Every Little Thing

by wolvesjr34

Part two of the Saints & Sinners Universe. Sequel to What If It's You? It's still a soapy, soapy world. Jane and Maura are navigating their life together in Launceston, and are drawn into their friend's drama. Established Rizzles. I do not own Maura and Jane and any other character from the show or books, original characters are all my own though!

25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five

Maura glanced sideways at Gabby, whose eyes were steadfastly fixed on the road. It was the morning after. The night before had not exactly gone as either of them may have expected and now the ride to the university campus, which Gabby had insisted on giving before heading home to change for work, wasn't exactly awkward, but it was silent. It was understandable. The emotional upheaval she had experienced had been intense and it had clearly been an awful night for Gabby as well. They had needed each other. They had been there for each other.

Maura nestled as far back into the seat as she could and closed her eyes. She had a minor hangover from the night before. She couldn't help but sift through what had happened. Gabby had been restless in her sleep, and she had needed to calm her own frayed nerves with a glass or three of wine. Looking back she realised how uncharacteristic it had been, for her to bring an entire bottle of wine and a glass to her bedroom with her. She had simply wanted to be close by if Gabby needed her.

Another glass of wine was poured and Maura set the now empty bottle on the bedside table. She stared unblinkingly at the wall as she took another long pull from the glass. How had things gotten so out of hand? When had all the relationships and people in her life begun to spiral out of control? It had to have started somewhere. The wine in her bottle had slowly emptied over the course of a couple of hours, and now she found herself downing the last dredges.

Maura had heard Gabby cry out twice and both times she had been able to put the women back to sleep without fully waking her. She had never seen her best friend like this before. Gabby was breaking and Maura wasn't sure she could hold her up on her own. Her own chest felt tight as she held back the maelstrom of emotions she routinely cut herself off from. It was second nature to her, burying everything she felt and assessing it from a purely clinical or logical viewpoint. It was second nature, but her shield was cracking and the emotions from her issues with Jane were leaking through unexpected fractures in her psyche.

Maura placed the empty glass next to the bottle and tried to will away thoughts of her fiancée. Or was that permanent ex-fiancée now? Ex-lover? Ex love of her life? No. That last one was never going to happen. Jane was unequivocally the love of her life and not even the mess she had made of it, could change that. It was Jane now and tomorrow, just as it always had been.

Why did you leave her in the first place then? Why did you leave Boston if she was still there?

Maura's inner voice had been ramping up for quite some time. It was louder than it had ever been in her adult life. Her inner monologues had only ever been this active, this present, as a child. She had been horribly neglected by her parents and their busy schedules. She had practically raised herself, being left on her own for almost as long as she could remember. She hadn't been overly social, choosing instead to spend her time locked away in the wonder of the written word. Books were safe. Books didn't mock her. Books didn't threaten her. Books weren't put off by her highly logical nature.

Eventually the tears stopped falling and the long nights of staring longingly at the stars had ground to a shuddering halt. She learned to place every ache and pain, every emotional scar and cut into their own little boxes. She locked those boxes behind the steel vault of her psyche. She embraced her logical nature and navigated further and further away from allowing her emotions to hold sway. She had become the Queen of the Dead and she was quite content with that.

Until Detective Jane Rizzoli had quite rambunctiously taken over her entire life. Where there was once order, there was now chaos. It had forced Maura to open her heart just a crack, and she had. She embraced the pleasant feelings that stemmed from having a best friend, even if she couldn't count on both hands the number of times in the day Jane would look at her funny. Maura decided feeling joy and happiness wasn't too bad at all, but she was more than prepared to compartmentalise if things changed, because change was inevitable.

She had been prepared, and then change had happened. She had discovered who her biological father was. He had even gone so far as to kidnap her. That alone was enough reason to consider the merits of staying in Boston, but once the media caught wind of the truth, it was untenable. Her integrity would be called into question and worst of all, she would be a potential target for his enemies. Jane, by association, could be a target. Maura couldn't stomach the thought of being responsible for that and so she had shoved everything down into their respective boxes and moved away. She needed to embrace logic, and she had, until she met Gabby.

Gabby's accident changed everything. Jane showed up in her life once more, a whirlwind of hair and bravado, while nursing a life altering secret. Jane was in love with her best friend and Maura, well Maura was stubborn. Clinging to what she had found in Launceston with Gabby. She had found love and acceptance and she was ready once again to open herself up to joy and happiness. Jane was the giant clumsy Saint Bernard bounding excitedly into the birthday cake, tainting the moment. The giant, clumsy Saint Bernard that had been so mortified by what it had done that it had run away from home. Maura had let her. The box with her feelings for Jane was tightly locked away, it had always needed to be. The fear of losing her made sure of that. Would it have changed their outcome if she hadn't been so careful to lock away her feelings? If she had taken the cow by the udders and simply followed her body's desire to kiss Jane the first time it had almost happened? Most certainly it would have, because Melissa wouldn't have had a chance to worm her way into Jane's heart.

Maura sighed. The mere thought of Jane's love for Melissa was enough to send sharp pains through her stomach. The vault filled with all her Jane associated feelings was malfunctioning and they were all flowing out, unbidden. She tried to force them back into their little boxes, but she couldn't. The locks were broken. She was flooded by what ifs and regret. She had never learned how to handle her negative feelings and now they were pressing against her like a scratchy shirt. The image of Jane's face the morning she had all but shoved her out of the house and into Melissa's arms was ever present, whether her eyes were open or shut. It had her questioning every single instance of her time with Jane.

Had she always treated her with such disregard? Had she always shut herself down and pushed Jane away when she felt threatened or scared? Is that why she truly left Boston? Jane was still picking up the pieces after Hoyt had left a trail of devastation in her life and she'd needed her then. She'd needed Maura to be there, and she had been. Until she wasn't. A best friend could only do so much. Jane needed a lover - a partner, to be there for her in ways that no one else could. Is that why she left Jane standing, holding the bag in Boston, while she flew half a world away to start a new life? Was the fear of losing Jane, should the next logical step in their relationship fail, the reason she hauled her gluteus maximus out of the United States so quickly? It was too late to ask that question. Far too late. Their eventual relationship did fail and Maura knew she was the one to blame. It was a harsh truth she had to accept, or she would never be able to become the woman that Jane needed in her life.

Maura swayed a bit as she stood and began walking towards the spare room to check on Gabby. She heard her best friend cry out in anguish and hastened her pace. Tears trickled down her face as slowly Gabby's pain started to become her own. The flood of feelings escaping Jane's vault inside her mind wrapped her in a violent storm that she was utterly unprepared for. She was three quarters of the way across the landing when she fell to her knees, an unholy wail escaping her lips.

Maura never heard the bedroom door open. Nor did she feel Gabby's arms as they wrapped around her. Maura didn't hear the matching sobs as Gabby buried her face in her hair, rocking them both back and forth as they both finally, finally, broke down. Maura cried because of the unfairness of it all. She cried from all of the guilt she felt and the horror she had seen in her life. All of it. It all came pouring out as she rocked back and forth, in strong, safe arms.

It was hard to say how long they had sat that way, locked together finding comfort when it was needed, their hearts breaking. Maura just knew that eventually they came back to their senses and it had felt jarring. It felt alien. They had always been a rock to one another during difficult times, but this was a level they had never shared. It was a little unsettling once she had her bearings again, to have been so vulnerable. She couldn't help the disgusted noise that escaped her lips when she realised how many tears stained her face and how much mucus had accumulated on both of their shirts.

Gabby chuckled and winced a little as she stretched out and climbed to her feet, offering a hand which Maura gladly took. They quickly walked over to the bathroom and without uttering a single word they both blew their noses, washed their faces and tossed their soiled tops into the laundry hamper, all in the dark. As they left the bathroom Gabby turned to return to the spare bedroom, but Maura reached out and took her by the hand. Gabby's eyes searched hers and Maura knew her friend understood the silent desperation in her own when she followed her into the master bedroom.

Maura knew this was wrong on so many levels, and she knew that Gabby knew it too, but what they shared was different than anything they had ever experienced with anyone else. They had always had a special relationship, rooted in a deep-seated trust and a strong safety net that promised unconditional loyalty. They weren't the loves of each other's lives, but they still held a special place inside of each other's hearts. They were best friends. Confidants. They were each other's lighthouse in the darkest parts of life, and now more than ever, they would need to burn brightly to allow the other to find their way home.

The moment Gabby closed the door behind them and turned back to face her, Maura launched herself into her arms and closed her eyes as she felt those strong arms wrap tightly around her once again. They were both still shaking from their shared breakdowns. Their lips met with a tender understanding and comfort that only an ex-lover and friend could provide. It was a way to cope. It was a way to forget and fully release the last vestiges of decades of hurt that had been buried and sealed off. The rest of their clothes soon followed. Their moans and sighs drowned out the occasional sob or cry.

