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Chapter 6

nameless

My wounds were well on their way to healing, my stomach heavy with emptiness, when the stillness broke.

The water rippled and a dragon inhaled. Sight-sounds ghosted against my scales.

"There you are," Fought the Leader said, climbing onto my damp, moldy nest. She sniffed me, her breath tickling against my hide. A shudder went down my spine. "No infection. Good. It's taken us days to find you, you know."

Her words betrayed no irritation or anger, but I still shrunk away. "I—" my voice was too raspy and painful. I swallowed and croaked, "I didn't know anyone was looking."

"Killed the Sea Serpent is furious," she said. When I recoiled in horror, she amended, "Not at you. At the nameless male, yes. At Defeated the Outsiders, even more so. We have to go Above, and then she will bring it to the other leaders as well."

"I don't want to," I whimpered like a pathetic little swimling.

Fought the Leader said nothing. She turned and slipped back into the water.

I lied there, knowing I was delaying the inevitable and only bringing punishment onto myself. But I was so, so tired and hurt and scared. I didn't want to go anywhere near that male or Defeated the Outsiders again. At least in the slimy muck of my nest, nobody would hurt me.

Enough time passed that I began to wonder if it had been a dream. Then the water splashed again. Fought the Leader sight-sounded back over to me.

She dropped something in front of my nose: a fresh-caught fish. "Eat."

I did.

When I was finished and able to ease myself up, she clucked in approval. She dipped back into the water without another word, and this time, I obediently followed, nauseated with fear.

o.O.o

The center of our territory was a fishing-lake nestled in a small canyon of crystals. It was freshwater, fed directly by a vein creeping from the Under, and very deep. Several schools of fish thrived in it, and aquatic plants flowed through its currents. Its shore whittled into crystal, which then gave way to mud, earth, and foliage. Trees with curled trunks surrounded the lake. Their drooping silver-green branches swayed in the wind and brushed gently against the water.

I could hear the clamor of dragons shouting and arguing before we even got to the lake. Fought the Leader and I emerged from the tunnel and surfaced onto the opalescent shore.

Everyone fell into a hush. Keeping my eyes firmly on my paws, I slunk out of the water and crouched next to Fought the Leader.

The leader of our species, Killed the Sea Serpent, parted the crowd. She was the largest dragon of my kind I had ever known, towering over even the tallest females, who tended to be larger than the males. My shoulders barely reached her belly. Her scales were blue-gray, with near-black mottling. The magenta luminescent scales on her neck shone as she lifted her head high.

Barely a heartbeat passed before she snarled, "I've seen enough."

With that, she sprang aloft with a single leap and was gone.

I look that bad? I wondered. I hadn't caught my reflection and had no intentions of trying now. The lingering pain told me enough.

The rest of our flock hurried to follow our leader. The trees swayed wildly with the force of several dragons taking off all at once. I hesitated, reluctant to dive into their throng, until Fought the Leader nudged me. We leapt together, and though all my body ached from injury and misuse, I easily kept pace. If I did not, I would be left behind, just like always. But it wasn't very difficult to know the way; the angry hissing and rapid wingbeats were loud enough to echo against the stones and crystals of the Above.

In my mind's eye, I traced where we were going. My limbs nearly froze with realization. We were returning to the fishing-pool that Defeated the Outsiders had guarded.

After what felt like a few heartbeats, our flock suddenly dove into landings. I followed, sniffing and sight-sounding everywhere. Fought the Leader guided me ahead, parting the crowd, until we came upon Killed the Sea Serpent. On her other side was another dragon—by his scent, the young male. This close, I could see that he was covered in healing burns, too.

He started to pad over towards me, trying to catch my eye. I looked away and stepped closer to Fought the Leader.

Killed the Sea Serpent roared, the sun flashing off of her iridescent neck scales. The rest of our flock echoed her command. I kept my head and tail low, ears and frills pressed flat.

