After Church
Pans to the Reds walking atop the ramp of the Red Base where Donut is waiting with the flag.
Donut: What happened?
Grif: (panting heavily) Big... Tank... Shooting... Whooooh!
Simmons: Damn, man, we only ran like three hundred feet. You are really out of shape.
Patterson: Seriously man; you need some endurance training.
Grif: (still panting) Fuck... You... Both of you...
Wine: Wassup Bitches!... What's going on?
Donut: And where's your car?
Hanby: General Patton here had a great strategy to leave it behind.
Grif: Hey, it would have worked if that tank hadn't shown up.
Donut: You guys lost the jeep? Oh man, Lopez is gonna be pissed. Where is it?
The Warthog suddenly flips up on the base from below by an explosion, landing between Donut and the others.
Grif: What the hell..!?
Patterson: Oh Fuuuuck!
Wine: Chargeeeee!
Grif: Wildcat! What are you doing!
Wine: Hiding is for pussies! Fuckbois! Angaaa! (gets shot) aghhhhh Son of a bitch!... I'm alive, I'm back... Ow.
Donut: Oh crap! (picks up the flag) What the hell is that thing?
Grif: (crouching next to the Warthog) That's the tank!
Donut: Hey uh, Grif, uh, you wanna hold the flag for a little bit?... Wait where's the other guy?
Hanby: You mean Fong? He's gonna get something to stop that tank
Back to the Blues
Tucker: Why do you keep firing at the jeep?
Caboose: Because it's locked on!
Sheila: Target locked.
Tucker: Well, unlock it.
Caboose: Last time I unlocked it, I KILLED CHURCH!
Tucker: Oh, right... keep shooting the jeep then.
To the Reds
Donut: I hate to be the one to point this out guys, but I think we're screwed.
Sheila fires.
Simmons: Yeah. I have to agree with the rookie on this one.
Sarge: (on radio, from a Pelican dropship) Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Come in, Blood Gulch Outpost, come in. Do you read me? This is Sergeant-
Fong: Shit, fuck, Sarge. Sarge is that you? This is lieutenant Terrorizer.
Sarge: Roger that, Leutenant. I am currently in-bound to your position from Command.
Simmons: Sir, (Sheila fires in the background) this is Simmons.
Sarge: Hello, Simmons. I hope everything's gone alright while I've been gone.
Grif: Actually, sir, things are kind of hectic right now. The new rookie arrived, and somehow he managed to (Sheila fires in the background) infiltrate the Blue Base, and now we have their flag, the Warthog is damaged, one of their (Sheila fires in the background) guys is dead, and there's this huge fucking tank about to destroy our base.
Sarge: (radio sounds) … (more radio sounds) …Am I talkin' to the right base?
Grif: Sarge, (Sheila fires in the background) WE. ARE GOING. TO DIE HERE!
Sarge: Alright, alright, I have an idea(Radio sounds)… Where's Officer Fong?
Grif: He said he's gonna get something to solve this problem.
Sarge: Guess he got it, then. (radio sounds)
Grif: What do you mean sir?
Sarge: (radio sounds) Gotta trust Fong, men. He's got the weapon.
Simmons: Wha-?
Suddenly, Fong appears holding a strange hand gun, with a comically large handgun.
Fong: Alright!
Patterson: Wait, you said a big gun... Why's it small?
Simmons: What'd you mean man? That's completely average.
Fong: Out of the way. (targets the handgun to the tank)
Grif: Was there a reason to have a comically red target light on the handgun?
To the Blues
Tucker: Uh oh.
Cunningham: Everyone get the hell out of the tank!
Jonathan: Hmmm, alright... (leaves)
Tucker: Hey, Caboose, (starts backing up) you might wanna get out of the tank. Like right now.
Caboose: I can't figure out how to get this thing open!
Sheila: Night vision engaged.
Cunningham: Rookie, get out now!
Caboose: Okay, open the do—Okay, I, Sheila, will you please open the door?
Sheila: Driver canopy open. (Caboose gets out and runs away) Thank you for using the M808V Main Battle-
To the Reds
Fong: Goodbye ya little shitbits! (pulls the trigger)
as the trigger was pulled orbital missiles began to reach the Tank, blowing it up.
To the Blues as Sheila blows up
Jonathan: (Screams like a crow)
Scotty: Oh shit!
Caboose: Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! Running, running, running! (reaches Tucker, panting) Man, that was close
Tucker: Look at your tank though.
Barrus: Sheeeeesh!
Sheila: I'm scared, Dave. Will I dream? Daisy... (distorted, elongated) Daisy...
Caboose: Sheeeeiilaaaaa! Noooooo!
Tucker: What? No! Sheila! Sheila! W-Wait... Who's Sheila?
Caboose: Sheila's the lady in the tank. She was my and Jon's friend...
Tucker: Oh, dude! I knew you could pick up chicks in a tank!
Cunningham: Tucker shut up.