Chapter 27

Paul was lying awake, Bella in his arms. He was unable to sleep. Today's events were playing in his mind non-stop. The sight he saw when he crashed into the shop tortured him. Bella being helpless and that fucking lowlife manhandling her and grounding himself into her. He wanted to vomit again. The thought of what might have happened would have happened if he hadn't gotten there in time…

He groaned out loud and shivered. Was he ever going to live this down?

He thought about Charlie's words about blaming himself. He knew Charlie was probably right, but how the fuck could he not blame himself. He had a gut feeling about James and hadn't acted on it. He hadn't told Bella what he thought about James after the boat trip thinking that she would be out of James's reach soon anyway. If he had told her, she would have known to be careful around him. Of course, he'd never thought anything like this could happen, but then it had.

It shouldn't have happened.

If Bella didn't know Paul, James would never have met her, and today would never have happened. So, no matter how you looked at it, it happened because of him.

When he had grabbed that lowlife off Bella, he had wanted to kill him. He had never felt rage that strong. It was only the fear of Bella getting hurt when she had grabbed his waist that had made him stop. And of that, he was thankful that he stopped. No matter how much he wanted that piece of shit dead, he didn't want to be a killer. It would have taken him away from Bella. The thought made him so utterly sad that he winced.

Charlie had told them that James was going down. They could quickly establish his records and past arrests, and it was easy to see the pattern: women didn't want to press any charges. As it so often was the case with sexual assaults. In his records, there were many cases, some severe. Charlie did smell something fishy about the whole thing; charges shouldn't have been dropped only because the women didn't press any charges. But it was just a hunch and something he wasn't allowed to talk with them anyway. And Paul didn't care as long as James went down.

"Stop, please stop," Bella sobbed but didn't wake up.

"Shh, baby, it's only a bad dream. You are safe now," Paul said, lump in his throat, and stroked her cheek and hair. His heart wrenched at the thought that something terrible had happened to Bella. This beautiful woman in his arms had almost been raped. His body started to shake.

He focused on his breathing. Breathing in and out. Slowly through the nose. In and out. He could feel the tension loosen, and his body calmed down.

Bella had been pretty shaken up at the police station and was exhausted after giving her official statement. On their way home, she was barely able to keep her eyes open and had fallen asleep on the ten-minute drive. Paul had carried her to the living room couch, where she had slept for an hour.

While she slept, Paul had prepared them dinner and read the brochure they had given him at the police station. It offered advice on supporting your partner when she has been through sexual assault. Paul was grateful for that leaflet. He really wouldn't know how to behave and what to do or what not to do, and he was scared shittles he would do something wrong.

"Son, you know what to do," Charlie had told him when he saw the desperation on his face. His confidence in him touched him, but he didn't feel it himself.

After Bella had woken up, she seemed to be feeling much better. She had talked about what had happened and told them that she was shaken, but she would not let it affect her life. Charlie had said to her that she didn't have to be strong and was allowed to be scared and angry. They talked, had dinner and watched some tv. From time to time, it had almost felt as if nothing out of the ordinary hadn't happened. It hadn't felt right. Paul had wanted to be angry and shout and punch something. But he had stayed put. He needed to be with Bella.

Peter had come to see her. He had been terrified and blamed himself that something like this had been able to happen. Of course, it was all bullshit. Young women should be able to work alone in a shop without being afraid of being assaulted. A place like Forks, with a population of 3500 people, should be safe. And yeah, she would have been if Paul hadn't introduced Bella to James.

Fuck! He groaned again. This guilt wouldn't go away.

Bella had told Peter that she wanted to continue working at the shop as before. Paul was terrified about the idea, emotionally. Rationally he knew that as long as James was locked up, Bella would be safe, but his need to protect her was on overdrive.

They had all agreed that if Peter had to be away, someone would be there at the shop with her. At first, Bella didn't like the idea, but after realizing it would make it easier for Paul and her father, she gave up. Paul was going to ask the days Peter was away free from his boss Thomas so he could stay with Bella. Charlie was also able to work from the bookshop if needed.

