Chapter Sixty: Don't Jump To Conclusions
"It was a beautiful wedding."
"Hmmm?" Ash stared out the window, eyes glazed, seemingly deep in thought. "Mmmm, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was." He scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, it was beautiful."
"It was nice to finally meet your family and your friends from America. Put faces to all those names."
"Mmmm."
"And the honeymoon?"
"Mmmm." Ash's eyes traced a bird that hopped on a tree branch outside.
"Ash?"
"Huh?" His head swiveled towards an amused Iku-san.
"How was Hawaii?"
"Huh? Oh. Fine. Good. Great." His eyes returned to the bird outside. With a bend of its legs and a flutter of feathers, it seemed to float to the ground. Its yellow beak pecked at the grass, searching for bugs and worms. "Great. Hawaii was great. Beautiful and…just nice to get away."
"So what's on your mind then? You seem a million miles away today."
His hand rubbed his jaw in thought. "I'm fine."
"Are you? Just because things are supposed to be going well doesn't mean you can't have any issues."
Ash scoffed and glanced back at Iku-san. "Eiji and I are not having issues."
A sad, knowing smile settled on Iku-san's lips. "I didn't say that." She paused, clicked the pen in her hand a few times. "But are you? Having issues?"
"We're not— I—" The bird outside wrangled a worm free from the dirt. It used its beak to toss the worm up in the air and caught it again. The bird's brown plumage appeared golden as it caught the sun, glistening as it swallowed up the worm. "Look, we're fine, it's just that…"
Iku-san was quiet for several long moments while Ash worked out what he wanted to say.
"I think he's keeping something from me."
"Keeping what?"
"I don't— I'm not sure. Could be nothing at all, I might just be paranoid."
"And what makes you think he is hiding something?"
Ash turned away from the window. "Keeping," he said firmly. "Not hiding. Keeping."
"Is there a difference?"
Ash stepped away from the window. Iku-san's eyes followed him as he walked towards her desk, sitting in the plush chair before it. "Yes. Hiding implies something bad. Keeping can have good intentions."
"Fair," she nodded, jotted down something on her notepad. "Then what do you believe he is keeping?"
"I don't know, that's half the problem! It's just that sometimes we'll just be going about our day and he'll get this sad, far-off look in his eyes like something is eating away at his soul. And then I try to figure out what it could be that is causing that look. Have I done something to upset him? Or is he secretly dying and keeping it from me? Or is—"
"Ash," her stern voice cut through his rambling thoughts. "Dying? That's irrational."
"It's not, it's—"
"It's" she raised her voice above his, "far more logical and likely that something is simply bothering him. He's young and healthy, I don't think he's secretly terminally ill." She wasn't normally one to interrupt, but all things have their time and place.
Ash opened his mouth to argue but simply let it close again. When he spoke again his voice was calmer. "But it's not just him. Something's off with Miyuki and Mom too." He sighed. "Miyuki's been distant and Mom's been…I don't know, extra nice?"
Iku-san resumed her quiet, ever-listening presence.
"So I think they might know something too." He paused. "He really could be sick," he said softly. "He's been really tired since we got back from Hawaii and—"
"Ash. It is far more likely he is still tired from the trip or from work. Besides, what do I always say about assumptions?"
Ash shifted in his seat, eyes tracing the patterns in the woodgrain of Iku-san's desk.
"Well?"
"Yeah, I know, I know. Assumptions do more harm than good."
"When left unsaid, they have the tendency to cause us to spiral into panic, or at the very least they lead to unhealthy overthinking." She paused and waited for Ash's eyes to leave the desk and meet hers. "Now that you've told me, I can help interrupt those thoughts, but the person you really need to talk to is….?" Her voice trailed off as if she were talking to a child.
"Eiji. I know." He stood and made his way back to the window, the bird he'd been watching earlier was now nowhere to be seen. "But I'm not gonna ask him."
"And why's that?"
"Because I don't want to risk a fight."
Iku-san raised her eyebrows with curiosity but said nothing.
"We fought the other day and… I said something stupid and he looked so hurt. He ran outside to the car and… and I was so scared that…" he didn't finish his thought.
