And into the fray we go!
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Winter of the White Wolf
Chapter 70 - Trust
Summary:
After the containment shield suddenly drops, Barnes comes face-to-face with King T'Challa, General Okoye, and Princess Shuri and they discuss what potential next-steps lay ahead for him…
Logically, Barnes knew that with enough time, reassurance, compliance, and perhaps a little negotiation, there'd been a chance King T'Challa and General Okoye might've been willing to consider retracting the undulating orange energy shield that'd contained him since shortly after they'd left him here two days ago. It tracked that this remote location was suboptimal, and that it was likely to be traded for a more formal cage if he wasn't careful.
Somewhere along the way, his tactical mind had run numbers and come to the conclusion that the best possible outcomes he could imagine assumed that what lay before him was would be a gently orchestrated conversation. A push and pull of awareness of what was to come so they could gauge his reactions ahead of any decisions. While Nomble had been quick to admit she could not speak for either her King or General, she felt confident they would do their best to be straightforward with him. "It would be out of character for them to tell you a mockingbird's lies in order to test you, though I cannot say it is outside of the realm of possibility," she'd confessed, "but I can tell you from experience that General Okoye is not beyond wielding the unexpected in order to see into the hearts of those around her."
He'd been preparing for another round of interrogation. Instead the barrier that separated him from the outside world was gone in an instant, and he was left standing in a grassy open meadow.
… Not three feet away from the King of Wakanda and its highest-ranking General.
Beyond the sudden absence of the hazy orange glow of the shield, it was as if the intensity of his surroundings came into crisp focus all at once. The sun felt a little warmer on his neck, like it was finally free to seep through the fabric and settle into him. The cacophony of birdsongs and the distant thrum of Warrior Falls was just a little louder, and the scent of wild grass, mountain sage, and lavender was more pronounced than it had been a second earlier.
And the three people standing directly in front of him – General Okoye, King T'Challa, and Princess Shuri – they hadn't moved closer in relation to him, but they felt closer.
He could make out the immediate pitch in their breathing, the slight uptick that fell out of rhythm with their pacing from only a moment before. More than that, he could make out the subtle differences between their scents. The aged leather that wrapped around Okoye, and the seasoned clothing that held hints of sweat and the iron bite of blood that no amount of laundering could ever truly wash away. T'Challa's scent was musky, with a faint air of cloves and murmured herbs Barnes couldn't readily identify, and Shuri's was punctuated with a short burst of espresso on her breath and the fresh scent of linen on her bright, fashionable clothing.
Barnes didn't move a muscle, and he found he had to coax himself to breathe normally. Whatever 'normal' was. Right now, he was struggling to remember what the correct pace was even supposed to be. He didn't appreciate the quick shock of adrenaline that the shield's sudden disappearance shot through his system, a bright flare of renewed tension that swiftly transported him from a semi-structured mental place carefully focused on words, inflection, and body language, and sent his entire system into overdrive.
His heart pounded. How could it be so hard to breathe?
Every bit of him felt raw and exposed, and even though the people around him were no longer strangers to him, he didn't miss the increased tension each held in their hands and shoulders. Ayo, Yama, and Nomble, the three furthest members of the Dora Milaje, waited a measured beat before smoothly pivoting in his direction, and though their movements were done with structured intention with their spears pointed at the sun-lit clouds and not him, Barnes was intrinsically aware that every single one of them stood poised at the ready for whatever came next.
And that one wrong move could put his future at-risk in more ways than one.
The loudest part of his psyche screamed that he needed to be thrust into high alert, to calculate percentages on actions and contingencies that ran a gamut between standing his ground and reacting to a flurry of possible offensive maneuvers that could be heading his way. With decided effort, he did what he could to forcibly push those brutal possibilities down, to bury them away, because the logical part of him knew he had no plans of raising a hand against any of them.
He wasn't sure if it was the ache in his injured foot or his oxygen-starved muscles reminding him to breathe again, but he stayed put where he was and half-choked, half-sucked in a breath of air and tried not to clench his hands together. It was endlessly frustrating to acknowledge that even when his baseline instincts weren't violent, a part of them was braced for violence. Regardless of if he wanted to or not, his mind sped through some choice possibilities:
If Okoye turned his spear towards him, what would he do?
Stand firm. Not react.
If she attempted to grapple or restrain him?
Barnes did his best to be mindful of his expression as he imagined it, at the thought of someone touching him again without his consent.
He was frustratingly accustomed to it, certainly, but he didn't want to go back to that life.
…Even so:. if Okoye chose to shackle him, his best option was to remain still and compliant. He knew that much.
But accepting that he shouldn't react to whatever came next… Barnes found the fact that he didn't know what to expect profoundly disconcerting. The feeling was only enhanced by the fact he was doing his best to take in all seven of the faces surrounding him at once, like there were hidden clues to be deciphered among them if he looked hard enough.
Like the tattoos on Okoye's scalp. Did they mean something too?
Was he staring?
He didn't mean to stare.
The burning in Barnes's chest, reminding him to take in another gulp of air.
Adding to the poignant wave of discomfort was Sam's immediate reaction. He'd been observing the proceedings from a short distance away, silently drinking in the latest exchanges with his hands on his hips in a pose Yama'd once called 'remarkably comic book heroic' before Barnes had questioned if his tight-fitting shirt was a necessary part of the established 'look.'
