Chapter 7

The sun was shining when I'd finally woken up the next morning, but my bed was empty. Sitting up, I noticed a small piece of folded paper on the pillow Bella used last night.

773-360-2005

Anytime

Xo, Bella

I sat, staring at her note and committing her handwriting to memory for a couple of minutes. Even the smallest things she did fucking got under my skin. I couldn't understand it, but didn't try to; I learned my lesson the night before. She was right from the get go, of course: we were just two people who had sex and we'd just let the rest happen. It wasn't a big fucking deal, and as long as I didn't make it into one in my own head, it would stay that way.

Once I was out of bed, I fished my dead cell phone out of my dresser drawer and plugged it in, eager to add Bella's number to my contacts. I didn't use it much; the only people I talked to were, at max, a short walk away. Bella included, but I couldn't resist the appeal of being able to call her whenever I fucked wanted to.

Leaving my phone to charge, I headed out of my bedroom and down to the kitchen, fucking starving after yesterday's fasting. Alice was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for me, of course.

"Bella stayed here last night?"

Of course those were the first words out of her mouth.

"Good morning to you, too, sister." I grumbled as I poured myself a cup of coffee, thankful she'd woken up before me to brew it.

"Yeah, yeah. Good morning." She rolled her eyes. "So, what's the deal with you guys? Are you still going with that 'just friends' thing? Because you're certainly not fooling me, brother."

I groaned, sitting down at the table next to Alice. I took a slow sip of my black coffee before I answered her. "We are just friends who have sex. Is that too complicated to understand?"

"No, but you've had friends who you'd have sex with before, and they never spent the night in your bed. In fact, I can't think of a single occasion where you'd actually had a girl in your room, besides me of course."

I opened my mouth to answer her, but she cut me off. "And Bella." She added with a smirk.

"Jesus, Alice. You're relentless, do you know that?"

"Yes." She smiled at me. "I also know all sorts of things Bella said about you yesterday that I was going to share, but now I'm not so sure that I will. It seems like your bad attitude is back."

I shot her a glare, growing aggravated at this game she was playing with me. I knew she could see right through me, see that I obviously felt differently about Bella than I had about the rest of the skanks I'd slept with over my high school career. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why she was so desperate to get me to spill my guts to her.

If I said how I felt out loud, it would become real. I could not let that happen. For Bella's sake, at the very least.

"Tell me what she said." I demanded.

"No."

"What do you want from me?" I pleaded with her, desperate to stop this harassment.

"I just want you to be honest with me, Edward. You used to tell me everything, I think."

I exhaled slowly, trying to keep my composure. "Alice. I do tell you everything. I don't know what else I can tell you."

"Tell me how you feel about Bella and I'll tell you how she feels about you."

I groaned again, unwilling to deal with her torment any longer. "I don't know how I feel, Alice! I like her. She's different from those other whores I've slept with, you know that."

Alice's eyes narrowed at my choice of words, but she remained quiet, waiting for me to continue.

"I don't know how I feel. I'm too fucked up to fucking understand how I feel, and I don't want to, because I'm fucking scared of feeling anything. Why are you making me come out and say this?" I grumbled, racking my hands through my bed head.

Alice placed her tiny hand on my forearm. "It's okay to have feelings, Edward."

"Fuck!" I spat, sitting up so quickly I knocked the chair over behind me. "How many times are you going to say the same shit to me, Alice? I feel like you're doing this on purpose. You're killing me."

Alice didn't fucking flinch at my outburst. She knew what she was doing. She was trying to fucking break me down, lower my defenses enough to tell her what she wants to know.

It wasn't going to fucking work.

"You know what? Fuck off, Alice. Don't tell me what Bella said, I don't need to know." I turned to leave the room, heading for the front door so I could have a cigarette in peace. And have a clear sight of Bella's front door, in case she decided to make an appearance. Just the thought of seeing her calmed me down, if only minutely.

"Wait, Edward." Alice's little voice came from behind as she scurried up next to me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I was actually trying to do the opposite of that, I just got carried away."

"What does that mean?" I asked her, exasperated by her games.

"Bella told me I was too hard on you yesterday. She's right, I think. I need to take our differences into consideration more often."

I sighed, finally turning to face my sister. "We are different, Alice."

"I know. I get it now, I think. So, I'm sorry for being dramatic yesterday and I'm sorry for trying to pry information out of you today. I'm going to try to do better."

"You don't have to do anything better, Al. You're the best and you know it. You're literally the only person in my life I understand my feelings for. I'll love you no matter what torture you put me through, okay?"

She smiled sadly at me, her eyes seeming displeased at my words, though I wasn't fucking sure why. "I love you, too, brother. We'll get through this together."

