Winter of the White Wolf

Chapter 31 - Hope

It wasn't as if waiting up for Bucky caused Sam any undue anxiety. It was just that after seeing him pale and half-frozen for a chunk of the afternoon, part of Sam insisted that seeing his friend alive and well would have been a nice reassurance that his recovery was heading in the right direction, and that he wasn't passed out in some alleyway in the Golden City.

Sight unseen, he felt mostly certain Bucky was doing fine. It wasn't like he hadn't been checking-in on his vitals every few minutes like some sort of overprotective mother hen since he'd gone out. And he certainly hadn't logged a fair number of the readings onto his laptop so he was able to chart how the numbers were trending over time. But that being as it was, he'd have been lying to himself if he didn't feel at least a little bit better when he noticed Bucky's location tracker finally started heading back towards his direction at an easy pace.

Of course Sam made sure to discreetly relocate his wrist comms so it was nestled back inside the case with the rest of his suit, and not sitting on his lap like it'd been for the better part of an hour and a half. He also turned on the television and flipped the channel to something science-y to give the room some low-key ambiance that made it seem like he'd been doing something other than sitting in damn-near silence worrying, well not worrying - being proper vigilant - while he took turns rotating between reading a plethora of Wakanda's homespun Wikipedia articles that Bucky'd set up on his laptop and glancing at that tracker.

He felt his whole body relax when a knock finally came at the door. He might have even mouthed a silent thanks to the almighty he hopped off the couch and crossed the room to answer it. Not too fast, though. He didn't want Bucky getting it in his mind that he'd been hovering at the door like an overprotective parent on prom night.

Sam had his suspicions about what Bucky might've been up to while he was out, but when the door opened to reveal his friend looking all healthy-colored and holding, of all things, a leather-bound book in the crook of his elbow and two flowers in his hand, he felt himself raise an eyebrow.

Bucky not only looked himself, but for lack of a better term, more at-ease than Sam'd seen all day.

"Can I come in, or is there a reason you're standing there doing the staring thing?" Bucky inquired.

"I wasn't doing the staring thing," Sam deflected, stepping back so Bucky could enter. He closed the door behind him and made it a point to smoothly turn off the television like it was no big deal, "Just glad to see you're looking okay. What's with the flowers?"

"Flowers of remembrance," Bucky said simply as he handed a single stem to Sam, "courtesy of Nomble. It's a Queen of the Night lily if you want to get specific."

Sam was sure he must have made a very particular expression with his face at that as he eyed the black flower with its red tips, but Bucky was quick to elaborate, "It's a custom here. They're given to people who are in mourning. I gave Nomble a bouquet of them, and then she turned around and gave us each a stem as a gesture of support for our own grief."

"That was very nice of her," Sam managed to use his words as he regarded the flower. He wasn't altogether sure in that moment if anyone had ever actually given him a flower. There was a connection way in the back of his mind that flowers were, well, gendered things. Or at-best, the sort of things you gave as a token of romance or affection. Flipping that symbolism around was more than a little foreign, but it wasn't completely alien. Holding it had a way of making him reflective, and he wasn't sure exactly how he felt about that. He'd barely said more than a few sentences to Nomble in the time he'd been around her, yet she'd thought to ask Bucky to pass a flower along to him? Huh. "How did things go?"

"Better than expected," Bucky admitted as he placed his own stem down on the nearest dresser and laid the book he was carrying beside it. Sam couldn't read the title on account of it probably being in Wakandan by the looks of it, but the cover had a dragon wrapped around what looked like a keyboard. He didn't have words for just how much of an absolute nerd this guy was.

Super Serum-ed Bookworm continued, "I'm not sure what I was hoping for other than the opportunity for her to hear me out. Nomble is… she can be pretty guarded about what she's feeling, but she's also one of the most direct people I've ever met. So if she's not working and you can get her talking, it's pretty easy to know where you stand with her. It was a bit touch and go at first, but by the end it felt like we got to a good place. A healing place. That was more than I expected out of tonight for sure."

"I'm glad to hear it. Those recordings were… rough."

