[S2] Nine Tenths of the Law

Winter was nearly over as the sun now covers the snowy sight of Blood Gulch, Donut and Sarge stood atop of red base, Wine sitting right in front of them at the edge of the base. They watched over the canyon, the horrid canyon.

Donut: So, just you and me hanging out at the base today, huh Sarge!

Wine: Shut up.

Donut: This is new. I notice you use a shotgun. That's cool. I just use this pistol. It works for me.

Wine: Shut up.

Donut whistled casually, not even realizing he ignored Wine.

Donut: So, you think the guys will be back soon? What do you think they're up to? Do you think they stopped at the store?

Wine: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Donut: I noticed we were getting pre-tty low on elbow grease. ...When you die, can I have your armor?

The irritation has been boiled

Wine: Shut The Fuck Up!

Simmons has arrived with the other 2

Simmons: Hey, we're back!

Wine: Ah final-

Donut: Oh man, am I glad to see you guys! Sarge would not stop talking. Seriously.

Wine: That's it!

Donut: Ohh!

Wine proceeds to tackle Donut to the background now beating the crap out of him.

Sarge: Grif, Simmons, Patterson, were you able to work out a suitable exchange?

Simmons: (sighs) Uhh, not exactly sir. You see, when we showed up the Blues were doing something, REALLY weird and then w-

Wine: (background) You little piece of shit!

Grif: Really weird! And they were rude!

Donut: (background) Wait! Wait!

Simmons: Hey dumbass, I thought we agreed I was gonna tell the story.

Wine: (background) You had one job! to shut up!

Grif: (half-heartedly) Excuse me! Go ahead!

Wine: (background) You can't even do that!

Simmons: (to Sarge) Well you see, the Blue guys were really weird. And not just normal weird, really weird.

Grif: You're not telling it right.

Simmons: Okay, fine, how do you remember it?

Grif: Well, I remember we agreed that you're a kiss-ass. I got fuzzy on the rest of the details.

Patterson: A blue sucked another off.

Simmons: ANYWAY, they didn't want the prisoner back, sir.

Sarge: Why those cunning, blue devils! Does their treachery know no bounds?

Grif: It wasn't a total loss, sir. I was able to steal his wallet.

Patterson: Was that the only thing you stole?

Grif: I also stole some loads of Olive Oil bread sticks.

Patterson: Huh, sweet.

Grif: I'm not sharing.

Patterson: Shit.

Sarge: Grif, I may just make a respectable soldier outta you yet.

Grif: Really, sir?

Sarge: Hell no! Now leave the money on my nightstand and get back to work! I also want those breadsticks.

[BLUES]

Church: Alright Tucker, what the hell are we gonna do, man? I gotta get my legs working, here.

Tucker: I don't know, but I can't just keep pulling wires down there. I think we should call in a professional. Maybe someone who can fix Sheila too. Anyone else above being banned?

Church: Okay, great idea, but the only two people that can do that are Senior El Roboto and Tex.

Caboose: Hmm, Tex can be kinda hard to work with.

Jonathan: Yeah, considering she can't talk anymore.

Tucker: Yeah, dead people usually are.

Church: Quite frankly, Tucker, I find your attitude offensive.

Nogla: Wait wasn't she a bitch anyway?

Church: Hey!

Scotty: Yeah, she was a bitch

Church: Scott!

Nogla: Why would we need her anyway?

Church: I'm having enough of you two!

Caboose: What about that Lopez person? Is he available?

Church: No...! Ahem... I'm in his body, remember?

Jonathan: Well, how about you just go out and we force him to fix it?

Tucker: What?

Caboose: Yeah! Why don't you just leave his body, and then Tucker and us will make him fix you and my girlfriend!

Tucker: Girlfriend?

Church: What're you two, a retard?

Caboose: I-I mean uh, Tucker and Us will make him fix you, and ah, the beautiful tank lady means nothing to me, uh then we can get you back in his body when he is done.

Nogla: Maybe also fix the toilet?

Scotty: What?

Tucker: I'm confused. That actually seems like a good idea.

Church: I know...

Tucker: But Caboose and Jon said it.

Church: I know!

Tucker proceeds to hit Church in the front his head with a pistol.

Church: Ow! What the hell was that for?!

Tucker: I don't know, I thought maybe I was dreaming. So I punched you in the face to make sure I wasn't.

Church: Tucker, when you think you're dreaming, you don't punch somebody else, you get somebody else to pinch you!

Tucker: Dude, it doesn't matter what kind of dream I'm having, I am not going to ask you to pinch me.

Church: If you dented my forehead, Tucker, I'm going to be pissed!

Tucker: Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Scotty hits Tucker in the front of the head with a pistol.

Tucker: Ow! What the hell was that for?

Scotty: Dunno, still dreaming?

Tucker: Ah you-

Church: Let's try this. I'll jump outta Lopez's body real quick, you two just watch him and make sure he doesn't try anything. Got it?

Tucker and Caboose: Okay, Church.

Jonathan: Okay, Chirchious.

Nogla: Okeydokey.

Scotty: Sure, Church.

Church: (clears throat) Alright, (to Jonathan) and Jon don't call me that again. here's goes nothing. Hegerkerker. (Church leaves Lopez's body)

Tucker: You know, I have to hand it to you, you two, you finally came up with a good idea.