They both knew this was a one time thing. This level of intimacy and care was not normally needed between the two of them, but it was at this moment. Maura was drifting in a sea of emotion and turmoil she had never successfully navigated alone, and from the way Gabby touched her, she innately knew it was the same for her best friend. Thoughts of Jane flashed through her mind with every tender touch and every more urgent primal one. Maura bit her lip to stop herself from crying out her ex-fiancées name several times. She may have been with Gabby that night in the flesh, but she was elsewhere in her heart and mind.

"I don't know who I am anymore." Gabby's quiet proclamation drew Maura back into the present.

Maura wasn't sure how to proceed. Nothing had really changed between them. Last night was a blip on the radar. They both knew that. They had acknowledged it over breakfast and decided never to speak of it again. That being said, she hadn't exactly expected her best friend to feel at all emotionally forthcoming, so she was found wanting in this moment. "You're Detective Gabby Wilson."

"That I am," Gabby agreed with a smile, her eyes remaining on the road ahead. "I mean inside, Maura. I could have hurt her badly."

A pang of guilt immediately shot through Maura's gut. Alexis. Fudge. She hadn't even given any thought to Gabby's girlfriend in all of this. Fudge. Things were not okay. Gabby already had an uphill battle to salvage her relationship, if she wanted to, which perhaps last night was evidence that she didn't, but that would just be a guess. Maura sighed and cursed Jane in her mind, blaming her for her own failure to recall pertinent information. She was now a hypocrite. She had made things infinitely more complicated for Gabby and it hurt her heart. "Gabby, I…"

"It takes two to tango, Maura. Don't you dare apologise. What happened between us happened because we both allowed it to. Us fucking, is the least of my worries when it comes to my relationship with Alex."

Maura fought her instinctual urge to chide Gabby for her use of coarse language, deciding given the circumstances it was probably warranted. Instead she tried to focus on the conversation at hand, because the fact Gabby was trying to talk about it was meaningful. "Do you want to salvage that relationship? Because last night, it wasn't her name falling from your lips."

Gabby sighed. "I'm sorry, I thought I kept that in my head."

"No need to apologise. I wasn't exactly thinking about you, either." Maura responded matter-of-factly.

"Didn't think you would be." Gabby said, a grim smile crossing her lips. "I essentially walked out of Missy's life last night."

"Oh." It suddenly made so much sense. Everything. From what Kelly had told her on the phone, to their own intimate moments the previous night. Somehow they had found their way back to a place reminiscent of where they had been three years ago. Separated from the loves of their lives. Gabby may have been trying to move on and honestly who could really blame the woman, but she still had to face the cold reality of the decision and clearly it wasn't something she was dealing with in a healthy manner. "So that's why it happened? The hurt built up and you converted it into anger, to protect your heart and Alexis didn't give you room to breathe?"

Gabby shook her head lightly, "It doesn't matter why it happened, Maura. It matters that it happened at all. I nearly threw my entire life away in a moment of anger. If that fist connected, she'd be gone and my job would be gone and I might even be in jail. I don't know who I am anymore, because that's not me. I've never raised a hand in anger at a woman, let alone actually swung it."

"Context matters, Gabby." Maura said softly, "Understanding the context can help ensure it never happens again. Did you finish your conversation with Melissa and then go straight back to Alexis?"

"Well yeah, I kind of had to because the way I left wasn't good. She overheard me admit to Kelly, of all people, that Missy is the love of my life."

"And that surprised her?" Maura was perplexed as she could tell from one meeting with the woman that Alexis was highly intelligent. It didn't take a genius to understand the depth of feeling in Gabby's heart for Melissa. It was an empirically proven fact and she highly doubted Gabby would have ever professed otherwise.

"Not at all. Doesn't mean it was something she wanted to be reminded of." Gabby said, casting her eyes briefly to the side to meet Maura's thoughtful gaze.

"Well in any case, she should have allowed you the space you required when you asked for it." Maura declared definitively.

"Are you guessing, Isles?" Gabby asked slyly, a smile curling her lips upwards.

"Not at all. Years of experience has provided ample evidence regarding your nature."

"I'm not the same woman she remembers Maura. I never had an anger problem in the past. Not to this level, anyway. She didn't realise the importance of stepping out when I asked for space. That was my mistake. I should have sat down with her at the beginning of this relationship and given her the pertinent warning signs of an impending explosion." Gabby sighed, pulling the vehicle up at the traffic lights because the light had changed to red. She rapped her fingers impatiently against the steering wheel. She looked tense. She shook her head and sighed heavily. "Ugh, that's such a cop out. She shouldn't have to manage my temper. That's my job. I really let her down, Maura."

Their eyes locked briefly and Maura could see quite plainly the shame burning brightly inside them. She wasn't wrong about who shouldered the responsibility, but part of managing a volcanic temper is having safety barriers in place. "While I'm sure she understands the importance of giving you space now, perhaps further discussion on the topic may be necessary."

"If she even forgives me." Gabby didn't look too confident, her shoulders were sagging and she was rubbing the back of her neck, presumably to release tension.

Maura knew from her years of experience as a medical examiner that the line Gabby had skirted the night before led down a very dark path. If her best friend allowed her deep-seated rage to get the better of her, then she would cease being the woman that she knew. While Gabby had always shown a certain propensity to use her fists, it had never been against a defenceless woman and most certainly not in an intimate relationship.

It was mentally disturbing when she took a moment to genuinely process the conversation she had shared with Kelly the night before and line it up with Gabby's attitude now. Kelly hadn't been sure of anything, she just knew that Gabby had broken a mirror with her fist and that Alexis was terrified. That was two mirrors in one weekend and an attack on Jane, not to mention Gabby had all but confirmed that she had nearly hit her girlfriend earlier in their conversation. All the evidence was there indicating her best friend was losing control, which was unsettling because Maura knew for certain Gabby wouldn't cope well if she took her anger any further than she already had. She would remove herself from the relationship and quite honestly, just looking at her friend as she stared up at the lights waiting for them to change, Maura feared she wouldn't be able to live with herself. So it was imperative that the line never came close to being crossed again.

"You should call that therapist I recommended Saturday night." Maura offered, well and truly aware that salvaging a relationship with Alexis would require more than just apologies and a promise to never act that way again. "It may go a long way towards making reconciliation possible."

Gabby sighed and briefly closed her eyes before opening them again and making eye contact with her friend. She ignored Maura's suggestion and quietly said, "I was in love with Alex when I was young, but it faded and it just hasn't ever compared to what I feel for Missy. They're forever entwined, Maura. I left Alex, for her. I'm not sure I can look at her and not be reminded of all the hurt…"

"Which makes you angry." Maura concluded.

"Yeah." Gabby nodded, putting the vehicle into gear and accelerating forward. "She deserves more than that. I think it was a mistake trying to rekindle the old flame."

"I think you should take some time to think about it and see how Alexis feels about all of this. As you've said, the point may be moot. She may not be willing to risk a repeat performance."

"If I were her I know that I certainly wouldn't. If I was anyone she knew, I'd kick my arse. I'd do everything in my power to keep me away from her." Gabby confirmed that she understood precisely the issue at hand. She was a danger to her girlfriend and everyone in the proverbial room knew it. "I was actually worried that I would be a danger to you too last night."

That thought had never crossed Maura's mind and now that it did she shook it off immediately. Gabby most certainly would be dangerous in the right set of circumstances with her current lack of self control, but not to her. Because she knew how to back off. She knew how to calm her friend and she also knew the last thing Gabby needed in this moment was to feel anything but trusted. She reached out with her hand and brought it to rest against Gabby's knee and squeezed softly. "I would never allow any situation to escalate between us to that point, so you needn't worry."

Gabby squeezed her hand and quietly said, "Until that therapist you suggested helps me process all of this, I will worry. Please use common sense around me from here on out. Place yourself between me and the exit of any room we're in. Don't trap yourself anywhere with me if I look even the least bit agitated. I couldn't… if I ever hurt you, Maura…"

Maura's heart was absolutely breaking under the weight of how afraid Gabby had become of herself. This inherently good, but troubled woman was petrified of losing control of her temper and her fists. It was nearly impossible for Maura to imagine this woman, who had used her hands in some very creative, but tender ways the night before, ever putting her hands on her in anger. It just wasn't fathomable. Still, she had to honour a very real and understandable fear. She had to respect reality, even if she had the utmost faith in her own ability to never let things escalate to that extreme between them. "I will remain vigilant."

"Thank you."

Gabby eased the vehicle to a stop in the University of Tasmania car park and switched off the engine. She turned to face Maura. "Are you okay? I mean, with everything that's going on it's been very much about me. I know you needed me last night, too. I'm sorry that I've not been there for you enough."

Maura's face lifted in absolute incredulity. They may not have exactly talked about anything and there was an absolute need for a conversation because she couldn't begin to process the state of her relationship with Jane without a meaningful one. However, Gabby had been far from absent. Flashes from the night before skittered through her mind. Being wrapped in strong arms while lips pressed against her skin in all the right places. Places that actually conveyed tenderness. Maura blinked away the memory and said, "You were there for me in your own way and I appreciate it."

