Chapter Fifty-Nine: Back To Reality

It was the first, and hopefully only, time Eiji had ever snuck into Ash's computer. He'd woken up at 4 AM, he could thank jetlag for that. He didn't go back to work until the next day. He tossed and turned for about an hour, wishing he could fall back asleep, he knew he'd regret waking up so early once tomorrow came.

But sleep never came and Eiji grew restless. That's when his mind remembered the letter that was supposedly sitting in their printer. He slipped out of bed, trying his best not to wake Ash and trying even harder not to wake Buddy. Fortunately, when Buddy inevitably stirred, he simply nestled closer to Ash, never opening his eyes.

Now Eiji sat behind the closed office door, one leg pulled to his chest as he scrolled through Ash's call log via the desktop computer, thank you Apple and old Reddit forums that made this possible, though it would have been easier if Ash's phone was never waterlogged. He was hunting down one call in particular. Miyuki's.

The room seemed colder than the rest of the house, or maybe Eiji was shivering with nerves. He felt guilty in the dark room, illuminated only by the computer screen.

He found what he was searching for, the call from Miyuki. She'd only called them once during vacation so he knew it must be the right one. He checked the date and then the date on the fax he hadn't yet brought himself to read. Miyuki's call was dated two days later. So she'd seen it. He was certain she had.

"It doesn't matter, Eiji," he whispered to himself.

But it would matter to Ash, he knew that. He took a deep breath and faced the computer to do what he knew he must. He opened a blank word document and began retyping the letter, word for word, the only change was the date at the top of the page. He adjusted the date to be two days after Miyuki's call, just to be safe.

The letter didn't exactly contain any surprising information, but it made his eyes blur with tears all the same. Things that would be easy in America would be so difficult here.

After he'd finished typing, he read the letter over five times before accepting that it was perfect, not one letter or punctuation mark out of place. His mouse hovered over the print button. The house was remarkably quiet and suddenly, he wasn't sure how loud the printer was. He'd used it many times before but now, in the stillness of the early morning hours, he was certain it would wake Ash. He tiptoed down the hall and peeked into the bedroom. Ash was still fast asleep. Eiji scurried back down the hall and pressed 'print,' eyes shutting tightly upon doing so.

But the printer wasn't loud, in fact it was almost silent, the loudest sound being the release of paper with fresh ink. He was tempted to reread it one more time, just to make sure it was perfect, but he forced himself not to. He didn't want to risk wrinkling the paper, defeating the whole purpose of printing a fresh document. He shut down the computer and printer and left the office as he'd found it, the original fax crumpled in his palm.

He returned to the bedroom, peeking inside to see if Ash was still sleeping. He turned back towards the door, planning to slip downstairs and destroy the original fax. His hand reached for the doorknob. As the door opened, he heard Buddy stand and shake, collar jingling loudly. Ash groaned as he woke. Eiji shoved the letter deep into his pocket.

"Hey," Ash croaked. "Where're you going?"

Eiji turned around, trying his best to appear sleepy and casual.

"Coffee," he said with a yawn he hoped looked real.

Ash yawned along with him. "Take Little Man out while you're down there?"

Eiji smiled sleepily and nodded. He slapped his leg three times, "Come on, Buddy, poddy."

Buddy leaped from the bed and raced past Eiji and down the stairs. Eiji followed sedately after him.

"Oh, Eiji?" Ash called from the bedroom.

Eiji reappeared in the doorway. "Huh?"

"Make sure the half and half is still good before you put it in my coffee."

Eiji smiled, "Kay."

Twenty minutes later, Eiji returned with two mugs of coffee, both black thanks to the expired cream, and a well-fed Buddy.

"Good call on the milk," Eiji said as he handed Ash his coffee.

Ash tapped his temple. "Instinct."

Buddy rejoined them on the bed, bone in hand, or rather, in mouth.

Ash nudged the dog with his toe. "Not cool, dude. That's stuff's gonna," he sipped his coffee, "stain the sheets."

Buddy looked at Ash for a second as if considering his words and then returned to gnawing on the bone Eiji'd given him.

There was a beat of silence, they both sipped their coffee as Buddy chewed the bone.

"So did you read it already?" Ash asked calmly.

"Wha— I— how did you— yes."

"I heard the printer."

"Wha— how did you possibly—"

"So what, you scanned a new copy cuz you wrinkled it or something? Coulda just told me you already read it."

