Chapter Sixty-Two: Not One Finger
A soft knock startled on the bedroom door startled Eiji. He pulled his pajama top over his head. [You can come in.]
[That room is scary, Ei-chan.] She stood in the doorway, fiddling anxiously with the fringe of the blanket she gripped tightly.
In the bathroom, the shower water shut off. Eiji hurried to knock on the door. "Hey, don't forget clothes," he told Ash hastily.
Eiji returned to Akira. [The room is scary?]
She nodded, clutching the blanket tighter in her arms.
[Even with Buddy to protect you?]
Her brows wrinkled. [He's asleep.]
[But he'd wake up to protect you.]
[And he snores.] She stepped into the room and climbed up onto Ash and Eiji's bed. [I'm seven, I'm not scared of monsters. I'm too old for that.]
Eiji sat on the bed beside her. [Then what are you scared of?]
Akira shrugged, [Your house makes scary sounds at night. And it's really dark. My room has a night light at home.]
Eiji yawned. [I don't think we have any night lights. But I could turn the hall light on and leave your door a crack.]
She shook her head. [Sleeping with the door open is creepy.] She kicked her feet idly as they hung from the bed. [Could I sleep in here?]
Eiji glanced at the still-made bed that Ash had made love to him in just that morning. The sheets had been changed, because Ash always changed the sheets, but still, he knew Ash was understandably sensitive about such things. [I don't know, Akira…]
[Uncle Shunichi doesn't have a guest room. He lets me sleep in his bed and he sleeps on the floor.]
[The floor?]
[Or I could sleep on the floor. I don't mind.]
Eiji sat in silence, pondering the proposal.
"Do not make her sleep on the fucking floor, Eiji," Ash called from the bathroom.
"Ash."
Akira giggled. [One of those words was a bad one, wasn't it?]
Eiji's face reddened, [How do you—]
[Because your face is so embarrassed,] she smirked. [What did he say? What did he say?]
[He said we'd be horrible hosts to make you sleep on the floor.]
Akira pouted, [I know that's not what he said.]
Just then Ash emerged from the bathroom, fully clothed, in a cloud of steam. [I said we're not letting you sleep on the fucking floor.]
Akira laughed. [Oh.]
Ash smirked at Eiji's mortified expression. [Really, Eiji, it's just a word.]
[You won't even cuss in front of Mom.]
[I shouldn't have used English in the first place. She deserves to know what I said.]
Eiji rolled his eyes, [You could have left out one word.]
[It's fine, Eiji, she can handle it.]
Akira nodded, [I can handle it!]
[But, unfortunately, you can't sleep in here. We're not your uncle and it wouldn't be… decent.]
[I like sleeping on the floor,] was all Akira said in reply. She turned to Eiji, [Ei-chan?]
[I think it would be okay, Ash.]
Ash's eyes darted anxiously over Eiji's face. "But what if I dream?" He whispered.
"You haven't dreamt in weeks."
"That doesn't mean I won't tonight. I'm— I'm sorry, Eiji, I just can't." Ash stepped towards the door, "But it's fine— you stay, I'll— I'll be in the guest room." [Good night, Akira.]
[He's leaving?]
[Ash can be… particular… about his personal space.]
Akira thought back to the things Ash had said to her throughout the time she'd known him. He liked to be asked for hugs, and kisses to the cheek like she gave Eiji were off-limits. He was gentle and cautious toward her, more so than anyone else had ever been. And then there was tonight. There was the way he had reacted to her bruised arm. The questions he asked her.
[He's afraid he'll hurt me.] Akira said definitively.
[Well, Akira—]
[But that means he won't.]
[Of course, he wouldn't but… it's complicated.]
[Someone hurt him when he was little.] Again, there was absolute certainty in her voice.
Eiji nodded. He didn't even bother asking how she guessed it. [Yeah, they did.]
[That's not fair.]
[No, it's not.] Eiji stood and began gathering spare blankets to fashion his bed on the floor. [Come on, then, it's late. I'm sure it's hours past your bedtime.]
Akira crawled to the head of the bed and slipped under the comforter smack-dab in the middle of the bed. [Eiji?]
[Yeah?]
[Thank you.]
He glanced at her, blanket in hand. [For what?]
Akira shook her head. [Just thank you.]
Eiji and Ash emerged wordlessly into the hall from their opposite doors. Eiji walked stiffly like an old man. Ash looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.
"What happened to you?" They asked each other, whispering in unison.
"I think I'm finally too old to sleep on the floor."
"Bullshit, you're not too old you just didn't have enough blankets."
Eiji shrugged stiffly, wincing ever so slightly as he did so, "Fine. What happened to you?"
Ash made a vague gesture of defeat, "I can't fuckin' sleep without ya."
Eiji smiled, sleepy and warm. "That's sweet."
"Huh! It's the truth!"
"Shhhh! She's still sleeping." Eiji grabbed Ash's wrist. "Come on, let's go downstairs."
