A/N: Why, hello there. This bastard of an author has returned. I don't even want to know how long I left for this time. I've just come to conclusion that I am part bear, because this story always seems to go into hibernation for some damned reason. -_- I'm sorry, I will do it again. Anyways, I think it's time to get on with things. Oh look, the plot is finally here. It arrives on the back of a snail, so we must be understanding. Anywho, let's get going. You guys aren't here for my weird ramblings, lol. (I have, in fact, only gotten weirder. I am not sorry.) Anyways, heres almost 10,000 words to make up for it.
When Alfred had mentioned going to visit a garden, Ivan hadn't been expecting much. After all, it was the middle of winter in New York City and there were usually more skyscrapers than trees in the city. However, Alfred had surprised him when after a short cab ride, they arrived outside the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. To be completely honest, Ivan had completely forgotten that such a large park had been in the area. It did make sense that he had forgotten about it however, as he usually spent most of his time in New York stuck in meetings and office buildings in the heart of the city. He couldn't help but feel a little amused at the idea that 52-acres of garden could just be hidden away from him like that. Even as Alfred was buying the tickets to get into the garden, he couldn't help but feel a little amused about it.
After they had entered the garden, he and Alfred walked down the different parts of the park in comfortable silence. As Ivan had expected, most of the garden had been affected by the harsh winter. Most of the pathways had a light sprinkle of snow on them, and the trees around them were free from the leaves that usually decorated them during the warmer seasons, with the exception of a few evergreen trees. Most of the flowers were missing, with their flower beds being buried under pillows of snow. It might have been disappointing to some people, but Ivan almost found himself enjoying the sight. While he usually didn't care for winter scenes, he found himself enjoying the quiet atmosphere. It was a nice change from the hustle and bustle of the city that surrounded the park, as there wasn't anyone other than them there at the moment.
When they eventually made it to the rose garden, Ivan was the first to break the silence. "I wouldn't think that the garden would be open this time of year." He commented, his eyes scanning the barren rose bushes in front of them. The bush's seemed to be glistening from the frost and icicles hanging on the branches.
"Well, you wouldn't think so, but not all of the park is outside. They still have the green houses and the tropical gardens, so it's not like all the plants die off." Alfred said with a small smile. "Plus, the park itself is still worth seeing. Honestly, it's kind of nice to see a different side to the park. I'm used to seeing the flowers and stuff, so seeing it like this is still kind of novel to me."
"So, do you come here often?"
"There you go again with those pick up lines." Alfred teased, playfully poking Ivan's arm. "But to answer your question, not really. I only come here every few years or so and that's usually around springtime."
"I see. So, does that mean that you will not give me your phone number?" Ivan teased back, playing along with a small smile pulling on his lips.
"I don't know, you seem like the type to kiss and run." Alfred said, raising an amused eyebrow.
"Me? Never." Ivan chuckled. Reaching over to a nearby bush, he plucked off a withered rose that had been frozen in ice and handed it to Alfred. "I am the very definition of devotion."
Alfred took the rose in bemusement. "Well, I have to admit, that was very smooth of you. If you had actually been serious i might have been impressed by that. Although, when I asked for flowers before, I meant ones that were alive." He teased, playfully wagging his finger at Ivan. "You also forgot the ring again."
"Ah, I have made another mistake." Ivan hummed. "Is this another rejection then?"
"I'm afraid so."Alfred said with a playful smile. Then with a wink, he added, "I'm a forgiving guy though, so I'll give you another chance."
"I appreciate that." Ivan said with a playful eye roll.
"Keep rolling your eyes like that and I'll give you no more chances." Alfred said, playfully sticking his tongue out at Ivan.
On an impulse, Ivan decided to stick out his tongue back. In retaliation, Alfred made a weird face at him, which Ivan copied. This led to them standing there for around a minute childishly making faces at each other. They only stopped when after Ivan broke out into laughter after Alfred had pretended to be England, holding up his hands on his face to mimic his eyebrows.
"Victory!" Alfred cheered, holding up his arms in triumph. Ivan quickly took advantage of this by poking one of Alfred's ticklish spots. Alfred jumped back with a squeak, making Ivan smirk.
"I win." Ivan said smugly.
"That doesn't count and you know it." Alfred said with a huff, quickly composing himself again.
"Maybe not, but it makes me feel better." Ivan admitted, prompting Alfred to playfully chuck the rose at him, which he easily dodged.
"You didn't like my present, I see." Ivan said with a soft laugh as they started to walk down the path again.
"Well, it was dead." Alfred said with a shrug. "It's not like I could even keep it."
"I suppose not."
"Anyways, I see too many as it is. Everyone thinks I like them because they're my official flower or something. I mean, I do like them and all, but I see them all the time at the White House so I get a little bored of them. I'm actually much more attached to Forget-me-nots." Alfred said, rambling a little as he got lost in thought.
"Is that because your favorite color is blue?" Ivan asked, giving the younger nation a genuinely curious look.
"Well, not exactly." Alfred admitted, his smile slipping slightly. "I mean, blue is my favorite color and all, but it's just a coincidence. It's actually for more personal reasons."
"If you do not want to tell me, you do not have to." Ivan quickly assured. "I did not mean to pry."
