he'd want me to say," he said finally, referring, of course, to Eiji.

"You could go ask him, he's in the waiting room, isn't he?" She'd never actually met Eiji, but she'd seen him in passing a few times. He always accompanied Ash to the office, but never joined the sessions.

Ash shook his head, "He didn't come today, he's finishing packing."

She nodded, "Well, I will not make you say anything, but I think it would be good to get it out of your system. From everything I've heard about Eiji, I can't imagine he'd mind." She scribbled on her notepad. "But it is ultimately your decision, and I will respect whatever you choose."

And then she was quiet, letting Ash think.

Ash stood and walked to the window. That was a tactic of his. And at first, it had made Iku-san nervous. The first time he did it, she was worried she'd offended him, worried he was going to walk out. But he liked to stand at the window when there was something he wanted to get out but didn't want to actually say. Some things were easier to say to the trees, rather than the investigative, physiologically trained eyes of Iku-san. He liked her and never felt judged by her, but he also knew she could see right through him. After all, it was her job to do so. She could read him just like she could all her clients.

She was used to it now, and he appreciated that she never once mentioned it. She never said it was strange or that she preferred he talk to her. And she never made a move to join him there at the window. She stayed seated, barely looking at him. He appreciated the space she was willing to allow him. And she was grateful for the emotional rawness he spilled like a fountain as he stared into the courtyard.

After another long moment of silence, he finally spoke. He told her about what had happened the previous night, about his conversation with Aki and what she had told him. He told her about Eiji's father and the real reason he'd left the family. And he told her about the impact learning the truth had on Eiji and Miyuki. And finally, he told her about Okumura-san coming to town to stay with Eiji and him.

"I just- feel like shit cuz I'm the one that brought it up to Aki and at the time, it felt like a good idea…but...what if I'm wrong? What if I just make things worse?"

Iku-san shook her head in disagreement. Ash saw it from the corner of his eye but still faced the window, never looking at her. "Sometimes things get harder before they get better. From what you've told me, this is one of those things. It will take some hard conversations, that's for sure, but it will be for the best."

He let out a loud sigh and returned to his chair with a loud thunk. He rested his head in his hands and groaned in frustration.

"But I do understand," she continued, "You feel responsible for any strong emotions that result in the meantime."

He stood again and returned to the window. "I'm trying," he began, "to comfort them...cheer them up, but Eiji's better at that than I am."

"I'm sure you're doing a fine job."

He ran frustrated fingers through his hair, "God, I hope so." He turned and glanced at the clock above the door. "Shit, we went over our time," he said guiltily. Her desk faced the door, he knew she must have noticed the time. "You should have said something, I've just been rambling."

"It's alright, Ash, my next client canceled. You can stay a bit longer."

"Thank you," he breathed.

In the beginning, it was often a chore to get him to speak. The hour seemed to drag out forever. It was agonizing to bring a stranger up to speed on your entire life, especially when your life was as traumatic as his. Now, there were times when an hour didn't seem long enough.

"Do you feel like you're acting? When you try to cheer them up?" She asked, continuing their conversation. He was grateful for that. If she hadn't said anything, he would have likely wrapped things up, afraid of being a burden by going past his allotted time.

Ash sighed. "A little. I'm trying to be happy for them, it doesn't do them any good for me to be upset by a situation that's hardly mine."

"That will weigh on you," she decided. "It is better to be honest, you're allowed to be affected by this too. It is okay for you to be sad with them."

He sighed again, "I know...but...I'll be alright. It's acting, but not really. I want to help them feel better and me being sad doesn't help." He took a few steps away from the window and found himself in front of one of the bookshelves that lined the room. They were filled with books on psychology. Judging by their titles, many were centered around trauma. He ran an absentminded finger across their spines, feeling the various degrees of glossy and matte book covers. "Besides," he spoke again, "Eiji's acting too." He picked a book at random, slid it off the shelf, and ran his thumb across the pages, flipping them like a deck of cards. He set it back. "Last night he was so upset and today he's acting normal, happy even."

"You're both acting for Miyuki's sake," she reflected. "But there may be some truth to Eiji's actions. Everyone processes things differently. And things come and go in waves, you know that probably better than I do. He just needs time, as does Miyuki. Do you think that's a fair assessment?"

