Chapter Fifty-Eight: Plunge

The fish were beautiful. Whether they swam by in brightly-colored schools or slowly one by one, they were gorgeous. So was the way the light streamed through the water, reflecting off the rocks and coral. And the turtles were precious. The way they seemed to fly through the water effortlessly was something to be marveled at. But none of it really compared to Eiji, and Ash knew he was being a sap for even thinking such a cliche thought, but it was his honeymoon and if you aren't allowed to be a sap on your honeymoon, then when are you?

A particularly friendly turtle was circling Eiji, studying him in a way Ash didn't know such creatures were capable. Eiji reached out a gentle hand to pat the turtle's head as if he were Buddy. Bubbles escaped the seal of the snorkel pressed against Eiji's mouth as laughter escaped him when the turtle nipped at Eiji's pointer finger. Eiji was lucky that Ash's snorkel prevented his typical teasing.

But then their eyes connected through the glass of their goggles and Eiji saw the teasing and admiration there in Ash's eyes. Eiji stuck out his tongue, dislodging his snorkel. More laughing bubbles escaped him. He swam to the water's surface, Ash followed.

"You spaz," Ash jeered, pulling his own snorkel from his mouth.

Eiji coughed between laughs. "Shut up."

When Eiji regained his breath, he examined the finger the turtle bit. "Those things are sharp. Felt like getting pecked by a chicken."

"You've been pecked by a chicken?"

"You haven't?"

"No, I have. I grew up on Cape Cod, remember. There's farmland there."

"So you just thought I wouldn't have been?"

"Well, I haven't exactly seen a chicken in Izumo."

"We have them."

"Where? Petting zoos?"

Eiji pouted with puffed cheeks. "Maybe." His pretend anger didn't last long, soon breaking into a smile and then a laugh. "Asshole!" He splashed Ash and was instantly met with a scolding glare from one of the resort employees.

"If you're not gonna snorkel, there are plenty of people waiting for a turn," the employee huffed.

Eiji's eyes surveyed the groups of people waiting in nearby chairs for their turn in the King's Pond.

"He's just grumpy because he has to watch mushy couples be in love all day," Ash whispered to Eiji.

Eiji giggled, causing the employee to squint with suspicion in their direction.

Eiji shoved Ash's shoulder lightly. "You're gonna get us thrown out."

"Am I wrong?" He asked in a normal tone of voice.

"Maybe not but do you really have room to talk?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"New York Ash would probably hate watching us."

"New York Ash is dead."

Eiji's feet plunged into the sand, leaving shallow pits that quickly filled with the tide. He motioned almost violently for Ash to hurry up and join him. But Ash followed casually, one careful step at a time, shoes staying abreast the sand. He stopped when he reached the waterline, stepping back slightly as the tide tried to greet him. Eiji, on the other hand, ran carelessly into the water in heaping steps, never slowing even when the tide soaked the edges of his shorts. The shoes he'd abandoned in the sand now dangled from Ash's fingers.

"You'll just scare them away!" Ash called with a smile playing on his lips. "They're not ducks, you can't call them over with food!"

"Nuh-uh! They're coming closer! Look!"

And they were. It looked almost like a movie. The sun turned the water orange as it set, and a pod of curious dolphins ventured closer to the shore. They stopped before reaching Eiji, who at this point was up to his thighs in the ocean.

He held out his hands the way someone would for a cat or a dog, and to Ash's surprise one dolphin swam closer to study his hands. One would be mistaken to think Eiji'd learned his lesson from the turtle that morning. He reached out his hand and ran it down the dolphin's silky skin. But unlike the turtle, the dolphin didn't bite. Instead, it made small squeals of joy, causing two more to come forward.

Eiji looked over his shoulder to find Ash still on the shore. "Ash! Come on!"

He squinted into the sun. "Believe it or not, Eiji, I have no desire to swim with a fish nearly as big as me!" He kept the fact that dolphins had been known to…assault…humans to himself.

