A/N: I have to post this chapter before I can post next chapter

Chapter 23

I stuffed a backpack with a couple pairs of jeans, a hoodie and some flannel pajamas. I figured it would be cold, since the house was apparently on the water.

I had the luxury of riding in Mike Newton's car with Alice and Jazz, who were in the back seat. I guess it was better than having to spend two hours cramped in a car with Jacob Black, but god damn, was Mike annoying.

He prattled on and on about working at his Dad's camp store and this girl he was seeing (yeah right) and how excited he was to spend some time with his 'bros.' I just nodded and agreed with everything he said, it was so depthless there really wasn't much else to say.

Luckily, the two hour ride went by quickly, and before I knew it, we were pulling onto the gravel driveway of Emmett's Great Aunt or Uncle's Milwaukee lake house.

It wasn't large by any stretch of the word, but it was cozy and definitely would fit the eight of us. Emmett led us straight out back, showing us the porch his mom told him about.

"Yo! It's even sicker than I thought!"

It was fucking sick. The picnic table and Adirondack chairs faced the sprawling lake. The perimeter of the property was lined with trees that were just beginning to change colors for the oncoming fall season. The girls squealed, Emmett high-fived Newton, and I lit a cigarette, finding a bit of peace amongst the chaos, thanks to the view.

We spent that first night getting absolutely fucked up.

Emmett brought his bong, Jazz brought some weed. Mike opened up the drunk of his car to reveal a keg of Miller Lite. Rosalie brought champagne for the girls to share, and they squealed when they popped it and the fizz went everywhere.

I sat on the couch and drank.

As it goes, the more beer I funneled down my throat, the happier I became. I laughed when Newton mimicked Tanya sucking his dick and laughed harder when Bella threw her shoe at him. I was enamored by the story Alice told about Lauren, the forever hostess at Guigino's, attempted to bartend and spilled a drink all over her first customer.

The sloppier everyone got, the closer the three pairs of lovers in the room came, but I was sufficiently fucked up and entertained; I couldn't be bothered to feel that ripping sensation in my chest when Jake pulled Bella into his arms. In fact, at a certain point, I barely noticed his presence- I was fully engaged in conversation with my friends, my real friends, Jazz and Em.

The girls were off doing god knows what in one of the bedrooms, leaving Jake with no one to talk to but Mike Newton. I got a kick out of that, laughing aloud and without explanation, and the boys got a kick out me laughing, probably because I hadn't fucking done it in so long.

Sunrise was fast approaching by the time I passed out on the living room floor. It was cold, but honestly, probably better than sharing that bunk bed room with Newton. Especially because Bella and Jake shared the room next door.

The shitty thing about sleeping on the living room floor is that you're awake with the first person to get up.

That morning, it happened to be Jake.

I tried to sneak by undetected as he raided the fridge, in spite of the very clear fact that there was nothing in there but cans of beer. Unfortunately, he heard me open the back door and followed me onto the porch, where I lit my smoke.

"Last night was nuts, dude! You guys really know how to party, huh?"

I groaned. "Yeah. Good morning to you, too."

Jake laughed, and the sound made me wince. "Hungover?"

I nodded, keeping my eyes fixed on the lake and no where near his face. "A bit."

As if that was my problem.

"Hey, listen. I wanted to apologize for not being there that night after you got hurt or whatever."

Jesus fucking Christ, would this misery never end?

Jake continued. "Bella really wanted to see you, too. Make sure you were okay. It was my fault we didn't make it."

Stupid valiant fucking effort to save Bella's face. I wanted to tell him she did see me that night, after he was done yelling at her. She saw me and she kissed me and she told me it was a fucking mistake.

I just shrugged, instead. "Its cool, man. I know you guys have your own shit or whatever."

"Yeah, that's true. Sometimes I just can't understand her, you know?"

Fucking fuck you, Jacob Black.

I shrugged again. "Not really."

"I guess its different, being friends with someone and dating them. You seem to know her pretty well, though."

"Not more than anyone else here." I mumbled. "Besides Newton."

"But you're the most down to earth. Maybe you can… help me sometimes, you know? When I can't figure out what she wants me to do?"

I snuffed my cigarette out on the side of the house before turning to face him for the first time. He looked vulnerable. It made me happy.

"I don't know how much help I'd really be. I don't think I've ever done what Bella wants me to do."

"But, if I called you, you'd try?"

I'd try to do something, sure.

"Yeah, man. I'd try."

The day was spent lazing around by all. Everyone was hungover, sticky from spilled alcohol and smelly from sleep. We took turns taking showers, which took up most of the day since the hot water ran out every twenty minutes. By the time we all reconvened in the kitchen, it was dark outside.

I sat at the kitchen island with Alice playing tic-tac-toe while Jasper attempted to help Bella and Rosalie make dinner. Everyone pooled their money together in an attempt to collect enough to whip up a decent meal for eight, but we were all so fucking broke that we only made out with 31.77.

"Maybe we can have spaghetti?" Rosalie suggested.

"How 'bout this?" Jake chimed in. I cringed. "Me and Bells will hit the store, and I'll see what we can do, okay?"

They came back with another thirty beers and eight steaks.

"Hey, I'm just so grateful you guys invited me, it was the least I can do!" Ever so modest, credit card holding Jacob Black waved everyone off as he set the meat down on the counter. Bella followed with the beer, which I know was heavy, but she didn't struggle at all as she hoisted it into the fridge.

We made eye contact for a second that felt like forever.

"Edward, you feel like helping me grill these bad boys?"

"Actually-" Emmett interrupted, and I shot him a grateful glance when Jake turned his attention away from me, "I wanna show you the grill out back, Jake. It's fucking dope, my mom's boyfriend told me how to use it."

