Chapter 17
Spending that summer sunrise on a rooftop with Bella will go down as one of my best memories for the rest of my life.
We sat with our legs dangling off the edge. Bella was close enough to me that her bare thigh occasionally grazed me. We shared another blunt and some cigarettes, and just as the sky began to light up with the morning sun, Bella reached into her backpack and pulled out a bottle of whiskey.
I laughed, so fucking genuinely because my heart was so fucking full from the familiarity. It was easy to forget she belonged to someone else up there, just the two of us overlooking the nearly empty streets.
"How very Bella of you," I commented as she took a swig from the bottle. She snorted, nearly choking on the brown liquid. I laughed again, and she glared at me.
"You're lucky I swallowed that." She muttered, handing the bottle to me.
I made sure our hands brushed as I took it.
Bella pulled another cigarette from her pack, lighting it effortlessly, despite the heavy breeze up on the roof.
"It's pretty nice up here." I said, if only to hear her response.
"Mhmm," she hummed, taking a drag from her smoke. "It's almost like we're not in Chicago."
"Was Phoenix like this?"
Bella shook her head. "Nah, literally not at all," she giggled. "It's just a totally different city."
"Did you like it there?"
She raised an eyebrow at me, but I could see the humor evident in her eyes.
"What is this, twenty fucking questions?"
I snorted. "Oh, right. Asking too many questions was your thing. I remember now."
"I definitely recall it being your thing, actually." She started, before switching to her Edward impression. "'You play piano, Bella? You play guitar, Bella? Can you sing, Bella? Can you sing to me? Can-'"
I reached over and covered her mouth with my palm, effectively silencing her. Her big, sparkling eyes narrowed, but remained gazing into mine.
I couldn't breathe, all of a sudden.
I held her gaze, desperately searching between both of her eyes for something… I don't know what I was looking for, but it was something…
Bella's teeth came down on my little finger.
"Ouch, fuck, Bella!" I yelled, pulling my hand away to inspect the damage. There were little Bella teeth marks on my skin. I almost wanted them to stay forever.
Bella laughed my favorite laugh. I laughed along with her, though I was distracted by the sound of our laughter mixed together. It was so familiar and warm and simply fucking sounded like love.
It was still hard to breathe, but somehow, I kept doing it.
"I liked Phoenix, I guess." Bella said eventually, answering my question from before. "I mean, my mom lives on skid row, so you gotta take my opinion with a grain of salt."
I nodded, understanding. I've been all over Chicago, I know the whole city isn't a shit hole.
Just where we live.
"It was kind of nice where I went to school. I definitely enjoyed that part."
"I didn't know you wanted to go to college. Alice told me."
Bella shrugged. "Yeah, I figured I would have to go if I wanted to do anything with music. Not that I'm using my degree now, I'm just playing shitty bars."
"That place you just played wasn't that shitty, Bella."
She shrugged, but I saw the small smile on her lips.
I lowered my voice before adding; "I'm sorry I didn't know you wanted to go back to school. I never asked you what you wanted to do with your life."
My girl just scoffed. "Oh, please. I never asked you, either. That wasn't our thing."
"Maybe it should have been." I muttered, looking down at my feet that swing high above the ground.
It is fucked up that, even though I couldn't be happier sitting on that rooftop with my girl, I still thought about jumping off?
Bella looked down, too, as if to see what I was looking at.
"We're too low to the ground for the fall to kill you." She said, reading my fucking mind, just like she used to.
I just looked at her. She looked back at me, her eyes locking onto mine, just like before.
A moment later, we were laughing. I didn't even fucking know why, but I loved it.
-.-.-.-.-
Bella made us climb down once the sun was fully over the horizon.
We were quiet once again on the walk back. I was kinda buzzed, mostly from the alcohol and weed, but also a little bit of Bella's presence. She walked a bit ahead of me, faster than I was, because I wanted it to take fucking forever to get home.
I took the opportunity to look at her again. Her pale legs were muscular under her tattoos. Her feet looked small in the black sneakers she was wearing. I couldn't make out her form under the oversized long sleeve tee she had on, but somehow the mystery of it made her look all the more appealing.
