"It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart."
― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

The next day wasn't any easier than the day before, actually, for a moment I thought I dreamt it all or I hallucinated because of the fever and I never got back to the prison but I calmed down once I saw Daryl on the bed, sleeping next to me, so it did happen.

I was feeling a lot better but I still refused to go out of my cell, not wanting to face or see anyone, as they would look at me with pity, I didn't want that.

Sasha, who was a lot better now, brought me some food right after Hershel had injected me some more antibiotics and also some vitamins they had, I was extremely dehydrated after not eating or drinking much for the last week.

"How are you feeling?" Sasha asked, Daryl was gone now to eat breakfast with the rest, he reluctantly did it but I forced him to go, it couldn't be healthy for him to stay so much time with me, locked in a cell. But I think it was harder for me to let him go than to him for leaving, even if it was just for an hour or so.

"Better," I admitted. "And you?"

"I'm almost as good as before I got sick," she said with a smile but then her eyes reflected sadness and sorrow. "I didn't even know you were missing until two days ago."

"You almost died, it's okay," I said, noticing she felt a bit guilty. "I'm back here now."

Sasha and I didn't get along first, both being quite cold to people and not being able to trust people right away but after a couple of months and a few runs together, we started to stand each other and now we were good friends.

Glenn was the next dropping by to see how I was, Glenn hadn't completely recovered, he almost died. He stopped breathing and was only minutes away from dying if Hershel hadn't used the artificial breather and gotten the antibiotics just on time.

Glenn put me up to day to the events that had happened since I was gone. He told me about what happened and how things got from bad to chaotic in just a matter of minutes, saying people kept dying and turning and then biting people, it was awful.

He also told me that the fence finally gave in and several walkers got inside, making it chaotic outside as well, but no one had died from that.

I knew Glenn wanted to know what happened during these days but I kept evading his questions and changing the subject. I only told him that Sean drugged me and tied my hands when he abducted me, not really wanting to tell him anything else, including how I ended up with that cut and bruises on my face, even when he kept asking.

I really thought that now that breakfast was over the next person to visit me was going to be my mother, who I hadn't seen at all, but it wasn't her the person that came to my cell next, it was Michonne, who looked sad and angry about what happened to me but she also looked happy that I was finally back with them.

"I look like shit, you don't have to tell me," I said as I noticed her opening her mouth a few times but not saying anything to me, she only chuckled at me as she sat on the bed next to me.

"I got to be honest," she said with a sigh. "I was starting to think that we wouldn't find you."

"What? You doubted me?" I said with fake hurt.

"I didn't doubt you, but I know that guy lost his mind a long time ago and he could just... snap and kill you," she said sadly. "And this place is so big, the two of you could be anywhere."
"I feared that a few times," I admitted. "But at some point I just wanted him to kill me already, get it over with."

"What kept you going?"

"I'm not sure. I lost hope, I did. I really thought that would be my end, especially after I got sick and he was refusing to bring me back. Michonne, can I tell you something?"

"Of course," she said nodding and looking right into my blue eyes.

"I had a slim chance to escape one night, there were walkers outside and Sean was concentrated on them, I could have run and hide somewhere through the night but I didn't," I said as my voice turned into just a whisper at the end. "It wasn't because I was scared of the walkers outside or because he could stab me or shoot me in the back. I had nothing else to lose, I was dead anyway but I chose not to try."

"Why is that?" She was a bit surprised by my confession. "Because you totally lost hope?"

"No, at first I believed I just hesitated too long and lost my opportunity but it wasn't really that, at least not entirely" I said, nervously biting my lip as I made a short pause. "Mich, I stayed because I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to make him suffer for what he had done to me. And I still feel like that, I feel so much... hatred inside of me and it scares me."

"It's normal to be angry but..."

"No! You don't understand," I exclaimed quickly. "I was angry and hurt with my dad years ago but this... It is so much more than that. I'm just not angry. I desire him to suffer and I want to be the one that tortures him... what if... I'm just as messed up as him?"