With those words, she skipped off, leaving me feeling more fucking confused than ever. Get through what? I didn't fucking know, but I'd already used too much of my brain power on trying to figure out what the fuck Alice was talking about for one day. This one would have to wait.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I managed to resist all day. It wasn't until I was getting into bed that I finally caved, giving in to my desires and just letting things happen, like I'd convinced myself I was supposed to do.

Grabbing my cell phone from the bedside table, I dialed the number.

"Hello?" Her voice came from the other side of the phone, soothing me instantly, though I noted it simply wasn't the same as hearing her in person.

"Bella. It's Edward."

"Oh! You got my note." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"I did," I was smiling, too, spellbound by Bella without even having her in front of me.

She must have been a powerful witch in another lifetime. I'd have to ask her for her family history.

"I guess I was just making sure you gave me your real phone number."

I heard Bella's big belly laugh from the other side of the phone. "Shit, I didn't even think of that."

We chatted for a while about nonconsequential bullshit, each word coming from her mouth sending me deeper into her transe. I felt so fucking…relaxed, just laying in bed and talking to my girl.

Well, she was kind of my girl.

So, in my state of relaxation, my verbal filter began breaking down, as it did so fucking often when I spoke to Bella. Before I knew it, I was confessing my unrelenting need for her once again.

"I wish you were here," I told her, swallowing hard once the words came out of my mouth, always frightened of her response.

She was quiet for a few moments.

"Charlie just went to bed." Her voice finally came from the other line. "I can be there in fifteen minutes."

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

That cold night in Early December was the beginning of something fucking beautiful.

Bella started coming to my room every night after that. At first, one of us would call the other, complaining of insomnia or unrelenting horniness before I'd plead for her to come over. After a while, she began to just walk across the street when she was ready, throwing a rock at my window to indicate her presence so I would unlock the door.

She would always fall asleep in my bed, naked and pressed up against me. It wasn't until I heard her breathing even out with sleep that I would allow myself to wrap my arms around her and hold her to me. I just wasn't comfortable with expressing my unyielding need for her while she was awake; it was growing with each night we spent together, and it frightened me.

I was getting weird about it. I would not allow her to know.

If she noticed how intense my attraction to her was growing, she didn't hint at it. In fact, she was always gone by the time I'd wake in the morning, giving me no indication of how she felt after the nights we shared together.

I assumed she left as to keep herself out from Charlie's radar. Bella was eighteen, like me, but her father actually gave a shit about her, so she tried to abide by his rules. Or at least pretend she did.

Despite the nights we shared together, things remained more or less the same as they were during the day. Bella still walked home with Alice and I, though we were now always joined by Jasper and Rosalie; it seemed my sister had taken her relationship with my friend to the 'next level.' I didn't ask what that meant, unwilling to hear any details on how Jasper was fucking my sister.

I still snuck out of fourth period early every day, needing to hear Bella's performances from the band room. Though it was clear she didn't actually know she was performing, for me or anyone, for that matter. Occasionally I'd catch her slipping up on a song, screaming out "fuck!" and smashing her hands down on the keys. It was fucking adorable, if I was being honest with myself, and I was growing to enjoy these moments almost as much as I enjoyed hearing her play.

The South Side was quiet as everyone winded up for Christmas. There were no parties to be found throughout the neighborhood; just silent nights, lit up by the holiday lights folks were decorating their homes with.

Not my home, of course. I wasn't even sure if Dad knew what month it was. We hadn't celebrated a Christmas in the Masen house since Mom died.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

A few days before Christmas break, I sat on my bed waiting for the familiar sound of a pebble hitting my glass window.

I was fast to the front door when it came.

As soon as I let Bella inside the house, I knew something was off. She looked tired, more so than she usually did at this time, with dark purple rings under her eyes. She was quiet as we made our way upstairs and to my room, and remained that way as she folded herself up on my bed.

"What's going on, beautiful?" I asked her, no longer trying to prevent myself from calling her pet names or whatever the fuck came out of my mouth. It was exhausting, and Bella never seemed to mind what I said.

"I'm going away for Christmas." She said sadly.

My heart clenched at the thought. I had not spent a night without Bella in weeks, and I didn't fucking want to. I wasn't sure if I was able to sleep without her by my side anymore.

I wasn't going to tell her that, unwilling to admit that I'd become reliant on her presence. It was exactly what I had promised myself I would not do; but I was hopeful that if she didn't know the effect she had on me, I would not be able to pull her down. She could remain on the cloud I held her on, safe and untouched by my drowning form so far below her.

I did wonder if her obvious sadness was a result of having to be away from me, as well.

"Oh," I said, planting myself next to her on the mattress. "Where to?"

"Phoenix." She spoke quietly as her little hand reached for mine. I took it between both of my palms, needing to feel her warmth with as many points of contact as possible. "I'm going to see my mom."

Oh. That explained her demeanor tonight. I didn't know she still had any sort of relationship with her mother, but I assumed it must have been tumultuous.

"I didn't know you still talked to her," I admitted. She laughed sadly.

