From: Admrial Rael'Zorah vas Rayya

To: Tali'Zorah Vas Neema

Subject: nosubject

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED

Caveats: FOUO

Tali,

You are to report to the Rayya at 1300 hours tomorrow for briefing. I have elected you and Gerrel's group to undergo a mission.

You may also bring one companion of your choice.

If you have any concerns related or unrelated to the mission, don't hesitate to ask.

-Admiral Zorah

Rael's sent the message to Tali and sighed.

Word had it (Mostly from Shala's cues and subtle hints) that his daughter was going through 'a hard time'.

He placed both his hands on his visor and made an ill attempt to try and massage the pressure building behind his eyes.

He questioned how pathetic it was that he had to find out about this through Shala and not from his own daughter.

The next several minutes were spent glancing behind him to see if Shala had made any progress in fixing her omni-tool.

Judging by the grunts and muttered slurs she made, she wasn't.

For the briefest of moments, a pang of jealously kicked him right in the chest and he felt his stomach swing into his throat.

Behind him was Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay.

One of five of the most charismatic and intelligent quarians alive.

One of five tasked with coordinating fleets and deciding where all fifty thousand ships would fly and with whom.

Yet...

She still made time to see Tali.

And he didn't.

Menial things like this never occurred to him until now. When Tali came back, the push to shove ratio from Shala rose tenfold. All of it about Tali.

He was startled from his aimless thinking when Shala shouted frustratingly.

"Damnit! I can't do this! I've been at it for hours! You never realize how important these things are." She threw her hands up in defeat, "I haven't sat down and worked on tech for a long time, Rael. It's quite pathetic. I've lost my touch."

"Just get a new one." He said with a grumble.

"No. It's always better to be resourceful, Rael. You of all people know that."

He nodded, uninterested. "I know."

She let the silence between them ensue for another minute. Shala chewed on her lip and decided she mention Rael's daughter for the umpteenth time this week.

"Tali…"

Rael's brows and lips scowled at his daughter's name.

"What about her." He spoke with a deadpanned tone.

Shala closed her eyes and took the deepest breath her lungs could take.

"She's hurt, Rael... and she's lost so much... and someone… very important to her."

She waited for a professionally snide remark.

When none came, she turned around to see Rael absently staring at his blank monitor with his back facing her.

"...I know." He said bitterly.

"Most fathers would take that as an indicator to help." She huffed.

"Maybe." He offered lamely.

"Maybe?" She stood up disbelievingly and threw her hands up in the air, completely flabbergasted, "That's all you have to say? Maybe?"

She fumed at the back still facing her.

His head dipped lower in the same way Tali would whenever she'd been on the receiving end of an outburst.

"What? Should I start to be… nice? Warmer? What good would it do to just... change on a moments notice, Shala?"

"It would sure as hell beat being a neglectful bastard of a father, Rael."

Rael's hand, by reflex, grabbed for his heart.

There it was again. That kick in the chest.

Her words felt like they could kill him.

"She's your flesh and blood. Your little Sen'ya..." Shala accused before jabbing a finger toward him, "And you've been like this for years."

At this point, Shala didn't look like she was criticizing Rael for his sake. It looked more like she was doing it for her own.

"Not even saving the god-damned galaxy is enough for you, is it? What is it about you that'll make you realize that your daughter still stutters around you even when she's faced the worst this galaxy has to offer?! Or the fact that she can't even look you in the eye when you happen to cross her? Does that not mean anything to you?"

He rose slowly from his chair and faced her with a glare sharp enough to slice through metal.

Shala took one good look at the man in front of her and suddenly gulped when she caught up to who she was insulting.

Rael's fingers twitched and his chest heaved for air. His eyes were narrowed into small slits while his brows furrowed darkly at the middle.

Before Shala could even try and take a step back, he grabbed her by the arms and made their visors kiss.

"I'M. TRYING!" He screamed and put every ounce of anger and pain he'd carried for the better part of eight years into it.

Shala, startled by his voice, wrenched free from his grip before taking several hesitant steps backward.

She swallowed hard.

Suddenly, Rael's shoulders fell from his puffing chest, his head bobbing downward shamefully to look at his feet.

"I'm trying…" He murmured through a cracked whisper before interlocking his hands tightly near his waist.

Keelah, he didn't mean to do that...

"I've never… been good at… expressing my love for her. Keelah, Shala… I can't believe I just did that…"

His eyes were brimmed with tears.

Sensing his sudden swell of grief, she put a hand quietly on his shoulder to console him.

"You're starting to feel again, Rael." She intoned quietly, "I haven't seen this much emotion from you since… well… since she died."

His gaze fell to the floor and he shook his head before shrugging off Shala's hand. "I need some time alone, Shala…" He grabbed for his meager belongings (an old worn bag he'd toted around for the past decade with his paper notes) and removed himself from the room.

When Rael shut the door behind him quietly, Shala sat back down while her chest trembled.

"Rael…"

"You left me, John."

John sobbed as he fell to his knees. "No Tali, I didn't. Please. You understand! I know you do!"

The blood that pooled around him was unsightly. And disgusting. And he cradled that large festering wound at his chest like a coward.

"I don't love you." Tali admitted as she stood over him, "I never did, John. Never."

"T—Tali... why are you doing this to me?"

"You betrayed me."

"No!" John cried with his crimson stained teeth, "I didn't... Tali, please stop— stop doing this."

"You lied to me."

She knelt down until she was at eye level before jabbing a finger into his charred and bruised chest.

"You couldn't even keep one. simple. promise."

His throat gurgled freely of red life.

"I hope you suffered out in the void, John." She smiled as she stood back up, "I hope you felt pain."

"T—Tali…" Tears of dirt and sand roll down his cheeks.

His eyes were blotted with blood.

As a final price to pay for his insults, she let her back face him.

And in his final moments, he cried before crumbling into ashes.

Tali felt a lot of things, as of late.

Remorse.

Sorrow.

Sadness.

Depression.

Loneliness even.

But never had she felt guilt as strongly as she did now.

So when she bolted upright from bed, with her moist back and damp neck, it didn't take long for her brain to fully catch up to what she'd been dreaming of to start crying.

"Why... why would I ever say that?" Tali whispered finally with a muffled sob, "Why would I ever even dream of something like that?"

Was this some kind of sick sign?

Some weird omen behind this nightmare?

Or was it nothing but that?

Just some sick nightmare?

Tali didn't have to think far to know omens and metaphysical signs were total bullshit. But she also knew desperate emotions wanted desperate answers.

Even answers that didn't make sense. Her hot sweats came in waves. And her heart pounded.

After downing a whole bladder of cool water, she sat at the end of her bed and wept again for what had to be the the eighth time this week.

At this rate, it would only be a matter of time before Tali would finally give in to insanity.

This wasn't living.

This was dying.