"That he'd leave?" She guessed.
Ash shook his head, "That I'd hurt him." If there was ever a time Ash had feared Eiji would leave him, it had long since passed.
She nodded in understanding. "So you're not really scared he's secretly ill? You're worried he's still hurt from the fight you had recently?"
He leaned his head against the glass of the window. "Something like that," he murmured.
"What was the fight about?"
"I'd rather not say."
"Ash, how am I supposed to help if I don't know?"
"It doesn't matter what it was about. It was a misunderstanding. And I really don't want to talk about it right now, for several reasons."
"That's fine, Ash," she sighed but decided not to press the issue. "And now you're scared that asking him what is bothering him will lead to a similar situation?"
Ash shook his head and began to pace the room. "Not really. Look, I'm making this sound worse than it is. We're fine, doing really well. Day to day life hasn't changed. It's just sometimes there's, there's…there's just this something in his eyes. And it's hard to read. Sometimes it looks sad and other times…I don't know, anxious? But other than that, we're fine." His hands tangled in his hair and then ran down the back of his neck, anxiously resting on his shoulders. "And I'm scared to ask because I'm scared to know the answer."
"Is he in the waiting room? You could go get him. Would it help to talk things over while you're here? Then whatever it is I can help you sort it out."
His hands fell from his tense shoulders. "He's at work."
She nodded. "Okay, well this sounds like it is weighing on you. Bring Eiji next week. We can talk about it." She jotted a note. "Or if you'd like to talk to him at home, do that."
"Ash?"
"Yeah. Okay."
"Ash," she said again more sternly.
He looked at her. "Yeah?"
"I don't like to say things…definitively …but I know whatever it is…can't be that bad. He loves you. With every fiber of his being. I'm not sure there's anything you could do to change that. People can fight and still be in love—"
"I know that," Ash interrupted defensively.
"But," she said louder, speaking over him, "you've never had it modeled for you, so it can be difficult to remember."
A needle on vinyl broadcasted Claude Debussy through the house when Eiji arrived home. Eiji smiled to himself as he hung up his keys and the front door clicked behind him.
"Ash? I'm home!" He slipped off his shoes. "Ash?" He asked again, quieter this time. He stepped into the living room. "Hey."
Ash laid on the living room floor, feet and calves pressed against the cushion of the couch at a 90-degree angle. On his chest lay Buddy's head, one of Ash's hands rested limply on his head, the other lay slack at his side. Ash opened one eye to see Eiji as he made his way into the room.
"Hey. Tough session?" Eiji joined him on the floor, mimicking his strange position, arm pressing up against Ash's.
"Mmm." Ash's eye returned closed.
"Yooou alright?"
"I will be."
They laid there for a moment, gentle piano filling the house and Buddy breathing deeply as he slept with his head on Ash's chest.
"Anything I can do to help?"
Ash ignored his question. "Are you pissed at me Eiji?"
"Huh?" Eiji rolled on his side, feet leaving the couch, and propped his head up on his arm. "Why would I be mad at you?"
Ash shrugged against the floor. "We fought the other day. Wasn't sure if you were still…mad." Ash opened an eye to look at Eiji. "And you've been making that face a lot."
"Ash I'm not— What face?"
"That one." His other eye opened. He nodded towards Eiji.
"What's it look like?" Eiji asked with purposeful tranquility, trying his best not to upset Ash who was already in the post-therapy slump that plagued him from time to time. He was easily upset when he got like this, understandably so.
Ash's head turned, cheek pressing to the wood and golden hair splaying out on the floor. "It looks," his green eyes traced Eiji's face. "Sad." His mouth pressed into a straight line. "Or maybe it's angry. See? That's the problem, I can't tell."
More of the expression in question crept onto Eiji's face. Eiji smoothed Ash's bangs from his forehead. "It's not either." He settled back onto the floor, face turning up towards the ceiling. Ash watched him carefully. "It's guilt."
"Guilt?"
Eiji was quiet. The final song on the record ended, static filled the room. Buddy's eyes opened, head leaving Ash's chest. He stood, turned in circles, and then returned to Ash's side, head finding his stomach.