Alfred simply shrugged, lightly kicking a rock off of the pathway. "It's fine, it's not like it's a secret or anything and I trust you. When I was still a colony I found out about them from one of England's books. I had a friend at the time who wanted to see them, so I asked England to bring some over for us." As he spoke, Ivan saw Alfred's eyes darken slightly, but he continued to smile a little. "I was obsessed with getting them, you know. I used to search the fields around my house for hours for them before England told me they weren't near my house. Long story short, by the time England eventually got the flowers to me, it was too late. My friend had already passed away."
"I am sorry to hear that." Ivan replied gently. Alfred glanced over at Ivan, and saw the older nation not looking at him at pity like he thought he would, but with a look of real understanding.
Not sure how to feel about that, Alfred looked back down the ground and half heartily waved off Ivan's words. "It's cool." He paused for a moment, then he let out a tired sigh. "Well, actually it's not," he corrected, "but it happened hundreds of years ago. I've moved on since then. It's not like he was the only friend I lost after that anyways. You almost get numb to it after a while."
"Yet, it still stings." Ivan said with a sad smile.
"Yeah, it does." Alfred agreed. "But that's why I love Forget-me-nots. They remind me of all of my old friends that I used to have in my life. I always have them in my gardens at my bigger houses. They're kind of like a comfort thing for me."
"My comfort flower is the sunflower." Ivan admitted. "When they were first brought to my country, I was amazed by how bright they were. They looked so much like the sun, something that disappeared so often with the snow clouds in the winter. Then I later learned that they represented not only the sun, but loyalty, adoration, and happiness as well and I became even more obsessed with them."
"I can see that." Alfred said with a small smile, pointing at the sunflower pin on Russia's pocket. "I guess I picked out a good present for you then?"
Ivan unconsciously brought up his hand to tap on the pin. "Da, it was a perfect gift." He admitted with a fond smile. "Which reminds me, do you remember when we were talking about what we first thought of each other?"
"Yeah, a little." Alfred said, looking up at Ivan curiously. "What about it?"
"I remember that after my first impressions of you, I was quite taken with your hair color. It looked nothing like England's hair, which was a sandy blond. Your hair reminded me of the petals of sunflowers. It was a similar color at the time."
"Really?" Alfred asked, glancing up at his hair in surprise. "Most people say my hair looks like the color of wheat."
"It can be, but it reminded me of the color of the sun, which made me think of sunflowers first." Ivan said with a shrug. "You have always had more vibrant colors than the rest of us. Like your eyes for example. They are the most beautiful shade of blue I have ever seen. They look like the sky of a cloudless day. There is a joke within the other nations that at night you can even see stars in them."
At this point, a small blush had creeped up Alfred's face. He had subconsciously started to bring up his scarf over his face as Ivan spoke. "I'm sure that's just a joke." Alfred said, trying to change the topic, but Ivan shook his head, not noticing Alfred's blush yet.
"No, it is true. I think it is because you have such clear sky's out west. They do say that the eye's are the window to the soul…" Ivan hummed, suddenly lost in thought.
"I mean, I've never noticed-'' Alfred started to say, but he was cut off by Ivan plucking his glasses off his face and leaning so close to Alfred that they were almost nose to nose. Ivan was looking straight into his eyes like he was searching for something. Alfred's eyes went wide at the sudden closeness, and he made to back away, but Ivan gently stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder.
"I just want to see if the rumor is true." Ivan said with a smile, still looking into his eyes.
Alfred felt his face burning at this point. He could see his face reflected in Ivan's violet eyes, and he was mortified to see that his face looked like a blushing bride again. Coughing slightly from embarrassment, he quickly pushed Ivan away with a nervous smile. "Alright, alright. That's enough. So did you see any stars there?" Alfred asked, desperately trying to play off the situation.
"Hmm. I did not. Although, it is still daytime, so maybe I should check again tonight." Ivan said with a casual shrug. When he was a couple of steps back, he suddenly realized Alfred's face was bright red. Frowning, he put a hand on Alfred's forehead with a frown. "Are you alright? Your face is flushed. You are not getting sick, are you?"
At the sudden physical contact, Alfred's face turned a deeper shade of red, and he quickly pushed off Ivan's hand with a nervous laugh. "Nah, I'm not sick dude. It's just the…cold! You know that I don't do well in cold, so it's probably just turning red because of that!" Alfred explained quickly, suddenly walking very fast down the pathway to get away from the taller nation. "We should hurry up and get to a greenhouse or something! Hurry up, there's still more things to see."
"Ah, I can see that. But you did not feel cold, you seemed a little warm in fa-" Ivan started to say with a frown, but Alfred just shook his head quickly.
"No sir, not me. I'm as fit as a horse. I'm just freezing my ass off. Come on slowpoke, get a move on." Alfred said firmly, still moving away from Ivan.
Ivan raised an eyebrow at the strange behavior, but then he just shrugged and started to follow Alfred down the path again. Realizing after a moment that he was still holding Alfred's glasses, he decided to put them on top of his own head until he caught up with the younger nation. It wasn't like he needed them to see anyways. Plus, it would give him an excuse later to see if there were stars in Alfred's eyes.
_LINEBREAK_
Japan sighed as he walked between the cherry trees, his breath slightly fogging up the air as he did so. Rubbing his gloved hands together to try and get some warmth into them, he looked up at the barren branches above him. He felt slightly comforted by the thoughts of home. Of course, he couldn't leave until he spoke to America, (orders from his boss), but nonetheless he still found the familiar scene in front of him a welcoming sight. Glancing around him, he was relieved to see that he was still alone even after an hour of walking around the area he was in. It didn't surprise him, not many people would want to be outside in the cold, but he still was thankful for the isolation.
