Chapter 7

The flow of time

My life settled into a routine after I became the daughter of Elrond and Celebrian. Weapon training, culture training, diplomacy, and so on. The best part of the day or night was quiet walks in the valley, listening to birds sing or at night walking out in the starlight looking back down onto the elven city from far above. The rest of the time I started to stay in my room reading mostly. Patrolling with Glorfindel, Turan, Idril, Gaerdir, and Carandoldir was interesting enough, but very little in general happened. Sometimes we found game we hunted and reported those traveling on our roads. I guess I should be happy for times of peace and just a few ruffians to deal with as I did not know what war was like, but at the same time, I looked forward to meeting Gandalf, Aragorn, Théoden, Eowyn, and so on.

One night I was sitting in Ada's library and looking over maps of Middle Earth. From Eriador in the west to Rhun in the east. From Harad in the south and to the greenwood in the north. It was weird to not see Rohan on the map yet and Gondor's borders were far beyond anything during the War of the Ring. Much that now was would have to fade and few would remember it in years to come. My eyes came back north towards Greenwood and I could not stop sighing to myself. In fact, I did it louder than I believed and Ada came over to me.

"Are you well Elwen? You have been looking over the maps for quite some time now" he said and put his hand on my shoulder.

"I am Ada, I just sat here thinking of what is now and what will be in years to come. Knowing I will not die from age as I believed I would has changed my way of thinking and I am both scared and looking forward to what is to come." I said as I looked up at him and Elrond sat down with me.

He looked at me with a caring smile.

"My brother Elros had the same feeling as you do now Elwen, but in reverse. From having eternal life, he chose the life of men, he did not regret his choice and we did not see any changes in him for years and years, but in the end, he started to become grey, and his arms and legs did not work as they once did and the day we said farewell is still the saddest of my life." Ada's face became sad and he looked down for a moment until he looked up again.

"I am so happy I will not have to worry about that with you Elwen. Losing someone so dare to me and not being able to stop it was a horrible feeling to me." He smiled.

I did not what to say at that moment as I bowed my head.

"Ada?" I finally said. "Yes my child?" he responded.

"What if you lose me, Nana, or anyone else close to you?" I took a deep breath "Will you be fine? Or…" He smiled and took my hands.

"I will be fine if that is to come to pass, my dear. But that does not mean I will not be very sad for the loss of you, her, or any other that might pass. I remember you got the same gift or perhaps the curse as I of knowing what perhaps will happen in years to come, but do not let that weigh you down. Do not linger on the lives of those that have to pass. It is a lesson we all have to learn Elwen, even us elves."

I simply nodded as the door opened up and Nana came in seeing us sitting in the dim light of the candles talking.

"Why are my loves so grim in their faces?" She said and sat with us as we explained what we talked about.

"Well, you two are forbidden to speak of that topic tonight for I have news for you both."

Ada and I looked at her with curious faces as she found herself in a chair and sat with us.

"What is it Nana," I said as impatient as I always was. Looking at Ada's face I am sure he was as curious as I was, but he had more self-control to not ask it before she sat down.

With that Nana's hands rested on her stomach and she smiled at us both I could not but gasp as ada did not get it at once. But when he did his smile was all over his face and he grabbed our hands and started to laugh.

"You are pregnant Nana? Are you sure?" I said with a big grin on my face.

"I am Elwen, I have felt it for some time, but I wanted to be sure and I went to the healers to have it confirmed before talking to the two of you."

Ada seemed a little disappointed she had not come to him, but when she said she wanted it to be a surprise for us both he understood why. An evening that started with me worrying and doubting myself kicked me back into a good mood as Nana was pregnant with Elladan and Elrohir.

