Chapter 48

"What did you say?" Paul asked but got no response. Bella had left her phone behind, and he was looking at the ceiling of their home feeling hopeless and confused.

He was quite sure he had heard her saying she thought she might be pregnant.

"Bella!?" he shouted, but she didn't answer.

Paul was starting to panic. What had happened to her? She was feeling sick, so she had to go to the bathroom he tried to reason with himself. She is okay. Bella is okay.

Paul was pacing in his living room. He would wait for a while, but if Bella wouldn't come back to the phone soon, he would leave for Seattle to get to her.

It felt like eternity before Bella came back to the phone. Paul saw she felt terrible, her eyes were watery, and she was so pale.

"Please baby talk to me," he pleaded.

"Sorry Paul, I had to run to the bathroom," Bella said with very quiet voice.

"I might be pregnant," she continued with a tiny voice. She had sat down on the couch and wasn't looking at her phone screen. Her hand was slowly falling on her lap and soon the only thing he saw was the ceiling again and then he heard Bella crying.

"Bella, look at me, baby please," Paul pleaded. But nothing happened.

Paul was getting anxious.

"Please baby, don't shut me out. Lift your phone so I can see you."

Bella did just that. Tears were falling on her face, and she was rubbing her temples.

"Talk to me baby. Pregnant? How can you be pregnant? We've been going on like bunnies for over a year, and you haven't got pregnant before."

"I don't know Paul. I really don't. I haven't done anything differently."

"But are you sure you're pregnant?" Paul asked. His mind was racing with his heart. He knew the timing was a bit off, but he couldn't be happier if Bella indeed, was pregnant. But he knew that Bella might not feel the same way, not right now at least.

"No, I'm not sure, I only just realized that I'm late. This autumn has been crazy busy, and I just hadn't been paying attention, but I know for sure I haven't forgot to take the pill. I take it so shit like this wouldn't happen. I haven't had any medication that might lessen the effects of the pill either. I really don't understand how this could have happened."

Bella started to sob again.

"How we got so unlucky. It's like 0,1 % possibility to get pregnant when you take your pills as constantly as I do?! What the fuck is the reason for taking them if they don't prevent the pregnancy?! How the hell can I be pregnant?!"

Paul winced. Bella didn't usually swear and when she did, she was really upset. Did she really think they were unlucky. He himself was starting to feel joy spreading through his body about the idea to have a baby. A baby. Paul couldn't avoid the smile that was spreading to his face. Maybe it was a good thing Bella didn't look at him at that moment.

"Oh Paul, what are we going to do? Why this is happening to us? I can't deal with the pregnancy right now."

Feeling just the opposite Paul didn't know what to say.

"I... I hardly manage with the studies as … as it is, if I lose concentration ... I … I can't keep up, I'll drop out. I... I won't become what I've worked so hard for," she managed to say between her sobs.

Paul's heart was ripped out of his chest seeing Bella crying and not being able to be there with her. Fuck, this was HUGE. He should be there with her.

"Baby don't cry. We figure all out. I'll pack my bag and start driving. I should be there around 11 tonight," he tried to comfort her.

"FUCK!" he cried out.

"Why are you shouting?" Bella sobbed.

"Sorry baby, I just remembered I have the final exam tomorrow. GODDAMN!"

Paul was fuming. This was one of the most important moments in their relationship in his whole fucking life and he was stuck here at the fucking La Push not being able to be with her.

Bella sighed heavily and wiped the tears off her face.

"Paul, you can't let this affect your exam. It is such an important thing for you," Bella said trying to sound less shattered.

"Damn baby, you know that nothing is more important to me than you," Paul said feeling helpless.

"Yes, I know that, but you can't let this affect your exam, please. I shouldn't have said anything," Bella said her voice cracking and tears running down her cheeks.

"Don't say that. Fuck baby, please Bella," Paul was getting desperate. "It kills me not to be able to be there with you. I won't leave today I promise but as soon as the exam is over tomorrow, I get my ass over there and we do the pregnancy test, okay? I should be there around 5pm."

"Okay … Oh shit Paul, I 'm going to throw up again. I'll call you back." And she hung up.

"FUCK!" Paul shouted and slammed his phone on the couch.

This wasn't happening.

He paced in the living room feeling every fucking emotion imaginable.

He was over the moon to think that Bella might be pregnant, mad that he wasn't there with her, worried what she felt about the situation, afraid what she wanted to do with the pregnancy, uncertain what he should do. He wanted to leave for Seattle, but he couldn't. It would be worse if he skipped the exam because it would mean he would have to stay in Port fucking Angeles for extra two months.