Bucky nodded and took it upon himself to locate a glass and he stepped into the bathroom for a moment to fill it with water, returning it to the dresser and placing his flower's stem in it. He sat on the furthest bed, the one that was up against his little nest on the floor, as he regarded the flower thoughtfully, "I'm glad you said something. About those messages, I mean. I'm assuming she… mentioned them when I was under?"

"Sort of," Sam admitted, placing his own flower in the makeshift vase, "She doesn't say much, but she said something about you not coming back to Wakanda to mourn with them. Seemed too important to remain unsaid between you two."

"I wish I'd found out earlier," Bucky admitted with a sigh, "but we both know that's squarely on me." He shook his head, "I just had no idea what-all she'd gone through. She lost her mother and brother, the last of her immediate family, and one of her closest friends within the timespan of the Decimation, give or take a couple days. Can you imagine?"

Sam didn't want to, but he could.

"That's awful," Sam admitted, "I got lucky that Sarah and the boys were still around when we got out. Older, which was weird, but around."

He realized that he might've had all sorts of misconceptions about Bucky's time in Wakanda before the Snap, but it wasn't as if Bucky had a clear view into his life then either, so he saw fit to volunteer, "I'd been on the run for the better part of two years before that, so I hadn't even seen her leading-up to the Battle for Wakanda. So for her, it was seven years. Seven long years. She'd later tell me the only reason she thought to know I was doin' okay was that the news would keep up with if I was imprisoned or on the run."

Bucky frowned, "I still feel bad you got caught up in all that."

Sam offered an easygoing shrug that certainly didn't convey the whole story of those long years, but he also didn't need Bucky going down some hole of guilt that any of that was his fault, "Zemo started that shit, not you. Getting involved was the right thing to do. You know better than me that the stuff with the other Winter Soldiers could have gone all-sorts of sideways. I just wish Ross was less of an asshole and that we'd been able to get pardons sooner." He caught a glance at the black lilies and forced himself back to what he'd been meaning to say before his tangent, "Anyway, I can't imagine what it would have been like to get dusted and come back to find your family and friends are just… gone. The kind you don't come back from."

"Yeah," Bucky agreed, sighing as he swung his feet up on the bed and repositioned himself so he was leaning against the headboard. It was obvious as anything to Sam that he still had more he was searching to say, so he gave him the time he needed to continue, "Nomble said she'd come to consider me her adopted brother. That's not the sort of thing you say lightly out here, so I'm still sort of… processing that." he clarified. "In any other circumstance, that might've been an incredibly moving thing to be told, but given the circumstances, it just made me feel like such an idiot. Like there I was, over in Brooklyn feeling sorry for myself and dodging them and telling myself they'd only helped me out of obligation to Steve, when apparently Nomble viewed me as actual kin?" He leaned his head back and looked up at the ceiling, "I'm a real piece of work."

"But you two talked though, right? I mean, I'm assuming Nomble actually talks."

Bucky snorted, "Yeah, she talks. She just draws a clean line between who she is at work, and who she is outside of that. I don't know if I'd call her chatty, that's more Shuri's realm, but if you get Nomble talking about a topic she's interested in, off she goes! She does a lot of reading, but also made it a point to host a lot of gatherings and get-togethers. Sometimes they were family affairs, other times she'd invite other Doras, members of the King's Guard, or people she or her brother knew. Just the thought of her going from that busy house to being on her own in the timespan of a few snaps is just… staggering."

Sam was having trouble imagining much of that based on what he'd seen firsthand, but he went along with the picture of a person Bucky was making an effort to weave, "So the book's from her too?"

"Yeah. A loaner," a smile crooked the corner of Bucky's mouth, "She got me back into reading. I'd fallen out of the habit for obvious reasons, but even once I was away from HYDRA and out here, it's like it took a bit for my brain to process stories in the same way that I used to. I could read the text, obviously, but the part where you step past the prose and into the story, using that part of your brain that imagines scenes and things: I couldn't do that initially. Nomble made it a personal mission to try and push through. Once she did, I felt like I was making up for lost time."

Bucky looked thoughtful as he continued, "I read a lot growing up, but it was mostly Western stuff. I was only fluent in English, and passable in Hebrew and a little Yiddish. Suddenly I came out of all those years and I was up to a little over two dozen languages, give or take. Add to that Wakandan, Yoruba, Hausa, and some other regional African dialects and suddenly it was like I was some walking Rosetta Stone. It was incredible. I could read and understand all sorts of texts in their original forms. Music too."