"They're not fish, they're mammals!" Eiji called back with a smile.

"I don't want to swim with a mammal as big as me either."

"You'd swim with Buddy!"

"Little Man has fur."

"And that somehow makes it better?"

"Yes," he replied without a second of hesitation.

"Well, that's silly!"

"Okay fine, then, it's silly." Ash snapped a picture of Eiji, shorts half-soaked, encircled by dolphins. "But I'm perfectly capable of appreciating them from afar."

The flash of Ash's phone spooked one of the dolphins, causing it to release a high-pitched squeal. Its tail broke through the water's surface, splashing Eiji directly in the face. And then they were off, swimming away as quickly as they'd come.

Eiji pouted, now soaked from head to toe, as Ash laughed.

"Asshole," Eiji muttered, shivering in the slight breeze.

Ash took another photo before shrugging off his jean jacket. He motioned for Eiji to retreat back to the shore and wrapped the denim around the shivering boy's shoulders.

"Let's go, you goof."

Eiji leaned into Ash's shoulder. "Can we order pizza?"

Ash pressed his lips sweetly to the top of Eiji's head. "'Kay."

Ash's phone chimed sometime around midnight. The sound seemed louder than usual in the quiet space. Ash peeled his eyes open. They'd fallen asleep on the couch, an empty pizza box and cans of soda lay at their feet. Eiji must have turned the TV off at some point. Ash checked the time. That's when he saw the notification that had awoken him.

An email.

"Mr. Ash Okumura I know my last message…"

Ash immediately unlocked his phone to read the rest of the message. He quietly slipped off the couch, stomach already beginning to churn. Silently, he stepped outside, not even bothering to grab a shirt.

He read the rest of the message.

"Mr. Ash Okumura, I know my last message gave you a lot to think about, but still, you are normally very quick to respond. Just checking to make sure you actually received it. I know not many people use faxes any more but I remembered what you said, about wanting to keep this a secret for now. I figured your family is more likely to see a phone notification than a fax. If you still need time to think, that's perfectly fine. Just let me know if you got it. Yui Sato."

"Fuck," Ash cursed under his breath.

"Fuck!"

The second curse was louder than he'd intended. His blond head pivoted back to the glass doors he slipped out of only moments before.

He couldn't see more than a few inches past the glass, but as far as he could tell Eiji was still sleeping.

Ash's eyes returned to the LED screen shining like a star in the night.

He instantly began to reply.

"I'm on my honeymoon, Sato. Who the fuck still sends faxes? What year do you fucking live in?! You should have asked! My husband's sister is house sitting! What if she sees whatever it is you sent!?"

For a moment he forgot everything Iku-san had taught him about counting to ten and not responding while angry.

He hit send.

Minutes later his phone rang.

"What did you send?!"

"Mista Okumura, I am-a so sorry," the woman began in heavily accented English.

Ash rolled his eyes and switched languages. [What was in that fax, Sato!?]

[It— options. A few options, none of them were ideal, but I—]

[Oh, that's just great! What if someone sees—]

He thought he heard movement inside. His head looked towards the glass doors. He couldn't see Eiji, but he couldn't see him before either. His head swiveled back towards the patio.

[Look, I can't talk about this now. Later. It'll all have to wait till later.] He hung up before she could say anything else.

"Fuck," he muttered again to himself. He sat on the edge of the pool, legs crossed beneath him, still dry.

"Ash?"

Ash turned to see Eiji standing in the doorway. Ash didn't know he could be so quiet.

"Eiji...sorry...I...couldn't sleep." His eyes returned to the pool water, watching it as its water glittered from the pool lights.

"Uh-huh," Eiji began skeptically. "Nightmare?"

"No." He tried to appear casual, making sure his shoulders bore no tension. "Just woke up and couldn't fall back asleep."

"You're not really gonna lie to me are you, Ash?" Eiji asked cooly as he sat beside him.

"No, Eiji, I really—"

Ash looked up from the water. Their eyes met.

