I skipped my second day, I used a headache as an excuse to go home before lunch. I didn't want to take a chance at seeing him again.
My hand still shook slightly when I thought of him. He looked like a predator staring down his prey; a hawk staring down a mouse.
I had no interest in being that mouse.
I used the extra free time to go shopping, there wasn't a lot of food and Charlie was never the best at cooking. I figured if I was going to mooch off her I might as well pull my weight where I could.
I went to the Thriftway in town, a few blocks away from the school. A little island of a plaza by the emptiness of the woods.
Shopping was comfortable, familiar. Back at home, I was the one that did most of the housework. Dad could barely boil water and I got sick of Chinese.
The store was quiet, the Bee Gees buzzed through the radio just under a clash of rain hitting the roof. And I was brought out of the fantasy that this was anything like home.
When I got out of the store, it looked like a waterfall. My truck was barely visible in the far corner of the parking lot
With nothing else to do, I ran over to it, tripping and slipping in the downpour. I am pretty sure I lost a can or two as I struggled to open my door.
When I finally clawed myself into the truck, tossing the food over to the passenger seat. My lungs ached and whined like I was swimming. I sat for a few minutes just trying to breathe.
I stared at the rain for a bit after calming down, the light gray glow of the sky covered by the sheets of rain pounding down onto my truck. It sounded like a drum line, I just closed my eyes and leaned back in my chair listening to it.
My mind inevitably drifted back to him, Edward. I wasn't sure if I was scared of him or just confused, but after seeing him his face often appeared in my mind. His angry scowl, his adorable laugh, part of me wanted to talk to him, understand why he hated me, just so I could see more of those faces.
But another part still longed to run away, to avoid him like the plague. I didn't want to know the reason he hated me. I didn't want to be hated.
What did I want?
The rain started to let up as I started the truck. I used this as an opportunity to leave, that was enough thinking.
Once I got home, I simply stuffed the food wherever it fit. If it bothered Charlie, she could move it herself.
I rushed to set up dinner before changing my clothes. I wrapped the potatoes in foil and let the steak marinate in the fridge on top of some eggs. Steak and potatoes seemed like something Charlie would like.
When I was done, I took a quick shower and changed into my pajamas. I didn't feel like starting homework or watching TV, so I checked my email. There were three messages from Dad:
"Don't forget to drop me a line when you get there. How was the flight? Must've been freezing. The house feels empty without you... Can't seem to find my work shirts. Paula says hi." - Dad
Maybe it wasn't the best idea to teach him how to use email. I let out a sigh and moved on to the next one, sent later that day.
"Come on, bro! Send me a message!
The last one was from today.
"Bela, I'm not joking. Message me before I finish work, or I'm calling your mom. This isn't okay, man."
I glanced at the clock. He usually finished work around 6 p.m. I had a few hours, but I didn't want to keep him worrying.
"Hey, Dad, sorry. Please don't bug Mom about it."
I hit send and started a new message.
"The flight was fine. Didn't mean to ignore you; I've just had a lot going on. Your shirts might still be in the garage. They got mixed up with my stuff, and I forgot to tell you... Oh, and Mom got me a truck. It's old, but it gets the job done.
I miss you too. I probably won't message too often 'cause I'm still getting used to things here. Love you too. Don't worry."
I ended up reading Wuthering Heights for English class. It was another repeat lesson but I didn't mind, I needed something to do. I was still on the couch when I heard the Cruiser pulling up.
I stretched and went to check the potatoes and pop the steaks in the broiler.
"Bebe?" my mom's voice echoed from the family room as she opened the door.
"Yeah?" I yelled back half-heartedly.
"What are you doing?" She asked, kicking off her boots and hanging up her gun belt. She always took extra care with it - when I was little, she'd unload the bullets in the car before coming inside. I couldn't imagine her ever using it.
"Cooking?" I said not bothering to look up as I checked the steaks.
"I thought you were sick?" She said suspiciously, folding her arms as she walked into the kitchen.