Oh, first ones, why did it have to come to this?

Answering calls came from several different directions, all unique in the shape of their sounds. Several other dragon species had gathered here.

Killed the Sea Serpent's voice thundered for all the Shell to hear: "For the unjust burning of two unnamed dragons of my flock, I challenge you, Defeated the Outsiders!"

A familiar roar shook the very air. "For the attack of a leader by an unnamed dragon, and the trespassing of our territory, I challenge you, Killed the Sea Serpent!"

Killed the Sea Serpent stalked forward onto the flat plain with silken, blue-green grass and little orange flowers. Glowing sunset-colored crystal pillars dotted the field. She was poised and calm, although she was practically vibrating with rage. On the other end, the blood-red dragon stepped out to meet her. Both of them stopped a long distance for each other and waited.

Now the other leaders present would decide: was one in the wrong, or both?

The crowd of dragons fell into a hush.

"It is a fair fight!" someone cried out.

"It is a fair fight!" another leader agreed.

"Yes, a fair fight!" yet another passed their judgement.

Defeated the Outsiders scoffed. "A fair fight?!" he protested. "When I only defended my kind from the intrusion of two nameless, especially that cursed nameless?"

I shrunk into the grass, wishing I could disappear into it. The weight of innumerable eyes fell upon my shoulders, pinning me to the ground, as the onlookers swiveled towards me.

"That is my flock's business!" Killed the Sea Serpent cried, outraged. "You cannot pass that judgement on one of mine and act on it!"

"She is an ill omen!" he returned.

"Superstition!" Killed the Sea Serpent spat.

The words came as a rush of cold over me.

Why was she lying?

Defeated the Outsiders reared up high, spreading his enormous wings. "Superstition? Then why is it that five summers ago, she emerged from the Under, crippled and so very different from every dragon in the Shell?"

I squeezed my blind eyes shut, for he was the leader I agreed with.

"Why is it that on the day she emerged, a great roar shook the very earth, and the sun and moon disappeared?!"

The dragons that remembered that day shook and growled. The pressure of their gazes grew heavier, malevolent.

"Why is it that the calamity ended when she was taken back Under? Why is that she nearly brought the world's ending upon us, and yet you still let her live?!"

I didn't know! I didn't mean to! I wanted to scream. I was only a flightling!

Growling, hissing, and spitting rippled through the air like a torrent of rain disturbing a lake. The male inched closer to me. My flockmates formed a barrier around us, their ears standing on end and their wings lifted. I could taste the anger and tension in the air: a sharp, smoke-tinged zing on my tongue.

"That is enough!" our leader's voice raked through it all like talons through soft flesh. "I don't care what excuse you come up with—you attacked two of my flock! They were obedient and you struck first! That is why we are here!"

Defeated the Outsiders lowered into a battle-ready crouch. "You're a fool!" he said. "She'll be the destruction of us—I was doing us all a favor by putting an end to it!"

"So you admit you attacked to kill?" she said, her voice as scorching as magma.

Defeated the Outsiders paused as if realizing his mistake. Then he squared his shoulders and lifted his head. "Yes," he said proudly. "To defend us all."

My flockmates gasped and snarled. I pressed my belly into the grass, wishing desperately to go Under and swim back to my darkness-engulfed nest, no matter how damp and cold and moldy it was.

Killed the Sea Serpent swung her head around, lifting her head to meet the eyes of the observing leaders. "Is this still a fair fight?" she sneered.

"No!" one dragon said. "The fight is yours!"

"It is still a fair fight!" another disagreed. "One of her nameless attacked a leader!"

"After he attacked them!" returned the previous dragon.

"A nameless cannot fight back!"

"But is he not right that she is cursed?"

"Don't be ridiculous! The first ones would never let a cursed dragon hatch in the Shell!"

"It is superstition!" Killed the Sea Serpent roared.