He got excellent assessment and references from his work practice and the executive chef had offered him a job at the restaurant, but he wouldn't get the certification before he would pass the exam. Failing it now would mean extra studying and next exam that would be organized in the end of February. So, he didn't have another choice than to be patient. And he fucking sucked at being patient.

Paul went to the kitchen to get a beer. Sam was visiting Sarah in New York so he had his place for himself. He was leaving Seattle tomorrow and next time he would come back, it would be to visit Miss S.

He opened the bottle and took a swig.

A baby.

He and Bella were in totally different page with this one, first time they've been together they felt differently about something so important.

He got why Bella felt like she did. It was her who was pregnant and puking her stomach content to the toilet. It was her who had to take the full blow what it meant to be pregnant. It was easy for him to be happy, he got absolutely nothing to lose only to gain. He would be a father. A fucking father.

He knew he should be terrified. He had no fucking clue how to be a good father, his own had been abusive motherfucker and he didn't even want to think about his fucking mother. But he knew that if he did everything differently than his parents had done, he would do good. And that he wanted; he wanted to have a kid he could be a good parent for, something he never had himself. And he knew that with Bella, with her help, he could be just that. He wanted it bad. So bad he didn't know was it even normal.

Thinking about his parents made him thinking about the box that was still in his wardrobe. The wardrobe was now empty of his clothes but on the top shelf there was the box. He could hardly leave it here but he had actively tried to forget it existed at all. But he had to take it with him tomorrow when he left.

His mind was reeling when the phone buzzed, it was Bella.

"Baby, are you okay?"

"No, honestly I'm not. I know I'm pregnant without the test. And it kills me. What are we going to do?"

Paul sighed. She really was in totally different book than him with this thing. But he understood her.

"Would you wait till tomorrow, so we can make the test together? I believe when you say you know but we need to be sure, and I want to be there when you make the test. And baby, I know this is a shock for you, but we'll make things work, okay?"

"I'll wait you to come here. I need to study Paul and try to eat something that would stay inside," Bella sighed.

"Try something very light and cold rather than warm," Paul told Bella. He was trying to remember what Jared had told him about Kim's pregnancy. He was cursing himself not having paid more attention what Jared had told him. "Maybe you could go and get the bean-salad from Veggie Grill?"

"Yeah, I'll do that. Some fresh air would do me good. Good luck for your exam tomorrow baby. You'll be awesome, I know."

"Thanks. It's no biggie, but I must do it. I'll come around 5pm tomorrow and I'll bring the tests, okay baby. Call me if you want to talk or if you want us to watch movie together or maybe first episode of Sherlock. We haven't watched that for a long time."

They sometimes watched movies together even they weren't together. They shared the screen on laptop and left the cameras on. They've watched movies often like that and chatted and quite often ended up having phone sex. There had been times they had been separated for weeks so it had been better than nothing.

"We'll watch Sherlock tomorrow when you're here. I try to eat something and then read a bit and get some sleep. I'll call you before I go to sleep okay."

"Okay baby. I love you." Paul said.

"Love you."

Bella was a mess. This wasn't happening. I can't be pregnant. I cannot be pregnant. She chanted in her head while heaving over the toilet seat and knowing for sure she was pregnant. Tears were running down her face and the headache was killing her.

She had woken up this morning after sleeping hardly at all. She had gone to the lecture anyway because it was the last one before the exam she'd been studying like crazy past weeks. She had never felt so sick in her life. It was hardly surprising after not sleeping and not being able to keep anything she ate inside of her since the brunch morning before.

She had just come back home from the Uni but she needed to go out to get some fresh air. Being inside felt suffocating. She had to try to eat something too. She decided to try something from the bakery downstairs and go to eat to the park. It was nice weather outside.

She put on her thick winter jacket and left. She wasn't due working today, so she didn't go to see Paula. She didn't want to talk with her about why she was sick. No yet. Paula had called her last night and Bella had told her she most likely had a food poisoning. She didn't like to lie to Paula, but she hardly could talk about the pregnancy. Maybe there was a chance she wasn't pregnant after all. She knew she was lying to herself thinking about that, but she needed the possibility all of this not being what it was. Yes, she was a mess.

She left the building and went inside the bakery that was next door to theirs. She was happy to notice that the smells in the small bakery didn't turn her stomach around. There was nothing left in her system anyway; She'd been puking bile for the last 15 hours.

"How can I help you pet?" Old woman asked. She had a very strong British accent.

"I would like something that might help with upset stomach. Something with ginger perhaps?" Bella said.