My mind was completely taken over. I listened to her little breaths as she walked, I watched the way her feet almost skipped down the road. All I could think was Bella.
Bella, Bella, Bella.
"Bella."
She turned around, walking backwards in front of me. "Edward."
"Why are you walking so fast? You wanna race or something?"
Bella laughed, still walking backwards, so she was slower. I caught up to her and reached out, but she darted my hand.
Heart break.
"I wasn't trying to race, no. I just wanted to get home before…" She trailed off momentarily. "Before anyone wakes up."
Another crack.
"I will race you, though. And I'll win." She added.
It was my turn to laugh, so I did, but I didn't really find anything very funny. I was stuck on who Bella had to get home to, why she was in a rush to leave me, why she didn't let me touch her…
"You're on, Swan. From here to the end of the block?"
She beat me, of course. Now we were only half a block away from our homes, and I didn't want to fucking get there, but we would in just a few minutes.
"Hey, listen," Bella said as we stood in the middle of the street between our houses. "I didn't tell anyone else this yet, besides Jake," I flinched. "I was hired to play this charity event on the North Side, and I can bring as many guests as I want. It's like, fancy shit, and I thought it would be fun if we all went."
"That's fucking dope, Bella. Fuck yeah, we should all go." I said with added enthusiasm. It was fucking dope, but I just couldn't get myself excited enough for her, knowing Jake probably already did.
She smiled at me, though, and it was wide and real, and I melted a bit.
"It's in a few weeks. I'll keep you in the loop."
I nodded, and she smiled wider.
"Thanks for hanging out with me, Edward."
Time moved in slow motion when she took a step closer to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. Slowly and carefully, as if I would scare her away if I moved too fast, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her against me.
I felt her heartbeat through my hoodie. It was hard and fast. I heard her little breaths accelerate as she tightened her grip on me and pressed her face into my chest. For the second time in what was technically only two full days, I lowered my face into her hair and pressed my lips against the top of her head.
We stood there for an unknown amount of time. It felt like forever and too fast all at once. There were no words spoken, we just held each other, and the emotions inside of me were bubbling and threatening to spill out in confessions of love and obsession and needing and-
I forced myself to pull away first.
"I'll see you soon, Bella." I said, so fucking quietly because I couldn't catch my breath.
She smiled softly, her eyes melting into mine. "See you, Masen." She whispered, and I had to turn away before I reached for her again, because I couldn't handle it if she denied me.
-.-.-.-.-
About a week later I was inside of the local Goodwill with Alice, Jazz, Emmett, Rose, Bella and Jake. We were shopping for something to wear to Bella's Gala event thing next weekend, because obviously none of us poor kids owned a single nice article of clothing.
Alice held up a paisley button up. "This would look so good on you, brother."
Jasper laughed, and I rolled my eyes. "I don't think so, Al." I said, taking the shirt from her and hanging it back on the rack.
"Edward's more of an all-black type, don't you think?" Rosalie chimed in. "Mr. Misery himself would look a little odd in all those colors."
I glared at her. Yeah, we were friends, but Rose and I have never really gotten along. I cared about her as my best friend's twin sister, my little sister's best friend, and Emmett's girl or whatever she was, but if it were up to me, I would see way less of her.
"Shut the fuck up, Rose." I mumbled.
"Yo! Watch what you say to my Rosie, dude!" Emmett's voice was so fucking loud I swear the whole store turned to look at him.
"Oh, and she can just say whatever she wants to me? Who's my defender?"
My whole body stiffened when I heard Bella chuckle from inside a dressing room. I was so acutely aware of any sound that came from her, it was becoming exhausting.
"I got you, bro." Jazz turned to his sister. "Watch what you say to my Eddy, dude."
Now Bella was full on laughing, along with everyone else. Even Jake had his head thrown back in laughter, as if he knew anything that was going on.
He didn't fucking know any of us.
While the three girls were trying on dresses and giggling or whatever, I stood in the dress pants aisle with Emmett on my left and Jake on my right.
"Yo, Jake, are you gonna start tattooing again out here?" Emmett asked over my shoulder.
Jake shrugged. "I think so. I've kind of been holding off so I could help Bella out with her music and stuff, but I do miss it."