He hadn't had plans to go out today, but France had been worried about him, as he hadn't left the hotel room since he had arrived. He had decided that today was the day that he was going to text Alfred and set up a meeting time to finally clear the air between them. Unfortunately, even after hours of trying to put his words into text, he had made no progress due to how nervous he had been. France had found him sitting on the sofa in the hotel common room almost having a panic attack, and decided Japan was overdue for some fresh air. After France had convinced him to calm down a bit, he had suggested Japan find an area in the city that resembled his home so he could relax.
Japan had to admit that France had been right, and he had decided to go to a park nearby to his hotel that had some of his traditional plants and structures to try and build up the courage to send out his message. Unfortunately, while his nerves were a bit calmer, he hadn't had much luck in finding the words he wanted to write. Sighing again, he walked over to a nearby bench, sat down and pulled out his phone for what felt like the hundredth time that day and stared at the empty message in front of him.
It wasn't that he didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but that he had no idea how to say it. Should he just send him a meeting place and time and talk then, or should he explain his actions first? Shaking his head, he rubbed his face in frustration. Leaning back on the bench so that he was looking up at the sky he wondered, not for the first time, what he was supposed to do.
He closed his eyes as he reflected on the last week. He had barely gotten any sleep these last few days, and it was starting to get to him. Even with France's comforting words and reasurences, Japan didn't feel any less guilty about what happened. That wasn't even mentioning the fact that Russia had been the one to announce to Alfred that Japan had a crush on him, and that had just made his nerves even worse than before. At this point, all he knew is that Alfred had taken the news badly. He had no idea what Russia had said to Alfred up to this point. Japan suspected that Russia had built up the scenario to be worse than it was, thus making Alfred think even worse of him. He had been so stressed about it that he had nightmares about Alfred taking Russia's word over his about the whole situation, and permanently cutting off their friendship.
Even in the unlikely event that Russia had just spilled the beans about his crush and then let Alfred come to his own conclusions, Alfred would still might be too angry to listen to him, and might tell him to, (justifiably so), fuck off. Not for the first time since the world meeting, he found himself bitterly wishing he could go back and change the past, but he had been around long enough to know that would never happen. Like France had said earlier that day, "It is better to get it over with, only then can you too start to repair your friendship."
Opening his eyes again, he grimaced up at the sky above him as a few small tiny snowflakes started to fall around him. He briefly wondered if he should write his apology somewhere warmer, but he decided against it after a moment. If he was going to apologize, he might as well do it while he was freezing. He shouldn't be comfortable while asking someone for their forgiveness. He took a moment to gather his thoughts and courage, then with a shaky breath he took his phone out again and started to type out the beginning of his message.
It had not even been a full minute before he heard voices approaching him in the distance. He didn't pay any mind to them at first, but when he heard the familiar laugh of his former best friend echoing across the courtyard, he felt an icy jolt of fear slide into his heart. His head snapped up as his heart beat seemed to stutter, and there, only around 200 feet away from him, was Alfred.
He was walking down the path, trying and failing to get his glasses from Russia. The taller nation was smiling down fondly at Alfred as he dangled the glasses above his head, just out of reach of the American. Alfred didn't seem to mind much, instead trying to jab at Russia's sides, only for Russia to step out of his reach at the last second. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but they seemed to be teasing each other casually. Japan's heart squeezed painfully at the scene, and it took everything he had to not let it shatter into pieces. A hurricane of emotions erupted in his chest as he watched the scene unfold in front of him.
The most intense emotion was that of icy hot fear, and it took everything in him not to simply flee the scene. At the same time, he felt boiling rage in his stomach as he watched Russia interact with what was supposed to be his best friend so casually. As he watched Alfred grab onto one of Russia's hands to try and grab his glasses, a roar of jealousy poured out of his heart so violently that he found himself having to stop himself from leaping out of his seat and snatching Alfred away from the bastard. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he watched the pair for a minute while they got closer. A voice in his head begged for him to flee, but Japan clamped down on it. He would no longer run from this. It was time for him to do what he should have a week ago, and explain himself to Alfred. He at least deserved that after everything he had done.
He stayed on the bench, fear building in his chest as he waited for them to notice him. It took a few minutes, but after one of Alfred's failed attempts to grab his glasses, Alfred finally glanced over in his direction and they made eye contact. Alfred froze almost immediately, his eyes going wide in shock. He stumbled a bit as he tried to stop his momentum from his last grab at Russia, and whipped around with a look that was a mix of fear and disbelief. He stood as still as a statue for a few moments, just staring in shock at Japan, who couldn't help but squirm a bit at the younger nation's gaze.
Russia picked up almost immediately at the sudden change of attitude. He frowned at Alfred and seemingly asked him a question. Alfred didn't respond, still staring at Japan in a frozen state, so Russia followed his line of sight with a puzzled expression. As soon as he spotted Japan, his eyes narrowed and a scowl formed on his face. Japan couldn't feel it for where he was sitting, but he was sure Russia was letting out his death arua. The taller nation quickly turned back to America and seemingly asked him another question, guestring angrily at Japan. Alfred nervously glanced over at Russia and shook his head, but Russia continued to angrily gesture at Japan. Russia started to point at his coat, and just when he turned around and started to storm towards Japan with a murderous expression, Alfred reached out and grabbed the back of the older nations coat, stopping him dead in his tracks.