Back then, Sam'd flustered at the accusation, but there wasn't any playfulness in his expression now.
When the shield had suddenly dropped, Sam'd backpedaled so quickly he'd nearly stumbled over himself and into Ayo. His eyes went wide as they whipped to either side of him, looking for answers, and Barnes could just barely make out his whisper to the woman standing closest to him, as if he was hoping she might have some insight into where this was all headed, "Ayo…?"
Though Barnes felt certain she'd heard him, Ayo said nothing in response. Instead, her poise held firm and her deep brown eyes briefly pivoted in Sam's direction in what Barnes interpreted as a request for him to remain still and silent. Once she was satisfied, Ayo turned her attention back to Barnes and kept it there as she held his gaze.
Steady.
Alert.
He did what he could to try to read what her eyes were trying to say to him, what they wished to communicate, but Barnes found it wasn't so much words as an intensity of focus that told him she was here with him, but she could not interject herself between him and Okoye. That he would need to speak for himself rather than relying on others to come to his aid, or translate his meaning.
The anchored gazes of both Nomble and Yama spoke to similar layers of solemn responsibility. Though their faces remained at a Dora's neutral, Barnes could tell hints of compassion still bleeding their expressions. He tried to focus on that, on the fact their spears remained upright.
…And not the fact that all four of them were casually poised with their fingers set to toggle on the electrical node on his shoulder if they felt the situation called for it.
In passing, he wondered if there was a chance Okoye might toggle it simply to gauge his reaction. He hoped not, but some part of him filed away the possibility as not insignificant as he told himself for not the first time that his only real choice was to not react. To bear whatever pain and discomfort he needed to as a display of his willingness to not lash out.
How strange to think that the many years of excruciating training HYDRA'd set upon him might be deemed remarkably useful even now that he was free of their command.
Barnes had been so deep in his own head that it took him a moment to come back into himself and realize no one had spoken since the shield had dropped. Had he been staring again? Sam told him he sometimes starred without realizing it. That it could be unnerving.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Barnes kept his body locked in place and allowed his eyes to take in the three people standing nearest to him again: Okoye, T'Challa, and Shuri. Their expressions were tight too, like they were picking him apart with their eyes.
Especially Okoye.
Was he allowed to ask questions, or was he supposed to wait? He was capable of waiting. He could stand here all afternoon and clear into the next day if that's what they asked of him.
But why weren't any of them talking? What were they waiting for? He kept his body deathly still, even though his tell-tale heart threatened to beat right out of his chest, "...What are you planning to do with me?"
Was his tone acceptable? Had it been too deep, that it could be misinterpreted as threatening? He kept his hands clenched together over his lap, wishing for not the first time there was a better way for him to get across not only his regret for what had happened, his appreciation for their desire to help him, to hear him out, but also his standing willingness now to not be a threat to any of them.
Not as long as his mind stayed as it was, he was quick to remind himself.
T'Challa eyed the blue, gold, and black shawl slung over his shoulder, the one the panther-cloaked King had insisted was a gift to remind their friend that he was among friends and allies. Apparently satisfied, T'Challa tilted his chin to meet Barnes's gaze. The King looked remarkably unphased considering he now stood only a single step outside of grappling range of Barnes's nearest hand. But then: as well-dressed and composed as T'Challa appeared, wearing that clove-scented embroidered long-coat of his that was almost familiar, the King was clearly formative in close-combat, to a degree that not only surprised Barnes, but would have given him pause had he been set on further violence against the ruler.
Which he clearly wasn't. And hopefully his tactically-trained eyes weren't sending any mixed messages.
"For now?" T'Challa observed in that rich, pleasantly rhythmic voice of his, "I would like to talk without the bars of a cage between us. My sister tells me that she's advised you to return to her lab for further testing, but that you've declined her request."
Shuri did not look nearly as uncomfortable as Sam a few steps behind her, but it was clear the sudden change in circumstances has prompted her to shift her approach as well, "Barnes did not decline it outright," she saw fit to specify, "Only that he would prefer to wait until an intervention is necessary."
Barnes didn't miss the single eyebrow that Ayo raised at Shuri's pointed clarification. He couldn't be certain, but he thought it might be Shuri's way of speaking up on his behalf. But that being as it was, Barnes got the impression that T'Challa had meant for Barnes to come to his own defense, but the underlying intent of Shuri's words were not lost on him, and that she wished to assist him in formulating an acceptable reply, "I don't want to risk any experiments unmaking me, unless I'm out of time and there aren't any other, better options. But I'm not unwilling to go," Barnes clarified, keeping his eyes focused on T'Challa, "Just not yet. At least as long as I have a choice in the matter."
He hadn't intended the words to carry an undercurrent that could be misinterpreted as a challenge, but T'Challa caught it immediately. Rather than react, he simply raised an inquisitive eyebrow, "You would come willingly?"
It was a fair question, and Barnes gnawed his lip before he swallowed, biting down the bile in his stomach, but already knowing his answer, "I would." Barnes did his best to keep his tone as even as his posture, "I wouldn't fight you, and I wouldn't run. We're past that. But…" he glanced to Shuri before reminding himself he should probably continue to address T'Challa under the circumstances. "I modified the shield while I was up here. To collect additional data about my vitals. And my brain. Shuri and her scientists need that to help me."
