Last Words

The modified warthog has now Sarge pinned and now is slowly firing each side closer and closer to his head. Doc is still impotently sitting in the driver's seat.

Simmons: Okay, we gotta do something here guys.

Donut: You're right. I got dibs on Sarge's armor.

Fong: Okay, Sarge? I'm gonna need you to bend over... Wait a minute that's stupid... Okay, Doc I'm gonna need you to leave the vehicle!

Doc: Uh... I don't know How!

Wine: Hold on, let me handle this- (Gets shot multiple times and goes down) Uuuughhhh, never mind! (groans)

Grif: Wine's dead.

[BLUES]

Tucker knelt front of Church, the beeping is still heard.

Tucker: Okay, Church, you ready? I'm gonna yank the wire.

[REDS]

Sarge: Grif, if you see Lopez, tell him I forgive him. Tell him. he was like a son to me.

Grif: I thought Simmons was like a son to you?

Sarge: No offense, Simmons. Lopez and I just. understood each other better. And Fong... Don't team kill.

Flores: Jump Senior!

Fong: (puts his detonator in his pocket) Don't worry, I won't.

Simmons: Wait wait wait... Understood? He refused to speak English!

Grif: Yeah, and he ran away the first chance he got.

Simmons: And now he's trying to kill you with a remote-control jeep.

Patterson: A remote controlled "UGRADED" jeep.

Sarge: Ahhhh, what a little rascal.

[BLUES]

Tucker: Alright, here goes nothin'. One... Two... Three! (Pulls the wire, there's a small electrical sound, and the beeping stops)

Church: Oh god, yes! Finally! Some freakin' peace and quiet! I thought that was gonna drive me nuts! …Hey. Why can't I move my legs?

Cunningham notices Nogla missing.

Cunningham: Wait... someone's missing... Man why do i have the feeling its been a long time.

[REDS]

Warthog: (emits its series of beeps, shutting down) Signal lost.

Fong: Oh shit it stopped.

Grif: Wow, that was a close one. Are you okay, Sarge?

Sarge: Ah, horse puckey, I'm fine. Although I do have to admit, maybe a little bit disappointed.

Patterson: Disappointed?! Why?

Simmons: It's okay, sir. I know that you said a lot of things that you didn't mean. People say crazy stuff when they're faced with their own mortality.

Sarge: It's not that. I just felt like I could have taken him.

Fong: In what way?

Grif: Taken who? The two machine guns?

Simmons: With smart bullets?

Patterson: What makes a bullet smart? Do they go to college?

Wine: (Instantly wakes up) Shuuuuuut thwe fuuuuck uuuuuup, collage's load of bullshit!

Sarge: That indeed officer Wine, collage is indeed a dangnabbit BS. But anyways, he was a worthy opponent to be sure, but right at the end there he was beginning to show signs of weakness. Cracks in the armor, if you will.

Grif: What? You can't fight two machine guns.

Donut: Yeah, Sarge. I know you're tough and all, but it is kinda hard to beat up hundreds of armor piercing bullets using only your face.

Wine: Nu-uh you can do that.

Fong: Oh yeah? (Cocks a heavy shotgun) With what on your hands?

Fong was now pointing this new strange bulky ass pumped up shotgun, it had three barrels, most likely has explosive shells too.

Wine: Don't you fockin-

BANG-BOOM

Wine: Oof. Ow.

Fong: You so lucky I only used plastic explosive shells!

Wine flew across the grass now incapacitated.

Sarge: And yet, he surrendered.

Doc: Guys, guys, it's okay, I've seen this before. Sarge just lived through a very traumatic ordeal. We all have ways of coping with the stress.

Grif: Oh yeah? How do you deal with it?

Doc: Oh, I have my own system that works pretty well for me. ...By the way, the driver seat of the jeep is gonna need a thorough cleaning-

Fong cocks the three barreled shotgun.

Doc: …Please don't...

[BLUES]

Church: This is great, this is just great! Thanks a lot, Caboose. Now what'm I supposed to do? My lower half is damaged.

Caboose: Why don't you try walking it off?

Church: I can't use my legs, moron.

Caboose: Oh, I see. …Have you tried running?

Jonathan: Oo-Oo, have you tried... Crawling?

Church: Fuck that, can't go crawling like a zombie, and you all retards keep on stepping on me.

Tucker: This doesn't seem like that big a deal. You hardly ever used your legs before anyway.

Scotty: I've never heard of a grown man asking for so many piggy-back rides.

Church: Hey, I already told you: that was for science.

Caboose: Why don't you just try walking on your hands? Then you could use your feet for high fiiiiives, and ...eatin' sandwicheeeees... and, you know, the important stuff.

[REDS]

Simmons: Hey, Doc, although I'm sure Sarge enjoys having his spine pulverized into dust, maybe you should go ahead and back up the Warthog.

Doc: Oh, right. Sorry. (Accidentally drives the Warthog forward into Sarge again)

Sarge: Oh, hot buttered lug nuts!

Patterson: SHIT!

Doc: Ooo, geez, I'm really sorry. I-I just was in the wrong gear, let me just... (accidentally rams Sarge again)

Sarge: Yoh, geez! There goes mah last kidney! I was saving that one for a special occasion.

Fong: TEN SECONDS!

Doc: Third time's a charm?

Simmons: I don't think so, Poindexter. Outta the jeep now!

Doc: I'm really sorry guys. I was only trying to help. Really!

Grif: Oh, is that all? I for one was totally confused. I thought you were savagely trying to kill our sergeant by ramming him over and over with a six-thousand-pound steel death machine. Now that we know that you're just trying to help, by all means, please continue.

Doc: … …Really?

Patterson: No.

Grif and Simmons: Get out!

Nogla appears out of nowhere.

Nogle: Hi!

Patterson, Grif and Simmons: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Fong: Holy Shit!

Wine: (Dazy) Whuh?

[BLUES]

Church: Well just start reattaching wires, I'll tell you when I feel something.

Tucker: What about that? Do you feel that, Church?

Church: No, what're you doing? I don't feel anything.

Caboose: Oh, Church? You know, I was thinkin'. ...Uh yih yih ya know, when you, when you eat ice cream too fast sometimes and it hurts your brain?

Barrus: Then just open your jaw and move it around, that'll help a little.

Caboose: Oh, That's a good idea, thanks... Barduss.

Barrus: (pats Caboose's back) You'll get it eventually.

Church: Hey, Caboose? Yeah. Shut up.

The 3 reds (Grif, Simmons and Patterson) are seen from a distance approaching Blue Base. Walking.

Caboose: (seeing the Reds) Uhhhh... Church? I think that you should know that the Reds are-

Church: Dammit, Caboose! In the short time I've known you, you've managed to call my girlfriend a slut, blow me up with a tank, shoot me in the head, and now paralyze me from the waist down! So I hope it's not too much for me to ask, just for once, if you'd shut yer freakin' mouth!

Simmons: Hey, Blues, we're here to- (sees Tucker kneeling in front of Church) What the hell are you guys doing!?

Patterson: Woah, sorry for interrupting man.