Hello, everyone! Happy New Year!
After this update, I might be able to squeeze out another, but will be unable to update again for at least a month or so. But I hope this chapter will be enough to keep the hype up! ;)
I'd also like to thank AdamantJackal, NomexGlove, Samateus-Taal, MysteryWriter175, Alongtimereader, JustAnotherRandomPoster, Zerac, and picothea for all of your in-depth reviews!
I'd also like to thank my Crysist, kwizjunior, Antiseptic, ReclusiveShadows, and Dragon Crusader for all of your hard work beta'ing!
I hope you all enjoy and have a great day!
Chapter 14
nameless
The days passed. I shook the mushroom-illness off, making an effort to avoid the horrible things by "hiding" in the sun-bathed upper levels of the Shell. It seemed almost like a mockery of my old haunts: the dark, wet tunnels of the Under.
Protected the Hatchlings, as expected, told anyone who would listen to him about my sickness. The dragons who already made an effort to avoid me drew further away. Where I walked, a pocket of emptiness formed in our flock, like fish skirting around a predator. A few named dragons, such as Fought the Leader and Raced the Auroras, refused to be swayed, speaking to me in tight, loud sentences to show the others their opinions.
The nameless male was one of them, as much as I wished he wasn't.
After learning about my private trip with Killed the Sea Serpent, he whined and begged until he was "invited" to the outings. So, every day, Killed the Sea Serpent, the nameless male, and I ventured further into the Shell.
Many dragons avoided us just as my flockmates did to me. Protected the Hatchlings had told other species, too.
Every now and then, we found Survived the Storm, Escaped the Monsters, and Fed the Flock. Sometimes they were busy with responsibility or were simply spending time with other dragons. But Survived the Storm made an effort to reach out to us—I suspected because we showed interest in her stories—and as the unofficial leader of their trio, that meant the other two did as well.
It was…nice.
But a strange guilt filled me with each day spent in other dragons' company. I couldn't shake the strange memory, or the question of why my life had shaped into this. I feared that there was a reason, a bad one, for why I was...the way I was.
I didn't want to drag these kind dragons down with me, like a crippled tailfin dooming a dragon to fall. They accepted me, all of them, even as rumors about me spread through the Shell. Survived the Storm carelessly told me she'd heard storytellers spreading a new tale about me: the only dragon in the entire Shell who was struck ill by the mushrooms. For some reason that I couldn't fathom, they continued to let me near them.
Sometimes I even felt like there wasn't judgement in their eyes, but familiarity.
I wanted it. I wanted it so, so bad.
But a cursed dragon could not live a happy life. Wasn't that true? Something would happen, wouldn't it? The spell would break and the kindness would wrench away, like a dragon finding an eel in place of a fish. I could feel it like a bird knows it is spotted, watchful and wary, unable to stop the advance. I didn't want them to be hurt because of me. I didn't want to be hurt by the oncoming despair.
Yet…
Selfishishly, foolishly, I wanted to wait until it happened. I wanted to cling to this companionship for as long as possible, even as I worried that I would hurt the dragons I had come to care for.
They accepted me, the cursed nameless dragon. They didn't punish me with stings, nips, or scorn. They didn't snarl at me for speaking out of turn—or, for that matter, simply speaking when they didn't want to hear my voice. They didn't treat my presence like a volcano about to explode, a disaster just waiting to happen.
Weak-willed as I was, I couldn't let it go. With every smile, gentle greeting, and soft reassurance, relief and security bloomed in my heart like frail spring flowers after a harsh winter, and it was all I had ever wanted, and I just couldn't let it slip from my claws! For the first time in my life, I didn't want to push dragons away, and it was such a strange, such a wonderful thing!
So, day after day, when Killed the Sea Serpent woke me up in her nest and guided me into the Shell, I flew with her, hoping and fearing and exhilarated and full of dread all at once.
It was because of this that, when the nameless male began to bring up attending competitions, my first thought wasn't to try and flee.
Competitions were new to me. If anything, it was a welcome distraction from my warring thoughts. A nameless could earn their name in one, but they required a named escort. Now that we spent more time in the Shell instead of doing responsibilities, the nameless male talked about them all the time.
"Can we at least watch some today?" he pleaded as we finished our meal, having just hunted in a lake with the other three dragons. "Please? We did stories yesterday!"
"What's wrong with stories?" Survived the Storm squawked.
"A race would be nice," Fed the Flock said, stretching her wings. "I want to see if I've gotten faster."
Killed the Sea Serpent sighed. "The truth is," she said, "I don't want you to get hurt in one."
"But that's part of the fun!" the nameless male protested. To me, he pressed, "Don't you want to go to one?"
I didn't meet his eye and shrugged. "I wouldn't be very good at them."
"Oh, come on!" he cried, bumping his shoulder into mine. "Maybe not the fighting, but the racing, or the swimming, or the acrobatics contests, or the nest decorations...well, maybe not that one."