"Of course you aren't," Michonne exclaimed as she rested a hand on top of mine, that was on my lap. "You are just a bit... unstable right now. It's understandable after what you went through, time will make you feel better."

"It's not like it matters," I said with a bitter laugh. "The bastard is dead. He got it easy and fast. I would have locked him up and do the same things he did to me and more."

Michonne fidgeted uncomfortably, I barely noticed. I was actually ashamed I had such evil thoughts and desires. I could be angry, yes, but I should just want to kill him not torture him.

"Let it go, Cici," Michonne told me. "That's not good. Don't let that eat you, it's not healthy."

"Don't tell Daryl I said that, I don't want him to think bad of me."

"He wouldn't think bad of you."

"Where is he, anyway? He said he was going to come after breakfast."

"Rick has kept him busy. He wasn't well, you see, barely slept, barely ate, Rick just wants to have him busy so he won't think of what happened, he will let him go after lunch, though. Anyway, you should rest a bit, you are still recovering."

Michonne stood up after she pat my shoulder as she smiled at me. I wanted to argue but I knew I wouldn't be allowed to leave this block and go out, not even for a walk and to say the truth I felt a bit tired, most like weak.

At lunch when Hershel was sure no one was going to come for at least twenty minutes he came to check on me. He checked the gash on the side of my head and said that it was very likely that I wouldn't have a scar and if I would, then it would be really thin. He also checked my wrists and I couldn't help but feel something building up inside of me at the sight of them, they were healing well and all but I felt that rage at Sean again, I just wanted to lock him up and starve him for days and do so much more and just... get revenge, I suppose.

Hershel said that feeling weak and tired was normal, everything caused it. The starvation, going without water for days, the drugs, the stress, the constant physical and mental fights with Sean and the virus. He even said he was surprised at how good I was from everything I had to go through.

I decided to help Hershel with the sick people, which were only five now, including me. Glenn was one of them plus two women and one older men.

"Is Lizzie okay?" I asked, noticing the girl wasn't here anymore.

"She never got that bad," Glenn told me. "She was one of the first people to be allowed to leave."

After helping Hershel and talking to Glenn a bit more I took a nap, I was quite exhausted. When I woke up I found the bible and other book on the table next to my bed. I smiled and took the bible first, knowing very well Hershel was the one leaving the books there.

I had read a few pages when I heard someone clearing their throats, I looked up and saw Rick with a smile on his lips. I told him to come in and get comfortable, which he instantly did. There wasn't a chair here so he sat on the edge of the bed, farther than Michonne had hours ago.

"Carl said he wants you to have this, that you earned it," Rick said putting on my head the brown sheriff hat Carl had worn every hour of every day for more than a year but hadn't used it in about four months. "Said once you get out of here you can give it back to him, but for now, it's yours."

"Thank Carl for me," I said with a proud smile as I took the hat from my head to look at it before putting it back on. "I want to see him so bad, the first thing I'll do once I get out of here will be giving him a big hug."

I knew Rick wasn't here for Carl, not entirely. I knew he wanted to discuss what happened with Sean all these days, he was the leader of the group and I loved him as a father but I didn't want to talk about it again so I kept talking about Carl to delay that horrible conversation, I just wanted to forget it all.

Rick wasn't stupid either and knew what I was doing, I wasn't normally such a talker as I was now, barely allowing Rick to say a few words but after maybe fifteen minutes I run out of topics to talk and while I was thinking of something new to say he took the chance.

"Cecilia, I know this is hard, I can just imagine what that bastard did and what you went through but I need to know what happened, from start to end."

I sighed, looking down at my hands. I didn't want to retell the story, telling Daryl was hard enough. I was ashamed and didn't want more people knowing but deep inside of me I knew Rick had to know.

So after about ten minutes of Rick trying to get me to talk, I started telling him. Including how he talked to Sean only minutes before he told me Rick had told him to check the snares, and that's why I didn't suspect anything even when something didn't really fit.