"Yeah...yeah, that's fair." He pulled his eyes from the bookshelf and glanced again at the clock. "I'm sorry...I should get going, you probably have charting or something to do with this time."

She shook her head, "I really don't mind. I'd hate for you to leave feeling worse than when you came in."

His eyes returned to the books. "I'm scared if this all backfires Eiji's dad will end up hating me...fuck, maybe they all will," he said vulnerably, deciding to be completely honest. "And maybe they should."

She couldn't see his face, but she could hear in his voice that he was holding back tears. She clicked her pen against her notepad. "Ash Lynx," she began authoritatively, "anyone who hates you is out of their damn mind." He huffed a sarcastic laugh. "...that, or they don't know the real you," she decided to add after that laugh.

"Our session is technically over, so forgive me, for speaking candidly." She stood and joined him at the bookshelf. "Everything you've told me, after all these months, it's a miracle you're the man you are today. I know you like to think of yourself as some lowlife scum who isn't deserving of love, but I'm here to tell you that's ridiculous. You could have ended up like the Chinese man you know...Yut-Lung, was it? Or Dino. You said he was abused by his family as a boy, and yet he grew up and did the same thing to countless others. You could have followed down that same path, but you didn't because you are strong. And you are a good person. You do what's right and nothing can stop you. You succeed at everything you put your mind to, and you will succeed at this too. I know it."

Ash retreated to the window as a few tears fell. Iku-san returned to her desk and sat.

"What has begun has begun. When Okumura-san comes to town, the best thing you can do is be there for the rest of the family, whatever that means to them. Now, I want you to leave here today and do something for yourself."

He wiped at his eyes and faced her once more.

"Because you can't take care of others if you don't first take care of yourself." She smiled. "Go buy yourself a book, take a walk, drive aimlessly to your favorite music, cry on Eiji's shoulder, whatever it is that will help you most, do that. You are a good person Ash, and you deserve to be happy too."

Ash left Iku-san's office shortly after that. On his way to the car he thought about what she said. He contemplated what it was that would make him happiest. Ironically, the only thing he could come up with was taking care of Eiji and Miyuki. He may have been missing Iku-san's point, but that's what he did. He bought wine and treats on his way home and decided today he would be whoever they needed him to be.

Ash dwelled on this visit with Iku-san as he showered. Yesterday had gone well, in fact, better than he'd expected. However, today was likely going to be harder. Today, after their small celebration, Aki was going to speak with Okumura-san. He couldn't control the outcome, he tried reminding himself over and over. There was no point in worrying over it, whatever was meant to happen would happen. He still worried. He shut the water off as it began to turn cold.

He looked at the now-smeared writing on his wrist. It was still legible and he thought about scrubbing it off to avoid questioning eyes and Miyuki's inevitable squeals as she read it. In the end, he decided not to. "Do whatever makes you happy," Iku-san had said. The words made him happy, so they stayed.

He dressed and joined Eiji and Shun downstairs. He could hear them speaking as he made his way down the stairs.

[Well, yeah it's a party, but not a party party,] Eiji was saying.

Ash rounded the corner and made his way to the coffee pot.

[It's just going to be our family and Obachan and Ojichan,] Eiji explained.

[I said party on the phone because I didn't know a better translation,] Ash chimed in, realizing his language had led Shun to believe this was going to be a bigger deal than it actually was. Really, it was more of a get-together so that the family could see the new house and celebrate Ash's birthday. Doing it on Ash's birthday had been Eiji's idea, and Ash indulged his wishes to, in Eiji's words, 'celebrate Ash.'

Shun nodded in understanding. He sat at the kitchen table, drinking green tea, already dressed for the day in what Ash would consider 'business clothes;' slacks and a button-down.

"Dad is an introvert through and through," Eiji explained to Ash. "Parties are not his thing, so he's probably relieved."

"And yet he came," Ash said, a bit bewildered.

Eiji smiled, "Yes, he did."

[What are you saying about me, Ei-chan?] Shun asked suspiciously as Ash joined him and Eiji at the table.

"Not everything's about you, old man," Ash teased.

Eiji laughed out of shock and then remembered his dad couldn't understand Ash. He gave Ash a playful shove, "You're such an ass!" Ash laughed along with him.

