Luna Loud blinked rapidly. A brief inspection of her person confirmed that she was strapped into the passenger seat of a vehicle of some kind. To her right, the familar scenery of Royal Woods rolled on by at a leisurely pace. To her left sat Sam, whistling a jaunty tune as she guided them to their destination. Wherever that was...
"Sam?" She asked, hesitantly.
"Heya Lunes." Came the blonde's cheerful reply.
"Sam?" She repeated, trying to focus. "Where are we going?"
There was a brief pause. "You getting philosophical on me, babe?"
"No." Luna replied, flatly.
"Oh good, because that seems like kind of a headscratcher, and if you ask me—"
"Sam." Luna interjected, wracking her brain for answers and coming up dry. "Why can't I remember how we got here?"
"Oh, that's easy. After you brained me with my own guitar—"
A brief flash of insight. "You deserved it."
"I did." Sam nodded in agreement. Then, so low that Luna almost missed it, "Bet Lincoln doesn't beat up his girlfriends." Luna felt her right hand spasm violently, but she quickly clamped her left hand over it and tried to push down the violent impulses that were beginning to rise up again. Stay cool, she told herself. You love her. Most of the time.
"So you brained me with my guitar, and after we stopped the bleeding, you asked me to explain my plan to hook you up with Lincoln."
Luna winced as how blase the other girl was being about the situation. "And then what?"
"I did."
"And then what?" Luna growled
"You started screaming."
That would explain why her throat felt so raw. "And—"
"You kept on screaming. For like, a really long time. I think my parents thought we were doing some kind of weird sex thing, it got super awkward when I went down to the kitchen to make a snack and they could still hear you..."
Luna groaned, clutching her head in her hands. One day, that was all she wanted. One day where she didn't come off as crazy or a pervert to Mr and Mrs. Sharp. Was that really so much to ask?
"...and she told me that Lincoln had gone to the park. So I managed to wrangle you back inside the van, and then you finally stopped screaming. And here we are."
"Right." Luna murmured, looking around. "Here in this...wait, is this Chunk's van?"
"Yep."
"I hate to repeat myself, but—"
"I borrowed it." Sam chirped, cheerfully.
"Borrowed. This van. From Chester Monk." Luna asked, slowly, the words sounding alien on her tongue.
"History is written by the winners." Sam replied flippantly. "There will come a day when we remember this incident as the time I 'borrowed' his van."
"Right." Luna sighed. "Should I even bother pointing out that you don't have a license?"
"I have a learner's permit!" Sam protested, looking hurt.
It didn't phase Luna. "You do not have a learner's permit!" She growled, jabbing one accusing finger at the blonde girl.
Sam immediately dropped the act. "Fine." She admitted, rolling her eyes. "But I've played a lot of Total Turbo XXII with Lincoln, and the principle seems pretty much the same."
"We've really gotta buy Lincoln some better games." Grumbled Luna, sliding further down in her seat.
"Wanna see this cool trick Leni showed me?"
Lynn Loud stared at the wheezing, crumpled heap of human flesh at her feet, and tsked in mild disappointment.
"You know, little bro." She began, conversationally. "If we hung out more often, you'd be able to handle a light jog like this without breaking a sweat."
"Ten...miles..." Rasped the broken boy on the floor.
Lynn rolled her eyes. "I thought you'd appreciate the scenic route."
"Taste...death..."
"Fine, you baby." She grumbled, "I'll help you for this last bit." Lynn leaned down, wrapped one arm around Lincoln, and with a small, very unladylike grunt, slung her little brother over her shoulders.
"Be happy you have such a caring big sister." Lynn ordered, trying to keep her voice level in spite of her close proximity to Lincoln. His scent, the feel of his breath against her neck, they way his body heat intermingled with hers, it was as wonderful was it was embarrassing, and the dizzying array of sensations left the athlete quite flustered.
Fortunately, Lincoln was in no condition to notice her current state.
"Delete my browser history." He croaked, before finally going limp.