There was one good thing that came out of this nightmare; he got Charlie's respect and trust. He would never have wanted to gain it this way, but now he got it all the same. And of that, he was thankful. They would always share that feeling of relief, Bella being safe after fearing the worst. They both loved Bella.

It seemed Paul eventually fell asleep because he woke up feeling Bella's eyes on him. He had to smile. He peeked through his lashes, and his breath hitched. Bella was smiling at him with the sleepy smile he adored. She was so fucking beautiful. She brushed his cheek with her thumb and leaned to kiss him. Paul shivered.

"Good morning, sleepy head," she whispered.

"Good morning, beautiful. How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Would you believe me if I said I'm feeling pretty good?" Bella asked and kissed him again.

Bella's touch made him hard, but he tried his best to press his arousal down.

"I don't know. You did cry in your sleep," he whispered and brushed the hair from her face over her shoulder.

"Yeah, I did dream about it, but I felt you, and it made the dream go away," Bella whispered back.

"Really?" Paul felt a smile spreading onto his face.

"Yes, really."

Bella nuzzled his neck and kissed his jaw. She pressed herself against his body, and Paul was trying hard not to be aroused, and his body stiffened.

"What's wrong, baby?" Bella asked.

He didn't know what to say or what to do. The brochure he read yesterday said that after sexual assault, the partner shouldn't press for sex, and now, he was fully aroused and feeling ashamed.

"I don't know what to do," he said honestly.

"Oh baby, I don't feel violated in a way that I wouldn't want you. I get it; you think I can't stand the idea of sex because of what happened to me."

Paul sighed in relief.

"You are so fucking, smart, baby. I got a brochure from the police station yesterday that tells how to support your partner in the cases like this."

"And you are doing everything right. Last night you helped me get rid of that bad dream, and right now, you are here with me, making me feel safe and wanted. You are doing everything right. And I want you. What happened didn't put me off sex. But we can just make out a little. Maybe it is good for us both now, hmm?" Bella said and kissed him and squeezed his ass.

He was shamefully hard. Making out sounded good. He kissed her and pressed her against him. Bella moaned when she felt his rock-hard erection against her abdomen. He couldn't suppress his moan feeling her hands on his hair, scraping his scalp. Goosebumps erupted all over his body.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered and kissed her with all the passion he had for her.

"I love you too. And you know Paul, what happened wasn't your fault. I can't stand it that you blame yourself," Bella said.

Paul sighed and pressed his forehead against hers, noses brushing each other.

"But you can't deny that if you hadn't known me, James wouldn't have known you, and this wouldn't have happened. Or if I've told you what I thought about him after the boat trip, you would probably have been cautious with him, and this wouldn't have happened."

"May it be so, but are you telling me that it would have been better if we had never met, huh? Life happens, and not all things are good. And you really couldn't know he was that crazy; if you had, you would have told me, right?"

Bella took his head between her hands and looked at his eyes with so much love, and warmth, and Paul was sucked into the depths of her eyes.

"It was scary, and I probably will suffer from some kind of trauma for a while, but I won't let what happened to me affect me or us. And you shouldn't either. Please, honey, let it go. Shit happens, ok. It could have been worse, but it wasn't, and it is because of you. You came there and saved me. You also helped the police to catch a serial rapist. Let's be thankful for those things and that nothing too bad happened and it was all because of you, ok?"

"Fuck baby, when you said it like that... I'm a selfish fucker, and I can't imagine my life without you. But I can't help the feeling of being responsible."

"Would Kai be able to help you? I mean to ease up the guilt bit. Didn't you tell me that he has some spiritual bullshit, using your words here," Bella giggled and nuzzled his neck, "that he had planned for you? And maybe just getting some steam out."