Now on one hand: None of this was factually-new information to Sam. He knew Bucky spoke more than one language, and he'd heard the man say that those other Winter Soldiers were fluent in more than thirty languages. Yet he'd never put two-and-two together that it meant that all those years being under HYDRA's heel would have granted him a fraction of a boon towards a hobby he genuinely enjoyed.

Bucky continued, "The moment Nomble put that together, we might as well have had an unofficial book club, because she had a whole treasure-trove of books she insisted were required reading. I returned the favor by sharing some of my favorites from way-back. Once we got past those, we just kept going, trying to one-up each other with new finds or books we thought especially suitable to each other's tastes." He snorted lightly, "I know she doesn't talk much when she's working, but she's fluent in at least half the languages I was in my prime."

"Was?" Sam caught the past-tense.

Bucky's tone shifted from pleasant and reflective to something more tentative, "Some of that's faded too," he admitted, "Part of me wants to chalk it up to 'use it or lose it,' you know? But then sometimes I have one of those dreams and for a while after it's all still there, so I don't know anymore. It might be related to this stuff Shuri's looking into. Anyway..." He redirected the conversation away from tomorrow's worries before he could dwell on them any longer, "I promised Nomble I'd be better about keeping in touch. I was thinking on the way back here about how you spend a little time most evenings keeping tabs on Sarah, the boys, Torres, and some of the Avengers. I think I'm going to try to take your example and do that too."

That got a reaction out of Sam. It wasn't that Bucky was bad with tech by any means, but the thought of him making a decided effort to regularly leverage his phone, or beads, or whatever to reach out on his own… that was a big deal, "You're serious." Sam observed.

"Of course I'm serious," Bucky countered, slightly offended, "It isn't my thing, you know?" He rotated his torso so he was leaning his good shoulder against the headboard as he faced Sam. "Look, when I was growing up, yes phones were invented, yes we had paper mail, but most times if you wanted to talk to someone, you'd just… go walk over and see them. Even when I was here, there wasn't much reason to try to have any long correspondence with someone I could just go talk to in person when we were both free. But I'm obviously realizing now that if I want to be better about this stuff, particularly with people on different continents, It's on me to put in the effort, even if I'd prefer to converse in person rather than using tech as a go-between. Speaking of which: did you do your nightly circuit while I was out?"

Sam resisted the urge to make light of Bucky's renewed desire to not be a dead-end where tech communication was concerned, "I saved Sarah and the boys for when you got back. I texted her earlier to let her know we'd give her a ring before we went to bed. The time zones are a mess anyway, and this time of day, the later it is here the better it is for her, relatively speaking."

Bucky's face scrunched a little and he bit his lip, "I'm not saying to lie to your sister but… do you think we could keep my stuff on the downlow for a bit until we know more? I don't want her worrying over what could amount to nothing."

"Yeah, of course," Sam agreed. He'd already assumed that would be their default approach. If Sarah knew about even a tenth of the dangers their job entailed, it wouldn't do anything but add undue stress she could do nothing about. "The medical stuff's your business. I'm not bringing it up to her or any of the Avengers either, or… whatever it is we're calling ourselves now."

Bucky offered him a nod as if he was satisfied by the answer, "Thanks. I was thinking I'd start going through some of those recordings from the Decimation for a bit before bed. Did you want to…?" he started.

"I can put on my headphones and do my own thing in the other room if you'd like some privacy," Sam offered.

Apparently that wasn't what Bucky was getting at, because his friend's face twisted a bit as he clarified, "...I'd honestly appreciate the company. If you are up for it, I mean." He swallowed, his voice wavering as he spoke, "I'm realizing some of the people that left me messages… you're never going to have the opportunity to meet them. And… it would mean a lot if you…" his words slowed to a halt and Sam saw fit to step in and spare him from having to explain any further.

"Of course, Buck."

The man in question resorted to breathing in and out a few times in a feeble attempt to catch his breath and stave off the emotion of it all. Sam knew this wasn't going to be an easy watch, but it meant a lot that Bucky was willing to share this part of his life with him. It was clear as anything that this place and its people were a lot more important to Bucky than either of them had given them credit for, and this in particular was immensely personal.