Jonathan: Aww, you make me blush!

Caboose: Thanks, man. It was nothing.

Lopez who stood right Infront of them, looked around confused of what had happened.

Tucker: No, no, you two really contributed, and that's what it's all about.

While almost nobody else but Nogla noticing, Lopez turns around and runs off back to Red Base

Caboose: You know, we just enjoy the process.

Jonathan: Yeah...

Church: (back to being a ghost) Yeah, back in the spirit world, alright! Man, I forgot how good this feels... kinda loosey goosey. Hey, what'd you guys do with my body?

Tucker: What do you care about your body, you can't even move your-

Nogla: Hey guys, I think Church's legs are fixed.

Scotty: There he goes.

O'Malley: (holding up the sniper rifle) This one is mine!

O'Malley the conversion shoots only to ricochets off to somewhere

Church: Hey, Caboose! Whoa, cut it out, man! You're gonna damage my body! Tucker, you guys go through the teleporter and cut him off. I'll meet you guys out there. (He fades away)

Tucker: There's no way I'm going through the teleporter again. I still got this tingle in the back of my... look, dude, I'm just not going back through the teleporter, okay?

Caboose: But Church said so-

Tucker: Yeah, but Church didn't think of THIS!

Tucker throws a grenade on the teleporter

Scotty: That's a pretty good Idea, throwing flashbang.

Scot throws a flashbang grenade at the teleporter, as soon as that Jonathan also throws a smoke canister, and then Nogla throws a rock hard.

Tucker: You should throw something too.

Caboose: Oh, uhh ookay...

Caboose throws something small but similar looking, it wore a mjiol-

Jonathan: TEDDY BEAR!

Jonathan realized it was teddy bear and immediately proceeds to jump into the teleporter as well.

Scotty: … He'll be fine... I think.

Tucker: Come on, let's go.

Tucker runs off to the base

[Lopez]

Church: Alright, hold it right there, amigo.

A grenade then comes out of the teleporter-

Lopez: Mira, que cosa mas fina.

{Look, what a finer thing.}

Lopez runs away.

Church: Hey, I said hold it not run away! You big... robot baby! What the hell? That rock looks just like a grenade.

-And then a flashbang. And then a gas canister which immediately leaves smoke and then a rock that was thrown so hard it left a crater, and then Jonathan hugging an armored teddy bear

Jonathan: (happy) Teddy Bear!

Church: Ah crap.

BOOM

The grenade explodes, then following the flashbang as Jonathan screams.

[REDS]

Grif with a sniper looked at an explosion seen from afar.

Sarge: What in Sam Hell is going on out there, Grif?

Grif: Sir, I think we're under attack. A very sloppy, poorly coordinated attack.

Sarge: How many do you see?

Grif aimed back to the scene only to see 4 blues and 1 green running. to them.

Grif: There's Five coming our way and another one seems to be...

He sees cobalt colored Lopez running from the opposite position.

Grif: …retreating?

Sarge: Oh, we'll give them all the reason to retreat. Flores!

Flores walked up to the Red Base's roof.

Flores: Si Sargento?

[Yes Sarge?]

Sarge: Start the engines!

Flores: Affirmativo.

[Affirmative]

Flores left and hopped on to the driver seat of the Warthog revving it upas he goes.

Sarge: Wine, Simmons, Saddle up. Let's go rope us some blue steer!

Simmons: Woohoo!

Wine: Oh yeah Finally! some action!

Sarge, Simmons, and Wine run off of Red base, for another battle.

Simmons: Alright, yeah!

Sarge: Yeah, woohoo, let's go! Alright!

Simmons: Let's do it!

Wine: WOOO!

Donut stood up, still wonky right next to Grif and Patterson.

Donut: So, just (ow) you and me hanging out at the base... That's cool!

Grif: Shut up, rookie.

Donut: Do you think they'll be gone long? Me and Sarge had a great time together. We talked about all kinds of stuff...

Grif: (while Donut babbles, most of his lines overlap) Oh my god. I'm not gonna be listening to this all day long. Patterson?

Patterson snored, indicated that he slept standing.

Donut: He showed me a picture of his mother, we talked about home decorating-

Grif: You have gotta be kidding me. Are you ever going to SHUT UP?

Donut: -we made macramé ideas-

Grif: Jesus Christ!

Donut: -we shared recipes for soufflés. Oh man, it was such a blast! And then we talked about our feelings-

Grif: (exhasperated sigh) Ugh... god...

Donut: -and then we also discussed what it was like to be the loner in high school-

Grif: Jesus Christ... You've got to be kidding me. Oh man... I don't wanna listen to this...

Donut: -and, you know, all the kids' made fun of us, but we had a really great time! I mean, Sarge is a really neat person and we talked about his dream the other night where he dreamed that, uh... some shit happened.

Grif: Why me?

Patterson snored too loudly.

Was thinking of making this a 2-part book for this chronicle.

My experiences of reading were losing interest of reading because of how long the chapters of the stories are but at the same time I didn't want it to end.

Maybe because they were just; chapter (numbers).

Not like; volume (number) Chapter (number) (title).

Hope you guys wouldn't lose interest.

Edited missed opportunity for me to add Droidd in the warthog, as he would bethe driver if Grif isn't around.