I couldn't help a small smile, and though I knew I should back away, I stayed where I was. My compromise was to keep looking away, only seeing him through the corner of my eye.
Stupid, I thought.
The nameless male, encouraged, stepped closer to me. My heart swelled with the thought that he wanted to be near me. He wanted to be friends.
And, first ones forgive me, even though I had gotten him hurt...I wanted to be friends, too.
Heart racing, I stammered, my mouth dry and my tongue heavy. Before I could lose my nerve completely, I breathed, "I...maybe...we can only race each other? All of us?"
The three other dragons stared openmouthed. I had never spoken up with a suggestion.
I cursed myself, ducking my head and tucking my wings and tail close. Who was I, a nameless, a cursed dragon, to tell them what to do?
The nameless male beamed, bouncing in place. "Yeah! Let's do it!"
The guilt and joy in my heart sparred. I looked to our leader.
Her eyes were wide, her ears sticking straight up. "...I see," she said. "That's…a good idea! Good thinking, nameless."
There was something in her voice beyond her obvious surprise. It took me a long time to recognize it, having not heard since my hatchling-times.
Pride.
And, great Prebirth, I couldn't stop myself from puffing up a little bit from it. I even loosened out of my submissive posture.
"Great!" the nameless male cheered. "What should we do?"
"A race!" Fed the Flock said.
"I always lose those," Survived the Storm complained.
"I say a race," Escaped the Monsters snickered, shooting his friend a sly look.
Killed the Sea Serpent took control. In her militant voice, she walked to the edge of the cliff we were on and barked, "Line up!"
Everyone scrambled to get there. I slunk after them.
We were on the outer lip of a mountain-sized pillar, high up enough that the others could see one of the sides of the Shell. Below, cliffs and crystals strained to reach our altitude. Some reached straight up from the very bottom of the Shell, while others grew atop huge plateaus that created valleys of their own. Waterfalls tumbled into lakes, which sometimes raced away as rivers. All of it I had sight-sounded on our journey up here, and now it formed a blurry expanse of brilliant greens, blues, reds, and all the colors in-between.
"We'll head to the great oak tree we visited the other day," Killed the Sea Serpent instructed. "The one on the cliff beside the waterfall, with the roots that hang down into the lower levels. First one to the bottom of the trunk wins." To me, she asked, "Do you know the way?"
I nodded. Compared to the Under, it was easy to keep track of where we were Above. There were so many unique things to use as landmarks, like trees, plateaus, and lakes. When I spent most of my time Under, I relied on remembering where I had been to know where I was, with only the occasional crystal or oddly-shaped stone to reaffirm my knowledge. Already, I was mapping my passage from here: swooping down to gain speed, rushing past the twin waterfalls split around the crystal spike, above one of the many rocky arches with the hanging vines, a sharp turn around a butte jutting out from a plateau…
"Ready?" Killed the Sea Serpent shouted.
My heart pounded. This was happening–I was going to be in a race. A race, with other dragons.
I crouched, opening my wings.
"Go!"
We threw ourselves forward. Some of us caught the wind and soared above. The rest dove, hoping to sacrifice an easier path for speed.
A sharp whistle tore past me, followed by a familiar scent: our leader, blasting ahead without mercy.
"Oh, no fair!" I heard the nameless male shriek from somewhere behind and to my left.
I had no breath to spare between sight-sounding and pulling the wind into my lungs. Narrowing my eyes, I ducked around a dragon ahead of us, over a small forest, and through a sprinkling waterfall falling from a pillar far above. As I swerved and spun, I followed my leader's scent always, straining my ears to hear the air whistling off of her sharp wing-edges. With my sight-sounding, I could make out that she was several lengths ahead.
My eyes, on the other wing, washed me over with distractions. Colors swarmed in my vision, undulating and jolting nauseatingly fast. Whenever I passed within sight of the sun, its bright beams caused spots to dance across my vision.
With a frustrated grunt, I closed my eyes and pretended that I was Under. The world at once became familiar and clear. Tracing Killed the Sea Serpent's scent, I raced past the roar of the twin waterfalls. My sight-sounds opened the narrow way for me, guiding me through groups of flying dragons, past pillars, and just above the grasping canopies and hanging vines.
A gust of wind buffeted me from above. I righted myself, ears sticking straight up, and aimed my sight-sounds upwards.
The nameless male swooped ahead of me, laughing, "Well, at least we can race! See you at the oak tree!"
"No, we'll see you!" Survived the Storm called from somewhere above and just behind us.
A small, hesitant grin crept on my lips. That light-hearted feeling lifted me up again.
"We'll see," I whispered, rolled my shoulders, and pushed my wings forward.
Swimming with wings underwater was more difficult than flying in the air. Which meant that a lifetime of doing it had made my wings strong.
I poured ahead like a raging current, sight-sounding like a crazed dragon. Killed the Sea Serpent's scent had mingled with the many others of the Shell, but there were enough traces of it to be followed. I flew along her past, focusing everything in me on my sight-sounds, my wings, and making sure I didn't fly straight into something.