And so they squabbled. Like a dragon choosing to end another's life—my life—was a topic of debate, something with fair points on both sides.

The weight of the eyes were crushing, choking the air from my lungs, and all I wanted to do was run away. I didn't want this. I didn't want any of this. All I had done was try to just be with another dragon, to feel the privilege of companionship, even if only for a moment!

Eventually, they came to a decision.

"It is a fair fight!" the leaders all agreed one after one.

Killed the Sea Serpent and Defeated the Outsiders hissed in disdain, both of them clearly believing the fight belonged to them. They swung towards each other.

Defeated the Outsiders lunged, but he was too slow. Crouched low to the ground, Killed the Sea Serpent opened her wings, thrust into the air, and was gone almost at once. She was one of the few dragons strong enough to launch into a straight, vertical ascent, and the surrounding dragons murmured in admiration. Defeated the Outsiders was forced to a clumsy halt, and with an air-churning growl, leapt after her at an angle.

I took no pleasure in the embarrassment that he must have felt in that moment.

Now they were out of my view; they were so high up that I couldn't see them among the blurs of the clouds and skylight. What I could hear, however, were the furious screeches, the powerful flames, and the gasps of fear and awe of the dragons in the Shell. Every few seconds, the sharp whistle of my species mid-dive pierced the air, followed by the thundering boom of fire and a brief glimmer of magenta light.

Killed the Sea Serpent was wise to take the fight into the open sky. She was faster and nimbler than this enormous, spiny dragon. If she had stayed below, she would have had to focus more on avoiding obstacles and getting close to him. It would have been easy for him to spray his fire everywhere, as he had done to me, setting dragon and foliage alike aflame. His species was the kind that could walk through fire mostly unscathed, and if he had succeeded in that strategy, victory likely would have been his.

It was arrogance that sent him chasing after her into the empty, open blue above, and now retreating back into the shelter of the Shell would open him up to even more of her fury.

And she was furious.

The boom-and-flash of her attacks wouldn't stop. From the reactions around me, I knew she was hitting her mark on every merciless strike. With each successive boom, dread ate gnawed at me like a starving thing.

I hadn't wanted it to come to this.

I'd only wanted to play chase with another dragon.

I counted seven devastating blows. She only had one left. Immediately following the seventh, Defeated the Outsiders let out a furious bellow that grew louder and louder and—

He crashed into the plain like a fireball, kicking up enormous globs of earth. He had set his scales on fire. Several dragons cried out and scattered as errant embers spewed out into the crowd. With a wheezing hiss, he rolled back onto his feet, but oddly. His form seemed to lilt to one side. I squinted and aimed pinpoint sight-sounds at him.

My stomach lurched.

His wing was broken. I could even sight-sound bone fragments jutting out into the open, snapped like dying tree limbs. He would probably be crippled for life.

Killed the Sea Serpent swept into an elegant landing in front of him. She lifted her head high, her vibrant magenta neck-scales dazzling in the sun, and commanded, "Yield!"

Defeated the Outsiders growled. He tried to spit flame, but nothing came out. Panting and shaking, he finally lowered his head. "I yield," he rumbled, his words raw and scathing as if they could wound her where his strength could not.

"Killed the Sea Serpent is the victor!" a leader cried. "Killed the Sea Serpent!"

Everyone took up the chant with vigor, "Killed the Sea Serpent! Killed the Sea Serpent!"

She stood there, head lifted and wings neatly tucked in. Defeated the Outsiders crouched, tail thumping wildly, and growled in barely-contained rage.

"I will have it known," Killed the Sea Serpent shouted into the cheering, silencing everyone. She waited until it was quiet and announced, "I will have it known that if anyone tries to do as he did to my own, then I will not show mercy next time! This is where superstition leads us: attacking to kill innocent dragons!"

There was much less cheering after that.