When Russia turned around to face Alfred, Alfred seemed to be talking quickly, gesturing at Japan and himself and shaking his head firmly at Russia. The longer he spoke, the less angry Russia became. Instead, Russia seemed more concerned than angry, and when Alfred finally stopped talking, Russia leaned towards Alfred with a concerned frown and seemingly asked him another question, which Alfred gave a weak smile to and nodded. Russia didn't respond for a moment, before sighing and gesturing for Alfred to go. Alfred shot Russia a grateful smile,(and oh boy did that make japan's heart hurt),and he started to make his way over to Japan with a determined expression. Russia hung back near the courtyard entrance, but he didn't look happy about it. In fact, if looks could kill, Japan was sure he would be a pile of ash already. Not he particularly cared, he and Russia had no lost love between them. Alfred on the other hand…
Tearing his eyes away from Russia, Japan watched Alfred approach him like one would watch death approach. He was still ridiculously nervous, but some part of him finally realized that this meeting was always going to happen, and for some odd reason that simple thought calmed him down a bit. Regardless of the outcome, this whole situation would be over and done with, and they could both go on with life. It was an almost comforting thought. Alfred didn't rush over, instead walking at a steady stroll, until finally, he was standing in front of Japan with a neutral expression. They didn't speak for a moment. They both waited for a moment, thinking about what to say.
After a lengthy and awkward pause, Alfred shifted uncomfortably, and ran a nervous hand through his hair before he gave Japan an awkward, but genuine smile.
"Hey Kiku. It's been awhile."
Kiku. He had called him by his name just like before. It was more than he ever dared to hope for, and as he looked up at the younger nation's genuine expression, an overwhelming wave of burning shame drowned out every other emotion he had been feeling before. Unable to look at his best friend's face out of guilt, Kiku looked down so that Alfred couldn't see his face.
"Hello Alfred." Japan replied quietly, unsure of what to say. "It has been too long, I think."
Alfred hummed in agreement, glancing around them with a thoughtful expression. "You know, three is a crowd. As much as I like the big guy over there, it's kind of hard to have a private conversation when someones watching us. Did you want to maybe go somewhere else for this?" Alfred gestured towards the path that led further into the park.
Japan hesitated for a moment, then realized that down that path was the Japanese Hill-and-Pond garden. It was a garden that took inspiration from his own culture's history. In fact, it was the oldest Japanese-inspired garden in Alfred's whole country, and one of their strongest shows of friendship. Looking up at Alfred in awe, he realized that the younger nation was not only making sure he wasn't outnumbered during their conversation by leaving Russia behind, not only was he offering him a space that would resemble his home country, but he was also offering to have the conversation in a space that both meant something to them. It was an olive branch.
"That would be nice." Japan said after a moment, the words almost not coming out of his mouth as his throat had tightened up from all the emotions he was feeling at the moment. It was more than he deserved.
America simply smiled softly as he waited for Japan to grab his bag. Alfred glanced over his shoulder, and made a 'go away' hand motion at Russia. Russia raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the blond nation, but after a second he rolled his eyes and waved them away. He knew when he wasn't wanted.
_IVAN'S POV_
Ivan watched as Japan and Alfred left to go speak privately for a while. Russia couldn't help but feel irritated about Alfred doing so, but seeing as Alfred had all but begged for him to give them space, he had relented. He felt something dark moving in his heart as he watched them leave. He couldn't quite place the emotion, but it made him want to run over and give Japan a good love tap around the head with a pipe. Then give him a good kick up the ass for good luck.
Ivan didn't move till they were out of sight, then he left out an irritated huff as he considered going after them, but then decided against it. He was better than Japan. At least he didn't ruin people's days out by showing up and ruining the mood. ( Well, he thought with a small smirk, at least not lately.) He glanced down at the glasses he was still holding in his hands, and scowled. It seemed like everytime he and Alfred were getting along well, or were just having some fun someone would come along and mess things up. Every. Single. Time. It was, quite frankly, annoying as hell. He decided the next time someone showed up and interpreted his day he was just going to tell them to fuck off. He put the glasses on top of his head again as he glanced around him, mildly wondering where he should go while he waited. In the distance, he spotted what looked like one of the greenhouses in the distance. He decided that he didn't really feel like freezing for the next hour, so he started to make his way in that direction.
It took him around ten minutes to reach the nearest greenhouse. As soon as he entered the building he let out a sigh of relief at the warm air that enveloped him. He couldn't help but chuckle as he was reminded of Alfred melting with happiness every time he entered a warm building with him. Maybe the younger nation was rubbing off on him. He sent Alfred a quick text about where he was so they could meet up later, then decided to spend some time looking at some of the plants around him.
It was an amazing place. Large banana trees, tropical flowers, and even some poisonous plants surrounded him as he walked around a small path that snaked around the building. When he looked up he saw the snow frosted glass surrounding him, making him feel like he was in his own little world. He had just reached a bridge that had a miniature waterfall next to it when he spotted a familiar shade of blond hair. However, it wasn't Alfred waiting for him, but Canada, who looked none too pleased about something.
Ivan groaned mentally when he spotted him. Great, yet another interruption to what was supposed to be a fun afternoon out. Maybe if he was quick the younger nation wouldn't spot him, but just as he spun around to try and sneak away, he heard an impatient cough aimed at him. Ivan closed his eyes for a moment as he willed himself to have some patience, and then with a forced smile he turned around and greeted Canada.