Ash followed sleepily at Eiji's heels. They parted ways as they reached the main level, Ash flopped belly first onto the couch, while Eiji took up the seemingly grueling task of making coffee. When he approached the couch with two steaming mugs, Ash opened a single eye to look up at him, the other side of his face was planted into the couch cushions.
"Can I sit?" Eiji asked humorously.
"Mmmm," he grumbled in thanks and complaint, for he had to move. Ash forced himself to sit long enough to make room for Eiji on the couch. Eiji didn't even have time to hand him his mug of coffee before Ash's head was in his lap.
"Soooo doo you want your coffee?" Eiji held the mugs, smiling down at Ash who looked as if he were preparing to fall back to sleep for several more hours.
"Mmmm," Ash repeated in neither an affirmative nor negatory tone.
"Guess I'll have to drink it," Eiji teased.
"Mmmm." This time it was more of a sigh.
"You're falling asleep, aren't you?" Eiji's smile grew.
"...Mmmm…." A small smile creased his face. "Have 'ta," he yawned, "make up for lost time."
Eiji sat Ash's coffee down on the side table and then began to run gentle fingers through Ash's blond hair. "Will you ever be able to sleep without me?"
"I don't intend to find out," he mumbled against Eiji's leg.
Eiji chuckled. "Fair enough."
Eiji sipped his coffee, while the fingers of his other hand continued to play with Ash's hair mindlessly. He turned his head to see out the window. The sun rose above the treeline, casting easy morning shadows onto the wood floor. Eiji's eyes traced them, glazed over in thought, as they slowly crept across the floor.
What were they to do, he wondered to himself. What would he say to Akira's dad when he showed his face? Ash seemed to think it was better to stay quiet for now, and Eiji supposed he should trust him. Yet still, he wondered if it was the best choice.
"What should we do when he gets here?" He wondered aloud to Ash. "Ash?" He looked down to find him fast asleep. "Oh." A soft smile relaced his growing worry. "Sorry, love," he whispered.
His eyes traced over Ash's serene face. He didn't need to ask why Ash couldn't sleep the night before. It didn't matter who he had dreamt about, it was all roughly the same. Pain and panic and trauma, some worse than others. Some memories, some fabricated by his own cruel brian. His heart ached in his chest. He moved his hand from Ash's hair to his back, causing him to nuzzle closer to Eiji in his sleep. It made him grateful…that he could provide some comfort amidst all his pain that was likely still echoing in his head from the moment he woke that morning.
Small pitter-patters of feet on the wood floor broke his focus. He maneuvered his head until he spotted Akira peering at him from the other end of the couch, hands perched on the armrest, hair tangled and pointing every which way.
[Good morning,] Eiji smiled at her.
She yawned but said nothing in return. She was too curious about the foreign sight before her: Ash stretched out along the length of the couch cushions, head in Eiji's lap, totally relaxed. She didn't know what to call it, what she saw before her. What she did know, was that it made her feel some sort of strange sadness in her bones. Like something in her life was missing, something she had never known existed in real life.
Sure, she'd seen her own father asleep on the couch, but that was different. Her mother banished him there on nights he'd stumbled home drunk, or on nights they'd fought loud enough for the neighbors to get concerned.
[You okay?]
She nodded, but again did not answer with words. She simply stood there silently and continued to stare with sleepy eyes.
[You can sit,] Eiji offered, in case that was the source of her seeming unease. [You won't wake him.] He smiled reassuringly. [And if he does wake up, he won't mind.]
She nodded again and walked around the arm of the couch and climbed onto the cushion at the far end. Still, she was quiet but watchful.
[Do you want breakfast or—] Eiji began to ask, in an attempt to break the awkward silence.
[My parents don't love each other,] she said bluntly.
Eiji's mouth fell open. [Ak–Akira, I—]
[I think I knew already. But…] her eyes glanced down at Ash, [now I see…what it's supposed to look like.] She shifted uncomfortably, pajama-clad legs curling up towards her chest. [They don't love me either.]
[Akira,] Eiji gasped, [that's not—]
[It is.] She yawned and shifted casually into a more comfortable position on the couch. [It's not new.] She readjusted the cushion under her back to support her head.
Eiji opened his mouth to speak again but she stopped him.
[I'm too tired to talk about it.] She pulled the throw blanket from the back of the couch and snuggled under it, following Ash's lead to slip back to sleep.
Eiji watched her in speechless disbelief. He thought about telling her she was wrong. Her parents must love her, they're her parents, but…he thought back to the way they looked at her and spoke to her…and the bruise on her upper arm…and he wasn't so convinced. He thought about telling her that her uncle loved her and he and Ash did as well, but he couldn't seem to get the words out. Not because they weren't true, but because he didn't know how to phrase it without it sounding forced. And then her eyes closed and it seemed he'd missed his chance to say anything at all.
Eiji didn't allow himself to follow their lead, worried Akira's father could be there any minute. But then an hour passed, and a second hour. Eiji had exhausted his own thoughts and his social media feeds. And it seemed Ash and Akira were content to continue sleeping well into the day. Eventually, Eiji nudged Ash awake.