"I was," I said nonchalantly checking the steaks, "I had some free time so I figured I'd handle dinner."
"Dinner?" she cautiously repeated me.
"Yeah?" I answered softly, "Steak and potatoes," I gestured towards the broiler, putting her mind at ease.
She lingered for a moment as if she wanted to say something before ambling towards the family room to watch TV.
That was fine. She didn't have anything to say, and neither did I.
While I waited for the steaks to cook, I threw together a small salad and called her over once the table was set.
"We had all this in the fridge?" She asked as she sat down at the table.
"No," I laughed slightly, "I went shopping, there is a few other stuff in there, we should be set-" she cut me off.
"You have money?" She asked incredulously.
"Yeah a little." I raised an eyebrow. "Why?" I put down her plate.
"Nothing…" her voice trailed off, "just next time tell me, I'll pay."
"No problem," I said under my breath, sitting down across from her.
After that, silence settled in. Not awkward or uncomfortable, just quiet. We were never the kind to fill the silence with forced chitchat. If there was nothing to say, we simply enjoyed the peace. The ideal roommates of sorts.
"Are you enjoying school?" she asked, helping herself to more food. "Making any friends?"
"I guess, there is this girl, I think her name's Michelle," I conveniently left out one unexplainable incident.
"Michelle? Sounds like one of the Newton kids. Great family, good kid. Her mom runs a bakery, best donuts in town."
"Do you know the Cullens?" I asked tentatively.
"The Doctor's family? She's amazing. Can't really say much about her kids though."
"They're... something. It's like the entire school avoids them," I mentioned stabbing into my potatoes.
Charlie's mouth twisted in irritation, "Well, if they're doing that, they're idiots. Someone as skilled as her could be raking in a fortune elsewhere!" Her tone softened as she continued, "Those kids are better than most the kids around here, tight-knit, always going camping and whatnot. Never getting into trouble. People just don't like newcomers, that's all."
I was taken aback hearing Charlie express all that. She was typically the type to mind her own business. No strong opinions, no outwardly displayed emotions. Even when it came to me...
She clearly cared and I folded "Yeah they seemed nice, I just noticed that they seemed to have their own little bubble. They're super hot" I added, not thinking of anything else to say.
"You should see the doctor," Charlie starts before stopping herself, then awkwardly continuing, "her husband is a lucky man."
We quickly returned to our usual silence.
After finishing our meal, we washed the dishes and continued with our usual activities of watching Family Feud and doing homework. Only three days in, and we had already established a routine.
The night, at least, was quiet, allowing me to finally get a good night's sleep.
I didn't bother skipping the next day, I would have to face him eventually anyway.
It wasn't raining for once, but the sky was covered in a thick curtain of gray clouds.
When I got to the lot it was already full forcing me to park at the very end in a small corner. I ran to English just before the bell rang, Michelle saved me a seat and walked me to my next class.
My Trig teacher singled me out and I bombed. I used it as an opportunity to take a nap.
Lunch was loud, Michelle was added to the table and Jesse seized on an opportunity to entertain her.
I sat between them as Michelle spoke a mile a minute and Jesse happily yelled every response.
It was so uncomfortable I didn't realize Edward wasn't at school until I got to biology.
Was that my fault?
The rest of the week was the same, an increasingly loud lunch, and an empty Biology table.
Initially, I would hold my breath until lunchtime, scared to see him, but eventually, I relaxed and decided to actually listen to the noise surrounding me.
"Bela, you should definitely come to LaPush!" Michelle almost yelled trying to grab my attention.
"I'm good," I said firmly, taking a bite of an apple. I'd been to LaPush a lot as a kid in the summer, a cold, wet, dreary beach, just thinking of it made me itch.
"Come on, you'll have fun," she shook me gently, practically sitting on my lap, I could see under her shirt.
"Fine," I said quickly, moving back and looking up. My eyes met someone's, the twin Cullen. He had a slightly confused look on his face, before smiling at me and quickly walking away.