Gabby looked solemn and she nodded slowly, as if she were getting her thoughts in order. Finally she said, "We can talk more tonight, if you're not busy."

Maura paused thoughtfully for a moment before nodding slowly. "I'd like that. I'll get a taxi so I can collect my car after work. Would you like to meet at your place or mine?"

Gabby rolled her head back and groaned. "Yeah, I forgot about that. Don't even say it. I know, I've literally driven you to work because of it and it still slipped my mind."

Maura chuckled politely. "It's not an issue."

"Give me your keys. I'll have Alec drive me out there at lunch and I'll pick it up and bring it back out here for you. He can follow me so I have a ride back into town."

"You really don't need to go to all that trouble."

"Maura, it's the least I can do." Gabby held her hand out, "Just let me do this one thing, please."

"Alright," Maura agreed, suddenly very cognisant of the fact she had left her hand on Gabby's knee the entire time. She quickly removed the offending appendage and retrieved the keys from her handbag. She passed them over. "I'll be having lunch myself between one and two. I'll wait in my office for you to return my keys. Thank you Gabby."

Gabby managed half a smile, relief flooding across her face. "I'll talk to you about dinner then. Let's just see where the day is going before we make any hard and fast decisions about who is doing what."

Maura nodded and stepped out of the vehicle. Before closing the door she looked back inside and smiled. "I'll see you at lunch, Detective."

---

Kelly had experienced a few sleepless nights in the past. She hadn't slept the night of her first college game, which had gone awfully. The ball flew back over her head several times before she was told to take a seat. Thankfully to this day that remains the worst game of her life, from there it had only been excellence. She'd received some fantastic advice from her father after the game and she had carried it with her ever since. She hadn't slept the night Melissa almost died by her hand either, but there weren't any wise words that could have prevented that. There's no sleeping while your wife's life hangs in the balance on the operating table. None at all.

Kelly closed her eyes and focused on her breathing while trying to push back thoughts of Melissa trying to bully their way front and centre in her mind. She'd spent the night staring at the ceiling, the dramas of the day taking it in turns haunting her. If she wasn't thinking about the look of adoration in Melissa's eyes when she was staring at Jane, she was thinking about the absolute terror in Alexis' eyes as she stared at Gabby. She'd tried to focus on the latter, because it was a lot easier to be thinking about a situation where she had done something good. It was also hard not to think about Alexis' situation because the woman was laid out half on the couch and half buried against her chest, snoring lightly, a warm puddle of drool pooling underneath her mouth.

It had been a long fucking day. Kelly exhaled slowly as she continued in her attempts to steady her mind. The sun was beginning to filter through the blinds and sooner or later Alexis would stir. Kelly hadn't had the heart to wake her after they had moved to the couch so she could provide comfort to the shaken, tearful woman. She had stroked Alexis' hair repeatedly while allowing her the relative safety of her arms as the woman's body shuddered from the force of her sobs. She didn't know exactly what had happened in that bathroom, but whatever it was, it was bad. Alexis had always been one of the most self assured women she had ever met. She was far from that now.

At some point Alexis' sobs died down and the rhythmic stroking of hair had continued long after light snores could be heard. Kelly would flash back to that awful night in Chicago and the only comfort she had was in maintaining the comfort she was giving Alexis. Then she'd see Gabby's face as they stared each other down before Maura took her away and she'd feel quite uncomfortable. Gabby had looked practically rabid. How the Hell Maura had managed to soothe her enough to get her out of the house remained a mystery. Kelly honestly thought she was about to be in a fight for her life.

What had her life amounted to at that moment? An Olympic medal, some world championships and a track record of falling for the wrong women. She was healthy. She was attractive. She was well and truly accomplished in her career, even if she did work at a bar during the off season. That was more because she enjoyed meeting people than anything else though. She had been responsible with her money. She had her house in Chicago. She had her share in the business her parents ran in Boston. She had all the accolades. She had everything the world told her mattered, but she'd yet to get the only thing she truly desired. The white picket fence, two kids, a dog and a wife whom she cherished. A wife that loved and respected her equally in return. Surely she wasn't asking for too much.

Her marriage hadn't exactly come about in the conventional way. It certainly circumvented her desire to get down on one knee and pop the question before she actually said 'I do', but it mattered. It was everything. The more time she had spent with Melissa getting to know her, the more she had genuinely fallen in love. She knew what Melissa said. She knew the woman was adamant they were just having a little fun, but she couldn't help herself. She couldn't help but think that maybe this was her chance to get what she truly desired. It had even looked like it was headed that way, before it so clearly wasn't. She couldn't even blame Melissa, not really. She'd warned her. She'd been up front. Still, Kelly couldn't help but hope.

She wasn't just going to give up because Melissa shut down and got cold. She wasn't just going to give up because Melissa chose to sleep with a few of their teammates, flaunting it in her face. Hell, she wasn't even going to give up after she had saved her wife's life and then Melissa had chosen to return to her ex-girlfriend. She couldn't. She was too invested. She had seen the best side of Melissa and that was beautiful, sweet, tender, loving, kind. It was everything she wanted in a woman. She just had to prove herself worthy. She flew halfway around the world for her wife and still, it didn't matter. She'd made the gravest of mistakes. She'd assumed Melissa was hers. That she just had to earn it. She was wrong. Melissa was never hers and she never would be. All it took to learn that lesson was to watch the adoration radiating from her wife as she stared at Jane. Some friend she'd turned out to be.

Kelly was dog tired. All she wanted was a few hours of shut eye before she hopped on a plane to return home, but her body refused to cooperate. Worse than that, she realised she had been ignoring the urgency her bladder had been feeling. She needed to pee badly, but she didn't want to disturb Alexis. The woman would be waking up to a new reality that may just reshape the trajectory of her life. As someone who understood that feeling all too well, albeit under different circumstances, she wanted her friend to squeeze every drop of peace she could from her dreams. Surely they had to be better than reality, because right now reality sucked so damn much, for the both of them.

Kelly closed her eyes once more, opening them briefly when she felt Alexis begin to stir, but then she stilled again. It wasn't quite time to wake up yet. Kelly bit her lip and tried to think about something other than her bladder and its urgent need to evacuate. She was shifting into dangerous territory, but it wasn't quite there yet. There was a little time left up her sleeve. Her mind drifted to the last World Championships, where Melissa had made her debut for the United States. She hadn't played in all of the games at the tournament, riding the pine for half of them, but when the Americans faced Australia in the quarter finals her wife had played the entire game and she had shined. It was a genius coaching move really, as the Australian pitcher was the same woman Melissa had hit out over the fence at the Australian Nationals a couple of years earlier. Kelly smirked at the memory. Melissa hit a three run home run propelling the United States into the semi finals.

Celebrations as a team were subdued that night because they had two more games to win, but Melissa had been extra feisty and hyped after the game and Kelly couldn't really blame her. It was a next level full circle moment. It had to have felt extremely satisfying. Tears welled in her eyes as Kelly continued to think about that night. Melissa had been physically insatiable, not even a hard fought international game had tired her out and Kelly, well she was up for all that entailed.

The sex that night had been mind blowing, but something that had usually been wild between them had become tender and sweet and she knew the way she touched Melissa was about so much more than fucking. It had been for a while but she had been able to ensure she didn't really change how she went about it. She kept it urgent and insatiable, the way it had always been. Until that night. That night she was slow and methodical, focusing her attention where she knew it was needed and she locked eyes with her wife while she came. It wasn't too long later that things changed and while Melissa told her it was all because of the day with the apple pie, Kelly suspected it was really that night that changed everything between them. That night she hadn't needed words to say 'I love you', she'd simply needed her touch and Melissa had arched her hips into every single one. She'd revelled in it. She'd loved it. And wasn't that the problem in the end? It gave her a false sense of hope and it scared the crap out of Melissa, forcing her to run. She should have let her go then. She should never have chased after her, but then again if she hadn't Melissa would likely be dead right now and that thought caused an ache to settle beneath her ribcage. Just because Melissa didn't love her, or didn't want to love her, or whatever the Hell it was that was going on with her, didn't mean that she didn't love Melissa. Because she did. So damn much.

The subtle movement of a dark head of hair followed by an unexpected knee positioned perfectly to cause the most awkward sensation snapped Kelly right out of her thoughts. "Do not move. Please, do not move." The pressure on her bladder was now unbearable thanks to the knee and Kelly felt panicked at the thought of what would happen if Alexis moved. She sucked in a deep breath, thankful that Alexis had frozen mid movement. She focused on her bladder and tried to ensure she was able to hold it in… it was genuinely touch and go. "Okay on the count of three, move quickly. One… two… three."