The scent grew more alive, more vibrant. My heart beat in step with my wings. I gasped for breath, tongue lolling out of my mouth, but didn't dare let myself slow down.
And all at once, through the exhilaration of it all, I was struck by what I was doing. I was racing a group of dragons—a group of friends.
I had friends!
The scent trail was clear and strong now, almost as though she were standing next to me. I sight-sounded far ahead, wondering if I could catch the glimmer of her wings.
A flicker against my sight sounds, the rustle of membranes buffeting air, the high whistle of wingtips against the wind—
"Well!" Killed the Sea Serpent said, flying up beside me as if we were casually riding air thermals. "I certainly wasn't expecting you to be leading the flock!"
I turned my head towards her and gasped between heaves, "I—wasn't—either!"
She let out a gasp. "Great Prebirth! You're flying with your eyes closed?!" she scolded me. Then, with a small laugh, she said, "Well, since we're the only two ahead, let's make this race between you and me. What do you think?"
Despite how fast it was hammering, my heart stopped right then and there. Me, racing Killed the Sea Serpent?
"Good choice!" she laughed. "Ready?"
"Um—"
"Go!"
Killed the Sea Serpent surged forward, and before my nerves could freeze me there, so did I.
She was our leader for good reason; she was among the strongest in our flock. She barrelled ahead, pure force and speed, and disappeared from the reach of my sight-sounds. I strained my wings, reminding myself over and over my wings are strong, my wings are strong.
Up ahead, a waterfall roared. There was an odd reverberation to it; one that was familiar. It tumbled from a mountainous plateau that I knew stretched from the center of the Shell to its closest edge on the ocean. It towered nearly as tall as the first ones' grace and formed a mountain range within all the Shell.
Killed the Sea Serpent simply threw her tail up and sprung straight upwards, an impossible feat that she somehow managed anyways. To follow her, I would have to go upwards at a difficult angle or maybe even have to spiral upwards. The extra time would lose me the race.
I narrowed my eyes. My ears twitched with the rushing of the waterfall, the echo of it, the gentle pitter-patter beneath it all…
I tucked my wings and lunged towards the cliffs of the mountain.
"Nameless!" Killed the Sea Serpent cried in alarm, already so far above her voice barely drifted on the wind.
The waterfall roared. Cold air bustled against my wings. I snapped them against my body just as the tumbling water barreled down onto my body, sharp as thousands of claws.
I could hear it. I knew it was there—it had to be there!
The cold disappeared. Cool, humid air washed over my scales. Dragons gasped.
I snapped my wings open and streaked through the cave. My sight-sounds revealed familiar-unfamiliar stone passages, with stony teeth jutting from the floor and ceiling. The dragons resting at the entrance shouted at me to slow down, but they were already far enough behind that I only heard the echo. I kept my wings close to my body, twisting and curling through the darkness.
It did not welcome me as it once had. But that was okay.
Piercing light struck against my eyelids. My sight-sounds stopped reflecting off of part of the tunnel, like a hole swallowing the whole world. I threw my tail to the side and flung into it, swinging around a dragon meandering nearby. When my wings burst open next, they were greeted by the warmth of the sun.
Oh, first ones, my heart felt like it would explode, but I had done it!
I couldn't smell or hear Killed the Sea Serpent anywhere. I hoped she wasn't too worried. But if she had stopped to follow me, then she would be slowed down just enough to give me a chance.
I breathed in, taking in all the smells around me: ocean-salt, dragons, slight traces of sting-smell, freshwater...and the rich, earthen green of one of the many forests. I knew without my sight-sounds that I was on the other end of the mountain, facing towards a flock of stone arches that were each covered in enormous trees and hanging vines.
Tilting my tailfins down, I rushed ahead, scooping the air with my wings to lift upwards at a shallow angle. The stones arches rose up to meet me.
And behind me, I heard Killed the Sea Serpent shout in relief, "Nameless!"
Adrenaline surged down my spine. I was too out of breath to respond. I could only focus on my wings, the swirling scents, the rushing sounds, and my sight-sounds, the only clear and stable part of this chaotic world.
I ducked between the trunks of the first group of trees and swirled into a pocket in the hanging vines. My wingtips just barely brushed it, and even that was enough to coat them in sticky sap. With my next flap, I shook off the shudder that threatened to surge through me, bringing memories of the last time the vines had trapped me.
The sharp whistle of our species flying at speed rose higher and higher. My chest and wings ached, my lungs burning, but still I threw myself between another bough of trees and over another that was, out of sheer luck, low enough to skirt over.
"Nameless, you scared me!" Killed the Sea Serpent lightly scolded, still just behind and below me. She was flying through the sticky vines, using her sheer speed to keep from tangling. "I thought I would find a dead dragon when I turned around!"
"S—sorry!" I heaved.
