Chapter Forty-Four: Parents Undeserving
Saturday, at 5:30 sharp, Akira walked through the front door with a white backpack on her shoulders filled with coloring books, markers, paper, and various toys from around her house. She spotted Buddy's bed in the corner of the living room before she even saw the dog. In an instant, her backpack fell with a thunk to the floor, abandoned and boring. As Eiji talked with her father, she ran around the house searching for Buddy.
[Thanks again, by the end of the week, we need a break from her. And Shunichi could use a break from time to time as well. Besides,] he laughed and slapped Eiji's arm roughly, [she thinks you're way more fun than my brother!]
Eiji laughed, but his smile did not reach his eyes. He was not a fan of Ibe-san's brother, to say the least. Beside him, Ash stood quietly, willing himself not to tell the man off. Akira's dad informed them that she ate dinner before they left and that he'd be back to pick her up around 9:30 or 10 to pick her up. He told Akira to behave herself and then returned to his wife who was waiting for him stoically in the passenger seat of their car.
As Eiji closed the door, Ash muttered to him, "Look at her, she didn't even bother getting out of the car. If their daughter's such a burden, why'd they have her."
"Ash," Eiji reprimanded.
"She doesn't speak English, Eiji. Plus," he looked around, "she's not even in the room. My guess is she found Buddy."
Eiji shook his head, "I know that, I was gonna say, Ash, that I agree with you, but I'm glad she exists in this world, all the same."
A contemplative sadness washed over his face. "Hmm, yeah, I am too."
[EI-CHAN!] Akira screamed excitedly.
Eiji and Ash followed her scream and found her in the guest bedroom with an excited puppy squirming in her arms.
[He's heavy!"] She squealed, struggling to keep him in her arms. Akira laughed as Buddy wriggled out of her grip and freed himself from her arms. Buddy tried to escape the room, but Ash caught him in the doorway. After a few seconds of squirming, he relaxed in Ash's arms.
[Hey, Akira,] Eiji said with a smile as he sank down to the floor to be on her level, [I didn't even get to say 'hi' yet, I was too busy talking with your dad.]
Akira smiled. [Hi, Ei-chan!] She hugged him excitedly. She then looked past Eiji to Ash. She didn't jump into his arms to hug him. Instead, she shyly said, [Hi…] a pang of guilt washed over her face and she turned to Eiji and whispered a question in his ear. Eiji could barely contain his smile as he whispered back [Ash.] Apparently, she'd forgotten his strange, foreign name.
[Hi, Ash,] she said meekly.
[Hey,] he responded simply. He sat on the floor, Buddy still in his arms. [Akira, this is Buddy,] he said, introducing her to the puppy. [We took your advice and got a puppy. Hopefully, our house isn't so boring now.] He smiled at her but she simply stared back at him, eyes trained on Buddy.
[How come he lets you hold him?] She asked Ash.
[Well, he's kinda like a baby, Akira. Have you ever held a baby?] Eiji answered for him.
She shook her head, [Uh-uh.]
[Well, sometimes they're scared of new people. And sometimes they cry when a new person holds them.] Eiji smiled at her, [he just needs to get to know you.]
[And then I can hold him?]
Eiji nodded.
[How?] She asked. [How can I get to know him? He's a dog, it's not like I can talk to him.]
Eiji reached out and gently pulled Akira's wrist to the puppy's nose. [You can start by letting him smell you.] Buddy smelled her hand, his cold nose running up and down her forearm. [Dogs remember who you are by your smell,] Eiji told her. [And now, gently,] he moved his own hand to Buddy's fur to demonstrate, [you can pet him. Gently,] he instructed as Akira moved her hand from Buddy's nose.
Gently, she ran a hand across the puppy's fur. A small smile slowly crept onto her face. [He's really soft,] she remarked.
[Do you want to hold him?] Ash asked.
[But he was so wiggly when I tried to hold him,] she worried.
[That's because he likes to be held a certain way.] Ash rocked him in his arms to emphasize the way he was holding Buddy. [He doesn't like to be held from his armpits,] Ash told her, thinking back to how she was holding Buddy previously. [He likes to be held like a baby.]
Akira nodded and Ash carefully placed the dog in her arms. Buddy squirmed for a few seconds but quickly settled against her chest.
[See?] Ash smiled, [He does like you, he just is picky with how you hold him.]
Akira smiled at Buddy and rocked him in her arms like she'd seen Ash do. Then, slowly and carefully, she stood. She walked a few steps to where Eiji was and sat in his lap with Buddy still nestled carefully against her. [Can we walk Buddy?] She asked, looking up at Eiji from her perch in his lap.
