52. (09)

"Losing your life is not the worst thing that can happen.

The worst thing is to lose your reason for living."

- Jo Nesb

Even before sunrise Rick, Michonne , Daryl and Carl, who refused to be left behind, went out of the prison and went looking for Cecilia, this time they went on a car. Rick didn't allow Daryl to drive, not in his state, not when his head was all over the place.

It had been about three hours and as usual they had just found walkers. Carl thought it would be nice to tell Daryl about the C.A Mission, just to cheer him up even when Carl promised he would never tell anyone else about it but maybe Daryl needed to hear it.

"Daryl," Carl softly muttered. "You know that you and Cecilia didn't end up together by pure chance?"

"You don't think it was fate or something like that?" Daryl asked, not looking at Carl but out the window, looking for any sign of Cecilia.

"It was a plan, a mission, whatever you want to call it. Sophia and I always found ways to get you two to be close, to be in the same place," Carl said with a shy but mischievous smile.

"Sophia?" Rick asked in surprise. "Wait, does that mean you were planning this since the very start?"

"Yep, even before you found us after Atlanta, Dad" Carl told him. "And it finally worked, it was part of the mission to lock you in that room the day you got together, so... you're welcome, Daryl."

"You are unbelievable," Daryl said with a small chuckle, Carl felt happy that Daryl had finally smiled, he had finally laughed.

"Or do you remember back at the CDC that you shared the room with her because you couldn't find an empty one? Well, you're welcome again," Carl told him, daring to pat Daryl on the shoulder. "That was all my doing."

"You shared the room with her?" Rick asked surprised.

"Did you have any idea of all of this?" Daryl asked Rick, ignoring his question.

"It's the first time I hear it," Rick said with a proud but surprised expression, he smiled at Daryl who was very shocked at what Carl was saying.

"The two of you liked each other and both were too coward to admit it, you just needed a little push and that was what I did," Carl said proudly. "But I have to admit that once you got together, it got boring because I didn't have to plan anything else."

"Cecilia knows?" Rick asked his son.

"Yes, I told her when she came back, it kind of slipped," Carl said. "I told Michonne so she could help me that day when I locked them in that room. She makes a perfect partner."

"Well, thanks Carl," Michonne said smiling.

"What else did you do?" Daryl asked him with a smile on his thin lips. He was actually proud of Carl.

"Well, one time you were inside Dale's RV and I asked Sophia to tell Cecilia to go in there to look for something, the door 'out of nowhere'," Carl said doing air quotes. "Got stuck and you stayed in the RV for hours, do you remember?"

"Yeah," Daryl said chuckling. "I kept blaming Cecilia for it and she kept shouting at me until the two of us just gave up trying to open the door. I lied down on the couch and since there was nothing else that was comfortable she asked me to make some room for her, I refused, I was an asshole back then, so she actually sat on me. I pretended to be mad and 'tried'." Daryl did air quotes too. "To get her off of me but truth is that I didn't try hard enough and just let her stay there until Dale managed to open the door."

"Did you always like her?" Michonne asked.

"I don't think so but I'm not sure," he said. "But she definitely grew on me very quickly."

Back at the prison Tyreese, Oliver, and two other men prepared themselves to go into the woods to look for Cecilia. Tyreese wasn't that close to her but Sasha was but she was just recovering and couldn't go out.

Maggie was going with a group after lunch, they weren't going to give on her, not yet. After the farm they gave up on her way too quickly and it was a miracle they reunited, they didn't want that to happen again, they needed to find her and soon.

Cecilia's POV.

Today Sean had been extremely nice to me, he even untied my wrists and applied a cream to them so they could heal, of course he threatened me with his gun and the drug made me a bit physically unsteady so I wouldn't make it far if I tried to escape and my brain was a bit foggy too, I was a bit disorientated.

The sight of my wrists made me sick, the skin was so irritated and red and there was blood around them, it wasn't nice and it burnt like hell.

