The Joy of Toggling and Death
[REDS]
Outside of Red Base, Grif and Doc were chattering, all the while, Wine sat on a new and improved Warthog.
The Warthog, used the scrap of the old Warthogs, Hanby mashed them up, this such has which not include: 4 seats; 1 driver, 3 passengers, two individualized machine gun turrets on the back. New and improve, problem is... they still haven't made a name for it...
Doc: So he was shot in the head...
Grif: Right.
Doc: ...and you gave him CPR for a bullet wound in the head.
Grif: Exactly.
Doc: Yeah, I think that's a perfectly acceptable treatment.
Grif: That's what I said.
Doc: Oh yeah, people often overlook alternative methods of care. Like that Blue guy that was shot in the foot during the battle? All I did was rub his neck with some aloe vera, he was fine.
Grif: Yeah, I don't know about all that. I'm just glad that Sarge is wrong.
Sarge: Grif! Yer supposed to be watching the prisoner, not playing lookie-loo with him all day long!
Grif: Come on Sarge, he doesn't even have a gun.
Patterson: What about that thing he's holding?
Grif looks at Doc's "Medical scanner"
Doc: This? (Raises it) This is just a medical scanner. What's so wrong about it?
Wine: A fucking medical scanner?!
Simmons: Oh, well you two will be great friends then. He doesn't have a gun, and you didn't bring any ammo!
Grif: Hey thanks, kiss-ass. If I wanna take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last prisoner, I'll be sure to ask you.
Donut: Oh man, that is a burn. Dude, you just got burned. Burned, dude, burned.
Simmons: Oh, shut up, your armor's pink.
A disembodied male voice was then heard
?: COMING UUUUUUUUP!
The voice fell down from the sky creating a human crater, The man stood up revealing an Amber armored man,
Fong: Whoooo... Cant wait to do that again.
Doc: Uh, hey, guys? I-I just want everybody to know that Grif and I aren't, uh, technically friends.. uh, we're just talking. That's it. (to Grif) Sorry, man, but it's pretty obvious that you're really unpopular, and if I'm gonna make any progress around here at all I can't really be directly associated with you. I'm sure you understand.
Grif: ...
Doc: It's only because no one likes you.
Grif: ...
Doc: Stop staring at me.
Flores: Uhhh... Senior, I think you hurt him?
Wine: I Got it...! "SUPER AWESOME BLUE-FUCKER!"
Sarge: I thought we all agreed the Warthog should be called the; "RED DRAGON."
Wine: I told you It doesn't fly ya Dipshit!
[BLUES]
Scott cleans of the ashes of the broken Tank known as Sheila,
Tucker: Hey Church, if your body is the Red Team's old droid, and droids usually fix stuff, can't you just activate your repair sequence and fix Sheila?
Church: Huh... Well, yeah, it's worth a shot, I guess. (Clears throat) Alright. Stand back. (Tucker takes a step back) Huhrur...! Heeungh...! Hoom...!
Tucker: Anything?
Church: Yeah, it's not as easy as you'd think it would be.
Tucker: Maybe there's a button on you somewhere...
Church: See what you can find. I'll keep trying from in here... Huroor...! Oh! Hey!
Tucker: Found it?
Church: Hey Tucker... Open my helmet for a minute.
Tucker: What?
Church: Just grab my helmet and take it off.
Tucker: ...
Church: Come on!
Tucker: Alright, Alright... Fine.
Tucker held Church's Helmet and slowly took it off... Revealing something that shit him off.
A human skull.
He hastily put the Helmet back on, panicking all the while Church laughs.
Tucker: What the SHIT!?
Church: Ahahaha! You should've seen your face...! or... Helmet ah who cares. (Continues to laugh)
Tucker: What the fuck? why the hell was there a freaking skull?!
Church: Oh, Come on man! Who could've thought of putting a skull on a robot?
Tucker: Oh... Well... Ah fuck, is that all the shit you found?
Church: Nah, no wait. All I found was the time and temperature function. It is currently twenty-six degrees, by the way.
Tucker: What? It's not twenty-six degrees out here, that's freezing.
as Tucker talks, Caboose passes through the entrance of the base
Church: Celsius, Tucker.
Tucker: Oh, come on, dude, Celsius sucks. (Kneels down and looks at Church) Hey, I found something.
Church: Oh yeah? You found a button?
Tucker: Naw dude, it's more like a ...switch.
Church: Well, give it a flip.
Tucker: I don't wanna flip it.
Church: What's the problem?
Tucker: It's in a weird place.
Church: Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
Tucker: You flip it.
Church: These arms aren't that flexible; I can't even reach down there.
Tucker: What about Caboose?
Church: Oh man, he's so stupid, I don't even know if he knows how to operate a switch.
Tucker: Uhhh... Scott?
Church: I think flipping a switch counts as, "banned from being a mechanic."
Tucker: Barrus?
Church: I don't think he would consent to that, and straight up leave...
Tucker: What about the new guy? Nagle- Nogla? or somethin'... Or Cunningham what about him?
A crash was heard as a furious Cunningham yelled.
Cunningham: (voice only)DAMMIT NEW GUY!
Tucker: Oh man...
Church: C'm-Tucker, come on. We'll laugh about it later. I'll buy you dinner.
Tucker: (kneels down and tries to flip the switch) It won't move, it's stuck.
Church: Did you try wiggling it?
Tucker: No way, I'm not wiggling your dongle.
Church: Oh, stop being a baby. Just wiggle it.
Tucker kneels back down.
Church: ...So, you from around here, baby?
Tucker: Okay look, if you want me to do this, you can't talk like that.
Church: Alright alright alright alright, I'm sorry, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.
Tucker: I wish Tex was here, she wouldn't have any problem flipping it.
Church: You obviously did not know Tex that well.
Tucker kneels back down and flips the switch and a beeping noise starts.
Tucker: There! Anything?
Church: Nope. Nothin'. That's kinda weird. Do you hear something beeping?
[REDS]
Sarge: so... How you feelin' here Senior Pink?
Flores: Oh, uhhh... It feels... Good, Si, it Feels nice here.
Sarge: Good good, what was your original role before getting caught by the dirt cheap Blues?
Flores: Uhh I was a Driver senior, I can drive vehicles.
Sarge: You can drive say? Heheh, looks like we got a perfect replacement for Grif. (turns to the other reds) Are there any ideas on what to do with the prisoner?
The same beeping starts fading in, approaching the same volume.
Simmons: Well, we have to get him away from Grif, because ...yeah, you know, it's kinda cruel and unusual to have to talk to him.
Donut: How 'bout we, um, let him trade armor with uh, one of us? That would show him.
The Warthog's headlights flash in time with the beeping
Warthog: (voice is warbled and slurred) Warthog online. (the headlights flash once and remain on, and the voice is now up to speed) Homing beacon activated.
Donut: Sarge, d-d-did the car just talk?
Sarge: Uh oh.
Fong: Oh shit...
What a weird ass pig, it's got guns and stuff