A evaluatory expression tugged at the corner of T'Challa's lips, "So I've been told. More impressive yet: You modified it and leveraged its privacy protocols to collect your personal medical data without others realizing it. A not insubstantial feat."
…Was that… a compliment?
…From T'Challa?
The King continued, "But rather than continue to rely on the containment shield or be pressed to return to the Design Center, I had hoped you might prefer to utilize another option altogether that has been developed with your specific needs in mind." With that, T'Challa smiled pleasantly and glanced to his left, formally giving Shuri the floor to speak.
By the knowing look the two siblings shared, Barnes bet there had been a conversation between them that he wasn't privy to, but by Shuri's direct manner and steady eye contact, he was inclined to believe she thought highly of this third option.
Whatever it was.
Though Shuri hadn't stepped back when the shield went down between them, Barnes didn't miss that her eyes now briefly glanced down to the location where the undulating orange barrier once stood between them. There was something else in her gaze though. An additional layer of unspoken subtext that he couldn't quite pinpoint.
Not initially at least.
His next clue was not T'Challa and Okoye's silent vigil over Shuri's interactions with him, but the fact the two newcomers to their group broke contact long enough to share a not insignificant with their eyes alone spoke volumes. It made Barnes wonder if some part of this exercise was a test not just for him, but Shuri as well. A way to see how much she trusted him, and how far that fragile trust would extend now that there was only mountain air separating them.
But by quiet warning in Okoye's eyes, and the firm manner in which her battle-ready hand remained gripped around the shaft of her spear, her fingers a hair away from the trigger for the electrical node on his shoulder… that trust was precarious at-best. Not that Barnes planned to test Okoye's reaction time, certainly. He had no doubt that even though the point of her spear wasn't flared at him, she was just as coiled and ready to strike as any serpent if she caught the faintest whiff of anything that drew her ire.
There weren't many people that genuinely intimidated him, maybe even scared him, but she was one of them.
Shuri's upbeat and carefully measured voice pulled his attention back to her, "Knowing that you did not desire to return to the lab prematurely, I have been working with my scientists on another option that would grant us the ability to continue to monitor you remotely, while not being pressed to remain under the shell of a shield." She turned her attention to T'Challa, "You did bring what I asked of you, yes?"
The King smiled lightly, their calm rapport a salve to Barnes's frail nerves,"As if you would allow me to forget." With a slow and steady movement that Barnes was certain was tempered to not draw concern, T'Challa reached inside the pocket of his deep purple, grey, and silver-embroidered jacket to produce a small palm-sized silver case he promptly handed to Shuri.
His sister smiled graciously and opened it, turning the small case around so Barnes could see its contents. Inside were two small semi-translucent silver diodes that were no wider than a coin. Each was marked with small symbols representing letters of the Wakandan alphabet which he quickly translated to "L" and "R." He wasn't sure what expression he made when he saw them, but he was certain Shuri must've picked up on the many questions he had concerning the innocuous-looking devices, "They are based on technologies from communication devices that offer unlimited range, but I have added new configurations to allow them to take localized scans." She touched the muscle running just behind one ear, "They sit here, on either side, and when activated, they can collect data much like the shield, but with far greater precision. Not as much as my lab," she was quick to add, "But an agreeable amount."
Was this a glorified attempt to meet him in the middle? "And I have to wear them."
Barnes's deadpan was returned by a sigh and brief eye roll from Shuri, "If you wish to have further data collected so we can help you, I had thought this a preferable alternative. But if you find the ambiance of a shielded collection more to your taste, it can of course be discussed. I will not force this on you." She paused a moment before being compelled to add, "But ceasing to collect any data at all would be a profoundly isidenge* decision.
She didn't need to be so defensive. It wasn't as if he was stubborn enough to believe it wasn't to his own benefit to monitor whatever it was that was going on with his brain.
A manly grumble escaped his lips as he eyed the nodes critically, "They look a lot like the ones I was wearing in the lab here. When I woke up."
"They are not the same," Shuri was quick to specify, "Those diodes were fabricated with the intention of stimulating rapid eye movement, while these are profoundly incapable of such impulses. They have been manufactured specifically for our purposes, which is to collect data. Due to their origins, they can also be used as a two-way communication device, but both functionalities would be under your full control, of course."
His eyes searched her face, seeking out if there was more she wasn't telling him, if maybe they were crafted with an ability, or even the intention to unmake him. But, as ever: her gaze remained firm and unwavering. Her resolve was unmistakable, and if anything, he suspected she was hoping he would find himself inclined to acquiesce to the alternative she'd posed. One which didn't require him to immediately return to her lab, or remain within a shield to enable further data collection.
The muscles in his face twitched as he deliberated his options, the smart ones at least. He wasn't thrilled about the thought of having a pair of monitoring devices attached to him, but given the circumstances, how was that much different from the electrical node on the back of his shoulder? At least these had the possibility of shedding light on his situation, maybe even a solution beyond waiting out the next few days under a shield somewhere until his mind slowly began to unravel again.
…Did that mean they were considering letting him leave his particular mountaintop? "And they can't generate that REM electrical field, like before?" he asked again, because it was important.
"They cannot," she assured him, "And while it is my hope that the cautionary node on your shoulder is not used again, we have also done tests to ensure neither its presence nor pulse would harm the functionality of the proposed biological sensors or risk further disrupting your mind."
"Well that's reassuring."
