Chapter 10: My Battles, Vacations, and Experiences
[Intro]
[Morning. Farmland. Manny Rivera, now 11, is plowing the fields and carrying the produce when Mexican Vampiro wheels in some luggage and puts it onto a SUV. Manny, confused, walks up to them.]
Manny: So? What's with the bags? You're going somewhere?
[Mexican Vampiro turns around and talks]
Mexican Vampiro: Yeah, you!
Manny: (confused) Excuse me?
Mexican Vampiro: We, in the farm, think that you need real life experience and our mandatory education has limits in terms of that experience. So, we decided that you need to travel around the world, train in some amazing locations, have fun, and have wonderful memories along the way.
Manny: What if I refused?!
Mexican Vampiro: Too late! We all democratically voted for your extensive vacation.
[Manny then sees Rasta Vampiro and runs to him]
Manny: Rasta! Please tell them that I don't want to leave the farm.
Rasta Vampiro: Too late for that, youth. You too cooped up in this place and the world is big for exploration. Besides, we think that you need a vacation from all the hard work you do here.
Manny: But I like the work. It's invigorating! I mean, I want to see the world as much as the next guy but I'm scared of people who'll take advantage of me. Or worse, see the "bad man"!
Rasta Vampiro: Don't worry. You won't go on this trip alone. Other vampiros will accompany you while we stay and tend the farm.
Manny: Oh, okay. Also, where did you get this car?
Ernest: I stole it! Now get inside, Manuel.
Manny: Isn't stealing bad?
Jim-Bob: Not if you're a government agent. (Manny gives a confused look) It makes sense in context. Now let's ride, hombre!
[Manny enters the car as Ernest Vampiro floors the pedal and rides towards an airstrip. There, they enter a hangar with a private jet on the runway.]
Manny: WOW! An airstrip! A jet! Where did you get all of this?
Ernest: This was once a patch of land meant for housing that got abandoned due to lack of interest. As for the jet, a government agent stole it.
Manny: Let me guess, it makes sense in context?
Jim-Bob: You catch on quick! Now let's head to our first destination, Mexico City, Mexico!
Manny: But, we're in Mexico. Why are we heading from Mexico to Mexico?
Ernest: We're heading to the city in style, Manuel. You just need to experience it in a different mood.
[The jet flies up and then lands on the Benito Juarez runway. Exiting the airport, the trio enter a limo that was taken ala "government agent" and head towards the center of the city for some "touristy action". First, they take some photos of Manny in the Zocalo, eat some tacos de canasta, then head to the Frida Kahlo Museum for art gazing, ride the Mexican Metro, eat tacos on Lorenzo Boturini Street, visit a St. Muerte store, traverse La Merced Market, buy several fruits, vegetables, spices, peppers, and a coconut, cut the coconut, Manny drinks the water while the vampiros eat the fruit, rind and all, while eating mole poblano, buy some textiles (blankets, pillows, ponchos, sarapes, etc), stop by an aguas frescas (fresh waters) stand and order some drinks, one watermelon, one orange, and one coconut, stop by a motel and head off to bed.]
Manny: That was awesome! I had a wonderful day. There were people of different sizes, various buildings that sell stuff, that candle with a calavera, and then we ate a coconut. Well, I mean drink the water. Why did you eat the rind anyway?
Ernest and Jim-Bob: Yes!
Manny: I see. It makes sense in context. Well, good night!
Ernest and Jim-Bob: Good night!
[Morning. Highway. Manny turns off the light and goes to sleep. The next day Manny wakes up and sees a sign saying "Welcome to Michoacan". He spots Ernest and Jim-Bob, in disguise respectfully, talking to a police officer and tries to help but finds the doors are locked. Another officer then spots Manny and demands that he exit the limo.]
Corrupt cop: (indignant) Hey, you! Get out the car!
Manny: I can't. Door is locked.
Corrupt cop: (outraged) This is a stolen car! Get out or you'll get arrested!
Manny: Door. IS. Locked!
Corrupt cop: (violent) THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING! EXIT OR DIE!
Ernest: Hey! He's just a kid! Calm down!
[Brandishing an assault rifle, he smashes the window, grabs Manny by the shirt, rams him to the door, pulls out some handcuffs and tries to arrest Manny until Manny vanishes from his hands, does a stance behind the officers back, turns his hands into claws as shadows transform him into a tiger/human hybrid and slashes the officer's rifle in six pieces as he turns around and tries to defend himself from the attack. He pulls out a handgun but that gets sliced in two. His co-worker tries to shoot Manny with his rifle after seeing the boy slice the gun but Manny dodges each bullet until he punches the corrupt cop in the chest and renders him comatose.]
Corrupt cop: (scared shitless) Screw this! I'm going to take up farming!
[Manny reverts back to his normal self, enters the limo and the vampiros flee the scene while numerous cops rush towards the comatose cop. Numerous cop cars then chase the limo while Ernest uses the coma cop's assault rifle and shoots the tires. The chase ends with the cars skittering off the highway and the trio driving to a random town. Exiting the limo, they're greeted by a local.]