We cleared the last of the stone arches. My sight-sounds reflected off of thousands of leaves, clustered together so tight that I perceived them as an ocean of foliage. We had reached the mountain that carried the forest with the giant oak. It towered just ahead, covered in hanging vines and flowers. The trees closest to it were also very tall and wide-reaching, like a group of patrollers keeping it safe.
Killed the Sea Serpent merely laughed. "Let's see who gets there first, then!"
She was nearly right under me. There was no time to think; the forest came upon us, and with several flaps of her wings, Killed the Sea Serpent soared above me.
Immediately, I knew her plan: she wanted to fly above the forest and then dive to the oak tree. To do that, she would have to slow down when she reached the grove of trees that surrounded it, picking her way through the branches of the intertwining canopies.
I could never win in that contest. She was just too fast.
I swallowed. It felt like inhaling fire. My wings are strong, I reassured myself. And my sight-sounds are sure.
I tore into the forest. My sight-sounds were met with thousands and thousands of things: leaves, trunks, stray branches, bushes and foliage below, little mice, panicking birds.
Tucking my wings close to me, I powered ahead, focusing only one one thing: what next?
The trunks sheltered close together, like dozens of little swimlings huddling together for warmth. The passage through them was small, sometimes barely bigger than myself.
But I had lived inside smaller, darker, colder paths Under, fighting against currents, unable to breathe or draw in the scents of the lush Above. I knew I could do it, because my life of solitude had dealt me so much worse.
I ducked between the trunks, almost sneezed when a whiff of sting-smell caught in my nose, angled myself into a gap between two large branches, and then pulled myself down until I was just a wing-length off the ground. There, I quickly learned, was where there were less large branches to avoid. The weight of the forest dampened the sound around me, almost like I was Under, so that I could no longer hear where Killed the Sea Serpent was.
This drove me to strain myself even further past my limits, risking tighter and tighter gaps. No dragon of my flock could normally do it—but I was not normal, I had never been normal, and now my small size was all that made my flight possible. The trees shuffled tighter and tighter together, and my wingtips and tail began brushing against the branches, raining dew-drops that had condensed from the daily fogs all across my scales.
The next gap in front of me was almost too small. Gritting my teeth, I twisted sideways, stretched my wings out, and clutched my legs in. The branches grasped at me with little claws, clinging to my legs, and in that moment, I feared I would get caught and kill myself in the resounding crash.
The tree let go. Dragons above cried out in alarm. A clearing spread out in front of me.
I righted myself, drew upright, and flared my wings and tailfins to their full extent. The sudden jolt made my head spin and stomach turn. I had barely a moment to stretch all four legs out before I careened straight into something huge and rough. My paws stung at the sudden slap of force against me. It took all of my strength to hold myself out from it, just barely keeping my head and neck safely stretched backwards. My wings I could not spare. They snapped forward, hugging the massive object, and drooped from the strain.
There must have been a silence, but my heartbeat roared in my ears like an ocean tempest. I sucked in haggard breath after breath, my whole body rocking with exhausted shakes.
I dug my claws into the soft bark of the tree. Then peeked my eyes open.
A wall of reddish-brown haloed in green greeted me. Several bright specks of color sat in the branches above. None of them moved. All of them were watching me.
My throat was too raw to speak. I eased down from the trunk of the great oak and had to fight to keep from collapsing. Instead, I sat with a heavy thump, wings splayed on the cool grass. I hunched over, fighting for breath.
"Are you mad, cursed one?" a dragon cried from above, their voice laced with astonishment and fear. "Why were you flying in the forest at such speed?!"
The spell broke, and the dragons above began to talk among them.
"Is something wrong?!" one dragon shouted, causing an even louder ruckus.
"Was someone chasing you?" another growled. "Who was it?"
I shook my head. "N-no—" I gasped.
The branches far above jostled and groaned. The dragons above shouted again—then hushed, just as they had when I had exploded into their clearing.
I lifted my head and sight-sounded just in time to see her jumping from branch to branch, wings flapping shallowly. Then she jumped behind the trunk, out of sight. The ground vibrated with her landing.
The dragons above whispered.
"That's her leader," one said.
"They were racing?"
"They were competing?"
"She lost?"
"What?!" Killed the Sea Serpent yelped. She leapt to her feet, sending another shake through the ground, and trotted around the oak.
Despite myself, I couldn't help but tense a little when her footsteps came closer. She rounded the trunk, finally caught sight of me, and gasped. She was just close enough that I could see the shock in her eyes, her ears and frills sticking straight up, her jaw gaping. The dragons above began whispering more and more.
"They were racing!"
"The cursed one beat her!"
"When was the last time she lost a race?"
"It was before I was named!"
"She was only ever been beaten by her mate! I was there!"
I lowered my head and ears. In the sheepish tone of a scolded flightling, I whispered, "I think I won."
Killed the Sea Serpent rushed forward. I jolted, my heart leaping into a fervor once again.
