Disclaimer: Everything belongs to The Marvel Universe except for my characters Sophie and Jeremy and any other SOs that become introduced – they are my own creations and are not meant to resemble anyone else's OCs in any way.

A/N: Oh boy, not many reviews for the last chapter. I really hope you all didn't run for the hills and leave this story behind! I think this chapter is much better than the last and I hope you all enjoy it. Please leave a comment and let me know!

Chapter 21: Choices

Why?

This was a question Bucky had been asking himself relentlessly, even after several months of dating now. Rose was everything he thought he'd wanted. Everything people told him he needed. If he wrote down attributes to his perfect girlfriend, she'd check off nearly every one. So why did he continue to have this sinking feeling like there was something missing? Something was always missing. And to make matters worse, things between him and Sophie hadn't gone back to normal like he thought they would with time. There was something broken between them and he didn't know how to fix it.

"AAACHHOOO!"

Bucky sighed at the noise from the bedroom.

"Alpine!" He called over his shoulder.

The white cat came slinking out of the bedroom and sauntered up to him. She purred and rubbed against his legs. Leaning down, he scooped her up and hugged her against his chest, fingers running lazily through her thick fur.

"You know you're not supposed to be in there right now," Bucky murmured to her.

She looked up at him with her large, blue eyes and let out a murr. He sighed again.

"I thought you said you were going to keep her out of the bedroom?" A soft voice sounded from the doorway.

Bucky turned and eyed Rose. She was dressed in nothing but one of his henleys, the material so large on her small frame it might as well have been a dress. But the sight of it did nothing for him right now. He turned away from her, gaze drawing out his window. He could feel the darkness and depression clutching at him deep inside, only serving to frustrate him more as the hollowness expanded. His fingers continued to move through the soft fur, trying desperately to ground himself. It had been a while since he'd last felt so wretched.

Why?

"I'm trying to. But I can't watch her every Goddamn minute."

The response came out quiet, but sharp. Silence. He looked back over his shoulder warily. She continued to stand where she was, a small frown on her face. Another sigh pushed through his lips and his shoulders slumped. Setting Alpine down, he got to his feet and slowly walked over to Rose.

"I'm sorry," he said gently as his hands landed on her waist. "But…can't you take some allergy meds or something?"

Her jaw tightened and she twisted out of his grasp.

"You know how I feel about taking medication. And you want me to get hopped up on them?"

He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation.

"I'm talking about allergy meds here, not narcotics."

"Might as well be the same thing to me. Besides, most of those make me so drowsy I can hardly function. Is that what you want? For me to be too tired and sleepy for…anything?"

She looked up at him through her lashes. Bucky's head tilted and he gazed back at her dejectedly. He wanted this to work. He wanted it to work so badly. He just couldn't let one more relationship fail. Wasn't he entitled to just a tiny sliver of happiness, after all?

"I already clean this place constantly and try to keep her out of the bedroom. What else would you have me do?" he nearly whispered.

Rose's eyes darted over to the feline curled up on the arm of the couch, now snoozing quietly. They slowly slid back over to Bucky's endlessly blue ones. She looked up at him with wide Bambi eyes. His stomach twisted. Shoulders curving inward slightly, he felt himself crumbling. Felt another piece of himself chipping away.

…

A knock sounded on the front door. Sophie's head jerked up from the book she'd been reading on the couch. Setting it aside, she stood and walked towards the sound. Shock reverberated through her at the sight of Bucky through the peephole.

"It's me Soph. Open up," he called quietly.

She unlocked the door and swung it open.

"Hey. What are you doing here? Everything ok?"

"Can I come in?"

She stepped aside, for the first time noticing the small duffle bag and cat carrier he had with him.

"Are you being called away for an extended mission I didn't know about? Do I need to take Alpine?"

The cat meowed at the sound of her name, shuffling restlessly in the small crate.

"No," he responded flatly.

Closing the door behind him, they walked further into the apartment. He set the duffle on the floor, followed by the carrier. Then, opening it up, Bucky pulled Alpine out and held her closely. Sophie had a sinking feeling in her stomach as she watched them.

"Bucky," she started cautiously. "What's going on?"

But he couldn't meet her eye. He just stood there, clutching the cat like a lifeline.

"I need," he cleared his throat. "I need you to take her."

"Sure. For how long?"

At long last, he dragged his gaze up to meet hers.

"Permanently."

Sophie froze.

"Why? What's happened?" She whispered, trying to keep the panic at bay.

He swallowed hard.

"Rose is allergic. And it's causing all sorts of problems. I've tried keeping my place clean and the bedroom cat free…but…"

Her heart lurched into there throat, the implication of keeping Alpine out of the bedroom like a stone settling deep within her.

"Well…why don't you just stay at her place?"

"Because her place is tiny. I can hardly move around there and we're constantly on top of each other," he snapped.

"My place is tiny too…you've never complained," she responded softly.

Bucky glared at her. They remained silent for several moments until Alpine broke the spell. She mewled out a complaint at how tight Bucky had been gripping her and began to wiggle. He sighed, looking away, then loosened his hold.

"Sophie, I'm trying. I'm really trying here," he whispered.

"What do you want me to tell you, Bucky?"