"Yeah, I guess I was."

"I'm not deaf. I heard you on the phone."

Ash cringed, eyes closing and brows drawing closer together.

"Who's Sato?" Eiji's voice was chillingly calm.

Ash was quiet. The sound of crickets and cicadas and a few bugs new to their ears buzzed in the air. The water created gentle, peaceful sounds as it slapped rhythmically against the various filters that lined the pool.

"Ash?"

"Just a person." Ash sighed. "Not a lover. We've never even met. Not officially anyway. Just...something I'm looking into. It's nothing, Eiji, really."

"Not a lover?"

His calm facade cracked and crumbled away. Fear swam in Ash's stomach, crawled into his skin, and greeted Eiji when their eyes met again.

"God, Eiji, no! I—"

"It's okay, Ash, I know you wouldn't—"

"I wouldn't! Oh please, believe me, I really really wouldn't!" Suddenly he was on his knees, kneeling on the sharp ground of the patio, staring at Eiji with desperate, pleading eyes. "Eiji, please! I— I love you! And only you, swear to—"

"Woah, woah, woah, Ash."

Ash's chest was heaving with panicked breaths. Any hint of doubt that Eiji may have harbored was erased. Eiji clasped his hands over Ash's. "I believe you. Just breathe. It's all okay. Just breathe."

"I'm not cheating on you," he said in still labored breaths.

"I know, I know."

Ash pulled his hands from Eiji's. They ran through his hair and then wrapped around his own waist. He began to shiver, even though the air was pleasant, far from chilly, even in Ash's shirtless state.

And suddenly he was standing, hands returning to his hair, and then his throat, before settling on the base of his neck.

Ash's brain was on fire. The email and all it implied was bad enough. A fax had come to his printer while he was away. It was sitting there in the printer tray, possibly behind a closed office door, or possibly not. He didn't yet know what that letter said but he knew it couldn't be good. There was a good chance Miyuki had seen it, maybe even read it. Who was he kidding? If she saw it he knew she'd have read it. Not that it changed much for her to know, what could she do about it? She'd just end up feeling sorry for them. Maybe crying for them. Shit. Ash hated people feeling sorry for him, much less crying for him.

But to make it all worse, Eiji didn't know of Ash's digging. Because that's all it was, digging. He and Eiji had talked about it, they didn't want kids just yet. But Ash was a planner and he liked to think ahead, it was in his nature. And he had plenty of time on his hands. So he dug. He dug into a few different options, but he kept it all to himself, not because he didn't want Eiji to know, but because he didn't want to get his hopes up. He could handle his own disappointment if things didn't work out…but Eiji's? Not so much.

He was unraveling fast, Eiji could see it in his eyes. Eiji didn't understand his panic. Who, or what, could have elicited such a reaction? But he knew he had to do something, end it.

Eiji stood, calmly outstretching a hand towards Ash, but Ash flinched away. He opened his mouth to say something, but never got the chance.

Eiji did the first thing he could think of to break through the fear and panic. Or perhaps he did it without thinking at all, but it happened all the same.

Eiji stepped forward, stretched out his arms, and shoved Ash backward into the pool.

The smack of the water as Ash fell through it seemed outrageously loud. And then there was silence, even the chirping insects seemed to still.

For a moment Ash stayed beneath the water's surface. He sank slowly until his feet reached the bottom of the pool. Bubbles found their way from Ash's nostrils to the water's surface. With a bend of his knees, he propelled himself away from the cement pool bottom and crashed through the water once more.

Eiji kneeled anxiously on the side of the pool, watching Ash carefully.

Ash's legs cast strange shadows as he tread in the water, the pool light located directly behind him.

He caught his breath, rubbed the water from his eyes, and looked at Eiji. "Thanks." His voice was calm, yet raspy, and no longer filled with the same degree of panic that had inhabited it just moments ago.

Eiji exhaled a sigh of relief. Thank God he had trusted his instincts and took the plunge, or rather, made Ash take a plunge.