Kelly's face scrunched up in fear as Alexis quickly rolled away and made her way to her feet before stopping and staring at her with mild apprehension from across the room. "Have to pee. Real bad." She explained as she held her breath and rocked up onto her feet.

In what felt like the slowest, most awkward dash to the toilet she had ever managed, Kelly successfully avoided a urination disaster. The relief she felt when she safely made it to her destination was palpable. She let out a loud sigh and didn't even care that she hadn't managed to close the door the entire way. She had no doubt Alexis could hear the race-horse-like stream as it hit the water in the toilet bowl, but she didn't care. This level of discomfort was unusual to her. She wasn't the type to allow herself to get that far gone, but then again before this trip to Launceston she hadn't really thought she was the type of person to do a lot of things. The last three years had changed her in the most unexpected ways. She had to get back to who she was at the core and quit chasing the unattainable. She'd never find the happiness she sought if she clung to her romanticised ideas from the past. It was definitely time to go home, but first she needed to make sure Alexis was okay.

After quickly washing up, Kelly made her way back to the kitchen island and sat down. She watched Alexis at home fluttering around the kitchen whipping up a storm. "You don't have to do that, Lexi."

"It calms my nerves," Alexis responded matter-of-factly. "Cooking has always been a part of my DNA. Good times, bad times, I cook."

"As long as it's not on my account, by all means continue."

Alexis smiled weakly, but continued to work on breakfast. "Thank you for last night. I honestly don't know what I'd have done without you."

It took every bit of will power Kelly had not to ball her hands up into fists just thinking about it. The surge of righteous anger directed towards Gabby was nearly overwhelming, but she shook it off. The last thing Alexis needed in this situation was to be exposed to more violent tendencies. "Just glad I was here."

Aside from the sound of chopping and sizzling, silence descended upon the room for a couple of minutes. Alexis finally said, "She's never done anything like that before."

"Not to you," Kelly said tersely, not meaning for her frustration to come out. "But she already attacked Jane violently this weekend, threw Missy into a set of lockers, and she punched me the day I arrived. She's out of control, Lexi. Please be careful around her."

"Why did she attack Jane?" Alexis asked, completely ignoring the warning offered.

Kelly groaned and rubbed her forehead. She flashed back to the moment she walked into the locker room and saw Jane choking Gabby out. She flashed back to Gabby's warning. She had seen it coming. She warned them all and clearly she was deeply affected herself. Jealousy was a difficult beast to tame. "She saw Missy wrapped up in Jane's arms, the both of them confessing love for one another."

Alexis' entire body stilled and her head dropped, her eyes closed and she slowly exhaled. "Oh."

"She warned me. She told me there was something going on between those two and I just, I knew it. I saw it. I just…"

"Told yourself you were wrong. You wanted to see the best in your wife. You wanted to trust her."

"Yeah. Clearly a mistake."

Silence descended upon them once more.

Alexis slipped a plate with bacon, eggs, chorizo and mushrooms in front of Kelly. She handed over a set of cutlery and locked eyes with the American. "She threw Melissa into a set of lockers?"

Kelly sighed. This was a difficult conversation. She didn't want to be inserting herself into Alexis and Gabby's relationship, but somehow they were all interconnected and as much as she feared retribution from Gabby, she felt the truth was the only thing warranted in this situation, because she was worried. Really worried. "Missy said it wasn't intentional, but Lexi, you heard what she said about Missy. She's the love of her life and she did that to her. What could she do to you?"

"She didn't. She couldn't. She wouldn't." Alexis' words sounded sure, but her voice wavered.

"If she doesn't get help, she can and she will." Kelly said firmly. There was zero point and absolutely zero care to suggest otherwise. Alexis needed to understand the danger she was in. "Gabby is unstable, Lexi. That makes her dangerous. Jane had to choke her out to make her stop on Saturday. Just think about that for a minute. If she had hit you last night she may not have stopped and you sure as Hell wouldn't have been able to stop her. Lexi, please take this seriously."

"I pushed her buttons. She asked for space and I just kept hammering home my own jealousy. I won't make that mistake again. You don't have to worry about me, Kelly." Alexis said, sounding a little more confident once again. She reached out and squeezed Kelly's hand from across the island, "You're a good friend, thank you."

And you are not hearing a damn word I'm saying.

Kelly sighed, gave a half hearted hand squeeze back and turned her attention to her breakfast. There was no point hammering home her warning, Alexis wasn't ready to listen. She was too blinded by her love for Gabby. Kelly could only hope that the next time something happened it wasn't too violent and Alexis could walk away from the encounter and the relationship, because she had little to no doubt it would happen again.

---

"So, what do you think about it all?" Senior Constable Jacob Hillenbrandt asked, his eyes firmly planted on Jane as they sat in their patrol car in a blind spot on the East Tamar Highway.

Jane checked the readout on the speed gun before glancing sideways at her training officer. She had been surprised to find they were getting to go out and about when she rocked up to work, but it was the perfect opportunity to talk in private about his investigation. "I think there's too much smoke, for there not to be any fire. You were thorough and yet I now have so many more unanswered questions."

"Such as?"

"Such as, why on earth are you looking into the class of 2002 anyway?" Jane shot back at him, determined to gauge his reaction. She still had to figure out if he could be the asshole fucking with her and Melissa.

"Honestly I was just trying to get closure for Brian, or at least, let him know I cared enough to try. It's a little bigger than I anticipated though, which as I explained last night is problematic for me."

Jacob seemed to be genuinely open about his response, but it left her with more questions yet again. "Who's Brian?"

"My boyfriend. Justin was his brother."

Jane held the speed gun up for the latest round of traffic driving by, checked the readings and then turned back to her training officer. "I didn't realise you had a boyfriend."

He offered a sad smile. "I usually keep it close to my vest, but I sense you're trying to figure out where I fit in all this and whether or not you can trust me. Which is only fair considering I've been wary of you too, Rizzoli. So ask me anything. I'm an open book if it means you'll help me with this investigation."

Jane was fairly confident from his sexuality alone that he wasn't the asshole pulling her strings, but she couldn't exactly rule him out completely. "Are you gay or bi?"

"Gay. What about you, Rizzoli?"

Jane felt the question was a fair turnabout given they weren't exactly staying in safe friendly co worker conversational territory. She'd never really stopped to consider her sexuality. She'd simply accepted, eventually, that she had feelings for Maura. Did that mean she was a lesbian? Was she bisexual? She had dated many men over the years, even enjoyed their company, but it hadn't ever really felt right. Perhaps she simply wasn't made for men, but she couldn't say for sure one way or the other. All she absolutely knew was that the only two people she had ever given a genuine damn about, who she would go to Hell and back for, were women. "I follow my heart."

"I can respect that. Any other questions?"

"What were you doing Sunday afternoon and evening?"

Jacob smirked, "I'm not sure you want me to answer that."

Jane stared at him for a moment before the lightbulb went off. She blushed a little and shook her head. There wasn't a single indicator he was being deceitful, which allowed her to breathe a sigh of relief. "Brian's a lucky man."

Jacob chuckled a little, clearly appreciating her wit. Though his face quickly turned serious when he said, "Forgive me for prying on this one, Rizzoli but I'll explain myself in due time. I just need to know, how deeply do you care about Missy?"

Jane's eyes darkened and she studied him closely, she felt a wave of agitation roll through her body. She was nervous and wondering if she had been wrong to so quickly rule him out as a suspect. Why on earth did he care about her relationship with Missy? "I think you should explain yourself."

Jacob sighed, his fingers rapped nervously against the steering wheel. "Because I've held something back."

"So help me Jacob if you don't spit this shit out right now…"

Jacob pulled his phone out of his pocket, tapped at the screen several times then handed it over to her. "Take a look at that."

Jane pressed play on the recording and quickly recognised the location. She'd been there the night before, albeit in much harsher weather conditions. Her brow furrowed as she watched footage of vehicles driving along the road, stopping at the traffic lights and then exiting the frame. She glanced up at Jacob, confusion in her eyes. "What is this?"

"Just keep watching." He said quietly.

Jane felt an uncomfortable feeling creep along her spine because she didn't understand what she was looking at. She assumed based on the location it was the actual footage of Rachael's accident, but so far all she saw was traffic and people walking by. "Jacob…" she paused mid thought as her eyes honed in on the footage. She quickly rewound the video a little and played it again. She swallowed down the discomfort she felt as she shifted in her seat, her eyes remaining locked on the footage. She stayed that way for a solid twenty minutes, watching the same street, the traffic and the pedestrians. Twenty minutes and only then did she see Melissa hurrying out of the park with Rachael hot on her tail. It all happened pretty quickly from that moment, the kiss, Melissa's retreat, the SUV that slammed into Rachael, whose head hit the hood awkwardly before hitting the ground.

"Son of a bitch…" she murmured. The SUV had circled the block eight times in that twenty minute window. Eight fucking times. It didn't take a genius to realise that wasn't normal. There were several empty parking spots clearly visible, so the driver couldn't have been circling looking for parking. Jane shifted her gaze to Jacob and wondered if she looked as freaked out as she felt. "That wasn't an accident."