"Privet, Canada." Ivan said. "What a coincidence that we met here. Someone might think that you were following us."
At the word 'us', Canada glanced questionably up at the glasses Ivan had on his head. "Is Al with you?"
"He was, Da. He ran into Japan earlier, so they are currently speaking to each other elsewhere. But you are dodging the topic, Da?" Ivan said with a strained smile. "It seems a little strange that you just happened to be here when we did not tell anyone where we would be today."
Canada didn't say anything for a few beats, instead glancing around them like he expected his brother to come charging out from wherever he decided to hide. But when his brother didn't appear his frown became deeper. "So Japan finally decided to speak with Al then?" He asked, leaning back onto the bridge rail and crossing his arms.
"It did not look like an intentional meeting, but yes." Ivan said, carefully watching Canada. The other snow nation was acting out of character, and Ivan didn't have any idea why that might be. Usually the other nation was more neutral to his presence. "But I do not think that is why you are here." Ivan bluntly pointed out.
"No, you're right, that's not why I'm here." Canada agreed, his eyes suddenly turning sharp. "I'm actually looking for my brother. I just found out some important personal information that he decided to hide from me, and I'm not happy with him."
That peaked Ivan's interest. America, while he had to hide state secrets from his brother, was usually more than willing to tell his brother almost everything about his personal life.
"Actually, I'm happy that I ran into you first. This actually has something to do with you as well." Canada said, suddenly scowling at Ivan, who suddenly had a sneaking suspicion about what Canada was talking about. "I was hoping you would help explain why my brother lied about the fact that you two had guns at each other's heads during the Cuban missile crisis. You know, when he told me he was in D.C. the whole time after it was over. Maybe you can explain what actually happened that night, seeing as my dear brother deemed it important enough to lie about."
Ah. So he had been right. Ivan grimaced slightly at the memory. That had been, for lack of a better term, a very shitty night for the both of them. One that he had decided to deliberately try and erase from his mind. Canada waited for an answer, and Ivan didn't think that he would appreciate Ivan dodging the question. Sighing, Ivan ran a hand down his face tiredly, all the fight draining out of his body.
"I will ask this first before we continue." Ivan said. "Do you think that maybe Alfred did not want you to worry at the time? Perhaps that it was a bad time for him that he did not want to share?"
"Of course, i'm not stupid." Canada shot back with a scowl. "But how many years has it been since then? Even with his other horrible points in his life he's told me about everything. For Christ's sake, he's even told me about his Civil war. I'm his brother for god's sake, why wouldn't he tell me!?"
"Probably because he doesn't remember that day very well." Ivan admitted with a grimace.
"What?" Canada asked with a frown.
"He was drunk through the whole crisis." Ivan said with a sigh, leaning against the railing as well.
"But…Al gave up drinking during the red scare. His government made him." Canada denied, but his angry expression was fading away to something more like worry. "He swore to me that he quit."
Ivan paused for a moment, wondering how much he could tell Canada without Alfred getting angry at him later. Canada, noticing his hesitation let out a frustrated sigh.
"You don't have to tell me everything if you don't want to, but I do want to know what happened when you two met up that night. I'm…"
"Worried?" Ivan asked.
"Sort of. Mostly scared. I mean," Canada said with a bitter laugh, "I know that it's all in the past and all, but having news like that get dropped on you makes you need to know the full story, you know? He's my twin brother, he's one of the only true family members I have, and the thought of him almost getting a killing blow without me even knowing makes me want to grab him and shake some sense into him."
"My sisters felt the same when I told them the story." Ivan said, looking at the waterfall with a far off look. "My younger sister cried for weeks afterwards, refusing to let me out of the house. My older sister stopped talking to me for a whole month. They were so scared throughout the whole thing. I sometimes still wonder if they will ever truly forgive me for that. I suspect that my little sister never forgave Alfred for his involvement, but she refuses to talk about it with me." Ivan glanced at Canada. "Alfred was probably trying to spare you the trouble of worrying about him."
Canada took in his words for a few seconds. Then he shook his head and gave Ivan a hard look. "What happened that night?"
Ivan didn't respond right away. He still had that far away look in his eyes as he seemed to watch something Canada couldn't see. "America had secretly called me around the night the crisis was near its peak. He said he wanted to try and talk Nation to Nation. Of course," Russia said with a sour laugh, catching Canada slightly off guard, "He was lying. When we met up at the agreed meeting place in Alaska, he tried to shoot me in my face. I suspected he might do something like that, so I brought my pistol with me for protection. It was the only thing that saved my life that night.
When I opened the door to the bunker, he opened fire on me. He did not even wait till the door was fully open, just started shooting when he saw my face. I had never seen him so intoxicated before. He was staggering around the room, blindly firing at me. He was shouting about something like how he was tired of waiting for me to kill him, that he was tired of the mind games, and he just wanted me gone. Honestly, I did not have much time to listen. I was too busy trying to not get shot. I was able to shoot the gun out of his hand. It was not hard, he was moving very slowly. When I told him to surrender he didn't even fight. He just… sort of gave up." Russia explained, an unreadable expression on his face.
"He gave up?" Canada asked in horror, his eyes going wide.
