I ran back to the Slytherin common rooms as fast as my legs could carry me. My mind was spinning; Snape had felt my emotions and heard my mind. I need to speak to Dumbledore. Tonight.
I mumbled the password, "pure-blood", and barged into the common room. My dramatic entrance caused all the students to stop talking and turn to stare. I huffed a ragged breath and wiped the sweat from my upper lip. "Good evening, everyone. I trust you all had a pleasant first week?" I smiled. "Better than you, it seems, Head Girl Hazel." Draco sneered with a smirk. "Oh, thank you for your concern, Draco." I smirked. "As Head Girl, it is quite tiresome keeping an eye on you all." He chuckled. "Heavy is the head, Hazel." I began walking to my quarters. "I agree, I would look quite good in a crown." I winked at him.
I entered my room and kicked off my shoes, loosening my tie. I sank down in one of the armchairs and sighed, shivering slightly. The fire was already lit, so my room wasn't completely freezing. The shiver came from the lingering anxiety that Snape was on to me. It came from the realisation that I would have to spend two hours alone with him tomorrow night.
I'm not hungry, but as Head Girl, I can't be seen skipping meals, especially dinner. Not being able to sit still, I start pacing in front of my window; I've got 45 minutes to compose myself. I need to clear my mind, practice my breathing exercises, meditate, anything to help block Snape from my mind.
All my life I have been taught to keep my mind closed; you never know who might be listening. In less than one week, give or take six years, Snape has managed to weasel his way into my mind. He has always intrigued me, fronting as the great, evil dungeon bat, but feeling more like a lost soul.
I want to learn more about him, I really do. Can I risk him learning more about me too? I'm not sure I can stay away from him now that I have heard his mind twice. Not that I have a choice, though. A few nights a week we would be alone together. Who knows what secrets will emerge?
A knock at my door broke me from my pacing and spiralling thoughts. "It's me." Came Draco's voice, soft so as not to be heard. I quickly opened the door, and he rushed in. "You know no one can see you come to my room down here, Draco." I smiled warmly. "Old habits, I suppose." He smiled back. "Come here." He laughed, pulling me in for a hug. I let out a sigh of relief and wrapped my arms around his waist. He was taller than me, so I could rest my head against his chest comfortably. "I missed you." I mumbled against him. "Me too." He kissed the top of my head, and I stood back. "Come, sit down." I ushered him to the armchairs in front of the fire.
Draco was not my best friend at the school, but we were close. Like Snape, whom I now know is his godfather, Draco presents himself as a cold and heartless bully. But, like Snape, he is also riddled with anxiety and pressure. He desperately seeks his father's approval and seldom gets it. I knew from the moment I met Draco that he was not the tyrant he claimed to be in front of his "friends". He just wanted to fit in, and the only way he knew how to gain respect was to demand it.
"How are you?" I asked. "I'm fine." He didn't look at me. "I'm lost." I sighed. "How's life as Head Girl treating you?" The fire still had his undivided attention. "Not much has happened yet. I'll be doing rounds a few nights a week with Snape, though." His head snapped to me. That got his attention. "Really?" I nodded. "Like, wandering the halls with him…alone?" I nodded again, sighing. "Yes, alone." He frowned, not breaking eye contact. "She can't be alone with him. She has no idea who he is." I could feel his heart rate increase drastically.
Frowning at his comment, I got up and moved to kneel in front of him. "Draco, what's wrong?" I took his hands in mine and rubbed his knuckles slowly. He sighed. "I just don't like the idea of you being alone with the greasy old git." He sighed. "He's your godfather, Draco. You know him better than that." I laughed softly, and he paused for a moment. "Does she know him better than that too?" It was moments like that that made it very difficult not to react to people's thoughts. "Exactly." He breathed. I squeezed his hands gently. "I'll be fine, Draco. I doubt there will be much conversing, anyway." I stood, pulling him up into a hug.
"Just be careful, Hazel." He pulled away from me with a quick kiss on my forehead. "I promise." I smiled up at him, holding out my pinkie. "You know I hate it when you make me do this." He rolled his eyes, intwining his pinkie with mine. "And yet, you always do it." I laughed. "Come on, let's go to dinner."
Draco was quick to part ways with me once we stepped foot in the hallways, slipping in between his goonies, Crabbe and Goyle. We entered the Great Hall as any other regular acquaintance would; without acknowledging each other's existence. I took my usual seat next to my best friend, Taslyn Rosewood. I could feel she was annoyed at me. "Hey Tas." I gave her a side hug. We don't have many classes together; I take Potions, Ancient Runes and Defence Against the Dark Arts while she takes Herbology, Care of Magical Beasts and Divination. Opposites attract, and all.
"Sorry I haven't been around much this week." I shifted on the bench to face her. "I wanted to get settled and used to the new routine." She didn't respond right away, and I could tell she was trying to decide whether to stay mad or not. I poked her lightly in her side. "Hey!" she couldn't help but laugh, but she didn't waste the opportunity to shove me back. I turned back to face the table, which had now filled with tonight's feast. "I just had to make sure your voice still worked." I smirked. "You can be very annoying." She huffed, but I caught the returned smirk.
"So, now that you have forgiven me," I nudged her with my shoulder, "please come to my room tonight." Taslyn snapped her head to face me. "Oh, finally! Her royal highness has granted me access to her quarters!" She laughed, rolling her eyes. "I said I was sorry! I have a great view of the Black Lake." I raised my eyebrows and smirked, I knew I had her now. "Fine." She's so cute when she tries to act mad. "Great. Come at 8, I have to speak to Dumbledore after dinner." I knew she would ask why, but I was praying she didn't. I hate lying to her. "Why? Are you alright?" Damn. "I'm fine, Tas. I have a message to deliver from my grandmother."