The Princess snorted lightly, and Barnes could see some of the tension she'd built-up in her face slowly release as they fell back into a familiar cadence of conversation, "Well?"
"If I don't like them, can I take them off?"
"Of course," she assured him. "Though I would ask you to speak with me about it beforehand so there is not an unfortunate lapse in data collection as there is right now."
Barnes did his best to ignore the many eyes waiting for his response, but didn't miss the meaningful glance Okoye exchanged with T'Challa. The sight of it made Barnest evermore certain that their choice to drop the shield preemptively was indeed brought about by a desire to prompt Shuri and he to interact without a protective shield between them. To diagnose how it potentially altered their dynamic.
…Did that mean they knew she hadn't stepped inside the barrier with him?
But beneath the tension in his muscles and the ache in his lungs that reminded him to breathe… wasn't the choice to drop the shield itself, however temporarily, also a display of trust? That they were willing to take that risk at all?
"Alright," he concluded after some consideration, "I'll wear them."
Shuri's face immediately lit up, "May I…?" she gestured between them, but he didn't miss the slight tremble in her outstretched fingers, as if a part of her was still privately nervous about their proximity, but she intended to mask it as best she could for everyone's benefit.
The sight of Shuri's quiet discomfort prompted Barnes to glance across the meadow to Ayo, who remained on guard. He hoped she knew how profoundly self-aware he was about the delicate situation they'd found themselves in, and that he had not the slightest intention of doing so much as moving a muscle if Shuri stepped closer to him, because he sure as Hell wasn't about to step forward across the boundary line, even if it was no longer there. No: His feet were staying planted right where he was.
While he wanted to think Ayo, Yama, and Nomble could grasp his desire to remain utterly compliant, he was well aware that all of them remained alert and ready to act at a moment's notice. He tried not to take the visible tension he saw in them personally, reminding himself for not the first time that they were trained for contingencies, especially after what had happened in the lab. That their willingness to step in and defend their charges wasn't a reflection of how much they trusted him.
Logically, he knew it shouldn't, but it hurt. Just a little.
He returned his attention to Shuri, "Yeah, sure. You can place the nodes."
Barnes could still smell the sweet espresso on her breath as she clutched the case in one hand and bobbed her head, stepping carefully over the invisible line where the barrier once stood between them. Her slender fingers plucked the first of the two diodes free, and he slowly turned his head so the matching side of his neck was easily accessible. When he caught a momentary question float across her face, he observed, "I assume the symbols are for 'right' and 'left'...?"
The genius princess snorted lightly, amused that he'd picked up on the small detail, "You would be correct. Using them as a pair allows for not only redundancy, but more refined data collection for our many questions."
While her words were smooth and unhurried, Barnes got the impression she might've been buying time to negotiate with her own nerves, which had a way of making him feel better and worse at the same time. Better, because he could certainly relate, but worse, because he was well aware that like it or not: his presence was the underlying cause of that distress.
He did his best to control his breathing as his mind scrambled to recall the details of how Yama and Nomble had looked when they'd first entered the dome two days earlier. Barnes hadn't been able to read their expressions, not really, but some part of him grasped the subtle shift of them being swiftly classified as armed combatants to individuals who might have been genuinely trying to offer aid. Beyond their words, what clues had he picked up on? Was it something about their posture that wordlessly communicated they were not beset on threatening him?
A day later, Nomble'd once teased Yama that she'd grown overly accustomed to using her dulcet tones in cat cafes, an accusation that Yama'd swiftly returned with the toss of a well-aimed pillow.
But Barnes did what he could to take another lesson from the book of Yama and kept his head down and turned to the side so his neck was easily accessible and infused as much intention into his posture as possible. With resounding purpose, he kept his hands right where they were, positioned tightly over his lap so they were clearly visible and wrapped neatly over one another so his vibranium hand was pressed out of the way against his body. The best that he could hope for was that Shuri, her brother, and the four alert Dora Milaje standing at the ready nearby could draw some amount of reassurance from his body language that he didn't intend to move a muscle against her.
He trusted her.
And he wanted her to trust him.
Like she trusted their friend.
Shuri met his eyes only briefly as she went straight to work. The movements of her clinically-trained hands were quick and intentional, but Barnes was surprised her fingers made no direct contact with his skin. All he felt was the cool touch of smooth, polished metal as she placed the first diode against his neck behind one ear and then the other. Once her task was complete, she took a step back and brought up her Kimoyo Beads strand to prompt a new overhead display, "I have activated them, but you will need to consent to transmission of their data."
A part of him was compelled to touch each of the new fixtures, but Barnes pushed down his needless curiosity. This wasn't like the nails along his scalp he'd once been forbidden to touch. He knew that.
With a firm nod, he slowly telegraphed the motion of his right hand to bring up his own strand of Kimoyo Beads. In a few easy gestures of his thumb and forefinger, he pulled up Shuri's access request and read over the terms and permissions before pressing the confirmation dialogue. Task complete, he looked back, hoping she'd gotten what she needed from him.
Apparently she had, because after a quick glance at her own display, she minimized the window and added in a more personal tone that meant for him alone, "Thank you."
Barnes wasn't exactly sure what she was thanking him for, but it was her brother beside her that spoke next, "You continue to wear your Kimoyo Beads on your right wrist, and use its one-handed gestures." His voice wasn't critical, but it was curious. "Do you recall being taught them?"