Shun narrowed his eyes, but there was a hint of humor in the way he held his mouth. [What?]

Eiji shook his head, [Nothing, he's just being stupid,] Eiji said on the tail end of the laugh.

Ash raised his coffee cup to his lips and saw Shun trying to read the smudged, upside-down Japanese message Eiji had written on his wrist the previous night.

"You didn't tell me how nosey he was," Ash said humorously to Eiji.

[DAD,] Eiji snapped.

Shun's eyes sank to the table in embarrassment, [Sorry!]

Ash smiled and held out his wrist, [It's fine. Just a goofy message Eiji left for me,] he explained as Shun read the writing.

Eiji blushed as his dad read the note. Shun's face softened and a tiny smile spread across his lips. [Today's the actual day?]

Ash nodded, [Mmm.]

[Happy birthday,] Shun said shyly.

Ash retracted his wrist. [Thanks.]

Still bright red, Eiji muttered to Ash, "You better wipe that off before Miyuki gets here."

"Not a chance," Ash smirked devilishly. "It's my birthday and I've never really celebrated it before...so I will be doing as I please." He gulped down the rest of his coffee and rose from the table. As he pushed his chair in he kissed the top of Eiji's head and laughed to himself as he walked away. He didn't need to turn around to know Eiji was blushing bright red and Shun was probably a bit scandalized. He was pushing his luck, he knew, but the words of Iku-san still rang in his head. It was his birthday after all. He should do something that makes him happy, and damn it, kissing Eiji, embarrassing Eiji, that made him happy. He smiled to himself as he rinsed out his mug and stuck it in the dishwasher.

"What's that say, Ash? What's that say?" Miyuki asked excitedly the second she saw Ash. He didn't even know how she saw the writing on his wrist that fast. But he was preoccupied with the sight of Aki walking up the driveway with...presents.

"Hold on," he said, brushing Miyuki off him. He held the screen door for Aki as she entered the house. "I don't need presents," he said guiltily.

Aki ignored him. She set the presents down on the floor and gave him a big hug. "Happy birthday, Ashu!" She pulled him down to her level by his shirt collar and kissed him on the cheek.

Just as planned, Ash blushed and laughed awkwardly. "Wha-?" Aki released him and smiled at him like she was his own mother.

"I-" 'don't need any gifts,' he almost repeated. Instead, he said, "Thanks, Mom."

She lovingly whacked a hand against his lower back, "That's more like it, Ashu!"

"Gah! What the hell?" Despite his words, he was laughing.

Shun watched from a distance, wearing that face Ash couldn't quite read, but was beginning to suspect it indicated he wasn't sure what to say, so he slipped on his professional mask to hide his true feelings.

Ash picked up the pile of presents Aki had brought and began to carry them to the living room.

"Hey!" Miyuki shouted at him as he walked towards the living room. He turned his head to glance at her over his shoulder. "I want a hug too!" She whined.

"You just saw him like...two days ago," Eiji laughed.

"So?!" She protested, hands flying to her hips in flamboyant anger.

Ash sat the presents down in a pile under the TV that hung upon the living room wall.

Miyuki softened, "Can I, Ash?"

"Ha, yes, you can have a hug," he smiled.

She hugged him tightly. Ash could tell she was trying to crush him like he sometimes did to her, but her petite, 5'4," 110-pound self, couldn't have crushed him no matter how hard she squeezed. Once her grip loosened slightly, he squeezed her, causing her to squeal and laugh.

"No fair!" She squealed.

Ash laughed and released her. She stepped away with a hand on her ribs, still laughing.

Just then there was a knock on the door. Eiji went to open it. Ash began to follow, but Miyuki caught his wrist.

"Wait," she said, "I want to read what that says."

Ash rolled his eyes and let her read the writing.

Miyuki practically swooned as she read it. "Awwww!" she squealed, "Did Eiji write this?"

At the sound of his name, Eiji's head turned. He blushed as he realized why Miyuki was fawning over Ash. He then returned his attention to Obachan and Ojichan who had just entered the home.

"Well I sure as hell didn't write it on myself," Ash responded humorously to Miyuki.

"That's so freaking cute!" Miyuki giggled, her small fingers still encircling Ash's wrist.

"Caaaaaaaaaan...I have my arm back?" Ash teased.