"I changed the date on that letter," Eiji said finally, voice breaking through the uncomfortable silence. There was another beat of silence. "Which means that it's possible— likely— that Miyuki may have read it. I don't know for sure, I haven't asked her."
Ash sat, legs leaving the couch and curling under him. Buddy stood and jumped onto the couch. Eiji cringed, awaiting wrath.
"That's it?" His eyes danced wildly over Eiji's face. "That's all? You've been making that face for the past week, and that's it!?"
"Y-yeah."
"God, I'm such a fucking idiot," he said in whispered exhale. Ash flopped back onto the floor. "She was right again."
"Who?"
"Iku-san."
Eiji sat. "About what?"
Ash stared up at him. "Assumptions are pointless. Talking is the only thing that solves anything."
"Ash, wait…you're saying that's been bothering you all week?"
Ash nodded.
"And you assumed what exactly?"
"Lotsa stuff. That you were mad at me. That I hurt you. That you…" his voice trailed off, deciding not to voice the terminally ill fear. "Lots of stupid stuff."
"Wait are you…not mad at me?"
Ash was quiet as he tried to decide if he was in fact angry. "Hmmm. I think you had good intentions."
Eiji raised his eyebrows.
"So no," Ash elaborated. "I don't think so." His eyes met Eiji's. "But you shouldn't've done that. You don't have to lie to protect me Eiji, I can handle—"
He stopped before he said 'hard things,' which were the exact words Eiji had used the day they'd fought.
"I can handle it."
Eiji's face puckered. "Sorry." His eyes found the floor, guiltily avoiding Ash's green eyes. "I'm sorry, Ash."
Ash patted the floor beside him. The motion caught Buddy's eye. He bounded off the couch and returned to the floor with Ash and Eiji. Eiji couldn't help but smile.
"It's okay, Eiji." He patted the floor again. Eiji joined him, tangling his hand with Ash's. Ash squeezed his hand and Eiji knew he was forgiven.
"We're idiots," Ash said humorously. Eiji smiled and shrugged closer to Ash. "We've both done it now…hurt each other trying to protect each other."
Eiji nodded, "Yep. Idiots."
"Sorry," they said in tandem. They both chuckled.
Ash nudged Eiji with his shoulder. "I should teach Little Man to get that."
"Get what?" Eiji adjusted so his head rested on Ash's shoulder.
"The record player. Probably bad to let it keep spinning once it ends."
The quiet scratching of the record sounded much louder after Ash mentioned it. "Oh. Yeah. Probably."
But neither of them moved to turn it off. The white noise was strangely peaceful, so they laid on the floor in quiet until Eiji poked Ash's side.
"Oof! Hey! What?!"
Eiji shifted into a sitting position, hands forming fists on his hips. "You didn't really think I was still mad at you, did you?!"
Ash squinted at him, lips scrunching into something of a scowl. "And if I did?"
"Then you'd be a ditz!"
"A— Hey!"
Eiji swatted his shoulder. "Seriously, Ash! I couldn't stay mad at you!"
Ash smirked, "That's so cheesy, lovely."
Eiji rolled his eyes and stood. "Come on!" He grabbed Ash's wrist and pulled Ash up as forcefully as he could. "Gah! You're heavy!"
"Ooof! Hey!" He hopped to his feet.
Eiji's fingers encircled Ash's wrists. He pulled Ash close. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely, "for everything. Especially for making you worry." Then his voice changed; loud and excited like nothing had ever happened. "Let's go get food! I'm starrrrving!"
It was late when they got back. Eiji made hot tea, rid himself of the pants he'd been wearing since work, and traded his button down for a cream-colored sweater with sleeves that ballooned just above the cinched wrists. Crew socks of a very similar knit adorned his feet, stopping right below his calves.
Ash was certain the sweater was a girl's sweater, which only made it more endearing. Eiji knew it was a girl's sweater, though he wouldn't admit it to Ash. He found it one afternoon when Miyuki had drug him to the store with her. He spotted it while she was shopping for a winter coat. He mentioned liking the style and she insisted he had to have it. In the end, she's the one who bought it for him.