"I can only promise to try." Lynn chuckled to herself, as she resumed the last leg of their journey. "Lucy likes to keep tabs on what you're currently into."
Lynn unceremoniously dumped Lincoln onto a park bench. She nodded in satisfaction as the impact caused the boy to stir, feebly waving his arms and legs around like a turtle that had been knocked onto its back. Setting her pack down, she with drew two water bottles and opened one up.
"Drink." She ordered, splashing a little water on Lincoln's face to get his attention. The effect was almost instantaneous, Lincoln's eyes shot open, and glanced around frantically until they finally settled on the bottle on Lynn's hand. With a grunt that might have passed for a "thanks", he snatched the bottle from her hand and greedily began to gulp down the life nourishing liquid. Lynn smirked in bemusement, taking the opportunity to appreciate the way Lincoln's sweat, and now water-stained polo clung to his chest.
"Should have given little bro the opportunity to change into something a little more appropriate." She thought to herself. "Gonna have to get him something that breaths better."
She paused for a moment to consider this. "Also, something in white. Definitely white."
Deciding that she'd given Lincoln enough time to wallow in his own misery, she leaned over and slapped him on his leg. Hard enough to get his attention, but not hard enough to hurt.
"Alright, alright." She chuckled. "Stop milking it." Lincoln silently withdrew his legs and sat upright, making room for Lynn to sit down. Lynn took the implied invitation, and after a moment of deliberation, slid herself closer to the still wheezing boy.
"Feeling better?" She asked, gently nudging him with her elbow.
"S-sorry." He muttered, holding up his bottle to take another drink, but finding it empty. Lynn reached over and replaced his empty bottle, with her own, still mostly full bottle. Lincoln gave her a quick nod of thanks, and, much to her amusement, immediately resumed drowning himself. She was heartened by the fact that he didn't seem to care that she'd already drunk from the bottle.
"What are you apologizing for? She asked once his drinking had slowed enough that they could converse again.
"For this." He said, gesturing to his sweat-soaked body. Lynn took the invitation to look him over. She was more than happy to do so.
"People sweat, Linc." She replied, slightly confused. "Girls too, despite what Lori might tell you. Its nothing to feel bad about."
"Not that." He waved dismissively. "Though I would like you to sign an affidavit to that effect. I meant because you wanted to go running, and I couldnt cut it." He took a moment to fan himself with his hand. "It can't have been very fun to have had to look after me the entire time."
The fact that Lincoln was essentially apologizing for being himself was so ridiculous that Lynn almost burst out laughing. But the hangdog expression on the boy's face indicated that he was being 100% serious. Alright, this was going to require a delicate touch.
"Don't be dumb, Linc." She scoffed, slapping him on the back.
Smack!
Lynn winced, immediately regretting it, she hadn't intended to hit him that hard. She opened her mouth, intending to apologize, when she noticed that Lincoln hadn't reacted in the slightest. This was...strange. She loved her little brother (on multiple levels), but the sole male Loud sibling was a pasty, comic-book reading dork who bruised if you gave him a stern look.
Lynn discretely withdrew her hand from its place on Lincoln's back, and swatted at the air experimentally. First Lori destroyed her at arm wrestling, and now Lincoln was no-selling her smacks, unintentional though it may have been. From now on, every day is arm day until the universe goes back to normal, she vowed to herself before turning her attention back to her little brother. Hesitant to express her affection in her usual way, partially out of fear for Lincoln, but also out of fear that her arm would just, fall off or something, she instead opted to wrap her arms around Lincoln and pull him into a hug.
"Lincoln." She began, fighting down the blush that was threatening to overtake her. "Do you really think I'd bring you of all people out here if I wanted to get a serious workout?" She flinched. Too harsh! She admonished herself.
Fortunately, Lincoln took the jibe in good humor, chuckling softly. "I guess not." He admitted, scratching the back his head in embarrassment. It made him look adorable.
"I invited you along because I wanted to hang out with you, ya dope!" She grumbled, giving him a squeeze. "Feels like you've been avoiding me lately."