Sam volunteered his own perspective, "I can honestly say up until the last day or so that I probably didn't spend nearly enough time thinking about the Decimation and how it impacted the people we know, Sarah and my nephews included. It's important for me to try to bridge the gap and understand what they went through too. Because frankly? I'm probably just as blind to it."

Bucky nodded and glanced back to the makeshift vase and the two dark flowers sticking out of it before he saw fit to shuffle over to one side of the bed. He propped up a pillow vertically beside him, as if inviting Sam to take a seat beside him.

It was better than the floor, at least.

Sam stepped off his bed and situated himself next to Bucky's right on top of the comforter so that the projection would be between them. Bucky, for his part, was doing a damn good job of using those blue eyes of his to try and communicate telepathically with the Kimoyo Beads and their secrets that lay hidden around his wrist.

"For what it's worth," Sam volunteered, "I think you should be proud of yourself for trying to face this stuff head-on. I know it isn't easy."

"It isn't," he confirmed, "But I've spent enough of my life fighting other people, fighting to do the right thing, or just fighting to survive. It would be a waste to give up now and not fight for people that matter, especially when they didn't give up on me."

Sam nodded and sat back against the pillow to get comfortable, "How are you planning to go through them? The messages, I mean."

"I was thinking chronological. I can put on the translations for you since I'm assuming not all of the recordings are in English. Would you prefer audio or subtitles?"

"How about subtitles?" Sam offered. He appreciated Bucky's willingness for him to understand, but it seemed wrong to cover over the actual voices of these people with an English dub just for his benefit.

"Okay," Bucky said as he held up his wrist palm-up and made some quick gestures with his fingers and thumb to toggle the UI on and enter a projected menu that showed an assortment of different animated thumbnails and a varied cast of solemn faces. He took a deep breath, and Sam caught that his fingers were still trembling.

This time, it probably wasn't from the cold.

"You got this," Sam said, squeezing his friend's shoulder reassuringly.

Bucky swallowed and took another breath, "No time like the present," and pressed play on a recording left days after the first Snap.

The first face they were met with was Ayo. She was dressed in the garb of a Dora Milaje and by the looks of it, was somewhere inside the Wakandan Design Center. Her face was hard, but her eyes were strangely emotive, "The scientists, they say they've set up storage to receive these recordings, but it is strange to know the signals remain in the ether with all of Vanished. I… I know it would be good for me to imagine I am simply leaving you a message, but it is hard knowing you and the others are not there."

"We are joining the rest of the world in a census, but it seems Thanos delivered on his vile promise and took away half of all sentient life. We do not know what became of them, for it was not death. Hearing the threat of such a thing was certainly enough to spurn us into motion, but seeing it first hand… it is… unlike anything I've ever seen." She glanced around her, but continued, "We aren't sure what to believe. There is argument if you and the others are dead, or if what was done can be undone. I choose to believe the latter. I choose to imagine you are with T'Challa, Shuri, Nomble, and the others and that we will find a way to reunite in time."

"There has already been so much death. So much mourning. They have people now whose only job is to try to arrange the timing of funerals because there are too many at once, and in some cases, those that would help see to arranging them are gone or with the ancestors as well."

Her face trembled with underlying emotion as she spoke, "The Dora Milaje and King's Guard have seen to our own, Tasdi among them. It was a beautiful ceremony, but it felt so very empty with so many missing faces. Yama took some photos of the setting and said she will share them with you so that you and the others can feel you were present once you're back with us."

Ayo took a long breath to ground herself before she continued, "Okoye has her hands overflowing since King T'Challa was taken with the other Vanished. The General and the remaining King's Guard watch over Queen Ramonda until we know what to do next. Even M'Baku has said this is the time for understanding what has happened, not another challenge. The other tribes agree this unprecedented event is not proof that our king is dead."

There was a long silence before she added, "I hope this message finds you, White Wolf. You are not forgotten."

Bucky kept his head facing forward as he immediately played the next message. It began with Yama in plain clothes sitting out in a field somewhere as she did her best to recount Tsadi's recent funeral. As she spoke, she shared a few photos she'd taken of either the set-up or aftermath of the event. They were spared candid photos, but there were a few photos of people lined up as they posed for the camera looking immensely somber.