Buddy's ears perked up at the word walk. He may be young, but he was quickly learning all his favorite words...in both languages, a bilingual dog, as Eiji enthusiastically called him. He squirmed from her arms and hopped around happily on the floor, pouncing and wagging his tail in excitement.
Akira looked confused. [He knows the word?] She looked up at Eiji, [I thought you said he's like a baby?]
[A pretty smart baby,] Ash replied. Eiji nodded in agreement.
Impatiently, Buddy let out a bark that was so piercing, it sent Akira's hands straight to her ears. Buddy barked again and Akira laughed. [Make him stop!] She laughed.
"Buddy! No." Eiji scolded the puppy firmly.
"Wanna go walking?" Ash asked, further egging the puppy on. Buddy jumped around Ash's feet as he stood to fetch his leash.
Minutes later, they set off down the street with an excited puppy darting between their feet, nearly tripping Ash multiple times.
[Hey, pick a side, Little Man!] Ash laughed as Buddy zig-zagged between both edges of the sidewalk.
[Hey, Akira, there's a park nearby if you wanna go.]
She shrugged, [I guess.]
[What? Not a fan of parks?] Eiji asked.
Another shrug. She eyed Eiji and Ash. [Parks aren't that fun without other kids. Adults just sit and watch.]
Eiji dropped his jaw in an over-the-top offended stare. [Maybe boring adults,] he replied. [I happen to love parks.]
Akira looked up at him. She reached out and grabbed his hand as they walked. [Will you do the slides with me?]
[Slides, swings, jungle gyms, you name it.]
Akira smiled softly, [Okay, let's go.] She looked at Ash. [Do you like parks too?]
Ash thought back to his experience with parks. Griffin used to take him, but even that was rare. His little league baseball team practiced and had games at parks, so that alone left a sour taste in his mouth. He was aware that normal kids loved parks. Parks were a place to release pent-up energy after sitting at a school desk all week. They were a place to play tag with your friends, climb trees or maybe swing sets. For normal kids, the only pain associated with a park was a scraped knee or elbow. For normal kids, and adults for that matter, parks had no association with childhood trauma.
Akira was staring at him, awaiting an answer, and so was Eiji. Eiji looked guilty, Ash noticed, like he'd realized the negative association for Ash and regretted suggesting taking Akira there.
[Ash?] Akira asked, [Did you hear me?]
[Yeah, sorry, I like parks.] 'As long as we avoid the pitcher's mound' he added to himself. [I just haven't been to one since I was really little.]
Eiji stopped and caught his eye in a firm stare that asked 'you sure?'
Ash nodded and put a foot forward, steering them in the direction of the park. Akira might be young, but the tension did not go unnoticed. Only she interrupted it wrongly, because how could she guess things about Ash she'd never even heard of. She was a child, and normal children didn't know what the word rape meant.
[You don't want to play with me,] she said to Ash. Her voice was disappointed but not at all surprised. She'd heard her parents tell her as much many times before.
Ash stopped abruptly and fell into a squat so he could see her eye-to-eye. Buddy tugged anxiously at the leash, unsure as to why they had stopped. With both hands on his knees, Ash met Akira's eyes. [No, that's not it, Akira. I do want to play with you. I just...my parents never played with me at the park when I was your age, so I don't know if I know how.] It was hardly a lie, his parents never had played with him like good parents would. His dad told Griffin to get him out of his hair, but he didn't care where they went or if they had a good time.
Life came back to her face. [Oh,] she said cheerfully, [I can teach you!]
[You will?] He forced his voice to sound happy.
[Yeah! It's not hard, silly.]
Ash smiled. He'd bet money that some adult in her life called her 'silly' regularly.
[Really?] He asked with a jest Akira didn't quite grasp.
[Yeah, kids play all the time, it's not hard.]
They arrived at the park about 15 minutes later. Akira bolted for the playground the second she saw it. Eiji was just steps behind her. Their other baby, on the other hand, was already worn out from the walk there.
"I knew I should have brought the sling," Ash remarked to himself. He wiggled Buddy's leash, but the dog was intent on lying in the shade of a tree that lined the path. "Come here, you," he bent down and scooped Buddy into his arms. He panted from the heat and drooled all over Ash's arm. "Gross, dude," he said with a smile that contradicted his words.