"He was tired. He said as much when he collapsed into a nearby chair. He just…broke down. I suspect he was suffering from a mental break at the time. The stress of the Cold War must have finally caught up with him. I can not lie, I was in a similar state of mind at the time. At the time, we were both scared. All we felt was the overwhelming fear of our people and our governments weren't listening to us at all. We were powerless." Russia said, looking down at the water below him with a grimace. "Helpless. All we could do was wait to die. We both thought that was going to be our last night. For all we knew, we could have both been blown up in the morning.
I did not even try to fight him after that. We were both done. Instead, we actually talked to each other openly for the first time. It was the first time, and up to that point the only time, we just talked to each as people. Alfred was the first one to suggest we just call each other by our names. He said he didn't want to…" Ivan suddenly paused, giving Canada a nervous look.
"He didn't want to…what?" Canada asked, but his dark expression told Ivan that he already knew what Ivan was going to say.
Ivan swallowed nervously, but he continued on. "He said that he didn't want to die with an enemy, but with someone he could at least call a friend."
Canada didn't move for a moment, then with a quiet swear he turned around and his hands slammed down on the railing, splintering it slightly. He stood there for a moment, digesting what Ivan had told him. "What happened after that?" He finally asked, his voice slightly shaky.
"Nothing. Neither one of us said much after that, and by the time the next day came around we had not been nuked out of existence. I had to leave after that, as my government started to realize that I had gone missing. I made sure to take Alfred's gun before I left, and he did not try to stop me. He just said that we would be enemies again after I left, and that was that. I assume he went back to D.C. afterwards, since you said that he called you afterwards."
Canada didn't do anything as Ivan finished talking. His hands were still holding on to the railing with a painful grip, and his lips were pressed into a thin line as he thought about what Ivan had told him. Ivan couldn't help but wonder how anyone mistook Canada for his brother at times like this. Alfred would have never been so composed if he had found out Canada had almost been killed. He would have been making heads roll by now. He got a feeling that Canada was still extremely upset, but he had a much more restrained way of showing it. Ivan wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing yet.
Frowning, Ivan wondered why he had never connected the dots about Alfred's drinking problem before the Cuban Missile crisis. He hadn't even known Alfred was still drinking till Alfred had told him about it a few days ago. He suspected that it was because he had just chalked up Alfreds drunken state at the time to his distress, since he usually never seemed off otherwise at the time. He had a sneaking suspicion that Alfred might have had a higher tolerance for drinking in the past for him to remain functional throughout the Cold War. Which made him wonder, with growing horror, just how much Alfred had had to drink before their encounter.
"Did he stop drinking after that?" Canada finally asked. When he turned to look at Ivan, he saw Canada's eyes were slightly wet.
"He told me he gave up hard drinking right after that night." Ivan said, deciding that Canada should at least know that.
"Of course, he tells me everything but the important parts. I never even realized that he was in such a bad state." Canada said with a broken laugh, looking down at his hands. "I mean, I knew he was under pressure and shit, but he always told me he was fine. He…he promised me he was fine. He promised to tell me if he needed help, but he's a god damn stubborn idiot who…" Canada's words trailed off as he looked down miserably at the cheerful little river beneath them. "He's always like that, you know."
"Like what?" Ivan asked, feeling slightly lost.
"Always acting like an unbreakable pillar in front of everyone. He never lets anyone one else help him unless you force him to let you help. He always acts happy in front of people so they leave him alone, and the moment you try and bring up something he's uncomfortable with he'll change the topic in a way that's hard to stop. And if you do get him to open up a bit, he tries to push you away. He's been like that ever since we met. And the worst part is that he'll do everything to help others, but he refuses to help himself until it's too late. It kills me. It drives me nuts. I badly want to help him, but then he pulls this kind of shit and by the time I get to him, he's already moved on. It just feels like I'm always one step behind him."
Ivan suddenly remembered all the times Alfred had deflected his questions in the last couple of weeks, like the picture frame on his second day living with him, or the time he had talked about why he wasn't fond of love on that one rainy day, or the outburst in the dairy queen, or that time in the supermarket when he had told him to stop talking about tea. Not to mention all the times Alfred had tried to deny his attempts to comfort him in the past, or the times Alfred would shake off situations as no big deal, when he deserved to be upset. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that Canada was right.
"He…can be hard to get too sometimes." Ivan admitted, still frowning at the thought. "But he does usually come around after a while."
"Tell me about it." Canada said with a huff.
"Are you still going to ask Alfred about this now that you know what happened?" Ivan asked.
Canada chewed his lip for a moment, before letting out an exaggerated groan and shaking his head. "No, I won't. I can kinda see why he didn't want to bring it up to us, and hell, if what you said is true he might not even remember most of that event anyways. Plus, if I told England and France about it they might just wrap up Alfred in bubble wrap and never let him leave his house again. I'm not going after him when he's already dealing with Japan. It doesn't seem fair to go after him when he's already down."
"I can see that." Ivan agreed. "I am surprised you are not angry at me though. When I told my family about it, they were quite angry at America."
"I can't say that I'm not upset with you." Canada said after a moment, slowly releasing his grip off of the railing and turning to face Ivan with a calmer expression than before. "But like you said, a lot of that was decades ago. It's happened, and for all Intents and purposes the world has moved on from it. Not only that, but after hearing the whole story, you weren't a complete ass in the situation, even if you were still on the opposing team at the time." Suddenly, Canada reached out and grabbed the front of Russia's coat, and with alarming strength he dragged Russia's face down towards his. Much to Ivan's alarm, Canada's face never changed expressions.