Yama was obviously uncomfortable, and midway through her firsthand account she candidly added, "This may be the longest I have gone without crying this week. It is not that I am not sad, I simply have nothing left. All of us are drained dry. There is nothing I wish more than to wake up and find this is all a dream." She started to say something else, but put her hand over her face and ended the message.

"Christ," Sam muttered under his breath.

Bucky made a gesture with his hand to toss the projection a few feet further in front of them and lowered his hand back to his side as the next recording automatically played. It was Ayo again, but she was wearing casual clothing and looked to be sitting out in the dark in what looked to be a more natural setting. "General Okoye, Queen Ramonda, and Yama send their regards. With both you and Shuri among the Vanished, I search for new purpose as well. I only wish there was more I could do to find out what became of you and how to reverse it. Okoye speaks of combining affairs with the Avengers that remain in order to search for a cure for what has happened. When we sought to open Wakanda to the world, we did not know this would be what awaited us."

Other recordings came and went until one appeared with someone Sam didn't recognize. Before the man could say a word, Bucky quietly breathed, "M'Bahi. Nomble's late brother." Sam felt his chest tighten as the man began speaking in Wakandan, and he followed along with the subtitles.

"Ah, Brother Wolf. It has been a terrible month. I hope you will not judge me but have only now started to leave messages for you, Nomble, and others. I simply do not know what to say. My natural way is to try to bring levity with my words, but it seems inappropriate after all that has happened. I'm not sure I've seen a single smile except on the faces of babies and lucky younglings that are too small to understand. The rest of us? We persist, because it is all we can do."

"The streets of the city are quiet, and our home is filled with the absence of joy, for both of our little ones were taken to the Vanished Lands with you. I hope you are watching over one-another. Sitting and telling stories. It brings me some amount of peace to know they are not alone. We will do all we can to reunite with you, yes? Stay strong."

Sam hadn't heard Bucky speak for the better part of thirty minutes, so the sound of his raw voice nearly startled him, "He died in the Battle of Earth. He probably didn't even get to see his kids again."

Sam didn't have anything to say to that, other than it made him feel awfully reflective and more than a little emotional about Sarah and his own nephews. It had been easy for him, well, relatively speaking, to jump back into the fray the moment he'd come to after the second snap.

It was like no time had passed at all.

The first person he'd seen was Bucky, who looked just as confused as he was about where everyone had gotten off to and what'd happened to the rifle he'd just been holding. King T'Challa caught sight of the two of them and had hollered for their attention and they'd called out for the others. By the time they managed to find a justifiably distressed Wanda, Groot, and the others, some wizard stepped through a genuine magic portal and insisted that they had to get a move on because Thanos was back and the Avengers needed their help. Now.

Within minutes, they'd hurried over and met back up with the forces that'd been dusted along with them at the Battle of Wakanda. Then reinforcements started arriving. It all happened so fast, and there was so much confusion, but the basics were clear: Thanos had apparently won round one, five years had passed, and they were about to get a second shot. They couldn't fail.

This was the endgame.

So sure, people like Sam and Bucky, T'Challa, Wanda, and Nomble had all gone swiftly from one fight into another, because that was just what needed done. But Sam had never stopped to think, to really think about how there'd been people like Nomble's brother who'd answered the call out of the blue and had jumped into action to help, even if it meant they were denied the opportunity to even see the faces of the people they were fighting for.

It was a staggeringly awful, awful thought.

Speaking of which: Wanda hadn't been returning any of his messages since Tony's funeral either. He made a mental note to send her another check-in. Hopefully she was just taking the time she needed and was holding up okay, after, well, that.

Bucky didn't say anything more as another recording with Ayo followed, detailing updates about what was happening with the rest of the world, as well as what Okoye had told her about the Avengers that had survived what they were now calling the Great Decimation. "They send their regards," Ayo noted, "Each and every one, including your Steve, feel it was their failing. They've made a word for this that we are in: grieving without certainty of death."

