Just like the rest of us working slobs, henchmen keep a wary eye upon their boss's mood. However, minions are especially concerned about what kind of day the Dark Lord is having, considering that this bloodthirsty, psychopathic monster is as a rule really quick with the Crucios, or he likes to caress the desk switch that drops you though the trapdoor into the seething pool of lava that's bubbling away in the basement.
Fair enough; the underlings knew what they were getting into when they agreed to start working for His Viciousness. Still, it's much more stable for everyone when the bloodthirsty, psychopathic monster consistently remains a bloodthirsty, psychopathic monster. Unexpected personality changes are not something that exactly reassure the faithful followers of the Master of Doom, so when these occur, word is quickly passed around during shift changes, cigarette breaks, and slave floggings, with anxious comparisons to his normal- Um. Let's instead use customary behavior. Along with succinct comments apprehensively expressed by those just learning about their Evil Overlord's recent wacky actions.
Good:
EARLY ONE MORNING, THE VALET SHAKING AWAKE HIS MASTER IS GRABBED BY THE NECK AND HALF-STRANGLED, TO THEN BE CONTEMPTUOUSLY DROPPED ONTO THE BEDROOM FLOOR.
Bad:
EARLY ONE MORNING, THE VALET SHAKING AWAKE HIS MASTER IS GRABBED IN A LOVING HUG, A SLOPPY KISS IS BESTOWED ON HIS CHEEK, AND A STILL-SLEEPY VOICE MUMBLES INTO HIS EAR, "OOOOO, COMMANDER ZOOM, THOSE TIGHTY WHITES REALLY SHOW OFF YOUR TONED THIGHS!"
Good:
MANIACAL LAUGHTER COMES FROM THE DUNGEON ANNEX BY THE DARK LORD'S CHAMBERS.
Bad:
MANIACAL LAUGHTER COMES FROM THE BATHROOM.
Not-so-bad:
EVEN IF THE LATEST ISSUE OF PLAYBOY MAGAZINE WAS DELIVERED YESTERDAY, IT'S STLL NOT A GOOD IDEA TO DISTURB HIS "ME" TIME.
Good:
TOSSING A HALF-GNAWED DRUMSTICK IN FRONT OF THE SAVAGE MASTIFF SPRAWLED AT HIS FEET, THE DARK LORD SEATED ON THE BREAKFAST BALCONY SADISTICALLY GIGGLES AT SEEING THE LATEST PRISONERS TRAMPLED TO DEATH BY HIS TRAINED ELEPHANT DOWN IN THE COURTYARD.
Bad:
DAINTILY SHARING HIS FORKFUL OF QUICHE WITH THE EAGER CHIHUAHUA PERCHED ON THAT PET'S TINY BED ATOP THE TABLE, THE DARK LORD SEATED ON THE BREAKFAST BALCONY HAPPILY GIGGLES AT THE DOZEN WELL-SCRUBBED TYKES FROM THE LOCAL ORPHANAGE CHORUSING A MEDLEY OF PATRIOTIC AIRS DOWN IN THE COURTYARD.
Good:
INSIDE THE HEADQUARTERS TENT DURING THE CONFERENCE OF WAR, A DEFEATED GENERAL WHIMPERS IN AGONY WHILE IMPALED UPON A STAKE IN THE FAR CORNER, AS A GRIM DARK LORD EXPLAINS TO HIS COMMANDERS THE NEWEST PLAN TO UTTERLY CRUSH THE NATION THAT DARES TO DEFY HIM.
Bad:
ENGROSSED IN HIS POWERPOINT PRESENTATION, THE DARK LORD CONTINUES HIS SIX-HOUR LECTURE ON SUCH TOPICS AS 'JOB PERFORMANCE GOALS', 'INCREASING PRODUCTIVITY', AND 'DEDICATION TO QUALITY', WITHOUT EVER REALIZING HIS SUBORDINATES' BRAINS TURNED TO MUSH FIVE MINUTES AFTER THE MEETING STARTED.
Desperately:
*IF I BRING ALONG MY OWN STAKE NEXT TIME, I THINK COMMITTING SUICDE WILL BE WORTH IT.*
Good:
STOMPING IN HIS JACKBOOTS ALONG THE LINE OF DOOMED MEN, THE DARK LORD SNARLS TO THEM THAT EITHER THEY SUCCEED IN THEIR HOPELESS MISSION, OR THEIR FAMILIES HELD HOSTAGE WILL SUFFER.
Bad:
SKIPPING ALONG IN HIS SLIPPERS AS HE INSPECTS HIS FINE TROOPS, WITH AN OCCASIONAL PINCH UPON THEIR CHEEKS - BOTH UPPER AND LOWER - THE DARK LORD BEAMINGLY DECLARES TO THOSE DARLING BOYS, "LADS, IT'S NOT WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE, IT'S HOW YOU PLAY THE GAME!"
Good:
AS AROUND HIM THE MASSIVE ORGY CONTINUES THROUGHOUT THE ROOM, THE DARK LORD BROODING ON HIS THRONE CONTEMPLATES THE UTTER WORTHLESSNESS OF HUMANITY.
Bad:
*THIS IS THE MOST MEANINGFUL THING I'VE EVER DONE, BRINGING CULTURE TO THE MASSES,* HAPPILY THOUGHT THE SEATED DARK LORD ABSENTLY WAVING A GAUNTLETED FINGER AS IF CONDUCTING THE MINOR MOZART AIR BEING PERFORMED BY THE CLASSICAL MUSIC QUARTET. *SEE, EVEN THAT GUARD THERE IS BECOMING MORE REFINED, JUDGING BY HOW ABSORBED HE LOOKS IN THE SHEER ELEGANCE OF THIS COMPOSITION.*
Sullenly:
*I RAN AWAY FROM THE FARM AND JOINED THE SIDE OF THE MOST EVIL BASTARD EVER TO WALK THE EARTH, JUST FOR THIS? WHERE'S ALL THE ORGIES THAT I HEARD OF? IF I WANTED TO LISTEN TO FARTING SOUNDS, I WOULD'VE STAYED IN THE COWBARN!*
Good:
CLOSING THE CURTAINS FOR THE NIGHT, THE VALET THEN TIPTOED OVER TO THE BED AND GENTLY TUGGED FROM UNDER THE DARK LORD'S LIMP HAND THE WORN COPY OF MACHIAVELLI'S 'THE PRINCE.'
Bad:
CLOSING THE CURTAINS FOR THE NIGHT, THE VALET THEN TIPTOED OVER TO THE BED AND GENTLY TUGGED FROM UNDER THE DARK LORD'S LIMP HAND THE TATTERED STUFFED ANIMAL KNOWN FONDLY AS 'MR. SNUGGLES.'