Chapter Thirty-Eight: Guardian Angel

"What are you doing here?" Ash asked venomously through gritted teeth.

Behind him, he could practically feel the fear radiating off the family. Except Eiji. He stood firm by Ash's side.

Ash's hand went instinctively to the back of his waistband. There was no gun there, but Blanca didn't need to know that.

"Please, Ash, I know you're not packing heat in Japan," Blanca tsked.

Ash's hand returned to his side. "Lay one finger on any of them and I'll rip your jugular out with my fucking teeth," Ash spat.

Blanca caught the blush that unintentionally colored Eiji's cheeks. He almost smiled. Almost. "Cool it, Ash. Believe it or not, I'm unarmed. I came to talk."

"Came to talk," Ash spat sarcastically. "Well then let's fucking talk, but leave them be." Without his eyes ever leaving Blanca, Ash tossed his keys to Eiji. "Eiji. Drive them home."

"Absolutely not, Ash! I'm not leaving you-"

"Do it, Eiji!" Ash shouted, silencing him.

"Where's your car, asshole?" Ash asked Blanca.

Blanca snapped his book shut and gestured to where his car was parked. "Shall we?"

Ash stepped forward and grabbed him roughly by his shirt collar. "If you value your life, no harm will come to any of them, GOT IT!?"

Blanca, showing no fear, only responded with "And your life?"

"I don't give a shit about me," he whispered venomously. Then he gave Blanca a hard shove, sending him into the car door. With his arm against his throat, he held him there.

Behind him he heard a commotion. Miyuki gasped. Shun and Eiji were both telling someone to stop. Ash glanced over his shoulder only to find Aki making her way to him despite her family's protests. She approached with all the might and fearlessness her 5'2" frame could summon. She looked into Blanca's eyes as Ash pinned him against the car.

"This is one of the men who hurt you, Ashu?" She asked Ash, despite her eyes boring into Blanca's soul.

For a moment, Ash was too shocked to respond.

"Ashu?" She repeated, shooting him a look.

"Not like that," Ash said through gritted teeth. He pressed Blanca further into the car, arm tightening at his throat. "He just looked the other way while others did," he spat.

For a brief moment, Blanca's neutral expression faltered. His eyes shifted down to see Aki staring up at him with furious tears in her eyes. Remorse. For a brief moment that's what Ash saw in his eyes. With all her strength, Aki hurled a punch into Blanca's side. He barely flinched. Ash's eyes widened in awe.

"You make me sick," she spat. "Get off our car, we are leaving," she demanded.

But Ash made no move to release him.

"Ash!" She raised her voice and dropped the 'u,' she was serious. "Let's go."

"I came to talk, Ash," Blanca insisted. "I will not harm them."

Aki punched him again. This time he flinched a little more. "You will not hurt Ash either," she said fiercely.

"If I wanted him dead, he'd be dead," Blanca said coolly, annoyance palpable in his voice.

The statement earned him a third punch from Aki.

"Didn't anyone ever teach you not to piss off momma bear?" Ash sneered. Finally, Ash removed his arm from Blanca's throat.

Blanca straightened up and fixed his shirt collar, regaining his dignity.

"Let's go, old man," Ash said, dusting his hands off on his jeans.

Aki stomped her foot. "Ashu, you are not going with this man. I will not allow it!"

Ash placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, what he said is true. If he wanted me dead, I'd be dead."

Aki puffed her cheeks and squinted in anger.

"I'll be fine, let me talk to him," Ash said calmly.

Then, Shun appeared at her side and placed a cautious hand on her shoulder. [Trust the boy, Aki.]

Aki tore her eyes away from Ash and towards the pavement. "Do what you must," she muttered angrily. Tears rolled down her cheeks and dropped to the hot asphalt below her feet.

Had Blanca not been there, Ash would have leaned down, hugged her and reassured her everything would be alright. But with Blanca watching over his shoulder, he couldn't. He believed him. He wasn't there to hurt him, Ash could tell. Still, he couldn't afford to show such weakness, to let his guard down like that. Instead, he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'll be fine, I promise," he reassured her softly. He glanced back at Eiji. His eyes softened and communicated an apology he couldn't voice. "I'll meet you at home," he told him.

"Come on, Ash," Blanca prompted.

Ash tried to slam the door of Blanca's luxury car, but the expensive weather seal wouldn't allow it to make more than a soft thud.

The second Ash saw Eiji pull away with the family in his car, he began shouting. "Why the FUCK are you here?! You're supposed to think I'm dead!"