Now they sat across from one another on the living room floor, legs outstretched in a V formation. They talked as they tossed a rubber ball back and forth. Buddy chased it as it bounced back and forth between them. Occasionally, he'd catch it before it reached the other and either Ash or Eiji would have to wrestle it out from the clutches of his jaw.
"Shunichi wants to know if we can watch Akira next weekend," Eiji commented as he tossed the ball to Ash.
"Fine by me." Ash caught the ball, stalling just long enough to tease Buddy before returning it to Eiji.
"Is he working this weekend?" Ash asked as Eiji caught the ball.
"No."
"Then what? Does he have a date or something?" Ash cocked an eyebrow.
"Actually, he said Akira asked to come over here."
"So we've stolen the title of the 'fun uncle?'"
"Ha, guess so." Eiji tossed the ball back to Ash but Buddy managed to intercept it. Ash wrangled it from his teeth. He wiped the slobber from it and tossed it back to Eiji.
"What's that smile about?" Eiji asked as Ash stared at him with an unintentional smile on his face.
Ash shrugged, "Mmm just thinking you look really pretty right now."
Eiji blushed just like Ash knew he would. He caught the ball against his chest and looked down at his current attire of crew socks, boxer briefs, and a girl's sweater. "In this?"
The ball stilled in his hands.
"Stunning," Ash replied with a smirk and a wink.
Eiji squinted at him, "Are you making fun of—" but the sentence was cut short as Buddy tackled Eiji to the ground, trying to rip the rubber ball from his fingers. Eiji laughed and squealed and put up a good fight, but in under thirty seconds, Buddy emerged victoriously.
Eiji hopped to his feet, chasing the dog around the house. Buddy dodged behind furniture, letting Eiji get within an arm's length away before bolting away at full speed, claws digging into the floor. Ash sat on the living room floor, laughing from afar.
"You're not gonna help me?!" Eiji hollered across the room as he chased Buddy in circles around the kitchen table.
"Nop-e."
"AAAAASH!" Eiji squealed in laughter. Buddy ran under his legs nearly knocking him over.
"You're gonna fall in those socks," Ash remarked from the other room, still making no effort to help.
"Then help, you ass!" Eiji called as he continued to chase after Buddy.
"But I'm having such a good time watching you struggle, onnichan."
Eiji stopped in his tracks just long enough to flip Ash the bird and then continued chasing after Buddy. They disappeared into the guest bedroom. Ash heard Buddy jump onto the guest bed and then off again. He heard Eiji flop on the bed a second too late. Then Buddy came racing down the hall, pausing at the end until Eiji caught up.
"He's teasing you!"
Buddy then turned and raced up the stairs. Eiji chased after him, and Ash finally left the ground to chase after them both. Buddy was at the top of the stairs when Eiji reached the middle. Buddy then turned and raced right back down. He bolted between Eiji's legs, causing his socked feet to slip out from under him. Ash watched in horror as Eiji fell, head hitting the wooden steps, body sliding limply down the remainder of stairs.
The world slowed to a stop. Buddy continued running, unaware their game had come to a halt. Ash rushed to Eiji's side.
"Hey, hey!" Ash gave Eiji a shake as he pulled him into his lap.
Eiji shook his head, eyes peeling open, hand finding the back of his head. "Shit, I fell."
"Yeah, you sure did," his voice was grave. "Here, face me." He whipped out his phone, shining its flashlight directly in Eiji's eyes. Eiji winced away from the light, eyes closing.
"Stop, that's bright!"
"That's the point. Open your eyes."
Reluctantly, he did so.
"Do you even know what you're looking for? Or did you just see them do it that way on TV?"
"Shhh." He flipped the light on and then off, on and then off, and then once more, on and off. "Shit."
Eiji watched as his fingers shakily turned off his phone. [You're shaking.]
Ash stared at him. "And you just switched to Japanese."
[So?] … "I mean, so?"
"Stand."
"Why?"
"Just stand."
Eiji braced his hand on the stair's banister, slowly rising to a standing position. He wobbled as he shifted upright, hand finding his head in obvious discomfort.
"Dizzy?"
With closed eyes, he nodded, [Yeah.]
