Chapter - 13

When Edward came back in car, he sat on driver seat, instead of seating with me on back. I know he is angry on me, it's on his face, but what hurts me most is that he is avoiding me. I don't know what happened between Jacob and Edward but I know I made wrong choice of going with Jacob and now I made a promise to him to meet every weekend.

Edward didn't talk to me whole way but once we reach home he came to open my door.

I got down and couldn't even look at him. He tilted my chin up

"I am not mad at you, okay?"

I wanted to ask him then why he is so angry but I just nodded my head. He took my hand and led me inside.

Sue came and hugs me as soon as we are inside.

"What happened, I got so worried Bella?"

I don't know what to say or how to explain. When I didn't answer for long Edward told her whole story.

"We are going to my study Sue. Please bring some snacks and something to drink"

He said and we went to his study. Edward and I sat on couch, I can feel his eyes on me but I can't look up.

"Bella, we need to talk, do you want to ask anything?"

I have so many questions, and I don't know I want answer of those or not. I just shook my head.

"Bella talk to me love."

That's when my tears started. I don't know for what I am crying, is it because he avoided me or because he knows about my mother and hide everything.

Edward picked me and took me in his lap, with my head on his shoulder. He just kept stroking my hairs. After my sob becomes less frequent he asked. "Why are you crying, sweetheart."

I have so many feelings at this moment, but I settled for apologizing.

"I am sorry Edward."

"For what are you apologizing?"

"I shouldn't have gone with him, I made wrong decision."

"No love, you did the right thing. He should have known better."

"But you were mad at me?"

"When was I mad at you love?"

"On the way back, you were mad, don't lie, I saw your face, I know you were mad, and you didn't even sat with me,….you…you were …you were avoiding me." I burst into tears again and hide my face on his shoulders.

Edward's hold on me become tight and he started rocking us back and forth.

"I was not avoiding you love.." when I didn't stopped crying. He pulled my face in his hands. "hey…sshh..Bella I was not avoiding you, will you please let me explain…."

I nodded my head "Good girl, now listen to me, was I mad? Yes I was furious… but not on you. Did I avoid you? Yes I didn't wanted you to see me that furious or me to snap on you for something, that's the only reason I didn't sat with you. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"Then why were you so angry?" he exhale loudly, like he doesn't want to go into this conversation

"It's because of him, he told you about your mother, and I was mad, I wanted to tell you slowly, prepare your mind so you won't get scared and he just dropped it on you like that. Trust me Bella I would have told you on right time."

I just nodded my head. Sue came with snacks and juice. She asked me if she needs to stay, I looked at Edward for answer.

"It's your choice; if you want she will stay."

I looked at watch its 12:30 am, she is up because of me. Edward turned my face toward him.

"Don't worry about time; she will stay as long as you want"

I shook my head "No Sue. You go and rest, I am okay"

With a final nod from Edward Sue left us.

"Now eat something and tell me are you mad at me?"

I was surprised by question

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"I didn't tell you about your mother; don't you feel I should have told you about it instead of him?"

"I don't know how I feel Edward, but if you hid it means, it's better for me not knowing."

"You trust me too much love. But if you ever feel that you want to lash out on me or want to be mad at me, don't feel that you can't. You have every right to be mad, okay?"

I nodded again.

"Now tell me why did you panic love?"

"I don't want to see her, please don't force me to see her."

"Did Jacob force you to meet her?"

"No, he didn't…I just panicked. As soon as I heard she is alive and Jacob was taking me to see her…..i don't want to see her."

"Okay. Why you don't want to see her?"

I shook my head "I…I don't know"

He holds my face again. "You know why? Tell me please."

"I just can't, it's too much please I can't. Don't make me. Edward please..."

"Listen to me, I am not taking you to see her, but I need to know why you are so against seeing her. Did she hurt you ever?"

"No, I don't think she ever hurt me, I was a kid but I ….i remember playing with her."

"Then what's the problem"

"I don't want her to see me."

"She wants to see you, she is begging Jacob everyday…then why you don't want it"

I shook my head

"Bella, I am not finishing this discussion till I know why?" This is the first time his voice become harsh. "Now are you going to tell me or what?"

"I don't want to see her…."

"I've heard that, tell me why?"

"Please Edward please…"

"I am promising you I am not taking you to her, now answer my question why?"

"You promise you will never take me to her…?"

"I will not until you are ready. Now I am not going to ask you again answer my question"

I am not happy with his answer but the more time passing and he is getting more frustrated with me.

"I just don't want her to see me like this"

"Like what?"

"In this condition"

"In what condition"

I don't know how to say it, how to explain I shook my head again. But Edward was not happy he put me down from his lap and turned me toward him. He took both my hands in one of his and bluntly told the words which I was incapable of making.

"You are scared she will see you as slave, as a humiliation to family, you are scared she will pity you…" I just couldn't face the harsh truth, I started pulling my hands but Edward was not having it. "Stop struggling….listen ….."

"Edward, please…"

"No. you need to hear it, your biggest fear is you think she might even reject you after knowing everything…" I couldn't help; my eyes tear up as truth hurt deep in my heart. My sobs started shaking me to core. My cry tore silence of the night.

Edward hugged me again, it was uncomfortable as we are sitting but I needed those arms to hold me in one piece. His hands started petting my hair, and every once in a while he keeps shushing me like a kid.

After a while my body started giving up, it was a long day, I don't have the energy to cry anymore. I feel sluggish. Edward realized I am done for the day. He started pulling away from me but I took hold of his shirt and begged him for more without a shame "please Edward…"

He chuckled "I can sit whole night love but I doubt u can, let's eat something than you can keep hold on to my shirt whole night."

"please…just promise me…" He knows what I am asking for "I am sorry love, but I can just promise we are not going to see her anytime soon but one day we will. She loves you a lot and I believe it will be good for you to meet her and see her every once in a while."

"You don't know her, maybe she will hate me. Please Edward …."

"I know her better than you think love, might even better than Jacob."

This was new to me, I know he knows her but how much "Did you talk to her?"

"I did."

This time I pulled back just to look at his face whether he is serious, and the look in his eyes are pure truth, he is not hiding anything, he really believe it will all be a good idea.

"Why..?"

"When you came to my house, I found out everything about you. Initially I thought it would be better for you if you live with your family, so I reached out to her, she was more than willing to have you back. But when I realized the condition and mindset of yours I decided not to give you too much shock at once."

I was shaking my head long before he is finished, I can't believe he would have sent me to my mother's house, just like that. "Please Edward please No…I promise I will be good…I will study and all freedom you want me to have…just please …no"

"I already told you where I stand, I am not taking you to her anytime soon and that's the end of this discussion. Okay?"

I couldn't help but beg "please…"

"No, now get up we will eat something and will sleep"