"Ash, please," he said patronizingly, "A funeral without a body...when it's someone like you? That's just a show."

"There were ashes," he argued.

Blanca started the car and practically rolled his eyes. "Exactly." He flicked on his blinker and turned into the street. "Besides, it wasn't very difficult to predict where you'd go."

Ash huffed angrily as he crossed his arms and slammed his foot into the glovebox.

"You've reverted back into an angry teen," Blanca stated.

Ash glared at him. "The fuck do you mean 'reverted?'"

"I've been here for some time Ash, I've seen the way you act around the Okumuras. It's like you're a different person with them. You treat Eiji's sister like a princess and yet one of the guys at the same time. It's endearing."

Ash slammed his fist into the car door, not caring about the pain it caused in his knuckles. "So you've just been watching me then?!"

"Keeping an eye out for you is more like it."

"What are you talking about?!"

"I'm not the only one who isn't fooled by an urn of ashes, little Lynx." He eyed Ash. "My contract with Yut-Lung has ended, but I've still got an eye on him too"

"Your point?" Ash asked angrily.

"My point is that Yut-Lung currently has no suspicions of your death, but if you keep poking around, inviting your guys to your wedding and trying to get back to New York for your honeymoon, then you'll be pushing your luck."

Ash gaped at him. "How do you know that!? Not even Eiji knows that."

"He suspects. I overheard him talking to Ibe."

Ash kicked the car again. "Shit, how long have you been watching us?"

"Long enough to start dating your therapist, and get a good look at your file. I'm happy for you, Ash, you've made a lot of progress.

Ash slammed his fist against the window. "Stop this damn car!" He shouted. "Let me out, Blanca!" he spat venomously.

Blanca pulled over to the side of the road and put the car in park. "Get out if you'd like. I know you hate it, but I really did come here to check up on you. What you said to Aki was true, I did look the other way while horrible things happened to you. I can't go back and fix that but I wish that I could. And I can look out for you now. Ash, please," Blanca said sincerely, "I just want to apologize, to fix what I did...or I guess, to fix what I didn't do."

Ash opened the car door. "No," he said angrily, eyes reddened with unfallen tears. "No, you don't get to apologize. You have to live with what you did, just like I do. Protect me from afar if that makes you feel better, but I'm not forgiving you." Ash slammed the door and began walking in the opposite direction, head down and hands in his pockets as if it weren't the middle of August, boiling hot.

In the quiet, air conditioned cabin of his car, Blanca muttered to himself, "Yet. You can't forgive me yet. You've changed too much to hate me forever. I'm sorry, Ash, and I hope that one day you can forgive me and we can find some common ground, live like the friends we should have been." After getting the words out of his system, Blanca shifted the car into drive and pulled away. He watched Ash fade into the background from his rearview mirror.

Hours later, Ash returned home; sunburnt, sweaty, and aching from wandering around the city for hours. As he walked inside, he was faced with the Okumuras all sitting in suspense from the living room sectional. Ash's eyes found Shun. He didn't look nearly as shocked as he had before. Someone had likely brought him up to speed. Thank God, he wouldn't have to be the one to do it. Recounting your tragic life story to everyone you get close to is exhausting, to say the very least.

"You fought him?" Eiji jumped to his feet and asked as he saw Ash's swollen knuckles.

Ash shook his head, "I punched the damn car." He glanced at his hands and caught sight of Miyuki's writing on his wrist. Right now, he would have happily accepted this as a dream. No, a nightmare.

"Eiji," Ash said as he kicked off his shoes. "Apologize to your dad for me...I can't- I'm going upstairs."

Eiji ignored his request and chased after him. "Ash wait," he pleaded, but Ash didn't wait, he simply kept moving, climbing the stairs. Eiji followed at his heels.

"Ash, please," he said as they reached the top, "wait."

Reluctantly, Ash halted and turned to face him.

"What did he want? Are you alright?" Eiji asked frantically. "Ash, are you alright?"

Ash closed his eyes to keep himself from snapping. Of course he wasn't alright. The Ash from New York would have snapped at him. But Eiji didn't deserve that, so he bottled up his anger.

Eiji glanced again at Ash's abraded knuckles. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

Eiji didn't actually have any real life experience with Blanca. He had been hired by Yut-Lung after Ash sent Eiji back to Japan, but Ash had told him all about Blanca. He wasn't sure how Blanca would act for sure.

"I'm fine," he said coldly as he began walking down the hallway into their bedroom. "Just pissed off."