She butted her head to mine, laughing exuberantly, joyously, a sound I had never heard come from her. Before I could even blink, she rubbed her side against mine and helped me to my feet.
"You did!" she cried. "Yes, you did! Well done, nameless! Very well done!"
The shock and fear faded as quickly as they had come. Leaning on her, feeling the warmth of her scales, seeing the pride in her eyes, I fought for words and found none. All I wanted was to grasp this moment in my claws and hold it close forever.
"T-thank you," I choked.
"For what?" she laughed. "I wasn't going easy on you. I don't go easy on anyone." This drew a chuckle from the observing dragons above. She wrapped her wing around my body and sat down, urging me to do the same. "I'll have you know, I haven't been beat for countless seasons!"
"I told you," one dragon said to another.
"Looks like you've lost your flame, Killed the Sea Serpent!" another teased. "Are you going gray in the scales so early?"
She laughed with a shake of her head. "No," she said. She turned to me and gazed into my eyes. I found myself lost in the pride in them, as well as…
It was something I'd never thought I'd find, never even allowed myself to hope I'd find. I had only ever seen it with mated pairs and with dragons caring for our young.
Love.
"I've just found a dragon who burns brighter."
o.O.o
When Killed the Sea Serpent woke me up the next morning, I was sore all over.
I groaned. She cuffed my ears.
"Come on, stretch those legs," she said. "If you inch around like an elder, it'll only hurt longer."
With a huff, I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and lifted myself up on aching limbs.
Killed the Sea Serpent grinned. "Come on," she said. "We're going down to the lake this morning."
I almost wanted to groan again. That meant we were doing responsibilities again. With a bleary yawn, I hobbled after Killed the Sea Serpent. Together, we leapt from her warm, soft nest and glided in a slow spiral down to the crystal lake by the willow trees. The sun was just a glimpse on the horizon, casting vibrant golden-orange stripes over the ocean. The Shell was still mostly dark, lit by the soft glow of the crystals and fireflies.
The soft, long grass blades whistled an aimless song as all of our flock gathered. Many were whispering, some even with apprehension. I sat and blinked, eyes half-lidded, and fought down a yawn. Since we had been skipping responsibilities lately, we'd been able to sleep in. I wasn't used to waking up so early.
A dragon nudged me. I jolted.
"Are you ready?" Fought the Leader asked.
I frowned. "Ready?"
Did she mean…
I stood up straight, sleep-fog gone. No...it wasn't...was it? A dragon like me, a cursed dragon, could never—
"Everyone!" Killed the Sea Serpent shouted from above, having climbed up onto a small incline that overlooked the lake. "Come over here."
More flockmates began murmuring. There was bustling and splashing as everyone gathered. Some dragons were instructed to go find the others, especially those who were Under, out on patrol, or deeper in the Shell tending to the swimlings and flightlings. They darted off, flying and swimming with urgency.
We waited. Anxious zings tore down my spine and shuddered in my limbs.
The larger our group grew, the more the whispering rose and rose until it sounded like all the dragons in the Shell were here.
The dragon behind me yelped. Another stumbled into me. I staggered into Fought the Leader, who grunted and helped me stay on my feet.
"Sorry! I was Under because Fought the Leader made me do caretaking!" the nameless male complained, having to shout a little over the crowd. He bounced up and down, grinning toothily. "Is it true?! Are you—"
"Quiet!" Killed the Sea Serpent roared.
Our whole flock fell deathly still. Dragon wings flapped closer nearby, loud as thunder now. When I sniffed at the air, I caught faint, fresh traces of other dragons on the drifting wind. Those not in our flock were nearby.
Our leader waited even for that to subside before she began. "I'm sure you all know why I've called you all to gather," she began. "To those who have left their responsibilities early, thank you." She paused. "This has been a long time coming. For many seasons now, our flock has been crippled. We have been wounded, and we did not tend to it. We let it fester. We let an infection spread to our life-blood, which then dug deep into our minds and hearts and has not budged."
Great Prebirth, the weight of the dragons watching me felt like it would crush me. I lowered my head and ears. My entire body rattled with fearful, apprehensive excitement. The hope in my heart that I had so carefully shushed away began to rage against its constraints.
"Twice now, in only five turnings of the seasons, I have fought others to defend the life of one of our own. Twice now, dragons have turned on them with savage intent, with hardly any protest from their flockmates." She allowed that to hang in the air before continuing. "Countless times, this same dragon has been the target of unfair, excessive punishments by her named fellows. Worse still, this dragon has been scorned into a life of loneliness."
Her next sentence was mangled by a growl: "We have treated one of our own as an Outsider."
The dragons around me murmured. I hunched my shoulders and drew my tail in close.