He shook his head, wishing for not the first time that he remembered more than he did, "No, but I was told they were a gift from the royal family, in 2016."
The man in front of him smiled warmly, "They were," he agreed, though Barnes could feel the shift in his attention, as if the King's thoughts trickled back to the present and the weight on his shoulders. "But there is another matter we must discuss, one which, like the diodes, you will have the opportunity to consent to or not."
Another request? "And what's that?"
T'Challa inclined his head, "As of yet, I've been told you've spoken honestly and without subterfuge. We appreciate this, of course, and so I take no joy in making further requests of you that would add to your discomfort when so much remains in question, but I feel it is necessary to move forward from where we stand now." He kept his words calm and measured as he specified, "And that is if you are willing to be put in a position where we would seek to provoke you–?"
"-Yes," Barnes conclusively cut-in without hesitation.
The King cocked his head, caught off guard by Barnes's uncharacteristically quick response, "Yes?"
"Yes, I consent."
T'Challa adjusted his posture as his mahogany brown eyes rested on Barnes, "I would have thought you would have questions for us. Concerns, like the diodes."
Barnes shook his head, "I remember being tested before, in Wakanda. Not all of it," he was quick to clarify, "but enough. They were a means to an end, to ensure everyone's safety. Not because other people enjoyed inflicting pain on me or anyone else. They weren't just trying to use me as a punching bag, or to see how much I can take." He set his jaw, "I know after what happened, that words and reassurances only mean so much. Actions matter more. And if all of you determine that I'm dangerous, I wouldn't want to be put in the position where I could hurt people again either. So I wanna know too. Maybe even more than you do."
In the wake of his confession, Barnes struggled to catch his breath again, and he wondered in passing if he'd said too much. If he'd been too bold or direct. If there were key protocols he'd missed or overstepped.
But T'Challa's expressive eyes stayed on his, evaluating him against what Barnes felt certain were a dozen or more unseen metrics well beyond his grasp.
From what he could tell, the ruler didn't look upset. But he was a super soldier too, or near enough. Did that mean he could tell Barnes wasn't lying to him? Was being as direct as he could? Or was that a trained skill courtesy of HYDRA?
"We have seen some of the footage my sister sent me, of you performing portions of the Guard's Dance at greatly reduced tempo with three skilled members of our Dora Milaje."
As T'Challa spoke, Barnes didn't miss the faint hint of… – distaste, was it…? – that flitted over Okoye's otherwise stoic features, but the man beside her continued, willfully unphased, "The contents of the video were unexpected, to be certain. It has been many long years since we have gathered together in this way, though the purpose then was not to move with grace, but with intent." He used a hand to acknowledge Okoye beside him, "If you still find yourself willing to be provoked, I would ask General Okoye to lead the coming exercises, for her skill in such matters far eclipse my own, and I owe a heavy debt to her wise teachings and expert instincts."
By the intense regard Okoye directed squarely at Barnes, he got the impression this was his last and perhaps only opportunity to speak up for himself if he was having second thoughts about volunteering for her undisclosed trials. He didn't need anyone to specify that were not due to be wrapped-up in the same sort of nurturing, methodical progression he'd experienced with Ayo, Yama, and Nomble.
No, Okoye planned to test him.
Was he having second thoughts?
Somewhere not very deep down, he acknowledged he probably was, but he wasn't about to let them know that. Especially Okoye. It wasn't every day he had the opportunity to volunteer to spar against skilled combatants, and while he wasn't by any stretch eager for it, he understood the necessity, and how much was at stake.
Better to find out here, with them, than risk the alternatives.
Put others at-risk with the alternatives.
But Barnes's mind was apparently set on drawing unnecessary comparisons to his experiences under HYDRA where their brand of "tests" were ever-more dehumanizing and cruel. Tests of obedience. Efficiency. Stamina. Precision. They didn't see him as a person. Merely a thing. An Asset at their command.
He hoped some portion of his thoughts hadn't surfaced for others to see, but he felt the tension in his jaw and the rigid hand gripping tight to the metal one underneath. A thousand points of pain inflicted over decades that he could only partially remember. Experiences that at the time he soldiered through, because that was the only choice he had. The only one he was given.
Had he fought back? He wanted to think he had, but he couldn't remember.
Nomble'd called it torture.
Yama'd called it something else, a slurred word that Ayo'd hissed at her never to repeat.
But this wasn't that. The request put at his feet now wasn't done out of wanton cruelty, but because they saw him, 'Barnes," but they needed to know the risk he posed to others.
And he found he needed to know too.
Barnes did his best to keep his tone submissive as he lowered his head and addressed Okoye with the question hanging on the edge of his mind, of his future, "So what do you want me to do?"
It was not Ayo's place to question her General's methods.
She trusted Okoye. Respected her. And Ayo was certain that every ounce of deep-rooted trust and respect was returned in earnest.
Which was also why Okoye had no intention of retracing what Ayo and her Lieutenants had achieved alongside Princess Shuri and Sam. To do so would serve no purpose other than to call into question their findings and experiences, and Okoye questioned neither. Their chosen methods, well… they were unusual, to be sure, and Ayo was certain she'd not heard the last on that particular topic, and would be hearing more in the coming days and weeks in private.
She could deal with that. And Okoye's cross stares? Ayo could weather those too, especially knowing now what the fruits their labor had earned them.