By the time Ash reached the playground, Eiji and Akira were already climbing all over the jungle gym. A few parents watching their children from the sidelines smiled at Eiji. Ash studied Eiji and Akira from afar. Eiji certainly didn't look old enough to be her father, but he did look young enough to be her sibling. He wondered what the other parents thought. Did they see a nice older brother playing with his sister? Or maybe a babysitter? Or did they think he was a very youthful-looking father? He smirked to himself and walked to join them. He'd make it even more confusing for the onlooking parents.
He secretly hoped they thought Akira was their child.
Tall enough to do so, he leaned an arm on the jungle gym near Akira and Eiji. [Okay, I'm ready to learn!] Ash announced.
Akira smiled and ran over to him. [Climb that!] She pointed to a rock wall that Ash, and really anyone over the age of eight or nine, could ascend in about two steps, maybe even one. Even with Buddy in his arms, he climbed it with ease.
Akira watched him with obvious astonishment. She turned to Eiji. [He's a better climber than you,] she remarked.
[Well, he is taller than me,] he countered.
Akira shrugged as if to say 'true.' She grabbed Ash's hand and tugged him forwards, [Come on!]
Eiji scanned Ash's face for signs of discomfort. For a split second, it was there, but then it was gone and Ash was following after her. They climbed through the playground, upstairs, and over suspended bridges until they reached a tunnel slide at the top.
Akira looked behind her and shouted for Eiji to hurry up. [Ei-chan!]
[I'm coming, I'm coming,] he laughed.
A few seconds later, the three of them, along with Buddy, stood atop the crowded platform.
Akira looked up at Ash. [It's the most fun if we go down like a train,] she told him. [Me, then Eiji, then you,] she instructed.
They lined up at the slide's entrance. Akira ended up sitting in Eiji's lap and behind them sat Ash who had one arm around Eiji's waist, per Akira's instructions, and the other holding Buddy. Akira counted back from three and they all went down the slide. It was stuffy and hot inside the plastic tunnel and sticky from the sweat and dirty hands of countless other children, but Akira was laughing gleefully, so nothing else mattered. The bright sun blinded them as they arrived at the bottom. Akira jumped off Eiji's lap and pulled him by the arm.
[Now that one!] She shouted as she drug them to another slide. [This one is a racing slide!] She said excitedly as she pointed by two steep, side-by-side metal slides.
They followed her to the top and Ash tested the metal with the palm of his hand. [Sit with Eiji, the slide will burn your legs,] he told Akira who was dressed in shorts that covered only a third of her thighs. Both he and Eiji also wore shorts, but he knew they could both handle it much better than she could.
Akira shook her head, [I rode with Eiji last time. I want to sit with you!]
[Don't demand, ask him, Akira,] Eiji disciplined.
She blushed with embarrassment before adjusting her words. [Can I sit with you and Buddy?]
Ash surprised both himself and Eiji by saying yes. He sat on the burning hot metal and let Akira climb onto his lap.
[Put your hand there,] she commanded, dragging Ash's arm around her with her small hands. [Please?] She added, remembering Eiji's words from just moments ago.
His touch was light, barely there. He could hold Buddy all day, but children were different. Other than Michael, he didn't have any experience holding children as an adult. She was petite for a six-year-old. She felt so fragile on his lap, with her small hands tightly grabbing his arm like a roller coaster restraint. He remembered being her age. He was fragile and vulnerable then too, he just didn't truly know it for another year. He hoped she would never learn, at least not the way he did.
Akira counted down from three and then yelled [Go! Fast!] to Ash, hoping to beat Eiji to the bottom.
Ash used his feet to send them down the slide. On the other side of them, Eiji was at an advantage. He held no child or dog in his arms, so he was able to push off with his arms. He reached the bottom a good two seconds before Ash and Akira.
[No fair!] Akira whined, [You used your hands!]
[Yeah, Eiji, what the heck?] Ash teased.
[You could have pushed off with your hands,] he argued.
[Nuh-uh!] Ash raised Buddy and gestured to Akira who was still in his lap.
Eiji stood and snatched Buddy from Ash's lap. [Okay, let's go again. No hands.]
[Bring it on.]
Akira bounded off Ash's lap and raced up the stairs to the top of the slide. [Come on!] She shouted at Ash.
They got in position and this time he wrapped both hands around her, much less awkwardly. Akira said go and both boys used their feet to propel themselves to the bottom. Eiji won again and Akira demanded another rematch. They returned to the top and this time Ash held Akira a bit more tightly and used more strength to propel them forward. Eiji won again, but this time it was a much closer race.