"I was angry at Daryl for not letting me go on that run, I wanted to do something so I was kind of excited when Sean told me we could go out," I admitted.

Then I told him how he drugged me the following days, told him about the house where we stayed in. I also told him that on the fourth day, if I'm not mistaken, Sean locked me up in the bathroom and minutes later I could hear my mum's voice, at that Rick looked quite uncomfortable and he looked down at the ground, I wanted to ask him why my mum hadn't visited me but I was going to ask him after finishing my story, then I even told him how Sean admitted he loved me and wanted to kill Daryl because of it.

"He also wanted to kill you," I added as Daryl joined us, leaning his shoulder on the wall. "He said you killed the last relative he had and wanted revenge."

I told Rick that Sean kissed me a few times against my will but I couldn't bring myself to tell him he undress me and touched all my body or the time he made me change in front of him, but after breaking down once again, I allowed Daryl to tell him, only they could know about that, no one else.

"I don't even understand why it's so important for you to know everything," I exclaimed to both men as I stopped crying and shaking from the memories. "It's not like it matters now, he's gone."

"No, he isn't," Rick told me, I just looked up at him with an eyebrow raised at him. "We need to know because we care about you and want to make sure you are okay and take every measure needed."

"What do you mean?"

"First mentally, we need to know what he did so we can help you heal and also physically. For example," Rick said after a long pause. "If he, uh, if he went all the way, you know, and you are very unfortunate and get you know... pregnant, we can take actions before it's too late," Rick said getting a bit uncomfortable. "And I said, we want to make sure you are okay... mentally. I know these things are really hard, plus, we have Sean in a cell, he will pay for everything he did to you. Everything."

"Are you serious?" I asked, remembering Daryl's bloody knuckles last night, that explains it then.

"Yeah, I couldn't just kill him," Daryl admitted. "He needs to pay, Cecilia."

"I need to see him," I exclaimed standing up.

"No," Rick said firmly. "That won't be healthy for you, we'll handle this, Cici."

"But I –"

"You won't see him," Daryl said, interrupting me. "That's why we didn't want to tell you. There is no punishment enough for what he did but at least he'll pay."

"Who knows about that?" I asked, knowing Hershel wouldn't agree to this.

"Just the group that was out when we found you," Rick replied. "And Sasha and Maggie, no one else. You have to promise me you won't try to find him, Cici."

"I can't," I admitted.

"If you can't, then we'll kill him right now."

I stood in complete silence for a few minutes, then slumped down on my bed again and slowly nodded. It made me ashamed that I wanted him to suffer but I did, so if that meant I couldn't do anything to him and I should just leave it to Daryl and Rick, then so be it.

"Cici, there's something I've been wanting to tell you, this is not easy, okay?"

"Rick," Daryl said in a warming tone, I just looked weirdly at Rick.

"This can't wait any longer," Rick told him, looking at Daryl. "The sooner the better."

"Alright, you are scaring me, what is going on? Did someone die? Did something bad happen?"

"I exiled your mother from the group," Rick told me and I felt like someone was stabbing me from behind. I just shook my head in disbelief at him. "She didn't want you to know why but I think you need to. Cici, she killed Karen and David."

"No, she wouldn't," I said quickly.

"She admitted it," Rick told me softly, looking right into my blue eyes with his own blue ones. "And she showed no regrets, she did it so no more people would get sick. I had no choice. She was convinced she did the right thing."

Typical, I guess. I couldn't help but feel like this was going to happen sooner or later. For the last twelve or so years our relationship hadn't been the best and now that it was finally good she does this and gets exiled, away from me. I guess we will never be able to be okay.

"Didn't you wonder how we just bumped into you back in the woods?" Rick asked and I nodded. "It wasn't a coincidence, we were going to get you."
"You knew where I was?" I asked very surprised.

"Your mum came earlier, said she needed to talk to me. I thought she just wanted to apologize and come back so I refused at first but when I went to talk to her she said she came across Sean, he was in this house and she just found it odd. So she came here to inform me about it."

