I woke up to the feeling of Severus running his fingers through my hair. If you had told me two months ago that I would be lying in bed, wrapped in the arms of the notorious dungeon bat, I would have laughed. Now, however, I have never felt more at home. I shifted slightly and looked up at him, smiling. "Good morning." I mumbled sleepily. "It is four o'clock in the afternoon." He chuckled softly.
He lifted me off his chest and climbed out of bed. I sighed, pouting at the loss of contact. "Thank you for staying with me." I hoped he didn't regret it. "It seems we both needed to be near one another." He glanced towards my bathroom briefly, before scanning his eyes across my room. "You can use my bathroom, Severus." I smiled, sitting up. He nodded and excused himself.
I stood up with a groan and inspected myself in the mirror next to my wardrobe. I know I was on my deathbed not even six hours ago, but I look dreadful. Having not been able to walk for two days, my legs feel so weak. "You don't look dreadful. But you do look quite thin. When was the last time you ate?" I didn't hear him come out of the bathroom. "I'm not sure. Maybe Wednesday?" I clutched my stomach, noticing my ribs are protruding slightly.
"Shower. I will arrange some food."I realised I probably smelt quite terrible. I also haven't showered since Wednesday morning. I smiled and walked past him into the bathroom. I gasped as the hot water hit my skin. My body has been through so much in the last week; it is so fragile. Seeing as I haven't bathed in quite some time, I took my time scrubbing my body clean. I washed my hair with vanilla-scented shampoo. I have a feeling he likes it quite a lot. More than me, according to the amortentia.
As I dried myself, I realised I hadn't brought any clothes with me. Shit. I know he has seen me half naked, but this is another level of familiarity. I studied my reflection for a moment. The thought of being wrapped in nothing but a towel in front of him excited me. I bit my lip, hiding my nervousness and exhilaration in my drawers, and opened the door. He was standing by the fireplace, and as soon as I stepped out, his eyes shot to me and travelled down my still damp body.
"Sorry. I forgot my clothes." I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. "By accident, I'm sure." Heat shot to his groin, and I felt my core throb. "I am offended by the accusation, Severus." I blushed. "Can you turn around, please? I need to change." I could have gone back into the bathroom, but this is my room, after all. He smirked and turned around. I could feel him tempted to catch a glimpse, but he fought the urge. I must admit, I was eager for him to turn back around, too.
I pulled on an oversized t-shirt and some tracksuit pants, purposely forgetting to put on a bra. He turned to face me again, and I walked to meet him in front of the fireplace. I smelt bacon, eggs, and fruit, but I also noticed he had changed his clothes, and I could smell sandalwood. "Did you change?" I couldn't tell if my mouth was watering from the smell of food or his cologne. "I also had not showered in quite some time." He wasn't wearing his usual robes with a thousand buttons. He was in a simple black button-up and black trousers. I laughed softly, realising this was the most "undressed" I had seen him.
"Thank you for organising breakfast." I conjured a cushion on the ground next to the coffee table, where the spread lay. "As it is 4:30, I believe it is afternoon tea." He laughed softly at my choice of seating. "I called on Pip, my house elf. She brought it here; I hope you don't mind." He sat down in the armchair closest to me. "You have a house elf named Pip?" I looked up at him and placed a slice of apple in my mouth. He nodded, and his eyes darted to my lips briefly. "Cute." I smirked, turned back, and started spreading butter on some toast. "Are you going to eat?" I asked. "I already ate. You were in the shower for quite some time." I glared up at him. "Good. You looked thin, too." I quipped, smirking. He rolled his eyes.
When I finished eating, the plates vanished, just like they do in the Great Hall. I smiled, internally thanking Pip. I would love to meet the house elf that has to put up with Severus. "She doesn't "put up with me". She has been with me since I was a student here. Albus hired her shortly thereafter." I laughed at his defensiveness. I stood up and spun the other armchair around to face him. He cocked a brow and smirked. I sat, crossing my legs, and waited for him to turn his chair as well. "Wait all you like, Hazel."
I waved my hand and spun his chair around, causing him to fall slightly over the armrest. "I don't like waiting, Severus." I laughed as he regained his composure. He was annoyed and flustered, but he couldn't hide his amusement. We stared at each other for a moment, both feeling unbelievably comfortable. Knowing he is in my room right now, where he has seen me half naked on three separate occasions, with students roaming the common room as we speak, is exhilarating. I glanced over his shoulder at the wall where he first kissed me, and I had to suppress a whimper.
"Please stop, Hazel." He growled, though I know he felt the desire build again, too. I sighed and slumped back in my chair, causing my braless breasts to bounce on impact. His eyes instantly dropped to my chest, and he groaned. "You can't tell me to stop if you're going to keep looking at me like that, Severus." I smirked. His gaze made my core throb, and I couldn't clench my thighs together as I was sitting cross-legged.