I couldn't see my reflection but Sean had left a bruise on my cheek after he slapped me yesterday and another on my stomach, there were also some bruises on my arms from the times he tightly grabs me from there, but it had come to the point where I had become numb, both, physically and mentally numb.

I might feel the burn on my wrists a bit but I don't care anymore, I did at first but not anymore. I think that the event that triggered this numbness was hearing my mum's voice and knowing she could have helped me and she just left.

And it was like Sean was noticing I was slowly giving up, I knew he could tell. He would have never untie my hands if he had the minimal suspicion that I was going to fight.

A part of me wanted to think I dreamt that my mum came or that the drugs made me hallucinate or something but deep inside of me I knew it was real, I knew it happened.

What sort of made me wake up from this kind of negative trance was his kisses. He had kissed me three times today and every time he did it, I tried to push him away and run from there. The first time he ran after me and grabbed me by my waist, the next time I punched him. I actually fought against him. I didn't even know where I got the mental strength to do it but I did, and I had won. I gave him some good punches and kicks, I even busted his lip. I ran towards the door, I had my hand on the knob of the main door when he shot at the wall in front of me, he said that next time he wouldn't miss. And the next and last time I only heard the click of the gun and that was enough to make me stop dead in my tracks.

"I told you," he said. "Daryl is not going to find you. He won't rescue you, one, because he can't and two, because you don't need to be rescued, right babe?"

I said or did nothing, he had been taunting me ever since I woke up. Daryl this or Rick that, they were all stupid for him, he even made fun of the fact that my mother came to 'visit', like he called it, said it was such a shame she didn't stay longer.

"Come here," he said, putting a hand behind my head as he leant forward.

I grabbed his arm and tried to get it off but he just grabbed my hair, pulling it. I cried out in pain but didn't stop trying to break free and escape. He got super pissed at this. He gripped my hair even tighter before pushing me hard on the floor.

I tried to get up but he just pushed me back down and then flipped me around as he sat on top of me. He grabbed both my hands with one of his and pinned them above my head as he pointed the gun at me with his other hand.

I kept struggling so he hit me on the side of my head with the butt of the gun, my gun. Everything turned black but I was still conscious, barely but still conscious.

I felt him get off of me and I tried to move but my arms and legs gave in, I cursed in my head because this wasn't the time to give up.

Seconds later I felt him dragging me somewhere, I wasn't sure where but it wasn't far. My vision was slowly coming back, it was blurry and dark but I was seeing again. He started tidying my wrists together again and then I heard him walk away, I tried to move my hands, which were still above my head, but I couldn't, he had tied them to something.

I tried harder to adjust my vision and I could make up a nice wooden trunk, that was in the master bedroom. He had dragged me all the way there, no idea why, but as I looked at my hands I found out the answer. My hands were tied to the (),

and that's when I noticed I was on the bed. I don't even remember being lifted, I must have lost consciousness for a few seconds.

I couldn't see it or even touch it but I knew Sean had made a cut where he hit me with the gun, I knew I was bleeding, I could feel the blood running down the side of my face.

I was there on my own for about twenty or thirty minutes until he came back and by then I wasn't so disorientated and my vision was back to normal, my head was killing me, though.

"Hello, babe," he said cheerfully.

He walked towards the bed, leant down and kissed the top of my head first, followed by my forehead, then my nose and lastly my lips. He had a wet cloth on his hand and he started to clean my wound, it hurt but I didn't complain or winced, not even once.

When he was done he threw the cloth to a corner of the room and without warming he took off my shoes, okay, that wasn't good. He gripped the sweatpants and that's when I started kicking with all my might, trying to prevent him from taking them off but they were already a bit too lose so he didn't make such a big effort to take them off.

I was freaking out big time, I started screaming and kicking but he just pointed the gun right between my eyes. He sat on top of me with his legs on each side of me, he started kissing my neck. I kept struggling under him as tears started to roll down my face.