Lincoln made to straighten up, but Lynn refused to loosen her grip on him, forcing the boy to shimmy around so he could look at her properly. It ended up leaving his face precariously close to hers. Lynn immediately felt a familiar heat begin to work its way up into her face.
"I'm not avoiding you Lynn." He protested. "Honest. I've just been...uh...busy."
"Not too busy to hang out with Lori or Leni." She grumbled, turning away from him. "Or Luan, who also seems to have joined your little club."
She started in surprise as she felt Lincoln cup her face with his hand, and gently, but firmly turn her head back to look at him. He was staring at her very intently now. It felt...nice...
"I mean it, Lynn. I'd never avoid you like that." He said softly, slowly sliding his hand down Lynn's face. Lynn fought back the urge to purr, grabbing Lincoln's hand with one of her own, and forcing it back against her cheek.
"Then what is it that you guys do together?" She demanded, perhaps a bit more forcefully than she'd intended. But now the floodgates were opened, and the tide of emotions were gushing out. "It's bad enough that they're always hanging around in your room, even when you aren't there—"
"Wait, what?" Lincoln asked blinking in surprise.
"—And that they always throw a fit when I want to spend some time with you." She continued, as if he hadn't said anything. She refused to be the one who had to try and explain that little bit of weirdness. "But sometimes you all just disappear! Without telling anyone where you're going!"
Lynn shoved Lincoln away, feeling a rant coming on. "And you know its dangerous out there! There's...drugs, and guns, a-and those weird giant women who keep showing up and smashing up the city!"
"One of those things is not like the other." Lincoln observed, dryly.
Lynn smacked him again, this time refusing to feel bad about it. Lincoln took it in stride. Again. That was starting to get a little irritating.
"I just...worry about you, Linc." She said at last, her shoulders drooping as a wave of exhaustion washed over her. "I'm your big sister. I'm supposed to protect you."
Lynn felt a brief stab of panic, worried that she might have said too much. But then she felt Lincoln's arms encircle her waist and pull her close, and it became difficult to refrain from leaping on the poor boy. Instead, she leaned against him, laying her head atop Lincoln's chest, hoping he couldn't see the giant grin on her face.
"You know..." He said, after a time. "They're my big sisters too."
"Nope." She murmured, shaking her head. "The day you were born was the day I became a big sister. That means you're my little brother. And I'm more your big sister than any of them. Your biggest sister!"
Lincoln snorted, seemingly amused by this.
"Don't laugh." Lynn growled. "I'm being serious."
"You're being adorable." Lincoln retorted, chuckling. Lynn clamped her mouth shut, uncertain as to how she should respond.
CRASH!
And just like that, she and Lincoln had more important things to worry about.
"Excuse me!"
Maggie's bloodshot eyes snapped open, and she immediately began frantically looking around. She knew that voice. Where did she go this time...?
There was a gentle prodding against her side. "Over there." Fiona grunted, her voice coarse. Maggie looked in the direction the older girl was indicating, and unsurprisingly, she found exactly what she was looking for...
"Give me your small child! He might have what I need!"
A terrified little boy, hiding behind his irate mother as a tall, well-built woman in yellow harangued the pair.
"Same as before?" Maggie asked, sighing.
"Yep." Fiona affirmed as she staggered forward. "I'll go high, you go low."
The girls grunted in unison, and with a bit of concentrated effort, managed to shove the construct onto a nearby bench they had commandeered for exactly that purpose. Naturally, she immediately attempted to stand back up, but Fiona and Maggie, old hands at this by now, slid into place in front of her, blocking her ascent.
"Sit. Down." Fiona growled, her eyes flashing with barely restrained fury. Much to Maggie's relief, the other girl complied, albeit petulantly.
"I must complete my mission!" She protested. Her eyes widened as her attention turned to something beyond the two-girl front before her, but before she could react any further, Maggie and Fiona were already upon her, pinning her to the bench until she stopped struggling. The pair released her once more, and she stared back. Petulant, but not resisting.