[Again, Okumura,] Ash said, competitively.
[Someone's a sore loser,] he teased.
They raced twice more before Ash and Akira finally won. On the last descent, Ash was now comfortable holding Akira on his lap. He held her tightly and pushed with all his strength. They laughed and cheered as they reached the bottom before Eiji. Akira hugged him joyfully, her small arms wrapping around his neck, but he didn't hug her back the way he'd seen Eiji do multiple times now. It felt wrong, even though he knew it wasn't. He was allowed to hug a child who had willingly hugged him first, yet he couldn't bring himself to do so, not yet. And then Akira did something he'd seen her do to Eiji, she excitedly kissed his cheek. He didn't dare return it like Eiji had.
Akira stared at him and put a hand on her hip. [It's rude not to do it back,] she scolded.
On the slide beside them, Eiji tensed. Ash's eyebrows formed a serious line across his face. There was a pause before he asked, [Who told you that?]
[Momma.]
[Well,] he began seriously, [Momma ain't right about that one. You should never return a kiss or a hug unless you want to.]
[You don't want to?] She looked offended, hurt even, like she might cry. She obviously loved Eiji very much and she was slowly beginning to feel the same way about Ash.
He didn't want to kiss her, but how could he tell this child, who hadn't a clue about his past, that? He willed himself to take a deep breath. [Akira,] he began calmly, [sometimes people kiss you and you don't want them to. I used to know someone who did that to me. It made me uncomfortable.] Akira stared at him, perplexed. [Now, I don't mind if you kiss my cheek, but I'm not gonna kiss yours, okay? Not because I don't like you. I do like you, you're very fun to be around.]
[Then why?] she asked softly.
[Because it makes me uncomfortable.]
[Oh,] she said simply, with a touch of sadness.
[And you should know,] Ash added, [that no matter what your momma says, you can always do the same thing I'm doing. You can say no too. If it ever makes you uncomfortable, you can tell adults, or other kids, that you don't want a hug or a kiss. It's not rude, and it doesn't mean you don't like them. You don't have to have a reason at all. You can always say no. Okay?]
She nodded in understanding. [Okay,] she said quietly. Ash saw her eyes fill with tears. [Sorry,] she added, convinced he was angry with her.
[Hey, it's alright, I'm not angry,] he soothed. [I'll give you a hug if you want. I just don't do kisses,] he compromised.
Akira nodded and wiped her eyes. [Okay.]
[Do you want a hug?] He asked.
She nodded again and wrapped her small arms around him as he hugged her softly. [Now, why don't you show me what else this park has to offer,] he said, changing the subject.
A smile rose upon her cheeks. [We can do swings,] she decided after scanning the playground.
They spent some time on the swings and then Akira showed Ash the monkey bars and the glider. Then she decided they should all play tag, followed by hide and seek. Both boys purposefully let her win at both games, feigning incompetence. After the last game of hide and seek, the sun was beginning to set and so were Akira's energy levels. They began their walk home; Buddy in Ash's arms and Akira on Eiji's back.
When they returned home, Eiji made ice cream cones for them all and let Akira pick out a movie. Together, they watched Ponyo as they ate their sweet treat. Exhausted from the park, Akira fell asleep in Eiji's lap halfway through the movie.
"Iku-san will be proud when you tell her you taught a child about consent," Eiji said softly to Ash as the movie continued to play.
Ash sighed, "I didn't expect that to be on tonight's agenda, believe me. I guess there's no escaping my past."
"I think it's a good lesson for her to learn." Both of Eiji's hands were occupied holding the sleeping Akira, so he nudged Ash with his foot. "I love you so much," he told Ash lovingly.
Ash's smile returned the sentiment, but still, he said, "I love you too, Eiji."
They finished the movie and Akira woke up as the credits began to play. She sat momentarily, yawned sleepily, and laid back against Eiji's chest. There was no hesitation or visible sign that she was confused as to where she was. It was a true testament to just how much time she spent outside of her own home. Waking up in a foreign home didn't even phase her.
Eiji smoothed her sleep-tousled hair. [Hey, your dad will be here pretty soon,] he said, glancing at the clock which read 9:30.
[M'Kay,] she mumbled. She closed her eyes and pressed closer to Eiji
Twenty minutes passed and there was still no sign of her parents. By now, Akira was sitting up, fully awake, in Eiji's lap. She seemed unbothered, if not a bit bored.
[What'd you bring in your backpack, Akira?] Ash asked.
[Coloring and stuff.]
[Can I look?]