"Oh, you came to the right place. I've just made fresh batch of shortbreads with different flavors, one of them ginger. I think you might like the ones with lemon lavender and Earl Grey too."

"They sound good," Bella said to the lady. And they really did. "I'll take two each and maybe some ice green tea, if you have any."

"Sure pet, I have ice green tea, but it is very cold outside. Are you sure you wouldn't want hot one instead?"

"No thank you. I don't feel like having anything hot right now."

Bella got her cookies and the ice-tea. She paid and left the bakery. She crossed the street and walked to the park.

She hoped Paul was able to concentrate on his exam. She was so mad at herself not keeping her mouth shut. She shouldn't have said anything, but she hadn't been thinking. She'd been in shock. She still was.

There were quite many people around. It was a nice sunny day for a December. She found an empty bench close to the kids play area. She sat down. She was feeling dizzy, and the nausea was there. It was there all the damn time.

She opened the paper bag with the cookies and took out one still warm shortbread. She sniffed the cookie; it was lemon and lavender. She took a hesitant bite and let the flavors to spread into her mouth. It felt heaven to taste something else than stomach acids and toothpaste. She took another bite and still she didn't feel like vomiting.

She sighed and watched the playground. And it hit her: she would be a mother soon and she couldn't help the tears that started to flow. She wasn't ready. There was so much to do, she didn't have time to become a mother. And there were so many things you couldn't do while pregnant, just last week she had signed up for a diving excursion in San Fransisco. Now she would have to cancel that.

With Paul many things that she thought she wanted from her life had changed. She was married at 22, been almost for a year now. And when they hadn't known if Paul was the father of Victoria's baby, she had really thought about wanting kids with Paul and had prayed all deities imaginable that the baby wouldn't be his even though she had felt bad for the baby. She wanted to be the only woman to have kids with Paul. But the plan was after she'd graduated, and Paul would have a steady job. Years from now.

She had all the confidence for Paul finding a good job soon. He was too talented not to. But she was struggling with her studies. Had all the hard work been for nothing? Was she able to continue if she was feeling this sick for a long time? All the time? What about when the baby was born?

She had a friend in Honolulu who had had an abortion during her freshman year in college. And she didn't deny that the idea had come into her mind too, but she had dismissed it as soon as she had realized she was thinking about it. She could never terminate her pregnancy, especially when the baby was conceived with love. She was pregnant to a man she was deeply in love with, who was her husband, who would be a great father. No, she couldn't. Every woman had right for their own bodies, right to do what they thought was for the best for them, but abortion wasn't an option for her. And it wasn't like she was too young either. Biologically she was in a perfect childbearing age.

No, she hadn't planned this, at this moment she didn't want to become a mother, but she had to deal with it. They would deal with it: she and Paul.

She wiped the tears that kept falling on her cheeks.

"Isabella is that you? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Bella heard someone calling and she knew who it was, no one else called her Isabella than Edward fucking Cullen. Why was he here? Why was he talking to her? She did not want to see him or talk to him. Of course, him being here had nothing to do with her, it was open park and he lived fairly close. But she wanted him gone.

She glanced at him and replied, "I'm fine, just needed time to think and to be alone."

"You don't look fine, Isabella," Edward insisted. "Is it something that husband of yours had done?"

"It is none of your concern, please leave it and leave me alone."

But Edward didn't listen instead he sat beside her. She moved further away from him.

"Please leave me alone. I don't want to talk with you about this or about anything really. Not after everything that happened. You were very kind to let the charges drop and your family's help was appreciated. But none of that had happened if you had just left me, us, be. And the call you made to Paul was a final push. Now please go."

But Edward didn't leave. "Please Isabella, you really look ill. Can I get you something?"

"No Edward. I'm just feeling a bit sick, but it's under control and I have what I want to eat."

Why didn't he just leave. She took another bite from her biscuit and chewed slowly. She looked at a small boy who was running on the playground and his father, well most likely his father, was fake running to let the little boy win. The boy was screaming with joy and celebrating winning his dad. Bella sighed and wiped away the tears still forming in her eyes.

"Look Isabella," Edward said. She was startled by his voice she had almost forgot he was sitting there, "I understand that you hate me and I don't blame you. I fucked up and said and did stupid things. I hope you would be able to forgive me though."

"Why? Why does it matter if I forgive you or not. We won't ever have anything to do with each other. It shouldn't matter," Bella said. She really didn't have any patience for this. She got up but Edward grabbed her arm.

"It just does, please," he said quietly looking at her with an expression she didn't understand.