The recording that followed that was from Okoye herself. She spoke with frustration that some of the Avengers had located the Mad Titan, only to have discovered he'd already destroyed the Infinity Stones. Apparently Thor had decapitated him (a detail Sam found he definitely didn't need), and the end result had simply been that… for some, for many, that was the end of their fight. That hope went away with the stones themselves. "I do not know what awaits us," Okoye spoke candidly in the recording, "But it is not yet time to believe that all hope is lost."

Next came recordings of Mamma, who took "Bucky" on a tour of the kitchens and shared videos of the foods she'd been making, as well as a brief tour of the nearby streets, which were painfully bare. "Food is a language we need more than ever," she said, "Too many stay hidden in their homes, suffering in silence. Our home is quiet too without Ch'toa, but I've started making little care packages of meals and pastries and visiting people nearby to talk together. It has been good medicine. I think of you whenever I prepare that marmalade you always favored."

There were kids Sam didn't recognize that updated Bucky about their latest lessons and hijinks in fluent English, as well as numerous recordings of Yama, who came to use the recordings less as a confessional journal, and more of a way to share things she thought Bucky might enjoy. There were updates about her favorite restaurants from Wakanda as well as her travels to nearby countries, videos of dogs, cats, and even a tame rhinoceros that ate an apple right out of her hand. She shared snapshots of stunning sunsets, animals doing tricks, and a plethora of short videos about a cast of goats with resoundingly English names.

"I notice 'Sam' is the black goat," Human Sam coolly observed.

"I didn't name him that because of his color," Bucky insisted, "Do you see how high he is in that tree? That jerk would climb so far up we practically had to bribe him to come down. It was like he was training us. Like it was some game. One time we spent the better part of an hour getting him down, and as soon as he had all four hooves on the ground, he headbutted me, the ingrate."

The recordings continued as unseen months passed. Ayo offered ongoing updates, while others made the occasional appearance when something reminded them of Bucky, or when certain anniversaries or important dates came around.

M'Bahi's appearances became more frequent as his mother's health declined, and he confided in Bucky that he wasn't sure what to do without Nomble there to guide him. Sam didn't see a lot of their mother, but the few times he did, he got a feeling deep in his gut that she'd been the sort of person he'd have gotten along well with, had they had the opportunity to meet.

From beside him, he could hear Bucky making quiet choking noises as the story of her life came to a close, and Sam took Bucky's hand and squeezed it in shared compassion.

M'Bahi did what he could to convey fond memories of their time together long distance. Some of the stories were lighthearted, even sweet, but his eyes were red as he spoke, "She asked about you, you know? She said she missed playing piano with her second right-hand." M'Bahi sighed as he added, "She is at peace now, though. I don't know if you will see her, and I don't wish you to, but I hope you, Nomble, and the boys are doing okay. You are missed so very much, Black Wolf." His face held a bit of a sad smile in it, as if it was an inside joke between the two.

Time continued to pass and updates became less frequent until certain faces stopped showing up altogether. Sam found he could tell when it was coming, though, because usually the last update they offered was something of a sweet goodbye tendered with apologies that it was time for them to step away and grieve and accept the inevitable truth.

Yama's final message was particularly touching as she sat surrounded by the goats Bucky'd named, the nearest one looked over her shoulder at the camera, "I am too stubborn to believe there is no hope, but I know it will not be me that finds a way to undo the Decimation. But what I can do is to try to be useful, so I've decided to start training as I can to learn more about our sciences and medicines." There was solemn resolve in her voice as she spoke, "It would be good to understand more, as Shuri did, and I would like to aid others. Hopefully when you are back, I can be one to help see to your needs. That way that dull assistant of Shuri's can stop making you suffer each time he tries to find your veins." Yama sighed as she regarded the camera with the weight of someone who wasn't sure if this was to be goodbye, "I will check in with the Screaming Avengers as I can, and will have many photos waiting for all of you." She leaned her wrist out as far as she could to capture a wide shot of herself waving at the camera and as many goats as possible before she ended the recording.

Even after Yama signed off, Ayo's messages continued. They were journal-like in their detail and candor, and as each one would come to a close, she'd repeat how she still had hope, even if those around her had finally given up and chosen it was time instead to grieve and move on, "I do not judge them, or I try not to," Ayo said as she sat alone at what very much could have been Mamma and Ch'toa's restaurant, "but it is not time yet for me to grieve, not when there is language yet for hope. For 'ithemba elingunaphakade. Hope eternal. I hope this message reaches through the unknown and finds you safe. You are not forgotten, White Wolf."