She nodded. [Yeah,] she said sleepily on the back of a yawn.
Ash found her backpack and unzipped it. There were a myriad of things inside, but the thing that really caught his eye was a children's picture book. Ash brought it back with him to the living room.
[Wanna read?]
[Okay,] she yawned again, [but I might] another yawn, [fall asleep.]
Ash smiled [That's okay.]
By the time Akira's father knocked on their front door, Ash had long since finished the book and Akira was fast asleep in Eiji's arms. The clock read 10:45 by the time he knocked, meaning seconds ago, both Ash and Eiji had been fighting sleep themselves.
[Took your sweet time, huh?] Ash said as he opened the door, withholding no annoyance.
Akira's father looked at him quizzically. [And who are you?]
As if they hadn't met earlier.
[I'm Ash. We met literal hours ago,] he responded with palpable frustration.
[Oh, right,] he flashed Ash a demeaning smile and stepped past him into the house, [the roommate.]
Ash scowled at the back of his head as he walked into their home.
Eiji was already nudging Akira awake when her dad reached the sofa. She drowsily gathered her things, all the while her dad hurried her along.
[Come on, hurry up. It's late, Ei-chan wants to get to bed,] he barked. [Akira. Come on, get your shoes.]
[Dude, it's not her fault you're so late,] Ash spat.
His head spun to Ash who was still standing by the front door. He scowled at him before turning towards Eiji. [Some roommate you got there, Ei-chan. No one ever taught the American any manners, huh?]
[Actually, he's got a point. You said you'd be back around 9:30 or 10 but it's already close to 11,] Eiji countered civilly.
He shrugged. [So maybe I lost track of time.]
[It's not a big deal, but it's also not her fault,] Eiji replied calmly, yet seriously.
He studied Eiji for a moment, then clapped him on the shoulder. Ash's face hardened even further at the degrading gesture.
[I suppose that's fair, Ei-chan,] Akira's dad relented.
Akira, who had finished gathering her things, now sat by the door, slipping on her shoes. She struggled to tie them in her sleepy state, so Ash kneeled down and tied them for her.
[Akira,] her dad scolded, [you know how to do that yourself. Don't be lazy.]
Ash glared at him with eyes that scared gangsters and mobsters and stood. [Dude. Chill. She's six.]
Ash stood several inches taller than this man, but he wasn't fazed by his height or his stare.
[In Japan, we respect our elders.]
[Yeah, well, Americans only respect those who deserve it or sign their paycheck. You don't check either box, pal.]
He glared at him a moment longer and then grabbed Akira's backpack. [I'll be in the car.] He turned to Eiji, [Thanks for your help. One piece of advice, though, ditch the roommate. He's making ya look bad.] With that, he opened the door and disappeared into the night.
With her shoes finally tied, Akira stood bashfully with her head down.
[Hey,] Ash stalled her, [thanks for hanging out with us. You can come back any time, okay?]
She nodded numbly and reached for the doorknob.
[Akira,] Ash stalled her again, [your dad…] he paused and chose his words carefully, [is he mean to you at home?]
[Mean?] She asked, perplexed. [He yells-]
[Does he ever hurt you?] Ash forced himself to ask.
Akira shook her head fiercely. [No.]
[And your mom?]
[No, they yell but all parents yell.]
Ash thought of Aki. He wasn't sure that was true. [Okay. Okay, good. You can tell us, or Uncle Shunichi, though, if anyone ever treats you badly, okay? We want you to be safe and happy.]
[Okay,] she said softly.
Outside, her dad honked for her to hurry up.
[I need to leave,] she said hastily and opened the door. [Bye.]
She vanished into the darkness just as her father had moments ago. Ash watched them drive off with hatred burning in his eyes. Eiji touched his arm gently.
"Hey," he said softly. "Come on, Ash." Eiji ushered him inside and closed and locked the door.
"I hate that man, Eiji," he said angrily.
"I know, I do too. And so does Shunichi."
Ash stormed away from the door. He made his way to the kitchen and began angrily loading the dishwasher. "I mean, what an ass! No wonder she's slow to trust adults!" He slammed a plate into the dishwasher. "Fuck! She's a good kid and he's gonna raise her to think she's not. You can't talk to a kid like that and expect them to not think they're a big disappointment." Another plate clanged into the dishwasher. "He doesn't deserve to raise her!"
"I know," Eiji replied calmly.
"How can you be so calm?!" He slammed a glass into the dishwasher rack.