She nodded with a blush and relinquished her grip.

Just then, Obachan made her way to Ash and Miyuki. [Asssshhhh,] she drawled. She drew him into a hug. [Happy birthday.] She pulled away and turned towards Miyuki. [Mi-chan,] she hugged her, [good to see you, darling.]

Ojichan entered the room and set a present down next to the ones Aki had brought. He offered a quiet, [Happy birthday,] to Ash, but did not hug him. He was much more reserved than his wife.

[You didn't have to buy me anything,] Ash insisted to them both.

Obachan smacked his arm with the back of her hand. [But that's what Americans do, no? We want you feeling at home on your birthday!]

He didn't tell her that the last birthday he celebrated with family was as a child, no more than six or seven. Sure, Dino had insisted on 'celebrating' with him, but it usually entailed elaborate dinners at fancy restaurants that Ash despised. Then he'd buy him presents that were far too expensive, as if he could buy Ash's love.

He looked shocked. "Tha-Thank you."

She cupped a hand mockingly to her ear, [I don't speak English, boy,] she teased.

He blushed, [Sorry. Thank you. That's all I said.]

[I know, I know,] she smiled, [Even I can understand that much.] She smacked his shoulder again for good measure. Ash smiled. The women in this family all showed love so aggressively. [Now,] she turned her head to see Eiji who was now talking to his mom and dad on the other side of the room. [Eiji!] She said loudly. [I want a proper tour! I want to see everything!]

She'd obviously seen the home before, back when it was still the Okumura family home, but she wanted to see Eiji and Ash chose to decorate. Eiji began the tour. Obachan made nearly a thousand comments. She complimented nearly every piece of furniture, asking where they bought certain items. She smelled candles, felt curtains and bedspreads, sat on chairs, and peeked into closets. Ash couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm.

When Eiji led everyone into their bedroom, Ash hung outside in the hall. Aki noticed and stepped out to join him. "Okay, Ashu?"

He nodded, "I'm just overwhelmed- in a good way -You all are too good."

She patted his arm and smiled. "Come on," she laced her fingers through his, "I want to see your room all"... [decorated.]

"Okay," he said softly.

The arrival of lunch cut their tour short, although it was practically over anyway. The only room left unseen was the office upstairs that was not yet fully furnished.

Lunch was an exciting event, with several different conversations circulating at once. Ash was speaking with Shun when Obachan interrupted, having a story of her own to tell Ash. He wasn't sure who to listen to. A few moments later, he excused himself.

He listened to the noise fade into the background as he entered the downstairs bathroom. It was as he told Aki, he was overwhelmed with goodness. He leaned on the sink, staring himself down in the mirror. He glanced at the smeared words on his wrist.

Chime!

He checked his phone. It was Eiji. "Okay?" the text read.

He rapidly typed a response. "Can't a man take a piss in peace?"

"Ash," Eiji responded, not falling for his bullshit.

Ash frowned. "Yes, I'm fine. It's all just...a bit much, ya know? Be out in a sec."

Ash pocketed his phone and ran cold water on his hands, making sure to avoid smearing Eiji's writing any more than it already was. He returned to his seat and grabbed Eiji's hand under the table as he sat.

After lunch, Aki announced that it was present time. Ash hated it, but he was anxious. Anxious from all these eyes on him. 'Celebrating him' as if he deserved it. Ash breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. Aki pulled a kitchen chair into the living room. She insisted Ash sit by the stack of presents, everyone else watched him from the sofa. Miyuki grabbed a present from the stack and handed it to Ash.

[This one's from Obachan and Obijcan,] she told him as she placed a gift bag into his hands.

[Thanks,] he said softly. He pulled out the tissue paper and reached inside the bag. The first item inside was a large green tea-scented candle. Ash removed the lid and smelled it. [Oh, wow that's so good,] he remarked. [Thank you.]

[There's more, there's more,] she told him.

He reached in again and removed a box of fancy chocolates, as well as a tin of expensive looking tea. Lastly, there was a gift card to a bookstore Ash once mentioned to her in passing. The fact that she remembered hit him hard, he felt tears threaten his eyes. He studied the card to avoid anyone seeing his eyes.

[I wasn't sure which books you have and haven't read, but I thought, who doesn't like a gift card?]