My eyes lingered where he was before, it felt so odd. He looked at me like he knew me.
Was I to blame for his brother's disappearance? Was it my fault?
The idea gave me a headache that I brought with me throughout my weekend.
Charlie was busy either working or fishing, and I was left to find something to do.
I went to the library, it was mostly empty with a few copies of pride and prejudice surrounded by a never ending collection of For Dummies, out dated history books and cliff notes. I didn't bother getting a library card.
If I wanted any good or even okay books, I'd have to make the trip to Seattle, but considering my truck, that was out of the question for now.
Monday brought another day of gray weather - no rain, but bone-chilling cold. As I walked through the parking lot, people greeted me and I responded with a wave and a shy smile. I needed to learn their names.
In English class, Michelle and I sat together again. We had a pop quiz on Wuthering Heights, mostly truth and false questions and a small essay. It was easy.
Everything was easy, I never thought living in Forks could be easy. Even comfortable, it wasn't home, not yet. But the fact that there was a yet in my mind, surpassed anything I had expected to feel in Forks.
As we left the classroom, the air was thick with delicate white flakes. The atmosphere buzzed with excitement, and the wind playfully nipped at my cheeks and nose.
"Look at the snow!" Michelle yelled immediately running out to play in it.
I just stood there frozen, thick blankets of snow lined the sidewalks, they almost looked cozy and warm.
Michelle noticed my struggle and halted. She studied my face curiously. "You're not used to snow, huh?"
I tried to smile, but my face twisted as I looked down at it. "Yeah, can't say I have a lot of experience with it."
"You'll get used to it." She shrugged. "It's a part of life here."
I pushed my sneakers into the snow, it clung to the sides and seeped into my sock. It sent a shiver down my spine, could I honestly get used to that feeling?
Michelle was quickly distracted again, a mischievous snowball hit her back. We both spun around, suspecting Jesse, who stood whistling suspiciously behind us. Michelle without any hesitation picked up a bunch of snow and tossed it at him, scattering it on everything including me.
I quickly backed up and started to walk towards the door yelling back, "I'll catch up with you at lunch!"
Snow became the talk of the day as everyone excitedly chattered about the first snowfall of the year. I quietly listened, convinced that understanding this phenomenon was simply a small-town thing I could never fully grasp.
I used Jesse as a shield as we made our way to the cafeteria. He found amusement in my constant evasion of snowballs, but thankfully never had the chance to intentionally nail me with one.
Michelle eventually caught up to us, she looked like a snowman, her hair and clothes covered in a thin layer of snow. Her cheeks were almost red from the cold and she had lost her hat when it first started falling.
It was cute how happy she was, how happy both her and Jesse were. Arguing about who won the fight and preparing for a new war after school as we waited in line to buy lunch. Throughout the past week, I had developed a habit of stealing glances at the Cullens' table during lunch.
My body froze when I spotted them. They were all there.
Jesse nudged me. "Hey, what's taking you so long? Move!"
I lowered my gaze and forced myself forward, he was back, why did I feel guilty?
It wasn't my fault… it couldn't have been my fault. Why do I feel like it was my fault?
Michelle glanced at me, perplexed. "What happened?"
"Nothing," I replied. "Just thinking." Finally, I reached the end of the line.
"Aren't you hungry?" Michelle asked, with a look of confusion.
"Nah, I'm feeling a bit sick," I said, avoiding eye contact.
I waited for them at the end of the line and quietly followed behind as we walked towards our table, keeping my eyes glued to my feet.
Sipping my soda slowly, I felt my stomach churn with increasing intensity.
"You can have my apple if you want." Michelle said softly, leaning towards me.
"No, I'm good," I said anxiously.
"You sure?" She asked suspiciously.
I nodded slowly. I considered using my sudden illness as an excuse to go home early, but I couldn't keep skipping school because of him, once was enough.