"Because, Ash, there's nothing we can do about it. Lots of parents suck. The best we can do is treat her right when we see her."
"That's not good enough, Eiji," he raised his voice. Another glass met the dishwasher, this time, harder than the last. It shattered against his good hand, sending shards of glass into his palm. "Fuck!" He kicked the kitchen cabinet, sending waves of pain up his leg.
"Ash. Stop!" Eiji rushed to his side and pulled his hand towards himself. "You can't keep hurting yourself every time you get mad." He pulled him to the downstairs bathroom and forced Ash to sit on the closed toilet seat. With tweezers, he pulled the glass from Ash's hand. Blood trickled down his forearm. Not worried about stains, Eiji caught the blood with a hand towel.
"Hold that," he instructed, handing him the towel. Ash did as he was told so that Eiji could rummage through the cabinets for disinfectant. He washed his hands before applying it to Ash's cut hand. He carefully rubbed his thumb over Ash's palm to feel for more glass. "Do you think there's any glass inside?"
Ash shook his head, "No, I can't feel anything."
Unconvinced, Eiji kept feeling his palm, looking for glass.
"It's fine, Eiji, really. I've had worse."
Eiji rolled his eyes and angrily grabbed a box of bandaids. "Damn it, Ash! When will you learn!?" he shouted. "I don't care if you've 'had worse.' I don't want you to hurt now. I don't want your hands to be broken or filled with glass. Not ever. Hell, I don't care if it's a damn paper cut, I don't want to see you hurting!"
He adhered the bandaids to his skin and left the room before Ash could respond. In the kitchen, Ash could hear him cleaning up the broken glass. Ash retreated upstairs without a sound.
A half-hour later, after the glass was picked up and the rest of the kitchen was clean, Eiji went upstairs. He opened the door to find the bedroom vacant. He looked inside the bathroom, but Ash was not there.
"Ash?" Eiji called. "Ash? Where'd ya go?"
When there was no response, he called out again, this time more anxiously. "Ash?" Still no response. Eiji made his way through the upstairs, checking inside each room.
The breath left his lungs as he opened the spare bedroom door and found Ash lying on the guest bed. His body was turned away from the door and the blankets were pulled up around his chest.
"Ash?" Eiji managed to ask quietly.
When Ash didn't turn to face him, Eiji entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed. "You alright?"
Without facing him, he replied, "You're upset with me, I don't expect you to want to sleep with me."
Ash could practically hear Eiji's eyes roll as he huffed. "I was upset because you have a tendency to hurt yourself when you're upset and I don't like to see you in pain. But I'm not angry with you, Ash."
Ash couldn't find the words to respond, so he just continued to lay there silently. Eiji patted his blanket-covered calf and stood. For a moment, Ash thought he'd leave, but then the bed creaked and he realized Eiji was climbing in on the other side.
"You're staying?" He asked, still facing away.
Eiji turned off the light on the bedside table. "Good night, Ash, I love you," he said simply.
That got his attention. He finally rolled over to find Eiji facing his direction, laying about as close as he possibly could without touching Ash.
Now, just inches apart, Eiji whispered, "I'm sorry I yelled."
"I'm sorry I'm an asshole," Ash whispered back.
"You're not."
"Sometimes I am."
"You were rightfully upset with Akira's dad. Getting angry doesn't make you an asshole."
"I don't give a shit about him. I upset you. That's what makes me an asshole."
Eiji sighed. This was an argument neither of them could win. Instead, Eiji decided to go a different route. "Well, then, I forgive you." He pressed forward an inch or so and kissed the tip of his nose. "And I love you. Nothing could ever change that." Then, Eiji pressed forward once more and kissed his lips softly. It felt strange not to ask, but Ash had previously told him he wanted to try it out; to leave asking by the wayside for a while.
Ash chased his lips as he pulled away, shamelessly stealing another kiss. And then another, and another, and suddenly he had Eiji pinned between his lips and the mattress. Eiji hummed in contentment as Ash licked into his mouth and slid his hands up Eiji's shirt. And then a firm hand pressed against Ash's t-shirt, breaking the kiss.
"You...don't owe me sex as an apology," Eiji said breathlessly.
Ash kissed him again before answering. "I know. But I want you anyway." He kissed him again. "That is, if you want me."
Eiji responded by grabbing the front of Ash's shirt and pulling him into another kiss.
"Is...that a...yes?" Ash teased between kisses.
"Mmm, yes," Eiji hummed against his lips.
"Care if I top?" Ash asked before he could stop himself.