His head slowly turned back to her, a tortured expression twisting his features. There was a look in his eyes, almost like a plea. But she wasn't sure what he was asking of her.

I'm trying to move on.

"I don't know how to do these things. But I'm trying. I'm trying to be happy. And Rose needs this."

"But it's Alpine," she whispered back, feeling the slight sting of tears behind her eyes.

He swallowed hard. Chip. Another bit fell away. Sophie watched his Adam's apple bob up and down several times and she briefly wondered if he might cry himself.

"I know," he breathed, stroking the cat's white fur. "But she's always been half yours. She spends just as much time with you as she does with me. And I know…"

His voice broke and he took a moment before continuing.

"I know she'll be loved and taken care of. And it's not like I won't be able to see her all the time."

But somehow they both knew that wouldn't be the case. This wasn't the Bucky that she knew. This wasn't her Bucky. He'd never give up Alpine. What was Rose doing to him?

"Are you that desperate for a girlfriend?"

She didn't mean for the words to come out the way that they did, but it was a slap to his face nonetheless. They stared at each other silently, hardly breathing. Bucky's eyes slowly lowered to the ground.

"Sophie…Please. Please try to understand. It's always been like this, ever since the war. I'm just destined to always have to give up pieces of myself. Maybe, after everything that I've done, this is all that I deserve," he gave his head a small shake before continuing. "If I have to make sacrifices to have some semblance of happiness, of love…well, I'm used to sacrifice."

Sophie's chest tightened, her heart shattering for her best friend, for the man she loved.

"It doesn't have to be like this, James," she murmured. "You can find someone who doesn't require you to sacrifice anything. Someone who doesn't take pieces of you. Someone who you can be whole with."

For the first time ever, he flinched at her use of his given name. It did not go unnoticed.

I did. The only problem is, she didn't want me like that.

He stared at her with the most forlorn gaze she'd ever seen. He was cracking open, bleeding out in front of her, and there was nothing she could do to fix it. Not this time. He wouldn't let her.

"Are you going to take her or not?" He asked quietly.

A silent heartbeat passed. And then another.

"Of course I will."

He buried his face into Alpine's soft fur, nuzzling her and giving her one last kiss before handing her over. Bucky swallowed hard again, body already halfway turned towards the door.

"Thanks Soph."

She didn't bother to reply. When he realized that no response would come, he turned his back fully and left. The sob that she'd been holding back wracked through her body. Alpine murred at her, nose gently bumping against her cheek.

"I know girl," she whispered. "I miss him too."

…

(Deep End - Ruelle)

He stared at the dark ceiling, unable to sleep for the fifth night in a row. There was a tightness in his chest, twisting and turning into something ugly. The hollowness was beginning to spread, growing larger and larger with each passing day. On the outside, he was his usual self. He had breakfast with Rose, he did his missions with a monotoned Sophie whispering in his ear, he boxed with Steve or sparred with Sam. But inside, Bucky was slowly dying all over again. It was an insidious thing, the depression. The way it always crept up slowly, little by little taking over. And once he took notice, he couldn't find it within himself to care. He briefly wondered if Dr. Young had caught on that something was wrong, despite his careful omissions. He should say something to him, speak up. He knew he should. But part of him didn't want to. That's always how this thing went. It felt like a fitting punishment for his sins, to continue suffering alone and in silence. His head turned towards his window at the soft sound of a chirp. Weak light filtered through the crack in the curtains. Dawn. Had he even slept at all that night? That single sliver called to him. It whispered of what he wanted, what he needed right now. He exhaled through his nose. He wouldn't dare think it. Not any more. His head twisted again and he turned back to the darkness.

…

Bucky ducked underneath Steve's punch but he wasn't paying enough attention, allowing the hard kick to land on his ribs. He flew back and fell onto the mat with a rush of air escaping his lungs.

"Shoot! Are you ok?" Steve jogged over and threw a hand down to help him up.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Bucky winced.

"Everything alright? You seem pretty distracted."

"I've just had a lot on my mind lately. I think I need to call it quits for today, my heart's just not into it."

"Yeah…ok."

The two friends walked to the edge of the mat and picked up their water bottles off the floor. They stood in companionable silence, gulping down the cold liquid, when the gym door flew open and Sam came striding in.

"You're both here! Good."

"What's up Sam?" Steve asked curiously.

"I have news," he beamed, looking about ready to burst at the seams.

"Go on," Bucky encouraged cautiously.

"We've figured out Moretti's real name. And his grandfather's connection with Zola."

The plastic crunched in Bucky's hand and he was pretty sure he'd stopped breathing.

"Tell me."

Two heads swiveled towards him. His eyes were dark and dangerous, body still as a statue.

"Tell me," demanded the Winter Soldier.

Sam glanced at Steve who hesitated only a moment before giving a slight nod.

"His real name is Aleksei Fennhoff. His grandfather was Johann Fennhoff. He was a Soviet spy, a psychiatrist, and a master of hypnosis. Apparently, when he was captured by…" Sam's gaze flickered over to Steve. "By Peggy and the SSR, he was jailed alongside Zola."

Bucky sucked in a breath through his nose.