"The fault is my own," Killed the Sea Serpent went on. "I have not acted until only recently. I hoped that it would fade away." Her voice hardened. "I expected our flock, one of the most capable in the Shell, to understand what was real and what was not. I expected for us not to turn on our own, spread rumors, believe the storytellers' lies, and join in on the outcasting!" Some dragons actually flinched at that, and she gave a satisfied snort. "It is good to feel shame. I feel shame. With shame, comes change. So now, I will treat you all with respect and speak of this plainly, for the last time, instead of stalking around this problem in circles."
"Five turnings of the seasons ago, the sun and moon disappeared."
It was so still, so quiet.
"This happened just as a new flightling was brought to the upper levels of the Shell, just as we began seeking a medicine-dragon to look at her eyes. She was blind and small. Her scales were a color none had ever seen in a dragon."
The nameless male pressed his side close to mine. It was both familiar and unfamiliar now. I glanced at him, meeting his amber eyes. Despite it all, he still looked excited.
I couldn't stop shaking.
"We thought the world was ending," Killed the Sea Serpent went on. "Many of us thought we would die. And in that panic, dragons descended to their lowest selves. They became nothing better than the Outsiders which we scorn for their false beliefs.
"And they tried to kill our flightling."
She let the sentence hang there, head lifted high, magenta scales catching the sun in a dazzling glow. She radiated authority.
"Does that not horrify you?" she asked.
She waited, but nobody dared break the silence.
"You all know why this happened. I call it superstition. Others call it truth. Some believe a blind, white-scaled flightling, newly surfaced in the Shell, somehow made the sun and moon disappear. And I have never acknowledged this." She lifted her voice even higher. "But what I do not understand—what none of us understand—is what actually caused that event to happen. If any other swimling had emerged that day, would we have tried to kill them, too? Or was it easy to lay the blame on a dragon that was too different to us?
"The hard truth is that we don't know. We don't know why it happened. We don't know how it happened. We don't know if it will happen again. So, therefore, we must turn to what we do know. And that is this: the world ended. At that very moment, a swimling became a flightling, was discovered to be blind, and was brought before the other species of dragons in hopes that someone could help her.
"And because of this bad luck, we have treated her as responsible, as an Outsider, for all of her life."
She opened her wings wide in challenge. "Does anyone disagree?"
Silence.
"I disagree."
My heart froze. Fought the Leader growled. All heads snapped towards the dragon who had spoken: Defended the Hatchlings.
"You say it is superstition!" he began. "But even the first ones are still present in this world, and they can still send us signs."
"And what is the meaning of this sign?" Killed the Sea Serpent asked, her voice deathly calm.
I knew once she spoke in that terrifying, emotionless tone that she meant to make an example of him. I hunched closer to the ground.
"That the world may end!" he cried. "When she only lived Under, all was well. But the very day she emerged, where the fake gods can see her, the sun and moon disappeared! I understand your thoughts, Killed the Sea Serpent. I understand that the nameless herself might not have meant to do it, nor even done it." He raised his voice louder. "But what I cannot believe is that it was mere chance! If she did not end the world that day, then it is a sign that she will bring it to us! It is a sign that the next time it happens, it will last forever!"
This was the common interpretation that the storytellers took on that day. Survived the Storm had told me all about it, down to the philosophical details that made my head spin. She had told me she was trying to change the minds of her mentors, but the story was so popular, there was hardly any effect.
Pure foolishness, she would snort. Making such huge, vague statements that can't be disproven because it hasn't happened yet. As silly as one of the prophecies the Outsiders would spout back in older times, I say!
Except, I had wanted to tell her, it wasn't silly at all.
Because it led to this.
"I was there when the mushrooms seized her. They glow like the crystals of the first ones—they are the living remnants of the first ones! And when she touched them, a madness descended upon her, contorting her body in horrible shapes, and she had to be hidden away in your nest for days! That is a sign that we are right! That is a sign that the first ones meant it! She is the only dragon in all the Shell that the mushrooms poison! How much more could you ask for?!"
The words hurt, because they were wrong, they had to be wrong, and I couldn't bear the thought of him succeeding, making everyone remember how they had hated me so, forcing me to retreat Under again, hiding away just so I wouldn't feel the pain of these lies!
I didn't want to go back. I didn't deserve to go back!
"IT WASN'T ME!" I exploded.
My flockmates around me flinched away in alarm, eyes wide, ears sticking straight up. I fought the urge to cower close to the ground. My heart raged in my chest.
I turned to the direction that Defended the Hatchlings had spoken from. "It wasn't me," I choked. "I was only a flightling. And—and—" my throat began to close up. I had to grasp the words and tear them out by force. "And you do not—know what—the world ending—is like. I do!" I sucked in a deep breath, trembling from nose to tailtip. "Because—because—when you are cursed...that's all you are! You aren't—aren't a flockmate, or—or even a dragon! You're only a—a—a thing!" Opening my own wings, I cried, "That is what the world ending is! It is a curse! And—and—!"
I glanced at the nameless male, whose eyes brimmed with sorrow. Fought the Leader had pressed up against me, too, although I hadn't even noticed it during my shouting. And above, though I could not see her now, in my mind's eye, I remembered all the times Killed the Sea Serpent and I had spoken about this.