[Thank you...I love this place...it...means a lot that you remembered.] He looked up at her and smiled, his eyes showed no trace of the heavy emotion he was feeling.

Miyuki gave him another gift from their grandparents. It was a set of nice dishes. [I figured you could use dishes since you've just moved.]

[Thank you, these are really nice.]

Miyuki tried to hand him another gift but he held out a hand. "Wait." He stood and walked to the sofa. [Can I hug you?] he asked Obachan. She smiled and stood to hug Ash. To his surprise, Ojichan stood as well and hugged him briefly. [Thanks, guys.]

He sat again and let Miyuki hand him another gift. [This one's from Mom.]

Ash glanced across the room. Okumura-san looked surprised at Miyuki's words, obviously, he hadn't realized she allowed Ash to call her mom.

Ash opened the box. Inside was a shirt that featured the same goofy bird, Nori Nori, that Eiji liked. Ash laughed, [Oh my gosh, not this damn bird!]

Aki laughed, [That one is just a joke!]

[I love it,] he grinned, [But I think it will be reserved for sleeping,] he teased.

"Wooooooooow," Eiji teased from the sofa, pretending to be offended.

Miyuki handed Ash another box. [Okay, this one's from Mom too.]

Inside the box was a white blanket knit with giant Merino Wool stitches. [Oh, wow, that's so soft,] he remarked, stroking the blanket.

[Every house needs plenty of blankets,] Aki reasoned.

[Mmm, thank you, I love it.]

[Last one from Mom,] Miyuki said, passing him another box. This one had some weight to it.

Ash gave it a playful shake like an eager child. He took a deep breath and tore it open. It was a set of books with gorgeous covers and bindings. The box set read: The Complete Works of Ernest Hemingway.

Most people would be outwardly excited, go overboard thanking the gift giver, maybe say how much they loved the gift. That's what he wanted to do, but he couldn't find the words. Instead, he just stared at the beautiful books, legitimately speechless. He could feel tears brewing inside him, begging to be let out. It took a moment, but he pushed them away.

[That is the author you like, right? Hemingway?] Aki asked. His silence made her worry she'd bought the wrong thing. Of course, Ash didn't actually ask for anything. She could have bought him just about anything and he'd be grateful.

[Yes,] he said quietly. [Yes, he's my favorite.] He extracted one of the books from the set; The Island in the Stream. He turned it over a few times in his hands. [This one's my favorite,] he said softly. He finally looked up and met her eyes. [Thank you...I- I love it.] He set the books down with the other opened gifts and walked to Aki. He bent down to hug her as she sat on the sofa. [Thank you,] he repeated.

[Of course, Ashu, of course,] she said lovingly.

[This one's from me,] Miyuki said as Ash returned to his seat.

He opened it to find a nice wool-lined, acid-washed, jean jacket, as well as a few new t-shirts of various colors.

[The jacket's the main event,] Miyuki said excitedly. [I saw it when I was out shopping with a friend and I thought of you. Isn't it so cool?]

[Very cool,] he smiled. [I used to have one like this back in New York but it was-] he trailed off. He couldn't exactly say 'it was splattered with the blood of some sick fuck' at a family party. [I outgrew it,] he said instead. He set it with the other gifts. [Thank you, Mi-chan.]

[Last one,] she said, handing it to him. [It's from Eiji.]

Just then Shun shifted uncomfortably on his cushion of the sofa sectional. [Sorry I didn't bring a gift,] he said awkwardly. [I didn't realize today was your actual birthday...I didn't know we were doing gifts.]

Ash shook his head. [I didn't expect any. Don't worry about it. You being here is your gift to us all.] He returned his attention to Eiji's gift.

[Wait, Ash!] Eiji interjected. [This one… you can open it later if you want, it might… it might make you cry,] he warned.

It had taken a long time to decide on a good gift for Ash. He had all the money to buy whatever he could possibly want, so Eiji wanted to make the gift really mean something. Whatever he decided on, he wanted it to be sentimental. The night he received feedback from Ibe on his portfolio was when the perfect gift idea came to him.

Ash's stomach twisted slightly, but he decided to open it in front of everyone. If he cried, so what, he cried. Inside, he found a large rectangular, framed photograph, one Eiji had taken during their road trip from Cape Cod to LA.

