SPF 0 With a Risk

?: Boy do I have news for you, Command.

[BLUE]

Church, Caboose, Jonathan, Cunningham and Tucker were standing over Church's body.

Church: I am not happy about this.

Caboose: I have an idea. …I HAVE AN IDEA!

Tucker: Yeah, we heard you the first time, Caboose, we were just ignoring you.

Jonathan: Oh! I Have One!

Cunningham: Fuck No Jon, you are not using our skin as coats.

Jonathan: Aww.

Barrus: (inside the base) Wait- Oh Ewww… Why are there coats soaking in blood?... and white stuff?

Caboose: Since you possessed that Red guy, and took control of him, why don't you just possess your own body?

Church: Oh I see, so that way I would be living inside of my own dead body.

Caboose: Yes.

Church: Unable to move, just, laying there, rotting in the sun for all eternity.

Caboose: Yes.

Church: Okay, Caboose, I'll be sure to get right on that.

Caboose: I think you are a mean ghost.

Tucker: Dude, you really stink.

Church: What?

Cunningham: Your body, it stinks man.

Church: Tucker, Cunningham, the first chance we get, you guys are going to bury my body.

Tucker: Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it.

Church: It's a freaking indignity! My body fought hard for this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest.

Cunningham: Get fuckin' over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now?

Caboose: Hey, Church, look, birds! Why are they flying around in circles?

Jonathan: (GASP) Its the TEDDY BEAR STEALERS!

Church: (sighs) Nuh, God.

[REDS]

Grif: Okay, I'll go again. I spy something.. that begins with...

Simmons: Dirt.

Grif: Damn! How did you-

Hanby: That's all that's out here Fat-hog, its just rock and dirt.

Patterson: Well how about this? It's blu-

Simmons: Sky.

Patterson: (brief pause)… Aww.

Grif: Yeah, this canyon sucks.

[REDS]

In the other part of red base three armored individuals at in front of an old video tape of the early 20's.

Fong: Alright! Here's the plan, we use Grif and cover him with so much C5 to look like a cocoon, he'll be so confused and ask; "That's a big ass cocoon," and then BOOM! we blow him up, and then we start our phase 2, a full on siege!

Sarge: That has got to be the most Absurd plan i have ever heard... Its amazing! They'll never see it coming. Good Job Officer Fong, I knew I picked the right choice!

Wine: You know, I always wanted to know what's inside a cocoon...

Wine starts to sing.

Wine: ~I Wanna Fly Like An Eagle~

Fong: But... We have to wait for the right moment.

Wine: ~Into The Sea~

Sarge: Its either gonna be the 2400, or 0700. What's it gonna be Officer Fong?

Wine: ~I Wanna Fly Like An Eagle~

Fong: Hmmm...

Wine: ~Let The C5 Carry Me~

Fong: I don't Kno-

Wine: ~I Wanna Fla-(stops singing) Hahaha!

[BLUE]

Church: How long do you figure until Tex fixes the tank?

Tucker: Not much longer. She said it's going pretty well. The gun's almost working, and then she'll get it moving again, might Hurt Scott a lot, but moving again.

Church: (sarcastic) Oh, that's just fantastic.

Jonathan: Really?

Church: No!

Tucker: Why would that upset you?

Church: Because as soon as she gets the tank online, she's gonna use it against the Reds, and they're all gonna die.

Barrus with bloodstains on his helmet.

Barrus: Thought, the Reds dying was a good thing.

Church: No, Barrus, it's not a good thing. As soon as we beat the Reds, Tex is outta here. And I still haven't figured out a way to get that A.I. out of her head.

Caboose: A.I. …

Jonathan: What A.I? Oh wait never mind. I remembered.

Church: Shut up, Rooks. And if I don't get it out before she leaves...

Tucker: If she leaves you won't ever find her again.

Church: Right.

Scott: (in the comms with static) Hey Church. Let me give you some advice; "if you have a problem, deal with it and fix it."

Church: … That's what I'm doing right now Four... That's what I'm doing rrriiiggghhttt now...

Scott: (static comms) Oh... Well then, good job! Where here for you Church!... Say, can you guys help with the tank stuck on top of me?

Scott gets ignored by the other blues.

Cunningham: So What're you gonna do? posses some random dude and shoot the tank?

Scott: (static comms) No? okay...

Church: No, I guess I'm gonna do the only thing that I can do. I have to warn the Reds before she fixes the tank.

Tucker: You're switching sides?

Cunningham: That's basically almost the same idea as mine.

Barrus: Are you sure?

Caboose: Church, uh, wha-what happens when the Reds out here.. to stop Tex, and then they come also with guns and they find us..?

Church: I'll try to help you as best I can. Good luck, guys.

Church fades away.

Caboose: Does this mean we should try to kill Church now?

Tucker: I tell you what: kill me. I promise not to come back.

Barrus: …Oh boy, can't wait to go back home and see my Wife after this.

Cunningham: Shut up Barrus.

Barrus: And my Daughter.

Cunningham: I said shut u-!

Caboose: Hey! LOOK AT THIS. (focusing on Donut)

Tucker: No.

Caboose: They have A GIRL. They have a girl!

Tucker: A what?

Jonathan: Let me see! Let me see!

Caboose: A girl, a girl! Look! Pink armor!

Cunningham: Where! Oh never mind found her

Tucker: Oh man, how come they get a girl?

Tex: (from below them) Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standin' right here?

Tucker: Yeah, Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl-girl.

Tex: And what the hell does that mean?

Caboose, Jonathan and Tucker: (backing up from the edge of cliff, out of Tex's sight) Nothing!

Cunningham: They mean a girl that's Nice! (Gets grabbed away by Tucker) Woah!

To Tex now looking at Scott, the latter now has his arm at his chin, thinking about his decisions in life.

Scott: I Tend to ignore them... sometimes...

back to the other blues.

Tucker: Cunningham, shut up... Wait a second. If Tex heard that, do you think she heard Church's secret plan to warn the Reds about her?

Cunningham: Uh oh...

Caboose: I don't know... but I think I know how to find out.

Cunningham: Wait! Caboose No!

Caboose steps back up to the edge, looking down at Tex.

Scott: (still trapped on the tank) Hey Caboose, can ya help me? (Gets ignored)… Oh I guess not.

Caboose: Hey...! Tex! Uh... Did you hear Church's secret plan to tell the Reds that you were fixing the tank?

Tex turns back to the tank then Caboose backs up to join Tucker.

Caboose: I don't think she knows. …Unless she can read minds... She can't read minds, can she? …Can you hear what I'm thinking? Cunningham? What's the matter? (gets hit by the butt of an SMG) Ow...

[Unknown]

?: And that's about it, Command... Agent Nevada signing off.

Nearing of season finale, gonna start a blast.