"I was mad. I was bitter. I was angry. I was outraged. I was sad. I was hateful. I was hurt. I was in love. But I never let him take the best of me."

― Dominic Riccitello

A few minutes earlier…

Beck

I check my phone and see that I am late. I am supposed to meet Jalisia and her friends at 7 and it's 730. Filming the stunt took longer than anticipated. I'm tired as hell, Ethan wasn't satisfied until take 7 of the chase scene. I'm so tired from all of that running and jumping and I damn near shattered my ankle from that rooftop jump. I don't think that anyone noticed that though Chris was staring at me pretty hard.

My uber pulls up to a decently busy Karaoke bar.

"Thanks man," I tell my uber driver as I exit his car. There's some people catching up out here and I look around, but I don't see Jalisia. I figured as much, I'm already late. I run my hands through my hair, and I pay attention to the music coming from out of the bar…is that Careless Whisper?

"As the music dies, something in your eyes,"

That's Jalisia. I know it. She's always humming something or singing. A smile spreads across my face as I make my way into the bar and I can definitely hear that it's her singing.

"I'm never gonna dance again

Guilty feet have got no rhythm"

I stop dead in my tracks once I hear the voice that joins in with Jalisia on the song.

It can't be…it couldn't…what would be the odds? I'm imagining things. I'm tired, today was a long and exhausting shoot day. I've been up since 4 am, I'm imagining things.

"Time can never mend

The careless whispers of a good friend"

Now it's her voice by itself and it's unmistakable.

That's Jade.

My body moves of its own accord. I push my way through the crowd and I stop once I see her.

Jade…

"There's no comfort in the truth

Pain is all you'll find"

Her dark wavy hair is in a ponytail, the streaks of color that used to be a permanent fixture in her hair are gone. She wears a black tank top with a lacy gray jacket and dark jeans. Her skin is still so pale, even after all of this time, she still refuses to be in the sun…she's still just as effortlessly beautiful as she was all those years ago.

As if by some unnatural force, her blue-green eyes find mine. I see when she sees me because her eyes widens and she stops singing.

I can't breathe…

Jade…

Everything comes full force. I can't sort through my emotions. Happiness at being able to see her again, anger…

The last time that I saw her was when I dropped her off at home. We had broken up for certain…She…she fucked up and…I had fucked up….but fuck…I missed her.

I can't take my eyes off her. She looks so confused when she sees me. As if she's not really seeing me, as if this is a dream…

"Hollywood!" My attention is pulled from Jade to the person standing next to her. Jalisia. Her blonde locs are down, and she's wearing an army green mesh jacket. She's so excited to see me. She cooly makes her way down the stage, towards me. I look between her and Jade, not sure what to do, unable to find my voice. It isn't long before Jalisia is in front of me, standing on her tiptoes and placing a gentle kiss on my lips. I feel a war going on, but the kiss doesn't last too long.

I look back up at Jade and she looks absolutely horrified.

I don't know what to do or what to say.

"Hey, Beck…is everything okay?" I hear Jalisia say, but she sounds so far away. I take an involuntary step towards Jade.

That was the wrong thing to do because she quickly backs up, looking around wildly for an exit. She runs off the stage and disappears.

"Jade!" Jalisia calls after her, concern clear in her voice. She moves from me to go after Jade, but I grab her wrist. She looks down at my hand and then back up at me. I'm trying to sort everything that is happening in my head. "What? I have to go check on my friend. I've never seen her like this before."

"Do you know her?" The words rush out. Jalisia makes a weird face and looks at me.

"Do you?" she asks, suspicion creeping into her eyes.

"How do you know her?" I'm trying to focus, but I want to go after her. We need to talk, I need to talk to her.

"Are you the reason why she ran off? How do you know her? What did you do to her?" She snatches her hand away from me, her hazel eyes mis-trusting me.

FUCK ME.

.

.

.

Jade

What the actual fucking Fuck!

Beck!

I stand on the stage absolutely flabbergasted. What is he doing here? Why is he here and he still looks so fucking good. Like one of those studpid sculptures that was made in like the 1600s or some stupid time period.

Why is he here?

Why is he in New York, and at this fucking bar on a fucking Tuesday for crying out loud?

Why do I want to hug and hold on to him more than anything in the entire fucking world.

"Hollywood!" I hear Jay call out and I see his gaze shift from me to her.

Oh no.

It's like I'm starring in my own personal horror film. And not the good, gorey ones that sit with you and make you uncomfortable.

This is much much worse than that. .

Everything moves in slow motion as Jay makes her way to Beck and stands on her tiptoes to give him a kiss.

Everything in me stills. I have no breath, I have no thoughts, I have no heartbeat…

I'm completely and utterly dead.

This is so much worse than I could have ever imagined.

All at once my senses come rushing back. The bar is loud, the music is loud, my breathing and my heartbeat and my thoughts are all too fucking loud. I don't…I'm having a panic attack…or a fucking heart attack…what is even real right now.