[Noon. Highway. Random town]
Townsman: Hey! What brings you to these parts?
Manny: Just sightseeing. Why? Is that a crime?
Townsman: To those cops out there, perhaps.
Manny: What?
Townsman: Those cops are in the pockets of the Gaucho Cartel. They run this part of town with an iron fist. Tourists like you ought to be careful around these parts. (grows menacing) Unless you want your head in a pike, I suggest leaving immediately.
Manny: What local responds to a tourist with threatening words?
[Without warning, the townsman pulls out a gun and shoots Manny in the head.]
Townsman: I warned him! I warned him about leaving this town. Either way, it's his fault.
[Suddenly, Manny's body melts into the shadows and slides towards the townsman as he watches the shadow regenerate Manny himself.]
Manny: (spits out bullet) Really, a .39 caliber bullet? So primitive!
Townsman: (scared shitless) You? Are you the devil!?
Manny: Yeah. And you're in the 7th circle of Hell, Motherfucker!
Townsman: (offscreen) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Ernest and Jim-Bob spend the day looking for other people in the town and ending up with confused looks. They then spot Manny, in his "El Tigre" form, walking towards them and the limo.]
Manny: We need to leave. I think some bad men have taken the villagers and are holding them ransom in exchange for a part of Michoacan.
Ernest: And how do you know this?
[Flashback]
Manny: Who's the head of the Gaucho Cartel?
Townsman: I'll never tell!
Manny: Fine. Time for "The Prostate Exam"! [Manny opens his right hand and shoves his finger up the townsman's butt]
Townsman: (offscreen) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Flashback ends]
Manny: I pulled an enforcer to the ground, plucked his head like a vegetable, and left him there. Also, his prostate seems to have small lumps.
Jim-Bob: It makes sense in context.
[Dusk settles and the trio follow the road via limo until they stop at a gate. A sign saying, "Gaucho Estate - Trespassers Will Be Shot. Survivors Will Be Hanged & Shot.", was plastered on the front gate. Exiting the limo, they are stopped by two armed men. The front lights turn on while both Manny and the thugs walk towards each other.]
Armed Thug 1: Turn around your vehicle and return to mommy!
Armed Thug 2: Unless you got a death wish!
Manny: I'm here to see your boss. I will not take no for an answer. Open the gates or feel the pain.
Armed Thug 1: (sarcastic) Oh, I'm so scared. I'm going to open this door and hand you my gun to kill the boss. (cocky) Hah! The day you enter here is the day I see my grandma!
Manny: Are you wishing to die? Because I can make that happen.
Armed Thug 1: Big talk coming from a smartass!
Armed Thug 2: Yeah! Now run away or dig your own grave!
Manny: Ernest! Jim-Bob! Show them the afterlife!
[Ernest runs towards the thug, jumps, grabs him, and lunges towards the sky until he lands on a stalagmite, back first, and breaks his spine. The other tries to shoot Ernest with his assault rifle until the lights turn off suddenly. Getting scared, the thug tries shooting his rifle everywhere until the lights turn back on and he's lying on the gate wall, unconscious, with the gun tip lodged in his heart. The gate opens and Manny enters the foyer expecting a small battle while the vampiros try to find and free the hostages. Meanwhile, underneath the stronghold's surface, several armed thugs defend the cartel's dungeons with their lives after hearing the demise of the security gates.
Armed Thug 3: (on the walkie talkie) Where is that brat!?
Armed Thug 4: (on the walkie talkie) Stay sharp. That puta has to be somewhere.
[A gust of wind blows a thug]
Armed Thug 5: (on the walkie talkie) What was that? Show yourself! (door creak) Aha, found you! [shoots his gun, an AK-47, at the door only to reveal that it was another guard checking for the intruder] No, Sancho! You fucking prick!
Armed Thug 4: (on the walkie talkie) You're the one who shot him, you ass!
Armed Thug 5: (on the walkie talkie) Oh gee Isa, I never thought of that…Shut the fuck up!
Armed Thug 7: (on the walkie talkie) I grabbed him. I got the boy. Now hold still like the brat you are! (scared) Wait. What are you!? Help. (static)
Armed Thug 3: (panting on the walkie talkie) He's here. I know it! That twerp is here. He has to be here! (woosh) What was that? (slash) NO! MY ORGANS! (thinking) "I'm dying. I see it. Heaven. Clouds and my mother. Wait, why is she frowning? No, wait. I now see fire. And Hitler!? No. No. No! No! NO! I believe in Jesus, MY ONE AND ONLY…"
[Meanwhile, Armed Thugs 8-19 are inside the holding cell, where the hostages are being kept, trying to keep what's left of their sanity. Suddenly, the lights go off and when they're on the entire platoon are either dead, bludgeoned to a coma, or groaning in pain with gun parts lodged in their bodies.]
Armed Thug 19: NO! WAIT!
[Ernest pulls out a popsicle out his pocket, rips open the bag, shoves it into the thug's mouth, pulls out the stick, and the thug's jawline explodes with blood and teeth on the floor. The thug dies from the injury while the cell doors open. The hostages, shocked, run towards freedom while the remaining thugs keep searching Manny in the underground passages.]