It was taken during sunset, somewhere in a cornfield in Middle America. They had obviously taken a pit stop for them all to stretch their legs and take a leak. Max could be seen in the distance taking a phone call, or rather trying to, Ash remembered the cell service being practically nonexistent in the middle of the country. Further off, just the top of the back of Ibe's head could be seen deep within the cornfield. He was, without a doubt, taking a leak. In the foreground stood Shorter with an arm slung around Ash's neck. It must have been a rough action because Ash was falling forward into Shorter's side. They were both laughing like normal teens. The sun was shining on them, causing Ash to squint in the sun and his hair to glow angelically. The sun shone through Shorter's dark glasses, making his eyes, closed in laughter, visible despite his shades. In the far left corner, just the top of Eiji's shadow, holding the camera, could be seen. Some may have said Eiji's shadow ruined the picture, but he purposefully chose this picture because of his shadow. The photo beautifully captured them all at once.

Ash stared at the photo for several long moments. When he finally looked up to meet Eiji's gaze, his eyes were glassy with tears. "Eiji…" Ash whispered, almost to himself. "Eiji, it's perfect." A tear, which he quickly wiped away, finally rolled down his cheek. "I don't have any pictures of…" his voice cracked and more tears fell, "Shorter."

Eiji nodded, "I know."

The rest of the room looked a bit lost. Except Miyuki. Despite her typically vivacious, and sometimes even frivolous, facade, inside she was really quite intuitive. She didn't know the man in the photograph, but she could tell that Ash's tears were for someone who had passed on from this life.

[Can we see, Ashu?] Aki asked after a moment more.

He nodded and held the photo out so everyone could see it upright. [It's- ] Ash cleared his throat in an attempt to compose himself. He met Aki's eyes and all the previous emotion was gone from his face. [Eiji took this while we were in America, driving across the country. It was the longest damn roadtrip of my life,] he began to explain. [I swear, I thought we'd never make it to LA,] he huffed with a small laugh. [That's my friend, Max,] he said pointing to him, [And there's Ibe, likely taking a leak in the middle of a cornfield,] he said humorously. [And Eiji's shadow, of course.] The others chuckled. [And…] his voice sobered, [That's Shorter...he was my closest friend...back in New York.] More tears swelled in his green eyes.

[Will we get to meet him at the wedding?] Obachan asked excitedly. [He'll be your best man, I assume.]

Miyuki cleared her throat, wishing her grandma would stop talking.

Ash shook his head, [No…] he said softly. [Should have been...but no. No, Shorter...uh...he...I…] 'I killed him' were the words that echoed in his brain, but all he said was, [he passed away.] He wiped away more tears as the room fell flat. [I'm- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry,] Ash apologized, clearly embarrassed by his sudden emotion.

[Do not apologize, Ashu,] Aki mused sympathetically from the sofa.

[I'm so sorry, Ash,] Obachan began, [how did he-]

[No.] Eiji said firmly, interrupting his grandma's question. [We're not going to talk about that,] he said authoritatively, almost scolding.

[Eiji!] his dad exclaimed, unable to believe Eiji would talk to his grandma in such a scolding manner.

[We're not talking about that,] he repeated sternly.

Ash sat the photo next to the other gifts. "Sorry, I just- I need a moment," he said as he stood and left the room. He disappeared to the bathroom, and when he returned a few minutes later, he was back to his normal self, as if nothing had happened. He walked to Eiji and hugged him. [Thank you, that's the perfect gift.]

After a few minutes of idle conversation, they all returned to the table. Eiji removed a beautiful strawberry shortcake, that he'd purchased from a local bakery, from the fridge. He lit the candles and whispered a question to Ash. "Can I take pictures?" Ash nodded in agreement. Eiji turned off the lights and they all sang to him. Eiji snapped several pictures. And when it came time to blow out the candles, Ash did something he hadn't done since he was a small child; he made a wish. He wished that nothing bad would ever come to a single soul in this room. He wished he could love and care for them forever. He wished they'd always be happy. He wished Aki and Shun would find love once again. And he wished that, wherever Shorter was now, he could see this moment, see that Ash had made it out, see that he'd found love in more ways than he ever expected. He knew you were only supposed to make a single wish, but hey, he was making up for lost time.