"No, it wasn't. Hence my question."

Yeah, she cared about Melissa. A fucking lot. She looked back down at the phone and rewound it to the moment Melissa turned to cross the road and froze it right there. Was she the target all along? Rachael's crossing was reactionary. There was no intent to cross the road until she saw the impending collision. Sweet Jesus. The first attempt on Melissa's life happened nine years ago. "Fuck," she muttered quietly, her brain rearranging all the information she had at lightning speed. "It's all connected."

"What is?" He asked, looking a little perplexed.

Jane rubbed the back of her neck and broke eye contact, looking out the windshield at the horizon. She thought she could trust Jacob. It was the only reason she had allowed herself to be in such a vulnerable position while getting a fresh read on him in the first place, but she had to be extra sure. She sought clarification on her earlier questioning. "Where exactly were you this weekend?"

Jacob didn't baulk at the request. He simply motioned towards his phone in her hand. "We actually went away to Cradle Mountain. Didn't get home 'til late, late Sunday night. You can look at the pics."

Jane quickly checked his photo album and found numerous pictures taken on what looked like a picturesque wilderness hike. She let out a breath she didn't realise she had been holding and nodded slowly before handing the phone back to its owner. "I'm going to tell you something now, but you have to swear on your life that you will not breathe a word to any living soul."

"You have my word, Rizzoli."

"You heard about the attack on Missy in Chicago right?"

Jacob nodded. "Yeah, it was kind of a big deal when it happened. Tassie girl making a name for herself getting attacked like that."

"He's here. The guy who did it. He's here. He threatened Missy late Sunday."

"Wait what?" Jacob shifted in his seat so that he was facing Jane. "And you thought it could be me?"

"You've got some pretty blue eyes there Jacob and that along with the guy being an Australian is all we have to go on. I wasn't taking chances. Because yeah, I do care about her, a fucking lot."

"Is she alright?"

His genuine compassion was not something Jane had been expecting, but she heard it in his voice, saw it in his eyes and just felt it in her gut. He oozed compassion and yet it still felt weird that this man she had thought to be the laziest cop was in fact a talented investigator that really gave a shit. It was refreshing to her jaded self. Still surprising, but refreshing nonetheless.

"She won't be alright until I catch the bastard and I think you may have just given me the missing link. Whoever this guy is, he's held a grudge for a very long time."

"I hate to say it, but you know she was cheating on Wilson at that time right?"

"Not this again." Jane shook her head. She understood the concern because everything tied back to Melissa, Gabby and Rachael, but there was no way in Hell Gabby would orchestrate something like that. She ignored the little voice in the back of her head reminding her of how out of control Gabby had been on Saturday. That version of the woman was a different beast altogether. What they needed was to find out more about the driver of the vehicle. As she knew from conversation with Melissa that the driver was never charged; it was deemed an accident. "We need to find the woman driving that SUV."

"Already found her."

The look on his face caused Jane's stomach to drop. "She's dead, isn't she?"

"Hit and run, actually."

"Seriously?"

Jacob nodded. "In Mildura in 2006, apparently."

"Who was she?"

"According to the report the name she gave was Leslie Nicholls. She had a New South Wales drivers licence and her registered address was in Parramatta. It was an alias. She never lived at the address."

"But you found her?" Jane was absolutely flabbergasted at all the work he had done. He had clearly been a man on a mission.

"Technically not me, I had a little help from a tech savvy friend. Turns out the woman's real name was Gina Bertans."

Jane's brow furrowed. It felt like there was a little something just out of reach in her brain begging to be recalled, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. "Where have I heard that name before?"

"Peter Bertans is her brother-in-law." Jacob watched her expectantly.

"Oh, right. I read about him in the paper. Bikie gang leader, responsible for more than half the drugs on the streets of Launceston. He skated on the charges brought against him. Chain of evidence issue, if I recall correctly. Damn, didn't he die a couple of years ago?"

Jacob nodded. "Hit and run."

Jane's eyes boggled almost comically. That couldn't be a coincidence, could it? What were the odds that Gina ran down Rachael and was then ran down herself a year later? Not to mention her brother-in-law succumbing to the same fate several years after that? She wasn't sure how or if Detective Dyson played into this, but it absolutely felt a given that the Chicago asshole could well be involved with what happened in 2005. "Did you find any links between Bertans and Melissa? Or Rachael?"

"Not yet. I was going to follow up with the detectives assigned to the bust that went sideways, but Detective Van Den Bosch won't return my calls."

"What about the other guy? You said detectives - plural."

Jacob's eyes lit up, but his features darkened. "Dyson was the other detective on the case."

Bingo! Jane felt like she could see the picture forming, but she couldn't quite connect the dots. She needed to draw it out. "It really all could be connected. Dyson. Taylor. The attack in Chicago. Jesus."

"Jane…" Jacob paused, his face looking like it was deciding if her christian name rolled off his tongue right, before continuing. "You said he threatened Missy on Sunday? If she was the target, why is she still alive?"

It was a brilliant question. The more she talked to Jacob the more she liked him. The more she felt like she had an equal to bounce ideas off of, whom she believed she could trust. Someone equally as motivated to get to the truth of the situation. "I don't know. We need a motive. I can only speculate."

"Justin witnessed the sexual assault. He backed Liam's story, because Liam was the alpha male of the class. After Rachael died the guilt got to him and he confessed to Brian. It wasn't long after that, maybe a few weeks, that he went missing." Jacob sighed heavily and his shoulders dropped. He looked exhausted. "Brian's still holding out hope that maybe one day Justin will be found alive, but you and I both know that's not likely."

Jane felt for Jacob in that moment, she really did. She also really saw him for the first time. This was a man in his mid twenties, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had the pressures of being a gay cop, with a staunch, traditional, by the book, high ranking father and a boyfriend with a brother missing for nine years. He was running an off-book investigation and getting pushback from his father who wanted to let sleeping dogs lie. She didn't envy him one bit, but she admired him for it. "How long have you been looking into all of this?"

He looked at his hand and counted off several fingers. "Three years, give or take. It's been a hard slog. Trying to sift through what is and isn't relevant. I only got my hands on that video recently. Taylor's file is sealed. I don't know why, but it hasn't helped. "

"That video is your key. We need to talk to Walton's family. We need to determine if he knew anything of the sexual assault, because that's the one thing that might help us connect all the dots. I'm just not quite sure how, yet, but I feel it in my gut Jacob."

It felt good to be making progress, to actually have a starting point. She was making a huge assumption about the link between 2005 and Chicago, but in what reality would someone as kind and conscientious as Melissa stir up the homicidal tendencies of multiple individuals? That felt less feasible than a link, so based on that assumption she was now a lot closer to figuring this out. It was only going to take some genuine grunt work at this point, because Jacob was like an angel sent to deliver her from evil. She needed to build a timeline and a suspect pool, which at this point would start with everyone who had been at the academy for the 2002 class. That included Gabby, as much as it pained her. There could be more than one person involved and Gabby clearly had a dangerous temper. It would be foolish not to consider all the possibilities, no matter how uncomfortable they were.

Jane banged her head against the headrest a couple of times. Her hands balled up into fists and she punched her knee in frustration. She couldn't ever catch a break. To protect Melissa and Maura both, she was going to have to upset the apple cart. It wouldn't stop her, but damn if it didn't suck. "We've got work to do."

Right then a vehicle went flying by and it was apparent they were speeding. Jane got the gun up and clocked the speed. "Twenty over, let's get 'em."

Jacob settled back into his seat and pulled out onto the highway in pursuit. His jaw tightened with determination. "Let's get 'em all."

---

July, 2002
Rokeby, Tasmania

"Can we talk?"

Alec glanced over Rachael's shoulder and noted the distinct absence of Gabby, who had become somewhat of a watchdog since the nasty business a couple of weekends ago. He stepped aside and motioned for her to enter his room, surprised that she was comfortable being alone with him, or any man for that matter. "Of course. What's going on?"

"Gabby fell asleep, all the art of the interview research. That and her refusal to sleep until she's sure I'm asleep. She's exhausted."

"You didn't want to be alone?" Alec asked, not exactly sure where her head was at.

Rachael sighed and shook her head slightly. "I just needed a moment to breathe. She's just worried, and I get it. I'd have probably done more than stare Liam down with a dirty look, if he'd touched her like that."

He watched his friend as she looked around the dormitory room and finally decided to sit on the end of his immaculately made bed. "How are you dealing with all that? Gabby called me with some quite colourful language about the brass last night."

Rachael shrugged. "He was always going to get away with it, Alec. He was there with his friends, I was alone. It was he and his friends contradicting what I said and as much as we want this place to be hip to the times, it isn't."