Armed Thug 4: Ucqa? Ucqa! Ucqa!? Answer me! Fucking drunk! If you're not doing your job, then why hire these people?!
Manny: Perhaps they're unionizing?
Armed Thug 4: Impossible, especially with our boss.
Manny: (cheeky) I betcha he's a bastard.
Armed Thug 4: Not exactly. A bastard, yes. But wait? (Turns around and spots Manny, smiling, with a dark aura around him) Gulp.
Manny: Hi!
Armed Thug 4: Hello?
Manny: Can I ask you a question?
Armed Thug 4: Yes?
Manny: Where can I find the kingpin?
Armed Thug 4: What?
[The thug slams to a door, which opens, and breaks several stone walls until the thug dies from his injuries.]
Manny: Wrong answer!
[Manny, unfazed, enters these holes until he finds the kingpin's room. Before anything can happen, an armed thug cocks his magnum onto Manny's head and he stops.]
Armed Thug 20: Hehehe. You may have killed those pansies from below, but here, I'm what's standing between life and death.
[Manny, still unfazed, reveals bat wings to the cocky thug. Now unnerved, the thug cocks his magnum at the flying boy, unaware of his comrade entering the room.]
Armed Thug 5: (notices the dead thug) Bauza! What? How? (mourns) You died like you lived, on the rocks. I shall avenge you my comrade! (sees Manny, with wings, flying towards him) Aha, found you! (cocks his rifle)
[Both thugs shoot their respective guns at the boy until Manny floats near Thug 20 and Thug 5 responds by shooting a hailstorm of bullets at him, only to kill his teammate.]
Armed Thug 20: (dying) Goddamn Miguel, you team-killing fucktard!
[Manny zooms at him]
Manny: Yeah. You're not landing in Heaven, Miguel.
[Before Thug 5 can respond, Manny grabs his head and rips it open from his neck. With the armed thugs gone, Manny goes back to the kingpin's room, looks under the desk and discovers a surprise.]
Manny: (amazed) Hold on a second. You're the head of the Gaucho Cartel?!
[We shift to 1 year. Noon. Coney Island, Brooklyn. Manny, now 12, has arrived at the Luna Park amusement park for the summer to have some fun, alongside Rabbi Vampiro, Ernest and Jim-Bob.]
Manny: So? This is Coney Island? I kinda expected more from my first time in New York.
Rabbi Vampiro: Trust me, kid. This is the beginning of your grand vacation. You cannot claim you visited New York without enjoying Coney Island's finest theme park.
Ernest: And after that, we'll visit the World Trade Center, then the Empire State Building, Grand Central Station, Times Square, UES, Little Mexico, and many more places.
Jim-Bob: But first, Cyclone coaster.
[The group entered the park to enjoy the rides. From roller coasters to go-karts, another coaster to tilt-a-whirls, enjoying the park food and ending the day on the Wonder Wheel.]
Manny: I got to say, this turned out to be a great day.
Rabbi Vampiro: Yes. Yes it is!
Manny: (sigh) Too bad we forgot to do that stuff you mentioned earlier, Ernest.
Ernest: There's always tomorrow, Mr. Rivera!
Manny: Dude, call me Manny!
Ernest: There's always tomorrow, Manny!
Manny: Thanks, man! Say, where's Jim-Bob?
Ernest: He battling a mermaid for some popcorn and hotdogs!
Manny: Eh. Makes sense in context!
[The next day, several photos show Manny enjoying his time in NYC. From atop the World Trade Center, eating a hotdog, to the entrance of Grand Central, to the sprawl of Times Square, eating a Katz's Deli pastrami sandwich, hijacking a cab ala "government agent", buying some "fancy clothes" in a Park Ave high-end store, visiting UES with the "fancy clothes", taking a nasty rich man's wallet and donating his money to a homeless war vet, "coming out" at Christopher Street, entering "Little Mexico", buying several stuff in the stores, eating tacos in a taqueria, entering JFK airport, heading for the private jet, and waving goodbye to the camera. Returning to Xocolitzo, Manny enters his room to drop off some trinkets and receives a note on his bed. The note says:
"Meet me at the old shed near the railways. Nobody else besides you should come!"
-Someone
Going to that shed, Manny turns into El Tigre and his ears detect a vibrating pulse in the air and moves 1 inch. A bullet misses Manny and hits the ground. Sensing several pulses, Manny dodges several bullets until he's confronted by a shadow.]
Manny: All right! Who are you!?
Robed Figure: I am the dark soldier sent in to deal with people like you! I've seen the enormous bounty given your track record. So how are we going to end this; dead or alive? Either way, I'm getting my money!
Manny: Heh! Suck my dick, hombre!
[Manny fights the shadowy figure and blocks several attacks while his hits aren't hurting his opponent. Confused, Manny takes off the robe and it reveals why. The figure turns out to be Django of the Dead. Covered in tattoos, Django responds by kicking Manny's face. Wiping away blood, Manny smirks.]
Manny: Thanks! Got another one?
Django: Of course. There's plenty of blows for you!