"Please, no, please, Sean, don't do this," I begged him but he kept kissing me.

"Just so you know," he whispered in my ear. "I learnt all the places where I can stab you without killing you, it's incredible what you can learn in your free time and I will not hesitate to do it if you don't behave."

He got one hand under my shirt and ran it up and down my stomach, making me have goosebumps on my skin, with the other he was caressing my cheek. He stopped doing that and started playing with my hair as he moved his lips to mine, just as the other times, I refused to kiss him back, he noticed so he just kissed me harder but still, I didn't kiss back, I would have bit him if he wasn't holding a gun.

Minutes later he sat up straight and just smirked at me as I kept begging him to stop, I knew that smirk couldn't mean anything good and I was right. He grabbed my shirt and since he couldn't just take it off, he ripped it apart, exposing my black sport bra.

"Sean, Sean, don't! I beg you, please!"

Sean leant down again and kissed my neck again, moving to my collarbones and back to my neck where he sucked on, I was sure that would leave a hickey and I felt even more disgusted by myself than ever.

Sean got his hands under my bra on each side of me, starting to lift it very, very slowly but that's when I lost it even more, started screaming like never before, making him actually stop but I kept screaming, I just got locked on. He had to slap me to get me to get back to my senses.

"Fucking hell!" he shouted, standing up, grabbing the cloth again. "The blood fucking turns me off and shut the fuck up!"

Apparently I kept bleeding but that was his freaking fault, what was he whining about? He almost got me unconscious with that hit. I actually shuddered at the thought of me being unconscious right now.

"Just don't!" I repeated it over and over again.

"Babe, I..."

"I'm begging you!"

"Look, I..."

"I'm a virgin!" I yelled at him as more and more tears rolled down my face. "Don't do this to me! I beg you!"

Sean just stared at me in disbelief, he didn't move as I kept crying and begging him to stop and then when he snapped out of his trance he laughed.

"Do you actually think you are going to fool me with that?" he exclaimed. "Do you expect me to believe that you and Daryl never..."

"We didn't!" I assured him and it was true. "We have never had, I promise, I swear!"

"What about before the change?" I just shook my head at him as I kept crying.

Truth was that due to the domestic abuse I lived throughout most of my life, I suffered from really low self-esteem and I was very self-conscious about my body. I never felt pretty or attractive or good enough and I was scared of just being used.

That was until I met Daryl, he made me feel beautiful and worthy. He made me feel happiness again and honestly, it was me who wanted to take the next step, it had been me who had been trying to do it for around a month or a month and a half but he had been the one that just stops things when they start getting too far.

I ignored it at first, just playing along with him and pretending I wasn't hurt, that I didn't feel rejected but I eventually couldn't take it anymore and I confronted him. He claimed that we weren't ready, that I wasn't ready, that we should wait a bit longer. He just didn't understand the way I had always felt about my body and how big the step I took was to feel comfortable around him.

"Are you serious?" Sean asked me.

"Yeah, I swear," I cried.

"Swear on your mother, on Daryl," he exclaimed. "No, better yet, swear on your sister."

"Yeah," I muttered. "I swear on So – Sophia, on all of them. It's true!"

Sean started pacing in front of me, he no longer was wearing his shirt. He had a big tattoo on his back that I had never noticed before, I couldn't make sure exactly what it was but it looked like a symbol.

"I prefer you to kill me right here, right now," I exclaimed trying to stop crying. "Hell, I would gladly kill myself if I prevent this from happening."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" he shouted as he kept pacing, avoiding to look at me.

I wasn't sure how being a virgin just made him stop, what did that mean for him? I begged for several minutes and it was like he couldn't even hear me but I was very thankful that made him stop.

Sean walked to where I was, got on top of me but this time he didn't kissed me or anything, which I feared, he actually was untidying me from the bed, making me cry from relief, during the whole time he avoided eye-contact, he actually avoided looking at any part of me.

