Chapter 5

Paul was a mess. He was lying on his bed feeling all sorts of self-doubt. Today he would finally meet the girl, meet Bella Swan. It was seven days since he saw her on the beach, and he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her, not for a single moment. He didn't quite understand why he was so obsessed with her, getting to know her, and having her for himself, but he was. Yeah, he was a fucking mess.

And why the hell does he feel so unsure of himself. It wasn't like he usually didn't get any woman he set his mind to pursue, but then he never had had to chase any woman. They always threw themselves at him, and he hadn't yet met anybody he felt like having for more than just one fuck. No one has spiked his interest for anything more. Ever.

Not until this Bella girl. He had fantasized about her constantly and thought about a hundred different things to say to her when he finally could talk to her. He was nervous. He had never felt like this, and it made him mad. He was fucking furious. Not a very healthy feeling to have over something so beautiful as that girl.

One didn't have to be fucking Einstein to comprehend that he had commitment issues. Bad ones. He had avoided getting attached to anybody, and now that he had seen something he wanted bad, no, he needed to have, he was scared shittles. Fuck, he really had to get a grip of his bullshit, and soon. He didn't want to blow this up.

What he was afraid of the most was what if she was a bitch. What if she was nothing that he had been dreaming of the whole week? He didn't believe it for a second, but he would be crushed if Bella Swan would not turn out to be a match to his fantasies.

He had asked Embry and Quill about her. He had heard from Jared that they had known her as long as Jacob had, but the girl they described sounded quite different than the girl he had seen on the beach. They did say nice things about her: she is funny, smart, beautiful, and is very easy to be with after you get to know her.

But they also said that Bella was very shy and reserved and a tomboy, not girly at all. And it was these descriptions that didn't add up at all with the girl he had seen on the beach week ago. She most certainly wasn't a tomboy. She was sexy as hell and the most feminine woman he had ever laid his eyes on. It seemed that living in Hawaii had changed her.

Paul's mind was reeling. Why in the hell would she come back to Washington after living in Hawaii? Embry had told him that Bella would study in Seattle to become a marine biologist. And all that scared the shit out of him. What if she decided to move back to Hawaii? She most likely will soon remember why the hell she left this cold shitty place in the first place and will run back to Honolulu. It was the only thing that made sense to him. A woman like that needed her skin to be kissed by the sun. And if she was interested in marine life, one would think that working in the ocean would be nicer in Hawaii than here.

And although Paul knew that he was God's gift to all womankind, yeah, he was a smug motherfucker and couldn't help it, he didn't know what he would be able to offer to a woman like Bella. What if Bella didn't find him attractive or worthy of her? And that thought terrified Paul the most. What would a woman like Bella see in him, son of a heartless whore and drunken piece of shit? The self-doubt was eating him alive.

"Fuck!" he shouted, grabbed half empty water glass from his bedside table, and smashed it into the wall. The glass shattered into tiny pieces and spread all over the floor. Paul felt a piece of glass cutting his chin as the water followed the shards.

"Fuck you fucking moron!" Paul shouted to himself.

With a heavy sigh, he got up and went to get his vacuum cleaner trying not to step on the glass. He really needed to contact Kai to get this anger bullshit under control.

In Forks at the house of former Police Chief, Bella Swan was totally oblivious about the turmoil she had caused to the number one heartbreaker of La Push.

She and her friends were getting ready to go to Jacob's party. Charlie was sitting in his recliner, sipping his beer, and watching Mariners' game on tv. He enjoyed the hustle and bustle the girls made around the house. He had enjoyed a lot spending time with them during the evenings. Sarah and Ailani were charming girls, and Bella was so happy having them here with her.

He was so happy to have Bella with him, although he tried not to show it too much. It was because he felt so guilty that she had left her school and mother to be with him. Bella had told him many times that she missed him, her friends, and La Push and that she wanted to come back. She has assured him repeatedly that it was the perfect moment to change the school from Honolulu to Seattle. The college in Seattle was an excellent school to study at, and she was very happy. But it didn't matter what Bella said; he felt guilty just the same. But he was pleased, really happy that she was here, even if for a few months before moving to Seattle.

Bella looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was wearing light blue slim-fitting ripped jeans with a tight white spaghetti strapped top. She threw on a linen beige colored cardigan that reached down to her knees. It reminded her of the bonfires in Honolulu; it still had a faint reminder of the smoke smell on it. She loved the feeling of the linen on her skin.