Manny: Hmm. Kinky!
Django: Ha! Shows what you know. I'm fucking asexual!
Manny: Yeah, I'm bisexual.
Django: So?! For me that means sex is unnecessary.
Manny: Just cause I'm bi that doesn't mean I need sex for pleasure. We can always flirt and tease.
Django: No thanks!
Manny: Come on! You know you want this!
Django: I said no!
Manny: Okay, hotstuff! Never knew you were hotheaded!
Django: And I never knew you never give up!
Manny: I love your sweet talk! Kiss me already!
Django: Kiss?! YOU!?
Manny: Yes!
[Looking at each other, both guys kiss immediately. They lock lips (In Django's case, mouth) passionately, licking each other's tongues, until Manny falls to the ground and rolls over with Django as his rib cage protrudes Manny's chest. The love session ends when the Vampiros enter the scene and Django runs, with his shirt intact. The Vampiros ask Manny about the events that happened.]
Rasta Vampiro: Child. What happened here?
Manny: Oh. Some context that needed to make sense.
[Afterwards, Manny enters a limo and several photos reveal his adventures in Northern Mexico. In Sonora, he's eating a steak taco while running from a cartel. In Sinaloa, he's taking a group photo with the Vampiros near several burning vehicles that contain boxes of guns. In Baja California, he's swimming at a beach while Ernest snorkels near some coral reefs. Another photo shows Jim-Bob fishing for the trio's meal. Another shows them catching and frying a porgy. Then a photo sees Manny in Nuevo Leon wearing a "I 3 Monterrey" shirt and some random guy yelling at him. In Durango, Manny's in a fancy hotel, sitting in a chair while sipping a drink. 1 year later, Manny is 13 and on a Havana airstrip, loading several cargo boxes of sugar, tobacco, and rum. Entering the plane, he leaves Cuba and heads to Jamaica. There, Rasta Vampiro is waiting for Manny.]
Manny: (departing the plane) Ahh, Jamaica. Sun, surf, and coconuts.
Rasta Vampiro: Exactly, my youth! Welcome to Kingston, youth. Want some gum?
Manny: Is it cannabis flavored?
Rasta Vampiro: Medicine, my youth! And yes!
Manny: Doesn't it taste like wheatgrass?
Rasta Vampiro: All things that are healthy taste bad! Besides, this country has strict laws against the herb. Making jelly, on the other hand, resulted in an incident.
Manny: What type?
Rasta Vampiro: What happens when some tourist mistakes it for a protein shake?
[Manny headslaps in embarrassed anger]
Rasta Vampiro: Exactly! Now, we have a nice cabin near the shoreline. It sits near the ocean and where sunrises are commonplace.
[Manny and Rasta enter a vintage car to head towards the cabin.]
Manny: Nice car! What is it?
Rasta Vampiro: A vehicle from 60's Britain. They called it a saloon. Either way, this has the only tires that can traverse dirt roads like this.
[The duo leave the city and enter the rural landscape until they enter the forestry. By the time the dirt road ends, the car stops and the duo exit the vehicle and find burning flames near the cabin. Alerted, Manny finds several men with flamethrowers burning what looks like grass. Now outraged, he turns shadowy and slashes their throats off and begins to slash their corpses into pieces until one grunt screams in horror, drops the flamethrower, and runs off only for Rasta to lunge at him and knocks him unconscious.]
Rasta Vampiro: (adamant) Hey, hey, hey! Child! Enough!
Manny: (roaring until he hears Rasta) Huh? (sees the bloody carnage) Oooh. Sorry!
Rasta Vampiro: You need to control yourself! What did I tell you about being patient!? Now we have a traumatized individual who's seen too much. (sighs)
Manny: (curious) What's this? Jamaica Constabulary Force? Are these policemen?
Rasta Vampiro: Look closer, my youth. What is it about these embroidered patches that seem off?
[Manny looks closer and notices several errors in the name "Jamaica".]
Manny: I see. There's an "I" in between "A" and "M" instead of "A" and "C".
Rasta Vampiro: Exactly. These men are crooks! Question is why burn the grass here and where did they find the place? Only I and other Vampiros know this area.
[Suddenly, the grunt wakes up and, in panic, pulls out a pistol at the duo. Manny, fed up, zooms at the grunt, grabs the gun, and breaks it in two. He then grabs the grunt by the throat and interrogates him]
Manny: How do you know this place?
Grunt: I will never tell!
Manny: I don't think you have a choice. I can slice your body into ground meat in 15 seconds. Tell me the truth or it's beef patty for dinner!
Grunt: I refuse to tell you, you devil!
Manny: Fine.
[Manny puts his left hand in his pocket, grabs a lemon, slices it into two, puts the grunt on the ground, switches hands, uses his right hand to squeeze the lemon wedge on the grunt's neck and bites it with such force that makes the grunt's yells silent. By the time the sun sets, Manny sits near a fire with Rasta sharing a meal.]
Rasta Vampiro: So, that's how it happened.
Manny: Yep! Some drug dealer was out at sea in his yacht, spotted the grass, and ordered his goons to burn it all. Want some jerk chicken?