"Oh, uh, okay, dude! Sure!" Jake answered before turning back to me. "You wanna come, too?"

I shook my head. "Nah, I'm good."

He frowned, but simply shrugged in response.

"Let's go, dude," Emmett nudged him along, and they were out the door. Bella and I exchanged eye contact again.

I hadn't spoken directly to her since we'd gotten here the day before. I knew that's why she kept looking at me, waiting for me to say something. I just had nothing to say.

Except maybe 'fuck you, fuck your boyfriend, lets go fuck, and I love you more than life you fucking bitch,' but I didn't say anything of that.

It was harder to deal with her presence when I wasn't fucked up, that was for sure. And that's why Alice sat with me, playing this fucking game that she kept losing, and why Emmett was outside with Jake, and why Bella kept fucking looking at me as she diced potatoes with Rose.

At least I knew they cared. That was more than I could say a few weeks ago, when I was drowning in pills and liquor and skank pussy.

I was sandwiched between Jasper and Alice at the dinner table, grateful that they put my discomfort of sitting next to Bella ahead of their desires to be next to each other. We were each served a decent looking steak, potatoes and green beans on a paper plate. Rosalie passed us each a Miller High Life from the thirty pack before sitting down next to Emmett, who was at the head of the table.

"I think we should all go around and say what we're thankful for." Newton said from the other end of the rectangle we sat around.

Asshole.

"Why? It's September ninth, not damn Thanksgiving."

"That's what I was just thinking, Rose." I said, flicking a green bean at Newton's head.

"I think it's a great idea!" Jake chimed in loudly.

Fucking asshole.

I flicked a green bean at his head, too. Bella laughed from her spot next to him. I didn't make eye contact with her, but I smiled.

Jacob stuck his tongue out at me like a child, before continuing. "I'm thankful that I met you guys, and I'm especially thankful for Bella, because I love her and she's hot."

Everyone laughed, and I even pretended to, but my stomach was rolling, and all of a sudden this steak didn't look too appetizing.

"Your turn, baby," He added, nudging Bella.

I felt her looking at me again, but I kept my eyes on my revolting plate. I couldn't look at her as she professed her love for him. I couldn't.

"I'm thankful for steak," she started, "and for you guys."

I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I am also thankful for you pervs," Rose smiled, "especially Emmett,"

"Thankful for steak," Emmett said with his mouth full from his spot next to Rose. She elbowed him, and he choked. "And Rosalie."

Jasper said "Alice."

I said "Jasper."

Alice slapped my arm. "That was gonna be mine!"

Finally, Mike Newton said he was thankful for pussy, and we all shut the fuck up and ate.

Everyone hit the sack fairly early that night. I was the last one to slink into my room, and it was barely midnight.

I couldn't last long with Newton's snoring. I hopped down from the top bunk that I was trying to sleep in, pulling a hoodie over my t-shirt and flannel PJ pants and headed out to the back porch with a pack of cigarettes and the few remaining beers from the fridge.

I was only on my third smoke when I heard the sliding glass door open.

"Edward?"

Of course it was her. Her shadowy silhouette approached me, pausing next to the Adirondack chair next to mine.

"Can I sit?"

I kept my gaze out on the lake in front of me, nodding. I watched her move from my peripheral, noticing everything, like the way her hair moved as she sat, and the way the flame from her lighter lit up her face as she sparked a smoke of her own.

We were quiet for a long moment before she broke the silence. "I can't sleep."

"Yeah, me either."

Quiet again. Bella leaned down, plucking a beer from my collection off the ground. The air moved with her, sending a waff of her scent my way. Patchouli and cigarettes, just as always.

My ever-aware cock twitched in my pants.

Bella broke the silence again. "I've wanted a second to talk to you…"

I sighed, pulling my fourth cigarette from my pack and lighting up. "I noticed."

"But you don't want to talk to me." It was a question, I guess, but she stated it so simply that it did not need to be answered.

"I wish that I could explain to you…" She trailed off, staring out into the lake. The moonlight illuminated her big brown eyes, they were sad. "I wish I could explain everything. I just can't come up with the words."

I laughed. It sounded sad. "Me too, Bella."

Another few minutes passed quietly before Bella shifted her whole body in the chair, now facing me. "Have things always been so complicated between us?"

Without consciously moving, I found myself spinning towards her. We were both cross legged in our chairs, leaning over the arms and towards each other. My heart rate increased with our proximity.

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I don't think so."

"It felt simple at one point, didn't it?"

I nodded, lost in her gaze as she stared me down.

"What happened?" She asked.

"You left."

She scoffed, spinning away to once again face the water. I remained in my position, fixated towards her.

Quiet again. I cracked another beer. Bella pulled a baggie of weed and a bowl out of her oversized sweater pocket. She packed it, hit it, and passed it to me.

Our hands brushed as I took it from her. I hit it and passed it back. Our hands brushed again.

"I know you don't like Jacob, and I get it." Her voice was low as she spoke. "I really do. But you don't know… you can't know what he's done for me. For my mother.'

"I don't really care, Bella."

She took another hit from the bowl, nodding as she exhaled. "I know."

"Have I done nothing for you?" The words spilled from my mouth before I had a chance to stop them. In this quiet moonlight, I didn't really mind saying it out loud, anyway. All our cards were on the table here.

"What?" She asked, once again spinning to face me.

"You've told me time and time again how much Jake has done for you. What about me?"

"That's arrogant," She smirked at me, but her eyes were still sad.

I shrugged. "I can be a bit of a prick."

A soft smile graced her face, and she turned her head towards the lake once again, wistfully. I didn't mind her silence, her lack of a real response, because she looked beautiful and, right then and there, it was only me and her.

Another short while later, she whispered. "You've done more than anyone ever has."