Sean stood up and then grabbed me by one of my wrists, making me wince from the pain, but he didn't notice he just kept pulling me with him. He took me to the room I had been these days and pushed me inside, I actually stumbled and fell to the ground. He slammed the door shut and ran down the stairs, where I heard him throwing thing around and some things breaking but I couldn't care less, except that the noise could attract walkers. Even if my screams from earlier didn't attract walkers, this for sure would.

Meanwhile, I stayed on the floor, I just crawled to a corner and curled into a ball, I just couldn't keep the tears from falling. All my life I hated my father for the things he did to me, I didn't hate anyone else and I thought I could never hate someone as much or more than him but I was wrong, Sean had earned that place and all I wanted was to stab him multiples times, make him suffer and then finally, feed him to the walkers, so he could have a slow, painful death.

All the events from today and all the crying had left me both mental and physically exhausted, I was drained so I just fell asleep on the floor without even noticing.

I woke up with sweat all over my body and tears in my eyes. I wasn't sure what was worst now, reality or my subconscious. The dreams were just as bad as my reality, I just couldn't escape.

I hugged my knees and cried, I felt so pathetic and weak for all the crying lately but it was like once I started I just couldn't stop.

As I rocked myself I started feeling chills, which was weird. The weather was supposed to be warm even now at night but I was still just in my underwear, maybe that was it.

I stood up and as I did, I noticed my whole body ached, that wasn't normal but I quickly contributed it to all the kicking and struggling I did earlier today, it must be that.

I was really out of breath and just standing up made me pant and my vision turned black for a few seconds, once I recovered I opened the doors of the closet to find something to wear, I grabbed some light blue coloured jeans and tried them on, this room belonged to a thirteen or fourteen year old girl so I really doubted these would fit me, my sister was twelve and her clothes were too small for me but surprisingly they were just perfect.

Actually, once I made sure they fit me, I took them off again and changed my underwear, I hadn't changed it in five days and that was really disgusting. I grabbed the first panties I saw, which were pink with little hearts on them and as quickly as I could I put them on followed by the jeans.

Then I grabbed a dark blue shirt, this girl was a swimmer so I ended up grabbing one of her active shirts that said in the back 'TEAM USA' on the top and on the bottom it said 'FLETCHER', so at least I knew her last name.

I also grabbed a jumper and put it on, I was even shaking from how cold I was, it was so weird. I took off my socks and put on not one pair but two, to warm my very cold feet and then put on a pair of boots, these were a bit big for me but they had to do for now, I usually use sneakers to be able to run faster but the rest usually use boots, in case a walker tries to scratch or bite them there.

I sat on the bed now and I couldn't help but notice I was feeling weird, I was still shaking and my body ached so much and I just didn't feel... normal.

But what made my heart skip a beat was a sound I hadn't heard in a while. I tiptoed to the window and looked down, I saw five walkers outside the house, so it looks like the noise Sean made earlier and my screams did attract walkers and all I could hope was that there weren't going to be any more of them.

Sean slowly opened the door of the room, luckily it didn't creak or anything. He brought his index finger to his lips and he walked to me, slowly opening the window when he got close enough. I silently shook my head at him but he just kept opening it.

Then he showed me what he had in one hand, it was a white cup that read 'I love coffee', he threw it out the window as far as he could manage but I still could hear it shattering and the walkers did as well.

The five of them slowly turned around and started walking to where the sound had come from. I smiled as I saw them walking away but then frowned, remembering Sean was practically next to me.

I could try to escape now, I was weak but I could make it. I could see Sean didn't have a gun with him, he probably had the knife but I could evade it, maybe. The bad part was that there were walkers outside and going out now without any kind of weapon would be extremely stupid, I considered my options too much and I lost the opportunity.

Sean walked to the door again, silently closing it and I could hear him going down the stairs. I sat on the bed, trying to decide if I should try to sneak out and hide inside a car or attempt to run as far as possible or get inside another house or grab something from here and attack Sean, I really wanted to do it.