"I am so happy my love," Ada said with a smile on his face and he hugged and kissed Nana like he had not seen her in years. I loved seeing their affection for each other. "We have to celebrate it, come my lovely ladies" He basically commanded us and we followed him to the kitchen where he asked if there was any cake left. The head chef seemed almost insulted that he felt like he had to ask and got a carrot cake with a nice cream on top for us. He had never been cheap when it came to the slices of cake he cut for us, but today they were at least twice their normal size.

"Ada is clearly happy" I whispered to Nana.

"He is my sweet" Nana answered as we sat by a little table that was just for us when we wanted sweets. Ada hurried and got us apple cider to have with the cake and we sat there enjoying it more than ever before.

"I will never stop being shocked at how amazing Mainor is at baking" I let out with the cake still in my mouth. Ada and Nana smiled and laughed as the carrot cake flew out. Mainor heard me saying his name and thanked me for the compliment and asked if I wanted another slice how could I say no?

Going back to my room I felt better than I had for weeks and months. Still, I could not stop thinking about… oh yeah well maybe I should try to after all. Maybe it was just a dream and was it even a thing in middle earth? Maybe it would be better if I tried not to get the feeling I had felt when she was here.

Estelwen was ready to help me bathe and get into my sleeping dress as I entered my room. Looking at me as she ever did with those big worried eyes she seemed a little less worried today than the nights before.

"It is good to see you smiling again my lady" she commented as I started to undress by the tub and I could feel the heat of the water.

"Am I not always smiling Estelwen?" I said in a joking way as I knew I had not been doing much of it as of late.

She put her arms around me and hugged me from behind as she always did when she felt something was off.

"No, my lady, you are not. You have seemed down for months now and I started to really worry about you. Even so much that I…" She cut herself off and let go of hugging me.

"You worried so much that you did what Estelwen?" I said wondering what she had done.

"Nothing my lady, it is not important. Let us get you out of the clothes and into the tub shall we?"

Estelwen had never kept secrets from me or tried to hide anything she had done over the years I had known her and I got suspicious, but if she wouldn't tell me it couldn't be that bad. Could it?

The water was nice and very warm as I sat down in the tub, Estelwen started washing me as she always did and I heard her sing a song, not anyone she usually sang for me.

Tiro! El Eria e mor

I 'lir en el luitha 'uren

Ai! Aniron…

Translation

Look! A star rises out of the darkness

The song of star enchants my heart

Ah! I desire.

Her voice was like silk and I could not stop thinking of the words she sang.

"Estelwen?" I said the moment she was done singing.

"Yes my lady?" she said ever as innocent as she was looking down on me while washing my hair.

"What did you do?" I said in a curious, yet not demanding way.

"Nothing my lady… I may only have sent a letter." To which I turned and looked at my friend and servant.

"A letter to whom?" I said too quickly and too Eagerly. But she did not answer me at first. She finished washing my hair and took a deep breath.

"To Tauriel, my lady," She said as she looked me deep in the eye.

"You have not been yourself after she left, you have withdrawn yourself from others, you have spent time in the library and only performed your duties. Nothing more. I have not seen you in the hall of fire unless lord Elrond and the Lady Celebrian invite you. I got worried…" She cut herself off.

"Estelwen," I said before she cut me off again.

"No my lady, no Estelwen me, I am worried about my lady and I did not know what to do. I have only known you for four and a half years or so by now, but this is not you. Before she was here you were happily smiling, laughing, and interacting with others. After she left you started to shut yourself off. Your starlight walks have not gone unnoticed by me, the guards, and the rest of the valley. We all worry"

I let out a sigh and looked at her worried face. I did not know what to tell her as all I could say was foolish at best.

"You only wanted to help me and I am not angry about that Estelwen," I said looking into the tub for a bit before looking back at her.

"I simply do not know what happened over those few weeks I spent with her. We laughed, talked, watched the stars, and had breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner together. It was just a good time and we both are hurt, her by her family dying and me well you know my story…"

Estelwen looked at me, her face sad and she leaned over me. Not caring that her clothes got wet and full of soap.