I have become quite adept at relaying half-truths to my friends during my time at Hogwarts. Coming from New York, my peers, particularly Taslyn, had a lot of questions. It was sink or swim, and I am very good at breaststroke. I'm not a Legilimens, I am just very intuitive. I'm not a teacher's pet, I just grew up surrounded by adults, so I know how to speak their language. I don't cheat in class; I am just book smart. All Taslyn knows is that Dumbledore and my grandmother knew each other in the 20's; old friends, so to say. "Oh, sure." She smiled. "I'll wait for you in the common room."
Taslyn continued talking about her week, but her voice faded into the background as I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I knew someone was watching me, and I had a pretty good feeling who. If I look directly at him, he'll know I can sense him. I gazed surreptitiously around the crowded hall before lazily casting my eyes across the staff table. I started at the far left, from Hagrid to Flitwick, stopping for a moment at Dumbledore before continuing. There, sitting two seats down next to McGonagall was Snape, staring right at me. I didn't let my eyes linger for more than a second before returning them back to my, now empty, plate. A second was all the confirmation I needed. Confirmation that he was as intrigued with me as I was with him.
I knew he was still trying to read me, not that he would be able to from this distance. As soon as our empty plates vanished, I kissed Taslyn on the cheek and hurried out of the hall ahead of the crowd. With haste, I found myself in front of the large griffin. I knew Dumbledore would be here shortly, but my patience is wearing thin. I started pacing, mumbling to myself, I didn't even realise I had started to sweat.
"Here to see me, Miss Goldstein?" I jumped at the sudden intrusion of my brief solitude. "Yes, Headmaster." I straightened myself up. "Quite urgently, if you have a moment?" I forced a smile, brushing my sweaty hands down my robes. "Of course, dear." He turned to face the towering griffin. "Sherbet lemon." He beckoned me to step onto the spiralling staircase in front of him.
As we entered his office, he gestured for me to sit across from his desk. "You know the password to my office, Hazel. Why did you wait?" He studied me over his halfmoon glasses. "I knew you had not returned from dinner, sir. I didn't want to intrude." I smiled softly. "It appeared you also needed to let off some steam before entering." We both chuckled. "Sherbet lemon?" He offered. "Oh, no thank you, sir." I never had the heart to tell him I hated the sweets he loved so much.
"What is bothering you, Hazel?" He is always so soft. "Well, sir. I…" In all my rambling outside his office, I probably should have come up with a game plan. "I was wondering if you had told anyone else about…" I paused, looking at him hoping he would understand. "No, I have not broken your confidence. Nor Queenie's." He was telling the truth; I let out a sigh of relief. "May I ask why you felt the need to ask?" I bit my cheek, taking a deep breath through my nose. Before I could respond, however, he spoke up. "Are you concerned about your interaction with Professor Snape?"
How did Snape manage to speak to him before I did? Clearly our "interaction" had affected him as greatly as it did me. I cleared my throat. "Yes, actually. However, I am now quite a bit more concerned knowing he has already come to you about it." I played with the hem of my skirt, not being able to look him in the eyes. "Please do not worry yourself, Hazel." He feels perfectly at ease. How? Why?
"Severus, like yourself, believes he is the only Legilimens at the school." He paused for a moment, and I finally managed to look at him. "Severus is a powerful wizard. There is only one other wizard in this world who has managed to infiltrate his mind." A wave of regret washed over him. I don't know of any wizard more powerful than Dumbledore. "You, sir?" It can't be, he would have told me if he was a Legilimens. He chuckled at my accusation. "No, not me."
I knew I wasn't the only Legilimens in the world, but I didn't know who else would be powerful enough to break through Snape's Occlumency. I could overthink that later, though. "What did he say about me? What did you tell him? I bet he hates me now." I was rambling, I couldn't keep my mind from racing, and I knew I needed to get everything out. He laughed again holding up a hand as to gently silence me. "Take a breath, Hazel." I let out a rather dramatic sigh. "He was concerned that you were sent by someone to penetrate his mind." My jaw dropped. "What?" I gasped, again rather dramatically.
He held up his hand once more. "I assured him that was certainly not the case." I slumped back in my chair; I was so exhausted. "I told him that if he was so curious, he needs to speak to you himself." Curious. There's that word again. "And lastly, he does not hate you, Hazel." I shivered slightly. "Contrary to popular belief, Severus does not hate everyone. He is simply on guard at all times." He sighed; another wave of remorse washed over him. What does he regret so much? I added that to my ever-growing list of things to overthink.
"Could have fooled me, sir." I breathed a soft laugh, smirking. "Everyone has their ways of coping, Hazel." He smiled. He still felt calm; it gave me some sense of relief that he wasn't worried. I smiled and stood. "Thank you, sir. I am relieved to know my secret is still safe with you." He stood and walked around his desk, stopped in front of me, and took my hand gently. "I am glad. However, I must ask you a favour." He felt hopeful yet…nervous? Strange.
"Anything, sir." I tilted my head slightly, feeling my hand become clammy inside his. "Severus will attempt to ask you about your shared exchange." I nodded in understanding. "I ask that you be patient. It is not in his nature to be vulnerable, especially to a student." Was he hopeful that I would be able to create a space for Snape to be vulnerable? He doesn't seem to be the type to have many close friends, but surely there are some people in whom he confides. "Of course, sir. I just hope he returns the courtesy."
With one final pat of my hand, Dumbledore bid me good night. Exhausted was an understatement, but I promised I would spend my evening with Tas. When I entered the common room, she was waiting for me, just as she said she would. I smiled widely; I really have missed her. "Come on, let's go." I ushered her down my personal passageway. "Want to sleep with me tonight?" I asked, pulling her into a side hug. "I thought you'd never ask!"