Ash put a firm hand on his shoulder. "Sit back down. I'll be right back."
He ran up the stairs two at a time and disappeared around the corner. He returned with a pair of pants. He tossed them to Eiji. "Come on, put these on."
[Why?]
"You have a concussion and I'm taking any risks with your health. Pants. Hospital. Let's go."
[Ash. I'm fine, I just slipped.]
"And hit your head. And defaulted to Japanese." Ash walked to the door and slipped on his shoes. "And you have a history of concussions, right?" Eiji didn't answer. "Right?"
[Y-yeah.]
"Then we're going." He pulled his phone from his pocket. His finger hovered shakily above Aki's contact.
[You're still shaking.]
"I'm fine." He inhaled deeply and hit her name, dialing.
"A-Ashu?" She asked, voice heavy with sleep.
It was then Ash realized it was half-past eleven. The calm he had managed just moments before began to slip as the moment came to tell Aki her son was hurt.
"H-hey." He cleared his throat. "Hey."
"What's wrong?" Aki was already getting out of bed, tugging on a pair of jeans. "Ashu, what's wrong?"
"Eiji…"
"Ashu?"
"Fell."
"How bad?"
"He was wearing socks and he slipped on the stairs and—"
[Hey! Don't blame it on my socks!] Aki heard Eiji shout on the other end. She relaxed slightly, he was obviously fine enough to argue.
"Ashu, what happened?"
"He fell." He took a deep breath. "Hit his head. He's…well I think he has a concussion." He exhaled shakily. "Mild," he added hastily.
Aki gave Shun a shove. His eyes squeezed tightly before opening. [Up,] she whispered. She grabbed his glasses off the nightstand and shoved them into his hand. "I'm coming over," she told the anxious Ash on the phone. "Do not leave without me," because she knew there was no way he wouldn't be dragging Eiji to the hospital.
Ash nodded his head. "Okay."
"And Ashu?"
"Hmmm?"
"It is going to be okay."
"Just hurry."
And she did. [Eiji fell and hit his head,] she told Shun. [Get dressed fast and you can come with me.]
[Where?]
[Hospital.]
Ten minutes later, Aki and Shun arrived. Ash paced anxiously as Eiji sat on the sofa petting Buddy calmly. It didn't matter how many times Eiji said he was alright, Ash never settled.
"Finally!" he said as he saw Aki and Shun approaching the door. "Come on, Eiji! Let's go!"
He nearly hit Aki in the face with the door as he flung it open.
"Ashu! Slow down, slow down."
His eyes traced her face as if he couldn't comprehend her words. "Let's go."
Aki faced Eiji. "Eiji. You and Dad get in my car." Her eyes shifted back to stare up at Ash. "I will drive. You are too upset. Not safe."
He opened his mouth to argue.
"Not. safe."
Eiji shuffled into the car.
"Listen to me Ashu." She grabbed his wrists. "It will all be okay. Breathe. Breathe."
He took a shaky breath along with her.
"Good. Now let's go. Sit in back with him."
Ash sat beside Eiji, arm wrapped around him as if he would simply fall over without him there. He asked multiple times if his head hurt, if he was nauseous, if he was dizzy. The answers to the repetitive questions were always, "just a bit, Ash, I'm okay," but nothing could settle him. He may as well have said he was dying right there in his arms.
[This really isn't necessary,] Eiji argued as they pulled into the hospital's lot. Ash looked as if Eiji'd stabbed him. Aki glared at him.
They waited for two and a half hours before anyone could see them. Much to Ash's dismay, heart attacks, strokes, and serious trauma wounds took priority over mild concussions.
When they were finally ushered into a room, Ash insisted Eiji have a CT scan, despite the doctor's insistence that it was unnecessary. Ash reminded everyone that Eiji had a history of concussions and therefore was prone to more serious side effects. But, as the doctor pointed out, Eiji had mild symptoms, nothing to indicate anything worse. A CT wouldn't be covered by insurance under such circumstances. But money was no object to the young multi-millionaire. And he had seen guys in New York and children from Club Cod die from less symptomatic head injuries. Undetected brain bleeds. "I'm not taking any chances!" he'd screamed in exasperation before the doctor finally complied.