"Well— I—"

"And I heard the garbage disposal while you were downstairs. Really, Eiji, that's how you destroy your evidence? By clogging our pipes with soggy paper?" His lips tugged upwards in a smile as he raised the coffee cup to his lips again.

"I— uh—" Eiji continued to stutter despite the relief flooding his system. At least Ash didn't know the full truth. "Sorry."

Ash shrugged, spilling a few drops of coffee in the process. "Shit," he wiped his hand on their sheets.

Eiji eyed him humorously, "Wow, now who's staining the sheets?"

Ash considered making an off-color joke but decided against it. "Whatever." He tried desperately not to smile, barely succeeding. "Anyway, it's fine, by the way. But why'd you wanna read it alone?"

The smile fell from Eiji's face. "It's not that I wanted to read it alone…"

"Then what?"

"I just—" Eiji played mindlessly with Buddy's fur, running his hands back and forth, with and against the grain. Buddy was too distracted with his bone to pay him any mind. "I couldn't sleep, and it was eating away at my brain. So I read it. And then felt guilty so printed a copy to try to trick you." Eiji looked up at Ash with guilty, glimmering eyes. "Sorry."

"What'd it say?"

Eiji's eyes dropped back to Buddy's fur. "Nothing new. It's illegal for us to have kids."

"I'll figure something out," Ash said so calmly it was almost lifeless.

"How?" The word had some sting to it that Eiji hadn't intended to let seep through. "How are you just gonna figure it out?"

Ash's green eyes snapped to Eiji's but he willed his voice to remain even. "I don't know, but I'll think of something."

"There's nothing!" Tears cracked his voice. "There's nothing to think of! Nothing at all! What are we gonna—" a tear streaked his face. "Not unless we wanna," he gestured vaguely with his hand, voice cracking further with tears "move to America! Or— or— I don't know— I don't even know what else there is, I—" his words were replaced with ragged sobs.

Buddy looked up from his bone with alert ears and his head cocked to one side. He stood, reoriented himself to face Eiji, and pawed at Eiji's leg, a long whine escaping him.

"See? This is why I didn't want to tell you." It was the wrong thing to say, he knew it instantly, regretted it instantly.

Anger Ash had never seen directed towards him swam in Eiji's eyes. "Wow, Ash." He stood abruptly, set his coffee aside, and stormed from the room.

"Eiji, wait!" Ash hurried to a standing position, coffee sloshed from his mug and onto the bed. "Fuck," he cursed under his breath. He wiped his hand on his pants and set the mug on their nightstand. He heard Eiji descending the stairs with angry steps.

"I didn't mean it like that! I—" Ash stumbled anxiously down the hall after him, Buddy right at his heels. "Eiji, please! Wait!"

But downstairs he heard the jingle of keys. The front door opened and closed. "Fuck!" Ash raced down the stairs two at a time. He ripped the door open, shoving Buddy back inside before closing it, and ran outside after Eiji in just his socks. Eiji was already in his car. "Wait!" Ash sprinted across the grass towards where the car was parked on the street, the morning dew soaking his socks. He half-expected the car door to be locked when he reached it. He opened the door with far more force than intended, nearly ripping it from its hinges. He sank into the passenger seat before Eiji could change his mind and drive off.

"Eiji, what the fuck!?" Ash gasped. "I didn't mean it that way! And you were just gonna run off—" he aborted his sentence. Eiji stared at the dashboard, not looking at Ash, face red and tear-streaked, knuckles white, gripping the steering wheel. "I'm sorry," Ash whispered, because he of all people knew how much it hurt to be yelled at for being hurt. "I'm fuckin' sorry," his lip quivered as he bit back tears.

"I can handle hard things," Eiji said, voice wavering somewhere between rage and hurt.

"I know you can," Ash said softly. "It came out wrong. All I meant was I don't want you getting hurt. I didn't want to see you so upset when you don't have to be."

Eiji continued staring forward, not speaking.

"I know you can handle hard things, Eiji. I'm living proof of that, aren't I?"

Eiji's lip quivered, eyes leaking more tears, but still, he could not look at Ash.

Ash watched him for what felt like an agonizing eternity, uncertain of what to say. He tried to think. If he were Eiji, what would he want to hear? An apology? Not many people had apologized to Ash before. Then Blanca came to mind. He hated that apology.