Rasta Vampiro: Yes. (takes some wings) Some bumbaclot drugs pusher mistook my medicinal herb for that filthy substance. Manuel, I normally try to calm you down and suggest a peaceful approach but this time, I want you to find that badman and evaporate any chance of hope he had in life.
Manny: (smirking) Okay. But it'll cost you.
Rasta Vampiro: How much?
Manny: Some dish called ackee and saltfish. I want to try it.
Rasta: Alright, my youth. Time to sleep. Oh, BTW, bury them bones.
Manny: Okay.
[Manny gets a shovel, grabs some sand and pours it onto the fire, aka the bones of the grunt. The next day, Rasta is at the fields, tending to the crops, checking the grass, pulling the weeds, waxing the saloon and notices a ship heading towards the beach. Heading towards it, he finds Manny exiting the yacht.]
Rasta Vampiro: Oy, child. What happened?
Manny: I swam towards it, climbed onboard, greeted myself, got shot numerous times (drops shells out his hands), dealt with the goons (pulls out and drops several spinal cords), fought with his elite generals (drops several skulls), and found the doofus. He's in prison, wailing in horror inside a cell about seeing "the Great Lucifer". I have no idea where he gets that from.
Rasta Vampiro: What's with the boat? You gonna sink it?
Manny: I'm keeping it! It's my spoil of war.
Rasta Vampiro: I want to say destroy it because we don't have a boathouse but you're right. You deserve it for making him pay.
Manny: Also, there might be corpses inside. So?
?: Don't worry! We disposed of several of them in the ocean!
Rasta Vampiro: Who's that?
Manny: Yeah. Uh, when I was swimming towards the yacht, I spotted a lifeboat with them inside. They're the Caribbean Vampiros and they said they were arriving at this destination.
Rasta Vampiro: Are several of you in your respective countries?
Vampiros: Yes!
Rasta Vampiro: Like Haiti, Cuba, D.R., P.R., Barbados, Aruba, Trinidad.
Vampiros: Yes! Some are still heading towards you, sir! Is the boy the next El Tigre?
Rasta Vampiro: Yes!
Vampiros: Okay! We'll clean up this yacht and try to refurbish it to your standards.
Manny: Can you make it bigger and luxurious? I saw the inside and it was fucking tacky!
Vampiros: Okay! Everyone, we'll clean this place, send it to a shipyard Barbados Vampiro has somewhere, tear it down and rebuild it to the boy's specifications.
Haitian Vampiro: Even the fireplace?
Manny: I mean, can you make it more modern!?
Haitian Vampiro: Okay!
[We skip 1 year and it's nighttime at the Congo Rainforest. Manny, now 14, is examining the layout of the forest. Preparing for the worst, he tries to hone in his power and practices his "Soul Eject".]
Serengeti Vampiro: Ok sargent! What are our orders!?
Manny: Honestly, whatever happens just nab them.
British Vampiro: Care to be more specific, sir?
Manny: If we find random strangers that straggle, look pale, and have whiter eyes, then we find the hotspot and stop this madman from purging souls. If they're soldiers, kill them.
Serengeti Vampiro: And you're sure that we'll find the madman?
Manny: (livid) YES! I AM ABSOLUTELY SURE!
British Vampiro: We already apologized for that incident, sir.
Serengeti Vampiro: In our defense, if you want to party, tell us next time.
Manny: (huffing) Well, I'm sorry for raising my voice.
Serengeti Vampiro: And again, the partygoers have been sent to a hospital and we have paid their insurance bills.
Manny: Yeah. I still feel bad for that bouncer.
British Vampiro: In your defense, sir, he saw our faces and your powers. The fact that you siphoned his blood was punishment.
Manny: BTW, his cholesterol tastes like his blood pressure: skyrocketing!
[The conversation is interrupted by sniper fire]
French Vampiro: Speaking of skyrocketing, someone is attacking us!
Belgian Vampiro: Shit! How did they detect us? You think our base on top of these trees would fool the enemy.
British Vampiro: What base? We stand or nap on the branches, use the leaves as rope and hide from enemies using the trunk.
Serengeti Vampiro: Not to mention the boy's fight against that gorilla.
Manny: I thought we put that behind us?
Belgian Vampiro: That simian still wants his fruit, sir.
Manny: It's his fault! I had fruit rights when I saw it and that primate already had breakfast. Then he tried to punch me and I knocked him with a rock.
Belgian Vampiro: Yes and then a poacher came to kill that creature . . .
French Vampiro: And the two of you put aside your differences to teach that poacher some manners.
Manny: And then he found some fruit near a waterfall while I went back to base and ate my fruit in peace.
[Sniper sounds interrupt the conversation. One of the bullets landed on a person staggering near the base.]
Manny: Shall we intercept?
[Both Vampiros nod in agreement and they grab the staggering individual and notice foggy eyelids before fainting from blood loss. Knowing this is one of the victims of the warlord, the group jumps in between branches towards the sniper fire, pulls out their guns and, in Manny's case, wings, decimate the platoon before they can reload. Eventually, the group finds the stronghold from the dense forest. A gigantic wooden barricade with pikes blocks the entrance]
Manny: So. This is the warlord's stronghold? Kinda strange nobody noticed this eyesore in the jungle.