Smoke rose from the candles and Ojiichan turned the lights back on. Aki began cutting the cake as Eiji asked sweetly, [What'd ya wish for?]

[No, Ash!] Miyuki practically screamed, [Don't tell him, it won't come true!]

Everyone laughed and Miyuki turned bright red with a mix of anger and embarrassment. [Well it won't!]

[She's right, Ei-chan, I can't say,] Ash said with a wink.

[Oh alright,] Eiji responded with an eye-roll.

"I think you guys should put in a pool," Miyuki mused whimsically.

Their grandparents had long since left, and now Eiji, Miyuki, and Ash lounged lazily on the L-shaped sectional in the living room. Eiji laid with his back leaning against the corner cushion, with his feet outstretched before him into the longest part of the couch. A throw pillow was in his lap, and on that pillow was Ash's head, his body nestled sleepily between Eiji's legs. Miyuki sat at the other end, head propped up by another decorative pillow. The TV was on for background noise, but no one was really watching it. Aki and Shun had left hours ago, but no one was exactly sure where they'd gone to. They only knew that Aki was finally talking things over with Shun.

"Oh you do, do ya'?" Ash asked humorously.

Miyuki shrugged, "It's not like you can't afford it. And the yard is certainly big enough."

"Pool's are a lot of work, Mi."

She shrugged, "Yeah, I guess."

"It's almost eleven," Eiji worried aloud, clearly ignoring everything Miyuki just said. "How are they still not back?"

"I actually think that's a good sign," Ash said. Ash yawned, clearly battling his urge to fall asleep in Eiji's lap. Eiji made a worried sound but said nothing further.

"Hey," Miyuki tapped his foot with her own. "I never got a chance to ask...what's with the writing?"

Ash lifted his wrist. The writing was almost completely gone now. He licked his thumb and erased the last of it.

Before Ash could answer, Eiji responded for him, "Same thing Mom used to do for me. Same reason too."

"Mmmm, kinda thought so," Miyuki replied. "Can I write you one?"

"Sure. The Sharpie's upstairs in our room. On the nightstand, I think," Ash replied sleepily.

Ash didn't actually feel like he was in a dream currently, so he didn't really need her to write anything, but he decided to let her anyway. She seemed excited to do so.

Miyuki made her way upstairs to fetch the marker, as well as a bandaid. The marker was on top of the nightstand beside their bed. She grabbed it and then scanned the room for a box of bandaids. She knew they must be nearby. She opened the drawer of the nightstand. Her face turned bright red and she slammed the drawer shut as soon as her eyes spotted a bottle of half-used lube and wipes. She closed her eyes and shook her head to try to rid her brain of that mental image. She went into the bathroom instead and cautiously opened the medicine cabinet. It held nothing except a tube of toothpaste, two razors, and nail clippers.

She walked to the foot of the steps. She shouted downstairs, "HEY! Where do you keep the bandaids?!"

"They're under the sink!" Ash called up to her.

She returned a few moments later to the living room with a Sharpie and bandaid in tow, as well as an odd expression on her face. In the short amount of time she was away, Eiji began to nod off.

"What?" Ash whispered.

"What?" She whispered back, playing dumb.

"What's with your face?" He clarified in a whisper.

She blushed, "Nothing. Just happy for you."

Her words instantly brought back memories of Tokyo. Of Miyuki shouting into Eiji and his hotel room that she was 'happy for them.' Ash smirked. "So you opened the drawer?"

Miyuki turned even redder but didn't answer him. "Give me your wrist," she commanded instead.

Ash laughed to himself and held out his arm.

"No peeking," she said firmly.

Miyuki wrote him a message and covered it from view with a bandaid. The clock struck eleven and Aki and Shun still weren't back. By now, Eiji was fast asleep.

"You can drive home, if you'd like," Ash whispered to Miyuki. "I can drive Mom home when she gets back," he offered.

Miyuki shook her head, "I'll just fall asleep here until they get back." She yawned. "Oh, I guess you want to go to bed," she realized the only reason he and Eiji were still here was because she was.

"Nah, I was just tryna," he yawned, "be nice."

And deep down he was scared there would be tension when Aki and Shun finally returned, and he hated to think of Miyuki having to witness that.

A half-hour later, Ash was the only one still up, although just barely, when the pair returned home.