"Eiji, I'm an idiot. And an asshole. And I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me, but I am sorry."

"I shouldn't have read it without you," Eiji said softly, the anger beginning to dissipate.

"I shouldn't have contacted her without you," Ash said. "I guess…I was just scared of hurting, or disappointing, you."

Eiji's eyes finally left the dashboard and looked at Ash. Both of their eyes were red and watery with tears of guilt and hurt. "So was I."

"Saddest 'even' yet?"

Eiji nodded tearfully. He wiped his eyes. "But don't say 'yet' like there'll be worse, Ash."

"Sorry."

Eiji sniffed and wiped more tears away. Ash sat beside him awkwardly as he continued to fight to end his tears for several minutes that felt far longer than they really were. And even though he'd just told Eiji he didn't have to forgive him, he'd be lying if he said he didn't wish he would.

He fought back the urge to say it again, because he meant what he said, he never expected forgiveness.

Eiji wiped the last tears from his eyes. "I wasn't really going to drive off." He jingled the car keys. "I didn't even grab the right keys." Eiji huffed a teary laugh before pocketing the keys.

"Wha— on accident?"

Eiji nodded. "Yeah, meant to grab mine but grabbed yours instead. But I wasn't ever actually gonna drive off."

"Huh, so you were one of those kids, huh? One that threatened to run away?"

Eiji smiled. "Only once or twice."

Ash adjusted in his seat, propping his wet socks up on the dashboard. "And how'd Mom handle it?"

His smile mellowed. "I didn't really threaten her with that…it was always Dad."

"Oh?"

Eiji shrugged, "Yeah."

"Is there more to that story?"

Eiji shifted in his seat. "Mom would call our bluff. But Dad was always afraid of losing us. I mean, it's not like he had a good relationship with his parents. He tried his best to be a good dad for us. And he was, until…well, you know. Anyway..."

Eiji's hands clapped onto the steering wheel. "Well. Should we go in?"

Ash studied him for a moment. "Just because my dad was worse doesn't mean you can't complain about yours."

Eiji shook his head and opened his car door. "I don't want to complain about my dad. What's the saying? Been there, done that?" He stepped out of the car and placed a hand on the door. "I've already spent too long being angry about things he didn't want…and couldn't control. I already regret shit I said when I didn't understand. And I can't change the past but I can alter the future. Come on. Let's go inside." The door shut.

Ash stepped out after him.

Eiji walked around the car to stand beside Ash. Whether or not the words were said aloud, Ash knew he was forgiven when Eiji slipped his hand into Ash's.

Eiji nudged Ash's dew-soaked foot with his slipper-clad one. "Oh my God, your socks."

"I didn't have time for shoes."

"That's why you need slippers."

Ash shoved him lightly with his shoulder. "For the last time, Ash Lynx doesn't wear slippers."

"What about Ash Okumura?"

She considered it. "Maybe."

Eiji beamed at him, despite his still red eyes.

"Maybe...when he's 90 and demented and his still-sane husband finally has a chance to force him into those silly shoes. And alllll the nurses at the nursing home will think we're such a cute couple even at 90 and 92."

Eiji wrapped himself tightly around Ash's arm. "No, please don't joke about that. I never want you to lose your brilliant mind. And putting you in a home is the last thing on Earth I'd want." He laid his face upon Ash's arm. "Besides you have to outlive me."

"Yeah right," he scoffed, "you have to outlive me."

"Hmmm," Eiji pouted, "Maybe we can go peacefully at the same time in a car wreck or something."

"Ha! I think 'peaceful car wreck' is an oxymoron, Eiji."

Eiji's feet stalled in their walk back to the house. He glared at Ash, lips pouting.

"I'm not calling you a moron. It's a word. It means— look, it's not important. Let's forget—"

Eiji tugged on Ash's arm. "No fair, I want to know what that word means."

With a smile, Ash rolled his eyes. "It describes a phrase made of two things that oppose each other. Like jumbo shrimp for example. Or old news. Or—"

"I get it."

"Or peaceful car wreck," Ash finished his thought with a smirk.

Eiji's cheeks puffed ever so slightly with annoyance. "I said I get it." Without warning, Eiji whacked Ash's arm. "Now, no more talking about dying. I love you too much to think about a world without you."