[Manny then spots a sign that says "Serengeti Outpost" in between some bushes]
Manny: (unfazed) Hmm. So that's how they've maintained secrecy. And yet.
[Manny knocks on the main doors]
Manny: Hey! Cookies! Open up!
Soldier: I already told you! We do not want any mint . . .
[Manny's left wing slices the soldier's head clean off before grabbing the door and letting them inside the stronghold]
French Vampiro: Can't believe that worked?
Manny: Can't believe people actually fall for that? I mean it was either "cookies" or "tech support"
Belgian Vampiro: And people respond better with cookies.
[They enter the stronghold which is just one small building located in the center. Manny enters the building and immediately the site explodes into a blazing inferno. Numerous soldiers along with technical vehicles (jeeps armed with guns), tanks, and mortar cannons lined up aim towards the center. Before any of the Vampiros can fight back, the ground starts shaking. The barricade breaks apart, the ground starts cracking, tanks start sinking, and before anyone can say anything, lights underneath shoot up as the ground turns into lava. The soldiers combust immediately, the weapons liquify into nothing, and the entire ground gets shot up into the sky until Manny arrives out of the ground and stands near the Vampiros who are amazed by the feat he demonstrated]
French Vampiro: What happened, sir?
Manny: Hold that thought.
[Manny pulls his left wing and grabs the molten rock, which has cooled down into a ball of silver and diamond encrusted geode and hurls it near a plateau that shatters into rubble revealing the warlord and his dead goons.]
Manny: A cave? That's your stronghold? I wonder where the entrance was?
[Manny pulls his right wing and fires an energy blast onto the ledge which knocks down the warlord. Trying to flee with a broken leg, the warlord is met with cocked guns pointed at him and Manny staring at the thug. Before anything can happen, the screen turns dark.
[Dusk. Neo-Tokyo. 1 year later. Manny, now 15, has arrived at Neo-Tokyo, Japan in the quest for fresh ramen, cold sake, black belt training, and adventure. He, however, finds a city under the control of the Cyber Samurai, a Neo-Tokyo hero who wants to reisolate Japan. Finding businesses closed, houses under strict surveillance, and advanced robots patrolling the streets, Manny is understandably pissed.]
Manny: (upset) Oh my God. (x3)
Sushi Vampiro: I apologize. In my defense, this district is supposed to be bustling with tourists carrying trinkets and locals offering you great ramen, sake, sushi, and snack locations. I am surprised that much has changed and not for the better.
Manny: Are there any takoyaki stalls or at least a gift shop open today?
Sushi Vampiro: Unfortunately, according to that sign there (points to a sign), we need permission from the samurai to enter the city.
Manny: (still upset) Fuck that! I came here for sushi ramen, sake and katana training.
Sushi Vampiro: First of all, there isn't a dish called sushi ramen. It's either sushi or ramen. There is no in-between. Secondly, obey the rules! It's the law in Japan! Thirdly, our training shall begin on that temple up there! (points to Mt. Fuji)
Manny: Great! I wonder if they serve sushi ramen?
[Unbeknownst to the duo, several robots watch near a corner.]
Sushi Vampiro: Sir, a dish consisting of raw fish wrapped in rice on miso broth, noodles, soy sauce, nori, and pork is unrealistic.
Manny: Fine. What about takoyaki? Isn't that a dessert in Japan?
Sushi Vampiro: How are fried squid balls sweet!? And the dessert you're referring to is "taiyaki"!
Manny: Taiyaki. Takoyaki. This culture has confusing words. Reminds me of Spanish.
Sushi Vampiro: That remains to be under review. (both stop walking) Wait! Do you sense that!
[The duo turn around and detect the robots. Manny descends into his shadow, rushes towards the robots, jumps out of his shadow as El Tigre, and slashes the robots with his claws. The robots explode from the attack while Sushi Vampiro throws chopsticks towards the cameras watching the scene. Suddenly, the patrolling robots head towards the duo in an attempt to stop them.]
Security-bot 1: Halt! Halt! Halt! Halt! Halt!
Security-bot 2: Stop roughhousing. You are violating numerous laws under the Cyber Samurai! Please stay where you are so we may arrest you!
[Manny, still in El Tigre form, kicks the first robot, smashing it into four pieces. He then turns around and slashes the second robot into exploded pieces. Suddenly, several security-bots head towards Manny until Shaolin Vampiro pulls out their pole and throws knocks off the robot's heads. Explosions ensue as both Vampiros and Manny flee the scene and enter a park nearby.]
Sushi Vampiro: You took your time.
Shaolin Vampiro: I was biding near a temple until I noticed a red alarm near a light post. Knowing our fellow companion, I rushed my meditation and defeated the contraption before any harm could happen.
Manny: Are there other Vampiros here or just you?
Sushi Vampiro: Several. We choose to hide until the stars themselves tell us to come out.
Manny: Of course, besides my typical need to visit Japan, I'm here because my ancestor left something behind that I need to collect.