"Did he have to make her so strong?" Fiona asked, wearily, not taking her eyes off the irate minion.
"Mr. Darkness said she was made for fighting." Maggie replied, equally exhausted. "So yeah. I guess."
This had been their morning so far. Darkness' plan hadn't seemed like the worse idea in the world. The company's new flagship product was, in effect, a Lincoln-detector, albeit one that was needlessly sexy in nature. Maggie's gaze landed onto the minion's vast expanse of cleavage that was prominently on display, and frowned as she quickly glanced down at her own considerable endowments. For the second time in her life, she found herself feeling strangely self-conscious. There had to be a point where "big" transitioned into "too big", right? Lincoln liked her. He'd very nearly said as much! Kind of! That meant he had to be happy with her boobs, right? Right?
Maggie shook her head, trying to get her thoughts back on track. And definitely away from the image of the brunette boob-monster she'd tried and failed to rescue Lincoln from only a few days prior, now insidiously bubbling up from her subconscious. Focus! She ordered herself, trying to ignore just how tightly her fists clenched as the other girl's mocking smile briefly blinked into her memory.
So the plan had been solid enough on paper. They'd escort their new minion around as she homed in on Lincoln. They already knew that two of his his sisters were occupied elsewhere, leaving Lincoln relatively unguarded. So it should be a simple matter to rescue him and take him back to Darkness Inc. for safe keeping. And then they'd celebrate over a delicious, home made spaghetti dinner. Ideally after Maggie learned to make spaghetti.
The problem...
"There's another one!" The yellow clad girl shrieked, trying to struggle to her feet.
"White hair!" Fiona growled, wrestling her back onto the bench. "He needs to have white hair! How can you be this terrible at the thing you were literally made for!"
...was that their new comrade had something of a hair trigger. She'd insisted that they were nearing proximity to the pale haired boy, but the further they went...
"That might be him!"
"That's a girl!"
...the more sporadic she got, necessitating that Maggie and Fiona chase her down and drag her away from terrified children and their confused and irate parents. It had been a very trying experience.
"Look!" Fiona spat, as she finally got the girl to calm down once more. "Thicc..." She sighed, shaking her head in disgust. "QT. I still can't believe that's the name they went with."
"Mr. Darkness said it tested well." Said Maggie, shrugging.
"Of course it did!" Fiona gestured to the overly proportioned gal. "Just look at her! It doesn't change the fact that its ridiculous!"
"Focus, Fiona." Maggie replied, gently reprimanding the older girl.
"Fine. Whatever." Fiona rolled her eyes, before turning her attention back to the now fidgeting minion. "Look...QT." Another sigh. "You're making this thing way more complicated than it needs to be. And it's already stupid, so you're single-handedly making this stupid and complicated!"
"Small boy." QT recited, pointing.
"Yes!" Fiona roared, her patience clearly having been tested beyond its limit. "But we're looking for a very specific kid!"
QT considered this. "White hair?"
"Yes." Fiona hissed.
"Orange polo shirt?"
"Yes." Fiona repeated, twitching slightly.
"It makes him look dapper." Maggie interjected, blushing slightly.
Again, QT looked thoughtful. "Big teeth?"
"YE—" Fiona stopped herself, mid-shout, blinking in surprise. "—eeees? That sounds like the kid we're looking for." She took a deep breath. "Now, do you think you can find someone who meets all those qualities, instead of just running around and grabbing random kids?"
Wordlessly, QT pointed in the same direction. Maggie turned in the indicated direction, let out a small gasp, and frantically began to pat Fiona on her shoulder.
"Fiona!" Maggie hissed, patting the older girl more emphatically.
"What?!" Fiona growled, finally looking for herself. The older girl's mouth swung open in surprise.
"Small boy. White hair. Orange polo shirt. Big teeth." QT jabbed the air once more. "That subject meets all the requirements."
"Well I'll be damned." Fiona murmured softly.