The recordings came to a stop and returned to the main menu with the thumbnails, "That's the last recording taken during the Decimation," Bucky managed, his voice barely a whisper.

"That was also less than a week before the Battle for Earth," Sam observed from beside him.

"...I think that's all I have in me for tonight," Bucky confessed hollowly as he closed down the holographic overlay and promptly hopped off the bed and made tracks straight towards the bathroom, "I'm… I'm gonna go wash my face."

"Yeah, sure," Sam dully responded. What he actually wanted to say was he wasn't sure if at any point in his life, that he wanted so much to simply rush home and hug Sarah, Cass, and AJ until his arms gave out.

When Bucky closed the door behind him, Sam put his own head in his hands and just let himself feel. He'd imagined what it might've been like for them, but nothing like this. The clock said it'd only been three hours and change, but he felt like he'd aged five years in that time, and in some ways: he had.

He could still hear the water running in the other room as he found a tissue and blew his nose. He was pretty sure the water was only on in a feeble attempt to drown out whatever awful sobbing noises Bucky was making in there. God. That was… that was a lot.

After the better part of ten or fifteen minutes, he reappeared. When he did, Bucky's eyes were red and raw with emotion and Sam was sure his own were a matching set. He didn't have a clue what he was supposed to say, and by the looks of it, Bucky was numbed by the same problem. He just stood there, a few steps out from the doorway, staring at the book and those black flowers with that emotive face of his.

"I didn't get it," he spoke out loud to the room, "I thought I understood near as much as I could, but I didn't even come close. How can we?"

"It's not just you, Buck," Sam had the wherewithal to confess. "Believe me: It's not just you."

Bucky silently nodded and walked over and sat on the floor, back in that stupid, sorry brooding spot of his. He rested his back against the wall and kept his eyes on the ceiling as he spoke, "I want to do right by them, Sam, but I don't know how to repay all that. Especially Ayo."

Sam was thinking the same thing about Sarah and others he probably hadn't said 'thank you' to near-enough. Shit: Half the damn population had gone through something close to that? It put a lot more in perspective, that was for damn sure.

And bless Bucky Barnes for whatever was running through him, because the next thing Sam knew, his friend was fiddling with the Kimoyo Beads along his wrist. For a moment, he was pretty sure he was sending a message, which: good on him, he was sure the Wakandans would appreciate him reaching out to bridge the gap.

But instead Sam watched the light of the beads blink and illuminate the room for a moment. After three blinks, the vibranium pooled into Bucky's outstretched palm and formed into the head and torso of none-other than Ayo, who was still wearing her Dora Milaje ensemble even though it was well past midnight. Sam wasn't an expert at reading her expression, but his best guess was that she had been taken by surprise by Bucky's call.

"Ayo," Bucky started, tumbling over his words, and then coming to a sudden stall in whatever he'd planned to say, "Wait, are you still working?"

"I am here with Shuri," Wakanda's Chief of Security stated evenly.

Sam could overhear Shuri from somewhere in the background, "You can tell James that when I said we would talk tomorrow, I did not mean when the day turned over."

"I wasn't calling to bug Shuri," Bucky clarified, though by Ayo's expression, it was clear she believed him, "And I know you're working and need to focus, I thought maybe you were off but, I just… I watched the videos from the Decimation. All of them. I… I don't even know what to say because I know words only do so much when trust has been broken."

Bucky managed to take a breath somewhere in there as he spoke directly from gut to mouth, "I took all of you for granted. And I just wanted to say it means more than you can possibly imagine that you didn't give up on me then or now. I still have hope for us too. If it takes five years, ten, more: I'll keep trying to get through to you and make things right between us."

Sam's eyes were definitely misty in the corners at some combination of his guilt about Sarah and the powerful truth and overflowing conviction from Bucky's own words. Even the weird vibranium assembly of Ayo's expression conveyed that his plea didn't fall on deaf ears. She kept her face measured, even, but there was emotion in those eyes of hers, and it wasn't anger. She took a slow breath before replying, "We can talk more tomorrow when I am not guarding our royal princess."