Eiji wrapped a leg around his waist and drew him closer. "Please," he smiled as he kissed Ash.
Ash simply hummed pleasurably and continued to kiss him. After a few minutes, Ash came to his senses and remembered they were not in their own room, meaning the supplies housed in their nightstand were not there. He pulled away from Eiji.
"Hey, wrong room," he said with a vague nod to the bedside stand.
That, of all things, made Eiji flush. "Oh yeah, we gotta move." He sat and Ash pulled him against himself.
"Hold onto me," Ash instructed. "Tight."
Eiji smiled and wrapped his limbs around Ash like a baby monkey; arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Eiji laughed as Ash struggled to stand. A bit clumsily, he carried Eiji to their bedroom. Ash pretended to trip in the doorway, earning a startled yelp from Eiji. Then, still laughing from his own goofiness, he actually did trip, luckily landing on the bed. His hands landed on either side of Eiji's head. Eiji rolled in laughter on the bed as Ash laughed above him. Then, all laughter ceased as Ash kneeled over him and tugged off his own shirt. Propping himself up on his elbows, Eiji awkwardly wriggled out of his own shirt.
Even.
Seconds later, Ash was back on his mouth, kissing him passionately in ways that made Eiji's head spin. He kissed him hungrily until Eiji had to physically push him back in order to breathe. Chest heaving as he gasped for breath, Eiji muttered, "Fuck, you're good at that."
Ash laughed slightly, "I know."
Deciding that letting Eiji breathe was pretty important, he let his lips dance over his clavicles instead. As Ash sucked dark circles into his skin, he wasn't sure if Eiji was still panting from lack of air or pleasure, or maybe a bit of both. He decided to ignore it and continue his work.
Growing restless, Eiji steered one of Ash's hands to his waistband.
"Patience," Ash murmured against his skin.
"But I'm so ha- Uh!" He lost his words as Ash ground against him.
Ash continued rolling his still-clothed hips against Eiji's as he continued to kiss and suck at his skin.
After several minutes, Eiji rasped, "Ash, wait! I don't wanna cum yet!"
Ash smiled against his skin but didn't stop moving. "I'll get ya there twice, don't worry."
"I dunno-" a moan interrupted his words, "if I can do that."
"Only one way to find out."
Eiji opened his mouth to protest, but only a pleasured sound escaped him. He tightened his arms around Ash's neck and after two more rocks of his hips, he came in his pants. His arms fell limply to the bed as he tried desperately to catch his breath. With closed eyes, he felt Ash smoothing his hair off his forehead.
"You good?" Ash asked.
Eiji nodded breathlessly. "Do your thing."
Ash chuckled at his choice of words and kissed his temple. Then, he finally helped him out of his remaining clothing and then did the same for himself.
"Good. Cuz the first one is for tension release," he threw Eiji's legs over his shoulders and positioned himself between them, eliciting a gasp from Eiji, "but the second one is where it's at." He kissed his inner thigh, "Or so I'm told. I only have the one time with you as a personal reference. But I've made plenty of guys cum twice and they always seem to- ya know what? Forget it." He kissed the member that was already beginning to grow again. "Only you." Another kiss. "You're the only one I care about." Another kiss and a lick to the head. Now fully hard again, Eiji's head tossed from side to side on the pillow, as a whimper escaped him. "You're the only one I'll ever love. And the only one who will ever get me ever again."
Eiji could hardly make sense of the words Ash was speaking, let alone conjure a response. Rather, he just hummed in vague agreement.
Ash smiled at the sight before him. "I wish you could see yourself, you're stunning."
Despite it all, Eiji chuckled. [Eww, God no, Ash. I could never watch myself.]
Ash smiled at the language change. Eiji opened his mouth to say something further, but his words dropped off as Ash engulfed him. He took his time working his magic and slowly brought him close to a second orgasm and then pulled off and weaseled out from his perch between his legs. Eiji watched him through heavily hooded lids as he reached into the nightstand and began to oil them both up.
"We're almost out," Ash remarked, "remind me to buy more."
"Sure. Whatever," Eiji managed as Ash slid a second finger into him.
After the addition of a third finger and another minute, Ash asked, "Ready?"
Eiji couldn't find the words, but met Ash's eyes and nodded in agreement.
Ash raised a brow, "Words. I need words, love."
Eiji closed his eyes and struggled to find them. [Yes, Ash, always yes. I'm ready.]