"The first ones didn't curse me!" I sobbed. "You did! All of you! And I hope—I hope—you got what you wanted! By making a dragon lose all hope—to make life nothing—if only—only—so you had someone to blame!"
It was all too much. I lowered my head, wracked with despair, and squeezed my eyes shut. Someone ran their tongue over my forehead. I flinched from the comforting touch. Another heavy sob wrenched out of me.
The silence pressed heavy on us all.
"Do you finally see now?" Killed the Sea Serpent eventually growled. "Do all of you see what comes from this kind of thinking? Do you see what happens when we do not condemn it?"
I opened my eyes—and jolted close to the ground. Several of my flockmates had drawn close to me, eyes huge and brimming, some so closed that it would take no effort to touch them. On the other end of our gathering, through the crowd, I could just make out the blurred forms of other dragons grouped away from us.
"I condemn it!" Killed the Sea Serpent roared. "I see what we have done to one of our own, and I feel deep shame, and I vow to make it right!" She lifted high upon her hind legs and said in a voice tight with pain, "What say you?!"
Our flockmates roared. Some spread their wings. Others rose to stand tall with her.
"Then we must heal this illness within our ranks!" Killed the Sea Serpent said. "We must let this fever burn itself out! We are better than this! And if the illness runs too deep, then we must do what must be done!" she turned to face Defended the Hatchlings. "Like a limb lost to infection, we must cut it out!" She remained standing on her hind legs, exposing her vulnerable underbelly in challenge, wings spread out so that she cast a shadow upon him.
The dragons around me cried out and stamped their feet. I could taste the anger on the air, a sharp ozone-smell of gas and lightning.
"Are you willing to heal? Or do you hold on to these superstitions?!"
It took a moment, but the flock fell silent to hear his answer. They turned to face the blurry group opposite us.
When Defended the Hatchlings spoke, his voice was clear and ringing. "They are not superstitions," he said. "And I cannot agree with ignoring such clear signs from the first ones." His voice lowered dangerously. "It makes me question whether you are fit to lead."
A gasp rose amongst our ranks, myself included.
Fire erupted within her maw, making the luminescent scales on her neck gleam like freshly-drawn blood.
"Then leave," Killed the Sea Serpent snarled. "You and all those who share your falsehoods. I banish you all from our flock, and I will fight you all to the death if I must. Do not test me."
My flockmates cried out, lurching in place. My jaw fell open.
As far as I knew, no dragon had ever been banished from our flock. But no dragon had ever challenged her, either.
"K-Killed the Sea Serpent," Defended the Hatchlings stuttered, backpedaling now. "I—may have spoken too brashly—"
Her fire tore apart the air. The light of the explosion pierced my eyes and tore at my ears. Dragons screamed. Clumps of dirt and water sprayed high into the air.
"LEAVE!" she commanded over the panic.
There were no more protests.
With his head hanging low, Defended the Hatchlings rose into the air and out of our midst. Through my sight-sounds, I noticed that his posture was odd, rigid. He must have avoided the fire just in time to save his own life, but not avoid all harm.
He stopped when he was hovering over us all.
Dragons in the crowd looked at each other and murmured.
Then, impossibly…
One of our flockmates rose to meet him. Then another. And another.
The small group hovered, waiting, until there were no more who dared to join them. There were fifteen dragons in all, a sizeable part of our flock. Three entire clutches' worth of dragons. That would leave us with barely more than thirty, if one did not count the flightlings and swimlings.
They didn't stay long enough to stoke Killed the Sea Serpent's rage even further. When it was clear nobody else would join them, they fled.
I watched them go until they blurred like a mirage into the sky-light. A strange sorrow came upon me. They were dragons who had hurt me, who wanted to hurt me. I should feel happy that they were gone. But it burned a blazing wound into my heart, that being asked to treat me as one of them, as undeserving of their cruelty, drove them to do the unthinkable.
A heavy, somber silence stifled the rest of us. Killed the Sea Serpent waited until it was impossible to hear their retreating wingbeats before she spoke again.
"These are the consequences of our own actions," she announced. "And now, I hope, we have all learned a very important lesson. We can be better. We must be better. And I trust all of you, even those of you who still worry, to do what the banished cannot. Because you are good dragons." She turned towards me and gestured at me to come forward with her wing. "And because we have one of the best to teach us."
It took Fought the Leader nudging me in the rump for me to take my first shaking step forward. Quivering all over, I crept up the steep hill that our leader stood upon. My remaining flockmates parted as I passed, each one meeting my eye as I glanced up towards them.
More than one looked away in shame.
"Throughout these past moons, I have worked hard to fix my mistakes," Killed the Sea Serpent said. I finally made it up to her, and she stretched a wing over me. She faced me, and though she kept her voice raised, her eyes focused completely on me, shimmering with pride. "But I have not worked nearly as much as you."