They reached the front door. The keys jingled in Eiji's hands. Buddy barked on the other side of the door. Ash gently grabbed Eiji's wrist.

"Even though I was such an ass just now?"

"Ash," Eiji began sternly. "People fight. It's gonna happen. You know how many times I've fought with Mom, or Dad, or Miyuki? I still love them. People fight. True love is unconditional."

"I mean…yeah…that's what people say—"

"And it's what good people mean."

Ash contemplated Eiji's words as Eiji's focus shifted back to opening the front door. It was a foreign concept, to say the least. Before Eiji, declarations of love meant nothing. They were empty words, spoken only to make the perverted men who spoke them feel better about their actions. Despite how far he'd come, sometimes it was still hard to fathom the love Eiji had for him. The same went for the rest of the family.

"Ash?"

He shook his head, snapping out of his thoughts. "Huh?"

"Where's your house key?"

"It's on there. Why wouldn't it be o— oh."

"Oh, what?"

"Oh, I gave it to Miyuki while we were gone."

There was a beat of silence. Then Eiji threw his head back and laughed. "We are such a mess today!"

But Ash didn't laugh. "Dino would have freaked the fuck out."

Eiji's face sobered. "But I'm the one who ran from the house and grabbed the wrong keys. It's my fault."

"Fault never really mattered." Ash sat on the front step. "Thanks for not being a damn thing like him."

"Oh, Ash."

It was too early, they decided, to call Miyuki to get Ash's key back. So Eiji sat down beside Ash and they talked in the early morning light. The brisk morning air brought them closer together to keep warm. Ash made a joke about some guy named Bear Grylls that Eiji didn't understand until Ash explained it. A few neighbors waved as they jogged by. A few more ignored them. After a solid forty minutes, Eiji realized the back door was unlocked from when he'd let Buddy out earlier. Normally, Ash would have scolded him for leaving the door unlocked, but right now he was thankful.

And life went on. Eiji decided the forged letter was for the greater good, so he told Ash about his discovery; that Miyuki couldn't have read it because the timeline was off. He knew he made the right decision when he saw the relief on Ash's face. Ash finally read the letter then. And then he balled it up and tossed it in the waste bin, because, in his own words, "it was pissing me off." Eiji let bygones be bygones. Because Ash was right, it wasn't pleasant to think about, and because they had plenty of time and Ash was smart, and Eiji knew he'd find a way.

And life went on. Eiji drug his feet but returned to work on Monday, almost too tired to function. Ash argued that extreme fatigue counted as a good excuse to call in, but in Ash's eyes, everything counted as a good excuse to stay in bed and cuddle with your husband and his dog.

Because let's face it, Buddy was Ash's dog more than he was Eiji's. And while he responded to "Buddy," he also responded to "Little Man." But Eiji let it slide. After all, Ash insisted on training him to know both Japanese and English commands. So if he could be bilingual, couldn't he also be smart enough to comprehend nicknames? Eiji thought so. And if Eiji was being completely honest, he liked the nickname, he just wouldn't say so to Ash. Not that he had to, Ash already knew. He saw the way Eiji tried not to smile when he told the Little Man it was "walk time" and to "get his leash" and the intelligent Little Man actually did.

The following Saturday, they went to Aki and Shun's for dinner. They gave out souvenirs and Ash finally got back his house key. They kept their embarrassing story, about getting locked out without actually being locked out, to themselves. Miyuki retired early, citing a headache, though she seemed sad to leave the conversation.

And Ash noticed there was something off about Aki, but he couldn't place what exactly that was. But Shun seemed normal so he tried his best not to think too much into it. Miyuki had a headache and maybe Aki was just tired. Or maybe she was just having an off day.

He tried not to care, but he did. Because he loved her like his own mom. No, not like his own, because he never knew her. He loved her like...well he wasn't sure, he just knew he did. And suddenly, he was asking her, "You don't seem yourself, you okay?" Because he cared.

Aki forcibly perked up, smiling fakely, yet fairly convincingly. "Yes, Ashu, I am fine." She tucked her hair behind her ears and then mindlessly untucked it again. "Why do you ask?"

"Something seems off," he said simply.

Shun's eyes danced between Aki and Ash. He still didn't understand English and he was confused by the language switch. After all, almost all conversations now took place in Japanese in his presence.