"From the research we've been able to unearth so far, it looks like his hypnosis techniques were used to…"

He looked warily at Bucky.

"To what Sam?"

The question came out in a deadly whisper. Sam's jaw tightened and he swallowed hard.

"To brainwash people into doing whatever he commanded of them. For mind control."

His heart thudded violently in his chest. He rolled and stretched his neck, attempting to ease some of the tension that had settled in his shoulders. But there was nothing he could do to alleviate the sudden restlessness of his body. Every nerve fiber felt on edge and overexposed.

"Where is he?" Bucky hissed.

"That we don't know. He's still in the wind. But we'll find him."

Bucky exhaled, fidgeting on the spot. He rolled his neck again. It didn't help. The feeling of a caged animal trying to break free crept up his spine.

"Buck? Are you ok?" Steve asked gently.

"I have to go."

The response was tight and he'd stormed half way down the gym before Steve managed to catch up to him.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"You can't go looking for him alone Buck. You don't even know where to start."

"I've always been good at tracking."

"Bucky, you can't. Please, wait. Let us do some digging and —"

"I've waited long enough."

"Then I'm coming with you."

"Me too," Sam pipped up.

"Like hell you are," Bucky whipped around, growling at them both. "You'll just get in the way. I have a much better chance of finding him on my own. If you two come, he'll know we're onto him for sure. I can be a ghost. You both know I'm right."

"I can't let you do this," Steve dug in.

Bucky stared at his childhood friend for a moment, as if considering his words.

"I'm not asking for permission."

The coldness stung them into silence. Bucky was out the door before they could recover.

…

His steps down the sidewalk were fast and hard, feet pounding the pavement as his long legs ate up the distance to his bike. Revving the engine, he sped into traffic like he was the only motorist on the road.

I need to get home and grab equipment. And weapons. Every weapon. And I need to take Alpine to Soph—

His brain momentarily short-circuited. It had been four weeks since he'd given up Alpine and the void her absence left hadn't grown any smaller. None of it had become any easier. Sure, Rose stayed over practically every night now. They saw so much of each other that he'd asked her to move in with him once her current lease expired. And there were no more arguments about cat hair. There were practically no arguments about anything, really. It seemed like since he'd taken Alpine to Sophie, she'd doubled down on her efforts to make him happy. That should have satisfied him. That should have been enough. But he couldn't shake the numbness. Not anymore.

Bucky let himself into his apartment, tossing his phone onto the kitchen counter as he stalked past. He briefly wondered when he'd let things start to spiral. Was it when he started dating Rose? Or before that even? Was it when he and Sophie began their crazy dating race? He'd thrown his go bag onto his bed and he stood now, staring at it with unseeing eyes.

Or maybe it was when you'd said 'yes' that first time…

His heart panged with something akin to regret. Lips curving down into a frown, he closed his eyes and tried to breathe. But the pain wouldn't ease. He willed himself to be numb again. Eyes opening, he bent down and picked up a pair of holsters. But as Bucky straightened and took the single step towards his bed, he faltered, stumbling sideways. Hand shooting out, he caught himself on the bed. His brows furrowed and he shook his head, confused about what had just transpired. Then he felt it, a tingle at the base of his skull, the watering of his eyes, the slight sting of a light that shouldn't feel so bright. He tossed the guns into his bag and ran shaky hands through his hair as a cold trickle of fear and dread slid down his back.

No. Not now. This can't be happening now.

Blinking furiously, he rubbed at his eyes as the small zigzag appeared in the periphery of his vision. He knew he wouldn't be able to clear it, but the reaction was instinctual. It moved across his vision, growing larger by the second. Panic began to fill his chest as his eyes scanned over every surface of the bedroom.

Where is my phone?!

"Where the fuck did I leave it?!" He mumbled to himself.

But the fear of what was to come had taken hold. He couldn't think straight. And then the headache hit. It started as a dull throb behind his eyes, intensifying rapidly.

"No. No," he begged the empty room.

Bucky began to frantically search, emptying his go bag, tossing things aside. But the phone was nowhere to be found. His mouth grew dry. Then excessively wet. He swallowed convulsively as the nausea roiled. But there was no use fighting it. He knew there was no use. Flying to the bathroom, he threw himself onto the floor, knees hitting the tile painfully hard. He pulled the seat up and leaned over it, retching horribly. Shaking hands reached up to grab some toilet paper so he could wipe his mouth. Barely able to open his eyes, he glanced over at the light switch, trying to decide if it would be worth moving to turn it off. Then, all of a sudden, he heard the lock click and the front door open. Relief swelled up in him.

Sophie. His addled mind thought.

But the illusion was shattered moments later when the voice that rang out most definitely belonged to someone else entirely. Rose.

"What are you doing on the floor? And what the hell happened to your room?"

Bucky looked up at her, eyes streaming. He opened his mouth to say something but only vomit came out. He managed to turn just in time for the porcelain bowl to catch everything. Rose's nose wrinkled in distaste.

"Ew. Did you have too much to drink or are you sick?"

"M-migraine," Bucky gasped.

"Migraine?" She responded in disbelief.

"Light. Off," he managed to mumble.