They entered the house as silently as they could, both bearing reddened eyes. Shun retreated to the guest room immediately, likely a bit self-conscious, or maybe he didn't expect anyone to still be up. Aki spotted her children sleeping on the sofa. She walked to them and noticed Ash's eyes on her.

She bent over the back and whispered, "Let Miyuki stay. Let them both sleep here."

Ash nodded, then asked, "How'd it go?"

She didn't speak, just smiled slightly, and leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on his hairline. She dropped a loving hand to his shoulder and gave him a quick squeeze, and then she turned and left.

Ash maneuvered his way off the sofa and followed her outside. "Wait!" He hissed, causing her to turn around.

"You don't have to tell me yet, but let me drive you. You can't walk home at midnight," he reasoned. Then he spotted the keys in her hand. "And you haven't yet taken your test yet!"

She smirked slyly, [Really, Ashu, you're lecturing me on rules. I hardly live ten minutes away. I think I can manage.]

He fished his own keys from his pocket, "Like hell. I'm driving. Give me those." He snatched the keys from her hands. "Miyuki needs a way to get home tomorrow."

She glared at him with the same eyes Eiji had flashed him many times before. "Fine."

They drove in silence. He considered asking if she was okay but decided against it. If she wasn't, what would he do? He couldn't comfort her as he did Eiji, or even Miyuki. What would he do? Stay up and watch movies? He didn't ask.

"How'd you hurt yourself?" Aki asked suddenly as they were almost to her house.

Ash huffed a laugh, everyone in this family was so observant.

"I didn't. I've been feeling…" he flicked on his blinker to turn onto her street.

"Kinda like I'm in a dream lately. Not always though. It comes and goes.

He turned.

"Oh. Eiji used to feel that way."

"I know," he waved his wrist at her, "that's why I've got this."

"Oh!" She remembered doing the same for Eiji. [That's right. That seems like forever ago.]

Ash pulled into the driveway and shifted into park. Aki grabbed the door handle but didn't yet get out of the car. "Thank you, Ashu."

Ash dismissed her with a wave of his hand. "I wasn't about to let you walk."

"No. Not for driving. Just- just thank you...for being you."

For a second she saw his face soften, but it was quickly replaced with teasing. "Yeah, yeah, out of my car. Eiji's the only one who can get away with such sappiness."

Aki smiled. "Whatever, Ashu. I can see through that mask of yours."

He sat speechless. People didn't typically call him out like that.

She unbuckled and opened her door. "I'll be over tomorrow for breakfast, okay? We'll all talk about everything then. Set alarm."

"Breakfast? Can't we do lunch instead?" He whined. It was already almost midnight, he needed more sleep than that.

"Brunch," she compromised. "10 AM."

"11?"

Aki smiled, "10:30."

"Deal," he smiled back.

[Goodnight, Ashu, drive safe.]

[Goodnight.]

He returned home to find Eiji had shifted in his sleep and was now taking up more than his fair share of the sofa. Ash pulled out his new blanket from Aki and shimmied onto the sofa, giving Eiji a slight shove so that they'd all fit. He could have retreated to his own room. Hell, they all could have. After all, Miyuki could have occupied the second guest room for the night. And yet they didn't. Because there was something special about this right here, this bond they had formed. A year ago today, Ash was still in New York. At that time, he felt lucky enough to have whatever it was he had with Eiji. They loved each other and that was honestly not something he thought he'd ever have. And now, he was loved by the entire Okumura family, and he loved them back. He would never have dared to dream for that. Some things just seemed too big to wish for, and yet here he was, living a dream.

Living a dream. His fingers fiddled with the edges of the bandaid on his wrist, but there was no anxiety in the action. In fact, there was humor. Irony. He was truly living his dream life, no wonder it didn't seem real at times. But right now that fear did not consume him. Right now he was serene. He moved closer to Eiji, wrapped in the deluxe blanket from Aki, with Miyuki at the other end of the sofa, feet almost touching in the cramped space. He wondered what Shun would think if he woke first. Ash imagined he'd smile. Because, how could he not? Love takes many forms, and this was blatantly one of them. And Ash felt so lucky to know love in this way. His eyes caught the picture of Shorter from across the room. Ash hoped he could see him now.