After the doctor left, the four of them sat in silence in the white, sterile room. The clock on the wall ticked obnoxiously loud as they waited for a CT machine to open up.
"I'm really okay," Eiji whispered to Ash. He took his hand in his lap and comfortingly stroked the back of it.
"I'm going to make sure that's true."
After a half-hour, at nearly 4 AM, a CT machine opened up. A nurse ushered them out of the small room. Aki followed Eiji and the nurse into another room. Ash began to follow. Shun reached out to grab Ash's arm but retracted his hand when he remembered the last time he grabbed Ash unexpectedly. "Wait-o," he said instead. The unexpected English caused Ash to stop and turn towards Shun.
"Stay…here?"
Ash nodded compliantly.
Shun sat on one of the benches that lined the hallway. He patted the seat beside him. "Sit-o."
Ash sat.
"You…stress-o…but…Ei-chan be…a…good…yes, good…no…okay, yes, okay."
Ash's brows scrunched. [Just speak Japanese.]
Shun shook his head. "I…try, Ash…for to learn…and care…and…" he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "And…" he sighed. [Look, I…I just want you to know I appreciate what you've done to learn our language and about our culture and even our family. And…I'm trying to learn about yours too. I study English when I can and I read about America…] He took off his glasses and wiped clean the already pristine glass. [Well, that leaves you…next I need to learn more about you. And in moments like this…I realize just how much you love others. For someone who jokes and teases and snaps and sometimes bites like a wild animal,] he smiled into his hands meekly, [you sure do love.] He glanced at Ash, [And ya know what? Sometimes it makes me feel like a bad parent…because I would have accepted the doctor's answer, I wouldn't have pushed for an expensive test to show us what we likely already know…mild concussion, nothing else.] He sighed again. [I don't know what I'm trying to say, Ash. I guess I feel guilty…but also happy…because you show my son, my family, more love than I know how to.]
Ash nodded slowly. If nothing else, Shun's little disoriented soliloquy forced Ash to slow down and breathe, otherwise, he would have no hope in understanding what Shun was trying to say.
"Are you—" [Sorry, are you trying to say one of my defining characteristics is how much I love your family?]
Shun nodded, [I think so.]
[Aaaand that makes you happy because on one hand that's a good thing, but it also makes you sad…because it makes you feel inadequate?]
Shun shook his head. [No. It doesn't make me feel inadequate, it makes me realize just how inadequate I am.]
Ash shook his head in disagreement. [That's bullshit, sorry, but it is.]
[It isn't.]
[What do you know about me? Like what do you really know? Because if you knew it all I think you'd find that I'm the one who's inadequate.] Ash shifted to see Shun better, forcing him to make eye contact. [You know I was sexually abused but to what extent? That day Blanca came, Eiji must have given you some explanation, what did he tell you?]
Ash was quiet then, awaiting his answer. Iku-san would be proud, he thought to himself.
[Eiji told me you belonged to a gang in New York and that alone means you'd have enemies. And that man was an enemy of sorts.]
Ash waited for him to continue.
[That's basically all he said.] He looked bashfully to the ground. [It's like I said, I still need to learn more about you.]
Ash sighed. He looked up and down the empty hallway before he spoke. [I did more than belong to a gang, I ran it. And before that, I belonged to one of the most evil men in all of New York. When I was only a child I was his plaything and his whore. I've been raped by more sick fucks than I want to count, and I didn't get to kill nearly enough of them. I'm not some saint who came down from heaven to bless your Eiji. He's the one who came and saved my life. If it weren't for Eiji I am absolutely certain I'd have died brutally before seeing my 20th birthday. So don't get it twisted. He saved me not the other way around.]
Shun stared at Ash with huge, shocked eyes.
Ash put his head in his hands. [And I'm clean, by the way. At least Dino had standards. I wouldn't dare pass some foul disease on to your son.]
Shun made a shocked sound that bordered a cough. [I wasn't worried about that! Of all things, that's what you think I'm thinking?]
[That's probably what I'd be thinking as a parent.]