She had her pearls on and in her ears tiny silver turtle-shaped studs. She quickly pushed down the quilt remembering Bane and his gift she hadn't yet opened, but she didn't want to think about Bane now. She had promised herself she would call him tomorrow and end things between them. It was a shitty thing to do, but it had to be done. Of that, Bella was sure.

She closed her eyes for a while and took deep breaths. After a few deep breaths, she opened her eyes and leaned closer to the mirror to see if she still had a pimple on the base of her nose. No spot, but there were more freckles than last time she checked. She wrinkled her nose. Deciding against putting on any make-up, she only applied a bit of lip gloss; she kissed her image in the mirror, leaving the mirror stained.

"Take something warm with you. It can get quite chilly after the sun goes down at the beach," Bella told Sarah and Ailani.

She packed a thick woolen cardigan and a beautiful pair of hand-knitted woolen socks in her bag. The socks were a gift from her Finnish friend Anna. After hearing that she would be moving away from Honolulu to live in Seattle, she had sent them to Bella. She said they were the best thing to keep one's feet warm, and she was right. She would probably not be needing them tonight, but she packed them anyway. She often had had cold feet at the bonfires held on First Beach.

"And don't forget the leis." Girls had a perfect gift for Jacob, and it involved those leis.

Bella left her room, skipped down the stairs, and met her father in the kitchen.

"Are you girls ready to leave?" Charlie asked.

Party was in its full swing when Paul finally saw Bella, her two friends, and her father arriving. He had started to worry that she wouldn't show up. Chief Swan walked down to the beach with his cane and raised his hand, holding a bag of beer to Billy, who grinned happily at his good friend.

"Come here, Chief. I need you to talk some sense to this blockhead," Billy shouted and pointed to Harry Clearwater, pouting beside him.

"Don't believe anything he says," Harry shouted back and took a swig of his beer.

"BELLA!" Someone shouted, and was it not other than that little prick Jacob. Paul huffed in annoyance.

"JAKE!" Bella shrieked and dropped everything she was holding in her hands and ran to him and jumped to meet his big embrace. She wound her legs around Jacob's waist and hugged him fiercely. Bella kissed Jacob's cheeks and hugged him again.

"Oh, Jake, I've missed you so much!" Paul heard Bella saying.

"Not more than I missed you, Bells," was the dickheads reply.

Jacob had his big arms wrapped around Bella, and he squeezed her tightly.

"Can't breathe," Bella gasped.

"Sorry," Jacob said and kissed the top of her head.

Fuck, Paul was jealous! He could hear them laughing and saw them hugging again.

Then Bella dropped her legs down to the ground and introduced her friends, who watched their interaction with huge smiles.

"Whatcha looking at?" asked Jared, who came to stand by him and handed him a beer.

Paul just nodded towards the scene where Bella introduced her friends to Jacob, Embry, and Quil, who have joined them.

"Yeah, I saw her too. Damn, she is hot. If I didn't have Kim, you would have some serious competition in me. But it seems that you have enough competition already," Jared laughed and watched how the younger guys were drooling all over Bella and her friends.

"What happened to you?" Jared asked when he saw the little cut on Paul's right cheek.

Paul only huffed, sat down on the sand, and rested his back against the log behind him. Jared sat down with him and didn't ask more questions. He knew better when to shut up and now was the time.

The atmosphere at the beach was vibrant and relaxed. People were lounging against driftwood logs scattered on the beach, music was playing softly, some were dancing, and just lit bonfire cracked. The sun had started its way down, but it still kissed the skin deliciously and made everything look warm and cozy.

But Paul could not enjoy himself. He had his eyes on Bella. He watched how Jacob possessively wrapped himself around her, and she didn't mind. She snuggled her head into Jacob's chest and laughed with her friends. Jacob turned his head and noticed Paul staring at them. He gave Paul a smug but tight smile and turned so that he could block Paul's view of Bella.

"Little fucker," Paul muttered to himself.

Jared glanced at his friend but said nothing. He had seen the interaction with Paul and Jacob.

Then Bella and her friends squealed and jumped up. "I love this song. Did you ask for it, Sarah?" Bella shouted and led the other two further away from the drooling trio.

Paul listened to the song he hadn't heard before and watched Bella dancing and having fun. He felt like a teenage virgin, jeans tight with a loaded gun ready to shoot anytime.

Fuck that!

2.6.2021