"Sorry," Eiji said calmly. "It was the first thing I thought of."

" 'Ts fine. It worked." He swam forward.

Eiji outstretched an arm, offering Ash his hand. Ash took his hand and climbed from the pool. Water soaked the pavement as Ash sat on the pool's edge beside Eiji.

Eiji stood. "I'll grab a towel."

Eiji disappeared inside and returned moments later with a beach towel that was still slightly damp from that afternoon.

"Sorry," Eiji wrapped the towel around Ash's shoulders, "It's only mostly dry."

Ash was silent. After a moment, he chuckled and nodded towards the water. "My phone's at the bottom of the fuckin' pool."

"Oh no, Ash, I'm⸺"

Ash shrugged off the beach towel around his shoulders and dove into the pool, collecting his phone from the bottom.

"It's waterproof…right?"

"Up to five feet or something like that." Ash hoisted himself out of the water. "Not eight." He tapped the power button but the screen remained black. "No, yeah, it's screwed."

"I'm sorry, Ash⸺"

"Sato's a damn surrogate," Ash interrupted, completely switching gears.

"What?"

"A surrogate. The woman on the phone. I contacted her a few weeks back…just to get some information, logistics, ya know, just in case that's something we consider in the future."

"Oh."

"I'd prove it to you but," he waved the soggy phone in his hand, "that's not really an option at the moment. But tomorrow, we can use the computer in the lobby and⸺"

"I meant it when I said I believed you, Ash. You're the one who said she's not a lover. That never even crossed my mind until you said it." Eiji twisted on the pavement and brought the towel back to Ash's shoulders when it became obvious he wasn't going to replace it himself.

Ash watched him with curious eyes. "You can be mad."

Eiji ran a hand down Ash's towel-clad back. "Why would I be mad?"

"Cuz we agreed on no secrets."

Eiji shrugged. "It's fine, Ash. I get it."

"Get what?"

"That you just didn't want to disappoint me if it doesn't pan out."

Ash couldn't help but smirk. "Pan out? Where'd you learn that one?"

Eiji's face flushed, "Movies? I don't know where it comes from, but that's always what people say in movies."

Ash's smirk turned into a smile. "Like panning for gold. That's where it comes from."

"Huh" He smiled softly. "Anyway, I get it, okay? You're always looking out for me. And I appreciate that, really…but I can handle tough things too. You don't have to deal with it all alone."

"I don't mind," Ash nearly whispered.

"But I do. I don't want you dealing with this all alone. That's not fair to you, Ash."

Ash nodded solemnly but remained quiet.

"So…" Eiji began, "what happened, then?"

"Huh?"

"On the phone? What's up? Something was obviously wrong?"

Ash groaned, face finding his hands. "Oh, it's so dumb, Eiji."

"What?"

"I told her I wasn't telling anyone about all this, cuz it's not something we want right now and I'm just planning ahead and whatever⸺ so she decided to fax me whatever information she has for me. Ya know, so you don't see a phone notification," he remarked sarcastically. "I mean really…A fax? Who the fuck uses faxes anymore?"

"Okkayyy…sooo?"

"So, apparently she sent something while we've been here. And I never responded so she was making sure I got the damn thing."

Eiji stared at Ash with searching eyes. "Sooo…I don't get it, why's that so bad?"

"Well Miyuki was in our office, cuz she just had to use the printer. And that means there's a good chance Miyuki saw whatever it is that the fax says…if it had already arrived."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"But maybe she hasn't seen it," Eiji offered, trying to sound optimistic.

"...Yeah."

"What did it say?"

"No clue. And now, I guess," he gestured with the phone again, "we won't know until we get home."

Eiji stared gravely at Ash but his expression turned to confusion as Ash began to chuckle and then that chuckle morphed into a genuine laugh.

"What?"

Ash continued to laugh, "What a fuckin' mess!"

A smile crept onto Eiji's face, "What a mess."