After a week I'd figured I was over this; he just glared at me, nothing more. Was I so weak I couldn't even shake off a bit of staring? Was I that much of a coward?
I glanced up unconsciously, and there he was laughing. They all were enjoying the snow day, just like everyone else. Emma and Arthur playfully shook snow on each other, while Edward and Hazel shared a moment of laughter at Oliver's obvious discomfort.
It was like a scene out of a movie - staged and almost too perfect. They always seemed too perfect.
My eyes of course lingered on Edward, his face was a bit different than I remembered, less pale, less tired, less something. I couldn't quite pinpoint it - perhaps it was his smile or his eyes. I had only seen him once before, but it left an impression.
"Dude, what are you staring at?" Jesse interrupted, following my gaze.
Edward glanced up, once again triggered by Jesse's eyes. In response, I dropped my head, allowing my hair to shield my face.
Did he look mad? I couldn't tell, I was too scared to look back up. I didn't want to be on his radar.
"Dude, he hates you," Jesse laughed, playfully shoving me.
"Wait, is he mad?" I asked, looking up quickly, my face bright red.
"Nah, not really," he paused, then added, "wait, does he actually hate you?"
"I think so," I admitted, resting my head on my arm, feeling nauseous.
"No way, dude, the Cullens don't talk to anybody. Why would they single you out?"
I shrugged as he continued, "He's totally looking at you though."
"Dude, stop..." I weakly hissed, pushing him slightly.
He chuckled a bit before thankfully Michelle distracted him with more snow talk.
I stayed quiet and let him revel in the moment. I had planned on lingering in the gym until the snow was cleared anyway.
For the remainder of lunch, I grappled with the idea of going to biology. My stomach churned, but it wasn't enough, I refused to be that much of a coward.
When the bell rang I followed slowly behind him as they talked. Michelle animatedly prepared to play in the snow a bit longer on the way to class; all I wanted was to stay out of her way.
However, when we reached the door, disappointment murmured through the crowd. The rain had washed away any traces of a winter wonderland.
A small smile spread across my face as I pulled up my hood. I would be free to leave as soon as Gym ended.
Michelle complained nonstop, and when we got to class, my table was still empty.
Class didn't start for a few minutes. Mr. Banner distributed microscopes and boxes of slides to each table. The room buzzed with conversation as I absentmindedly sketched random things into my notebook.
I was completely zoned out when I heard the chair next to me move.
"Hello," a quiet, siren-like voice said.
I looked up slowly, I could see the chair pushed as far away as the table allowed, but he was facing me.
Was he actually talking to me?
His hair was messier than usual, still wet from the snow, he looked like a model from a shampoo commercial. But his face was unsure, almost cautious.
"I'm Edward Cullen," he continued. "You're Bela, right? We didn't really get to meet last week." His voice was soft, but deep. It almost didn't match his face, too warm and inviting.
My mind went blank, Was this the same guy? Was I freaking out about nothing? He seemed perfectly normal, maybe a little too polite, but... I had to say something.
"M-my name?" I stammered out.
He let out a laugh, soft and song-like it made me shiver in a new way.
"What about it?" he asked, covering his smirk with his hand slightly.
I tried to calm myself down. "No, uh, it's just that we never talked, I figured you would call me Billy or something..."
He looked confused. "Billy?"
"No, it's just... nobody has gotten my name right since I got here. I understand it's not a common name, but..." I was talking before I could think, struggling more and more to explain before finally saying, "I'm just surprised you got it right, that's all."
I felt like I was going to be sick, I could feel the heat rising to my ears.
"Oh," he thankfully let it go while I shyly looked away, I could swear I could see him smiling behind his hand.
The bell finally rang, breaking the silence. Mr. Banner explained the lab we would be doing that day. We had twenty minutes to label the slides of onion root tip cells into phases of mitosis without our books. The slides, of course, were out of order.
"Get started," he commanded.
"You can go first," Edward offered. He was smiling, I couldn't help but look at his lips, his beautiful white teeth. I found myself unable to think, merely staring.
