Head Noob in Charge

Church, Tucker, Cunningham, Scotty and Caboose are standing next to the tank outside Blue Base.

Church: Hey I'll let you in on a little secret, I've uh... I've actually got a girl back home.

Tucker: Oh yeah? Girlfriend or wife?

Church: No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out... ah, you know how it works.

Cunningham: Oh, well, you gonna marry her when you get back?

Caboose: I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

Church: Hey, rookie.. did you just call my girlfriend a cow?

Tucker: Naw man, I think he called her a slut.

A man in lapis armor (Barrus) comes down the ramp and gets inside the base

Barrus: Hey guys, How's it all going?

Scotty: Your Late! we got a tank.

Barrus: Oh Tank, I wonder what'll they think next?

Church: I'll tell you what, noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do.

Caboose: Great.

Church: See, we've got this General.

Tucker: Right, the General guy.

Cunningham: …who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases.

Church: So what were gonna have you do, is were gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by.

Caboose: When is he coming by?

Tucker: We never know. Could be today, could be a week from now.

Caboose: You want me to stand at attention for a week?

Church: You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag.

Caboose: What's so important about the flag?

Church: Oh, come on, don't they teach you guys anything in training?

Caboose: They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?

Cunningham: The Flag is the-... The... Tucker?

Tucker: Well... it's... it's complicated. Uh... It's blue, we're blue.

Church: It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the General comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.

Tucker: Right.

Cunningham: Yup.

Church: So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him.

Caboose turns and heads for the base, but stops half way and turns around.

Caboose: Uh, how will I know when I see him?

Tucker: There's only seven of us out here, rookie. He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us.

Church: Now get in there, and don't come out! (turns to Tucker) Man, that guy is dumber than you are.

Tucker: You mean he's dumber than you are.

Cunningham: Wow, Tucker, that was a great come-back.

Church: Anyways where's Jonathan?

Cunningham: Top base, said he was doing some "exercise" don't fucking know why though, were not doing anything anyway.

a man in Azure armor (Jonathan) playing with a teddy bear by giving him a mini Mjolnir armor.

Jonathan: Come on Teddy, you'll need this suit so you could be safe from troubles (exhales) of the outside. (Starts to laugh evilly) Mwehehehehehehehheeh!

Caboose: Uh, Mr. Church? Sir?

Church: Oh my god, WHAT!? (turns to Tucker and Cunningham) I swear, I'm gonna kill him!

Caboose: Sorry about calling your girl a slut...

Church: ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!

Tucker and Basically turns around and starts to laugh.

Church: (turns to them) Are you guys laughing at me?

Tucker: (snorts) No.

Cunningham: (chuckling) Yeah.

Donut steps up behind Church.

Donut: Excuse me, sir, can I ask you a question?

Church: Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around, and you are not inside, I.. I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you!

Donut: What did I do?

Church: One...

Donut: Aw, gimme a break.

Church: TWO!

Donut: Fine!

Donut leaves

Cunningham: That... Wasn't the rookie, who was that?

Tucker: Maybe command gave us a bonus?

Church: Oh hell NO!

Back to Blue Base with Donut running up to Caboose.

Caboose: Wow, you got here fast!

Donut: Why is everyone so freakin' rude in this canyon?

Caboose: I'm not, sir. What can I do for you?

Donut: Finally, someone with a little respect around here.

Caboose: Yes, sir! I assume you're here because of this... (turns toward the flag)

Donut: Wait, is this all you have?

Caboose: Uh, yes, sir. That's it!

Donut: Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about elbow grease?

Caboose: Uhmm…

Donut: Headlight fluid?

Caboose: No. All we have is this flag.

Donut: Well, I can't go back empty handed. I guess I'll take that.

Caboose: Sure, that makes sense. I guess.

Donut: (leaving with the flag) Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag.

To Cunningham, Church and Tucker

Church: Well, enough gabbing out of us, let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker.

Tucker: Me? I can't drive that thing.

Church: You're telling me you're not Armor Certified?

Tucker: I ca- I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle. Don't you know how to drive that?

Church: Cunningham?

Cunningham: Got prohibited from driving a tank, could only drive a mongoose now.

Church: How the hell do you get banned in the military?! ..Holy Crap! Who is running this army!?

Caboose: (emerging from the base) Hey! Just wanted to let you know the General stopped by and picked up the flag!

Church: (to Caboose) Yeah! Okay! Whatever, mo-.

Cunningham: (interrupts) Wait, WHAT?!