"Does she know about me?"

"No, I decided it was better not to tell her. She would have blamed herself for being there and leaving you," Rick said and I nodded at him.

Daryl went to sit next to me and wrapped an arm around me, knowing that this was a strong blow for me. I didn't want to admit it but I needed my mother, just to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay but now I wasn't even sure if I was going to see her again.

"So, she is alone out there?" I asked, scared for her, even when I knew I shouldn't, she wasn't the same woman she trembled whenever my dad was back from work.

"No," Rick said. "She's with Axel."

"I thought Axel was sick."

"When she came to tell me about Sean, Axel heard she was here and decided to leave with her," Rick told me.

I was surprised to hear that. I thought Axel was just with my mother because he was a man that needed company and at the time there were no other women available, just her. But if he left the prison, a place where he could be safe, for her, then it meant he actually cared for her and somehow I was a bit relieved she wasn't completely alone out there.

"I didn't want to do it but what she did was wrong," Rick told me, trying to make me feel better. "She'll be fine, she's a strong woman."

"I know," I said mostly to myself, to convince myself my mother will be fine.

Rick said a few more things to try to make me feel better but nothing really worked. I was devastated but I didn't want to cry anymore, especially in front of Rick. I never thought I would feel this sad about not seeing my mother again, I didn't show it, though.

Rick put his hand on my shoulder, gave it a squeeze and said how sorry he was again. I only offered him a small smile before he left the cell, he needed to talk to Hershel about something.

"How are...?"

"I'm fine," I said quickly. "I just – I don't know, I guess I just wish I could have said good-bye."
"She's not dead, Cecilia," Daryl told me.

"I know," I snapped but then sadness overcame my anger. "But she's gone."

Daryl offered to take me around the prison for a walk to clear my mind but I refused, not wanting to see people and see the looks they would give me. Instead I curled in my bed, trying to sleep but I couldn't.

Daryl stayed with me but after a while he stopped trying to talk to me, so he grabbed the book Hershel had given me and after an hour he grabbed the bible, opening it at random and reading something before opening it somewhere else.

I stayed silent most of the time until I started breathing hard because tears were threatening to fall and I just didn't want to cry anymore, I was sick of crying.

I didn't even want to cry because of sadness, but out of rage. I wasn't even that mad at Sean anymore, I was mad at myself, for being such a weak girl.

"Hey," Daryl said, climbing on the bed and sitting next to me, he was previously sat on the floor with his back against the bed. "It's alright."

"No, it isn't. Daryl," I said, turning around, so now I was lying on my back, looking at him. "You don't understand! I got into self-defence because of my dad and I was glad I never got to use it against him but... all those days... why didn't I defend myself? I could have escaped, I could have..."

"Stop!" Daryl exclaimed. "You said you were tied, you were drugged, Cecilia. He had a gun pointed at you, don't think you are weak because you are one of the strongest girls I've ever met."

"Daryl?"

"Hmm?"

"Make sure he gets what he deserves," I said, surprising myself with my cold tone. I almost sounded cruel, like one of those villains in kids' movies, I think I even smirked as I said it. During those few seconds, I felt like it wasn't me who was really talking and I was a bit scared but the feeling or rage and revenge was stronger that for the moment, that was all I thought and cared about.

Daryl said nothing to me but he nodded at me before going back to reading.

Daryl's POV

I looked over my shoulder and saw Cecilia finally sleeping peacefully, I had woken her up two times from nightmares, which isn't uncommon, but I heard her muttered 'Sean' and 'mum' a few times, but that wasn't what had kept me up all night.

I had my hands rested behind my head as I looked up at the ceiling, I wasn't trying to fall asleep anymore, I had given up after I woke Cecilia up the second time.

Actually one source of her nightmares, her mother, was preventing me from falling asleep. Something she said to me maybe seven or eight months ago when we told her about our relationship kept going in my head.