"Yeah, of course," Bucky said quickly, getting her drift, "I just… I needed you to know."

"I have heard you," Ayo reassured him before adding with a Dora's precise candor, "And I have hope as well." Her tone shifted to something almost maternal, "Now go and get some rest. Your body still needs to recover from the cryo"

Shuri's voice reappeared from the background once more, "Do not take the short naps you do to dodge dreams as well as a full night's sleep! Your body needs it. All the way through. If Sam is there, tell him that if he sees you try to set alarms so that you take only brief naps, that he should message me, and I will take the matter into my own hands."

"Fine fine, message received," Bucky defended.

By his tone, it was clear-as-day to Sam that it had actually been Bucky's original plan.

"We will talk again in the morning," Ayo's figure stated with a tip of her head, "Rest well, Ingcuka Eneenkani."

Bucky made a quizzical face at that last part, but responded, "Thanks again to you both for staying up late on my account. I hope you sleep well when you do," Bucky closed down the call and took a deep breath before he spoke aloud to the room, "Sorry, I had to make that call before I lost my nerve completely."

"No need to apologize. What was that last bit Ayo said?" Sam inquired.

"She called me 'Stubborn Wolf,'" Bucky clarified from his spot on the ground.

"That's good, right?"

"It's progress," Bucky confirmed. "She used to call me that when she was trying to teach me a lesson." He paused, rolling the statement around in his head, "I suppose that sentiment applies here too."

Bucky looked up from where he sat on the ground, "You think it's still an okay time to check in with the family?"

There was something altogether sweet about the fact that Bucky's head had gone straight from one adopted family of his to the next.

Considering how late it was here in the land of lions and gazelles and cafeteria drones, it would still be a fine early evening sprawl back in Delacroix, "Yeah, we're good. Sarah said she spent the afternoon doin' some science experiments with the kids to take their minds off that stuff from earlier. I'm gonna let them take the lead on what they want to talk about."

"Absolutely," Bucky agreed without hesitation.

"And it's fine if we're sleeping on the floor again tonight if that's what suits you, but you better get your tail back up here because I'm staying right where I am for the call. This is the comfiest spot I've been all day."

Bucky snorted and hopped back into the bed and tucked a pillow between his back and the headboard.

"-And I'll totally tattle on you if I see you so much as set an alarm to interrupt your beauty rest," Sam added for good measure as he reached for his phone and called his sister.

The moment Sarah picked up and he saw her face, he couldn't help but think it was one of the more genuinely wonderful things he'd seen in his life. He found himself smiling as he led the conversation with, "Missed you, Sis. We are both so happy to see you…"

Author's Remarks:

First off, I just want to thank you for all the kind words and gestures of support for the last chapter. It means a lot to me to be able to not only share an exploration of grief, but to learn more about what some of you have gone through. It is such a universal experience, and my heart goes out to all of you who have felt those crushing waves at any point in your lives. You are not alone.

As far as this chapter goes:

It brings me this strange amount of joy to imagine Bucky in Wakanda finally able to start to picture stories in his head, and then the realization slowly dawning on him that now that he knows so many more languages than he once did... all the opportunities for reading that opens up.

As a result of this headcanon of mine: I imagine that once Bucky was starting to get his mind together, that he was around Nomble when he discovered there were other books by J.R.R. Tolkien, and that after she'd consumed "The Hobbit," the two of them read the "Lord of the Rings" Trilogy in tandem, eagerly sharing the experience as they went. And that would have later led to a viewing party for the movies, which would have been a big social event for sure.

And did the lot of them perhaps dress up as characters for a costume party at some point in the future? Oh, I can imagine it! :)

In regards to the heavier stuff:

I've now also shared a bit of what I imagine happened in Wakanda during the Decimation. I've no idea if any of that will align with MCU canon when we see what "Wakanda Forever" has in store for us next year, but it seemed like the logical flow of events in my mind's eye.

While I cannot say we are truly done with undercurrents of angst, we are close to turning a corner back to the international adventure at-hand...

As always: Thank you so much for all your comments, kudos, and kind words of support on this story. It means so much to me to know others out there are enjoying it, and finding various characters, experiences, and/or emotions relatable.