Sushi Vampiro: Yes, of course! The Shogun of Xocolitzio. He came here by force thanks to Matthew C. Perry. Left the ship and wandered into numerous villages before a daimyo tested his strength. He fought against his best samurai until a group of ronin backed by Russia arrived to do them harm.
Manny: Then he and his team, the Four Corners Vampiros, fought against the ronin and kicked a major general so hard in the jaw, he landed near a tiny island with only his jaw missing.
Sushi Vampiro: Ever since then, Justice Jaguar was the only Mexican in Japan to be declared a shogun without beginning as a samurai.
Manny: Yeah. He was also responsible for why there are Japanese Mexicans. He told their ancestors magical stories about Mexico being a ginormous land filled with unlimited resources and freedoms that made their grandparents weep happily. By the time he returned to Xocolitzio, his title as the last shogun of Mexico was a heartfelt moment for those Japanese Mexicans. Which is why I need to find that thing he left.
Shaolin Vampiro: Which was?
Sushi Vampiro: The Sword of the Jaguar. A gift from the very daimyo who challenged him to fight his men. Forged by the very villages he protected, it was said they forgot to give him the sword once they left for Mexico. As time passed, that village has since returned to nature. Even if this country advances, they must still respect their ancestral past in order to have a bountiful future.
Manny: Even so, the sword is somewhere outside Neo-Tokyo. (stomach grumbles) Damn, I'm hungry! Where are the sushi restaurants?
Sushi Vampiro: They're closed sir. The Cyber Samurai had them closed to prevent crime from running rampant.
Manny: That is BULLSHIT! How will selling raw fish upsurge crime!? At least sake stores exist, right? Let's find one.
[Manny knocks on some doors until he gets the same response: "GO AWAY!" "NO SAKE!" "THE CYBER SAMURAI IS HERE! RUN!" Disgruntled, Manny continues walking until he succumbs into exhaustion from an empty stomach. Waking up, he's met by several Vampiros inside a shrine.]
Shinto Vampiro: Hello, fellow individual. Welcome to my shrine.
Takoyaki Vampiro: Yes. Are you starving? Wait and I'll provide!
Ramen Vampiro: My miso ramen will make sure your stomach is pleased to infinity!
Rice Vampiro: Here. (The Vampiro lays down an enormous bowl of rice and a sake gourd) Some rice for you and, of course, some sake until the meal is complete.
[Ecstatic, Manny grabs chopsticks and starts eating the rice while chugging the sake gourd. By the time the rice bowl is empty, a platter consisting of sushi rolls, takoyaki, grilled mackerel, a giant bowl of miso ramen, and, for context reasons, sushi ramen arrive for Manny's enjoyment. He starts with the sushi ramen, then he grabs the entire mackerel with his chopsticks and gulps the entire dish, bones and all, afterwards he grabs the gourd and chugs more sake until it's empty and continues eating the sushi and miso ramen. The Vampiros eat the dishes provided by the other Vampiros of the shrine. By the time Manny is full, only one takoyaki ball remains. That takoyaki ball is then eaten by Shaolin Vampiro as a gesture. Night falls and the group goes to sleep. Day breaks and the group continues their quest to the sword. Afterwards, they discover several huts covered in vines. Heading towards the foliage, they encounter a box with a rusted lock and chains. Using his claws, Manny opens the box and finds several C4 explosives. Alert, the group flees out the village as the area explodes in a fireball. Flames spread out the area before the Vampiros get buckets of water to put it out.]
Manny: (upset) I don't understand. Who stole my ancestor's gift? What do they want with a katana? How did they know about this village? And why leave explosives in this place?
Sushi Vampiro: Sir. We uncovered something in the area!
[Sushi Vampiro gives Manny a note. The note says:
-"Whoever reads this,
"Items in Japan stay. Leave!"
-Cyber Samurai.
Infuriated, Manny decides to return to Neo-Tokyo and confront him. He enters the Sangenjaya District to get the samurai's attention only to be confronted by several androids in the process. He swiftly destroys the robots one by one until the samurai appears to him]
Cyber Samurai: Well done, stranger! I see you disposed of my retainers. Not surprised, though, they were an inferior design. A little tweak here and a little tweak there and perhaps they wouldn't get slashed by such a blade.
Manny: So? You're the samurai that everyone here keeps babbling about. The one who made Neo-Tokyo ideologically safe, at the cost of its thriving culture. No wonder this area lacks what I'm looking for. Too many eyes, not enough privacy.
Cyber Samurai: Culture? Before you even stepped foot here, this city was a lawless place. Full of gamblers, prostitutes, drinkers, and deliquents. The minute I came to this city, I cleaned up the place! I made sure everybody followed the rules! I got rid of bad behavior! I even made it illegal to watch television with a slouched back! Of course, there were "those who rejected my proposal", saying it violates ethics and it's impolite. I burned those "rules'' to ash and sent them to be educated! If you ask me, culture is what makes crime happen. If everybody was as well-behaved as the citizens in Neo-Tokyo, crime would've been extinct. (spits at Manny's face) That's what I think of your "culture"!