"Are you okay?" His smile transformed into a confused expression.
"Yeah," I said slowly. "I was just thinking."
I wished my brain would make up it's Mind. Did I want to run away from him or with him? I felt like a complete moron and all I could think of was impressing him with the fact that I had already done this lab before.
I smoothly slid the slide into the microscope and adjusted it to the 40X objective.
"Prophase," I confidently stated after a brief examination.
"Do you mind?" Edward's hand caught mine when I started to move the slide. I startled slightly; his hands were cold. Had he been outside for that long?
"Sorry, static," I meekly apologized. "It's fine," he muttered, moving his hand. I watched him as he checked my work.
"Prophase," he agreed before writing it down and switching the slide.
He glanced at the new slide for a moment before murmuring, "Anaphase."
"Do you mind?" I mimicked him softly and he pushed the microscope towards me with a smirk, and eagerly, I peered into it.
Of course he was right.
I didn't look up, instead just extended my hand, "slide three?"
Carefully, he handed it to me, as if trying to avoid touching me again.
"Interphase," I barely glanced at it and passed the microscope to him before he could ask. He also took a quick look and wrote it down.
I didn't bother trying to write, he wrote like a mythical prince, clean and beautiful. It made mine look like the chicken scratch of a toddler.
We finished first. I couldn't help but look around, some were clumsily cheating with their books under the table, while others, like Michelle, were stuck comparing slides with their partners.
So it was just us, I peeked up at him, his beautiful eyes glossed over with the same constipated expression from before.
But something was definitely different.
"You wear contacts," I muttered under my breath, squinting my eyes slightly.
"No..." he answered slowly like he was trying to understand my question.
"Weird," I mumbled. "I could swear they were different."
He shrugged and looked away.
I was certain his eyes were dark brown or even black before when he was glaring at me. It felt as though I was being stared down by a feral animal, more like a tiger than a person.
But beside me they were closer to soft honeypots, unnatural and cat-like.
They had to be contacts, but why would he lie? It was such a silly little lie.
I couldn't help but notice his fists clenching again.
I slowly went back to sketching in my book, grabbing Mr. Banner's attention. "Are you okay?"
We both nodded, he inspected our work for a moment before noting, "I only see Edward's handwriting here."
Edward answered, "We worked on it together," he added, "we alternated."
Mr. Banner appeared skeptical and looked at me. "Have you done this before?"
I sheepishly smiled. "Not with onion root."
"What about whitefish blastula?"
"Yeah."
Mr. Banner nodded. "Advanced placement?"
I nodded in confirmation, and he simply clapped his hands. "Well, this worked out," he quickly moved on to help someone else.
I went back to doodling squiggles in my notebook.
"Wasn't the snow refreshing?" Edward's voice was slow and leading, like he was trying to prove to me that he didn't hate me.
"Not really," I replied dismissively, I hated small talk more than snow.
"You don't like the cold," he said softly.
"Or the wet," I added.
"This move must have been difficult," he wondered.
"Yeah," I muttered quietly, looking up at him.
His eyes seemed to follow me like he was waiting for me to say more, but all I could think to do is stare past him.
After a while he spoke again, this time in a more demanding tone, "Then, why did you come?"
"It's... a lot."
"Try me," he pressed.
I paused for a moment trying to find the right words, his honey eyes seemed to melt into mine and I started to speak without thinking.
"My dad got remarried," I said.
"Is that all?" he asked sympathetically. "When did this happen?"
"Last September," I laughed a bit, it sounded so silly to still be thinking of it.
"You don't like her," Edward assumed, his voice still kind.
"No, I love her." I said with a small smile, "Paula is great."
"Then why didn't you stay?" His intense interest in my mundane life confused me. What was so intriguing about my story? Why was he trying to delve into the depths of my soul?
"They're thinking about having a kid," I chuckled lightly hoping it was enough for him.
"You don't like the idea?" he asked, his smile filled with confusion.