I was suddenly fighting down sobs again, my throat welling around a giant lump. Killed the Sea Serpent gave me a warm, gentle smile.
"I have watched you grow from being too terrified to speak to now, today, finally able to stand up for yourself. I have watched you learn to have fun. I have watched you make your first true friends and learn to trust them not to hurt you. I have watched you find confidence in yourself and in your talents.
"Though you have been met with enough hate to harden any dragon, you are still kind, thoughtful, and empathetic. You are an excellent teacher. Even when you are frightened, you find the courage to stand up for others when you think they are in danger. You do everything you can to stop fighting, even if you are the only one to suffer, so that others may not. And though you found no hope in this world, when I asked you to try, even as you told me you did not know how, you still found it. You held onto it, no matter how undeserving you thought you were."
Though my voice was choked and trembling, I managed to squeeze out, "K-Killed the Sea Serpent…I…"
I don't deserve this, I wanted to say.
But I didn't.
Her eyes shone with sorrow and pride. She nodded, as if she could see the decision I made. The decision to be selfish.
No. No, that wasn't right.
Was it truly selfish, to want to belong? To reject the hatred and just be, as a dragon in our flock, as one of our own?
"All of this has led up to now," Killed the Sea Serpent went on. "To yesterday. What was a simple race to me, was several daring acts to you." She turned to our new flock. "She flew with her eyes closed, all the way from the tallest pillar on this end of the Shell to the giant oak." A few dragons gasped. She chuckled. "Then, she sight-sounded a cave hidden behind a waterfall and flew straight into it, scaring me half to death!"
A few dragons chuckled with amusement. This seemed to break the horrible, fearful tension that grasped us in our claws. I glanced towards the others with some soft sight-sounds, confirming what I thought I saw: dragons sitting far more relaxed, ears alert only with interest, wings resting lightly against their sides.
"But that wasn't all!" Killed the Sea Serpent said. "Even then, she wasn't done scaring me!" She gave me a playful nudge with her wing, drawing a smile to my lips for the first time that day. "Because when we both raced to the forest around the giant oak, instead of flying above it like any sane dragon, she dove into it! And in doing so, she made it through the forest far faster than even me, and she beat me at my own race with plenty of time to spare!"
Our flockmates murmured to each other with shock. The nameless male laughed with delight.
"And so, I think we can all agree," Killed the Sea Serpent said, "that this dragon has done more than enough to earn her name!"
"She has!" Fought the Leader shouted.
"She has! She has!" the others chanted, as was the custom.
My heart hammered in my ears. I almost felt numb from all of the emotions that had rushed through me in such little time. I couldn't believe it. I had never even allowed myself to imagine earning a name, and now, here I was…!
Killed the Sea Serpent faced me. "And so, in seeing the world in a new light, and in finding a way that one cannot see when they are blinded by what they choose to look at, I am proud to bestow you your name."
I met her eyes, shaking all over.
"From now until the first ones welcome you again, you will always be known as Saw Through Closed Eyes."
My breath caught in my throat. It took all I had to stammer out the traditional words I never thought I would speak. "I am Saw Through Closed Eyes."
Our flock erupted into cheers, chanting my name—my name!—and rushing up the hill to meet me.
"Saw Through Closed Eyes! Saw Through Closed Eyes! Saw Through Closed Eyes!"
Each of them touched their head to mine and said, "Congratulations, Saw Through Closed Eyes." And with each gentle nudge, each new greeting, each little lick on the forehead, warmth and safety enveloped me as they never had before.
The nameless male shoved his way to meet me and bonked his head a little too hard against mine. "Congratulations, Saw Through Closed Eyes!" he purred.
"Thank you," I groaned, rubbing my head with a paw. With a real smile, I met his eyes and said, "Now we only have to get you yours."
"Tomorrow, for sure," he said, eyes already lighting with anticipation. "But today is your day."
Fought the Leader was next. Then, the last few members of our flock. Killed the Sea Serpent was last. But when she retreated with a knowing smile, another dragon stepped in her place.
"Congratulations, Saw Through Closed Eyes!" Survived the Storm squawked, rearing up and crushing her head against mine. "I had a feeling that day! I just knew something would happen! I can't wait to go and tell this story to all who will listen!"
Fed the Flock emerged from the crowd and opted for a gentle lick on the forehead. "Congratulations, Saw Through Closed Eyes," she said. "You must be so relieved."
"Not relieved," I said, surprising her and even myself. "Just…" I glanced over at my flock, which had retreated back down the hill and was waiting for me.
"Wanted?" Escaped the Monsters spoke up from behind me. I turned to look at him. After a moment's hesitation, he huffed and poked my head with his nose.
I thought it over, glancing back at my flockmates. All of them were watching, eyes bright, ears raised. It was tradition that a newly-named dragon was the first to assign themselves responsibility. They were waiting for me.
None of them had ever waited for me before.
"Wanted," I repeated, turning the word over on my tongue. "I think...I think I like that."