He looks back up at me, confusion on his face, slowly being replaced with concern. He takes a step towards me and I can no longer be here. I can no longer be in the same place, or share the same space as him. I have to fucking move. I have to get out of her.

Fucking Move JADE!

I back up and look for the nearest exit and I spot a busboy coming from the kitchen. I head that way, bumping into people, and pushing them out of my way. I need to be not here. I need to be anywhere but here.

I see the cooks, waiters and other people who are in here, moving around, someone says something to me, but I don't stop until I reach the door, that is already propped open by some crates. Once I'm out of the bar, I stop and I feel like I can breathe a little better. But there is a tightness in my chest that only gets tighter as I breathe.

I'm going to die. I'm really going to fucking die. I can't breathe.

I try to calm myself and focus on some deep breathing exercises that my therapist recommended to me all those years ago.

I close my eyes and count backwards from 20.

It's no fucking use. The only thing I can see is Jay walking up to Beck and kissing him. Why was she kissing him? What reason does she have to kiss him?

No, no, no. Get out of your head, get out of your mind. You got this.

Beck…I haven't seen him in so long. Not since Hollywood Arts. What the fuck is he doing here?

"Jade! Jade, are you okay, what happened?" My head snaps towards where Andre's relieved voice is coming from. He jogs the short distance from the back door of the building to where I'm at. His eyes searched me for any sign of physical harm.

"Beck is here," I whisper to him furiously, my eyes searching behind him in case he comes through that door as well.

"Who?"

"Beck, Beck from highschool, my ex-boyfriend. You're best friend…or ex-best friend. I don't know," I look at Andre and see the realization that dawns on his face.

"Beck? What is he doing here?"

"Jay, I think he's the new guy that Jalisia has been seeing, oh my fucking god, I can't breathe, I think I'm having a heart attack."

"Jade calm down, relax…I'm pretty sure that you're only having a panic attack and not a heart attack, look at me."

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing brain and I look at him. I really look at Andre….he also looks unsteady and uncertain…but there is calmness in his eyes.

"Good girl, now just focus on me. Focus on the things that I am saying…you're fine…this…this is unexpected. Beck being here is unexpected…but it's not a bad thing."

I nod my head, he's right. I'm overreacting. It's fine that Beck is here. We are people, we are adults-grown adult people. This is fine, everything will be alright…I'm such a fucking mess, acting like this…

"Uh…hi guys, long time no see," I turn my head to the sound of Beck's voice. He looks at Andre and I with a humorless smile on his face. "Nice to see that you two haven't changed."

.

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4 Years ago

Beck

We keep fighting. It's the same arguments over and over. Things really haven't been right since I spent the week at Tori's helping her prepare for that scene that she got. We were at the Gorilla Club basically everyday. Yea, Jade was upset, but Jade is always upset. She's been spiraling out more and more and I don't know what to do about it. I have my own shit going on.

When I told my parents that I had no intention of going to college they freaked out on me. Dad said that I couldn't keep my RV on his property if I wasn't enrolled in a school or a trade school by graduation. Mom won't even really look at me anymore.

They don't understand that this is my life. I'm enrolled at Hollywood Arts for chrissakes. What did they think that I wanted to do with my life?

And it's my fucking life! They don't get to dictate what I do, where I go or who I see.

Speaking of which…

You know what, nevermind, I can make it to school myself.

Fuck man! She is being so fucking impossible right now.

I am on my way Jade, I just woke up late. Chill the fuck out.

I probably shouldn't have texted that. I take a deep breath. I know why she's on edge. She didn't like that I was spending so much time with Tori. But with all the shit that I have going on, I needed a break from home. I needed a break from her too…and I can't deal with being around Andre, lately he's been on Jade's side a lot and it's making me feel agitated. Like does he still have feelings for her or something?

I am chill, I am as cold as a fucking block of ice. So do not tell me to chill the fuck out. I will be as chill or as flaming hot as I want to fucking be. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get to school where I will continue to be fucking chill.

I roll my eyes and I want to throw my phone into the wall. Fuck, now I have to deal with a pissed off Jade all fucking day.

.

.

.

I walk into class and I see her sitting in our usual spot. She looks like she's on edge and miserable. I take a deep breath and sigh. I just need to apologize and we can blow past this. I make my way to her and before I can say anything, Tori runs up to me.

"Beck, that god you are here, I need a massive favor." I look at Jade who makes eye contact with me and then look away.

"Yea, Tori, what is it?"

"Hey, so you know how I auditioned last week for that roll, but I couldn't because I had dislocated my shoulder and sprained my wrist?"

"Yea, I vaguely remember that."

"Right, so the producer called me and they have another role that they think that I would be good for. It's a small role, but I was thinking that since you did so well with me last time, that you might be available to help out again." She looks at me with pleading and hopeful eyes. I look over at Jade who is doing a terrible job of pretending like she's not paying attention.

"Uhh…"

"Awe Beck, please. I'll buy you dinner…" She says in a sing-songy voice.