"I do my lady, and I want to see you happy as I see lord Elrond and the Lady Celebrian" She did not let me go as we sat like so for many moments and I had to ask.

"Estelwen? Can I ask you something?" I blurred it out more or less.

"Of course my lady, anytime," she said while not letting me go.

"If two elleths care for each other and feel love, is that accepted?" I said with a little worried look on my face. I guessed it would not be and why I had tried to push my feelings even further away. She took a breath and looked at me.

"It is not common, my lady. But it has happened. I think lord Elrond is better at answering such questions than I am."

I felt hope in my heart when she said it had happened. But the chance of it being the same for Tauriel as me would be slim to none… I understood that, but for now, maybe I could let myself live in hope until I saw her again and that hope would die out as a fire in a storm.

"Thank you for telling me Estelwen and thank you for sending the letter even if you did not tell me" I took her hand and squeezed it.

"I had to do it, my lady, you were so sad and I care for you and I had to do it when you did not know. If you did you would stop me and I could not have that happen, now let's get you out of the water and into bed, I can see if lord Elrond is still up if you want to talk to him tonight?"

I stood up and took the towel around me, drying myself with Estelwen's help it was a quick affair and I got into the nightgown. Estelwen gave me one last hug before she said good night and that she would try and get my Ada to come to see me.

I sat in bed and waited, looking at the fire that was flickering and lighting the room somewhat, the candles did not burn or had been put out by Estelwen as she left. I could not believe she had sent a letter to Tauriel, but deep down I was very happy she had done so.

Knock knock. "Elwen, it is Ada, may I enter?"

"Yes please enter ada," I said with a happy tone to my voice.

"Are you well daughter?" He said with a worried look on his face.

"I am Ada, I just had to ask you something that Estelwen did not truly know the answer for"

He sat down by my side and looked at me with a smile.

"Please ask it and I hope to be able to answer it," he said and I got somewhat worried he would not like or even be ok with my question, but here it goes.

"I do not know how to ask it so I'll just say it ok?" He nodded.

"If two elleths care for each other… is it possible for them to be close? I mean more than friends?" he gave me a very fatherly smile and took a deep breath.

"It is, but it is very rare that it happens, I think I know of two or three times that has happened where the feeling was mutual in my lifetime and the same number that I have read about." He said in a sad tone like he feared my life would be a lonely one if that was what I liked.

"Ohh… thank you ada," I said in a sad tone, but at least now I know.

"May I ask you something, daughter?" He said as he saw I was sad by what he said.

"Of course ada" I looked up and tried to smile at him.

"It is Tauriel is it not?" He said in no unsure statement whatsoever.

My eyes widened at him as I nodded to him.

"Yes, it is… how did you know ada?" I asked curiously.

"Your nana saw you two together by the waterfall the evening before she left and every time you three had lunch together. You did not hide your interest in the woodland elf well my daughter" He said in a very factual way.

"Did I do something wrong ada?" I said as I worried I had crossed a line due to the way he said it.

"No, you have not. I am just sad you did not feel you could tell me and nana what was bothering you. We only want you happy dare one" he said and kissed my forehead.

"I know you do ada, and nana too. But I was worried it would be shameful or wrong and you two would not approve of it… I do not want to disappoint you" Was all I could say.

"You can never disappoint us dear one, we love you for you, but I wish you could have found yourself a sweet Noldor elleth instead." He said with a light in his eye and we both laughed at it.

"But you must know, it is rare for this to be mutual, and do not despair if she does not feel the same" He reminded me.

"I will ada, thank you for coming so late. I think I will try and sleep now… Tell Nana I love her and give her a kiss from me?" Ada smiled and stood up before leaning over me and kissing my forehead.

"I will dear Elwen. Sleep well now" he said and smiled as he turned and left for the door.