"Let me tell you something, you may not see it and she may even not know it herself but she's very damaged, Daryl, I guess I have some of the blame, she will break down one day, just like that day back at the farm when she wanted to kill herself and you have to be ready when that happens and you have to know how to handle it."

I closed my eyes tightly, remembering that day and the time Cecilia had just found out her sister had died, she seemed okay at first and then she just got extremely depressed, refusing to eat, talk, go out, anything. She just lost every reason to keep living and due to her behaviour lately I was afraid that could happen again.

Usually, Cecilia's weaknesses were her loved ones. She didn't care enough about herself but she gave everything for other people. Sophia, Carl, Andrea, Michonne... me. But now it seemed like Sean finally found a weak spot and brought down her strong walls and finally got to her.

She showed how torn she was the day before, especially when she broke down while she showered, and I had nothing against that, actually I found that behaviour to be normal and I was glad she wasn't bottling her feelings, but today she had acted like if it didn't affect her that much and she was forbidding herself to cry, I heard her mumbling it in her dreams, how she couldn't cry anymore, that she wasn't weak.

It was not until now that I was seeing what Carol knew all those months ago, even before that. Cecilia may seem strong and tough but she only needed a faint scratch in the right place to break her and make her fall down, I knew that now. Of course that what happened wasn't just a scratch, it was way more than that.

"I won't be there when it happens, when she finally breaks down and even if I am, she'll rely on you and I don't want to lose the only daughter I have left so I trust you'll be there when her facade comes to an end and she breaks down."

"I won't let that happen."

I guess what they say is correct, mothers always know. I believed Carol was just crazy, underestimating her daughter but right now I was thinking I underestimated Carol all this time.

I wasn't sure at first, I wanted to believe Cecilia was okay, despite everything, after all this was Cecilia the one we were talking about, my Cecilia, and she could take everything but it wasn't until Rick kind of let it slip to her that Sean was alive that her expression completely changed, I had never seen that look in her eyes and it scared me.

Her usual icy blue eyes that I adore didn't have any kind of love and kindness in them, they actually looked empty and I saw how the colour of her eyes turned around three shades darker. She looked so different, even scary. The girl in there wasn't my Cecilia and I was afraid I could lose her because of that damn bastard.

Just thinking about that piece of shit made my blood boiling and I almost jumped out of bed and went to where we have him but I promised Rick I would stay away from him. This morning I went before breakfast and just started beating him.

Cecilia's words were in my head, telling me how he almost raped her. How he kissed her and touched her, I wasn't thinking right, I just wanted to get my rage out, using him as a punching bag. Rick found me and stopped me, if he hadn't I would have probably killed him.

The thought of him running his hands over her body just made me feel such a rage I thought I wasn't able to feel, not even my own father made me feel this furious. If Rick and the others wouldn't be here to control me I would have cut off his cock and let him bleed out, and then actually stop it just on time to keep him alive a bit longer.

I felt horrible for letting Cecilia alone that day, I was blaming myself, yes, even when everyone told me it wasn't my fault, even Cecilia herself but I couldn't stop feeling like that.

Just as my hands turned into first and my knuckles were turning white as I thought about what she went through, Cecilia started whimpering in her sleep once again, muttering words like 'no', 'please', and 'Sean'.

I sat up and shook her body until she opened her beautiful blue eyes, which now were filled with fear. She sat up and wrapped her arms around my neck almost immediately, she shook in my arms with every sob.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked softly, she said nothing, only shook her head.

This time it took me more than half an hour to get me to calm her down, once she did, I laid us both on the bed, not letting her go for even a second. She rested her head on my chest as I had one arm tightly around her waist and I stroked her head with the other and like that we both fell asleep.

Hello guys! Hoped you liked the chapter.
What are your thoughts on the new episode of the TWD? I sort of saw it coming but I'm still in denial. I still haven't comprehended what happened.

Anyway, I made a new TWD multicouple Crossover, and here's the link if you want to watch it:

/EyJi5ESrz4A