"What? I'm not going to stand here talking to you in the dark, that's ridiculous. James. Are you seriously telling me that you're this incapacitated over…over a headache?"

He looked over at her, swaying on the spot. A tortured moan escaped his lips as the vertigo reared its ugly head and he shut his eyes. Draping his arms over the toilet, he rested his head on his forearms.

"Seriously?" She huffed as she watched him. "Bucky, I don't …I don't know what's gotten into you lately. But this is getting kind of ridiculous. Where is my big, macho Army man? Crying over cats? Moping around all the time? And now this?"

The dizziness grew as his skull cracked open. He was sure the world could see his brain. Sure that Zola was going to stick probes in there again at any moment. His body braced for the electric shocks to come. But the only thing that came was more vomit. Rose sighed from the doorway.

"Look, why don't you just take a Tylenol and sleep it off, ok? I'll call you tomorrow."

She turned to leave, Bucky's pleading voice stopping her in her tracks.

"Phone," he begged her. "Please…"

Her lips pursed and she disappeared from view. She reappeared a few minutes later with his phone and a bottle of water. Setting them down beside Bucky, she stood back up and left without another word. He slumped to the floor, pressing his forehead against the cold pedestal of the toilet and shielding his eyes from the light as best as he could. His head throbbed miserably, his heart throbbed just the same. He tried to think through the fog, tried to make his fingers work. Cracking an eye, he navigated to his Favorites list on his phone. His thumb hovered over Sophie's name. Despite the tension between them, despite hardly talking lately, he knew she'd come if he called. But he couldn't do it. His finger hit Steve's name instead.

…

It took two days, a visit from Dr. Oppenheimer, multiple medications, an IV, and rotating stays by Steve and Sam before Bucky was finally able to function reasonably well on his own. He'd hardly spoken to Rose in that time. A few texts here and there were all that they'd exchanged. Steve kept giving him looks. He'd attempted to broach the subject multiple times, but Bucky had shut him down. When at long last Bucky was alone again, he sat on the edge of his bed and stared at his phone. He'd had multiple messages from Sophie but hadn't been in the right state of mind to reply to any of them.

Sophie: Sam called me. Are you ok? Do you need me to come over? I'm in an Eye meeting but I can tell them it's an emergency.

Several hours later:

Sophie: I know Sam and Steve are rotating but I'm here if you need me. I can bring Alpine by and spend the night. Just let me know.

Then almost immediately after:

Sophie: I'm sorry. That was dumb of me. I'm sure Rose is there overnight. Just ignore me.

Sophie: But seriously, let me know if you need anything.

The next day:

Sophie: I know I'm probably being annoying by now…but I'm worried. Please let me know you're ok.

Yesterday evening:

Sophie: I talked to Steve. I'm glad you're doing alright.

He looked at her last message for a long while.

Fuck.

Bucky wanted to respond, but he wasn't sure what to say anymore. And the stark contrast between her texts and how things had gone down with Rose was jarring. He let out a bone-weary sigh, shoulders drooping.

I don't deserve her. He thought miserably. Not in any capacity.

Bucky: I'm sorry I worried you. I would have responded sooner…but you know how those migraines hit me.

Bucky: All good now.

He rubbed a hand up and down his face, thinking hard about what he wanted to say to Rose. She'd texted an hour ago and should be here any minute now. And right on cue, he heard his front door open. Pushing off the bed, he came to a standing position, wobbling slightly. His body felt weak. He hated feeling weak. Rose leaned against the doorjamb and surveyed the mess in his room. Various tissues and napkins lay scattered on the floor. Alongside them were wrappers from medical equipment, needle caps, medication bottles. Empty water cups covered his nightstand. A vomit bowl, recently cleaned, lay near his pillow. Steve had tried to help clean some of it up but Bucky had made him go. He'd done enough. He didn't need to be his nurse and his maid.

"Jesus. You didn't tell me it was this bad."

"You saw me throwing up."

"It was just a migraine."

His tired gaze lifted up to meet hers.

"They're not just migraines for me!"

His voice rose momentarily before he deflated again.

"You have no idea…no idea what was done to me," he breathed out. "How my brain was basically put in a blender and then baked back together. They're not just migraines. They're the result of years of excruciating torture."

She winced.

"You never told me," Rose whispered.

"You never asked."

"I didn't think you wanted to talk about it."

He remained silent. She wasn't wrong.

"It's hard for me. But I'll tell you…if you want."

The inhale from Rose was audible. Her face turned away from him slightly, eyes still trained on his. Bucky noted the slight downtick of her mouth. She didn't want to hear it, but she didn't want to admit to that either. He let out a breath.

"Another time then."

She uncrossed her arms and sighed.

"Go relax. I'll clean all of this up."

"You don't have to."

"I know."

Bucky did as he was told, lowering himself down onto the bed and closing his eyes. He thought he should feel better now, but somehow, he didn't. The soft sounds of Rose cleaning around him began to lull him back to sleep. The sensation was a welcome one, pulling him under. Until his last shred of consciousness managed to conjure Sophie perched beside him, gentle fingers running soothingly through his hair. Then he dreamed.