Maggie nodded silently. Cute white hair, strong jawline, and those beautiful eyes...currently staring at another girl. That was definitely Lincoln...spending time with another girl. One who was not her. A slight throbbing in her hand drew Maggie's attention. Her fist, clenched so tightly that it was trembling. That was strange...
Fiona cleared her throat. "Alright...QT. It looks like you finally managed to perform your most basic function. Congrats."
"Thank you." The other girl nodded, accepting the compliment, such as it was. Then she began to climb to her feet once more.
"Woah, woah!" Fiona protested, gesturing for the minion to sit back down. "What are you doing?"
"We have located the target." QT replied, her tone very matter of fact. "Now I will retrieve him and complete the mission."
"I like that." Maggie opined. She discretely grabbed her still trembling fist with her free hand, and with a small grunt of exertion, wrenched her clenched fist open, letting out a small sigh of relief as blood began to circulate through the limb once more. "We should go do that. Right now."
"You want to go abduct a kid in public?" Fiona asked, gesturing around them. "In front of all these people?"
"Maybe QT could exercise some discretion?" Maggie replied, immediately regretting the words as she said them.
Fiona, seemingly aware of this, merely gestured at the scantily clad sex pot. As if to say, "Does this girl look like she knows the meaning of discretion?"
"Small boy." QT added, helpfully.
Maggie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Alright." She conceded. "That might be slightly impossible. So what should we do then?"
"Nothing. The plan's a bust." Fiona retorted, rolling her eyes. "Even Darkness didn't wanted to get this done on the downlow. We try to snatch that kid now, and things are going to get really loud, really fast. No pun intended."
Maggie glared at the brunette girl currently occupying Lincoln's attention. She wanted to protest, to go over there and zap the girl in her stupid face. But Fiona's logic was unassailable.
"Fine." She conceded at last, unable and unwilling to hide her disappointment. "So we just bail?"
"Bingo." Fiona nodded, before turning to the third member of their group. "Alright, QT, we're calling it..." She trailed off as the yellow clad girl rose to her feet, and gently but firmly pushed Fiona out of her way.
"I need that boy." QT stated, her face and tone completely serious. "I will not abandon my mission." She paused to consider the pair. "And as you are, I don't think either of you are in any condition to stop me."
Maggie glanced at Fiona, heartened somewhat to see the older girl doing the same. Considerably less heartened to see naked panic in the older girl's eyes, which reflected exactly what she was currently feeling.
"Do...uh, do you think we can take her?" Fiona asked, worriedly.
Maggie raised her arms and wiggled them experimentally. They looked about as noodley as they felt. "I don't think so."
Then a lightbulb went off in Maggie's head. "Fiona!" She hissed. "You've got that dark seed! Use it!"
Fiona's eyes lit up with recognition, and she reached for her pocket, fumbling for a few moments before withdrawing the seed.
"Ha!" She crowed, holding up the dark seed triumphantly. "Good call Maggie. Not the neatest getaway, but I'll just pop this thing, and we'll be out of here before you can say—"
"Auxiliary power source detected." QT intoned, locking her eyes on the small black object. She opened her mouth wide and began to inhale, confusing Maggie initially. But that confusion quickly turned to terror as the dark seed was quickly sucked out of Fiona's outstretched hand and into QT's waiting maw.
"Fiona?" Maggie asked as the minion bit down on the seed with a very satisfying crunch. The effect was instantaneous. QT began to tremble as black lightning began to crackle across her body. A thick, dark miasma began to form around the girl, quickly obscuring her from sight.
"I think we should leave." Fiona opined, gulping loudly. "Now!"
Lynn jumped in surprise as a loud crashing noise interrupted her intimate moment with Lincoln. She turned in the direction of the sound, fully intending on delivering a very angry reprimand to whoever had the audacity to interrupt her alone time with her little brother. It was...a foot. A very, very large...foot. Lynn's gaze traveled upward, past a pair of ridiculously shapely legs, past a yellow mini-dress that was way too short to be wearing from this vantage (she absentmindedly reached over and firmly clamped her hand over Lincoln's eyes, ignoring the boy's sputtered protests), catching very briefly upon a pair of breasts that utterly ridiculous, even relative to the size of the individual, and finally up to...the face of a very angry, very large woman. Lynn took a moment to sigh to herself. Another goddamn giant woman. Of all the days to happen, it had to happen on her day with Lincoln.
