Chapter 56

Bella opened her eyes. But shut them quickly; it was too bright and hurt her eyes. Where was she? What had happened? She tried to move her arms and her legs, but they felt heavy, and she didn't even feel her legs.

She started to panic. She could hear her heart rate peaking up on the heart monitor. Hospital? Why was she in a hospital? She glanced down at her body and saw tubes attached to her arm and hand. The baby. Her baby! She looked at her midsection, and the bump wasn't as big as it had been the last time she saw it.

Someone rushed in. "Mrs. Lahote," Bella saw a female nurse coming to her smile on her face. "You're in the hospital, and your baby is safe. She's healthy and with her father. We had to make a c-section..."

She. They had a baby girl. A warm feeling spread to her heart, and the beating slowed down.

"... I'll get the doctor to see you," the nurse said.

"What happened?" she croaked. Her throat was all dry. The nurse turned from the door and returned to her helping her to have some water. "Let the doctor explain," she said, smiling, leaving the room.

Bella was confused. The last thing she remembered was a sharp pain in her stomach and how she had leaned against the kitchen island, slid to the floor, and then nothing. She'd been putting away her and Paula's tea mugs when the pain had hit her. Why had it happened? She'd been fine before without any problems and hadn't fallen or hurt herself. Then she remembered Paul's mother. Was it the shock of seeing her that had caused this?

"Mrs. Lahote. I'm glad to see you awake," said the person who came in. "I'm doctor Harrison, and I'm happy to tell you that you and your husband have a healthy baby girl. She was born at 6.32 last night. We needed to operate you, and for that reason, you were sedated. It is 2.30 am."

She was so relieved to hear everything was okay with the baby. Paul must have been worried sick. Paul. She needed Paul here with her.

"Can I see my baby? I need to see her and Paul," she asked. Her voice was still coarse, and her throat felt itchy.

"Of course. Would you like to have them here while I tell you what happened?"

"Oh yes," Bella said.

The Doctor turned to the nurse and asked her to go and get Paul and the baby.

"I'll leave you to get to meet your daughter with your husband, but I'll come back a little later."

When the door opened, and Paul came in holding their baby, she felt overwhelmed for a second, and tears started to run down her cheeks.

"Bella, baby, oh God," Paul said with a thick voice as he came next to her bed and leaned down to her wrapping his free arm around her frame. He cried. "Oh God … I... I thought I'd lost you."

"Oh, Paul. I'm here," Bella said, crying. It must have been bad if Paul had thought she might die.

Paul lifted his head and kissed her. He looked terrible; pale, eyes bloodshot, and hair sticking everywhere. Poor baby.

Bella tried to move so she could touch his face, but she was so weak. Her arms felt like they were made of concrete.

"Here she is, our Lilyanne," he whispered through his tears. Paul moved the bundle in his arms close to her face so she could see her.

Bella looked at her daughter and saw the ink-black hair, pink face with closed eyes, and button nose. Her lips were puckered. She was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

"Paul, she is so beautiful. Is everything okay with her?"

"Yes. She's perfect."

Paul moved Lilyanne a little closer so she could kiss her cheek. She was sleeping. Her ink-black hair felt soft against her cheek. Bella inhaled her scent, and it was just as good as everybody had said. Bella felt love filling her heart and every part of her being. This was their little B, the little person who made her so sick she'd hoped to die, the little person who kept her up the last month because she was too uncomfortable to sleep. But Lilyanne was worth all that.

She turned to look at Paul. His dark eyes filled with tears. Oh, how she ached to touch him.

"Baby, I was so scared," Paul said, kissing her lightly. "But you are safe now."

Lilyanne made a slight noise, and it was then that Bella saw the dark newborn eyes of her baby girl for the first time. Lilyanne looked straight at her. Bella had heard that many babies were born with blue eyes, but Lilyanne had deep dark eyes.

"Hello, sweetheart," she cooed. "I'm your mummy... Oh, Paul, she is so beautiful," Bella whispered.

"She is, just like you. Your dad said that she looked just like you when you were born," Paul said. He was smiling now.

"My dad? Is Charlie here?" Bella asked. She wanted to see her dad.

"Yes, he and Paula came a few hours ago. You want to see them?" Paul asked and moved to take a chair so he could sit next to her bed. He placed Lilyanne carefully on her chest. Bella inhaled the amazing scent of her daughter.

"Yes."

"We ask the doctor to get Charlie when he returns."

"And Paula," she added.

"Yes. She told me that something happened today that might have caused all this. She said she couldn't tell me what it was."

Bella didn't know what to say. This was not the time to tell him about his mother showing up.

"Baby, is it okay if I tell you later? I want this moment to be just about us."

Paul looked at her for a moment. "Yeah. I guess after all that happened today, and we are all still here, nothing else really matters."

"It's nothing bad, I promise. It's just … I'll tell you when the time is right."

"Okay. I trust you, baby," Paul said, kissing the corner of her mouth.

Lilyanne started to whimper, and it was then that the Doctor returned with a nurse in tow.