Shun threw his head back against the wall and groaned. Ash removed his head from his hands to see Shun. Tears welled in his eyes, threatening to fall.
[Sorry. Maybe shouldn't've told you so bluntly.]
Shun ignored the statement, [You don't realize, do you?]
[Realize what?]
[That you being so gentle and friendly and loving…is even more virtuous now in my eyes. Being a good person if you've never seen hardship can be challenging, sure, but in a way, it is fairly easy because nothing huge stands in your way. But for someone who's seen hardship or torment like you have…that takes effort and patience and healing before it becomes second nature. It would have been far easier for you to end up a monster. But you didn't. You should be proud.]
[If I hadn't met Eiji I might have ended up horrible too.]
Shun studied him, [No, if you had it in you, you'd be ruined already.]
[Did you miss the part where I said I was a murderous whore?]
[What I heard is that you killed some of your rapists.] He paused and lowered his voice, [As far as I'm concerned, Ash, it should have been more.] He lowered his voice further until it was merely a whisper. [It should have been every single one.]
Ash stood abruptly. [Did you not hear me?! Do you not understand what I'm saying!?] He inhaled a ragged breath. [I'm telling you that I've literally ended lives and you're telling me you don't care?!]
[I don't care,] Shun echoed calmly.
Ash scoffed, [Then you don't understand!]
Shun inhaled slowly. [I do understand. I understand you could snap my neck right here if you wanted to. You could have done terrible things to any one of us at any time. You could have stayed in New York to become the monster you hate. But you didn't do any of that.] A small smile crept onto Shun's face. [Instead of falling into the habit of vice in New York, you left and created a new life for yourself. Instead, you chose to fall in love with Eiji and this family. You chose to swap your loaded gun an eighty-pound dog.] He paused purposefully to look at Ash, [You're a good person, Ash. Please don't think otherwise.]
Before Ash could respond, Eiji and Aki appeared in the hallway, still a ways away.
[I don't know if that's true.]
[It is.]
[Only because of Eiji.]
[To use your own words, that's bullshit and you know it.]
Ash smiled sadly and accepted defeat. Aki and Eiji were now just feet away. He sat back down next to Shun, [Do you regret it? Learning more about me? Did I say too much?]
[No. No, not at all. It helps me understand you better. And it helps me appreciate the way that you are.]
They waited another hour in heavy silence, only to learn the results of the CT were negative. By the time they began driving home, the sun was painting the world purple and pink. "Good thing it's Saturday," Aki had said jokingly. In the car, Ash, though mentally and emotionally exhausted, did not doze off even when Eiji did. He wrapped a protective arm around him and remained ever-vigilant. Shun made eye contact with him more than once in the rearview, 'point proven' his eyes seemed to say.
Ash let Eiji sleep for two hours at a time. The doctor said he needed rest but someone should be there to make sure he wakes up frequently and without issue.
Each time Ash woke him, he'd ask him questions about who he was and how he felt. After the fourth time, Eiji grumpily snapped. "I'm Eiji Okumura, it's Saturday morning by now, my head hurts but not any worse than before and it would feel a lot better if my dumbass husband would just let me fuckin' sleep."
That of all things made Ash smile. "Well, gosh, Eiji when you put it like that…"
"Please let me sleep? I'm fine, I promise."
Ash smiled lovingly as he smoothed the hair from Eiji's face and adjusted his blanket that didn't need adjusting. "Okay, I'll let you sleep."
"Sleep too?"
Because all that time Ash wouldn't let himself sleep, lest he slept through the two-hour Eiji check-in. Instead, he busied himself around the house with Buddy at his heels, checking the clock frequently. Eiji's door at the top of the stairs remained open ajar so Ash could keep an eye and ear out for him.
Ash stared at him in contemplation.
"Ash, sleep." Eiji tugged at his arm.
Ash grumbled but got in bed. "Two hours," he argued.
"Sure."
Eiji inched close to him. "Did you forgive Buddy for causing all this?"
"Of course."
"That easily?"
Ash wrapped Eiji in his arms. "He doesn't know any better, he's just a Little Man."
Eiji smiled with closed eyes, face pressed contently into Ash's chest. "Mmmm, just a Little Man."