Alec's hand curled into a fist at his side just thinking about it. Liam O'Connell was an absolute piece of shit. "When he returns from wherever the Hell he's gotten to…"

"What's done, is done Alec. It could have been a lot worse. Let it go."

There was a surprising softness to her voice and it had an immediate impact. His hand relaxed and he smiled genuinely, a warmth blooming in his chest. "I'm just really sorry for the way things turned out."

"Me too, Alec. Me too." She patted down on the space beside her and said, "Sit down, I won't bite."

He wrung his hands nervously, well and truly aware he had never been subtle about his affections. He'd always been respectful of course and he hadn't ever had the courage to say anything, they were colleagues after all and romance between recruits was frowned upon. They were both very serious about the job they were training for, it was partly what made Rachael so attractive to him. He was also apprehensive about making her feel uncomfortable now that she had experienced first hand what it was like to be violated by a man and subsequently the organisation she was willing to risk her life for.

"Uh, right, yeah. Sure." He sat down next to her, but left what space he could between them. He wasn't exactly sure what she was looking for, perhaps it was just to feel safe around a man. If that was what she was looking for, she would absolutely find it with him. He wouldn't ever do anything to make her feel uncomfortable if he could avoid it.

"You don't have to treat me with kid gloves, you know. It's a little infuriating. Something awful happened to me. It doesn't need to define me. Between you and Gabby, you would think I contracted a terminal disease or something because of it. I'm fine Alec. I've processed it. I've learned a valuable lesson and it could have been so much worse. So, just stop it, would ya?"

"I'm not meaning to be anything more than respectful, Rachael. I apologise if my behaviour has changed in a way you deem to be anything other than that."

Rachael made a scoffing noise before making a point to quite obviously place her hand on his knee. He wasn't expecting this and while he'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't want it, it still made him uncomfortable. "You've become too respectful, Morris. I could have sworn you were into me before all of this and now I feel like tainted goods."

She squeezed his knee and it suddenly occurred to him that she was looking to take control back. That she was more affected than she realised by what had happened, because as much as he had flirted with her in the past and as much as she may have flirted back sometimes, it had always been playful. There'd never been any real intent to follow through, that he was aware of anyway. Now he was requiring a lot of mental power to control his body, because she wasn't wrong. He was very much 'into her' and her touch.

He coughed to clear his throat and stared directly ahead, while quietly acknowledging, "I'm very much into you, Taylor. You know that and if you keep rubbing my knee like that you'll…" her hand slipped a little higher, caressing his thigh causing Alec to bite down on his lip. "Be more than aware," he finished quietly.

"Did you want me to stop?"

Yes. No. Fuck.

He sighed and turned to look at her, searching her eyes to be sure this was absolutely what she wanted. Her gaze quickly sought out a spot across the room. He felt movement in his pants and sighed, it was plainly obvious his body's answer. He attempted to play it off by making light of the truth, "Well clearly part of me is into it."

Rachael flicked her attention back to him without saying a word. She removed her hand and placed it firmly in her own lap. "Just because your body responds, doesn't mean your brain wants it, Alec."

Ahh. Yeah. Okay. Things really were making sense. He wasn't exactly sure if she did or didn't want something to happen, so he wasn't going to press the subject. Instead pivoting to the thinly veiled truth behind her comment. "Just because that arsehole knew how to make your body respond, doesn't mean you wanted it either, Rache. I know you logically understand that, otherwise you wouldn't have said what you just did. But do you understand it emotionally?"

"I feel like my body betrayed me." She said quietly, her eyes averting once more to a spot across the room.

He had no idea what she found so fascinating about the paint job, but imagined it was less to do with the paint job and more to do with feeling uncomfortable despite being the one guiding the conversation. "Don't. Your body was just doing what it's built to do. You had no control over that, just as I don't have any control over this," he finished lightly, pointing awkwardly at the tent he'd pitched in his pants. "I fortunately get to experience it in a more awkward fashion, rather than a violating one. For that I truly wish we could change places."

"You really do, don't you?"

"Yeah," he said solemnly. He'd have done anything to ease her burden, if it was possible.

There were several long moments of silence before Rachael quietly said, "It doesn't have to be awkward. Just tell me you want this and that it's not purely a physiological reaction."

It saddened him that she had reached this place of feeling like she had to ask him of all people for his consent, but perhaps that was half the problem with society and his gender in general. Just not taking the notion of consent seriously enough. How did it hurt to ask the question at least once, if not multiple times during a potential sexual encounter? Given what she had experienced it made more sense than it should. So he took her question seriously. He considered the circumstances, he considered his body's reaction and he considered how much he yearned to protect her, to provide for her, to be a real man for her and he nodded slowly. As long as she was in control, he desperately wanted what he could get. "As long as it's what you genuinely want, then trust me, you have my consent."

For the first time that night when their eyes locked she didn't avert her gaze. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"We could get kicked out if we get caught. Are you sure you want to take that chance, given everything?" Alec asked, wanting to be very clear about the risks they were taking.

Rachael's answer was a simple one. She straddled his lap, ran her hands through his hair and gazed into his eyes. "If I've learned anything, Alec, it's that life can change in an instant. I think we could really have something here and I'm done denying myself that because of the rules."

Staring back into her brown eyes, Alec felt himself lost to the moment. He cared a lot about his future career, but he cared more about Rachael. He could see his future shimmering in her eyes. They simply just had to make it through training without being found out and after that it would be workable. He tightened his grip on her waist and said, "Don't tell Gabby. Don't tell anyone."

Rachael nodded softly, leaned in for a kiss and whispered, "Agreed."

---

November, 2014
Launceston, Tasmania

"Are you going to tell me what's going on, or do I have to pry it from you?" Alec asked as he pulled the unmarked Ford up behind Maura's vehicle. "Why do you need to collect Maura's car from your girlfriend's street?"

Gabby sighed. Of course the detective had questions. Her broody mood had no doubt only fed the flames of his curiosity. Somewhere along the line her partner and friend had become the voice of reason in her life and she didn't want to disappoint him. He had always been the sweetest, most honourable man and there were lines you didn't cross in relationships and life and she had pretty much crossed all of them at this point. If it weren't for loyalty being his strongest trait she would have thought more than twice about opening up to him, but if anyone was going to get her head on straight it was him. "A lot went down last night."

"Clearly."

Gabby unclipped her seatbelt and shifted in the seat to face him, "Things have been a little out of hand lately, as you know, with the uh… women, in my life. God, Alec… I don't even know how to voice what happened, or rather, what almost happened." The more she spoke, the more she became truly aware of everything that had happened the day before. It would take hours to truly unpack it. With a sad shake of her head she decided to be brief and to the point. "Walked out of Missy's life. Alex badgered me while I was processing and I lost my temper. I almost hit her."

"You what?" Alec's surprised tone was followed by what could only be assumed to be an unhappy furrowing of his brow. "Almost?" He clarified.

"Almost. Maura came to get me and took me away from an inflammatory situation."

He nodded his head slowly, before turning and staring off out the front of the vehicle. She couldn't tell what he was thinking, but his body language indicated a certain level of disappointment. "You don't have to say it, I know it's not acceptable behaviour…"

"That's one way to put it," he said with a clipped tone.

Gabby shifted uncomfortably in her seat, because there was more to the night before and she wasn't the sort to gossip and this definitely wasn't something she wanted getting out there, but she trusted Alec with her life. She could trust him with the truth. "I slept with Maura last night."

Gabby had never seen his head snap to attention so fast. His blue eyes sparkled with interest and he raised an eyebrow in what felt like surprise, but it could have been a challenge. Because she certainly hadn't been acting like an adult. She had nearly assaulted her girlfriend, who was subsequently rightly terrified and her response was to go home with Maura and do many unspeakable things that neither of them were proud of. She shook her head. She felt like that's all she had been doing all morning. "I know, I know… it's fucked up. It's messy and God, if Jane ever finds out…"

"She won't hear it from me."

"I wouldn't have said anything if I thought you would."

"So why did you say something?"

"I'm just painting you a solid picture of how monumentally screwed I am, after last night." He smirked a little and Gabby knew he was biting his tongue. She had most certainly left the door open for many a smart arse retort, but much to his credit he kept his wit to himself. "I need help, Alec."

"Seems to me like you found some."

Gabby let out a brief sigh, all the while absently picking at her thumbnail. "No. Last night was not the answer, Alec. It was stupid. She should never have taken me back to her place. Not with how out of control I was. It was reckless and dangerous."

"So you got pissed off. So what? Sure, I didn't like hearing you tell me that. Nobody should be laying their hands on their woman, at all, but you didn't do that. You said yourself, almost. Almost, is a big deal, but it's also nothing. I don't care how angry you were, Gabby. You wouldn't have hit her. You most certainly wouldn't have hit Maura. No, she means too much to you."

Gabby appreciated his faith in her, but she didn't share his view at all. Just sitting in the car outside of the house had her feeling on edge. "I threw my fist, Alec. I don't even recall doing it. I just stopped right before I connected. That's not healthy, mate. It's not even fucking close to it. Alex is never going to trust me again. She was my one hope of finding something real in this fucking shithole of life and i blew it."