Manny: I'm also here because you're responsible for stealing my ancestor's gift. That village was destroyed by explosives for a sword. Why?
Cyber Samurai: This "gift" belongs to the nation of Japan. Whatever your ancestor was given needs to be returned back to this country. We forged swords during our transition periods in the land of samurai and we would never award katanas to gaijin like you!
Manny: He was a shogun. He fought for villages that were at the mercy of Russian backed ronin. He arrived in Japan out of curiosity and left with tales depicting him as the last remnant of the Mexican-Japanese shogunate dynasty. The Sword of the Jaguar is mine to keep and cherish as any descendant would honor their ancestry!
Cyber Samurai: LIES! Whoever is this shogun is obviously a tall tale! Japan's shogun era ended in the Meiji Period! That sword you speak highly of is just a rusty dagger kept in my quarters to be smelted into bullets for my robotic police! I demand you beg for your life or die like a gaijin!
[Manny then breathes in and out. He sits down, meditates, and reveals to Cyber Samurai what he's dealing with. His back begins to release black tendrils that form into wings. Those tendrils then start to change into link chains that emit blue flame. Manny then stands up and grins at the nonplused samurai]
Manny: (grinning while speaking Japanese) Watashi wa anata ga osore ga nandearu ka o shitte iru koto o nozomimasu ka? Anata ga sore o motometanode!
[Transforming into his outfit, Cyber Samurai and Manny begin to fight. Manny delivers the first blow by aiming at his armor. The Samurai pulls out his katana, a 70 inch, 300 layered, platinum blade with a magnetic pulse and tries to aim it at Manny's claws only for his robots to cling instead.]
Cyber Samurai: What? What is this? Why aren't your blades removed from your hands?
Manny: Estupido chamaco! These blades aren't made from metal, they're obsidian!
[Cyber Samurai is aghast]
Cyber Samurai: That sounds made up!
Manny: Obsidian isn't a metal, it's volcanic glass, like Mt. Fuji over there. This is so damn sharp, I can slit 95 throats without needing a sharpening stone.
Cyber Samurai: LIAR! Ninjabots, attack!
[Several robots lunge towards Manny, only for him to cut them in shards.]
Manny: Are you done throwing toys or are you all talk?
[Cyber Samurai jumps and tries to slice off Manny's hand. Manny, bored out of his mind, turns into mist, astonishing the samurai, hits his armor with the chain wings and he crashes into a building. Brushing off debris, he tries to headbutt the guy only to have his helmet slashed into bits by the obsidian blades. Now infuriated, the samurai activates a remote that unleashes several security bots towards El Tigre. Smiling, Manny and his shadow slash and punch the robots while several more head towards the duo. Unbeknownst to all three, the citizens of Neo-Tokyo watch in disbelief as El Tigre and his "youkai" massacres the robots without exhaustion. In a heat of passion, the citizens rise up and join in Manny's fight. Cyber Samurai, infuriated, decides to attack the citizens for disobedience. Manny, alert, picks up a robot and throws it at the samurai only for the projectile to be slashed by his blade. Shadow Manny intervenes.
Cyber Samurai: (frightened) YOUKAI!
[Cyber Samurai tries to slash the shadow only for said shadow grabbing the blade out of the samurai.]
Shadow Manny: Nonononono! Cutting no good.
[Shadow breaks the katana into 6 pieces.]
Cyber Samurai: (aghast) That was my best katana. I forged that with exact precision. A youkai broke my very precise sword.
Manny: Yeah! And you know what else?
[Manny points to a Edo-style building high up Neo-Tokyo as it explodes in a fiery mess. Numerous Vampiros are seen escaping the explosion via parachutes as Cyber Samurai watches in disbelief. Suddenly, Ramen Vampiro lands near Manny with surprising news.]
Ramen Vampiro: Sir, we found the sword. The samurai kept it in a trash bin labeled "Useless".
[Ramen Vampiro hands Manny "The Sword of the Jaguar". Manny pulls out the katana and is amazed by its untouched beauty. As cherry blossom petals fall to the ground, Manny holds the blade as he strikes down on something. One week later, Manny is heading to the airport, along with the Japanese Vampiros, to go home. Looking back, he feels elated that he liberated a country from tyranny.]
Manny: (smiling) I can't believe I saved Japan from a polite dictator.
Sushi Vampiro: After that, the country owes you an enormous favor for defeating that rogue samurai. Cherish it well, sir.
Manny: I will. I sure will.
Airport: Now boarding Flight 045. Neo-Tokyo to Miracle City.
Manny: And there's my ride. Also, what seats did you get us?
Ramen Vampiro: First Class, sir!
Manny: Funny, I spent all my money from that izakaya on sake.
Shinto Vampiro: Not to mention all that yen for hentai manga.
Manny: I'm bi. I have desires like the rest of man. So, how can we get first class if we're broke?
Vampiros: Government agent!
Manny: (happy) It makes sense in context.
End of Chapter 10
BTW, in case you're wondering, the Vampiros never tell this story to the reporters. You, the reader, only get to enjoy this chapter. Still making this series happen! Leave a comment.