Okoye was intimidating, yes, but fair. And she was not cruel.
Both of them had trained together under Mistress Zola and eventually blossomed into skilled leaders amongst the Dora Milaje. They shared an unwavering loyalty to Wakanda. A responsibility. A purpose. There was rank between them now, but rank did not make for blind obedience, and in her heart, Ayo wanted Okoye here to weigh in through her own perceptions, not because it was due to be easy, but because it was the right and proper thing for all involved.
Ayo was not naive enough to think she possessed a neutral perspective to these events. She wasn't when the blue-eyed man standing before her had taken on the name White Wolf, and most certainly not now. Her thoughts were fraught with bias, and it distressed her to think of all the blindspots she was yet unaware of.
But Okoye and what Mistress Zola had affectionately called her 'tough love' approach was due to help them fill in the blanks. Ayo and Okoye complimented one another, and her presence was not meant to be a judge and jury, but a valuable counterpoint to the experiences of Ayo and her Lieutenants, and T'Challa would look to all of them for their insight. He would weigh their words alongside those of Princess Shuri, Sam, M'yra, Teela, and countless others before coming to a decision. While Ayo's duty called for her to accept whatever decision that was, she felt in her heart it would be a fair one.
Beneath the surface, Ayo hoped for an equitable outcome with Barnes, regardless of her once insubstantial misgivings surrounding James. She would not punish one to suit the other.
That was not her way.
Okoye would be vigilant, and if she found reason to fear for unsettling risks and possibilities? Well, Okoye would help her deal with those contingencies too. This was not Ayo's burden to bear alone, though sometimes it felt like she chose to make it so.
Perhaps that was why being out on the mountain like this, permitted for a time to be only "Ayo" had been nourishing in its own way?
So strange, how she would never have seen any of this coming only days ago…
From what Ayo could tell, Okoye's goal was not to befriend Barnes or break bread with him. Instead, it appeared she wished to remain an 'other' so that neither Barnes's reactions nor her own were focused around breeding empathy.
Okoye wanted to provoke him, and made it clear in her intent, though Ayo found herself wondering if Barnes had any clue what that might entail, if his memories of Wakanda contained pockets that were fully-formed around such matters, or only mere glimpses?
Though reason permeated its way into Ayo's thoughts, what she found she feared wasn't the coming exercises themselves. 'Twas not the physical exertion, or being put on display with a royal and visiting audience. It was not that her knee still pained her or that she knew there was a possibility someone could get hurt, even if they did not intend it.
No, what she found she feared was that she did not want to see their progress slip backward after they'd come so far. She did not want Barnes's trust of them, of her, to be irreparably damaged in the pursuit of justifying the relative health of his own instincts.
Especially when might not have many days left as himself. As someone he could recognize.
Days where he could still recognize them.
The unspoken worry curdled in Ayo's stomach.
But it was not Ayo's decision to make. And part of the promise that she'd made to him was to support him and help ensure he would not hurt anyone again. Unwittingly? This act was an extension of that very oath.
That being as it was, General Okoye's intent was not the same as Ayo's. And valid as that intent was, Ayo found it oddly difficult to be forced to watch Okoye confront Barnes without a scrap of desire to coddle his frayed nerves, beyond ensuring that he clearly understood the broad terms of what he'd agreed to, though absent of the details as they were.
"I do not intend to simply recreate the languid pace of the 'Sunrise Exercise' I witnessed on a video display from afar," General Okoye began, putting what Ayo felt was an unnecessarily critical tone into the moniker Princess Shuri had chosen for their early morning training activities, "but there are clear lines we will not cross, and you must not either." She kept her chin raised as she addressed the man in front of her, and while Ayo was certain she meant to keep her tone even, as if she was merely addressing a stranger or new recruit, Ayo could tell even Okoye was privately working to wrap her head around the man with White Wolf's face. It was hard not to be struck by the similarities, especially when words were left unsaid between them.
In passing, Ayo found herself wondering what James might have said to her now under different circumstances, and what words Okoye might've had for him.
"We will not take it easy on you," Okoye clarified, "We will strike at you with an intensity that is meant to swiftly subdue and disable, but not to maim or kill. It is likely you will become wounded, but we will not seek to use that pain to our advantage. Once our session is concluded, you will be given prompt treatment in an order based on the injuries shared by all."
That last bit there was an established norm among the Dora, so much so that Ayo hadn't considered airing it aloud, but she appreciated Okoye's attention to detail. Especially after being prompted to share what Ayo had about James's cruel amputation and early, prolonged suffering at the hands of HYDRA, she hoped it might offer some reassurance to Barnes to know that he would not be made to linger in pain unnecessarily, and depending on the injuries they obtained as a group, he might even receive treatment before Wakanda's two highest-ranking members of the Dora Milaje.
Ayo's mind backpedaled, hoping that such mending wouldn't be necessary, but knowing all-the-while that it would be uncharacteristic to be part of such exercises without any injuries at all.
If Okoye would have been speaking to a group of trainees, she would have been pacing like a caged great cat. Instead, she stalked Barnes intently with her eyes, "Our goal is not to test the thresholds of what afflictions you can tolerate, but to drive you to a point where you are forced to rely on your instincts alone. It is there we will strive to see if you are as tempered in your focus as you claim to be. You are expected to perform in the roles chosen for you in earnest, not simply to roll over and show our belly at the earliest opportunity. Such a display teaches us nothing. Do you understand?"