He leant forwards, braced his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his hands down his face. We were both struggling to keep our desires in check. He felt so guilty. I knew it was because he felt like he was taking advantage of his position of power, but it also felt like he wanted to keep me away from something that could hurt me.
"We know this isn't going away, Severus. I need to know the truth." I begged him to finally let me in. "Truth about what?" He knew exactly what. I rolled my eyes. "About what you're hiding. About what "task" Draco has. About what's happening to Albus. I need to know it all." I wanted to learn more about our bond too, but that can wait.
His heart sank, and nervousness washed over him. "Please, Sev." His eyes shot to mine. I didn't mean to call him by a nickname. It felt natural, and it just slipped out. My heart rate increased, and I bit the inside of my cheek. I thought he would hate that I gave him a nickname, but he seemed elated. I breathed a sigh of relief. "Do I have to call you Haze now, too?" He smirked. I blushed and bit my lip to stop myself from giggling. "Only if you want to." No one has called me Haze before, but I would let him call me anything he liked.
He sat back in his chair and sighed. We both needed to calm our nerves. I waved my hand and a bottle of firewhiskey, and two tumblers levitated towards us. The bottle tipped itself, filling the two glasses, and sat down on the coffee table beside us. With eyebrows raised, he grabbed the tumblers and handed one to me. "Hidden stash, I presume?" He teased. "I don't need to hide it in here." I winked, feeling awfully smug.
We both took a sip, letting the warmth spread through us. "I have thought long and hard about if and when I should tell you the truth." He began. I stayed silent; I could not interrupt him now. "I cannot be blind to the fact that the universe has bonded us for a reason." He has already finished his double shot. I levitated the bottle over to him again, and he held out his glass. "I will tell you what you want to know. But I need you to listen and not ask questions until I am done. This is not easy to explain, and it will be even harder to hear." I nodded; my hands were already starting to sweat.
He took a deep breath in to prepare himself. "Albus is on the hunt for items that can be used to destroy the Dark Lord." I frowned slightly. "Voldemort." I nodded slowly, suddenly feeling nauseous. "One of these items was a ring. Unbeknownst to Albus, it was cursed. The second he put it on, he knew his mistake. I have given him potions to prolong the inevitable, but he has little more than six months." My chin started to tremble. It is likely he won't see me graduate.
"Draco has been –" He paused. He was so nervous to continue. "I can handle it, Sev." I spoke softly. "He has been ordered by Voldemort to kill Albus." My jaw dropped, and I gasped. Tears were streaming down my face faster than I could wipe them away. I promised not to ask questions, but this is torture. How does he know what orders Voldemort has made? He set his tumbler down next to him and waved his hand, bringing my chair closer to him so it sat just in front of his legs. He leant forwards and placed his hands on my knees, rubbing them gently. I know he is trying to sooth me, but his touch made a sob crack through my throat.
"I have ensured that he will not have to follow through." He started running his hands up and down my calves. I leant forwards and grabbed hold of his hands. I needed to feel his skin on mine. "Do you know what an Unbreakable Vow is?" I nodded. We learnt about them in fifth year. "I made the Vow with Draco's mother. I swore to protect him. I vowed that he would not be the one to kill Albus." I frowned and went to pull away from him, but he tightened his grip, keeping me close.
"Prior to making the Vow, Albus and I had already agreed that it would be me who would fulfil the task that has been ordered of Draco." The guilt that is eating Albus alive is that Draco has been ordered to kill him, and he has asked Severus to do it instead. My heart broke for all three of them. I can't forgive Albus for forcing Severus to do this, but I am grateful that it means Draco won't have to. "Draco does not know I have made the Unbreakable Vow with his mother. You cannot tell him." I nodded. I didn't know what to say.
"That is everything." He sounds so defeated, but I can tell there is something he is leaving out. "Why does it have to be you?" I still don't understand. "After all I have just confessed, your only concern is me?" Of course I am concerned about Draco and Albus, but Severus has my soul. And my heart, for that matter. "Yes." I squeezed his hands gently. He paused for a moment, losing himself in my eyes.
"The Dark Lord must trust me completely. If I am the one to kill Albus, it will assure him that I am on his side." I ripped my hands from his tight grasp and stood up on my chair. I couldn't breathe, and my nausea was back. I jumped over the armrest and ran to my window, all while keeping my eyes locked on his. "What the fuck, Severus?!" It took everything in me not to scream out loud. "Albus trusted you! I trusted you! And this whole time, you've been working for Voldemort?!" I was seething. I gasped for air and clutched at my churning stomach.