"But let me tell you this." Canada said coldly, his eyes never leaving Ivan's. "If I so much as hear a whisper of you pulling a weapon on Al again, I will make sure that they won't find your body for at least a decade. You won't even see me coming, so don't even think about running. Do you understand me?"
Ivan quickly nodded, and Canada smiled sweetly and let go of Ivan's coat. "Perfect. Thank you for your help today. I might stop by the apartment later, but if i don't i'll see you at the party in a few weeks. Hopefully you two have a good rest of the day. Ah, and if you don't mind, don't tell Al about this meeting? Thanks." With a quick wink, Canada turned around and seemingly disappeared into the plants around them, leaving Ivan alone on the bridge, with only splinters on the railings proving that the younger nation had been there.
"Maybe we should just stay inside the apartment from now on." Ivan grumbled, turning around and heading back to the entrance. "There is less drama that way."
_ALFRED'S POV_
It took a few minutes for them to make it to the Pond Garden. The walk itself was silent, with both nations seemingly lost in thought. They both seemed a little nervous to break the fragile peace between them, like a single word would shatter it like a bullet through glass. The snow was gently falling around them, making the Garden transform into an almost otherworldly scene. A nearby Japanese shrine was almost buried in snow, and the small river that ran through the Garden was partially frozen, so it sparkled in the weak sunlight. Looking over at the nearby pond, Alfred saw a few fish lazaly swimming under the ice, unaware of the rest of the world. The few nearby trees had their branches almost touching the surface of the water, with the occasional bit of snow falling off the branches when the wind rocked the branches.
Alfred stopped walking, admiring the scene in front of him. It almost felt like he was visiting one of Kiku's homes. It was so peaceful. Alfred felt like it would almost be a crime to break that peace, but this needed to happen.
Kiku noticed that Alfred was no longer following him. Hesitantly, he glanced over his shoulder at the younger nation. Alfred guestured for Kiku to follow him, and they both made their way to a nearby bridge. When they reached the crest of the bridge, Alfred leaned on the iron railing, staring off at the pond with a soft look. Kiku joined him, taking in the scene as well. They stood there for a moment, not saying anything. It almost felt for a moment like last week had never happened.
Kiku finally took a deep breath, and he finally broke the silence. "So I heard that you know now." It wasn't a question.
"Yeah, I know." Alfred confirmed, still looking off into the distance. "I was told right after that shit show of a meeting."
"I see." Japan said and they fell back into silence. The snow was falling faster now. It was starting to stick onto the railings now.
"Why did you help France, Kiku?" Alfred asked gently, but Japan saw the nervous glance Alfred shot at him. Japan wasn't sure what he wanted for an answer, but Kiku decided to be honest.
"At first, I had not planned on following you at all. I had happened to see you and Russia at the museum earlier in the day. That was when I met France. He had said something about you two going out-"
America rolled his eyes. Fucking France.
"-and I got curious about the situation. I decided to follow you both to the store to make sure that Russia was not planning something against you." Kiku admitted, looking back down at the ground. "To be honest, I had no intention of following you further than that, but i heard something about you two going out for wine-"
Alfred almost choked on his tongue at that. Fucking hell, did Kiku know about him fucking around with the mafia? "Wine?! You heard about the wine?!" Alfred asked quickly, accidently cutting off Kiku. Japan nodded.
"I admit that it was a little hard to hear you two, but I mostly picked up on the fact that you wanted a certain wine for some reason. I was not sure why though."
"Oh." Alfred said, releasing the breath he had been holding. "Uh, it was for a Christmas present. Ivan happened to know where to get it."
"Ah, I see." Kiku said, looking embarrassed. "I wish I had known that at the time. Regardless, I heard where you were going, I told France and he got us into the restaurant with connections. That was when… I went for more selfish reasons." Japan said, a bit of pink appearing on his cheeks. "I did not take any pictures though. France has told me to tell you that he was solely at fault there, although I am to blame for giving him the location of your trip. For that, I would like to apologize. Due to those actions, I have caused you unnecessary hardship with other nations."
"Kiku," Alfred sighed, finally turning to face the shorter nation, "I already forgave you for that. I was more mad at France anyways. Plus, by the time I had started to try and figure out why you went behind my back, Ivan had already told me the real reason."
Japan's face darkened at Ivan's name. Alfred let out a sigh at the shorter nation's reaction. He had been expecting it to some degree. "Kiku-"
"He had no right to tell you about that." Kiku muttered darkly, his hands balling into fists.
"So what was he supposed to do? Let me think that you were just going behind my back for shits and giggles? Would you have preferred that? Were you going to come forward anytime soon and confess your real intentions?" Alfred asked sternly.
At Alfreds words, the fight seemed to leave Kiku. He didn't respond, but his guilty expression spoke volumes.
"Kiku, look at me." Alfred said firmly, and reluctantly Kiku looked up at him. "You didn't hurt me that much with damn photos. I mean, yeah, I was upset about you going behind my back, but I was willing to brush that aside. No, Kiku, what really hurt me is when you ran away before you explained yourself. What hurt me was when you refused to pick up your damned phone! What hurt was the fact that you basically gave up on our friendship before you even tried to repair it! WHAT HURT MY GODDAMN FEELINGS IS THE FACT THAT YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO TELL ME THE TRUTH! Alfred stood there for a moment breathing heavily in front of a stunned Japan. After weeks of fear and misery, Alfred felt the dam he had shoved his emotions behind crack.