Ayo watched his pale blue eyes take in the looming presence of the seasoned General standing before him. He worked to evaluate her, and place her within the puzzle of his life, but Ayo suspected his well of experiences involving her were shallow at best.
He supplemented his research by occasionally glancing to Ayo and Lieutenants for support, as if hoping he might be able to decipher some amount of valuable insight he lacked.
Insight which they did possess, but could not, would not, tell him, because the tests to come were too important to be cheated or side-stepped with advanced knowledge.
He knew this too.
Nomble had told him as much, treading carefully around the sentiment of what he might expect from his meeting with King T'Challa and General Okoye, but keeping her words intentionally absent of specifics.
Her skill in navigating such delicate matters was impressive, even to Ayo.
T'Challa's diplomatic flare must've been rubbing off on her.
Even still, Ayo wanted to believe that their combined silent presence was a comfort, and that Barnes trusted she would be there for him if something happened. She only hoped that her promises to him would not run contrary to her oaths of service to Wakanda and the Dora Milaje, and that Okoye would not find such a test necessary.
Barnes's distress remained palpable as his searching eyes shifted back to Okoye. He licked his lips in a measured expression that Ayo interpreted as mindful for what he was about to say, "I think I understand the broad strokes, but I don't remember much from when you trained with us," he tentatively admitted. "But yeah, I remember people getting hurt as part of the training we did. It was never personal, but it happened. It was necessary to the process." Ayo didn't think he intended to indicate her with his eyes, but she felt the quiet guilt in his expression.
Okoye certainly caught it.
She followed Barnes's gaze and held it a moment before adding, "I do not plan to test your recall of injuries or events you claim not to remember. That is not the core purpose of our exercises and ones like it. We seek to provoke you in order to better understand the man we are dealing with, and what you are capable of when pressed to make critical decisions in the heat of the moment."
Barnes chewed his lip and nodded, reforming the features of his stubbled face into something surprisingly resolute. She didn't know how much Okoye could read into the expression Barnes faced her with, but it was remarkably forthright, as if he'd taken Nomble's suggestion to heart on trying to envision General Okoye and King T'Challa as extensions of their 'Pack." Though Ayo could see concern around the corners of his eyes as he held his hands together, pressing them into his lap as if they were weapons, he met Okoye's eyes when he spoke, but kept his gaze lowered, seeking to meet her and rise to her request of him, "Yeah, I understand. And I'm ready for whatever you have planned for me."
Satisfied, Okoye pursed her lips and drank in his words as she visibly deliberated over their next steps. Though King T'Challa and Princess Shuri said nothing, Sam managed to catch Ayo's attention with his eyes alone.
Ayo was guessing he didn't feel comfortable being the one to broach the silence, but his eyes said all:
Are you sure this is a good idea?
In truth? She was not, but it was the best step forward they had.
When Okoye's next words weren't immediately forthcoming, Ayo found her own, "General?"
All eyes turned to her, and even Shuri chose to cock her head, as if she found herself suitably impressed at Ayo's forthrightness.
Thankfully, Okoye was not cross for her choice to speak, "Yes?"
"Might I suggest an extension of the Guard's Dance as a formative activity?"
Okoye considered her words, rolled them around and tested them on her tongue, but Ayo could mark the precise moment she saw her General's plans solidify in her mind, "It is a worthwhile exercise, but not the one we will begin with. My intent is not to test his mettle in those chosen roles."
Ayo inclined her head, ever-accepting Okoye's decision, but hoping her General's intended approach was ultimately fruitful and would not cause Barnes any more stress than was absolutely necessary under the circumstances. She understood the roots of his willingness to do what King T'Challa and General Okoye asked of him, to consent at their behest, but especially in the wake of such troubling personal news, Ayo worried how well he was actually holding things together, and how much of the poised man she saw was a facade meant to reassure them of his fitness for their requests.
She knew HYDRA had trained in him many things, tortured his mind and body in so many ways that it wasn't a stretch to imagine that even now, conscious or not, he might be suppressing his feelings as a coping mechanism to avoid being overwhelmed by the creeping knowledge that his future was yet uncertain, and he might have only days left ahead as himself.
But Barnes wasn't angry at the news, though he had every right to be. And though he was distressed, he was not disrespectful of what questions were being asked of him. He'd chosen to consent to being provoked, and Ayo thought he would do his best to comply with the requests Okoye made of him, even if, in the end, their findings might mean he would need to remain in captivity so he couldn't hurt anyone else. She believed his words, that he would not fight their verdict or seek to run from it.
Just a few feet to Ayo's left, Sam cleared his throat in an obvious attempt to politely draw the conversation to him, "So uh… what sort of weapons are you considering then? For him, I mean."
It was hard to miss the quiet concern in his voice, or the way he self-soothed by rubbing his hands together and idly tracing the hairless lines that were quiet reminders of the recent damage Barnes had inflicted upon him. The follicle stimulator back at the lab would make the wavering seam lines across his flesh disappear in time, but… on second glance, maybe Ayo's initial read was not the correct one?
Could it be that he was idly testing his nerves for sore spots that lingered from the days before? Tenderness, and private pains that he intentionally kept to himself? Waving off one's injuries was unwise, but given the circumstances, it was not as if Ayo could place blame on others she wouldn't on herself.