Ash smiled and finally pressed in. They both moaned, Ash more loudly than Eiji, this time. He went slowly at first but increased his pace and intensity as Eiji wrapped his legs around his hips, pulling him in tightly. When Ash felt himself getting close, he used his teeth to pull the bandages off his glass-inflicted palm, causing Eiji to groan at the sight, and finally gripped Eiji's erection. Just a few strokes later, they fell into an abyss of bliss. And Ash was right, the second one was better. He came on Ash's stomach and leaked all over the bed as Ash pulled out of him.
Ash collapsed on the pillow beside him, not even bothering to clean either of them up just yet.
"Wow, we made such a mess," Eiji uttered breathlessly, as he observed the mess that covered them and the bed, as well as the clothes strewn around the room, some of which were also soiled.
Ash smiled, "Oops." He closed his eyes and made no move to begin the process of cleaning up.
"You were right," Eiji began, "the second one was better."
A love-drunk smile plastered itself to Ash's lips. "Told ya so." He leaned forward and kissed Eiji's temple. "Glad you enjoyed yourself, lovely."
"Mmmm, love you," Eiji hummed in agreement.
Words dwindled, and after a few minutes of silence, Eiji reached for the wipes they kept in the drawer of their nightstand, but Ash caught his arm lightly.
"Just...let it be a minute."
Ash wasn't typically one to stall the cleaning process. Eiji halted in his tracks. "Hey? You alright?" He asked with concern.
"Yeah, I just... wanna sec to take it all in." Eiji nodded and Ash kept talking. "Sometimes it just...hits, ya know? I never thought this was something I could have...it's unreal."
Eiji rolled on his side and propped his head upon his hand. "Are you feeling dreamy?"
Ash shut his eyes. "A bit, yeah. Not too bad, though. It just started, I can still talk myself down."
"How can I help?"
"Just keep talking." His eyes opened again. "And don't fall asleep on me just yet."
Now Eiji understood why he didn't want to be cleaned up. He knew Eiji would never let them fall asleep like this. "I won't," he reassured him. "What do you want me to talk about?"
"Anything."
Eiji ran a loving hand through his hair. "Well then, I'll have you know I enjoyed your little speech before you went down on me." Eiji smiled and fluffed Ash's hair. "Only one who will ever get you again? That's powerful stuff, baby. I was too blissed out then to respond...but just know I loved that."
A small smile crept onto Ash's face as Eiji continued to play with his hair. It was grounding and Eiji knew that, and more importantly, Ash knew that Eiji knew that.
"And ya know what's even better?" Eiji continued.
"What's that?" Ash asked curiously.
"You're the only one who ever has and ever will get me."
Of course, Ash already knew that, but the gravity of the words still flipped his stomach.
Ash grasped the hand in his hair and pulled it to his lips. He gently kissed Eiji's fingertips. "Now that's powerful shit, lovely."
Eiji continued to talk about whatever his tired mind could think of. Eventually, both boys could hardly keep their eyes open.
"Okay, I think I'm alright now," Ash said at long last. "You can clean us up now."
Eiji did, and it turned out to be a much easier task when they weren't so sensitive anyway. Eiji slipped into a shirt and boxers and threw Ash a pair of boxers as well. Then, despite his tired limbs and dry eyes, he decided to change the bedsheets which were wet in multiple spots.
"Thank you, Eiji," Ash said softly as he helped secure the fitted sheet on the massive bed. "I've never said it, but you may have guessed...sleeping in my own filth is really triggering."
Oftentimes, Dino would use him on a different bed than he slept in...otherwise known as Ash's bed. Come morning, there were servants to fix the rooms, so Ash often avoided cleaning the mess himself. But sleeping in the mess was traumatic, so most nights, Ash slept at the foot of the bed or on the floor. He said none of this to Eiji. Instead, he kept his words purposefully vague.
Eiji nodded in understanding, "I know, Ash."
With the fresh sheets on, they climbed into bed and nestled under their blankets.
"Ash?" Eiji whispered into the darkness before Ash could drift to sleep.
"Hmm?"
"If you wake up in the middle of the night feeling dreamy and panicked, please wake me."
"It is the middle of the night already," he joked.
Eiji rolled towards him and glared at him in the darkness. "Ash."
"Sorry. I will."
"Even if you think I look peaceful or like I'm dreaming. You wake me, okay? Because I never want to find you soaking wet and tormented on the curb ever again. If the feeling returns, please wake me."
"Okay. I promise, Eiji, I will."
Ash meant the words he spoke, but thankfully, he didn't have to prove that. Exhausted, and very much in love, they slept peacefully through the night.