With a dainty snort, Killed the Sea Serpent turned her back to her foe and padded back to us. All of us crowded her, myself included, butting our heads against her side and licking her wounds. She took it all in stride. All leaders fought on behalf of their flockmates; this was not her first duel, and hopefully would not be her last.

When I cautiously reached forward to groom some scratched scales on her neck, she leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear, "I will speak with you at my nest later tonight."

I stopped with my tongue still out, ears sticking straight up. She had already turned away to speak to someone else.

That was when another dragon roared.

Everyone snapped back around. A newcomer of Defeated the Outsiders' species had stepped onto the plain, her tail whipping and claws gouging into the earth. She roared again, just to make sure that everyone had her attention.

"Defeated the Outsiders!" she shouted. "You have proven weak as a leader. I challenge you!"

I gaped. I even heard some of my flockmates snicker.

He had no other choice. With all the dragons and leaders still collected here, he could only tuck in his broken wing and snarl, "I accept your challenge."

It was a very, very short fight.

By the time it was done and their flock was chanting their new leader's name—Breathed White Fire—another dragon had sidled up to me.

He openly laughed and nudged my side. "Serves him right."

I didn't meet his eye, lowering my head. "I'm so sorry you got caught up in everything."

"Sorry?!" he gasped. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have fought back. You were the one trying to make me leave. It's not fair that he did that, and it's not fair he called you a curse in front of everyone."

I didn't respond, turning my head away, eyes half-lidded.

He prodded my side again. "Please...I am so sorry."

I glanced over into his shining amber eyes and my heart swelled at the real concern there. "I forgive you," I whispered, if only so his mind would be at ease. "But you should stay away from me. For your own good."

He shook his head, ears flattening. "But I don't think you're a curse!"

I only returned to my usual posture that came so naturally: head bowed, wings tucked, mouth drawn, eyes downcast.

He jerked his head back with a gasp, reading my silence correctly.

The thought of him trying to ignore reality, to speak well-meaning lies to me, was too heavy to bear. I jolted away before he could cry out the very same arguments our leader had just used. Being so small, it was easy to slip into the crowd.

I half-slunk, half-ran towards the nearest body of water I could hear and smell. The male called out, but from the distance of his voice, I knew he was far away. I splashed into a lake, sight-sounded until I found a way Under, and dove.

The sound of celebrating dragons followed me for some time.

o.O.o

Killed the Sea Serpent, as today had shown, was one of the most powerful leaders in the Shell. Because of that, she had an incredible nest.

Like most named dragons, it was Above, nestled in an enormous crystal pillar that yearned upwards towards the heavens. There was a cave carved into it, which was positioned nearly as tall as the Shell's outer rim. It provided a great view of the rest of her flock. One could even see, far in the distance, one of the fog-coated outer rims of the Shell. Being made entirely of crystal, the cavern radiated heat in the presence of dragons, and its soft glow was a comforting, dim lavender.

I alighted on the ledge outside the cave and hesitated. Plenty of soft moss and leaves had been placed here. I even spotted a few mushrooms growing on the edges; there had probably been some spores on something brought up here. Lots of pretty stones and crystals had been meticulously placed by someone on the edges. A sky-blue crystal caught my eye, the very same color as my own iridescent neck scales. I craned my neck to admire it.

Decorations meant that Killed the Sea Serpent was mated, which surprised me. I'd never seen her with another dragon before. But these were delicate and meticulously placed; whoever had created this nest had put their whole heart into it.

For a brief moment, I wondered if I should bring some crystals down to my nest, if only to make it just a little more comforting. I batted the thought away; unnamed dragons did not mate, and I had nobody to impress.

"My mate did that."

"Ah!" I yelped, suddenly realizing where I was. I scrambled, flapping my wings in a blur to keep from slipping off of the edge. "I-I'm sorry, I—"

"Come on in before you fall," she said, her voice betraying a little bit of a smile.