"Nothing is—" but she stopped because there was no point in trying to fool him. "Well, to be honest, I am having a...strange...day. Feel...off?" Aki shrugged, "just...one of those days."

Ash smiled softly at her American expression that she seemed so proud of knowing. Her English was improving. Ash wondered how much longer until it would be her default around him.

"Any way we can help?" Ash asked.

Aki frowned, eyes reddening. She blinked back tears and Ash worried he'd said the wrong thing. But then, Aki was standing, chair scooting away from the table. "You know, I think I just figure it out." Shun's confusion multiplied. Aki walked to Eiji and Ash, motioning for them to stand.

"What?" They asked in unison.

"Why I feel off."

"Why?" They asked, their voices still in sync. They stood from the table. And so did Shun, even though he wasn't sure what exactly was going on.

Aki grabbed both their wrists and led them into the living room. She sat on the middle couch cushion, tugging them down with her. "I think I feel off because I missed my boys," she said sweetly. Her hands left their wrists and fled instead into each boy's hair, ruffling it, before pushing both their heads to either of her shoulders.

Eiji laughed and whined, [Mooooom!]

Ash chuckled but didn't put up a fight. His cheek rested contently on her shoulder as Eiji squirmed on the other.

"Don't be such a baby, Eiji," he teased. "Mom just wants a hug."

"Yes! Ashu gets it!" Ash felt a soft kiss on his head then heard her place one on Eiji's. "But not hug. Just hold."

Ash smiled and Eiji finally stopped squirming.

"Just hold?"

"Yes. Because I love you both and you were gone too long!" She wrapped an arm around them both and didn't let go.

When it became clear it wasn't a joke, she really just wanted to hold them, Ash readjusted himself, getting more comfortable. He reached an arm across her to place a gentle hand on Eiji's arm.

They sat there for a long while in silence. The gentle sounds of Shun washing dishes in the other room paraded through the air.

After Aki's hug quota was filled, she broke the silence. "Did you take any photos of Hawaii?"

Eiji's head rose from her shoulder. "Yeah," he nodded. He pulled his phone from his pocket. "All the really good ones are on my camera, but we can look through the ones on here too. I'll print the others and bring them over next time."

Eiji sat taller and paged through the photos for his mother. Ash remained on her shoulder, her arm around his back lazily.

"Go back, Eiji, that is very beautiful."

Eiji's thumb paged back to a sunset.

"Wow...beautiful...Okay, you can keep going."

"This is the day it rained all day." He went to the next picture, "And then it rained all the next day too."

"It is pretty even with rain."

Eiji advanced to the next picture. It was a picture of Ash, asleep on a pool chair, hair salty from the sea, glasses askew, book open on his chest, and Eiji's shadow shading his sunkissed, freckled face.

"Awww," her hand petted his hair, "tired boy."

"We went snorkeling that morning," Ash said, his voice louder to himself as his ear pressed into Aki's shoulder. "Look at my hair, it's such a mess."

Then there was a picture of Eiji from later that night with the dolphins. Ash had texted it to him before water tragically claimed his phone. With the hand that wasn't around Ash, Aki stole the phone from Eiji. She zoomed in to see the dolphins more clearly, entranced by their beauty.

Ash smiled, "We'll take you someday."

"Huh?"

"To Hawaii. We'll go back," he said as if it were nothing. "To see the dolphins and waterfalls and sunsets and everything else."

She squeezed her arm more tightly around him. [And you wondered why I missed you!]

"Who said I wondered?"

Aki threw her head back and laughed. [Ha! Oh you just know you're great?]

[You know it.]

Eiji chuckled and rolled his eyes, but there was warmth and love and admiration in them. He extended an arm and ruffled Ash's hair. After their time in Hawaii, it was looking particularly blond. "We know you know it."

Ash's head momentarily left Aki's shoulder so he could shove Eiji playfully. "Keep scrolling. There's more pictures." He rested on her shoulder once more.

Eiji continued scrolling. Occasionally, Aki asked him to slow down or go back. Eiji told the stories behind the pictures and Ash made stupid jokes. And by the time they reached the final photo, Shun, and presumably Miyuki, had gone to bed and they were all yawning.

Ash stood and stretched, his face red from where it had been pressed to Aki.

"Thanks for dinner, Mom."

She smiled her 'you don't have to thank me for such things' smile. "Anytime, Ashu, anytime."