"I don't. I haven't."

Confused, I asked her why she was going to Phoenix, then. She admitted to me her mother had reached out to Charlie, letting him know the man she'd been living with, Phil, had died. Bella assumed it was an overdose, which made sense to me, knowing he came from the South Side. Her mother pleaded with Charlie to come save her from her loneliness, and he declined.

"I can't just leave her there to fucking die, Edward. I have to at least try to help her."

My sweet Bella's eyes welled up with tears as she spoke. It was the first time I'd seen her cry; the first time she'd shown me any sign of weakness, really.

"Do you think she's getting fucked up, too?" I asked her, sure the answer would be yes. Drug addicts tended to stick together, after all.

"Oh, definitely. I'm surprised she wasn't the one they found fucking dead in the street."

"How long will you be gone?" I finally asked, desperation seeking into my voice. From the way it sounded, it could be an extensive trip. You don't save an addict overnight. I would know.

Bella shrugged. "I don't know. A few days, maybe a week." She said, sniffling.

I reached out and caught a fallen tear off her cheek. I had a strange urge to taste it, but refrained.

"I'm not going to let her take over my life." Bella added, her usual strength seeping back into her voice. "I'm just going to remind her she's not alone, and hopefully get her on the right track. I will not let her take over my life. I am not her fucking savior."

Her words cut through me as she spat them, reminding me of how I'd been so adamantly not admitting to her how much she was saving me by simply being here. She was fucking smart, smarter than me, and she knew what it meant to try to rescue the drowning. Bella would not let herself be like my mother, as I had feared. She was strong and independent and as much as the notion comforted me, it frightened me more.

Because she was rescuing the drowning, even if she didn't know it.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

The night before she left for Arizona, we shared a joint in bed, naked and satiated from the last few hours of being with each other.

"Come here," I told her as I inhaled smoke. She brought her face up to mine, getting the hint, and pressed her lips up against my own so I could exhale the smoke back into her lungs.

She took it gracefully, exhaling it again into my face. I smiled as I felt her breath touch my skin, letting my eyes close so I could properly feel the fucking relaxation her presence brought to me.

"I'm worried about leaving Charlie." She admitted, taking another long drag of our joint. "He's going to be all alone. Harry invited him to spend Christmas night with his family, but of course my dad is fucking adament about having his fish fry for the neighborhood, so he declined."

"I'll definitely head over there for some fish, if that makes you feel better."

Her tiny frame shook with a silent chuckle. "It does, actually. Thank you."

"For you? Anything," I told her, more honestly than she could have possibly known.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Christmas came and went without much to do. I missed Bella's company terribly each night, finding it nearly impossible to drift off to sleep without her warmth next to me, but I kept my misery to myself. Alice was too busy being in love with Jasper to notice if I was acting any differently, regardless. She even spent the holiday with him, leaving me alone for the majority of the day until I'd decided to head over to the Swan residence for some of Charlie's fish.

I called up Emmett, inviting him over with me. He accepted, thank god; I wasn't sure what excuse I could come up with for showing up there on my own. I doubted Charlie knew I was fucking his daughter every night, anyways.

I met up with Emmett outside my house and we made our way down the street to Bella's together.

"So, are you and Bella like, a thing now?"

Fuck. Why couldnt anyone leave it the fuck alone?

"Nah, not really." I lied. I didn't know what Bella and I were, and I didnt want to have to name it, but we were most certainly some type of thing. "We hook up a lot. That's all."

Emmett scoffed. "Whatever you say, dude. I certainly don't go to a chick's house for Christmas after I hook up with them."

"She's not even here, bro. She's in Arizona." Apparently, knowing this was giving myself away a bit more than I would have liked, judging by the way Emmett raised his brows at me.

I went on with my excuses, anyway, ignoring him. "Charlie makes some good fish. I'm fucking hungry, and thats why we're going."

"Hey, man, you're never going to hear me complain about free food. Let's fucking do it."

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I called Bella when I got home from her Dad's full of fish and horny as shit. Spending even five minutes in Bella's house was enough time to have her scent seep into me, the patchouli and marijuana smells coming from her room going straight to my dick.

Unfortunately for me and my penis, she didn't answer my call. In fact, I hadn't heard from her at all since she left.

Maybe she was busy- it was a few hours earlier out on the West coast. Plus, I was sure spending time with her mother after not seeing her for years was consuming. I couldn't blame Bella if she was too tired to talk after dealing with all of that.

Still, I couldn't help but think about how I would feel were I to be in her shoes, and I was confident the only thing I'd want to do would be talking to Bella.

So, after jerking off to memories of the nights we shared in my bed together, back when she used to fucking talk to me, i attempted sleep, though it came sporadically and drenched in nightmares of Christmas pasts, from before Bella lit up my life like that star on the tree her father had placed so delicately in the livingroom.