Eiji's bare feet padded down the hall after him. "Ash," he called after him.

Ash entered the bedroom and headed straight for the bathroom.

"Ash," Eiji repeated.

Ash spun around on the bathroom tile. Yelling would be so easy. Instead, he inhaled shakily and forced himself to remember what Iku-san had taught him about breathing.

"Eiji, please, stop," he said as calmly as he could, but the anger was seeping through his voice. "I don't want to yell at you, but if you keep pressing me, it's just gonna come out."

Eiji retreated a step. "Sorry," he said softly, eyes averted in obvious guilt.

"I'm disgusting," he said, gesturing at his sweaty clothes. "I'm taking a shower." With two fingers, he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just...please, apologize to your family for me and let me decompress. We'll talk later."

"You have nothing to apologize for, you didn't ask Blanca to come here."

"He's here because of me. They must have been terrified. Tell them I'm sorry." With that, Ash shooed Eiji out the door and closed it behind him. The second he heard Eiji walking away, he slid down the door and collapsed against it on the bathroom tile.

Blanca's words from the car returned to him. 'Long enough to start dating your therapist, and get a good look at your file.'

Ash slammed an open palm into the tile floor. "Fuck you!" he shouted through the tears he finally gave permission to fall. "Fuck you," he repeated, this time through a soft, broken voice. That file was private. There were some things Ash shared with Iku-san that not even Eiji knew. Blanca had no right. None. It was one thing to go through the file, but to admit to it? How dare he even attempt to apologize.

For a good twenty minutes, angry tears streamed down his face as his head pressed up against the door. Then, without warning, his muscles jolted to attention and he was standing. Angrily, he ripped his shirt off and through it against the floor, it landed with a loud smack. He did the same with the rest of his clothes. Seconds later he was standing under the cold shower water, not even bothering to let the water heat up before stepping inside.

Blood trickled down the tile wall as Ash threw a fist into it. The pain caused him to curse loudly into the now-steamy air. And then he cursed himself because he knew his split knuckles acted only as a temporary outlet for his rage, but would, without a doubt, bring lasting tears to Eiji's eyes.

Blood ran down his skin in pink lines as he washed his hair and body. Once clean, he forced himself to hang the loofah on the shower rack, rather than scrubbing until his skin was red and raw. Eiji would get the wrong idea if he allowed himself to selfishly scrub until he'd shed his skin. As horrible as Blanca was, at least the man had never touched him the way Dino had. Instead of scrubbing, he stood numbly under the water, staring into space, deep in thought.

Blanca was so selfish, Ash decided. He could have been happy just to know Ash was alive and doing well. Better, in fact, than he'd ever been. He could have watched him from afar, protected him even, if need be. While there was likely some truth to Blanca's warning, Ash knew it was more of an excuse. Yut-Lung wasn't still thinking about Ash. Blanca had admitted the man currently held no suspicions of his death. Sure if Ash was stupid enough to be seen by him in New York, then there'd be trouble, but he was being careful, he wouldn't let himself be so easily found out. It was a fair warning though, Ash had no doubt let down his guard in Japan, that was evidenced by the fact that he'd failed to notice Blanca watching him after all this time.

Still, Ash couldn't help but think Blanca revealed himself to Ash as a way to atone for his own faults. He'd been reading his file, all those vulnerable notes about his trauma and how much everything he'd been through impacted every aspect of his life. There was no doubt, Blanca read it and felt guilty, as he should. He had every chance to stop Dino, Marvin, and the like, but he never did. He was hired to do a job and that's what he did. Nothing more, nothing less. And now it weighed like an anvil on his conscience. Ash's forgiveness was the only thing that could wash it clean.

And that's why, Ash decided, Blanca was selfish.

Ash shivered as the water turned cold against his skin. He was honestly surprised, he expected Eiji to come check on him by now. Maybe he wanted him to. He shut the water off and dried. He exited the bathroom and dressed in clean clothes, shorts and the goofy t-shirt with the bird on it that Aki had gifted him. He thought maybe it would make him somehow feel the tiniest bit better. And somehow, it did.

Ash walked to the top of the stairs and listened for conversation on the floor below. There wasn't any. Ash imagined Shun left with Aki and Miyuki. Eiji was likely passed out on the couch.

His wet hair dripped onto his t-shirt as he descended the stairs. As he reached the bottom, he smelled freshly brewed tea. He rounded the corner and saw Aki, standing alone, with a mug of tea in hand, in the center of the living room. She was looking at the picture of Shorter still leaning against the wall, waiting to be hung.