"Huh!?" Ash jolted awake. "What?" He asked, clearly disoriented as he woke.
"Shhhh," Eiji motioned to Akira. "It's almost eleven," Eiji whispered. "I think we should call her dad."
The phone went to voicemail three times before Eiji gave up trying to reach Akira's dad.
"Who the fuck just forgets to pick up their kid?" Eiji asked angrily.
Thankfully, they had retreated upstairs so as to not wake Akira.
Ash eyed him, "You sound like me." He paused contemplatively. "Only I wouldn't say that. Because I know what that's like…and I don't think it's that rare. Not everyone grew up with parents that actually love them."
"Ash— I—"
"It's whatever." He stood from where he'd been sitting on the bed. "I'll take her home," he decided.
Eiji studied his expression. His eyes were intense, gleaming with something Eiji hadn't seen since New York…or at least not since Blanca. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."
"I am," he said cooly, "It's a great idea." He began walking from the room. Eiji caught his wrist.
"Ash, no."
Ash turned wildly to face him. "What?
"You…have that look."
"What look?"
"Don't act like you don't know."
"What look?" He repeated.
Eiji's face twisted with discomfort. "That dangerous one."
"Good."
An hour later, after Akira was dressed and full from breakfast, Ash, Eiji, and Akira arrived at her home. [Wait here,] he told her before walking up to the front door, leaving her in the car. He paused in his steps halfway to the door. He retreated to the car, flinging open the passenger door. "You better come with me."
"What? Why?"
"I'm too angry for Japanese. Translate for me." His tone was sharp, fierce, like it had been back in New York.
"Well, maybe you should try calming down."
"Not gonna happen." He turned and began, again, walking towards the front door. Eiji stood still for a moment before hurrying after him.
Ash's knuckles connected with the door repeatedly, stopping only when Akira's dad flung it open.
[What the hell!?] He asked with palpable annoyance as he squinted, clearly hungover, in the now-afternoon light. He was still dressed in what he'd worn the night prior, his wrinkled shirt and pants making him appear most undignified.
"Exactly," Ash said, his voice dangerously calm.
Eiji tried to match his tone as he translated. Akira's father's eyes darted back and forth between Eiji and Ash. It was well past noon, yet it was far too early and he was far too hungover.
"What. The. Hell. It's past noon. Were you ever planning to answer your phone? Or call Eiji? Or drop by? Or fucking wake up?!"
[Come on! She loves it at your—]
"No." Ash stared into his soul. "Just shut up. I'm not finished." He turned to Eiji. "And you better translate everything. If I wanted to pull punches I would, you know that." He turned back towards Akira's dad, "You can't just do that to a kid. It's not fair. And I would know! My mom left me and my dad was a no-good drunk. So I know what it's like to feel neglected! You can't do that to her. You can't just forget her. That makes her feel like shit. To think her own parents don't care to take the time to pick her up. She's not a damn dog! She's a human and she's your fucking daughter!"
Ash stepped forward, grabbing the collar of the man's shirt angrily, causing his eyes to widen in fear. "Do you know how lucky you are to have her?! Not everyone can have that! And you treat her like shit! Like she means nothing to you! You disgust me." Ash released his grip, shoving him as he did so, and fell silent as Eiji finished translating with tears in his eyes.
Ash closed his eyes and inhaled shakily. When he opened them they were still fierce, but some of the rage was gone. [Now, go apologize to her.]
[A-apolo—]
[Apologize.] He pointed to the car. In it, Akira sat, reddened face pressed up against the car window. Ash grabbed his shirt again and shoved him in the direction of the car. [Apologize.]
He stumbled toward the car in his socks. He stopped halfway to the car, muttering something about not knowing what to say. He looked back at Ash, like a child who'd done wrong seeking mercy, but Ash only glared at him with eyes that said 'go on.'
When he reached the car, he hesitated before grabbing the door handle. [Akira, I—]
[I don't care!] She was out of the car before he could speak another word. She dodged her father, running toward the house.
Ash calmly stepped in her path. He squatted down to her level as she reached him. [Wait?]
And she did. She stopped in her tracks.
[You have every right to be angry…but let him speak?]
Tears spilled down her face. Her voice cracked as she shouted at Ash, [I don't want to! I don't care what he has to say!]
[Fair enough.]
She ran around him and into the house, slamming the door behind her.
[Akira! How dare—-]
Ash was inches from his face in mere seconds, hands on his shirt collar once more. [Shut it. I saw what your wife did to her arm, you scum, you lay one finger on her and I swear—]
[Are you threatening me?] He had the nerve to ask, smugly, as Ash snarled inches from his face.
[Well, I was, before you so rudely interrupted me.]
Eiji set a firm hand on Ash's shoulder. "Ash."
[Pretty sure the police would side with me, asshole,] Ash hissed.
[If you think I'm such a horrible father why don't you take her and raise her yourself?] He hissed back.
[Don't fucking tempt me.] With that Ash released him. [I'm serious,] he threatened over his shoulder as he walked away. [You lay one finger on her and I'll make sure you never do again.]