"Please, Hazel. I need you to listen." He stood up and began to slowly approach me. "I did listen! You admitted that you are working for him! I need to tell Albus." I backed away as he got closer. "Albus knows." Tears were still streaming down my face, and my eyes were burning. "What do you mean he knows?" He slowly crept closer, careful not to scare me away again. "Many years ago, I pledged allegiance to Voldemort, and became a Deatheater. But I made a mistake and –" He paused. I waited; now it was me not wanting to scare him off.
"He killed an old friend." I could feel the hurt in his heart. This was his biggest regret. "From that moment on, I worked for Albus. I remained by Voldemort's side on his orders." I leant against the window and stared out at the Black Lake. "A double agent." It was beginning to make sense, but it didn't ease my nausea. "Yes." He slowly brought his hand up and rested it on my shoulder, turning me away from the window. "You should have started with that." I am so conflicted. The bond that is pulsing through my veins is begging me to believe him. But my heart is aching at the thought.
With a wave of his hand, he cast muffliato on the room. He brought his hands up to rest them on my cheeks, wiping away the tears that had not stopped falling. His gentle touch and piercing eyes were my undoing. I collapsed into his chest, and he wrapped his arms tightly around me. I clutched his shirt and screamed, sobbing into his warmth. I couldn't hear myself over the blood rushing against my ears, but my throat started to ache. And still, he held me, shushing me and stroking my hair.
I didn't even feel that he had picked me up until he sat down on the loveseat. He cradled me in his arms until my breathing steadied. "I'm sorry." He kissed the top of my head gently, and I finally looked up at him. "No, I am, Sev." He frowned slightly, wiped away the stray tears, and tucked my hair behind my ear. "You have had to deal with this all on your own." I shifted, so I was sitting up, and my legs were still draped over his. "Maybe this is why we are bonded; you needed someone to talk to." I don't know if I believed my words, but it was the only explanation I could find.
"Perhaps, but I think there is more to it than that." His hands dropped to my legs, and he started stroking them. My heart started hammering in my chest, and this time it wasn't caused by Voldemort or Unbreakable Vows. Keeping my eyes pinned on his, I slowly lifted one leg off his lap and shifted to straddle him. I rested my hands on his chest, and I could feel his heart pounding as fast as mine was.
"You still have my trust." I moved one hand up to his cheek. His eyes were darting between mine. "You still have my word." I brought my other hand up to cradle his face completely. I looked between his eyes and his lips, and I saw him do the same. His breathing became shallow, and I could feel his legs start to quiver beneath me.
"And you still have me." I slowly leant forwards and softly brushed my lips against his. I sighed at the heat that sparked when our lips met. I pulled away after only a moment. I didn't want him to feel like he had to reciprocate, even though I wanted nothing more. He had already shared so much with me this afternoon; I am just happy we finally trusted me enough to let me in.
I moved my hands back down to his chest and started to push myself off him. I didn't manage to move my leg off him more than an inch before he pressed his hand on my thigh, securing me in place. For the first time since this whirlwind of a year began, his eyes didn't hold contempt, hatred, or annoyance. They held hope, adoration, and relief.
He cupped my face as I had done and leant towards me. "My trust." His lips feathered across mine. "My word." He kissed me harder. "And me." He pulled me flush against his chest and ravished my mouth. I moaned when I felt his tongue connect with mine, and I couldn't stop myself from rolling my hips. I felt his length harden in an instant, and I whimpered into his mouth.
Without breaking our kiss, I reached up and removed his hands from my cheeks. I slowly guided them down my chest and over my breasts. When he felt my peaked nipples, he groaned. He dropped his hands to my waist and backed away from my swollen lips. I could have cried at the loss of contact. I didn't want a repeat of the night of the party. I don't think I could survive it.
With incredible ease, he lifted me off his lap and stood before setting me down in front of him. I was about to start apologising for forcing him into something he wasn't comfortable with again when he brought his hands to cup my cheeks once more. "I do not regret this, and I do not regret the last time. But we have to be careful, especially while you are still a student." I let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't rejecting me.
"I don't think I could reject you, even if I tried, Hazel." I had to bite my lip to suppress a grin. He turned to the fireplace, and I followed. "We have missed dinner. If you get hungry, call Pip." He placed a finger under my chin, locking his eyes on mine. "I will see you tomorrow for rounds. Don't be late." He leant down, kissed me softly, and climbed into the fireplace. I ran my fingers across my swollen lips and sighed as the fireplace swallowed him.
This kiss felt different from our first one. That night, it was filled with desperation and jealousy. This time, it was filled with something I didn't think was possible. Love.