…

The days eked by slowly. Bucky had relented at last and allowed the Avengers team members to do their jobs in terms of scouting and searching for Fennhoff. He continued to take whatever other missions were thrown at him, forced to listen to Sophie's soft voice whisper in his ear. Where it was once animated and lively, it had steadily grown more weary and flat by the day. He'd tried to talk to her about it, but she had only waved him off, dismissing his concern. But he knew better. He knew her better.

And then there was Rose. His mind and heart seemed to be in a constant battle, waging an endless war, one whispering to let her go, the other determined to make it work no matter what. Bucky had tried to brush off the migraine incident, convincing himself that her ignorance was enough of an excuse. And although she seemed to be more mindful of his struggles thereafter, they never revisited his trauma, never delved into what had been done to him. Where he had once been relieved that she hadn't pried, he suddenly found himself desperately wanting to share this part of himself with her. Whether or not it was to educate her for his own benefit, or to test her reaction, he wasn't quite sure. Either way, the opportunity to divulge his darkest secrets hadn't come along again.

Bucky stood from the floor where he'd been cleaning his weapons and stretched. A jaw-cracking yawn escaping him.

"Oh no you don't. You promised we'd go out tonight."

He looked down to the couch where Rose was sitting, playing on her phone, and grimaced.

"Do we have to?"

"James," she whined. "All you've been wanting to do lately is just sit around at home. I want to go out."

"That's because I'm exhausted. Between missions and training I've hardly had time to just be."

"You promised," she pouted. "One night. Please?"

He sighed dramatically.

"Ok, ok. Just don't look at me like that."

Bending down, he pressed a kiss to her lips.

"Let me take a shower to wake up and we can go wherever you want. As long as we end the night at Murray's."

She rolled her eyes.

"Still not sure why you love that dingy little place."

"Because it's my dingy little place. Mine and Steve's and…"

His gaze dropped down, arms still on either side of Rose's head, caging her in.

"And Sophie's?" She finished softly for him.

"And Sophie's."

"I've noticed you guys have been talking a lot again lately."

Her voice was light but he could feel her agitation. Bucky straightened up, giving her an indifferent shrug.

"Things have been…strained lately. There's something going on with her but she won't talk to me."

He fell heavily to the couch beside her feet. And then, his voice grew sad and wistful, "Not like she used to. She used to tell me everything."

They were silent for several moments.

"I've been trying to talk to her more, hoping she'll open up to me. And every time I feel like I'm right on the verge, like she's about to divulge whatever it is…she just shuts down. It's maddening."

"People grow apart sometimes. It happens."

"I didn't think it'd ever happen to us."

"Maybe she just can't handle seeing you happy with someone while she's still so miserably alone."

Bucky looked up at Rose in shock, disbelief coloring his features. Despite the cruelness of her words, they echoed a sentiment that had crossed his mind before. And yet, hearing her utter them infuriated him.

"You don't know Sophie like I do," he growled at her as he stood from the couch. "Don't ever talk about her like that again."

Then he stormed into the shower.

…

Sophie sat at the bar, glancing at the clock for the millionth time. The air rushed out through her nose in a defeated sigh. It was official. She had been stood up. Her eyes drifted sadly to the bartender who gave her a pained and sympathetic smile before walking over to her.

"What'll it be Sophie? You going to stay and have a bite or head on home?"

She sighed again.

"I don't know Andrew. I might just leave. I'm feeling way too depressed and pathetic at the moment."

"You should probably eat something first, honestly. You've had two beers on a an empty stomach and you'll regret it if you don't. C'mon, on the house. Because you really are looking pathetic right now."

"You know what? One of these days, you're not going to be 23 anymore. And you're going to find yourself sitting alone at your local bar having just been stood up. And you're going to think about this night with regret for what you just said to me," she pouted at him.

Andrew just laughed, then handed her a menu.

"I don't need the menu," she grumbled. "We've been here enough times that I have it memorized. I'll just have the chicken fingers and fries."

"Speaking of which. I haven't seen hide nor hair of either Steve or Bucky for a while now. Everything ok?"

"Yeah, just busy. Give me two fingers of Talisker too. Neat."

His brows shot up.

"Woah. Going for the heavy stuff? You sure that's a good idea?"

Sophie glared in response.

"Talisker it is."

He set the tumbler of scotch down in front of her, then went to put her dinner order in. When the food arrived at last, Sophie took her time picking at it. She let the amber liquid burn down her throat then expand out to warm her insides as she watched the crowd slowly filter in. Minute by minute Murray's slowly began to fill up until at last, there was standing room only. Finishing off her chicken fingers, she took a gulp of water, then called out to Andrew.

"I'm running to the restroom. Make sure no one steals my seat."

"Got it!"

Sophie slid off the stool and swayed slightly before finding her feet.

"Woah," she whispered to herself. "Maybe that scotch wasn't the best idea after all."

Taking her time, she walked over to the bathroom, steadying herself on occasion on the edge of a stool or table. When she reemerged, she returned to the bar and found her seat empty as promised. She picked at her fries as she took a moment to people watch. The cacophonous hum, the laughter, the energy around her was reinvigorating and Sophie felt her spirits rise somewhat. That was, until she spotted that sleek, black bob that she tried, and failed, not to resent. And right in front of her, stood Bucky. His back was to her and neither he nor Rose had noticed her yet. Her eyes darted to Andrew and she silently prayed that he wouldn't mention seeing her tonight.