"Do you have ANY IDEA how fucking heart broken i was about all this?! Do you even know how much it hurt to think that my BEST FRIEND might have only been hanging around me because he had a crush on me?! What do you think I would have done if you told me you loved me?! Huh?! You're my god damned best friend! Fuck, until recently, you were my only FUCKING FRIEND!" Alfred started to pace now, gesturing wildly at Kiku as he did so.
Do you really think I'm shallow enough to tell you to leave just because you confessed to me?! I mean, SURE, things might have gotten awkward for awhile, but it wouldn't have changed anything. BUT NO, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN TRY TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT! Kiku flinched as Alfred raised his voice, but Alfred was on a roll now.
YOU GOD DAMNED FUCKER! Do you even know how much I missed you? If I lost you, who else was going to read manga with me? FRANCE? We don't even have the same tastes in reading material! Who else is going to watch crappy anime with me? Who else is going to come visit me just because they just like being around me? Who's going to kick my ass in video games? Who else is going to show me their awesome cool robot tech, or share their amazing food with me during meetings, or just be there just because of how many other reasons?" America hadn't realized it yet, but there were tears building up in the corners of his eyes.
"No one, that's who. Because no one else can be my best friend but you." Alfred suddenly faced Kiku again, not even bothering to hide his emotions. Fear, anger, hope, and sadness all showed on his face as he stared at Kiku. "Fuck off with your god damn need to try and throw yourself on your goddamned sword over something you could have fixed at anytime. Stop running and just talk to me. That's all you ever had to do. Please, just talk to me again. I can't take it anymore! Please, just be honest with me! That's all I ever wanted!" Alfred begged.
Kiku's face burned with shame. The sight of his best friend reduced to tears over his actions made him want to fall to the floor and beg for his forgiveness, but he knew that would only make Alfred angrier. So instead he plucked all the courage he possessed and looked his best friend straight in his eyes. "Alfred, if you want the truth, here it is. I have loved you for years. I love everything about you. Your heart, your smile, your personality, everything. Even if you never speak to me again, that is the full and honest truth. I ran away because I was too scared to face you, and in doing so I accomplished what I was trying to avoid in the first place. My actions were wrong, and entirely selfish. There is nothing I can do to take those actions back, but in the future I will never run away again. No matter what happens from here, I will never turn my back on you again."
Silence rang in the air as Kiku finished speaking. Alfred was staring at Kiku in surprise, like he wasn't expecting Kiku to actually do what he asked. Kiku dropped his face towards the ground again, the last of his courage leaving him. He had done it. He had finally said what he had wanted to say for decades. He braced himself for the lashback. He had no idea what might happen next.
He had expected a harsh rejection. Maybe for Alfred to start yelling at him again for blurting out something so idiotic. Maybe even for Alfred to just leave. Instead, he found himself being dragged into a bone crushing hug. Alfred let out a wet laugh. "Thank you. Thank you for finally telling the truth." Kiku found himself tearing up slightly as he hugged his best friend back tightly.
They stood like that for about a minute, before Alfred gently pushed Kiku back. "I think you know what's next." Alfred said apologetically. Kiku nodded solemnly, bracing himself for Alfred's next words.
"Kiku, I'm so sorry. But I can't love you in that way. I mean, I love you to pieces, but that's strictly in a platonic sense. I really am sorry. I know that doesn't make it any better for you in the short term, but you really do mean a lot to me. Seriously, you're one of the best things that's ever happened to me, but I only love you as a friend."
Even though he had braced himself for those words, Kiku's heart still broke into thousands of pieces. He couldn't stop it. It hurt so much. It was the worst thing he had ever felt in his life. It felt as though thousands of pieces of glass were ripping apart his heart, while it was being ripped out his chest. He tried to stop his emotions from showing on his face, but he must have done a shit job of it because the next thing he knew Alfred had pulled him into his shoulder so that his face was hidden.
"It's fine dude. No one else is around. Do what you have too." Alfred said quietly, and Kiku let all of his grief out, sobbing loudly into his best friend's shoulder. Alfred simply stood there, supporting his friend.
_CHINA'S POV_
Well, it was finally over. Thank the God's for that. China was currently sitting underneath the bridge America and Japan had been on a few minutes ago. He had actually been there the whole time, as he was quite fond of this garden, but those freaking idiots hadn't noticed him. Of course, he hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but he had been in the neighborhood, and he had been worried about his little brother, and to be fair they had been pretty loud, so he really had no other choice but to snoop. Thankfully, the argument had gone better than he thought it would. Pulling out a pipe, he struck a match against the side of the bridge and lit it, puffing on it a few times, wondering if he should follow his brother and comfort him. He probably should, but maybe it was better for Japan to heal his broken heart a bit before he helped him. After all, time was the best medicine for broken hearts.
Nodding once at his decision, he blew the smoke out into the cold winter air.
A/N: Look, if you look closely you can actually pinpoint the exact moment his heart breaks in two. Welp, I'm a heartless bastard. You know, just casually walking back into your lifes with some some milk, dropping some angst, and then fucking off again. The usual. Anyways, this chapter was a bit heavy. But if you were looking closely, you would have seen the hints in the story pointing to it.
Damn it Japan, I feel sorry for you now. Which is bad, because i have a bad habit of rooting for the underdog in romances, so i had to rip out your heart so there was no chance of any amepan in this story. Sorry buddy, but it's all uphill from here. :D