The house was dark now, the sun would normally still be setting, but a storm had rolled in and darkened the sky. The distant sound of rain drumming against metal gutters filled the quiet house.

Ash walked towards Aki cautiously, scanning the house for signs of life. He noticed his car keys were no longer hanging by the front door. Eiji had taken them somewhere, he suspected, it was just him and Aki now.

She sensed his presence and turned towards him.

"Hey," he began sheepishly, "I owe you an-"

"Come sit, sweet boy," she interrupted. She sat on the sectional and patted the cushion next to her.

He did so and she instantly moved to give him the mug of tea she was holding. "I made it for you," she told him, "I did not drink any."

He nodded in appreciation.

She noticed his knuckles as he accepted the tea. "Oh, my poor boy," she cooed.

"I'm fine," Ash said softly, "I just took out my frustration on the shower wall." He said the second sentence humorously, as if he expected her to laugh.

Except she didn't laugh. She frowned and then left the room to fetch an ice pack from the freezer.

"No ice, Ashu?" She asked with distress.

"Not packs, no."

She returned with a frozen bag of vegetable medley. He moved the tea into one hand as Aki stole his other. She wrapped his knuckles in the bag of frozen veggies and then brought his injured hand to rest in both her dainty ones upon her lap. She held the cold pack on for him.

"When Eiji was a baby," she began soothingly, "he had...I'm not sure the name in English, but we call it," [colic.] "Do you know what that is, Ashu?"

He shook his head. He didn't know the Japanese word and he also didn't know why she was bringing up something about Eiji's infancy.

[It is when a baby cries and cries even though nothing appears to be wrong. They aren't sick, they aren't hungry, or in need of a change, they just cry. The doctor told us he was crying for no reason, but I knew there must be a reason, he just wasn't able to tell us.]

Ash quirked a brow, "Are you calling me a baby, Mom?"

Ash was trying to lighten the mood, but she continued on, ignoring his comment completely for the time being, [Eiji was well fed, sleeping enough, he wasn't sick, sometimes he just needed to cry, so all we could do was hold him and comfort him as best we could.]

She unwrapped the bag of frozen veggies from his hand and traced a ghost-like finger centimeters above his swollen, bloodied knuckles.

"I do not mind if you act like a baby who cries without reason. You have every reason, but you do not need to tell me. You can cry and cry and I will feed you and hold you and be there to write silly words on your wrist…" she trailed off. Her thumb traced his wrist that was now devoid of Miyuki's inscription. "And you don't have to explain." She inhaled deeply and let out the breath slowly. "But please, Ashu, don't hurt yourself like this."

Ash placed the bag over his fingers again, mercifully shielding her view. "It was either the wall or his face."

Without skipping a beat, Aki replied, "It should have been his face."

"Speaking of which, you sure pack a punch," he teased.

She met his eyes and flashed him a look that was in between sadness and aggravation. She dropped his hand and patted her lap. "Lay down, Ashu."

It was a command, but it didn't feel threatening. Aki was like that, she was an exception to the rule. She rarely asked permission for hugs, or, hell, even motherly kisses to the cheek. She'd pat his back or brush his arm, often without warming, and he couldn't remember ever flinching. She didn't add disclaimers to her words such as, 'if you want,' or 'if that's okay with you,' or 'as long as you're comfortable.' She treated him like he was her own son and, per her own words, mothers and sons didn't have to ask permission. Rather, it was simply understood that if Ash really was uncomfortable, he could simply say so and she'd correct her actions in an instant. It made Ash feel normal and, honestly, he appreciated it more than she could ever know.

Ash followed her lead. He set his tea on the floor and stretched out on the sofa, placing his head in her lap.

"You looove to joke around, but it is okay to just be sad...or angry. I already know it's there, you do not have to hide," she told him, gently stroking his hair as she spoke to him. It was getting long again, she'd be cutting it again in no time.

Despite his posture, there was still a good deal of tension in his muscles, and, of course, Aki could sense it. [Shun and Miyuki are staying the night at my house. I told Eiji to stay gone a while. You can cry and on one will see...and you don't have to tell me a thing.]

"You're more of a guardian angel than Blanca could ever be," Ash said softly, tears still dormant in his eyes.

Aki didn't understand but, as promised, she didn't ask. She simply rubbed his back and cooed, "Let it out, Ashu, let it out."

'Even,' Ash thought to himself. Just a few weeks ago, when she'd told him about Shun, he'd encouraged her to cry, comforted her as she did so. Now, she was there for him as hot tears finally began to erupt from his eyes.