But luck was not on her side. She watched as the young bartender wandered over to the couple and began chatting with them. Sophie held her breath. They seemed to be putting in drink orders. Andrew turned to the bar and began pouring and mixing. She released the air slowly, her brain crying out for oxygen. Just as she thought she was in the clear, all three heads turned towards her in unison. Her eyes locked with Bucky's and she watched them flare in surprise. Plastering a small smile on her face, she gave them a wave, then turned back to her quickly dwindling fries.

Don't come over here. Don't come over here. Please, please, please don't come over here.

A moment later, Bucky was leaning against the bar to her left, Rose hot on his heels.

"Hey Soph."

For some odd reason, she felt herself flush. She took another gulp of her water, wiped her hands on her napkin, and slowly turned towards him.

"Hey," she replied softly.

"What are you up to tonight?"

"Oh, you know. Just felt like coming out and getting a bite to eat. And a good scotch."

She stared pointedly at Bucky's own tumbler. A smooth and sexy grin stretched his lips. Sophie felt some tension ease from her shoulders. The familiarity and banter between them felt so good. So easy. Her gaze lifted back up to his and for a split second she was swallowed up by the intensity of his gaze. She opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by Rose.

"By yourself?" She asked with wide, innocent eyes as she sipped whatever vile concoction she'd ordered.

But Sophie could see through the facade. The smirk she was trying to bite back was a dead giveaway. Nevertheless, heat immediately ran up her neck, filling her face and covering her ears.

"I…was supposed to have a date," she said with a small shrug, then turned back to her fries.

"Supposed to?" Bucky's brows furrowed.

Sophie sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. Then she looked at him sidelong.

"I was stood up," she admitted at last.

"Ooohhh," Rose pouted dramatically. "That's awful. And you went through so much trouble getting all dressed up too, huh?"

Once more, the question seemed innocuous enough, but the way her green eyes slid up and down Sophie's body, the way her nose wrinkled slightly, showed that she found her clothing choices to be lacking. Sophie sucked in a steadying breath and turned away.

"Damn fucker," Bucky mumbled. "I'm sorry Soph, that really sucks."

She gave an indifferent shrug, then turned away from them once more. Rose carefully watched the two interact, and she didn't like what she saw. She never did. So when Bucky looked like he was about to pull Sophie into an embrace, she stepped directly in between them.

"James, baby, can you get me a different drink? This one tastes awful."

He blinked down at her, a twinge of annoyance skirting over his face before disappearing. Looking over his shoulder he took note of Andrew on the other side of the bar. The poor guy looked swamped. Rose put her hand on his forearm.

"Please baby?"

Bucky sighed.

"Yeah, ok. It might take a minute though."

Rose shrugged.

"I can wait. No biggie."

Bucky nodded and pushed away from the counter.

"A cosmo please."

He gave Sophie an apologetic look.

"I'll be right back."

The two women watched his retreating form until Rose finally sidled up and took the newly vacated spot. She gulped at her drink a few times before setting it down. Eyes cold and calculating, she turned them on Sophie.

"Let him go."

"I'm sorry, what?"

Rose took in a breath, exhaling it forcefully through her nose.

"He's never going to fully commit to this relationship with you hanging around all the time."

"You asked for space last time, and I gave it to you both. And now you're asking me to, what, just not talk to him at all anymore?"

"Yes."

Sophie looked at her incredulously.

"He's constantly worrying about you and texting you. You're a daily topic of conversation. Why are you being weird? Why won't you open up to him? What could be the matter? Is she ok?"

"That's ridiculous. You're just jealous of our friendship because you're insecure in your own relationship with him."

"If you really loved him, you'd do this."

Sophie's mouth dropped open.

"Let him go and let him move on."

"What the hell are you talking about? Move on from what?"

"From that disgusting little fling the two of you had," Rose replied viciously.

Sophie was sure she'd stopped breathing. Her eyes opened wide in shock and she found herself speechless.

"Yes, he told me. Right before he asked me to move in with him."

Her heart was slowly cracking, cracking, cracking. With each word Rose spoke, the fissures spiderwebbed out a bit more.

"My lease expires in a few months. I'm not planning on renewing it. And he wanted to make sure that there were no secrets between us that could cause problems down the road. Because that's the kind of man that he is. And that's why he can't let you go. He looks at you and sees this helpless little thing that he needs to protect."

Crack.

"But the thing is, he doesn't love you back."

Crack.

"If he did, he would have done something about it a long time ago."

Crack.

"So if you really love him, which I think you do based on the way you look at him, you'll leave him alone. Let him move on and live his life happy and content — without you in it."

Crack.

Sophie swallowed convulsively, trying to figure out how to respond. What to say. But she came up short. It didn't matter anyway, Rose wasn't waiting for a reply. She gave Sophie one more pointed glare and spun on her heel. Picking her way through the crowd, she made it over to Bucky just as Andrew set her Cosmo in front of them.

…

Bucky looked over at Rose in surprise as she reached for her drink.

"Hey, where's Sophie?"