"I'm not the one you should ask forgiveness anyway."

"I hope he is treating you well," Edward said letting her arm go.

"Believe me, he is. He is the best man for me, and I love him with everything I have," Bella said and left.

Thankfully Edward didn't say anything else and didn't follow her. She walked briskly back to her home and went in.

She ate one of each cookie and drank the ice tea. It seemed that those cookies were becoming her favorite food, they stayed in her stomach and she felt almost normal, almost. But she was so tired she could hardly keep her eyes open, and it was just after one pm. She decided to take a nap on the couch. She fell asleep as soon as she laid her head on the pillow and pulled the throw over her body.

Paul opened the door to their home. He saw Bella on the couch. She was sleeping. He closed the door silently behind him. He dropped his bag on the floor and walked to her.

She looked pale but she slept peacefully. He didn't want to wake her. He sat on the floor beside her and just watched her. He placed the paper bag holding in two pregnancy tests to the ground.

She had dark circles under her eyes. Paul brushed very lightly string of hair off her face. She stirred and opened her beautiful eyes. She smiled looking very tired.

"Oh, Paul you're here. How was the exam?" She asked.

"Piece of cake. How are you feeling?"

And it was like at that moment Bella remembered what was happening and her smile faded a little and worry laced her eyes.

She got up to sit and Paul rose from the floor taking her to his lap. Bella buried her head into his neck and started to cry.

He let her cry. He brushed her hair and kissed her forehead. There was no need for words for this moment. He felt himself relax being finally able to hold her and to be with her. Nothing else mattered. She was worried and scared, but he was here with her.

After a while she stopped crying.

"Oh, Paul what are we going to do?"

"I think we should make the test first. We don't know for sure before we do that," Paul said lifting her chin so he could see her eyes.

"I've done some digging," he said. He'd been unable to sleep last night so he had been looking for all sorts of info about being a pregnant university student.

"I looked up what your university says about pregnant students. You don't have to quit studying. You have the right to take time off if you need to for example being too sick to attend lessons or to do any work and you cannot be penalized for doing that and they must give you assignments that can be done at home or extend deadlines. And it says on the website that taking time off from studies isn't failing in any way. It is not something to be ashamed of. Many people have done that while pregnant or taking care of a baby. Your personal tutor helps you organizing things. You can go as slow as you need or take time off and go back when you feel you're up to it. And not all women have bad nausea. Maybe you'll get only mild ones and are able to continue. And you have me, I do anything to make it as easy as possible. When I apply for a job, I'm going to tell them that when the baby is born, I need to have time off. I have some money saved we can afford it." He really had thought about this a lot of last night. He was almost certain he had a job already in the restaurant Matt had told him about, he had called there during the week. He just needed to know what their policy of parental leave was.

Bella blinked and just looked at him without saying anything her eyes full of unshed tears.

"Please baby, tell me what you are thinking," Paul pleaded. He wanted to know what she was thinking. It made him crazy not knowing. And he really didn't. He prided himself on knowing his wife well but at this moment he didn't have a clue what was going in her head.

"I think we need to make the test."

Bella got up from his lap.

"Wait here, I'll come back after I've peed the damn stick and we go to see the result together, okay?"

Paul gave her the bag and she took it with a weak smile. Paul's heart was hammering out of his chest. He really wanted her to be pregnant. But if she wasn't, they would wait for the better timing. But he was able to admit himself he would be disappointed if the test would be negative. He got up from the couch and walked to one of the windows to look outside.

After a little while Bella came back to him and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind pressing her body against him.

"It's done. Three minutes and we got ourselves the result, but I know what it will be."

Paul turned around and lifted Bella to the windowsill and stood between her knees. He kissed her.

"Welcome home baby," Bella said to him nuzzling his neck. "Did you take all the rest of your stuff with you?"

"Yeah. I even remembered to take the box. It's still in the car though," Paul replied and kissed her again.

Then he pressed his forehead against hers.

"Are we ready?" he asked.

*Let's go."

Paul helped Bella down to the floor and they walked to the bathroom hand in hand.

Bella had left the tests on the edge of the bathtub. They took the last steps to look at tests that both had two bright pink lines on them.

AN:

Thank for your comments MMTyler and deliamoonfire. Of course, you knew that Paul is happy about the pregnancy. We must hope that Bella will be too.

Andmaemet we think alike. ;) I've planned them visiting Hawaii and I already know when and something that is going to happen there. I loved your suggestions, not too much at all. Thank you for sharing them. It's nice to hear that you like to read my story. I love my couple too.