"I don't know. I have a lot on my plate as is…and Jade…"

"Come on, don't let Jade dictate all of your time. Besides, I really need your help."

"He said no Tori, why don't you take a hint and stop bothering him?" Jade's voice is dripping with malice, and she lifts one delicate eyebrow in Tori's direction.

"HE didn't say anything Jade. And come on, you can live a few nights without Beck, can't you? There's no need to suffocate him." I look at Tori, my eyes pleading. I know that she thinks that she's being helpful, but that was the wrong thing to say.

"I know someone that I'd like to suffocate, speaking of," Jade uncrosses her legs in a very dramatic way, before standing up and leisurely making her way towards us. "I hope this role that you're auditioning for doesn't require singing, dancing, acting or any other talent really. Because watching your poor attempt at it always sucks the air out of the room." She smirks at her.

"Jade, why do you always have to be such a gank? I was only asking Beck to help me out."

"Why is it that you always need my boyfriend to help you out? I know you're bad, but come on. Enough is enough. At some point, you're just going to have to admit to yourself that you don't have what it takes. Do us all a favor and get to that realization soon so that we don't have to constantly suffer through this." Jade tilts her head and gives Tori a mean smile.

The classroom becomes quiet and I can visibly see the hurt on Tori's face.

"Jade, that was really mean and you need to apologize." I told her. She looks at me, a flash of betrayal crosses her face before she masks it into apathy. "Do it now Jade." I order her, my voice hard.

"She can call me a gank and accuse me of suffocating you, but I'm the one who needs to apologize?"

"Jade, apologize now!" I say louder. I really don't have time for her bullshit right now. She went too far. "Tori is our friend, and if she needs help then we will help her." Jade stares me down before biting the corner of her lower lip and rolling her eyes. She grabs her back and marches past us, out of class.

"Where are you going?" I sigh. She doesn't answer me and keeps going. I sigh.

It doesn't seem like this fight is getting any better.

"Beck…I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

I hold up my hand and stop her apology.

"It's fine Tori, you know how Jade is. I gotta go check on her." I turn and leave to go find Jade. Knowing Jade, she's most likely hiding out in the Janitor's closet by the vending machines. I open the door and I see her climbing up the ladder to sit in the little attic space that is up there.

"Jade"

"Leave me alone," she says so roughly, it's basically a growl.

"I'm not afraid of you Jade. Let's talk."

"I don't want to talk to you." She climbs fully into the space and decides to climb up after her. The space is cramped, but there are some pillows and jars of string lights in jars courtesy of Jade. The ladder goes far beyond where she's made a little camp, but no one ever comes up here but us and Jade likes to hang out here to watch the janitor as he takes naps.

"Jade, we need to talk about what just happened. What's been going on for these past few weeks. Things aren't getting better."

"Maybe it's because you would rather hang out with Tori and help her with her terrible acting."

"There is nothing going on between Tori and I, I wish you would stop being so-"

"Don't you dare say it. There is nothing that troll has that I want. Not family, not style, definitely not talent-"

"Then why are you always so fucking triggered by her?!" I yell in the small space. She tries to turn, I don't know what her end goal is, but she pushes up against me. I think she's trying to leave. I grab her arm. "Jade, you're not going anywhere until we talk about this."

"We did talk about this. So let go of me." She pulls on her arm and that knocks her off balance. She falls into me and I'm on my back.

"Are you okay?" I ask her, leaning on my elbows. I reach up and I push the hair back from her face. She moves away from me. The anger slowly dissipates and I am once again enraptured by her beauty. The subtle curves of her lips and face. Her piercing blue-green eyes, more blue now that she's feeling upset. My heart aches for this girl.

There is nothing but the sounds of our breathing in this small space. It's warm.

She leans down and kisses me, and I reach up to caress her face. All of this anger, all of this frustration. We take it out on each other's bodies. She wastes no time on my pants, fumbling with the belt and unbuckling it. I pushed her jacket off her shoulders and slid my hand up the back of her shirt and unclasped her bra. It isn't long, before we are undressed enough and she's riding on me, my fingers digging deeply into her hips, one of her hands covers her mouth to keep her from being too loud, the other on the ladder beside us, to help keep her steady. I love the look on her face as her passion takes over her. Seeing her abuse her lips as she bites down hard on them with each and every passing thrust, her eyes closing tighter and tighter, the sounds of her soft grunting…It sends me over the edge.

She still moves on top of me. Grinding harder and rougher as she reaches her own climax. Small sounds escape her, and I quickly sit up, holding on to her back and kiss her. I swallow her moans and sighs like a man desperate for water and I drink up every single ounce of her.

We hear the door below us opening and we quickly still ourselves.

It sounds like it's just the janitor. Hopefully he's only in here for something quick and not a nap.

I look at Jade and she stares back at me. She lifts a finger to her lips quietly and I nod. She leans over to look to see what's going on. The janitor grabs a mop and a caution sign and leaves out of the closet. We look at each other before we collapse in a fit of quiet laughter.

For the time being our problems are forgotten.

But they are far from over.