He looked over her head, brows drawn together in confusion.

"Oh, she wanted some space tonight. I think she's kind of embarrassed about being stood up."

Mouth tipping downwards in a frown, he glanced between Rose and Sophie.

"Then the last thing that she needs is to be alone."

Rose put a soothing hand on his bicep and squeezed gently.

"She asked to be alone James, respect that."

He let out a sigh, gaze returning to the woman in front of him.

"Yeah I guess you're right."

Turning back to the bar, he waved Andrew back over and ordered himself another scotch.

…

The blood was whooshing in her ears with alarming loudness. Her face felt hot and her breathing tight. Everything that Rose said to her, it was all a copy of some of her darkest thoughts these days. Bucky had asked her to move in with him. That was huge. She felt a panic starting to take hold as the cold reality of the situation began to set in. Bucky really didn't love her…but he loved Rose. This was it. There was no chance for them to ever be anything more than what they were. She had had an opportunity and she'd missed it. All this time, despite how much she'd tried to deny it, she'd been holding out hope that they would break up and she'd have her shot. And now it was all over. And it was her fault. She made eye contact with Andrew as he scurried over to her side of the bar at last.

"Another Talisker."

"What? Sophie…I don't think that's a good idea."

She glared at him and his mouth snapped shut.

"I'm fine Andrew. Give me another."

Frowning slightly, he did as she asked. She seemed sober enough, but he knew how much she usually drank. And she was getting well past that quota. She managed to strong-arm one more drink out of him after that before he refused her anymore. Grumbling her annoyance, she stumbled off her stool, ready to use the bathroom and head home. But the moment she turned, she slammed right into someone.

"Oh, sorry," she mumbled at the man.

The guy turned towards her, a leering gaze sweeping up and down her body. Sophie pulled a face, her lip curling in disgust.

"No problem baby. I can think of a few ways you can make up for it."

He turned towards her fully, hand reaching out and settling on her waist. Sophie's sneer deepened and she took a half step backwards. With a twinge of annoyance, she realized that her stool had already been occupied and she had nowhere else to move. The place was beyond packed. She turned back to the guy and swatted his hand off of her, but the movement sent her stumbling.

Shit. Maybe I did have too much to drink after all.

The man reached out and steadied her. But he didn't let go once she was upright.

"I'm not interested," she snapped at him.

"Aww come on baby. Doesn't look like you're here with anyone. Let's have some fun together."

He took a step closer, his body nearly pressing into hers as one hand remained on her upper arm and the other went back to her waist.

"Let me go," she seethed.

"I promise I can show you a real good time…" he grinned lewdly.

And then Sophie snapped. She'd had enough of tonight. Without giving it any thought, she reached up and slapped him across the face. He looked stunned for a moment as his hand reached up and gingerly touched his stinging cheek.

"What the fuck you, little bitch?!" he seethed.

A few eyes darted in their direction, but no one moved to step in. He grabbed her roughly by the upper arms and squeezed painfully.

"Hey, let her go. And get the hell out of here!"

Sophie's terrified eyes turned slightly towards the voice. Andrew. He was leaning over the bar that separated them looking angrier than she'd ever seen him.

"Fuck off kid. And mind your own business," the man snarled in response.

Andrew reared back. Most patrons, even when drunk, seemed to respect his status as the bartender if things ever got unpleasant. He looked over at Sophie's face, eyes wide with fear and made a quick decision. She watched in confusion as he darted to the other side of the bar, rather than reaching for the bat under the table. But her focus returned to the man as he shook her roughly, causing her head to snap back and forth. She felt nausea rise up from the jarring movement while the alcohol sloshed unpleasantly in her stomach.

…

A commotion from the other side of the bar caught his attention. He turned his head to find Sophie standing close — too close — to a man as he rubbed his cheek. It was already turning red as the shape of a handprint bloomed on his face. Bucky frowned, his keens eyes quickly assessing the situation. Rose continued to chatter in front of him, but he was no longer listening to what she was saying. Then the guy grabbed her. Eyes narrowing to dangerous slits, he took a step in their direction. But his movement was halted when Andrew stepped in. The tension eased from his shoulders a fraction as he'd seen Andrew throw out more than one drunkard before. But words were exchanged and still the man did not let go. Andrew began moving towards him just as the man shook Sophie violently. In a second, he was off. He shoved past whoever was in his way, eyes meeting Andrew's as he moved. They gave each other a curt nod as he nearly flew by. When he finally made it over to Sophie, the look of queasiness and terror on her face seized his heart. He reached over and grabbed the man's fingers, prying them off of Sophie one by one.

"Take your filthy hands off of her," he commanded in a deadly steady voice.

The man let go of her other arm, but Bucky continued to hold his fingers tight. Then he crunched them into guy's palm, bending his wrist backwards at an unnatural angle. He screamed. Every person who was between them and the door moved out of the way as Bucky shoved him backwards, using his hand to steer him. Guiding them out the door, he shoved hard until the man landed on his ass on the sidewalk. Then he calmly walked back inside to Sophie. She stood there, trembling, face sallow. For several moments, neither one of them said a word.