His tears were gentle at first. Aki rubbed his back soothingly as they wetted her pants like scattered raindrops. They increased as Ash thought. Not about Blanca. About how different his life would have been if his own mother had loved him like Aki did. If she would have stayed in his life, looked after him as a child, loved him. His dad never would have made him play t-ball to get him out of his hair. Tragedy would have never befell him. He would have never run away. Dino would never have found him.

He sobbed.

And then he remembered that, had that been the case, he'd still be in Cape Cod. He would have never met Eiji in New York. He wouldn't be here now. He clung more tightly to Aki. It was, in the strangest way, worth it. He loved Eiji more than he loved anything else. And the rest of his family put up a good fight for second place. He wouldn't trade a single one of them for the world.

A thawing bag of vegetable medley fell with a thunk as Ash drifted to sleep. Aki smiled sadly and shed a few tears of her own. At this point, Ash might have well been her own son. When her children were in pain, so was she. Ash was no exception.

When Eiji came home an hour later, Aki motioned for him to join her in the living room.

[You think you could carry him upstairs?] She asked, pointing at Ash's sleeping form still on her lap.

Eyes wide, Eiji held back a laugh. [No, Mom, he's much too heavy.]

Aki stared at the sleeping Ash. [Maybe if you grab his feet and I grab his arms-]

Eiji placed his palm over his mouth to muffle his laughter. [And what? Drag him all the way upstairs? He'd wake up for sure.]

Aki bit back a laugh of her own, [Well we can't just leave him here,] she argued.

Eiji smiled sweetly and dropped into a squat. He lovingly ran a hand through Ash's golden hair. "Ash," he whispered, "Ash."

He momentarily forgot where he was when he woke. All his sleepy brain could focus on was the fact that there were four hands on him; one of Eiji's in his hair and one on his arm, and both of Aki's resting on his back. He sat up frantically, clutching his heart through his t-shirt. His eyes focused on Aki and Eiji. "S-Sorry," he breathed. He struggled to catch his breath. "Sorry."

Eiji frowned as he saw Ash's knuckles. Despite the ice, they were now bruised purple and far more swollen than before. "That looks really bad, Ash," Eiji worried.

Ash lowered his eyes to his hand. "I know. I punched the shower," He rolled his eyes at his own actions, "I think I may have broken something."

Eiji picked up the abandoned bag of now-thawed vegetables. "I'll get more ice." He fetched a bag of frozen blueberries. "This is all we had, so, hopefully, they don't leak everywhere when they melt."

Ash smiled slightly as he imagined waking up in a bed stained purple from blueberry juice. "I'll be fine without ice," he decided. He turned to Aki, "Need a ride home?"

She shook her head. "I'm staying."

For once, Ash didn't argue, didn't tease, didn't even ask why. He simply nodded and, for the first time ever, hugged her without asking. She squeezed him back and muttered sweetly, "Finally, you learned."

He smiled and leaned back a few inches so that he could press the gentlest of kisses to her cheekbone. Eiji practically melted into the floor. Besides Eiji, those lips had never touched anyone willingly.

"You're so good to me," Ash said softly as he drew away.

Eiji, fluent in Ash Lynx, knew that statement could be translated into 'I love you,' and he hoped his mom was equally perceptive. But it turned out she didn't need to be, because a moment later, he decided to come right out and say it.

"I love you," he told her as he stood, leaving tears in her eyes in his wake.

Despite the day he'd had, his progress was undeniable.

"Oh, Ashu, I love you too," she said sappily.

Headlights caught Ash's eye from outside the window. In an instant, he was up, ripping open the window. He shouted at the car idling beside the curb.

"Leave me alone, you sick fu-" he aborted the sentence as the driver emerged. It was nothing more than a delivery man, certainly not Blanca, as he suspected. "S-Sorry." Embarrassed, he slammed the window shut, locked it, and drew the curtains closed.

Aki and Eiji stared at him with utmost confusion.

"Just a delivery man," he explained. He then broke out into sleepless laughter. He rubbed his forehead, "I need sleep."

Eiji yawned and nodded in agreement, "Me too."

They made their way upstairs, Aki settling into the second floor guest room. Eiji wrote a message on Ash's wrist, just for good measure. From the conversation with Shun and Aki to Blanca's unexpected appearance, it had been an emotionally exhausting day. Eiji had so many questions, but he didn't press Ash. The silence did not go unnoticed, and it was certainly appreciated. They settled into bed wordlessly and were asleep within minutes.