"No, it's fine. Just not enough space."
"So you were sent here to make space for a new child?" he assumed once again.
I straightened up a bit. "No, I sent myself."
His eyebrows knitted together in clear frustration. "I don't understand," he admitted.
I sighed. His curiosity was too strong for me to stop now, even though I felt like I was overexplaining myself.
"I was in the way, my dad was setting up his perfect life and I was just there. Standing in his way." I laughed lightly, "At least here I'm in no one's way."
"Did he say that?" Edward asked softly.
"He didn't have too," I stated plainly, my hand unconsciously playing with the head of my pencil, I didn't want to think about this.
Nobody ever says what they feel, they hide it. Like they hide everything else. Why would my dad be different? Why would he want me more than the rest of the world?
"You are very negative," he stated plainly, his eyes still following me.
I laughed bitterly. "What can I do? I can only be myself; everyone else is already taken."
"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance," he responded dryly, he was being sarcastic but somehow it felt sincere.
I didn't know what to say, I just looked back down at my book.
He seemed to accept my silence, pleading, "Too far?" as I ignored him.
"I apologize if I offended you," he muttered, his tone soft yet teasing like he was talking to a kid.
"Why do you care?" I asked, increasingly annoyed, discreetly checking if the teacher was nearby.
He paused for a moment, quietly murmuring, "That is a very good question," as we both fell into a pause. I turned towards the blackboard, accepting his response.
"Am I bothering you?" he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.
I leaned my head on my hand, turned to him and replied, "Not really, it's my fault. I am the one that's easy to read." I frowned. "You're just curious about an open book."
Clearly he wanted to talk and I was completely powerless to stop him.
"Open book?" He laughed lightly. "On the contrary, you are quite difficult to understand." He seemed to be telling the truth.
"That must be difficult for you," I replied.
He smiled widely, flashing his perfect white teeth, and replied, "Exceptionally."
Mr. Banner asked for everyone's attention, and I turned to listen in relief, glad for a break.
This all felt like a dream, a handsome stranger helplessly interested in my mundane experiences, leaning on my every word. I could feel the heat in my cheeks and I wasn't even sure if he hated me or not.
His hand never left the edge of the table, his body never inched closer, yet I couldn't help but feel uncomfortably close to him.
The lesson was a blur as I kept peeking back at Edward, who would do the same in return.
When the bell rang, Edward repeated his exit from before, and I once again observed him now with confusion instead of fear.
"That was awful," Michelle loudly complained, rushing over to me like a duckling. "All the slides looked the same! I wish I had Cullen!"
"Yeah?" I answered nonchalantly, grabbing my bag. "It was pretty easy, I didn't even need him."
"Oh shut up!" She shoved me playfully as we put on our raincoats. "So was he like chill?" Her voice sounded unsure, as if she wanted more information.
"I guess? He seemed okay to me," I tried my best to sound indifferent, I didn't want to talk about it. About him.
I zoned out as Michelle talked to me on the way to the gym. Even P.E. was a blur of unfocused thoughts. Fortunately, the team had long since learned not to pass me the ball. My daydreaming was interrupted only when I had to dodge.
The rain formed a mist as I reached the parking lot, but I quickly forgot about it when I got into my truck. I immediately turned on the heater, ignoring the jarring sound of the engine.
I unzipped my jacket, lowered my hood, and ran my hand through my damp hair, hoping it would dry on the way home.
Scanning the area for an opening, I noticed a still, white figure. Three cars down from me, Edward Cullen leaned against the front door of the Volvo, of course that was their car.
His eyes were on me again, my face flushed with heat and I swiftly looked away and threw the truck into reverse, almost colliding with a rusty Toyota Corolla in my haste.
Luckily, I stomped on the brake just in time, avoiding turning their car into scrap metal. Taking a deep breath, I cautiously pulled out again, this time with greater success.
I kept my gaze fixed forward as I drove away, but I couldn't help but notice that Edward looked like he was laughing as I passed him.