Bucky could feel the emotions rising up within him like the tide, each one vying to be front and center. Fear, protectiveness, sympathy, love, frustration, anger. In the end, the anger won out. The bitterness he'd been feeling seemed to just well up inside of him all at once. Anger over how things had turned out between them and how she seemed to be slowly pulling away, but he couldn't stop it. Rage for how stupidly drunk she'd let herself get. Fury for the depression that seemed to have taken such a hold that all he wanted to do was just sink in and let it consume him. And that despite the happiness that he so desperately wanted in his life, he couldn't help but feel like he just kept getting in his own way. Everything bubbled up to the surface and unfortunately, Sophie was the only one there for him to lash out on.

"What the hell has gotten into you?!"

He said it loudly enough that more than one head turned in their direction. Sophie startled.

"What were you thinking, drinking like that? Especially when you're here alone! And let me guess, you were just planning on walking home too?!"

Wide and alarmed eyes peered up at him. Bucky could see the embarrassment and remorse on her face. But he couldn't stop the words that flowed freely now.

"I'm not always going to be there Sophie! I can't always be right beside you, watching over and protecting you! That's not my job, damn it! It's not my job to be your crutch!"

His chest heaved with the exertion of his outburst. Sophie's lower lip wobbled while she looked up at him.

"I —"

And then she threw up. A good portion of the splatter landed directly on Bucky's shoes. Using the back of her hand, Sophie wiped her mouth and peaked up at him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Bucky sighed, his shoulders sagging as the fight suddenly left him. She looked so fragile standing before him, small and sad and covered in puke. He wanted nothing more than to grab her up and pull her against his chest. To hold her tight and run his fingers through her hair, telling her it was alright. Telling her he would take care of her and protect her. That he'd always be there for her. But he couldn't. Sophie swallowed hard, biting her lip and casting her eyes towards the floor. But not before he spotted the tears shinning within them. Reaching over to the bar, he grabbed a handful of napkins and wiped her face gently. Then he began cleaning his shoes just as Andrew came over to them. The bartender sighed at the sight.

"I'll clean it up," he told Bucky with resignation. "But it's time you took her home."

Bucky gave him a nod. Then with a gentle hand on her bicep, he guided Sophie outside.

"You two wait here, I'll go bring the car around."

Sophie jolted. She hadn't realized that Rose was there, standing quietly by their side. Humiliation consumed her as she realized the other woman had been a witness to the entire debacle. They stood together in silence now, waiting on Bucky, neither one acknowledging the other. When at last he pulled up before them, he strode over to their side and pulled open the two doors simultaneously. Rose slid into the front seat while he helped Sophie into the back. When everyone was seated and safely buckled, Bucky twisted around and handed her an empty bag.

"Here," he said softly. "Just in case."

Sophie winced but took it anyway.

"Thanks," she mumbled back.

As they pulled out into the still steady flow of traffic,Sophie chanced a glance towards the two people in the front seats. They murmured something to one another but she couldn't hear over the sounds of the city and the soft music playing in the background. She watched as Rose reached out. Turning her hand palm up, she laid it down on the armrest between them. Without taking his eyes off the road, Bucky took her proffered hand in his own, clasping it gently. Sophie's stomach turned as pain rippled in her chest. She turned away from them.

…

(The Scientist — Coldplay)

Bucky walked her up to her apartment door while Rose waited in the car. Gently taking the keys out of her shaking hands, he unlocked it and helped her inside. Alpine ran over immediately, begging for attention. Scooping her up in one arm, he guided Sophie into her bathroom where she closed the door while she did her business. When she emerged, she found him waiting for her on the bed. Steady hands ran through the cat's soft fur as he watched her carefully. She noted that he'd turned down the bed and had her pjs waiting for her. Putting Alpine back down, he stood and took the few steps separating them until he was directly in front of her.

"Here, let me help you," he nearly whispered as he reached behind her for the zipper of the dress.

She suddenly felt shy. He'd seen her naked so many times now, but it wasn't the same any more. Her arms flew up and crossed over her chest.

"No," she told him as she stepped out of his reach. "Don't."

He dropped his hands back down to his sides and nodded slowly.

"Alright."

"Turn around," she asked quietly.

Something flickered in his eyes. He took in her unsteadiness but didn't say anything else as he spun around, hands diving into his pockets. Sophie fumbled with the zipper, cursing silently when it wouldn't budge. Giving up at last, she kicked off her shoes and made towards her bed.

"Forget it," she mumbled, crawling in. "I'll sleep in the dress."

Bucky turned back towards her and frowned.

"I can help you," he said.

Burrowing down under the blankets, she closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry.

"Please leave," she whispered.

He continued to stand immobile, staring at her in quiet agony.

"Thank you for tonight, but please leave."

Nothing but silence. Then several minutes later, she heard the click of her front door as it shut softly behind him.

A/N: Well I definitely had a much easier time writing this chapter. Maybe it's just the angst that comes easy for me LOL! I really hope you all are still with me and that you liked this one. If so, please drop a comment/review!

Thank you so much to the handful of my readers who stuck with me through the last chapter and reviewed! You all give me the will to keep writing even when it's not coming easy! Isabetta1463, captainfukal, Bellatrixskr, Babygail2001, Vokunkendov, and Guest