Alec studied her for a long minute and looked to be putting genuine thought into the situation. Finally he said, "But is she your only option?"

Gabby frowned. She knew he wasn't making a pass at her, that was never something that had ever been remotely on the table. Surely he couldn't actually be advocating she patch things back up with Melissa. "I'm pretty sure Missy's in love with Jane, or the ghost she reminds her of anyway."

Alec's face fell and he looked away for a moment, causing Gabby to mentally kick herself. "I'm sorry," she hurried to try and smooth things over. "I'm not trying to trivialise her. I know you loved her. It's just the unfortunate truth. Missy's never gotten over her. I'm pretty sure she's been in love with her this whole time."

"It's alright," he said quietly, turning back to meet her worried gaze, "It's been nine years. I'm a big boy, Wilson. She chose Missy, and that's that."

"Perhaps it would have been different if she'd known how you felt." Gabby knew deep down that her words were as hollow as they sounded, they both knew that nothing would have changed fate. Rachael sacrificed her life for Melissa. That was next level devotion.

Alec rolled his neck and then shrugged it off. "Unfortunately, we'll never know. However, I wasn't talking about Missy."

It took a long moment but then it finally dawned on her. She couldn't help the way her eyebrows shot up without her permission. "You mean Maura?"

"Yeah. Think about it Gabby. You've never been as happy as you were with her. She's probably the most important person in your life right now and I hate to tell you this, but you don't cheat without a reason. You're not built that way."

"Firstly, that relationship was brief and over before it started because Maura has always and will always be in love with Jane. Secondly, it's real sweet of you to have such faith in me, but I'm telling you right now, I'm a fuckin' arsehole. I slept with Maura to comfort her because she needed something familiar and safe and I knew it would feel good. I shouldn't have done it. I took advantage of her situation and now she's got to deal with the fall out."

"Bullshit." Alec declared confidently. "I call bullshit, Wilson. You were in an open relationship for a few months this year, and I don't recall hearing of any conquest."

Gabby opened her mouth to make a rebuttal but quickly closed it when she realised he had a point. Instead she simply chose to glare at him, simultaneously annoyed and confused.

"Because you were committed and look I commend you, I fuckin' commend you for it. Missy missed out. Whether she's still in love with Rachael or in love with Jane or Kelly or the fuckin' man on the moon, she missed out. She never understood the level of love, loyalty and respect you afforded her and in my mind there is only one woman who ever has and it sure ain't the woman livin' in that house." Alec motioned beyond her to Alexis' house. "She never understood you. You forget that it was my room you took those calls in? I heard the way you were on those calls. She doesn't respect the job. So she can't ever respect you. Whatever you had with Alex is long gone, Gabby. It died the moment you signed up to be a cop and you know it."

Talk about a punch to the gut. Gabby didn't know what to say. He usually listened and regurgitated bland 'it's your life, your decision, whatever makes you happy' kind of responses. This was an entirely different level and he was quite passionate about it. She couldn't help but contemplate his words. He was definitely right about one thing, the relationship she had with Alexis the first time around had died the day she signed up to be a cop. It had snuck up on her of course, but the final death knell really was the moment she chose to put her career first. "Well fuck," she muttered under her breath.

"Look, anybody who knows you, knows that loving Missy has broken you down." He held his hands up defensively when Gabby's chest puffed out ready to fight. "I'm not having a go at Missy, Gabs. I'm telling you facts. Your loyalty has broken you down and Alex would have to be blind if she couldn't see that. You gave her an opportunity and she swooped on it, and what… pushed your buttons? Meanwhile you're ready to go nuclear and Maura comes along and cools you down enough to get you out of that house without anyone getting hurt. I bet you didn't even fuck angry, did you?"

Gabby did a double take. "What?"

"You and Maura last night. You knew it would feel good. But you were angry right? Angry enough to throw a punch at your girlfriend and yet, what? Did you fuck her into oblivion or…"

"What the Hell Alec?" Gabby snapped, "What the Hell does this have to do with anything?"

"You don't have to answer me. I already know. You set aside your raw emotion and your needs and you comforted that woman with tenderness and affection. You didn't just fuck her, Wilson. You know it. I know it and whether you like it or not, she's probably gonna figure that part out too. You might wanna think about that and what you really want before she does. Because the way I see it, now is your one chance to take your happiness back. Jane and Missy are doing their thing and Maura is all alone."

Gabby had no words. There were none at this moment. The first time he ever chose to truly stick his nose in had to be this time. Worst of all, he was making way too much sense and it really disturbed her to realise how well he knew her. Of course she could have just been fast and furious with the way she touched Maura last night and Maura would have lapped it up, she wasn't even thinking about her afterall. But no, he was right. It had been more than that and while there had been a certain level of pure fucking, there had been a lot more of the nuanced touch. A lot more of using her intimate knowledge of her best friend to provide her with the comfort and affection he had called her out on and now her mind was stuck on a loop just thinking about it. A lot of their fucking had been more akin to their previous lovemaking.

"Well shit."

"Yeah," he said knowingly. "Your happiness has been right under your nose this entire time."

"You're insane."

"Oh I absolutely am," he deadpanned. "Doesn't mean I'm wrong."

Gabby sighed and shook her head. It was swimming with confusing thoughts but they didn't matter. She had danced this dance before. Twice, apparently, given everything going on with Melissa. Women whose hearts belonged to another just weren't the answer and it may have taken a couple of times to stick, but the lesson had been learned. "Look, I get it. You mean well and Maura's a fuckin' catch, ain't no doubt about it. But she ain't my catch. She's my person, but she isn't my person and I'm definitely not her person. My heart is actually breaking for her right now, losing Jane to Missy. God, I fuckin' know how this goes, Alec. I can't make her happy even if I wanted to."

"Why are you so defeatist? What the Hell does Jane have that you don't Gabs?"

"The love of my life?" Gabby spat out sarcastically. It was hard to resist, because it was the truth.

Alec simply hummed, causing her to look at him questioningly. "What?"

He shrugged. "Why are you so set on Missy being the love of your life? You had a relationship in your early twenties that was going to fail. She was cheating on you with your best friend, Gabs. Your best, fuckin', friend. You ended it because you knew. You saw the way they were lookin' at each other on that video. Yet you still hung around leadin' her on, not allowing yourself to move on. Of course she's the love of your life right now, because you haven't allowed yourself to consider the possibility that she isn't and never was. You haven't even tried to really love anyone else…"

"I loved Alex before her and I loved Maura after her, so yeah. You're wrong. Before or after, it's still her. So just let it go." Gabby opened the passenger door and started to step out of the vehicle. "Just follow me out to the university would ya?"

"Just think about it, Gabby."

"No Alec, I won't. I need to talk to Alex and try to move forward there."

"Of course you do." Alec said curtly, "Because you don't mind hurting her. Her heart is fair game because she doesn't have it in her to love you the way Maura does and that is what scares you. That's why you've returned to a woman that brings out the worst in you." He turned the keys and started the ignition, "You know I'm right."

"Shut up Alec." Gabby slammed the car door and huffed her way over to Maura's vehicle, refusing to pay any attention to the words that rang loudly in her ears. Clearly he should just stick to listening, because his advice sucked.

---

The end of the day hadn't come soon enough for Jane. She was itching to go home and draw up an investigation board. She had every intention of stopping at K-Mart to see what she could find in the way of a moderate sized board she could use. She wasn't looking forward to the conversation she was going to have with Melissa on the subject either, because while she had learned a lot in the past twenty four hours thanks to Jacob, the hard part was yet to come. She would need to keep Melissa from falling over a cliff into horrible, horrible despair the moment she realised the accidental death of Rachael was potentially as a result of a targeted attack meant for her. Jane had no doubt it would absolutely gut her girlfriend. Girlfriend. The day before had been a whirlwind of emotion, culminating in a decision she hadn't seen coming at all, and yet it felt like it was ultimately the best decision for them both. They needed each other.

The spark between them may have dimmed over the years, overshadowed by everything else they had going on in their lives, but it had never been extinguished and now the flame was roaring once more. It felt great to be needed and loved unconditionally. As long as she didn't stop to think about Maura and the emotional wreckage left in her wake. Wreckage that she would need to navigate if she was going to move forward safely. It was imperative not just for her own sake but for Melissa's too. The woman had been through so damn much, she needed something concrete to hold onto. Jane knew she was all she had left and she would fight tooth and nail to help Melissa process the nearly immeasurable amount of grief she was wading through. They both needed stability and if there had been one constant in their lives during the past three years it was that they could count on each other.

"Give me a couple of hours to talk to Missy, then I think you should join us for a chat. Missy may be able to provide some much needed insight." Jane explained to Jacob as they walked side by side out of the station into the parking garage, headed for their respective vehicles.