"You too ada," I said and then I was alone again in my room. Looking out of the window I could see the sea of stars like when I and Tauriel had watched them together months ago. If nothing else, it would be a nice dream was the last thing I thought of before drifting off to sleep.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. No answer came to Estelwen's letter and I put the whole idea out of my mind. Nana was getting closer and closer to the due date for the twins and I was busy getting ready for their arrival into the world. I could not wait to be a big sister to them even if it would be a challenge as I believe they were two jokesters.

I only knew I would love them as my brothers and do anything to protect them, even if they had no need of it as soon as they could use a blade for themselves. The entire valley was singing of joy as the lord and lady would have more children, I know deep in my heart that they all saw me as the lord and lady daughter, but it was something different with blood-born babies I guessed.

Ada and Nana had been very on me that just because they were having a baby that I would not be pushed aside by it and my place would never change. Of that I needed no reassurance, they had shown me so much love that I knew my place was safe and I was only looking forward to the little being born.

"How do you feel Nana?" I said coming into her and Ada's room.

"I am well Elwen, but I wish the little one would arrive soon. My back hurts, I am constantly out of breath, and sleeping on my back is impossible." I smiled at her and she returned it "And here I am just complaining to my daughter who takes good care of me" I laughed at her and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"You are allowed to complain Nana. You are about to burst as is and we will not hold it against you. Is ada not here?" I said looking around the room and towards the balcony.

"No, he is not" Nana responded. "He is an amazing man and father as you know, but I needed him out of the room for a moment or I would go nuts I tell you. He dotes on me and thinks I can do nothing by myself. I swear he tried to even do sewing for me earlier today"

I raised my brow and looked at her.

"Ada wanted to sew for you?" I said in disbelief

"He wanted to try as I am so frail I will brake just holding my sewing in my hands"

We both laughed at it as he came into the room.

"What is going on here?" he said with a curious look.

"I am just telling our daughter that you tried to even take my sewing away from me my love" He shook his head and looked at her with love in his eyes.

"I simply do not want you to overdo it. I said I do believe you are with twins and I would hate for you to overdo anything." Nana just shook her head and looked at ada in disbelief.

"It is sewing my love, not combat or running around in the woods. If I am so weak I cannot even sew I would believe myself almost in the halls of Mandos" She commented to his frustration.

"Do not speak of such my love, I do not even want to think of it in such a moment!" He said with fear in his voice and it was no laughing matter bringing up those halls.

With them bantering between them I heard the door open and saw it was Estelwen. She wondered if we needed anything and we all said we were fine, but Nana said she felt like she spilled something in bed. Though she had spilled something it was not her tea as she believed. The twins were coming.

The birth started slow, but I could hear Nana in pain and agony. Ada came out for short breaks to inform me what was happening and thankfully everything was going well. Even if I knew it would be well I was still scared for her. At least my arrival would not change anything yet.

The morning passed and turned into midday and early evening before the twins decided to come out. I had not moved from my spot in the hallway as I was too excited to see my two little brothers and Lindir had promised to care for everything and only come and get me if it was truly an emergency. Thankfully that did not happen and Ada came out with a large smile on his face.

"Elwen, wake up. It is done" He said as proud as an ada could be. "Come now hurry."

I got up and hurried inside to see Nana in bed, tired and sweaty but content and happy. Two elven children on her chest.

"Elwen," she said loud and happily.

"Nana, how are you feeling?" I said as I gave her a hug and kiss on the forehead.

"I am well, tired, but well." She said with a smile on her face.

"Elwen" Ada said to get my attention.

"Say hello to your little brothers. Elladan and…" I cut ada off before he could say it.

"Elrohir" I finished his sentence. Both of them were surprised, but they knew I had some knowledge of the world.

"Hello, my little brothers. I am so happy to meet you both" The pair rested on Nana's chest and the family was growing. I could not be happier for ada and Nana.

We sent for food and drink and rested in their room as Nana slept with the twins on her chest as the last homely house had two more additions to it and I could not wait for the third to arrive as well.