"You think of everything, hmm?" Paul said and brushed his pinkie over her cheek. Bella closed her eyes and leaned to his touch.

"But this isn't about me. What it is that you need to get over this shit?"

"I need you to stop blaming yourself. We'll get through this together," Bella said

"That's what your father said." Paul kissed her jaw.

"Well, there you go. You know Chief Swan speaks from the experience."

Paul sighed. She was right. Blaming himself wasn't doing anything else than damage.

"And do you remember the talk you started earlier this week when Bane came here?"

Paul stiffed a bit; he sure did remember; it had been all he'd thought about the last two days before this happened.

"Yeah …"

"You want us to be exclusive."

"Yeah …"

"I want that too. I could never want anybody else than you. You are everything I could ever want. I knew it before yesterday, but how you made me feel safe made me realize it even clearer. I love you, Paul, with all my heart. You are It for me," Bella finished and kissed him.

Paul felt his heart burst and his whole body jolted with an electric current of joy that spread from his toes to the top of his hair.

"Fuck baby. You make me so happy!"

Paul squeezed Bella against his chest and kissed every spot on her face.

"Let's go make breakfast for Charlie. Maybe you could teach me how to make those killer banana pancakes."

"I want to kiss you senseless before we leave this room," Paul said and fisted his other hand into Bella's messy hair, and with the other, he pulled her tightly against his body and kissed her.

Paul felt he must be the happiest man on the planet. As cliché as it might be, it was exactly how he felt.

After breakfast, Paul called Kai and told him what had happened. Kai was shocked. He knew James, and even though he had always thought something was a bit off about him, especially after returning from Afghanistan, he never could have believed he was a serial rapist. He asked Paul to come by, and they would do a proper workout. Paul was torn; he didn't want to leave Bella, but she and Charlie told him to go. Charlie said he would be home with Bella and ensure she was ok. So, Paul left.

"Chief Swan is right; blaming yourself won't do any good. And you must realize that no matter what you did or didn't do, whether it had something to do with what happened or didn't have, it doesn't change the fact that it did happen. Ok?"

Kai had his hands on Paul's shoulders and eyes locked into his, wanting to make sure Paul listened and understood.

"There is nothing you can do about it, so there is no reason to dwell in the past. What matters now is how you two are going forward. And it seems that as awful as the situation for Bella and you was, so much worse could have happened. Be grateful it didn't happen," Kai told him.

"That's exactly what Bella said."

"She is a very wise woman," Kai smiled.

"Oh man, she is amazing. But I am a bit worried about her," Paul said, "it seems that she is always worried about everybody else and thinking of others before herself. This morning she was worried about how I will deal with this guilt shit instead of thinking what she would need to feel better."

"It sounds like she has a habit of carrying everybody else's problems and forgetting her own. There is a risk that if she doesn't deal with what happened to her, it can cause numerous symptoms like stress and anxiety, overwhelming fear, insomnia, shame, anger, self-blame," Kai told him.

"That is what I'm afraid about. Her father tried to tell her that she doesn't have to be strong, and she is allowed to be angry and whatever, but she just keeps going on almost as if nothing happened." Paul hadn't realized how worried he actually was until now.

"What if you brought her to my place for dinner some night? I really would like to meet her, and I might be able to chat with her a little about what happened," Kai asked.

"Sure. Unless you want to come to my place, I could make that roasted crispy chicken thigs and sweet and sour noodles you liked last time you came," Paul offered.

"Sounds even better," Kai chuckled.

And then they started.

They were going to work out as long as was needed.

...

"Any gas in the tank"?" Kai asked after two and half hours panting heavily.

"Yep, there's some, but I think it's better to stop. Need to get back to my woman," Paul said.

He had got out what he needed. In his mind, he had killed that son of a bitch a hundred times. He felt relaxed, and the euphoria after good exercise filled his body and mind.

"Oh, Lahote, you really got it bad," Kai chuckled.

"Yep!" Paul said, popping the p in the end.