"Just let me know if plans change, otherwise I'll see you both at eight."

Jane turned and offered him a tired smile before wincing from a nudge of his elbow. He nodded his head off to the side and she followed his gaze. Her body bristled with what felt like an awful combination of anger and suspicion. Gabby and Alec were approaching on their way back from God knows where. Jane planted a fake smile on her face and offered a nod of acknowledgement to the detectives. Gabby was in her bad books for a multitude of reasons. Throwing Melissa into the lockers and crushing what was left of her spirit by walking out of her life being the most pertinent two. That conversation as she had held Melissa in her arms before they fell asleep last night had not been an easy one. Alec was one of her top suspects. He was a blue eyed cop with experience in forensics and a has close relationship with one of the women in the middle of the vortex of doom. Who knew how close he was to Rachael? She made a mental note to see if Melissa knew anything about that when she got home.

As the detectives came to a halt in front of them, Jane followed Jacob's lead and straightened her body out to its full height. She was standing almost nose to nose with Gabby and Jacob with Alec. To an outsider they probably looked like a couple of wrestling tag teams ready to throw down, which would have made absolutely no sense given they were all supposed to be on the same side. "Wilson, Morris." She acknowledged.

"Rizzoli." Alec remarked, his voice sounding pleasant enough, but in Jane's mind she just felt an arrogance ooze from him. She was probably projecting because she hadn't ruled him out as a suspect yet, so she tried to cool her nerves.

"Jane," Gabby acknowledged, before being the first to avert her gaze during their mini staredown.

Jane's brows furrowed in thought. Gabby had never backed down before when they had stared each other down. What in the Hell was going on that had her acting so submissive?

"Shame you've been saddled with the runt of the litter," Alex snarled in the midst of an actual staring contest. He clearly had an issue with Jacob.

To be fair, before today she'd had plenty of issues with him too, but now she understood him. He was actually really good at flying under the radar by being viewed as a lazy fool riding his father's coat tails. It was the perfect cover for a secret investigation. However, as much as she understood Alec may have good reason, she wasn't going to allow him to speak about her partner that way. "Show some respect, Morris."

Alec turned his head and looked directly into her eyes and said, "Respect is earned, Rizzoli. You should know that. Even Daddy's ashamed of his little runt."

Jane could feel Jacob's body coil like he was about to strike, so she immediately stepped in front of him and went nose to nose with Alec. Her lip snarled as she glanced over at Gabby and said, "Put your Chihuahua on a leash Gabs, or he might get punted."

Gabby had clearly seen enough. She grabbed Alec by the arm and shoved him off to the side and around them. Jane watched as she kept nudging him away from the altercation. Satisfied that it was over she looked back at Jacob and said, "Don't let him goad you into a reaction. He's just an arrogant asshole."

"Those two are thick as thieves." Jacob replied, "He's always aggressively ready to defend Wilson in any situation."

Jane simply noted what Jacob had to say as she walked him to his car. After he had gotten in and rolled down the passenger window, she leaned down and said, "I'll see you tonight, right?"

"Affirmative."

Jane watched him drive off before making her way deeper into the parking garage to locate her vehicle. She had only just reached it when she heard hurried footsteps. She turned and watched Gabby as she approached with a grim look on her face.

"What the Hell is your problem Jane?" Gabby questioned angrily. "Alec has done nothing but go out of his way to help you and you dare speak to him like that?"

"Excuse me? Are we talking about the same guy here? Cause all he did was a favour for you and I was out on my ass unable to help solve the murder of a cop before either of us knew it." Jane spat back, not in the mood to play games. "He stepped to my partner so I had his back."

"Your partner is an antagonistic prick who leeches off of those around him."

Jane bit her tongue because her instinct was to launch a vitriolic verbal barrage. That wouldn't help the situation at hand, which was that she had to investigate Alec and Gabby both. She had to rule them out of contention for psychopath of the year. So Jane swallowed down the retort that popped into her mind. Despite all of the rapid fire thoughts firing off in her brain holding back her tongue, the rest of her body indicated a preparedness for a fight. She ground her molars together and flexed her hands repeatedly at her side while her eyes remained firmly planted on the pissed off detective.

Gabby's eyes appeared to assess the situation and the detective took in several deep breaths and exhaled them before quietly saying, "This is stupid Jane. We should be working together to catch the arsehole fucking with you and Missy."

"Oh that's rich," Jane retorted, unable to bite her tongue on this one. The urge to take care of Melissa was all friggin' encompassing. "My understanding is you washed your hands of her just when she needed you most. Real cool Gabs. Real fuckin' cool."

"Christ Jane, she needs to let the past go and I'm just a giant flashing sign reminding her of it. It's the last thing I want. It's fuckin' killin' me to have done that." Gabby hissed, shaking her head while walking away, only to walk back and glare at Jane. "I was getting out of the damn way. She needed a fresh start. She needed a reason to just chase what'll make her happy." She pressed her finger into Jane's sternum, "So don't you dare come at me like that when we both damn well know you're who she needs right now."

Jane's mouth opened ready to spit out an indignant reply, but her brain caught up with what was being said and she clamped it shut. Gabby was fired up but it was quite apparent in her eyes how heartbroken she actually was by the entire situation. Jane took a step back and let out a deep breath. The constant cycle of antagonism between them wasn't helping her ability to think clearly about Gabby at all. The woman had her anger issues, but she very obviously cared about Melissa. She wouldn't ever willingly want to harm Melissa. She might inadvertently do some damage in a fit of rage but the thought of any sort of premeditation really felt obscenely wrong. It didn't change that she was at the centre of it all though and the only way Jane could really assuage Jacob's concerns about Gabby and figure out precisely how she fit into the puzzle would be to bring her into the fold.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'm still a bit riled up from the way you flung Missy into the lockers on Saturday."

Gabby rubbed her face and gently shook her head. "That was… Christ." She turned away and looked across the parking garage before finally looking back at Jane, who was waiting quietly for her to continue. "You have no idea how ashamed I am of that and attacking you like I did. I lost myself."

Jane jammed her hands in her pockets and looked down at her feet for a moment, because reality turned out to be pretty close to the fiction Gabby had imagined that particular afternoon. She let out a long drawn out sigh and said, "I get it, you know. You love her and you felt threatened. I don't condone what you did at all, but I understand why you wanted to rip my head off. Between that and the fact you are a damn good friend to Maura, I get it. But I swear to God, if you ever lay another hand on her like that again…"

"I'll deserve what you do to me." Gabby finished with emphasis. "I'm glad she has you, Jane. She needs someone who will go to war for her."

The two cops just stood there staring at one another for several moments. Silence building between them as their words took time to digest and settle.

"Look, I know it's a lot to ask, but I need you to come around for dinner. There's a lot we have to talk about." Jane felt a rising surge of guilt in her gut as she stood there inviting Gabby over, knowing all too well that she wanted space for a valid reason. Not to mention the rekindling of her relationship with Melissa. Jane wasn't sure how Gabby would take that news at all, but she deserved to know. "You should know that Missy and I have decided to stop fighting our feelings for one another. We're back together." Jane half expected Gabby to tackle her there and then, but the detective simply stood there, unblinkingly.

"Just promise me you're in this with her, Jane. You can't half arse this like you did with Maura. You need to be all in."

Moments like this were when Jane remembered exactly why Gabby got on her nerves. They were too similar. Gabby's tenacity when it came to defending those she cared about often left them at loggerheads because they were both tenacious and both prone to boneheaded dumb mistakes, despite having the best intentions. Jane didn't exactly like having Gabby accuse her of not being all in with Maura, but then reality was painting a very clear picture. It was barely three days after being dumped and she was in something with Melissa that she intended to take very seriously. Gabby probably had a point. "We could debate my relationship with Maura until the cows come home, but it won't change the fact that Missy has always mattered to me. I'm absolutely in this with her."

Gabby appeared apprehensive at first but she finally nodded and gently slapped Jane on the back of the shoulder as a sign of respect and acknowledgement of the situation. "Alright. I'll join you guys for dinner, but this doesn't change my decision to stay out of her life. This is a one time deal."

Jane's lips drew back in a grim smile, because she didn't have time to worry about the intricacies of Gabby and Missy's on again off again friendship. She had a psychopathic asshole to identify. "Understood."

---

A/N: So yeah I've been gone a while, I apologise for that. I just lost all drive and motivation and was feeling pretty lost with aspects of life, but I'm back to writing and feeling motivated again and I wanted to get this 15k morsel out as an early holiday present, but it comes with a warning: I'm not even close to finishing this story as a whole... I have plans and I won't be rushing to Rizzles. Jane and Maura have to go on their own journeys of self discovery, wherever (and with whoever) that may take them.

Thanks for hanging in there, I appreciate you all and wish you all a safe and happy holiday season.

Let's share some positive vibes: If you feel like it, please tell me one random thing you like about one of the characters in this story or about the story in general.