"I WILL TAKE THE SMALL BOY!" She thundered, reaching down, one massive hand outstretched. It took Lynn a few seconds longer than it should have for her to realize that the enormous appendage was coming straight at them.
With a grunt of exertion, the sporty Loud hoisted Lincoln over her head, and leapt from the bench they were sitting on.
"Lynn!" Lincoln protested as they sailed through the air. If any further complaint was to come, it was swiftly interrupted by the pair hitting the ground, causing them to roll a short distance away. "And not a second too soon." Lynn thought to herself as they rolled to a stop, seeing the giant hand complete its descent and smash the bench, as well as the area immediately around it into pieces.
Lynn turned her attention back to Lincoln, reddening as she realized that he'd ended up laying directly atop her. He looked worried, and that was distracting, because Lincoln looked adorable when he was worried. Shame she couldn't take the time to appreciate it.
"L-linc!" She stammered, trying to focus. "We gotta go! Now!"
The boy hesitated, not removing himself from his spot on top of her. In other circumstances, Lynn would have been thrilled.
"Lincoln!" She shouted, snapping her fingers in the boy's face.
"S-sorry Lynn." He said, gulping nervously. "But...please don't hate me for this!"
Lynn's face scrunched up in confusion. "Hate you for—" She didn't get to finish, as Lincoln lowered his face, and pressed his lips against hers. A thousand different things ran through Lynn's mind in that instant. Surprise at Lincoln's boldness. Delight that, although this was very much not the opportune time to do this, her little bro seemingly reciprocated her feelings. And complete and utter confusion...she took a second to moan in delight as Lincoln's tongue danced around her own, gently teasing the muscle with cute little pokes and prods. Ahem, confusion at how her sweet, innocent little brother was weirdly good at this, not to mention—
Lynn's train of thought was once again interrupted as her world exploded into a bright flash of blinding red light.
Lynn blinked rapidly as vision slowly returned to her eyes, her brain rapidly trying to catch up with the last few moments. She'd been on the ground, happily making out with Lincoln, and now she was on her feet again, her little brother's comforting body heat suddenly, and distressingly absent. And before that, they'd been trying to escape—
"RAAAAARGH!"
Lynn's head jerked in the direction of the sudden noise. Right, they'd been trying to get away from the giant monster lady. The giant monster lady who was rushing straight at her. The giant...monster lady...who was suddenly looking much more reasonably sized...
Lynn's instincts kicked in and she settled into a low crouch, eyeing the rapidly disappearing distance between her and her opponent with a practiced eye, counting off the passing seconds in her head. Three...two...and...there!
As soon as the woman rampaged herself into range, Lynn pushed herself off the ground and into the air, twirling in place as she did so to build up momentum, and then lashing out with her foot the instant she completed her rotation. It was flawless, if she did say so herself. A textbook example of Lynn Loud's Flying Loudhouse Kick, patent pending. The woman, charging heedlessly forward, had quite literally walked right into it. Lynn's foot impacted against the yellow-clad woman's face, and sent her flying backwards.
"Woah." Lynn murmured to herself, eyes wide with shock. She'd never hit anyone that hard before...
"Nice job, Lynn!" Came a tiny, familiar voice. She glanced around trying to find the source, noting that the surrounding area looked very much like the park she had just been at with Lincoln. But scaled down. A lot.
"Over here!" Lynn realized that the voice was coming from her...shoulder?
And there, perched just to the side of her head, was her little brother. Very literally so.
"Lincoln?" She gasped, goggling at her now toy sized sibling.
The pale haired boy, laughed nervously. "W-well, Lynn." He stammered. "You said you wanted to be my big sister. Right?"