"I think it's time Lilyanne to have her first feed," Doctor Harrison said. "Nurse Taylor will help you to move up a bit, but not too much."

Paul took Lilyanne and moved to give the nurse room to help Bella.

She lifted Bella's bed a little so she was a bit more upright and helped her open buttons in her hospital gown to reveal her chest.

"Are you able to move your arms?" the nurse asked.

They felt heavy, but she could, just. She nodded. The nurse helped her with the tube attached to her other hand and arm.

Paul pealed the blanket of Lilyanne's tiny body and carefully placed her on Bella's chest. Bella touched her baby's skin for the first time. It was soft in most parts, but there was waxlike vernix on her back and forehead. Her legs were like sticks, so skinny. Bella giggled at how she looked with her diaper, which looked too big.

"She so tiny. Are you sure she's okay?" Bella asked, feeling the concern she knew would be part of her everyday life from now on.

"Yes, she is perfect. A bit on a smaller side, but nothing to be concerned about," the nurse said, smiling.

Paul sat down on the chair, and they counted her tiny toes and fingers together.

"I can't believe she's finally here," Bella whispered.

"Yeah," Paul said, his eyes welling up with tears again. He swallowed.

"You could now try to breastfeed her. Move her on your breast," the nurse said.

Paul shifted Lilyanne a little so her mouth was close to Bella's other nipple. Lilyanne nuzzled her breast. She turned her head, her tiny mouth open, and then licked her nipple. It tickled. The noises she made were adorable little grunts and whimpers. Then she latched and started sucking. Bella looked in awe at her baby and then Paul as Lilyanne sucked. It felt strange, but it didn't hurt.

"She has natural reflexes to latch onto your breast," the nurse told them. She hovered over them for a while to check if Lilyanne had correctly latched.

"That's perfect," she said. "You are natural, Bella."

Bella smiled at the nurse and then turned to look at her baby. Paul brushed his finger over Lilyanne's cheek, then wrapped his arm around her shoulders and moved closer. He entwined his other hand's fingers with hers, and together they held their daughter as she had her first feed.

"I love you, Bella," he said quietly.

Bella turned to look at him. "I love you too, so much." And they kissed.

It didn't take long for Lilyanne to fall asleep, and the nipple popped out of her mouth.

Doctor Harris had returned to the room at some point, and now he came closer, clearing his throat.

"Mrs. Lahote. I could now tell you what happened if it's alright with you." Bella nodded, glancing at Paul, who looked sad again. He kissed her cheek. "You were bleeding when you were brought to the hospital," Doctor Harris told her. "We had to do an emergency section and... I'm sorry to say that we had to perform a hysterectomy. It means we removed your womb but left the cervix. It was the only way to stop the bleeding."

"Oh," was all Bella said. She couldn't have another baby, ever.

She looked at Paul, staring at her with his dark eyes, anxious to know what she felt. Bella turned her eyes to their tiny baby on her chest. She felt a sense of loss but couldn't feel sadness. Not now when she had her newborn baby in her arms and Paul was with her. It was everything and more she'd ever hoped for. The time when she would mourn the loss of the possibility of having another baby might come, or it might not. What was important was what they had now. And they had everything.

"We have Lilyanne," she said. "And we have each other."

Bella turned to look at Paul. He was smiling, tears running down his cheeks. Bella wanted to wipe them away, but she couldn't move her arm. She leaned in to kiss him.

"I feel the same way. It might hit later, but this is perfect right now. After I almost lost you..." Paul swallowed, "I'm not sure I could go through it again. Over half of the pregnancy was terrifying with your sickness, and what happened today... " He shook his head.

"We also had to perform a blood transfusion; the loss of blood was considerable," the Doctor continued explaining the situation. "You have a drip in your hand to get your pain medication and in your arm to get the essential fluids you need. You have a catheter that drains urine and a drainage tube in your abdomen to remove the blood under the wound."

"That's a lot of tubes," Bella noted.

"Yes. We can almost certainly take that tube in your abdomen away tomorrow evening. We monitor you to ensure that you recover from the operation. The pain medication is safe to use while you breastfeed."

Lilyanne's mouth made sucking movements, and she looked adorable. Bella ached to touch her cheek, but she didn't have the energy to move her arm.

"We encourage you to do a little walk tomorrow to help your blood flow normally. It helps to minimize the risk of complications such as blood clots in your legs. Once you are well enough, you will be transferred to the postnatal ward to complete your recovery. If everything goes well, you can leave the hospital in five days. It will take 6-8 weeks to heal from the operation. We take the stitches off after one week."

Bella's head was spinning. There was a lot of information to take in.

"Do you have any questions? I think this is all that is important for now. We'll discuss more later, and I'm sure you won't necessarily remember all I just told you. That happens almost every time," the Doctor said, smiling.

Bella looked at Paul, who was looking at her.

"I think getting our heads around all this takes some time. Do you know what caused this? I mean, was it something I did?"