"The money wouldn't hurt, I'm sure." I added, trying to act fucking casual even though, in reality, my insides were burning with jealous rage.
Jake shrugged again. "I saved up a lot before we came out here. Living on the Res is basically free, so I got to keep most of my paychecks."
"That's dope, dude!" Fucking Emmett with his over-enthusiasm. "If you do end up working again, I'm gonna be your first customer. I wanna get a tat for Rosie."
Jake's smile grew as he looked at my friend. "Dude, I have my whole tattoo kit here, I can literally do it anytime. You too, Edward! You ever want to get something done?"
"Uh, yeah. Tattoo's are just fucking expensive, so-"
He cut me off. "Oh, please. I wouldn't charge you a thing, man. It's good practice for me, you know? And your Bells' friends! It would be totally free of charge, dude."
"Yo!" Emmett exclaimed, laughing. "That's so badass, bro! I'm so down! Eddy, let's do it. Can we do it tomorrow, Jake? Are you free?"
I tried to tune the rest of their conversation out because they were fucking irritating me, but it sounded like I was getting a fucking tattoo tomorrow. From Bella's fucking boyfriend.
Eventually, Jake excused himself to go take a shit, which Emmett thought was the funniest thing in the world. Jazz came and found us, taking Emmett with him to go check out the shoe options.
Finally, a moment of fucking peace.
I hated the way hanging out with Jake ruined the rest of my friends for me. I was just in a bad mood, and even though I knew Jazz and Em were just trying to be supportive, their apparent commodity with my enemy irked me to no end.
Alice explained it to me earlier that day, before we left the house.
I may or may not have been bitching about Jake.
"Jasper and Emmett are only being so nice to him because they know you want to spend time with Bella, you know."
"Where the fuck do you get that from?" I asked.
"I mean, it's pretty obvious. You're a mopey bastard all day… except for when Bella is looking at you."
"Jesus, Alice." I groaned, letting my face fall into my hands.
"I'm just saying, don't be mad at your friends. If you wanted them to, I'm sure they'd just kick the shit out of Jacob for you."
"Don't tempt me." I muttered, and she laughed, but I wasn't fucking joking.
So, yeah, I knew I had no right to be pissed at anyone, but I couldn't help it. I was angry and overwhelmed, and I just needed a minute where no one fucking talked to me.
"Edward?" Her voice came from the end of the aisle.
Okay, Bella could definitely talk to me.
"What's up?" I greeted her as I approached. It was the first time we'd actually spoken directly to each other all day.
She looked a little nervous. Her big brown eyes were darting back and forth, as if looking for something. Or someone.
"Alice and Rose disappeared on me. I know this is weird, but…" She held up a black piece of fabric. "If I try this on, will you honestly tell me if it looks okay?"
My heart was already pounding by the time I heard the dressing room lock click undone. When Bella stepped outside in that silky black dress, I thought I was gonna have a fucking heart attack.
As per usual, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I knew she watched as they raked up and down her body, taking in her legs as the dress stopped mid thigh. Taking in her shoulders that were barely covered by the tiny dress straps. I noticed, for the first time, the tattoo under her collarbone that said '60609,' our neighborhood's zip code.
"Well?" She said after a minute, turning around quickly so I could see the back of her dress. It hung low, exposing her creamy white skin. There were no tattoos back there.
I had to clear my throat before I could speak. My voice still came out hoarse. "It looks nice."
She spun back around to face me again. Her eyes narrowed. "Just nice?" She asked. Her voice was playful. "I'm going for a little better than 'nice,' Edward."
I smirked and let a little chuckle escape my lips. "It's better than nice, Bella."
"This is what I should wear, you think?"
I nodded. "Yes, in my professional opinion, I think so."
She laughed. "What exactly is so professional about your opinion?"
Bella's presence always rendered me overly-honest. "I've gotten really good at looking at you."
Bella's face blushed red, and she looked away from me, but the smile on her lips didn't go unnoticed.
Nothing she did went unnoticed.
"I'll buy it, then. Thanks for the professionalism, sir."
I smiled at her. "Anytime, Miss Swan."