Ash hopped to his feet. He pointed at Eiji dramatically. "But it's not gonna ruin the rest of our trip!"

Eiji smiled up at Ash. "Cuz what does it matter anyway? Right?"

Ash snapped. "Exactly."

"And who knows, maybe the letter is good news."

Ash grabbed Eiji's forearm and pulled him up off the ground. His hands found the small of Eiji's back as he pulled him close, their bodies colliding. "Maybe it's good news." Ash agreed, even though he was doubtful.

"And whatever it is we'll be fine."

Ash smiled softly, "whatever it is we'll be fine."

Ash's sudden change in mood reminded Eiji of an English phrase he'd heard once on TV,'If you don't laugh, you'll cry.'

The following day Ash made the decision to not waste a day replacing his phone. Sato and whatever she had to say could wait. The world could wait. They carried on like nothing happened. Occasionally anxiety crept inside Ash's brain. Sometimes a simple shake of the head and a small distraction was all he needed to regroup. Once or twice it wasn't so simple, but Eiji was there to talk him through it each time.

The world would just have to wait.

And so they carried on. They went whale watching and horseback riding on a trail that wound through the mountains. They found a cute little gift shop to get souvenirs for the family. They ate out and drank golden liquids that made them dance around a bonfire at luau they spontaneously attended. Ash laughed when Eiji sang along in confident Japanese to a song clearly in Hawaiian. And Ash made sure he was sober enough to get them home in one piece. And the following day, Eiji nursed a hangover and Ash nursed his Eiji.

When it came time for them to leave, it was bittersweet. Vacation has a way of wearing you out and Eiji knew work awaited him back home. So, in that respect, he was ready to leave. To get home to Buddy and sleep in his own bed. But he'd miss this crazy slice of paradise. Ash said that's what pictures are for, and they'd certainly taken plenty. Eiji couldn't wait to print them.

It was late when their flight landed. They called a taxi home, deciding not to wake Aki or Miyuki at nearly 1 AM.

Their house was quiet when they finally stepped through the threshold with all their luggage. Just as they'd agreed to before leaving, Miyuki was gone, returning to her own house that night, leaving Buddy alone for only a few hours while Izumo slept.

Buddy ran to greet them the moment they came through the door. Ash traded his luggage for the 80 lb dog.

"I missed you, Little Man," he told the dog with as much enthusiasm as his tired brain could muster. He rocked Buddy in his arms as if he were an actual baby. "I missed you so much," he said in a baby voice that made Eiji smile.

Eiji shut the front door and kicked off his shoes but left the luggage where it fell. He was still on Hawaiian time, but it was only 6 AM in Hawaii and after their flight, he was too exhausted to think about anything besides sleep for more than thirty seconds.

He stepped towards Ash and Buddy, petting the dog's head as Ash continued to hold him. "I missed you too, Buds." Buddy yawned, causing both Eiji and Ash to do the same.

Ash's eyes met Eiji's only to find them glazed with fatigue. Ash kissed the top of Buddy's head. "Come on, my Man, let's go to bed."

Eiji yawned and began trudging towards the stairs. Ash knew he must be tired because he didn't make his typical joke of pretending to be offended that Ash had called Buddy "his man."

Ash carried Buddy up the stairs and set him in their bed as they entered the bedroom. They both tossed their clothes to the floor, Eiji didn't even bother with pajamas, and climbed in bed in just his underwear. Eiji patted the space between them, inviting Buddy to situate himself in the empty spot.

"Goodnight, lovely," Ash said with a yawn.

"Mmmmmm, night." Eiji's eyes were already closed. Buddy's eyes were closed as well.

Ash smiled. "I love you so much, Eiji."

Eiji nodded vaguely, already half asleep. Ash smiled wider.

With a soft click of the lamp, the darkness swallowed them.

"Luh...you," Eiji mumbled with great delay.

"I love you, perfect boy," Ash murmured to a sleeping Eiji, "sooo damn much."

He knew tomorrow might be hard, but it didn't have to ruin tonight.