I entered, marveling at how comfortably warm it was inside, and lied down on the leaves. It was surprisingly plush; she had spent a lot of time and effort on keeping the nest fresh.

Killed the Sea Serpent leaned down and nosed a stone with an interesting spiral of quartz running through it. "This used to be my mate's nest, before it was mine. He arranged all of this to impress me after he beat me in a race. Only just barely, though."

"It's very impressive," I said, sniffing and sight-sounding. Besides the mushroom-smell, it was the best nest I had ever been in. So soft, so warm, so inviting-all virtues I had never truly known.

"I still miss him terribly," she murmured, almost as if she weren't talking to me. Then she shook her head and straightened up. "But that isn't why I summoned you here." She turned to me, gold eyes piercing against the pale purple-blue. "What happened a few days ago—has any dragon ever done such a thing to you before?"

I cast my eyes downwards and shook my head. "No."

"Has any dragon ever hurt you before?"

I thought of all the spine-stings, nips, shoves, and scorn I had endured from my own flockmates over the seasons. Surely Killed the Sea Serpent knew about it, but she, like many others, had been happy to look the other way. Nameless were bullied often, but since I was an old nameless, a cursed nameless, it seemed they were all comfortable with it now. "Not like that."

She padded around me, scenting and nosing at old and new injuries alike. She growled. I flattened myself into the plush foliage.

"This has gone on long enough," she finally said. "I've been complacent, allowing you to hide Under for such long periods of time. I thought you would find your voice. I should have known it would only get worse."

I said nothing, furrowing my brow. What did she mean? It was not as though I could argue back to named dragons, and besides that, the Under protected me.

She stepped in front of me and lifted her head high. "I forbid you from going Under until you earn your name."

No. No, no, no no no!

Oh, first ones, no!

I yearned to cry out, but any protests I could manage died on my lips. Nameless dragons never fought back. Especially not against a leader.

I clenched my eyes shut until colors sparked against the nothingness there. My limbs began to quiver on their own accord. I couldn't stifle a small sob.

No more Under. No more safety of the darkness. No more cooling waters. No more teaching swimlings, something I had hoped I could earn my name with.

Almost as if she heard my thoughts, Killed the Sea Serpent leaned down and nosed my forehead. Low and soothing, she murmured, "I know you feel safe down there and are very good at taking care of the swimlings. But don't you see? Hiding down there, barely seeing any dragons...every time you come Above becomes something new for storytellers to gossip about. The less you're up here with other dragons, the more they think of you as not part of us. We need to show them that they're wrong, before anyone else gets this ridiculous idea that you're a curse that needs to be...resolved."

I stared ahead, eyes unfocused, and lied, "I understand."

Killed the Sea Serpent sighed again. "A leader protects all her flock," she said. "But I've let my most vulnerable slip away. This is a burden I bear, too."

Then she lied down. Not just a small distance away—right next to me, so that our hides brushed and I could feel her warmth. On purpose. I jolted, looking at her in confused wonder.

Something about that made her give me a deeply pained smile. I was so caught up in the fact that she was close enough that I could see her—actually, truly see her, and not just a smudge of color—that I didn't even think to question it.

"Forgive me, little one," she murmured, wrapping a wing around me. "I have failed you."

The alien sensation of another dragon so close—and not to fight or shove past—ground my despair to a halt. Was this what it was like, to be accepted and wanted? Is this what true safety felt like?

Was this what it would be like if I were not cursed?

I choked on my next words, "It's—it's—it's not—your fault."

She licked my forehead, a sensation I had not felt since I was a swimling in the dark, and I lost all control, dissolving into heaving sobs and curling closer and closer and closer to her, desperate for the wondrous warmth she offered, the rise and fall of her chest, her heart beating against mine, a soft thrum vibrating from her through me, and I wept, I wept, I wept and clung to her, as if the first embrace of a dragon I had ever been given would somehow soothe away the seasons of loneliness that I had so perfectly failed to endure.