I think that the desire to make him suffer was what made me stop from attempting to run when I had the chance. I just didn't want to escape now, I wanted to torture Sean, it was sick and evil and not me but I couldn't refuse that I desired it.

I had lied down on the bed, ignoring my stomach grumbling, lost in my thoughts when I coughed. I put my hand over my mouth and didn't give it importance. I coughed a second time and just ignored it.

Minutes later I coughed for a third time and that's when I made the connection. I was really cold even when it was supposed to be warm, my body was aching and I wasn't feeling well and I just started coughing.

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed as I closed my eyes tightly.

My heart starting beating really fast, I tried to think of other possible explanations to what was happening to me but they were a bit stupid and unprovable. I coughed again.

I walked towards the door, grabbed the knob and to my surprise the door wasn't locked. I slowly went down the stairs, a part of the house I had barely seen. Sean spotted me and in no time he pointed the gun at me.

"There are walkers outside, you are not stupid enough to shoot," I told him with a smirk. "But I'm not here to try to escape, I'm here to tell you something."

"What is it?" he spat.

"Sean, I think I got it."

"Got what?" he asked confused.

"The virus," I mumbled, saying it out loud made it even more real. "I'm sick."

And as to confirm it, I started coughing right there, this time it took me a while to stop. He shook his head in refusal and just accused me of lying.

"That's another one of your tricks, huh? Well, this time it won't work."

"I really wish I would be pretending right now but I'm not," I said and then bit my lower lip.

"You weren't exposed!" he exclaimed quite loudly. "That's why the two us went into quarantine, right? Good try but I won't fall for it.

"I was exposed, we all were, it was in the air. The virus came from the pigs and I work in the pig pen almost every day," I told him, having to stop because I started coughing again. "Mika and Lizzie hugged me, Lizzie got sick not long after that."

Sean really didn't believe me, I already looked like shit, I knew I must look horrible, so getting sick probably didn't make me look any worse, not for now at least. Nevertheless he walked to me and I instinctively backed away from him. He grabbed me by my elbow and with his other hand touched my forehead.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed. "You have a fever."

"I said I was sick!" I told him.

"Let's not panic! Maybe it isn't the same thing from the prison, maybe it's something else, a normal flu, you know?"

"What if it isn't a normal flu? And even if it is, a normal flu can kill these days!" I exclaimed, freaking out, only trying to keep my voice down because of the walkers outside. "Sean, I need to get back to the prison."

"No!"

"I don't want to die!"

"We'll think of something!" he exclaimed as he started pacing the room. "Let's look for medicine here."

The two of us went upstairs, to the master bedroom. I shuddered as I walked in but I tried to push the memories aside. We looked in the drawers and in the bathroom and luckily we found some bottles with pills.

With the help of a flashlight, Sean read the names on the bottles and found something useful or he claimed so.

"This will help with the fever," he told me giving me one pill first and then handed me the whole container. "They are supposed to be taken every eight hours, okay?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

I took the pill, just like that, without water, then Sean led me to 'my' room and helped me lie down on the bed, getting me under the covers, I was so cold.

"We'll see how you are in the morning," he told me as he walked back to the door.

"Sean?" I muttered, I was shivering now. "If I get really bad, like coughing up blood and all that, are you willing to take me to the prison?"

"We'll see tomorrow, good-night."

He closed the door but not completely, leaving a tiny gap opened. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep as I shivered harder.

This just couldn't get any worse.

Guys, as promised here's the second chapter of the week. I hope you liked it and please leave many comments (at least a happy face) so when I get back I see all the comments.

Please tell me what you think will happen in the next chapter and my daryl/OC video is finished, I just need to edit the colouring and that would be it. But if you want I can later post the link to it when I post it on youtube :) Just if you guys want, if not I will post the link on the next chapter once I'm back :P

So, I guess this is good-bye for two weeks. :) I will leave tomorrow and will arrive at CT at midnight. Have a great weekend guys! :)