"Usually, it is caused by sudden movements like falling or a car accident. We haven't seen any physical marks in you that told us you might have fallen. What happened before you lost your consciousness?"

Bella glanced at Paul. Paul squeezed her hand.

"I saw someone, and it was a bit of a shock. I... I fainted, but after I recovered, I was feeling normal."

Paul's eyes were full of questions, but he knew Bella would tell him when the time was right.

"It doesn't sound like something that could cause your placenta to detach. But sometimes, the cause remains unknown. And it most likely will be the case with you too. But the most important thing is that you will heal and continue your everyday life. You won't have periods anymore, and this won't affect your sex life, physically, at least. You've gone through trauma, and I recommend you both seek counseling and talk through what happened. We have a counselor here if you wish to talk with her. She specializes in treating new families just like you. You, Mrs. Lahote have had a difficult pregnancy, and now this has happened, it is very natural to go through baby blues or even depression after all that. Don't hesitate to talk about your emotions and feelings. I see that you are a solid item, Mr. and Mrs. Lahote. Whatever this hardship brings you, you'll get through, but don't hesitate to ask for help or take it when offered."

"Thank you, Doctor. You sure have given us a lot to think about," Bella said.

Paul's mind was reeling. Now that the fear of losing Bella was gone, other strong emotions started to fill him.

"Can my father and his wife come to see us now?" Bela asked the Doctor.

"Of course. I'll get them. But I won't encourage them to stay long. You all need rest. Paul is more than welcome to stay here. We'll bring another bed for him. And after tomorrow, we will transfer you to the postnatal ward, where he can also stay. I think that there is no way he'll leave you two anyway," the Doctor chuckled as he left the room.

The Doctor was right there. But now that Charlie and Paula were coming to see Bella and Lilyanne, Paul needed to get out for a bit. He needed some fresh air and a moment to process all this alone.

"Hey, baby," he said as he leaned to kiss Bella's forehead, "I need some fresh air. I'll pop outside while you introduce Lilyanne to Charlie. He hadn't held her yet."

"Oh, okay. Are you okay, Paul? You look so pale and tired."

"I'm going to be. I've never been so close to losing my mind as I was in the last few hours, so fucking scared I almost couldn't breathe. But it's behind now."

"We really should talk to that counselor." Bella looked at him with concern.

Paul nodded. He was sure they would both need the help, and he was fucking glad they would get it here. He remembered when he took Bella to the hospital for the first time, the Doctor telling the same: that Bella would need help to go through all the shit she's gone through. And now this, and losing the ability to have more children, having a big part of her body ripped away from her... Jesus. Paul could hardly grasp what it all meant to her. She had almost fucking died multiple times before their baby had been born.

Charlie and Paul came in, and they both were in tears as soon as they saw them all three together.

"Oh, kiddo, you don't know how happy I am to see you," Charlie said thickly.

Paul looked when Charlie came to his daughter and granddaughter; for a second, he envied Bella that she had her parent here after all that happened to comfort and take care of her. He knew Charlie loved him as his own son and was here for him as much as for Bella. But he missed mommy Holly now, maybe more than ever.

He moved carefully so as not to hurt Bella.

"I'll go out for a bit and get us something nice to drink when I come back."

"Okay," Bella said, turning her head so he could kiss her one more time. Her lips were dry, and he wanted to lick them, but now wasn't the time.

"How are you, Paul?" Paula asked, touching his arm. Paula was one of the few people Paul didn't mind touching him. Her concern touched Paul.

"I'm okay. We'll talk later. I need to go and get some fresh air."

Paula nodded and turned to watch Charlie with his family.

Paul left the room, although a big part of him wanted to stay. It was against his instincts to leave his family even for a little while. But he was starting to feel angry, as irrational as it was in such a time; he'd just become a father, for fuck's sake. But once again, he almost lost a person who was the most important to him. He honestly didn't know if he had had the will to go on if Bella had died, even for Lilyanne. She would have had Charlie and Paula. He wouldn't be able to be a parent to her without Bella.

He needed to beat the shit out of something.

Kai was too far away and wouldn't be here soon enough, and he could hardly pick a fight with the security guard. He grabbed a couple of towels from the cart and headed to the waiting hall. He needed to hit something, and towels might help him not to hurt himself too badly. There was a forest behind the hospital; he would go there and give some poor tree a bashing; although he would only hurt himself. But he needed it almost as much as the air to breathe. For a while, he considered taking a taxi in the city and picking a fight with some crackhead, but he didn't want to go too far, and it would cause problems if he hurt someone too badly.

There were surprisingly many people in the waiting hall, considering it was 4 am. He was walking toward the sliding doors when he saw a middle-aged woman with short dark hair. She looked familiar.

"Paul?" the woman said.

Paul couldn't understand who this woman was, but then the realization hit. This was why Bella had had a shock. Bella had almost died because of her.

Paul saw red.

AN:

Sorry for the wait. I've been stupid to start yet another story, but I've also been able to complete two of them. I appreciate all of you who still are here with me.

I'm afraid of what Paul might do. Are you?