She knew for certain that the worst of Barnes's injuries were mended by Yama's attentive care and the portable regeneration stabilizer Shuri'd brought along yesterday, but Ayo also knew that such portable devices were no substitute for the variety of more robust organic tissue regeneration apparatuses housed back at the lab. Though Barnes insisted he was fine, such remarkably quick reassurances had a way of flowing from all of their mouths so easily that it was hard to tell which were polite truths and which held water.
The only clue Ayo'd had that any number of them were perhaps obfuscating discomforts was due in part to her own insistence upon knowing if Barnes's once horrendously injured foot still ailed him. When he replied with a non-committal 'It's fine,' Ayo'd looked to Yama to support her cause and line of questioning, hoping she would take the lead on insisting on furthering his care.
Instead, her frustratingly observant Lieutenant had found a roundabout way of leveraging her own inquiry against her by asking her about her own leg.
When she didn't grace Yama's highly unnecessary question with an immediate answer, Yama thought to utilize Barnes's skills in being able to decipher truths against them, asking him if the others sitting around him were masking injuries of their own. Eager to pivot the topic away from his own foot, he'd pointed out that Sam was fibbing that his hands didn't bother him, Nomble still cradled the back of her neck now and then as if it was sore, and Ayo clearly favored one leg over the other.
And Yama being Yama, pointed out that his roundabout manner of answering her question implied his foot did indeed still bother him.
He didn't debate her claim, but he accepted another numbing injection before pointing out that she didn't need to gloat about her sly approach at information-gathering.
Shuri'd caught the exchange, which'd clearly been Yama and probably Barnes's intention now that Ayo was thinking about it. It led to additional rounds with the portable regeneration stabilizer and more assurances they would get further treatment when a better time presented itself, as well as a grumble from Sam to Barnes about being a traitor and 'selling them out.'
That being as it was, Ayo now wondered if any of them had thought to confess their sub-optimal conditions to Okoye, or if they were, all of them, pretending their bodies were in good form because they didn't want to risk pulling attention away from time-sensitive matters they felt were more pressing.
Well… it wouldn't be the first time.
Ayo didn't know what God or Goddess Yama gave tidings to in order to cultivate her skill at mindreading, but when their eyes met and Yama's gaze briefly dipped to Ayo's bad knee, her Lieutenant's wordless observation had a way of making Ayo feel frustratingly self-conscious in a very particular way.
Okoye cocked her head towards Sam, "Weapons?" Ayo caught a hint of amusement in her firm voice, "He requires no weapons."
Sam made a dissatisfied face at that, "I mean… that's hardly a fair fight then."
General Okoye adjusted her weight and evaluated him with a touch of mirth, "Are you asking if you would be permitted to join us in our exercise?" Ayo didn't miss that even their King smiled at Okoye's inquiry.
The plain clothed Captain America clearly hadn't been expecting that particular question to be lobbed back in his direction, and he all-but sputtered a reply, "Uh, respectfully, no. Wasn't what I was gettin' at." When Barnes shot him what might've been a slightly offended look, Sam was quick to add, "I mean maybe I'd consider it after seeing all of you at work doin' your thing, but–"
Before Sam could dig the hole any deeper, Okoye clarified, "He requires no weapons for the exercises I intend. They are not centered around the teamplay of what you might call a 'fair fight.' We will instead push him to see what decisions he makes when he is outmatched and must rely on instincts alone."
Though Ayo tried to keep her expression composed so Barnes couldn't read it, she was fairly certain she knew some of the many techniques Okoye intended to pursue.
And by the quick twinge of concern that shuddered across Barnes's face: she suspected he might suspect some as well.
[Chapter Art, by Protoguy]
[ID: An acrylic painting by Protoguy showing a thigh-up view of Ayo standing next to her spear against a blue sky. Her expression is serious, and she is gazing intently past the viewer. Behind her are six other members of the Dora Milaje who stand at the ready for battle. To our left is the faint sight of gold armor of Okoye, who stands just off-screen. End ID]
Protoguy's incredible acrylic painting of Ayo and the Dora Milaje is currently proudly hanging on my wall, and I am thrilled to be able to share it here! He painted it based on an image from Black Panther after becoming inspired by The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and I love how he captured the battle-ready sentiment of the fearsome Dora Milaje, and Ayo in particular!
Please check out this chapter on Archive of Our Own to see the art and link to his social media pages to see more of his art!
I love his use of bright colors and penchant for details on humans and painterly animals alike!
Thank you again to him for allowing me to share his beautiful work here!
Author's Remarks:
* Isidenge - Wakandan Translation: Stupid, foolish or idiotic
- Yama Utilizing Barnes as a Living Lie Detector - Now that the personalities of many of these characters are so well-established, it's fun to insert little bits like this that I can easily imagine occurring off-screen. Yama (especially since she's had some medical training) would absolutely be able to pick up on the people around her underplaying their own injuries, and would find a way to leverage Barnes to give Ayo sass about the fact she's doing it too.
I hope all of you are having a great week and are as excited about the recent announcements at D23 as I am! It's wonderful to finally have confirmation we'll be seeing both Bucky and Sam on the big screen again… a ways out in 2024.
In the meantime… we have some high-stakes trials to get back to…
Thank you endlessly for all of your kudos, comments, feedback, and kind words. It truly helps keep me nourished as I continue to write and edit this beast of a story. :)